Hate Watching Steel: Super Shaq or Super Lame?

Shaq in a DC Comics superhero suit should be an automatic good time, but Steel (1997) somehow lands in the uncanny valley between Saturday afternoon fun and “please take this seriously.” We rewatch it scene by scene and call out the exact moments where the movie could have leaned into camp, tightened the story, or just admitted the premise is ridiculous. Instead, we get tanks creeping through the LA hills, a sonic weapon demo that goes sideways, and cops who treat chasing a seven-foot armored vigilante like a casual commute. 

We dig into what works (the self-aware free throw jokes, a few surprisingly solid sonic effects, the magnet hammer chaos) and what doesn’t (plot jumps, over-explained police work, and character dynamics that never pick a lane). Judd Nelson’s villain energy is a highlight, mostly because watching him posture up at Shaq will never not be funny. And yes, we talk about the moment the movie goes fully off the rails: reverse psychology saves the day, and Sparks’ wheelchair turns into an action-movie arsenal in a finale that’s equal parts confusing and unforgettable. 

After we close the Steel case file, we shift to what we’re watching lately, including new TV picks, plus a detour into a comedy podcast interview that left us with questions about Paul Walter Hauser. We also tee up next week’s plan to hit the new Naked Gun. Subscribe for more movie breakdowns, share this with a friend who loves a lovable mess, and leave us a review with your pick for the most baffling superhero movie.

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Transcript

Foot Cushion Cold Open

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Hold on, I'm adjusting my foot cushion. There we go. You have a foot foot cushion? Yeah, yeah. So that my chair, whilst very comfortable, is too high off the ground. And so my feet dangle just too much that they go to sleep. So I bought a little like uh half moon pillow that goes underneath so I can rest my feet on it.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Your will bitty feet hang up to me.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

My little feet. My will feet.

SPEAKER_04 0:38

I'm watching now.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Welcome. Watching with Dan and Tony. I am Dan. I am Tony. On this show, we discuss the movies because we're with the Hollywood boys. Hollywood Elite right here.

SPEAKER_03 0:53

What is I mean? I don't know what the boys. B-O-I-S, by the way. B-O-Y-Z. Oh, the Z boys.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

We're boys.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Great.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

We talk about movies because I'm an I'm a I'm an aspiring film writer and Tony's an aspiring film actor.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

I don't know if that's accurate.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

I mean, we're aspiring to those things.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

Am I? How much am I trying anymore? Uh, not through any fault of my own, of course. You know, it's very good.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

I mean I don't go out and hit the comedy clubs in the the improv scene, but I'm still, my wife will attest that I am running bits constantly in my life. I don't know if that counts.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

You know, just annoying the people we love. I don't know if that's enough, Dan. I don't know. It's uh it's a fertile training ground. Yeah, that's true. You're right about that. Are you are you writing anything? I saw not to derail the show immediately, I saw Elko post a little uh mock shot of him wanting to do an episode of Space Duck. He wrote, he wrote uh he wrote an episode of Space Duck. I'm not gonna put you on the spot here, Dan.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Um that's fun. Elko understands Space Duck perfectly, and he can write Space Duck really, really well.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Elko's a smart guy.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

All the other characters are kind of very different than how I do the other characters, so it's you know interesting. It's kind of a you know, his Space Duck is, you know, so um I don't know, you know? But it's it's interesting. Just sell it.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

You sell it, make a million dollars, uh just one million. Because that's how things work. Um yeah, just sell it. I think you're aspiring to write things, just sell it. That's the plan. The plan is there you go. I figured out I figured out your path.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

That's all you're welcome. All you gotta do is sell it. So just sell it. Yeah, so it was interesting to see someone else's sort of take. Um, I love it. Yeah. Um, so yeah, that's uh that's the news of Space Tunk.

SPEAKER_03 2:54

Um that's that's some personal information at the top of the show, which nobody wanted, and proceed.

Why Steel Makes The List

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Um, so we talk about movies. Uh today, uh, you picked the movie. I picked the you you think you picked this movie, you're right. I thought about picking the movie.

SPEAKER_03 3:10

No, I picked it. You thought about it. A few weeks ago, I almost picked it up. You said no one can prove that, Dan. All right, did you write it down somewhere? You're just trying to ride my coattails here. Um I had the pleasure of meeting Shaq at the Milken Conference. So I was like, let's do a Shaquille O'Neal movie. And we had already done the other one that I know of, so we did the only other Shaquille movie I knew, which was Steel.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

Isn't there a third one?

SPEAKER_03 3:36

Is there? Let me let me look up Shaquille O'Neal here.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

I forgot to write down what year this was. I think it was 2005. This movie's an hour and 36 minutes. I think this movie was before Kazam. Oh, interesting. He was pretty thin in this movie.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

He was. He was he looked good.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Yeah, he was a super tall, but you know, he did not put on that. Not that Shaq was was is is overweight necessarily, but no, but he got big.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

He got yeah, he gets thick. Like Lakers Shaq is thick, and he will murder you. He is massive. Um, this was like Orlando Magic Shaquille, you know, when he was like yeah. That's good though.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

So he looks he looks great. He looks very young, he looks very young. Um and he did a ton of stuff. Did he?

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Yeah, good for him.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Did he star in another movie though?

SPEAKER_03 4:36

Um, okay, so Kazam was before this. Yes, it was. One year. Oh, wow. One year before this. Because he'd do one every offseason or whatever they'd have done. I guess. Yeah, I guess. Good for you.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

I mean, they probably shot this at the back of the state.

SPEAKER_03 4:52

It's hard to know like what he was headlining, but there's he's he's in a bunch of stuff. Oh, okay. Freddie got fingered. Great stuff. Oh, we haven't done that one that we're good for him. Wow. Lots, just lots of cameos left and right, I think. It's beautiful. Good for Shaq.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Um, and as you said last time, uh, sweetest guy in the world. Uh always good, always good to his fans. I I don't think I've ever heard anybody really. No, I don't think it's really ever been. Yeah. Other than Charles Barclay.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

Oh, does Charles say things bad things about Shaq? Just they just rib each other on the show. That's all. I imagine they give each other a ton of grief. You know, friendly competition.

SPEAKER_05 5:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Because Charles Barclay's jealous that Shaq's cooler than he is. I'll say it. I'll say it right now.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Shaq's got a lot more championships than Charles.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

Well, yeah, you got them rings, baby.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Charles never got a ring, so um, so Steel, based on the DC comics. I did

A Silly Movie Played Straight

SPEAKER_00 5:49

not look into the DC comic at all.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

Um it couldn't have been like this, that's for sure. Uh, I did just like the bare minimum of just Googled it. And it was it's the Death of Superman arc. Uh basically in Death of Superman, there's four people that kind of take the mantle for like a second, and he was just one of them. That was it.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

I think the name John Henry Irons, I think that was the name in the comic book.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

Yeah, seems right. Yeah. And he was like an inventor of some sort, and then he just, you know, dressed up.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

Yeah. So this movie, it's a TV show.

SPEAKER_03 6:28

But not a good one. This is, and I don't mean that in like uh in a mean way, but you know how like Hercules was not a great show, but it was very fun. Yes. It's not there. It's not quite that good. Uh could have been, but I feel like they thought it was more serious than it than it should have been. This is a movie that you should have had more fun with. There's a couple of things that they had fun with. Like all the free throw jokes are really great. Poking fun at yourself is always a treat, check. Um, but they there's just things in there that they take too seriously. And not not dramatically, but just where they're like, we'll do this for real. We'll do this part for real. No, don't do it for real. It's all silly, guys.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

And yeah, they they do sort of kind of logic it up too much. Too much. Where like way too much. Where like the police are like, oh, we're gonna really figure out exactly who this guy is and where he is, as opposed to just being like, we're dumb police. We can't see yeah, he made a left turn and he disappeared, and we don't know who he is. You know, he's the only guy that's like. Yeah, so there's there's definitely a lot of things like that where they where they maybe, yeah, they treat it a little too seriously. Because it, you know, some stories you're just like, yeah, things happen, you know, you you you you get away, uh, you know, and then the bad guy just turns you in, and then that's how it is. Oh, the bad guy just turned you in. That's fine. You know, we we do an extended, you know, lineup bit at one point. But it's to show how much people love him.

SPEAKER_03 8:09

You know, it's a real it's a feel-good 15 minutes of him standing in a line.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Yeah, then we do it, then we do it a second time.

SPEAKER_03 8:17

It's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Then we need multiple line, you know, bringing back these secondary characters.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

This is how police works, okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Gotta make it real. Yeah. So yeah, and I mean, Shaq's Shaq's fine. He's he's fun, but you know, he he doesn't really have much to do. Uh no, he doesn't.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

Jud Judd Nelson is I will say that watching Judd Nelson threaten Shaq will never not be funny. When he like squares up against Shaq and he's two feet shorter them, and they have to look, he's looked crane in his neck up to like threaten him. Very funny stuff because that's absurd. Who would do that?

SPEAKER_00 9:01

There's one point at the end where they're sort of facing off each other, and you're just like, Shaq can just swing his arm like this and just kill him. Just dead.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

Literally tear his head off on accident, just be like, Oh, I'm sorry, didn't realize how hard I was swinging. Done. Yeah, fight's over.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

They worked so hard to make things seem truly adversarial or whatever, and then they get to a certain point where you're like, Well, you better have guys with machine guns or something, uh, you know, something pointing at him, you know.

