Hate Watching Balls Up: A Sort of Sports Sort of Comedy Movie

A movie about condoms, cocaine, and the World Cup should be a layup for a wild studio comedy. Balls Up somehow turns that setup into a string of half-formed bits, missing reactions, and scenes that refuse to escalate. So we did what we do best: hate watched it closely and pulled it apart like a broken engine.

We talk through why the central buddy comedy dynamic never locks in, how Mark Wahlberg looks stranded without a co-star who can elevate the rhythm, and why “straight man” only works when the straight man is still funny. We dig into the biggest script problems: characters who change traits scene to scene, stakes that get introduced then ignored, and jokes that explain themselves instead of landing. Along the way we call out the few moments that actually spark, like the dialysis callback, the Larry David translator voice, the karaoke choice, and the one truly committed set piece involving a vampire fish and a very unlucky pee break.

After the movie autopsy, we pivot to what we’ve been enjoying lately, including long-form YouTube essays that dissect the MrBeast machine, plus Tony’s current comfort watch with the American Gladiators reboot. We also tease our next watch, Marty Supreme, and briefly vent about how modern reboots like Frasier can still have great actors but fail on writing.

If you laughed, cringed, or disagreed with our takes, subscribe, share the episode, and leave a review, then tell us the one change you’d make to fix Balls Up.

Written Lovingly by AI

Be our friend!

Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech

And follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT

Transcript

Rewatching Avatar For Sanity

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Dan, we already did Avatar. You know, we can't do it again.

SPEAKER_03 0:03

Fresh We're doing Avatar again because you know we're gonna after after all the terrible movies we've watched before and after it, it needs we need to re-assess Avatar three. No Avatar One. I bet you if we watched Avatar One, we'd be like, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

It I think it was fine. You know, it's just Pocahontas, but it's fine. Yeah, it's totally fine.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

It's dopey for whatever reasons, but it was like the the reasons that Avatar One was dopey, they just kept doing, you know, more.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

They'd like added more, but they're just like, okay, what if we double down? People will come back around.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

Welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony. I am Dan. I am Tony. Um, this is the show that examines the contemporary movie. That's what we do. We examine the contemporary movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

That that sentence uh promises an intelligence to our podcast that we will not be delivering, just for the record.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

Well, I mean, I you need to bring intelligence to the analyzation of the contemporary movie?

SPEAKER_01 1:22

I don't think so. Probably not, but the sentence just sounds smart. That's all I'm saying. You used pick words. I only understood one of the three. Uh it's tough.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

We gotta start off this episode by making fun of Tony because Tony uploaded uh our our thing onto the uh onto the podcast networks where he uploaded it and it was just him talking. Just him talking. Cut old Dangon cell right out of the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

There's there's a second part that you didn't seem to notice is that it was also the uncut version. Oh, yeah, it was the unheaded version of everything. And it starts with me just talking to myself, anyhow, because you left me to go talk to Shannon. Oh, did I? So it starts with me talking to myself, and then you come back and it's still just me talking to myself. It's very interesting. But here's what here's what it was, Tim. Our numbers have been stagnant for a while, you know. So I was like, what if I mix up the formula and I cut out the dead weight and I just keep the champ in, you know what I'm saying? So you see what you're saying. Well, that's what happened. No, I blew it. That was I, you know, double check your work, kids.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

I usually don't check that, so it could, it could have been going on for months, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

You just uploaded yourself. Every episode I've ever released, I wouldn't know. I don't listen to it. Uh, I just watch the video. So hard to be sure.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

Yeah, I I watch it on YouTube. I don't watch all of them on YouTube, but it's sometimes I'll put them on because yeah, they're quite funny.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

I do like to just make sure that they work visually, and I've never checked uh auditorily. Yeah, my bad.

Picking The Next Bad Movie

SPEAKER_03 2:59

So that's been added to the checklist. Okay, Tony. Uh now that we've gotten that that off the table, uh, what what move what movie have you chosen for us to watch from from our Pantheon of the Greats? You know, I I was talking to Shannon. Who are Pantheon of the Greats? Uh Gerard Butler, old G Butts. Great, yeah, friend of the pod. Who's the other? We have three, we have three of them that we do pretty much all their movies now. Um yeah. This one is uh this one's a marky mark. Mark Wahlberg, yep. Love him to death. Who's the other per? There's another dude we do their movies. Oh, we don't we don't do Jason Statham. Which no, but we should. I think they might be too good. No, I don't that's the problem. I think they might be too generic to each other. I think that's the problem. I've never gone down the Statham, you know, I've never thought about it.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

But I'm maybe I will, because I do like him and he moves good. You know, he's a good mover. I was just watching wearing a shaker.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

Watching the red leader, red letter media guys talk about um the crank movies, which I guess are very I've got a crank story for you. They're very dirty movies, I guess. I I've seen part of one and I I watched it for a while and I was like, meh.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Now, what you what you don't get is from the trailer, you don't understand that it's a dirty movie, and then you take your mother to that movie when you're in high school, and you're both sitting in the theater and you're like, what the fuck is going on right now? Why does he have a boner? What's happening? It is so awkward because that trailer does not tip the bit whatsoever, and it it took us both by surprise, and we still laugh about it today. Like she brings it up every once in a while, and I was just like, This is the worst day of my life. So Statham holds a place in my heart.

Why Tony Cannot Stand Hauser

SPEAKER_03 4:43

Statham. Um, so Tony, what what movie did you choose for us to do? And I'll try and think about the other uh the other your third brother.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Um, well, this is as Dan uh mentioned, uh Mark Wahlberg is on a roll right now, just swinging for the fences. I does he have a deal with Amazon Prime? Because the last one was on Amazon Prime too, right?

SPEAKER_03 5:09

This was this was an Amazon MGM Co. I think. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

He's just banger after banger, this guy. He's really killing the game right now. Um, because what the there was that family movie that he did as well that was terrible. We did do it for the podcast, but I love it. Yeah he they're like he's like a spy, and then he's an undercover dad. I don't know. It it just came out not too long ago, but he's doing some real good stuff right now, so I thought what a perfect time to watch his new movie with someone who I won't talk about this too much on the pod because I don't want to come off as like a bitter, jealous uh guy, even though I am. I am not a fan of Paul Walter Hauser. I think he is a snoozefest. What? Uh I don't think he's funny, I don't think he's all that interesting. He's he's a fine actor. Like it's not it's not that I think he's a bad actor. I just think that he's not funny. And this movie I think would have been much funnier if somebody else was in that part. Almost anybody. Did you say the name of the movie? Nope, sure didn't. You're absolutely right. This movie is, of course, called Balls Up, the new Amazon Prime video about uh the official condom sponsor of the World Cup.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

I took immense joy in thinking that you had to watch this movie. As much pain as I might have been in watching this movie, I knew your pain was just astronomically higher than my pain because And tell the people why. That that dude, whatever his name is, Paul Walker, whatever his name is Walter Hauser. Maybe you could get a performance out of him. Maybe. So I don't know. I don't know. Maybe there might be a movie where you could because there's like you see stuff sort of you know creeping around the edges where you're like, okay, there's a little bit of a comedic instinct in there, but man, they they play it at a one and a two. Most of this movie's at a one and a two, and you're just like, well, what is this a pe this a Peter Farrelly movie too, which uh oh, that actually makes some sense with some of the stuff that happened.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

That copy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

Yeah. I mean, I think it was Peter, it was one of the brothers, one of the fairies.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Well, yeah, we it doesn't really matter which one I don't think. I'm sure they have differences that people can tell us about.