SPEAKER_03 9:32

Shaq's a big dude. You have to realize this. He is giant and he looks giant throughout the movie at all times.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Yes, they they don't really, you know, they don't put people on apple boxes and try and you would need six apple boxes for a normal person.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

They'd have to go up an apple box stair steps to get to the top.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

I remember that one guy that we used to sell stuff to, he collected sports stuff and he had a pair of Shaq's shoes. And they were they were just like you're like, what the hell? Those just those just are uh no human being. These these are unnatural things.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

I love it. They would take on my whole wall. Exactly. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

You gotta earthquake proof, you know, get some like things that uh yeah. Um, so steel, yeah, I I I it felt like an extended like A-Team episode. You know, the A-Team was never really good, it was just kind of like okay. Oh here we go again. Yeah, here it is. Okay. There's the bad guy, nobody ever gets hurt, you know, they just get sort of knocked to the side, and they get up and walk away.

SPEAKER_03 10:50

It's good. And that's what I was hoping for. Oh, sure. It's just it's just kind of bad, you know. It and that's that's on the filmmaking, honestly. I get it, right? You don't want to make a movie and be like, hey guys, this is bad. We're making a bad movie, we should lean into it. But I think at some point you just gotta do that. You have to people have to be more realistic, Dan. That's the problem with Hollywood. Be more realistic about the movie you're actually making. I get it. You want to make art, you want to make a good movie, you want to entertain people, but guess what? If you're making a bad movie, if you watch the dailies and I saw some of this stuff, I'd be like, okay, guys, we need to cheese this up because this is not gonna fly. People aren't gonna like it, but we can make, we can get them on our side by playing along. And that's what I think people need to do. Well, it is more of a kid's movie. Yeah, that's true. With machine guns and murder, and a lady who gets paralyzed, you know, kid stuff.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

So we start with the credits.

Tanks In LA And Sonic Guns

SPEAKER_00 11:56

Uh we have B-roll of a steel foundry. Um a lot of it.

SPEAKER_03 12:01

It's a lot of step hot steel melting and rolling down. Great stuff, really exciting.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Then we cut to a misty forest, and here comes a tank out of the uh out of the woods.

SPEAKER_03 12:15

Just out of the brush.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Yeah. You know, it's tanks too. In the in the LA Hills, because everything was shot in LA. Well, at least they shot in LA, so that's good. Hey, good.

SPEAKER_03 12:25

Keep it here. I love that. How slow do tanks dry? This is a real question. I don't know. But this tank is going so slow. There's two to three minutes where it's just brush and you hear things cracking, and you're like, what's coming? Is it a what's going on? Is it a dinosaur? And then it's just a tank very slowly rolling over the hill.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

It really makes you the main thing you wonder is like, where did they get this tank to run it in LA? That's the main thing. You're like, who rents you a tank in LA that you can, you know, take it into some bit of brush and then run it through the brush?

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Uh that was it, I don't know. Yeah, that's fair.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

I mean, it's fair. It's probably there's like a probably a pinto, Ford Pinto under there. There's not really a tank, it's just a just a piece of firebrush. You know, it's not really a tank. Um, and then boom, out of the other brushes, brush comes a laser sniper, and he lasers the thing.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

Yeah, uh yeah. Yep. And then sets a guy's ass on fire. Did they set a guy's ass on fire? He says it, and then he keeps patting his butt throughout the scene. If you watch him in the background, even when they're talking, he's like still patting his butt off, and I was just like, This guy went for it. You have to respect it. You gotta sell that bit.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Your butt was on fire, just keep patting. I don't oh ow, uh somebody spank me.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

And then a a general general corporal or whatever guy steps out, and you're like, oh, he was the one with the laser rifle, and then more people step out. And then eventually Shaq steps out, and he was the one with the gun. And so there's Shaq who plays um John Henry Irons, and then there's the woman. Is her name Sparks, or is her name Sparky, or do they interchange that constantly?

SPEAKER_03 14:19

Yeah, so I think the Sparky is his nickname, which is weird because your name's just Sparks, just just say Sparks. I don't think Sparky is more endearing. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't, I guess I shouldn't, you know, judge people's nicknames. But it was weird because so I think when he calls her Sparky, it's supposed to be an endearing thing between friends, and then her real name is Sparks. Okay, so it is so initially it's Sparks, but then at a certain point they're just calling her Sparky, and I'm like, Well, where are we?

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Yeah. Where are we? How did we get here? Um now are they is that is this a romance between the two of them, sort of?

SPEAKER_03 14:58

Wow, Dan, I'm mad that you asked that because that's on my list of questions. Because there is a moment where she calls him baby. Oh, really? They're they're on comms together and she's like, something, something, baby. And I was like, baby, what's happening here? But then they never do anything. Well, and then the end of the movie, you think they're gonna kiss. She does magic wheelchairs and stands up, and then he comes in slow, slow, slow, and then moves right past her head and just gives her a hug. And I was like, I'm so confused, I don't understand. Oh, so she's she's into him, he's not into her. Okay. I think maybe, but uh yeah, I don't know. Okay, it's weird. The dynamic doesn't really make sense, and it kind of floats in between somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

And we're also not sure if she's making the weapons, he's making the weapons, they're making the weapons together. We're not quite sure who the genius is, because one of them has to be a genius to be making up these brand new weird weapons. Correct.

SPEAKER_03 16:00

I and I don't know the answer because he doesn't do it without her and she doesn't do it without him. So maybe it's just maybe they're just a really great tag team. Yeah. And that's why he doesn't want to sleep with her because he doesn't want to break up the team and make it awkward. You know what I mean? Makes perfect sense.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

These are all things you would do in a real movie. In this movie, which we just sort of sort of throw these characters out there and we're like, yeah, it's all right. You know, they're inventors, stuff's gonna be invented. God knows how they're gonna make these these incredibly impossible things, but they're just made them in the in a few days. Yeah, yeah, in a junkyard. As you do. Fine. Totally fine. A lot of stuff in a junkyard. If I bet I mean if you have a big list, it'll all just fall off a truck somewhere. So that's all that matters. Fall off a truck, quotes. So they do a lot of jargon, and then here comes Judd Nelson. He's in the military, he's the bad guy, and there's a senator there that they're sort of showing the stuff for, and he's all like, Oh, Senator, I've I've I could take this further.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

This is all about me, and his name is she is so into it, she is so aroused by this. Is she the their weird dynamic was to me, I was like, Oh, there's something sexual here. There's like in there's some undertones where they're like turned on by the power, and I'm I'm sad that she didn't come back at some point. I think she should have.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Okay, so we go to the next thing, the training village. They're gonna be showing them the sonnet gun this time, and they give it to Burke, and Burke just is like, move it to 10. And then this is my favorite part of the movie, and then he's about to shoot over it at one of the buildings, and then Shaq is like, Nathaniel, no.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

And you need more things like this in the movie because it was silly and stupid-I know they didn't think it was silly at the time because this is what you know lands on her and breaks her back or whatever, but it was very funny. It was funny to watch, and I really enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

And so the Sonic gun brings down the other building, and then it starts breaking down their building, and then the roof is collapsing, and logs are falling down, and then eventually Sheck has to lift a big piece of building off of Sparks whose legs have been paralyzed. Oh, right, and the senator's dead. She doesn't come back. I forgot about that. The senator is dead. Um we cut right to a trial, and the trial makes you think like he's on trial, but he's not on trial.

SPEAKER_03 18:37

Burke's on trial. Yeah, he's just uh what is it when you talk at a trial? Court martial. Oh, he's a witness. Both. Both of the he probably was court-martialed, though, right? You know, yeah, you can't handle the truth, you know, great stuff. Um, it seems weird that they all just knew that that guy who did it, Judd did it. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 19:00

They they say because he jacked it up and then you yelled, no. Right.

SPEAKER_03 19:05

That's his so clearly you're in the right. You said no, so you win. That's true.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

Oh, so silly.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Yeah. And so basically the thing is like nothing. They're just like, eh, get out of here, Burke.

SPEAKER_03 19:22

Yeah, he just gets uh yeah, fired. He gets fired from the army, which is discharged. No, dishonorably discharged. That's what he did. Could be. Could be, you don't know. He's fine though.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

And Shaq's like, I should bust your ass. He doesn't do that.

SPEAKER_03 19:41

It wouldn't be hard.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Yeah. Uh, and then uh Shaq's pissed off, and so he quits too. And then as he's quitting, Burke is like over in the side looking at him menacingly.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

Yeah. Mmm. What a dum-dum.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Yeah. It's a good ride. He goes to

Flowers, Hospitals, And Weird Choices

SPEAKER_00 20:01

visit Sparks in the hospital and brings her sweet peas, which we find out now are her favorite flower.

unknown 20:09

Dan.

SPEAKER_03 20:11

You're gonna tell me about your favorite flower, Tony? Is that what you gotta tell me? No, you know, I'm not a big flower fan. I I don't like aromas. I like a nice neutral. You know what I mean? I don't really like fragrances. It's not my thing. Hold on. Is this like it like food?

SPEAKER_00 20:27

Do you not like food aromas?

SPEAKER_03 20:29

I love food. I don't like um earthy. I don't like earthy aromas, you know. Like my wife loves to like light those candles that all smell like shit, you know? And I just I don't like uh vanilla. I like vanilla, that's a good scent.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Candy candy scent, okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:47

Yeah, great. Great scent.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

So you don't like any of the floral scents. You're like floral's right there, rose is gross.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

I hate it, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um maybe like a like a um freshly mowed grass, that's okay. But it's not my favorite. Gasoline's great. Bleach is a good, that's one of my favorite smells. Bleach, chlorine, that sort of thing is really nice. Bleach. Yeah, yeah. I like the smell of bleach, which is dangerous because you're not supposed to smell it too much. Uh, but when we were cleaning from the mice that we had, we bleached everything. And I was like, this smells incredible. I love this.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

So you like sort of your like anti-smells. Bleach is like kind of an anti-smell, like a destroyer of smells.

SPEAKER_03 21:32

Yeah, but great, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Really good stuff. Do you not like mold? Like my wife uh freaks out if she thinks she smells mold. Like, like I I always get the oranges.

SPEAKER_02 21:41

I don't know if I know what it smells like.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Oranges, they get moldy, you know, really quick when the weather's hot.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

She hates it. Well, I also don't like the smell of orange, so you know, maybe I don't like either of them. Exactly. Yeah. But banana's okay. You know? You are weird.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Um, so I'm not gonna ask you what your favorite flower is then. Forget it.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

Yeah, no, I don't have a favorite flower. Um, here's what I was gonna say. I shouldn't say it's a little bit. Yeah, what are you gonna say? No, go ahead and see. He puts the flowers in a weird spot. That's all.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

Did you notice that?

unknown 22:14

No.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

I must say, I was not paying that much attention to this movie.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

It was just so she's in the bed, you know, she can't move or whatever. And he just places the flowers right on her pelvic area. Just what? He puts them on her on sets them on her body. Oh, on her pelvic area. It was super weird. Wow. Put them in a vase, put them on the side of the table. What is she gonna do with it? She can't. It's very strange. I don't know. It was really weird. I just I don't know. I didn't like that direction, and I thought someone probably should have changed it.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

That sounds suggestive. Um he goes back to the hood. So he sees her, then he he moves around a lot. Oh, he he takes the bus back. Takes the bus back. Uh he busts the move back to the hood. Here's all the kids. He checks in with the kids, they give him the ball, you can't make the shot. Very good. Um, all good. Meanwhile, Burke is in LA too, and he visits Big Willy, who's who used to sell used to sell um weapons. Weapons, and so he's all like, I got I need the seed money, and then here's a mini disc that's gonna show you all these cool weapons that we can make. Big Willy's in.

SPEAKER_03 23:34

Big Willy, baby.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

He gets to grandma's house, which is the most beautiful house in LA in the midst of a lot of terrible houses.

SPEAKER_03 23:43

It's it's funny when they're doing the pan across the neighborhood, and you get to her house and you're like, well, that's adorable. I love that house. Uh good for them.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

Um, and what is what is why do we have to be quiet around grandma and what is the grandma uh running bit?

SPEAKER_03 24:01

I something like too much noise ruins a souffle? I don't understand. Is this a thing? Is this like a common belief? It is. Okay, so I just don't fake it's not a common belief.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

It is uh it is a fact. Science. Yeah, science.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

You're gonna have to explain it to me a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Like when you're making a souffle, I think souffles, I think you you cook them in a in a pan. They they're in like a not a carafe, but it they're in these like a ramekin. Ramekin, that's the word. Yeah. Um and then they usually I think you put them in water and then the they steam and then they grow, but if if they because they're so light, if if you have a loud noise or whatever, they can it'll just collapse because you want it to go and then form a little bit. There's no way that this is this is real. Absolutely real.

SPEAKER_03 24:56

This is the craziest thing you've ever heard of.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

This was this was like a quicksand kind of bit when you were kids. Oh, don't make a lot of noise, you'll ruin the souffle.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

I wow, I didn't, I listen, I didn't know, and I thought this was very dumb, but I guess it's me that's dumb.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

Well, I think I think I don't think any kid these days would they would not understand this at all.

SPEAKER_03 25:16

No, I don't think we're I don't think moms are making a lot of souffles these days. I or dads or kids.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

As they mentioned, it she's trying to master French cooking, and souffles are a French cooking show. And so unless you go to a true French restaurant, but the thing that you can get is you can get a chocolate souffle. There used to be a place here in LA called the mustache cafe, and you could order the chocolate souffle. You had to order at the beginning of your meal because it takes them like an hour.

SPEAKER_03 25:44

Interesting. Wow. Um but I'll tell you right now that like cupcakes, you can yell all you want. I've made a lot of cupcakes in my day. Noise doesn't matter, muffins are good, you know. So just make the the non uh you know yelling ones.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

But a souffle it kind of exists between a cake and a pudding. And so it's just this super light pudding-y cake.

SPEAKER_03 26:09

So good. I guess I should try a souffle someday from somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

So uh she's I think oh, so he's got a brother, Martin, who I only learned it was his brother at the very end of the movie. Um they are brothers. Okay, all right. You assume they're cousins, but they're not, they're brothers.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

Okay, cool, cool, cool. Where are their parents? Did we learn that? I can't remember. No? All right. We didn't do anything about that.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

Martin is sort he's not a wannabe gangster, but he's a I want to make money and da da da da da.

SPEAKER_03 26:47

Yeah. Okay, Martin. Hustler. He wants that hustler life, you know.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

So Martin makes a joke about how that she wants to open a you know a soul food but French place, and they call it black and blue.

unknown 27:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

I love that. I think that's actually a great name. I don't know if someone has used that in real life or not, but I thought that was great.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

It's a good little joke. Um Henry gets a job at the local foundry where there are lots of cute women that walk by and go like But they're not working. So I'm not like what are they doing? They're like the secretaries and whatever, because in a second scene, there's another woman and she like brings him something to sign, or you know, they get a delivery or something.

SPEAKER_03 27:33

So very cute women work at the foundry. That's how you motivate your blue-collar men to work harder.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

Um we cut back to Burke, who's working with Big Willie.

Arcade Cabinets As Gun Crates

SPEAKER_00 27:46

They're taking Where in this in this elevator down underneath a place in a video game factory. There you go.

SPEAKER_03 27:55

That's not that I didn't mean specific. I meant where do they work? Because it's the coolest job that I've never heard of. I don't know what they do, but they have arcade machines all over the place, and they hired the local troubled youth to do something with the video games.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

Oh no, what they do is they put the guns inside the video game cabinets, and that's how they ship them.

SPEAKER_01 28:19

But the video game cabinets work!

SPEAKER_03 28:22

Yeah. So what is I'm just I'm confused. Okay, Tony. Have you ever owned a video called? Talk to me about weapon smuggling. Have you ever owned a video game? Uh like a cabinet. I've had uh pinball machine. No, it's not a video game. Then no.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Okay, when you open up a video game in the back of the cabinet, there's nothing in there, it's just a big empty space.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

Sure. The machine's up top by the screen, probably. I don't know. No, I don't know anything.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

Usually mounted on the side, but it's just like, you know, it's just like a circuit board.

unknown 28:56

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

And so you know, you got the thing that takes the coin, you got the screen, the CRT as we call them, and then you have the board that runs the game and you know, maybe some controls. But there's just so much empty space in the video game cabinet. And so their idea is we'll put guns into video cabinets and then we'll we'll ship them that way, which of course, you know, it's very easy to open the back of a video game and look inside. Sure.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Anyhow, there's a lot of cool video, there's a lot of cool arcade machines around, and I was like, I would work here.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

So they do a test, and the guy that tests the gun gets his eye burn out, and then they're like, you know, just go. I don't think did he die? I don't think he died, but then they were gonna just go. Well, he was okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:43

He was just rolling on the ground like owee, my eye, you know, like a big baby would. Um, and then they were like, but look at the target, and it still hit the target. So it just kind of the laser just shot in two directions, unfortunately. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

So that you know, Burke's just like, take him somewhere and kill him. Like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:02

Yeah, you can't let that evidence get out, you know.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

And then workman's comp, not in this day. And then the secondary, this the Big Willy's second in command is this woman who doesn't like Burke, and so she's taken the elevator, and he has rigged the elevator and murders her and like two other people in the elevator. And then just two innocent people, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:22

That's correct. Uh, very strange, because are people really gonna think that's an accident? I don't understand.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

And that's a you know, you're really gonna fuck up the building you're working in if you like basically cut the cables on an elevator. Right. That's gonna be a big, a big expense, you know, as opposed to just shooting her with a laser.

SPEAKER_03 30:42

Yeah, it's not isolated. You know, that's gonna cause some fallout damage.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

So uh the bad guys are making this vehicle. Martin is gonna go work for them. Okay. The bad guys. Kid wants money. At some point, they kind of explain that they know that Martin is Irons' brother and some. Do they they didn't explain? Do you remember them hinting to it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, so boom, here comes the evil vehicle. It's roaming the streets, and it attacks a building, uh, a bank. So it attacks a bank with the sonic laser cannon. Here go the bad guys. They uh go inside, they're taking the money, most of them leave. One guy's like, I'm gonna just keep grabbing money until I die. They bad guys leave, and then here comes Shaq as wait, is he steel already?