SPEAKER_03 7:42

We've done them before, and they're terrible now.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

Yes, correct.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

One of them. Yeah, yeah. Um and and I don't believe this movie would have played in the 90s. I think it would have played exactly the same as it plays here.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Oh, 100%. No, no. As speaking as someone who still thoroughly enjoys 90s movies and wishes we made them like they used to, uh, this is this is not that. This is not it. It kind of wants to be, yeah, but it's not. It definitely can't pull it off. Um, yeah, so and again, I won't hark on. I think he's I think he's bad in everything I've seen him in. Caveat, asterisk here. I have not seen Blackbird, which is kind of where he blew up, where he plays like the serial killer guy.

SPEAKER_03 8:24

We saw Blackbird, we loved it. It was great, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:26

He's apparently very good in that, and I think that's wonderful.

SPEAKER_03 8:30

He's an act, he's an actor in that.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

He just acts right. So just maybe just make him do drama. You know, because uh he's not funny. He was, I thought he was awful in naked gun, I thought he was awful in Cobra Kai. Um just not a fan. Not a fan of this guy. And that's it. I'm I'll stop now. I'll stop. I think he's I've seen interviews with him. I think he's a very interesting guy. I like him a lot personally. I don't think he's super charming, which is fine. Uh, but he has some very interesting views, and he's very like, um, he doesn't like Hollywood like big shot people that like take advantage of things because they're you know famous. He called out The Rock one time and had to apologize because The Rock is like, you know, or Vin Diesel, one of the two. He called one of those two out and was like, oh, he's you know, always late to work and taking all that for granted and stuff. And I was like, yeah, okay. So you you have like the blue collar, you know, viewpoints of stuff, which is which is great for him. Um I just don't think he's funny. He's not funny. I think he's a rat I think he was a wrestler, so he's got that sort of you know, over drama vibe. So I'm sure he's great in Blackbird.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

But does he have an o overdrama vibe?

What Balls Up Tries To Be

SPEAKER_01 9:42

I just I mean more of not he's not flamboyant, which is what you really want out of a wrestler, um, which we'll talk about later at the end of the show, by the way. Um but yeah, yeah, no, okay. Anyhow, moving on. This is balls up, Mark Wahber, Paul Walterhauser, um, Benjamin Bratt. Unbelievable. Uh A plus. He's still giving. He's 62 years old, he looks great, he's his energy is incredible. I'm jealous. He understood what the what the brief was. He understands the assignment because he's a real actor and he's worked a long time, so he gets it, you know.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

There was it was funny because I saw something online, and I think I think there's some new movie with um Don Johnson, and I was like, Love that sign me up. Every movie we've done with Don Johnson, we're like, I'm a fan. You know, he's great. He's great, he he brings it. And like these old guys, they they understand a lot, they they can be in kind of crappy movies, but they're still bringing what they could bring.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Because they can play to the genre, they understand the game and they can play the game. Uh, these newer people can't play the game, they don't understand. I I really don't think that we get it anymore. We're we've really lost the plot here. Um, but even like Sasha Baron Cohen, I thought was very fun in this movie. Uh, could we have done more with him? Absolutely. A hundred percent. You thought he was fun. Okay. I I said funny. I didn't say fun, I think. I think I said funny. Okay. Uh he's got some jokes in there that I enjoyed, but he's also subdued. You know what I mean? Like he is he's playing in this movie. Whereas I think Benjamin Bratt is playing what this movie should be. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Does that make sense? I mean, I I I didn't really laugh in this entire movie. I mean I think I had three laughs that I wrote down.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

There was the first laugh of the movie, second laugh of the movie. Uh-oh. Maybe I didn't write down. I thought I had a third laugh, but I might not have written it down.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

Yeah, there's one funny bit, there's one bit that I liked, which I mean, there are just so many things you could just feel the director's hand was not the both the director's hand and the writer's hand were just not on the tiller. You know, it's it's the conflict between these two characters doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Like no, it's it's completely fabricated. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:06

You know, it's like, oh, we're conflicting for 30 seconds. They were like, Yeah, but we're best friends too. You're like, what the fuck? These guys have to be at each other's throats for in until until the hundredth minute.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Until they have a moment that brings them together, and not just because, like, well, you they should just get along for this part because that makes this scene easier to do.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

They just they're just walking around and and terrible things have happened, and they're like, you know, whatever. It's all good.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

It's all good.

SPEAKER_03 12:36

Don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

Well, I don't understand. Like, don't don't doesn't you know, did nobody watch Tropic Thunder before they started watching the movie? You know, it's like, how can you not start a movie like this without watching Tropic Thunder and going like, oh, I see. We gotta everybody's gotta play their play these parts. Play the role, yeah. Well, and write them a role. I don't know what I don't think.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

When I say play the role, I mean like that character needs to be that character throughout the movie. Yeah. Because that's the idea of characters. Well, the um I was just gonna say, so at one point they eat an alligator. Well, we don't have to talk about how they would never be able to even cut through the hide, but they eat an alligator. One of the characters, Paul Walterhauser, is like an extreme OCD clean freak. One thing he's probably not gonna do is eat an alligator after cutting it up and cooking it on a fire without any sort of sanitary things whatsoever.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

You don't think they cooked it? I don't think they cooked it. It was just they were just diving into the opening of a of an allocation.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Even worse. Even worse. He's just not gonna do that. Like that doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

And they also said that that was a caiman and it looked like a I didn't understand. Was there a joke? Were those jokes?

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Uh because I didn't understand it at all.

SPEAKER_03 14:01

I don't get me wrong, I do not know my reptiles that well. But my understanding of what a caiman is a caiman is a smaller type alligator with a longer, thinner snout. I mean, like long and you know, like comically long fit. You know, so you're like a needle-nose alligator.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Got it.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

That is what it looks like. It looks like a needle-nosed alligator. I mean, maybe there's no didn't. Maybe there's caimans that look exactly like alligators and crocodiles.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 14:32

But when they said it was a caiman, I was just like, Why why are you saying it's a you know? I mean, you I don't know, you'd have to look it up, look up the whole animal thing, but it seems like you could have, you know, they it would have been very funny if they were arguing whether it's an alligator or a crocodile, but it's very funny looking, and then the woman's like, well, it's a cayman, you know, and you're like, oh, sure. Because then it's like, well, it's not, you idiot. Right, isn't that because that's an argument they have is alligator or crocodile, then she, you know, introduces the thing, well, it's a third thing. But the there's there's so many, there's so many things that are like we'll talk about that joke about the girl having sex with everybody and not with the two guys, and then there's no explanation. You're just like, Yeah, you're doing all this work to set up this this dynamic, the dynamic not funny, and you don't ever get to the point where you explain why the dynamic would be funny.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Yeah, well, because it wouldn't be. They're just incels at that point. They're just mad that they're not getting the girl for absolutely no reason.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

Yeah, it's it's it's this whole movie is just this weird pile of bits that there's just no connective tissue.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Well, yeah, they don't work on their own or together, which is you're oh for two. That's pretty much a strikeout, as they say.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

Yeah, you know, in a movie like this where it is, it it is this is kind of like your what was the movie with the with the Saturday Night Live 3 guys, you know, search for the lost treasure or whatever. Oh, oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

You know, you're you're moving from Please Don't Destroy's movie.