SPEAKER_03 31:41

He can't. We must have missed something. Because there's a moment where they like have a conversation about becoming steel, don't they?

SPEAKER_05 31:50

Hmm.

SPEAKER_03 31:53

What does he become steel? They break into the bank. I mean, you're right, because I those are my notes too, sequentially, but we must have missed something.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Oh no, he's with the woman in the car. Okay, yeah. So he she he's just driving with his friend who's a policewoman. Martin's in the back, they see it go down. Then he goes he's just Shaq. And he sees what's going on, and then she gets she gets injured. Yeah, and then he chases he's just Shaq. He chases this one guy down and catches him, but one of the other bad guys shoots him in the back.

SPEAKER_03 32:31

But he's fine.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Yeah. But he's fine. Because he's Shaq. And then he calls the colonel who he used to work with, and he's all like, they've got the guns, they've got the guns, and the colonel's like, meh, don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_03 32:44

It's fine. Uh classic government right there.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Now I wrote down Martin purple is the marks. He says something about the word purple. He did what? I don't know. I don't know what that means.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

I don't know either. Um purple. Nope.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

I got nothing. Oh, the oh no, no, that's what it is. Shaq talks to Martin, and he's like, the bad guys are wearing purple, and he's like, Oh, that's these guys. You can find them at this one pool hall. So he goes down to the pool hall, and here are the bad guys, and they start making fun of him, calling him the Jolly Black Giant, and then he's like, Yiata, and then they all pull guns, and he's all like, Well, you know who I am, and you can't just shoot me. Do you is that a bad?

SPEAKER_03 33:37

I think that's a cool nickname.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

The Marks.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

No, no, no. Oh, Jolly Black Giant. Like, that's that sounds kind of badass to me, but you know.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

He didn't take it horribly negatively. He didn't become incensed. They thought they were like, Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

And I was like, I I almost find that as like a cool nickname. I don't I wouldn't give that to somebody that I was, you know, trying to raz, as the kids say.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

Yeah, it's like making fun of somebody because they're bigger, stronger, or smarter. Cooler than you. Yep. All things you shouldn't really think that you're you're making points when you point out all of those things.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

Gosh, you're so much smarter than me, you idiot. Ha ha ha. You're smart, idiot.

SPEAKER_03 34:26

You super smart scientist, bulk uh bulked up monster. Uh-huh. What a loser.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Um, so he leaves and he's just like, okay, I'm gonna show you. He so he finds time to get serious. He calls the VA and then finds out that Sparks is in St. Louis, so instantly he's in St. Louis.

SPEAKER_03 34:48

It's gotta be close, right? I don't know. I haven't looked at a map in a while, but it's gotta be close. I would think LA, St. Louis.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

Probably like 25, 30 hour drive.

SPEAKER_03 34:57

I would think. Uh, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that drive twice, because then he brings her back. That's too much.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

So he goes there, and there she is. What is she what's she doing in the in the VA, Tony? I don't remember. What's she doing? She's sitting in her wheelchair staring out the window.

SPEAKER_03 35:15

That's why I don't remember. She wasn't doing anything. She's feeling sorry for herself. I mean, listen, I get it. It's tough. That's a tough thing. And what what does he do? Uh, I don't know. Does he pick her up? He does that a bunch in this movie.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

Busts out a window to show her that the world is out there waiting for.

SPEAKER_03 35:37

Oh, yeah, that's right. He does. You can't do that. You can't just break, you can't just go breaking windows. That's not that's not allowed. Then he picks her, picks her up in her chair. Yeah, he did, yeah. That's what I thought. I was like, I think this is the part where he picks her up, but I I don't know. And he carries her out. That's gotta be at least a little insulting, I think. But you know, what do I know?

SPEAKER_00 36:03

Yeah, I don't think that's what people with that disability really want, is everyone carrying them around in general.

SPEAKER_03 36:09

Right, yeah, because yeah, I don't know. But I mean, if it's Shaq, maybe I'd allow it, you know. Master Blaster situation. Master Blaster. Do you know who Master Blaster is? I have no idea who Master Blaster is.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

Master Blaster is from uh uh The Road Warrior 3. Mad Max 3. Oh.

SPEAKER_03 36:33

And Mel Gibson, okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

When they're in uh Bada Town, the guy that's in control of all the tech is Master Blaster, and he's like a little short guy, a little short guy, and then he I think he sits on the back of uh of a big, big bulky guy, and then he's Master Blaster.

SPEAKER_02 36:54

I gotta watch that movie again. That sounds delightful. Master Blaster. Master Blaster.

SPEAKER_03 37:01

Because that's uh Tina Turner. Oh, sure, sure.

SPEAKER_01 37:06

Crickadel, spin the wheel.

SPEAKER_03 37:09

Sure. That's pretty good, Dan.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

It's like I've probably only ever seen that movie like two, maybe three times at the most, but man. But it sticks with you. You go to see that movie when you're a kid, you're just like, okay, this movies, you can just stop making movies right now. You know, you've reached the pinnacle. Like Star Wars, very good. Road Warrior 3, okay, this is you know even better. I mean, actually, Road Warrior 2 is like the best, but the three, there's just some weird stuff in there. Because they yeah, when they do the battle in the they have like uh the the arena that they battle in, they do one where they're on they're on rubber bands.

SPEAKER_02 37:47

Oh, that's great.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

So they're both the people are like boing, boing, boing, boing, up and down, up and down rubber bands fighting.

SPEAKER_03 37:56

That sounds pretty fun, actually. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

And you know, it's like it's real. Like everything now, you know, it's like uh CGI. No, no, put them on some rubber, put them a couple of guys on rubber bands and and let them go.

SPEAKER_03 38:08

We'll see what we get in post. It'll be fine.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

Yes, we'll figure it out. Um, okay,

Junkyard HQ And Uncle Joe

SPEAKER_00 38:13

they go back to LA, they're at the junkyard, and here comes Uncle Joe, played by Lou Gossi Jr. Um He is inappropriate at times. At times, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

But I guess that's kind of like, you know, do your weird Uncle uh makes sense. He has by far my favorite line in the whole movie. One of the greatest lines of all time. As there and as he introduces himself, he goes, I'm Uncle Joe. Everyone just calls me Uncle Joe.

SPEAKER_02 38:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:44

Wow. He's like I he's getting meta on it on all of us. I'm like, very meta of you, Uncle Joe. Um Burke hires Martin, so he's got Martin in his clutches. Got him.

SPEAKER_03 38:58

Yeah, got that kid. Good.

SPEAKER_00 39:00

We have a 15-minute scene where where uh where Sparks falls out of her wheelchair and then has to has to summon the strength to get back in her wheelchair and keep fighting.

SPEAKER_03 39:13

Yeah, I mean it's yeah. Um it's great. It's really empowering. That's what I'll say.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

It's like a high it's like the lowest stakes, it's the highest stakes a person can have with their life in in the lowest stakes situation. If they did this, like when something was happening, it'd be like, oh come on, girl, you can do it. But instead, she she's just there brushing her teeth or whatever she's doing.

SPEAKER_03 39:39

Yeah, and then they're just watching her. And then does one of them give her a thumbs up? I think one of them gives her a thumbs up. I almost I I feel like I remember that. It's it's weird. Uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 39:54

Uh Martin's nosing around and he's always talking about money. And so I don't, you know, we're just they've they really work hard to set up that Martin is important to the story, and then he never really is important to the story.

SPEAKER_03 40:06

He's no, he doesn't really end up mattering at all, turns out.

SPEAKER_00 40:10

But I hope he gets that money. Come on. Um, it's time for a for a uh build the build the steels equipment montage.

Building Steel Suit Montage

SPEAKER_02 40:20

Great, great stuff.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

Makes a helmet, which is supposedly out of steel, but actually made out of rubber. He makes a lot of armor made out of rubber, he makes a hammer made out of plastic.

SPEAKER_03 40:32

Yeah, yeah, but it twists, it's got a twisty cap, so that's pretty good, you know. Uh, it doesn't look great. Um I do appreciate, I feel like there was a line somewhere that Shaq is basically like, if I wasn't a behemoth, this would be impractical. Something he doesn't say those words, but they they nod to the fact that, like, yeah, this is gonna be stupid heavy. Um, Shaq is a big guy, so he could do it.

SPEAKER_00 41:00

I think they say it's 70 pounds worth of armor.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

I think something like that. And that's that's a lot of armor to walk around in, guys. I don't know if you've ever tried, but it's hard.

SPEAKER_00 41:10

Yeah. Yeah, I remember we went we went backpacking one time, and you know, you're just like, I'm gonna carry on 40 pounds on my back for all this time. No, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

I'm like, and then if you're if you're canoeing, you also got portage, so you got the canoe on top of you with your backpack, and it's just like I'm never doing this again. This is the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life. Did you do that? Did you portage your canoe? I went to the boundary waters back in uh college. Look at you. Guys trip, lots of mosquitoes. I wouldn't recommend it. It wasn't, I mean, it was fun, but it was also like I don't like the outdoors, so I'm all good.

SPEAKER_00 41:46

The thing I remember was uh the bears, and you they had these boxes you put the food in, and then you know, and lock them so the bears can't get it. And I guess there was one bear that was out there at the box, and he was just like this all night.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Boom, boom!