SPEAKER_03 16:06

Why can't I remember what it's called? You're moving from bit to bit to bit. Um and Secretary of Foggy Mountain. Treasure Foggy Mountain, which was Foggy Mountain like in some another country? Did they go to another country or was in America? You think I remember that movie at this point? I don't. One final thing. We did the we did the uh movie with Mark Wahlberg and Kevin Hart, which wasn't great, but at least that was a comedy.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

There was like Yeah, well, you have Kevin Hart, which is gonna help. So here's here's why I and I was talking about it. Wahlberg was also fine in that. He's terrible in this. So let me let me I know the answer. Okay, I don't know, I didn't know the answer. This this is what I was thinking about all last night. It's all Paul Walterhauser's fault. And bear with me. Okay. Um, so you have the what is it, the uh the nice guys, the other guys? Which one is he in? One of them's it doesn't matter. One of them's Russell Crowe, one of them's Ron Gosling. I think it's the other guys is him and Will Farrell. I enjoy that movie. That one's okay. Yeah, and why is that? Because Will Farrell is playing the quote straight man in that movie, but he plays a straight man as a comedic. You know what I'm saying? Like he doesn't play the straight man. This is just straight man. Paul Walderhauser's just like no, no jokes, nothing. Mark Wahlberg needs someone to elevate him. He can play along because he's he's done this his whole career, like he's he's had a career, he can act, but he needs a full he needs something to help him. He needs to match someone's energy. His best scene for me is when he's with Benjamin Bratt. That's Mark Wahlberg's best scene, and that's because Benjamin Bratt is bringing some heat, and he's like, Oh, I'm gonna play up to your level. Yeah, the whole rest of the movie, Mark is playing down to Paul Walter Hauser's level, and it's terrible. And so in the other movie, he plays up to Kevin Hart's level, who is also kind of the quote straight man. They have this really interesting thing where Mark plays against a straight man and they make they want you to think he's the character, but the straight man is actually the character, which is very it's a very interesting dynamic for me. And that's what they they were like, oh, I understand the the math to this. Let's do a movie like that. But they hired someone who can't play that character. Well, and so then Mark falls flat.

SPEAKER_03 18:37

If we think back on that movie, Kevin Hart's character is the character going through it. 100%. Mark Walter is the straight man of the straight man, but I mean he's going through it. And in that other guy's thing, it's Will Farrell's character that's going through it, and he's like, ah, he's losing his mind. Yep. The Elijah character, I I do not know this guy's name. Paul, what it I'm gonna write it down. Paul Walter Hauser?

SPEAKER_01 19:02

That's it. That's his name. Walter. Don't forget it. She's a huge star now. I don't know if you know that. He was inside out too, and everything.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

Oh well, maybe, maybe that was good. But he's never going, he's never going through it. He's just like, Nope.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

But he certainly should be. He should be going through some shit. I don't understand. He got fired from his job. He's never gonna get another job. I don't really care what you tell me. He wasn't good at his first job, right? He can't talk to people, he can't socialize, except for you know the rest of the movie when he needs to do all that stuff. Um he's an OCD freak. Sorry, excuse me, that's offensive, but that's who he's playing. Yeah, in the middle of a jungle, getting shit thrown at him. He doesn't have a real restroom in sight. There's he should be in hell right now. And instead, he's fine. Yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 19:55

It's cool. I'm alright. People people shot to death in it. It's always that classic thing of you know, when people are shot to death in front of you.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:04

What what's your level of reaction? Uh two.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

Zero. Yeah. Oh, two. Wow, that was nice. You know, they didn't really generous. They did run, they didn't walk out, they didn't be like, that's well, that's true. You're right. They was they went for a speed. That's great. One of my favorite, oh, so one of my one of those, you know how I do moments where I'm like, wow, that should be really funny. That is when Sasha Baron Cohen gets shot and he's dying on the ground, and Paul Walterhauser is like, stay here, stay here. And then he has that moment where he's like, I don't know why I said that. This this is the best thing that could have happened to us. That moment should be so funny to me. And it's not funny at all. Well, and uh that uh there weren't any lines, right?

SPEAKER_03 20:52

He didn't have he didn't say stay he, I mean, did he even say the stay here, like trying to really keep him alive? He was like, Well, stay there, come on.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

No, that's what so he said the words, but there was no real emotion. He wasn't like stay, stay with me. I'm I'm so upset, and then has that turn where it's like, wait a second, what am I talking about? He we needed him to die, let's get out of here. There's no pivot, it's all one level, and that joke doesn't land.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

So that was that was like the moment where I was like, I understand what's wrong with this whole movie, and that's why and that's why I I that I don't agree with you, and I blame the director. That's the director's problem. I sure that's the director's fault, 100%. Because if you're like letting that be your he's you're standing there, you're a director, you've worked with Jim Carrey.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

All right, but here's the difference, right? You work with Jim Carrey, Jim comes in at a 12, gives you something crazy, and you're like, Jim, I love it. Let's try this, let's bring it down to a nine for this scene so we can have somewhere to go later. Paul Walterhauser walks in, he gives You a zero, and you're like, okay, well, let's can you give me a four? And then he gives you a zero. And you're like, okay, Paul, I need you to give me a two. Let's split the difference. He gives you a zero. At some point, you give up, right? I'm not saying I know that that's what happened.

SPEAKER_03 22:13

I don't believe that. I don't believe that. I do not believe that. I mean, I don't know how to do it.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

As a director who's watching his movie fall apart or in front of his eyes, he gives up. He's too old for this shit. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 22:27

We start in the boardroom. Here is Paul Walter Hauser as the character Elijah giving a practice pitch. And he is pitching um they're a prophylactic company, and they have created the he had he has created, so he's the scientist. Not that we ever see him do any science in the entire world. Yeah, there's nothing creative or scientific he does. He has created a a condom that goes over the penis and over the balls. Um okay. They they do a thing where like a lot of disease is transmitted through the balls.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

They kind of say that, but there's no I don't think there's any evidence to back that up. Now I'm I need some facts, some in move, not real facts, but in the movie, you need to tell me how much per like give me a percent, give me the names of the diseases that are like specific to the balls. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, there are some jokes you can make to make me get on board with that, but right now I'm like, what are you talking about? What's happening?

SPEAKER_03 23:32

How is this a necessary thing? I don't know. I don't know, doesn't sound like it. Um he starts doing weird talking about sex and balls, um, and then their big uh plan. Oh, there is a joke at the beginning, isn't there? Um is I don't think so. Yeah, there is a joke. Okay, there is a joke. Oh, so they they wanna they wanna become the the the sign uh the the condom of the world cup, yeah. So that's their plan is to this. So that's what this is setting up for why this guy who's the scientist that created it as opposed to Brad, the salesman, why we aren't just automatic. There's no explanation as to why we should be listening to this idiot speak. It should be opposite. It should be Brad doing it, and he should be saying things. No, that's wrong, you know, or something. He should be interjecting that's yeah, that's fun.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Because he's you're butchering my product.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

There's never going to be a case where anyone is gonna want to hear this guy talk, and he does not have any power, so he he wouldn't even be allowed in the room. What is what is he adding to the situation?

SPEAKER_01 24:41

Absolutely nothing. And there's a point where Molly Shannon's character says, if this pitch doesn't go well, we go tits up, and it's like, well then why uh in any why would be doing this? Why would this even be uh a thing if this is super important? It doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_03 24:57

Yeah, you'd be like, and at the end she should be like, No, you're not doing you know, it's like they're acting like this guy has some decision power, he has no power, and and there's never an explanation as to why he might have some decision.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

And if this was, you're right, if this was more something like he had been begging, or he's someone's you know, nephew or something at the company, and they're just indulging him for this, and they're like, oh my god, just get it over with, dude. No, you can't do it, that was terrible. Then that makes more sense than this somehow being a real moment in any of these people's lives.

SPEAKER_03 25:34

That makes sense. One guy raises his hand and he's like, Could I be excused? And I'm like, Why should you be excused? And he's like, I have kidney dialysis. That was a good joke. That was a good joke. That's a good joke.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

It's it's only good for me because late at the end of the movie he's on the dialysis machine out in the public. Yeah. That was that was when I laughed at that joke. Not when it happened. Because I was like, is he really like he's dying? And that's are we making a joke? I don't understand. But then later, when he's on the machine, I'm like, good for you. You did a nice callback.

SPEAKER_03 26:07

Then he reveals the name of the new product. What's the name of the new product, Tony?

SPEAKER_01 26:12

I don't know. The testicular, vehicular, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 26:16

Testicle Sentinel.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

That's it.

SPEAKER_03 26:19

Then he says it sells itself. Cut roll credits. There was no joke. They rolled credits out of a flu out of a dead scene that ends without a joke.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

That is correct.

SPEAKER_03 26:34

You're just sitting here going, like, where's the joke?

SPEAKER_01 26:37

There's no joke. There were I Dan thought there was one joke. I thought there were no jokes. Um, no, no, I mean at the end of the scene. You have to take a look at the entire scene. I think the entire scene should just be cut. Because there's there's no jokes in it. There's they're doing this weird thing where and uh listen, I don't know. I've never been to a condom uh factory, isn't the right word, but like marketing room. Would they really be would everyone really be offended talking about it? Everyone seems so uncomfortable talking about condoms when they're at a condom company. I don't understand the dynamic here. It doesn't make any sense. Like he pulls out a dildo and everyone's like, oh no. I was like, well, where else do you want me to pull out his dick to show you how it works? That doesn't make any sense. You're telling me no one has ever done this? That doesn't make any sense. Or perhaps maybe they have like their own, you know, condom holders. I don't really know how it works, but they shouldn't all be so offended by talking about penises when their entire job is covering penises. It's a it's that don't make any sense.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

There should be no prudish behavior at a company that only sells condoms. That's what they do.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

They're looking at dicks 24-7, Dan. They shouldn't be afraid.

Boardroom Pitch And Zero Jokes

SPEAKER_03 28:06

Very weird. Boom, we do the credits. Uh credits, I think, look good.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

I think they do good. I wrote the same thing. I thought they were very cute. It was a fun little jingle song. I loved it.

unknown 28:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:19

That's part of the movie.

SPEAKER_03 28:21

So we're at this courtesy buffet, and it's uh we meet, we meet Brad a little more, and he's and then Elijah's the designer. Brad's the the slick sales guy, and then we talk about them being perfect partners because when Brad is all sizzle, and then he's the real stuff. It's like, well, they're not partners, they're guys that work in two different places and probably never interact with each other one night.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

100%. Also, they don't compliment each other. Nope. Brad Brad doesn't need Elijah at all. Elijah is the behind the scenes guy that makes things and then Brad sells them. That's not the same thing as a tag team. It's just not.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

So we go into the office. Here's uh Benjamin Bratt as Santos, the head of uh Brazil, I guess. And he looks good. He looks good. The Brazilian football team, right? Football, probably. Probably like the idea of football. Um the idea, the concept. Brad's given the the pitch, the pitch, the PowerPoint. They're all laughing. We're not laughing because it's just a boring PowerPoint. And then we get to the name, and then Elijah's like, it's called the Testicular Sentinel. Want they all say, No, that's not gonna happen. Right. Cut to the next slide. It's called the Balls Up. They all think this is hilarious. You loved it, you thought it was hilarious?

SPEAKER_01 29:47

No, I that was facetious. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

So so boom. Here's this. This is our second shot at at giving it a funny name that is clever and or cool or something interesting, and it's called Balls Up. I don't know what that means. It doesn't mean anything to me. It doesn't mean that's the name of the movie. Yes, thank you, thank you. Thank you for doing the Dan line. Thank you. Thank you for danning me. It's the name of the movie, stupid.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

Um you waited to do that just to torment me. I mean, you were talking about it for a while, so I was like, when's the best point to jump in and just give them the old it's the name of the movie.

SPEAKER_03 30:28

But there's no joke.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

There's no and then No, there's no joke.

SPEAKER_03 30:31

Then they all clap and say you win your your your Brazil's condom.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

I don't think that's how that works, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 30:38

Oh, probably well, who knows?

SPEAKER_01 30:40

They well, clearly it doesn't work, okay?

SPEAKER_03 30:43

But like what you gotta come up with a funny name for it or something, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:48

You would think, yeah, you would think. Um, but I you know, whatever. You don't want to think too hard about it, you know. You just want to keep moving on. It's just keep going. It's just the title of your movie and the main. Yeah, it's just the title of the movie, the product, it's what it's all about. I wouldn't worry about it too much, you know.

Club Scene And Sober Spiral

SPEAKER_03 31:09

Okay. And you know, it's funny. There is a convention where we cut to like an overhead shot, we hear the music and the flashing lights, and that is the point at which I write on my notes, in the club.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

Yeah, we up in the club.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

Like it's such a movie staple that like no one ever uh does anything to turn it on its head.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Correct. Well, because we want it's we call it the establishing shot, Dan. We want you to know immediately where we are, what's the vibe, and who's who's who, you know? Yeah, but it's I don't know, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 31:47

Um we'll write something that subverts it, Dan. Yes, someone. So Santos is there. Uh really weird shot. It's Santos, Brad, and Elijah, but we have like these two other people that look sort of like they're in the same booth as them.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

But it turns out they're not.

SPEAKER_03 32:07

You're like, why are you?

SPEAKER_01 32:07

They're not even in the scene. I don't know what's going on. I felt like it was just like two extras. They were like, let's just get closer. Just just keep going. If he doesn't say anything, just keep going.

SPEAKER_03 32:16

It's like, what is it? What is there's some sketch or something where the people are supposed to just cross and they keep on inserting themselves into the scene.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

See? That's very funny scenes.

SPEAKER_03 32:28

But this is not that.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

This is just a weird set of an accident, as far as I can tell. I think someone wasn't watching very clearly.

SPEAKER_03 32:36

So for whatever reason, Brad and them are drinking, although what's his name? Elijah doesn't really drink. Isn't there like sort of a premise on him not drinking or something?

SPEAKER_01 32:44

Well, until later when they just decide that that's silly and he drinks all the time. Um, yeah, in this scene, he's like, I don't drink.

SPEAKER_03 32:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

And then the next scene, he's like, I love to drink.

SPEAKER_03 32:56

So that makes sense. Just a does it? Does it though? And so turns out Santos is seven or nine years sober. Nine. Nine años. Nine years sober, and then Brad's like, well, just smell the alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 33:11

He's just peer pressuring this guy. Like, I just don't buy it.

SPEAKER_03 33:15

Then peer pressure him. That's like the it's that's not how peer pressure works. That is not how peer pressure works.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

Peer pressure is Well, because I think they don't think they don't want him to be the one to force him, right? You know, because then that that looks bad on the characters, what they're thinking, I think. But the what he's doing is so weird. It's like this weird, like, well, just smell it. Just uh just put your finger, just what, just dip your finger in it, just swirl it around, just touch it one time. Like, what do you I don't understand what's happening? Either make him peer pressure or just have the guy fall off the wagon. He's in a club. He shouldn't listen. I've never been sober. I imagine you don't necessarily want to surround yourself with people that are doing the thing you're not supposed to do. I don't know. You've never been sober? Are you drunk right now? Yeah. Dan, you think I come to this without a little bump? Little bump.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Yeah, cocaine.

SPEAKER_01 34:10

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, a little a little m meth. Is that what meth? I think they do this with meth. I don't know how to do meth. Uh I've never been sober a day in my life.

SPEAKER_03 34:21

You don't know the difference between meth and cocaine. You don't even know you no, no, I so cook is always this one.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

Up the nose or on the gun.