SPEAKER_03 42:02

Boom, boom, boom, trying to get to the food. Just so mad, but like, what is this box? Who did this?

SPEAKER_02 42:09

It's great. Poor bear, he just wanted some food. He wanted the food.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

Um, so he's got his stuff. He's gonna go out the first night on patrol. He fights this random street thief who uh says, Don't kill me, I've got a wife and kids.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

Right. Well, guy, listen, maybe you shouldn't be such a fucking jerk off then. A. Uh, but it's weird they keep cutting back to Uncle J and Sparks, and they are laughing so hard as he like beats the shit out of this guy. It's very weird how much they're enjoying it and like laughing and giggling. It's inappropriate, okay? This is serious business.

SPEAKER_00 42:53

So after he kind of beats them up, beats up this guy who stole this money from the fancy people, he's like, go give the fancy people back their stuff. Right. That's not gonna work. Um and then he's then as he does as he as he's leaving, he says to the fancy people, you all be cool now, and then he rides like an escalator up.

SPEAKER_03 43:14

Right, which isn't cool.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

Oh, and then we have the big gang battle.

Magnet Hammer Street Showdown

SPEAKER_00 43:21

So we've got we've got uh I'm assuming the the the African American kids, the uh Marks, and then we have the Latinos, and the Latinos are are chasing these African American kids, and then he gets in the middle, and we get to see him. Uh he gets to he he blasts the car with the sonic. He gets to see, yeah, that was it was actually a really nice effect. Yeah. The sonic effects are actually really good in this movie.

SPEAKER_03 43:50

Pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. Because it like the they're driving towards him. Yeah. That's this one, right? And then he hits it and they like fly through the windshield, which by The way they're dead, but it they look good, it's cool. All these dead bodies, it's a real superhero movie.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

Um, and these guys like it after that happens, they keep coming at it. You're just like, Yeah, yeah, as you would, because you're mad now. This guy's messing with us, and he's got his hammer out, and he's like, It's hammer time, and he turns on the electromagnet, and it sucks all the knives and guns and everything, metal. Well, not everything.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

Um car doesn't move. Well, your car's parked. It's in park. The car is parked. There you go, everybody. It can't move. It's parked. It's in park. That's the whole point of park. It's not moving anywhere. The range on this thing is silly, Dan. Yeah, the hammer can suck things from so far away. Um, so do you know what an MRI machine is? Yeah, I've I've gotten a couple in my day, you know.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

I think it's the MR machine. Is that the one that's the big magnet? There's one of them that's the big magnet.

SPEAKER_03 45:00

Yeah, yeah, because you yeah, because they they tell you you gotta get all the stuff out of your pot. Yeah, also. And they're like, Do you have any plates? Because it'll suck it right out of you. It's very scary stuff.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

There's a news story, it's probably two years ago now. Some That's not even that old. Some guy, his wife or something was in the MRI machine, he went in the room, had a chain around a metal chain around his neck, killed him. Sucked him in, killed him.

SPEAKER_03 45:27

Oh my god. Can you imagine being the person? And I mean, all very sad. This is a very sad story, but being in the MRI machine, and all of a sudden a body's like flying at you. You're like, what the fuck is going on? That's terrifying. Yeah, no, those things are no joke. You're but also who let him in the room?

SPEAKER_00 45:46

You're not supposed to be I never really heard the full, you know, it's one of those things where you never really heard the full story. You should probably look it up now, you know. Figure out what exactly went on.

SPEAKER_03 45:56

That's bad. That's that's very sad. Yeah, shit. Yeah, those things are and they're so loud when you're in, it's it's not a fun experience. Shannon hates them. Yeah, I get that.

SPEAKER_00 46:08

I fall, I fall asleep.

SPEAKER_03 46:12

It's like Dan's sound machine. I need that sound every day before I go to bed. Ah, so perfect.

SPEAKER_00 46:21

Yeah, I always do those things, and I lay so perfectly still, they're just like, oh, you did that perfectly.

SPEAKER_03 46:26

That's I mean, that you're probably the dream subject. I'm I I twitch, I move a lot. I can't get comfortable, and it's not like it's you're on a bed, you know what I mean? Like you're on a plastic slab, and then you're just supposed to stay still for 10 minutes. Pass. No thanks.

SPEAKER_02 46:42

Yeah, I was like, so nice. It's just so good. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

So all the bad guys run away once he magnets all their stuff. Then here come the cops. He they they he he they're like freeze, and then he shoots a cable up and then climbs up a building and then makes a it's the slowest ascension you'll ever see in your entire life, Dan. Tony, don't make fun of his slow ascension. The slowest you think this is this is this is how Tony would have cut the you had the police officers look it up, he's like, Wow. Uh huh. Should we should we just go get him?

SPEAKER_03 47:22

I guess should we I guess should we just go get him right now?

SPEAKER_00 47:24

I guess if we took the elevator, we'd probably beat him to the top.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

Just let him go. Don't worry about it. He's doing a cool thing. Let him go.

SPEAKER_00 47:32

Then he makes another, he jumps across to another building, which they tell him, which because Sparks and Uncle Joe are watching him because they got a video feed. And they're like, they're really not helpful for the most part. They're mostly just beating the.

SPEAKER_03 47:46

You know, usually your quote unquote guy in the chair, that's like what they name it, is usually much more beneficial to you out there. Um they're worthless, they're just watching, they're just there for popcorn. Yeah, they're just having a good time, they're cracking beers open, just having a great night.

SPEAKER_00 48:03

Um, so he jumps the other one, runs across, then cables down, and then the cable breaks, and you're like, oh, he's gonna fall into garbage. He falls in garbage.

SPEAKER_03 48:15

That's what you thought. I didn't know that. I thought he was gonna land all cool. I thought he was gonna do like the superhero landing, but he didn't. He fell into garbage.

SPEAKER_00 48:23

It's his first night out. He's gonna land in garbage.

SPEAKER_03 48:25

That's okay. But let's just think about this. What kind of garbage is going to be able to stop Shaq falling in 70-pound armor? Is that 400 pounds at that point? He's a big dude. The gravitational pull alone. Damn. He's going through the crust. With the hammer and the armor. He's falling so hard.

SPEAKER_00 48:50

I don't know. He's fine. He gets out, gets on a motorcycle. They they they hack, they hack into the into the light. Sort of. That's how they sort of that's how they they stop him as they change the lights. And so the police have to stop.

SPEAKER_03 49:08

Right? The police have to stop because they get a red light. It's a red light. It's a red light, guys. You gotta stop. Can't turn on your lights.

SPEAKER_00 49:15

Woo! Um, and so they get he the junkyard has a you know, bat door that they go through, and then that has another bat cave of into a cave of trash. And that's where their HQ is a yeah a cave of trash.

SPEAKER_03 49:30

Right, which is so much less cool than like a Batman. When he when he pulls in and like the cave or the the mountain opens up, you're like, oh, what a cool thing. When when Shaq pulls in and trash opens up, it's not that cool. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Uh so now we now we're we're on to the second caper.

Federal Reserve Heist And Chase

SPEAKER_00 49:53

The bad guys this time are going to trigger a power failure, and then they're gonna attack the Federal Reserve with their truck. So they've got the truck this time. So the first time we had steel on patrol. This time it's the bad guys with their special truck that has the big sonic weapon on the the top. They blast the guard. Oh, it yeah, they use use a sonic weapon to blow it open, they blast the guards, and then you know, uh Shaq's, he's also on patrol in a in another vehicle.

SPEAKER_02 50:22

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 50:22

Where they brought the dog along. Yep, yep. You gotta have the hounds. Can't leave the dog can't leave the dog at home. So he goes in there and fights them, and then he tear gases them.

SPEAKER_03 50:35

Yeah, yeah, I guess it's that, probably. Not, you know. Because that's a good way to escape. Yeah, and then you don't want to hurt anybody.

SPEAKER_00 50:43

Yeah, and then they're able to sonnet gun him, and then there's a helicopter, and so they sonnet gun the helicopter, and he has to run over there and save a policeman.

SPEAKER_02 50:53

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:55

And then once again, uh the bad guys, I guess they get away. Um with the money. Yeah, what do you expect? And then the what do the police chase?

SPEAKER_03 51:06

They chase steel on a motorcycle. So I mean, they sort of chase. They follow. I would call it they follow. They're not really chasing because you could beat chat. Listen, I have I think I told you this. I had a a scooter back in the day. I had a I I had I had a was a 500cc scooter, I think, something like that. I couldn't go more than 50 miles per hour on that thing. I understand he's on a full-fledged motorcycle, but he's a big guy. He's not going 120. You know what I mean? He's if he's breaking three digits, it's right on the cusp. They can go faster than him.

SPEAKER_00 51:47

Well, the good news is he's got like a button that he pushes that drops caltrips, which you know, pops the tires, and then he drives by a water truck and he shoots the water truck with a laser and that waters a police. That seems very dangerous.

SPEAKER_03 52:00

Yeah, you shouldn't do that.

SPEAKER_05 52:02

Very dangerous.

SPEAKER_03 52:05

And then the helicopter's still not there. The helicopter doesn't join for 20, 25 minutes. I don't know. This is a bad chase.

SPEAKER_00 52:13

And then we do the full spy hunter, you know, at the back of the truck opens up and he drives in the back of the room.