SPEAKER_03 34:31

Tony. Yeah, they do this rubber. And then with the extra that you can't get that that doesn't go up. You you don't.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

Dan, you shouldn't be teaching the kids of the world how to do drugs, okay?

SPEAKER_03 34:44

And I think meth, I think you cook meth, you know.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

Yeah, that's this is what I was doing. This is me uh okay, you're cooking meth. Holding a pipe, and then I think I there's a lighter, right? Meth pipe. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 34:57

Tony's got his meth pipe going over there. Yeah, act like you don't know how to do a meth pipe, Tony. Yeah, okay, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 35:03

I don't I don't know how to do it. Yeah, I think you tie a tube on one and then put it in this vein that you find. Yeah, you know, something. Uh we're gonna get kicked off of YouTube for all this talk.

SPEAKER_03 35:13

So then Santos just goes crazy and starts drinking.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

And then he does he say he's hard at one point, and then he's gonna put on the condom?

SPEAKER_03 35:26

I didn't. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. That that's later. So the party can the party continues, and then what's his name? I think Elijah says about Brad. We call him the enabler. That never that never comes back. Um it's just this one time.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

Yeah. Um just a one-off joke.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

Uh at this point, Santos invites them to the finals. He's like, Oh, you'll come to the finals. It'll be great.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

Which is awesome. That'll be super fun.

SPEAKER_03 35:54

And then he's friends with the El Presidente, that was weird. Then he's like, Okay, I want to do crack. And then he takes his shirt off, he pipes up, and then he takes his clothes off and then puts the condom on and then swings like Tarzan across the club, which will be make it onto the the news.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Yeah. Uh yeah. Okay. Um I will say I I think we missed one of my last, but I don't remember what it was. Yep. Oh, he so it was when he says he wants to do crack. Oh, yeah. Benjamin Bratt makes me laugh because he does this thing where he's like, he's kind of hunched over the table and he's like, I want to do crack. And he goes, I still know a guy. Like, and he says it with childlike wonder, and I was like, That's so funny. I love that. Yeah, uh, so there was a nice moment. I just I want to call out the nice moments of the movie as we go through.

SPEAKER_03 36:57

Yeah. I mean, yeah, why not? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:00

There's only a couple, so it won't take up much of our time.

SPEAKER_03 37:03

So we're back at the we're back at Molly Shannon yelling at them. 7 million views.

SPEAKER_01 37:08

They got fired. Did you Dan? Did you clock the Ted Danc poster on the wall in this office? Pretty funny, pretty funny prop. It's a picture of Ted Dancing, and it just says, I don't normally wear condoms, but when I do, I use whatever the name of their company is. I'm like, what a weird, what a weird joke to make about Ted Dancing, you dirty, you dirty dog.

SPEAKER_03 37:31

Wow. Um, she does the exit interview, and the exit interview is you're fired.

unknown 37:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 37:38

Yeah. I I like Molly Shannon, but they don't really give her anything to do in this movie.

SPEAKER_03 37:43

Well, because she's not really playing, she's playing a not a non-character.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:48

She's just playing a boss that yells as opposed to somebody who has a level. You have to give these people a level of complexity, right? They can yell at you. I'll yell at you. Yeah, I'm gonna yell at you. But what what's what's why? Why is she, you know, answer the question why is she yelling at them? And if she knows why she's yelling at them, she's gonna make some jokes that make sense as to why she's yelling at them. You know? You know, maybe whatever it is. Introduce her character, you know, she's a character, so let her introduce character information. That's what you want funny people to do. Nah. Nah. She could just yell at them. Say this is your X. You're fired.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

It's easy.

unknown 38:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:30

This is your extra. Running HR joke, which never lands. Yeah, it was okay. Um it didn't bother me. I mean, I it does I it bothered me a little. I'm not gonna lie to you, it bothered me a little. Um, just because I don't think that the HR guy was very funny with it. And so there wasn't a lot of like bounce between Molly Shannon and that person, and that's very important to that sort of dynamic where but it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 38:57

It's fine. I always remember on the Louis C.K. TV show, which is on HBO or something, there was one point at which he was talking to someone about something, and we pull back and his agent, who was like this was played by like a that looked like he was 15 years old, was in the room, and you did not know that there was another person in the room. And I've always thought about that, like, wow. I mean your your mind, it just it just twists the whole scene around. Sure. And that's what that's what that that magic reveal is supposed to do. And you know, if it's it's a guy that's like, you know, if you guys weren't already fired, you would be fired. But like, why is there an HR guy? Like you say, it's a condom company that's gonna talk about sex.

SPEAKER_02 39:41

Yeah, it's so weird.

SPEAKER_03 39:43

It's weird. They get to the parking lot, they each have their boxes of stuff. Um, they have a box fight, which could have been so good.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

There there was a comedic moment where Mark Wahlberg Wahlberg Wahlberg kicks the other box, which is a funny, just a funny visual, because they're so close, and somehow he gets his leg up like almost straight up into the box, and I was like, Oh, we're go, we're going, and then it immediately deflates. Yeah, they're just and it's really too bad.

SPEAKER_03 40:15

It goes off, and then they're like, Oh no, we have to talk. We're two people standing here talking to each other instead of having um just do some physical box comedy right now.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

Just give me 30 seconds of box comedy. 30 seconds that's all I want.

SPEAKER_03 40:32

Oh, because what's his name tries to slap Brad and Brad moves his box up in the way.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

Yep, to block it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:38

Great maneuver.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

Don't stop, but don't stop. What what else?

SPEAKER_03 40:42

Yeah he's like, you know, holding his box and they're they're going, you know. I haven't I don't know that I ever saw that movie Step Brothers, the one with Will Farrell and uh John C. Riley. I think this is what they did constantly in that movie.

SPEAKER_01 40:55

Damn, that movie's great. You should see it. And it's pretty funny. Pretty funny. Yeah, pretty funny.

SPEAKER_03 41:00

You know, I put your put your hand, you know, that's the thing you always say in like improv. Put lay it, put your hands on something, and then that's gonna give you something to do. You have something to finally do. You're not just pop, pop, pop, pop, standing in the ether. They do something and then immediately they go back there. Stupid.

SPEAKER_02 41:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:22

Uh three months later, they're both on the couch and they get the game tickets in the mail. They both get on the plane, they're going to the thing, and he's like, So Mark Wahlberg's all happy, and he looks over, there's a little thing that you can catch. He puts it down, and then he says, Oh, fuck me. And then they talk and become friends.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

Yep, and then nothing. There's no there's no awkward tension here, there's no fighting. They're just he's like, Hey, how you doing? He's like, I'm great. How are you? He's like, Yeah, pretty good. Okay, enjoy your flight. Let's have fun. Well, what's happening? I don't know. What is the even the point of this then?

SPEAKER_03 42:01

You have to you have to make them miserable, they have to take the same taxi together. Guy holding the sign that has both of their names, they're both in the thing. This is this is comedy. They have to get to the stadium and have to sit next to each other. They are not happy about this.

Stadium Disaster And World Cup Fury

SPEAKER_01 42:17

They're fine. They're fine. Nope, they're fine immediately. Don't make it weird, guys. It's okay. And then it's gonna be good. What does Paul Walter have?

SPEAKER_03 42:24

So they get to the stadium, um, and then they just start drinking.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

Yep. He just pulls out a flask of his own or something, and he's like, Yeah, I party every once in a while. What what? And just earlier you said you didn't do that.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

And he drains the no, no, Mark Wahlberg has two flasks. He gives him one of his two flasks, that's what it is. He drains it, and then he's drinking beers. Yeah. What? I don't understand. If they were having problems with each other, sure, sure. Then he's just like, fuck this. I I do not want to look at you. I need something to make you blur out of existence. You know, like get in each other's faces. And then he obsesses over the hot dog.

SPEAKER_01 43:13

Yeah. Which is almost which is almost funny.

SPEAKER_03 43:20

So he obsesses over a hot dog mascot that's on the field. Eventually he gets mad, he he goes after the mascot, and uh they they run onto the pitch.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

Somehow, yeah, they somehow make it onto the pitch. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

There's nobody out there stopping anybody from running.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

I wouldn't worry about it. There's no security, it's fine. And stupid.

SPEAKER_03 43:45

They run past the goal, and then Mark Wahlberg gets hit in the head, and here's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:50

The biggest problem is he's the third person to run across the goal. It's the hot dog first, then Paul Walterhauser, and then Mark Wahlberg. Telling me nobody is there to stop the third person? Maybe the first gets there before security. Maybe. But three people? No. No. Not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 44:12

And most most importantly, we never make a differentiation between the person that did it. There's only one person that did it. I don't care about the hot dog. They're not trying to kill the hot dog. They're not gonna try and kill the other idiot because neither of them did anything. There's only one person who stopped the goal. And that is that is Brad. And I'm like, and that is never mentioned in the entire movie. That is not how it's like there's there's like this one play. It was at, I think it was at Yankee Stadium, and the guy interfered with the the guy catching the ball and wrestled the ball out of his glove. And you know, that guy got in, you know, got in a world of hurt and you know can never go to a baseball game again. And you know, it these people it will be vilified forever.

SPEAKER_01 44:57

And that was like I probably had to move out of New York.

SPEAKER_03 45:00

Yeah, I said to myself, how are they ever gonna I I think he was not a New Yorker. I think that he fucked up the New York game, he came to New York and fucked up a New York game. So, you know, went back to Philadelphia or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

Good for you, dude.

SPEAKER_03 45:13

I'm sure that guy gets death threats to this day and will for his the rest of it. And it was I don't think it was a playoff game, it was just a game.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Just a regular game. Yeah, people take their sports pretty seriously.

SPEAKER_03 45:25

Yeah, so this movie does set up a dynamic of these guys have fucked the Brazilian team out of a out of a World Cup. I was like, how are you gonna resolve this? And they do sort of resolve it, but you know, yeah. Anything else you want to say about this part, Tony?

SPEAKER_01 45:45

No, I just was so mad. I was just mad. Just mad about it, you know?

SPEAKER_03 45:50

Tony was mad. Uh they wake up in jail, here comes their lawyer. Um, this is her first case, and there's an angry guard watching, and then Elijah realizes that if she takes their case, her life will be ruined, and so he fires her.

SPEAKER_01 46:07

Yeah. What? I didn't did you like that? Did you like this movie? I thought this was strange and um stupid. Uh I don't know. Yeah. Well, what are you gonna do? Is this is this the first time where he says the line, uh, everybody calm down, it's just a game. They thought that that would be a joke, I think. I don't understand it. They say it many times throughout this movie. It's a weird one, no, it isn't. Even if it is, even if you view soccer, football as a game, the World Cup is kind of something different. You know what I mean? Like, it's important, it's big. Nobody will be like, ah, it's just a game. I'm sorry. Even stupid Americans wouldn't it. I can't believe that for a second.

SPEAKER_03 46:58

Well, you have to you have to back it when he says it, he's like, what's everyone's he he says it in a way that it's like this like it's a casual misunder thing where he's like, why why is everyone it's just a game, who cares? He doesn't he doesn't say it like he means it, but like if he said he doesn't take a stance, yeah. Yeah, he's not really taking a stance. He's like, this is just a stupid fucking game. Why is everyone losing and then you what we find out is that when he was a kid, his dad made him do Little League and blah blah blah or whatever. We we we make a we make a reason there's he doesn't have a reason why he says that.

SPEAKER_01 47:39

Not only that, but they do try to put him on an arc because then the end of the movie he's he likes the voiceover, and the and we're like, yeah, soccer's life, football is life, Danny. Um so it's just weird that he's not more anti soccer to begin with, for some reason. You know what I mean? Like he should go on a journey because you have the two points, but not really.

Jail Lawyer Twist And Escape

SPEAKER_03 48:04

Yeah, he has to learn to love soccer or care about it or have some, you know, but he has to understand if if his whole thing is it doesn't matter, why are you all freaking out about this? You know, I don't know. It's weird. Um it is weird. Boom. The Minister of Defense takes them out of there and then just like lets them go. Like, oh, all a misunderstanding. You guys go, they go out on the street, and they're spotted immediately, and they have to run away.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

Well, not immediately, because right away he has a line as they're walking out. Paul Walterhauser has the line. I don't know how much longer I can keep this smile up. Because Mark Walbert's like, just smile and walk, smile and walk. Paul Walterhauser, smiling. Not smiling when he says that line. When he says, I'm not sure how long I can keep this smile up. He doesn't have a smile on his face, Dan. That line doesn't make sense then. Somebody watching that, Mr. Director, should be like, oh, Paul, maybe you should smile while you're saying you can't smile anymore. Tries me. Bananas.

SPEAKER_03 49:14

And it's your classic case. Why is smiling gonna not make people recognize them?

SPEAKER_01 49:19

Yeah, I don't know. People think you're polite. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 49:22

You know, you have to do a funny thing where they steal some some mops and they come out dressed as women or something. That's what you have to do.

SPEAKER_01 49:29

Great, great, disguise yourself, do something, don't just they're just like smile, don't they? They're just walking and smiling because In fact, I've never been to where are they? Brazil? Brazil over there? That's where they are. I've never been to Brasil. But I know that when I walk down the sidewalk in Los Angeles and I smile at people, they look at me like I'm crazy because people don't just smile at people. So I don't think it would do what you think it would do, Mark Wahlberg. I think it would backfire immediately. Everybody would be like, why are these people so creepy? Kill them.

SPEAKER_03 50:00

I went on a whole thing where like when Shan and I would go on our walks in the neighborhood, I'd like to say hi to everybody.

SPEAKER_01 50:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:07

She'd get very mad at she'd get mad at me sometimes. I say good morning to everybody. I you know it because she she realizes it it's like with me, it's like I'm testing everyone. I'm not doing it because I'm a good person. I'm doing it because I'm not I'm not being pleasant. Uh there's a little bit of that in there, but it's like you know, it's a test to see you know how wound up in what a giant dick you are that you can't deal with a human being. Sure. You can't just have someone come up to you and say, hey, hi, how are you?

SPEAKER_01 50:36

Oh, I'm terrified of your.

SPEAKER_00 50:38

Get out of here.

SPEAKER_03 50:40

Okay. Ridiculous. So there they go, they're running away, and then here comes Santos driving at VW Beatle who picks them up and uh to to safety. Yeah. You're like, how did he know? Why did he what is happening?

SPEAKER_01 50:55

No idea.

SPEAKER_03 50:56

It's only Brazil. I'm sure in Rio de Janeiro, there's probably only about 25 million people that live there. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 51:03

It's what did they say? It's the sixth largest country in the world or something like that. I could Brazil could that big. Brazil's not that big.

SPEAKER_03 51:10

And I'm sure Rio is probably in the top 20 of the amount of people that live there. Most of them probably in poverty, unfortunately. Um, he's 23 days sober. He lost his wife, his house, his job, his kids, it's dignity. But he's on the 12 steps, he's on number nine, which is uh apologize to amends. Amends. Yeah, okay. Yeah, make amends. A bunch of guys with guns, stop them, grab them, take them to an estate, and here comes Sasha Barron Cohen, who does this big speaking incomprehensibly bit.