SPEAKER_03 52:18

Spy Hunter was a Dan, that is a wonderful callback. What a great game that was. So hard.

SPEAKER_00 52:25

Pretty, pretty mediocre movie that we haven't done yet. Was there a movie? Spy Hunter? Absolutely. Yeah. But I might be getting it confused with what's his name from Deadwood? Timothy Oliphant? Timmy O Timothy Oliphant. No, he was Hitman. He was Hitman. He was Hitman. I might be thinking about Hitman with him being bald and there's some people who look fine bald.

SPEAKER_03 52:54

Wait.

SPEAKER_02 52:56

What the hell?

SPEAKER_03 52:57

What's going on? Was the rock in Spy Hunter? Could be. Could be. I'm gonna have to look. I'm so confused right now. I'm gonna have to look this up later. Yeah, so there is a Spy Hunter movie? Oh, hold on. Film stories, Spy Hunter, a canceled Dwayne Johnson blockbuster that still got a tie-in video game. Wait, they still made the video game, but they didn't release the movie? This is this is a great story. I it I don't think it exists. I don't think the movie was ever released. But I mean, no, no, no. But it might have been made. It might have been. I don't know. Oh wow. I don't know. I thought there was this is incredible.

SPEAKER_00 53:34

Oh, we gotta we gotta find the guy, let us see it.

SPEAKER_03 53:37

We gotta figure this out. I love this. Um, so during this chase, I think is when she calls him baby, by the way. Oh, okay. Because she's on calm still, right? I think so. At one point she says, watch your back, baby. Probably. Because I wrote that line down in this area of the notes.

SPEAKER_00 53:55

Yeah. Um, the bad guys filmed all this, so they leaked the tapes to the media. All the gangs want with it. Yeah, it's the the sort of plot machination's like, okay, release it to the media. Doesn't make any sense. Um, John Henry's injured and she patches him up. So once again, I think she's into him.

SPEAKER_03 54:18

Very sexy.

SPEAKER_00 54:19

And then Burke clues in the cops as to where they could find John Henry. But before he goes to get in trouble, Sparks and Uncle Joe talk about John Henry, and she's like, This Jungle Joe, he's he's doing too much, it's no good. And then Uncle Joe's like, Oh, you gotta be forged in fire.

SPEAKER_03 54:43

Yeah, cuz because you know, steel. Steel. It's a metal. You get it.

SPEAKER_00 54:48

It's one of those metal things. Um, so he goes to see grandma, and I believe we do the souffle bit again, but he's Yeah, we do more whispering, dude.

SPEAKER_03 55:01

I listen, I I guess you telling me it's a real thing, maybe it is funny.

SPEAKER_00 55:07

Oh no, it wasn't funny. It's too much. It's it's funny because it's they're so committed to the bit, and the bit's like a big thing.

SPEAKER_03 55:14

They're so committed for so long, too. They talk for five to six minutes in whispers. That's not fun for an audience viewer.

SPEAKER_00 55:23

Okay. Uh so boom, here come the police. The

Grandma’s House Raid And Lineups

SPEAKER_00 55:28

one police busts in through the window, and then he throws that police on the ground, and then they come in through the other doors, and he, you know, they surround him, they search the basement, and boom, here is the illegal gun.

SPEAKER_02 55:41

Yeah. Well, I don't know how that got there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:45

Um, and then we do the multiple lineups. The the old people are like, they know who it is, but they know that he also got them their shit back, so they're all like, yeah. Right, so they don't say anything. The police. Yeah. And then the policeman comes in there that almost got hit by the helicopter, but he saved him for being hit by a helicopter, so he's all like, I think.

SPEAKER_03 56:05

They do a moment where they lock eyes and he gives them a just a gentle nod. I'm not turning you in.

SPEAKER_00 56:12

And a no and a knowing smile.

SPEAKER_03 56:16

Yeah, that's it. You think that was written in the script? That that sounds verbatim from the script. A gentle nod and a knowing smile.

SPEAKER_00 56:25

So instead of letting him out now, which you're like, wait a second, why would they let him out because he has the illegal gun?

SPEAKER_03 56:33

Right. You you have evidence on him. You don't need to, yeah, you can't pin him on for those two things, but he has an illegal weapon. You can just charge him with it.

SPEAKER_00 56:42

So they're holding him still. So he's in a holding cell, and then we find out that the they're gonna have the big auction where they auction off the new weapons in 11 hours. What? Why what? Well, that's your classic, you know, Daredevil goes to the the bar and he beats somebody up, and then the guy's like, 11 o'clock, the dogs, you know, you gotta that's how you motivate action.

SPEAKER_03 57:05

You're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_00 57:06

You get you go somewhere, you get the information. So now we have this whole bit where where they go and they steal, Uncle Joe steals the DA's signature, and then Sparks calls the DA and gets him to gets him to speak into the microphone, and then she uses a computer to make a fake thing to call the office and disguise her voice as the DA, and then she faxes over a signed release form where they've stolen the TAs.

SPEAKER_03 57:43

Yeah, it's so convoluted. And then John Henry is free. Yeah, then they just let him go, because that's all very believable, which is great. Uh, because honestly, just have them lift the thing off the hinges and move it and then walk out. You know what I mean? At this point, this is all ridiculous. Just have him walk out of jail.

SPEAKER_00 58:06

He could do it, or just let him go.

SPEAKER_03 58:09

Or just let him go. Yeah, either one.

SPEAKER_02 58:11

Either one, whatever you want to do.

SPEAKER_00 58:13

The lineups failed, but we're still keeping you locked up. Like, what? Just let him go after that. We don't we don't need the this whole chicanery.

The Jailbreak Fax Scheme

SPEAKER_00 58:22

So he knows where to go. We know where it's happened at 11. It's like Nazis and the government and ethnic people.

SPEAKER_03 58:31

You know?

SPEAKER_00 58:33

Give me some, give me five ethnic people of one ethnicity, then five other ethnic people of another ethnicity.

SPEAKER_02 58:40

We just group them together. Yeah, it'll be fine.

SPEAKER_00 58:42

Okay, so he goes in there, he scares off some dogs, he sees Big Burke and Big Willy, and then he gets blasted by the henchmen, but they've also they roll out sparks, they've got sparks.

SPEAKER_03 58:58

Tough stuff. Tough stuff.

SPEAKER_00 59:00

When do they have time to get her?

SPEAKER_03 59:02

I wouldn't worry about it, because they got her. That's all you need to think about, Dan. Um the the wildest part of the movie's coming up. I'll I'll let you continue and I'll stop you before it happens.

SPEAKER_00 59:15

Well, this is actually the best. This is the one prescient thing in the movie. Okay. Works there. He's all like, here's the weapons. I'm not getting I'm not selling you these weapons. I'm leasing you these weapons. Leasing. Pretty smart. Tony, what's going on? What's going on with uh computer programs and leasing right now?

SPEAKER_03 59:38

What do you mean? AI? Are we talking AI right now? What's going on? Adobe. The creative cloud. Sons of bitches. My God. I s if I was not employed, I would have to spend so much money just to use these apps. You used to be able to just buy them. Yeah. You know, and then they would sell you every once in a while. They they'd be like, oh, 20 bucks for an update if you want to go to the next version. Fine. Probably 20 is probably not enough. It's probably like $99 for a version update. But now it's like $3 million a month if you want to, if you want everything. It is wild, but it's brilliant. I mean, you are making so much money. Like my company, every person in my studios team, which is like 30 people, we all have the full suite, which is hundreds and hundreds a month times 30. And that's just one team. We got a bunch of other teams. You're making so much money. Yeah. So much money. It's a terrible but very smart business plan. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:44

So he he he told us where it's where it was going with stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:48

Um, and that's true. They steel called it. Good job, Stippy Writers of Steel. They knew it was the future. They get it.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:54

Uh Burke just kills Big Willie. He's like, eh, not sharing with you anymore.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:59

Well, I I I do love this moment because he he says uh I I am in charge or something, and he's like, We are in charge. And he just shoots him. He's like, nope, it's just me.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:10

See you. Usually you do the psycho guy, you know, I just killed my own person. No, this is exactly when he would have killed that guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:17

You're like, yep, that's when he would kill him. Because now is now it's just me. I'm taking over. Sorry. Yeah, this is my operation. I'm gonna make all the money. Uh GFY.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:27

Um, and we find out he doesn't care about money, he cares about power.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:31

Power. Yep. As which makes sense, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:35

Um, out come the his his boys in the hood. Uh so he's still got them going on. And then back at back out at the truck, uh Uncle Joe gets captured, but the dog who they've been carrying around with them jumps the bad guy, so Uncle Joe's Joe's still in the game. Okay, what do you want to say?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:59

He's still alright. Um, I don't know when this happens during this all this scene, but it's when I think it's when Sparks comes out and Shaq is like, uh-oh, what do I do now?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:11

The answer, and I I um I'm gonna whisper it because I feel bad saying he should shoot her. Well, oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. He should shoot her first, so so once he kills her, then he can do whatever he needs to do. But the bad guy tells Shaq that what he needs to do is uh he says, I would kiss her crippled ass goodbye. That's a direct line from the movie, and I don't think you could say that. Um, but I I was my jaw hit the floor. I was like, oh boy, they really went for it there. Um so you know, he's a bad guy. He's a bad guy.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:47

Well, the world we're in right now, you could probably say that again. That's unfortunate. That's the world we're back in. All that stuff's back on the table because because all the terrible people are so much more terrible than anything that you can say that's uh that's ableist. Not that we're gonna do it. I mean, Tony just did it because Tony's a terrible person. But I but I put quotes around it, I put quotes around it, so it doesn't count.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:11

Is that how it works? I'm pretty sure that's how it counts. Okay. If I didn't say it, I'm just regurgitating it. I think it's fine. I think you're supposed to say the C word.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:22

Um chat chat bot? Chat bot chat GPT. So boom, here we go.