SPEAKER_01 51:50

See Andre, Yash or now uh uh this bit left left me cold. So here's the thing, right? I understand the bit, which is uh, I'm at least this is how I interpret the bit and how I would make the bit is that these are two white people in a foreign country, and they need they are trying to not be racist while not understanding this person who's fucking with them, which is great, but they need to be so uncomfortable because they're like, I don't we don't want to come off as racist, but like I don't know what you're saying because I feel this all the time. If someone I'm terrible with accents, I'm so bad with accents. So if someone comes at me and talks with an accent, I'm like, I I fuck, I have no, I have to look at my wife all the time. I'm like, I don't know what they said. Can you fill me in? Can you just take the lead? Happens all the time, and it's super embarrassing. So they need to feel like like they don't want to be racist, but they need to be super racist, not super racist, but they have to be a level of racism in this scene to make this dynamic work, as opposed to them just being confused, right? Like, because that's not funny, and then when he's like, I'm fucking with you, it's like okay, cool. Like, didn't really accomplish anything because no one is no one's hurt, like there has to be just I don't know, a level of menace to the joke, yeah, is all there wasn't. Um, no, there was not.

SPEAKER_03 53:28

Uh he was just fucking with them. He shoots a guy, one of his people, and he's like, he's undercover police. Or he could be a guy holding in his poo.

SPEAKER_01 53:40

You didn't think that was funny. I thought that was funny. He's like, I can never tell. I can never tell between those two. It's a similar face. I I also enjoy the bit um shot in the head or the dick. I shoot you in both, and then Mark Wahlberg picks head first, and then Paul Trouser's like dick first, and everyone's like, What? Why would you ever want that? That could be a very funny bit, but it wasn't again. No, uh, but it could have been. Could have been very funny because what kind of a person would choose to be shot in the dick?

SPEAKER_03 54:14

Like, why would he says he wants to live a little longer?

SPEAKER_01 54:17

I I I understand that, but everyone else needs to be like, what is the point of living if you don't have your dick anymore? Like, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_03 54:26

You have to you have to go on to a big explanation. There's a lot of people that have lived a long life without dick.

SPEAKER_01 54:34

What's going on in here that he's like, you know what, shoot me in the dick. Because I would never choose that. That first of all, that's gonna hurt more than anything else. Like, that's the one spot I don't want to get shot, please.

SPEAKER_03 54:45

That's the one spot you don't want to get.

SPEAKER_01 54:47

I would much rather get shot there than in the hair. You can pick any other spot. Something. Just give me anything.

SPEAKER_03 54:57

The teeth, the teeth.

SPEAKER_01 54:58

I'd rather get shot in the dick than the teeth. Teeth would hurt. You're right about that. Um teeth freak me out.

SPEAKER_03 55:04

Yeah. So this is this is Kurt Pavio or something. Uh he says that.

SPEAKER_02 55:09

Yeah, I don't know.

Sasha Baron Cohen Shows Up

SPEAKER_03 55:10

He spent a lot of money against Argentina, against uh Brazil, and won lots of money, so he's saved them so they can party with him. Okay. They party. Okay, so then the party begins, and then this one guy, we do this whole bit where the one guy's like, I kill anyone for you, to the to Elijah.

SPEAKER_02 55:32

And he's like, kill my doctor. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 55:38

No explanation, no. We don't ever go anywhere. We we never set up this doctor, we never set up anything to do with this. He just wants him to kill his doctor.

SPEAKER_01 55:47

Who knows? Well, I think it was because his doctor called him fat or something like that. Oh, that's what that could be. There's something where he's like, he's judgmental or something, and we don't really explore it at all. Yeah. Um, but you know, as a fat person, I can understand the inclination to make that joke.

SPEAKER_03 56:04

There you go. Uh Brad is hitting on this hot lady, and then they have to do karaoke. So they get up there and they start with the karaoke and they do the it's just somebody that I used to know. Um nice, nice. Brad starts it, but he's not he's trying to sing it comedically. Trying.

SPEAKER_01 56:31

Yeah. It's very unfunny. It is unfunny, but he's at least trying something, and so uh, you know, you gotta give him slight credit for that, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 56:40

Then Paul Walterhauser goes, or Paul Paul Walterhauser, he goes, and he sings it for real. And that's my first laugh of the movie. I thought that was very funny because that's what it should be. It's should they should just be bad singers that are trying to sing it, as opposed to the first guy comedically singing it and the second guy trying to sing it.

SPEAKER_01 57:04

So I think part of the problem is that Mark Wahlberg can sing. Oh, and so he's I think he's trying to disguise the fact that he can sing. Oh, yeah, he's a singer, isn't he? Right, yeah, like that's where he started. Oh yeah. So I think I think it's it stems from him being like, Well, I don't want to just like sing it, so I have to do something. And nobody was like, Well, maybe just don't do what you're doing now. Yeah, because it's bad. Just like sing slightly off pitch. You can do that, right? I'm pretty sure you can do that. It was too much. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:41

And but I I thought his I thought the Paul Walter Hauser, I thought his his singing was very funny to me. I thought that was very funny.

SPEAKER_01 57:49

I don't know if you're doing this as a bit, Dan, but I'm really enjoying you having to look over your piece of cover every single time you've got to say this guy's name. Well, here I don't have to look over. Just look at it. No, no, no. Keep it further away. Keep moving it further and further away. I want you to have to leave the mic, go across the room, read it, and come back.

SPEAKER_03 58:09

Um, oh God, now we do this. Okay. Oh, what happens next? For whatever reason, we bring them back into the room with with uh Sasha Baird Cohen. We have taken their condoms and filled them with cocaine, and then everybody has to prove that they can swallow these, which I mean, first of all, as we all know, swallowing these things oft times a death sentence. Correct. Yeah. So for whatever reason we're competing, our two guys against two of the criminal guys. The two criminal guys just do it.

SPEAKER_01 58:46

Just deep throat it.

SPEAKER_03 58:47

And then oh, well, this next part's kind of funny. It doesn't make any sense, but it's kind of funny. Um, what's his name? Marky Mark gets it down finally. What's his name? Can't get it down. Then they notice a photo of Giselle Bunchin on the thing, and then it turns out that Sasha Bancoan's character is his her sister. Her brother.

SPEAKER_01 59:09

Brother. Yeah, yeah. Her brother. What?

SPEAKER_03 59:12

And he had to be he wanted to be the model.

SPEAKER_01 59:16

He wanted to be the model, but had to go to school to learn what was to be a drug, to be a drug, yeah, to learn the drug business. I don't know. That's funny. And then he like puts on an angel after. I mean, you know, that's it's weird. It's weird.

SPEAKER_03 59:30

I don't know. I mean, if this whole movie was heightened like that, you'd be like, okay, but the sure the two main characters are not heightened at all. So you're just like correct. It's nothing heightened, you know, it's just like, well, it feels like a normal that's the thing. It feels like a normal movie.

SPEAKER_02 59:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:47

Because they're not heightened.