Weapon Auction Chaos And Wheelchair Guns

SPEAKER_00 1:03:28

Burke's got his hammer, and and Shaq's like, how am I gonna do this? I'm gonna say, I'm gonna I'm gonna trick him because I know Burke will Burk will fall for it. He's like, Oh, don't don't click the red button, don't twist the red button because then it'll be too powerful for you to ever da da da da. And Burke's like, ha ha ha ha, you can't make me not click the red button, and then he clicks the red button and it makes the electromagnet go off, so all the guns stick the shack, and his hammer comes back to him.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:00

Reverse psychology? That's how you're gonna solve your movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:05

When you're a child and you see reverse psychology in a movie or a TV show, you're like, that's so smart. Oh my god. So smart. These guys are so clever. One of these days I'm gonna have a chance to give reverse psychology someone and I'll show the world.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:20

And guess what? Doesn't really work in real life. Uh, you have to be very subtle about it. Very subtle. In that sort of scope. I mean, I'll be honest. If someone tells me, yo, they're like, hey, don't look over there, I do look over there, right? That's that's a thing. But if somebody was my adversary and they were like, hey, don't push that button, it's too powerful. I'm not pushing the button. I'm not that dumb. Uh, he's not, he's definitely trying to trick me. That's just silly.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:49

Tony, you're gonna push the button.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:51

Uh I might push the button.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:53

I don't know, just to see. And then Spark starts launching missiles. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Her chair is a machine gun, it's a missile launcher. I think he has the Sonic in there. And it spins in circles. And I have to say, this is one of the worst gun battle scenes of all times. Because I don't know who's shooting at Hugh. I don't know what any objectives are. It's just, you know, one person will be shooting from the left-hand corner, the right-hand corner, shooting up, shooting down, shooting straight forward, shooting into the ground. You're like, I have no idea who's shooting at him.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:28

It's just absolute pandemonium. It's great stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:32

And then Burke comes out, and lo and behold, Burke has Martin.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:36

So somehow he also has Martin there. He's got everybody. He's got everybody except for grandma.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:41

Now, how does how does Steele save Martin?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:44

I don't I didn't write down how he how he saved Martin from Burke. At some point they get trapped in a room together. I know that.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:53

Well, he saves him somehow, and then they run away into a room, and then Burke throws a grenade in there.

unknown 1:05:59

And then

SPEAKER_00 1:06:00

We have enough time for Martin to teach Shaq how to shoot three.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:07

I'm like, you gotta bend your knees. You get five. What do you get? Five seconds with grenades?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:15

Tops? I don't even know. I don't know, but it's not enough time to teach somebody how to shoot free throws. Shaq shoots the free throws and it goes click, click, click, you know, and you're like, oh, it's clicking off the rim. And they needed to put a clicking off the rim joke or something in there. 100%.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:32

Yeah, I agree. I was waiting for that too. Yeah, according to AI, you get four to five seconds before most grenades will detonate. That was not five seconds.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:43

It was like 30 seconds.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:46

At least. At least. Three or four grenades have blown up in their hands. That's all I'm going to say.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:52

Shaq does not have hands anymore. Um, it goes outside and it kills, uh kills like his his uh Burke's number one henchman. The guy with the deepest voice ever.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:04

God, that guy's voice was so deep. Um Dan's jealous.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:09

They go out there, and Burke is like, Oh, I've got my new toy. Giant sonic cannon comes out of the truck, it shoots at steel, he just turns around, it bounces off of him and blows Burke to hell. How does that make any sense, Dan?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:27

He's made out of steel. Sure, but he gets shot with the smaller sonic gun and he flies backwards through a building at one point. Because his suit is in his suit is in park.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:41

That's what it is.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:42

And that's what we call a callback, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:46

Well done. Uh they escape in the bank mobile, and then Martin's like, oh my god, my brother is steel. Ah, I want to be Robin. He wants to be, he wants to be the sidekick. Which is a bad idea.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:59

Just throwing it out there.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:00

The whole place blows up, and then as the bad guys, the bad buyers are trying to go down this the street, here comes the government and helicopters to arrest them all.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:11

So good. What a treat.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:14

Now we just have a bit of epilogue. The colonel

Epilogue Party And Souffle Payoff

SPEAKER_00 1:08:16

calls Steele and then, I mean, calls John Henry, and he's like, Who is this steel? I'll never be able to figure it out.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:23

And he's and they have an Arnold voice on the phone instead of Shaq's voice. Because he's talking. The government guy thinks he's talking to Steel. He's like, Who are you? And he's I'll never tell.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:37

Oh, that's what was going on. I did not understand.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:39

Yeah, it's like a weird, it's a weird bit. I didn't, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:43

I don't know. Then they have a local party. Grandma's cooked the soul food, including a souffle. She brings out black and blue. She brings out the souffle. Everyone claps because once it's cooked, you can clap.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:56

Oh, okay. So once it's cooked, if you yell at it, it doesn't deflate. No. Okay. I don't understand the rules.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:03

Well, it's like it's very light until it it cooks, till it fully cooks, and then it folds. And then it solidifies a little. So if it's uncooked, then it um and then and then sparks in the wheelchair. She's upgraded the wheelchair. I thought it was just going very high, but instead it's going so that it can hold her up so that he can give her a hug.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:28

Not what she listen. If someone goes through all the trouble to create a wheelchair that goes from sitting to standing all by herself, it's not for a hug. I'll tell you that right now. She wants some tongue action. Okay. Jesus came tour. Stop. It's a kiss. That's a kiss, Tony. What do you want from me?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:48

We're not one of your filthy shows that you watch.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:51

Boy, we finished off campus. It was a delight.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:55

I watched the first like first 10 minutes of that. It's just like male ass.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:01

Yeah, yeah. You get some penis later. She goes into the locker room and it's just like dick, dick, dick, dick. Great stuff. Oddly, they're all uncircumcised, which I found very interesting.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:13

She's not that not especially attractive either.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:17

No, that is, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:18

I mean, that's fine, but you know, it's like all these super studly guys, and then she's just kind of like, I'm a girl. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:26

That's fine. I don't know. That's fine. She's also, it's also, I mean, again, listen, I'm not gonna judge anything. She's like 19 and everyone else is like late 20s, which is weird in real life. So I don't know. I may not have cast her. That's all I'm gonna say.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:42

Feels a little dirty, doesn't it? Watching a 19 little weird.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:44

It's a little weird. Yeah, yeah, it's a little weird. Um fun show though. Can't wait for the next season. Next season is Dean, uh, who's my favorite character. He's the blonde guy, if you if you saw far. I love him. He's great. He's like uh, yeah, he's great.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:58

It seemed like it was just naked men and no naked women. So I'm like, how's that fair?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:02

You get a little you get a little both. You get a little, but I mean the show is most, you know, it's aimed at a female audience who probably read the books. Uh but I love it. Yeah, it's a book series.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:14

Yeah. So that's the end of that's the end of Steel. Uh, you know, it's uh watch Kazan.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:22

Agreed. Or, you know, whatever Dan thinks the third movie is that he started.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:27

I don't know if there's I mean, I thought there might be a third one. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:30

Um I'm sure there is somewhere.

What We’re Watching Now

SPEAKER_00 1:11:32

Now we talk about something we we like this week. We started watching this show Legends, with um it's a British show, and basically it's about this actual program in back in Margaret Thatcher times in England where they hired normal civil servants to infiltrate the drug trade because they didn't have for some reason they didn't want to do it with the police, so they just hired random people in the civil service, and so uh that's wild. The first episode is just it shows you how you can establish characters very quickly with just you know just a scene or two, and you're like, oh, okay, I understand I get it, I understand the basics of this person, you know, where they're gonna go through the course of the series is another thing, but just I know where we're starting. Yeah, and and we watch so many movies where they do not set up characters, you know, like this movie. There were no characters, there were just no people that went about plot, you know, yeah, and and so you're like, okay. So that's why it's not a movie, it's a TV show. TV shows are about plot and not really about character.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:46

And so, yeah. So and the plot is male booty sometimes, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:51

Tony's only plot. So, legends, check it out. What do you have for us, Tony?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:54

All right. Uh, well, we didn't watch anything new. We this week was all about finishing things. We finished off campus, which was a treat, and we also finished Rooster, which is probably my favorite show in a long time. Since Ted, since we watched Ted Lasso the first time.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:10

It's a real, it's a real sitcom or whatever you want to call what sitcoms are.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:16

Delightful. Yeah. Carell is so good in this show. He's so effing charming. He's very funny. The whole case, I mean, the whole cast is amazing. It's it's a great show. I loved it. I would recommend it to everybody. There you go.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:31

Um,

Paul Walter Hauser Podcast Detour

SPEAKER_00 1:13:32

so a couple weeks ago, we did a movie called Balls Up.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:40

Yeah, great, great movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:42

So I listened to this one podcast. It's called I don't know what it's called. Good something. What's it called? I'll look at it. It's called Okay. It's called The Good One or Good One, sponsored by The Vulture, which is something, I don't know. Okay, I think that's like a network, maybe. Yeah, it's something. Yeah, maybe a website. So in this thing, this guy interviews comedians for the most part. Although he did like some weird woman wrestler a while ago. That was I did not listen to that episode. She was very uninteresting. She was like one of the big female wrestlers, but I'm just like so I like the latest episode's just got some guy, and I'm like, I don't know who that is. And so he starts talking to the guy, and I was like, wait, I know who this guy is. His name is Paul Walker Hauser. What's his name? Paul Walter. It's Paul Walterhauser.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:36

Great. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:37

So on the course of my walk over two days, I listened to an hour-long interview with Paul Walterhauser. That he Okay, how do you feel? That he made they did this interview right after Balls Up was either coming out or right before it came out. Okay. How much time do you think they spend talking about Balls Up?

SPEAKER_03 1:14:58

I would think three, four minutes, because it's a terrible movie. I wouldn't spend any time on it.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:04

I think they spent no time on it. I do not think they talked about anything other than saying it was great, you know, how Mark Walbert's coming out directly called him to be in the movie, and how that's cool fairly directed it, didn't talk about any of the bits in the movie, didn't talk about anything. And it's like, well, of course you didn't because the movie was terrible, you know. You're just like, yeah, hold on. I mean, maybe maybe I wasn't paying attention, but that's that was my takeaway from listening to the thing. I don't remember them ever talking about it. They spent more time talking about like a Key and Peel sketch that he was in, and he was in one sketch in um uh the Tim Robbins TV show.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:49

I think you should leave.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:50

Yeah, he's he's in one of those. Okay. He played he played the Mole Man in Fantastic Four. Okay. And got mostly mostly cut out. Um I guess I think John Malkovich played a character in it, and he got cut out completely. So wow. Okay. So whatever all that means. So and he talked about writing and doing all this stuff and pitching, and he talked about um he was a raging drug addict. Oh. And he's uh he's a he's a wrestler. He loves wrestling. I didn't know I knew that. But he he got off of he got off of the drugs and all that stuff, and he became Christian. He's a Christian, and so he does all this Christian stuff. And I can't decide if he I don't know, I can't say if I believe him.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:45

Oh that is not where I thought you were going with the story. I didn't know where you were going, but to end it with, I don't think I believe anything this guy says was not where I thought you were going.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:55

I mean, I believe he's not I believe he's not doing drugs or anything. I believe all that, and I believe he loves his family and all this stuff, and I believe see I believe he believes in Christianity, but he just can't, you know, and he he acts very humble, but I'm just like, I don't know. I don't know if it's all an act or not. I'm and it's like I've never had that with you know, comedians are really usually like, I'm a comedian, I'm this this weird, messed up person, but yeah, he seems incredibly calculated about Hollywood. Um and he's set up to do the John Candy um oh biopic. And he's also set up to do the um mankind uh biopic.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:45

I mean, I'm gonna watch that.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:46

Yeah. Okay. And it's like he was in that Blackbird movie where he played the evil person, and he was he's a really good actor. Yeah and I think he's a really good comedian, but I think you I think you have to have somebody that moves him in the right direction.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:05

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:05

Yeah. You know, because that that did not happen in balls up. It sure did not. And I also wonder if in balls up the reason why he plays such a milk toasty guy is I think he might be very afraid to go to dark places and play people that are terrible people. Which, if you're doing comedy, you gotta play terrible people.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:26

Yeah, you do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:29

You gotta go there. Alright. Preamble

Naked Gun Preview And Runtime Guess

SPEAKER_00 1:18:32

2, we are going to watch the new Naked Gun movie, which he is also in. Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:41

Yeah, yeah. Liam Neeson, Pamela Anderson. That's all I remember. Paul Walterhauser. Well, sure. I yeah, that's a given. That's a given. Um, yeah, okay. I'm gonna give you how long do you think the Naked Gun movie is? It's gotta be 80? 80? 85 minutes?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:00

82 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:02

Okay, yeah, it sounds about right. It's not gonna be a movie. And it's done by the Lonely Island guys, so. Oh, really? I don't know. I think I'm gonna like it. You might love it. Except for except for him. I'm probably not gonna like him very much. But if he, you know, maybe he'll be funnier than I am expecting him to. But he didn't look very funny in the trailer. They gave him a joke, if I remember, and I was like, that fell flat. Well, he's he plays like the sort of the straight guy. Sure, but even in a movie like that, straight guys have to like play off. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:36

That's why I that's why I was like, okay, this is this is the movie, because he talked about it, he did, because they talked about one joke that's in the in there, and I was like, okay, that joke's kind of he got he told one joke that was super he and that was the thing through this whole one-hour interview, he never said anything funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:56

He never said, except there was one joke that he told that was from something, and it was it was a you know, like, or you know, a bit, whatever, it was a doozy. And I was like, oh my god, that's you know, I was laughing my ass off. But I didn't laugh, I don't think I laughed a single time, you know, as opposed to I was I listened to a Michelle Wolf podcast where she was on the this one thing, and she's just so funny. You know, she're like I I don't quite understand him. Is he I think he might be more of a writer than he is a comedian. Sure. And it's it's very weird.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:31

I don't know either. Well, I guess we'll find out more about him next week.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:35

Dig a little deeper into Paul Walter. But I just thought it was so funny we're on. I read his name after we'd done that sh you know movie a couple weeks ago, and I like the the name was like I don't I don't know that name, I've never read that name before. And we talked about it for for for two hours. For two hours, yeah. And we sat through his movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:53

So whatever. I mean, most of it at least. Time

Spider Story And Delivery Life

SPEAKER_03 1:21:02

to wrap it up. Are you gonna wrap up?

SPEAKER_05 1:21:03

No.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:04

No? All right, let's tell you, let's hang out a little bit. What else you got, Dan?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:08

We've been doing these nice one hour and 14-minute episodes. It's kind of nice. We don't have, you know, we're not over an hour and a half, so it's kind of nice.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:14

You want to stretch it out a little bit more? So he's saying, I mean, we can we can riff. No, let's riff, baby.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:20

Talking too much. I'm talking too much.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:21

I forgot my water. Good. You want to talk about that? Good. No. I want to pay the spider for doing that. Well, it's dead now, Dan. You can't. I murdered that song bitch. Why? Well, so I stepped on it. He was in my kitchen, apparently. I was doing dishes, yada yada yada yada. And I turned around and I stepped and I was like, ow, something just hit, something, you know, pricked me. And I looked down and there was a spider that was like, so then I had to kill him quickly because I felt bad. But uh now my footage is a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:54

You know, Buddhists go around with a little broom that they broom so they don't step on things. Living things.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:02

Well, you okay. Oh, I'm sorry I didn't have a broom in my hands while I was doing my dishes, Dan. How many hands do you think I got? Okay, maybe if I had a dishwasher, I could have a broom and then just fill up the dishwasher, but I got a scrub and I got a wipe. Okay? See, all a lot of work.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:17

Already we're both funnier than Paul Walter Hauser.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:21

I don't know about that. I'm slowly dying. I'm gonna have to get rid of the leg. Uh I'd have that looked at. Did you put some neosporin on it or something? Did you think I have neosporin in my house? I'm not prepared for things like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:35

Order from Amazon, they'll bring it the next morning.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:38

Same day delivery, maybe. If you're lucky. There you go. I know Amazon's like a bad company, but boy, is it convenient. You know, sorry. We live in Los Angeles, we're very rich. That's that's true. Because so in when I go home to Minnesota and like stay at my parents' house, it's like eight days delivery. I was like, what are you talking about? Just bring it from the factory. Is it really? They don't have them. It's ridiculous. If you do Amazon there, it's not the same. You don't keep getting it. It's so slow. It's like regular delivery. It's unbelievable. When I come home and it's like, I'll see you in four hours. It's like, cool. Bring me my stuff. So it's different.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:16

I've seen so many people on my my blog getting food delivered in the last couple of days. It's like when I walk the dog, it's like like almost every time I go out walking the dog, someone is getting food delivered to their house.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:27

You know, we get it almost every day. I'm not gonna lie to you, Dan. It's bad. So wasteful. It's so cool that someone else will go get it and bring it to me. What a treat. And I tip them. I tip well. All right. So it's not bad for them either. They're doing great. Yeah, they're doing great. They're doing alright, is what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:50

They're probably barely surviving.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:53

So terrible.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:55

It's we live in a bad world. Yeah, let's wrap it up.

Subscribe, Comment, Thumbs Up

SPEAKER_00 1:23:58

Terrible world. Uh, if you like what we do, give us a subscription, comment, give a thumbs up. All those three things are cool things to do. And uh we'll be back next week doing some old school comedy, the naked gun. Old school, nude school.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:16

New school, not nude. Goodbye, everybody. I meant new school. Old school new.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:23

We know what you meant, Tony.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:24

You meant you meant nude school. Nudies. A couple of nudie schools.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:29

Terrible.