SPEAKER_02 59:49

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 59:49

Yeah. And then then he swallows the other the other uh cocaine thing. Um there was a good joke in that.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:00

Um he finds the good joke. He turns it around and goes balls first, and Sasha Barron Cohen gets to comment, he's like, balls first. I didn't see that coming. I was like, that's funny. That could be funny, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:16

But then my biggest button, and it's slightly amusing.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:20

When they did it, it could it could have been funny, and then it's also brought down because they let him explain why he did it, and he's like, Well, yeah, the balls are the biggest part, so once you get those, the rest just goes down. It's like, uh. That's a very logical explanation and not really a joke at all. So you ruined it. The little grit of goodwill you had went right down the tube.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:46

So Brad goes off with the hot woman to have sex, and then we find out that the Brad woman, the sexy woman, is actually Sasha Baron Cohen's wife, and then he likes to find her having sex with men so that he can kill the men, and that gets him excited. Oh, I didn't there's a whole thing stick a glass bottle up the ass and then break the glass bottle. I ignore it. Whenever we whenever we reference that, I there's a there's a number of things in this movie. I just I sometimes when I'm when I'm taking my notes, there are things I just excise. Just because filter it out. Just filter it out. It's you know, because they make the joke later because they say they were gonna stick bottles up our ass, and I was like, yeah. Did someone really say that? Right. I'm not sure I agree with that having been said in the movie. Because it's it was said, yeah. And it's just like when they were when they when they got freed, they came down in an elevator and then they were walking. I just excised all that dialogue because it wasn't funny and and didn't mean anything. You know, when it's just like it's it's it's it's the primary space where you put good stuff, but they just waste all that time on nothing. Yeah. You know, at one point Brad loses his phone, and you're like, I didn't write that down.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:09

And then oh, right, yeah, it goes down a sewer, I guess, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:13

Oh, we forgot the one kind of funny joke in the movie is their their translator is Larry David. So whenever they run the translator, it's Larry David's voice, and it's Larry David's voice, and Larry David's funny. So you're like, oh, that's funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:26

He is funny, yeah. And it's interesting because he's obviously delivering those lines as opposed to it being an AI translator. You know, yeah, so it's funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:35

So it's good. That's fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:36

Yeah, it's good. It's good. Uh it come it becomes one of my least favorite bits at the end, but we'll go over it later.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:41

Yeah. Um, so they burst in on him, but then luckily the snipers attack at this point and they kill they kill all the bad guys.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:51

I again, I feel like you set up a joke and then don't really pay it off here. Oh, you're this whole dynamic between Sasha Baron Cohen and his wife, like, kind of leads to nowhere. Yeah. What was the point of it? You don't even really get a joke out of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:07

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:08

You can have a joke. That's a funny idea. Like, what a weird scenario where he's like, I'm tricking you into having sex with my wife so I can catch you and then kill you. Like, there is some, there is something there that could be comedic. And you just, you just were like, yeah, the idea's funny enough. We don't have to do anything with it.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:27

Well, and that's wrong. I mean, if we look at the this whole section, right? We have our initial section is he does the weird voice. Then we do the he's he wanted to be a model, and you have to swallow a condom full of drugs, and then this thing is about and have those three things have nothing to do with this. Is not the same character. This is not a character. Yes. This is we have not created a little I mean, that should be a little mini play, right? That like what occurs here should be a play. It should be act one, act two, and act three, right? The you know, you get there and you establish it. The second part is the thing that has to happen, the third part is the resolution. These three things have nothing to do with each other.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:11

100%, 100%. And I mean I they're just they're just ideas that you had, and you're like, well, we'll just put them all on this one character.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:18

I bet you if you looked at Dumb A Dumber, which I I I've maybe seen, maybe twice. I saw when it came out and enjoyed it, but it'd be interesting to watch that when they get to the ski place and we start doing the aspen or whatever it is, if that whole thing tracks one, you know, it is a little mini play that all things, you know, because they kill the bird or something, and you know, if those if those things all connect and they make this heads are falling off.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:47

Um, and it would be interesting. Or if it's just like, okay, we killed the the animal joke, then we do this other joke, and then we do this other joke.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:55

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:56

I don't know either.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:57

It's been a minute.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:58

They run away, uh, they're in the back of the cocaine truck with the wife, but then they hit a truck.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:05

They hit a this is the part that made me very upset with the Larry David translator. Yeah. So there's three people in the front of this truck. It's the wife and the two um guards. Guards. Yeah, it's great. And then Paul and Mark are hiding in the back of the truck. Now, the three people are talking loud enough that the translator is picking it up and can translate, but somehow they're not hearing the translator repeat back what it's say. If one can hear one, they can hear the other. It's just that's just how things work. It's not a one-way voice tunnel, okay? That's not a thing, guys. Ridiculous. Got very upset. Yeah, and then they crash into a something. Tree.

Karaoke Cocaine Condoms And Chaos

SPEAKER_03 1:05:49

They crash into a tree, and they're all dead. Our guys survive, the other people die, they get out, but there's been a lot of cocaine sort of shot up. So they're pretty high, they're walking. Wahlberg's knee is messed up. He fixes the knee with condoms or something.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:02

I don't know. Well, Paul likes to snaps it back into place. Um, there was there was almost a good joke where he was on the wrong knee at first. He was about to pop the wrong knee. Why that's funny is because that happened to me in the hospital. I went in to have surgery on my left knee. And they, if you know, they they mark it with an X. And I was like, why are you marking it with an X? And it turns out, thank God they did, because then the doctor came in and he was looking at the other knee, and he's like, All right, so if we come in here, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, the X is on the other knee, Doc. And he's like, Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I read that wrong. And I was like, what do you mean you read it wrong? Can you imagine if I just went in there and I came out and my left knee was still fucked up and then my right knee was all shredded because I went inside of it? But I'm very upset. So there's a funny scene there that you could have done, and they didn't. You might be a wealthy man.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:56

You might be a wealthy man now if that had happened to you.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:59

I wouldn't mind it. You know, I'll get I'll take one for the team.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:03

Give me a couple of meal. Uh get the next morning. We we set up that uh Paul Walterhauser is the fun police while Brad is the guy that laughs at the guy trying to be the fun police.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:18

Is he the fun police? At what point was he the fun police?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:25

Um they poop out the cocaine. Great answer, Dan.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:28

I appreciate it as always.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:29

They poop out the cocaine. Uh we do the like, I never fit in. Oh, then Brad does a whole I never fit in. That's what I love about you, is you fit in, that the nerd guy fits in? No, that's no.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:41

I no, it doesn't really matter because this whole scene doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:44

Oh no, Paul Walter Hauser doesn't fit in. Brad is shallow.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:48

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:49

And and not, and he says, and but and you're good at what you do. And it's like Brad's really good at what he does. Yep. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:58

It's this is they know that they need to have a scene where they reconcile their differences. Yeah. But they don't really have differences to reconcile, so it doesn't really make sense. And also the way they do it is like, this is so random. That it something has to, there has to be a catalyst for them to learn to accept each other. Oh, they don't just decide now that we're in the woods, be like, okay, now's a good time for us to come together. Kumbaya, let's do it. You know, Brad's not the way things work.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:32

Brad's got to be the shoot from the hip guy. Well, he's the guy that has to think about things. Sure. Brad's the loud guy. Well, he's the quiet guy. You just you just set up all those standard things. Whatever you want to do, it doesn't matter what you do. You just gotta you gotta actually do them. Um, yeah, here comes a crocodile, alligator, it eats the cocaine bags, and they're like, oh, cocaine bear. And he sort of goes like that, and then his heart explodes and he dies.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:57

Here's my problem is that they make a cocaine bear joke, but there's also a movie about crocs or alligators that get cocaine and then go eat people. Like that was a movie that was made very soon after cocaine bear. Yeah, nobody knows that many years before this movie was made. Nobody knows that. I know it. The wife and I watched it. We thought it was hilarious. Nobody knows that. So it's a real thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:21

Everybody knows cocaine bear. Nobody knows cocaine crocodile.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:25

But do your research, that's all I'm saying, guys.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:28

Uh boom, they're walking along, and here come Eco Warriors. They're looking for poachers. They make a couple of Erwan jokes.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:38

You like that?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:39

Well, I I live across the street from an Erwan, so of course I like it. My wife used to work at Erwan. Oh, yeah, no, you're right. You do. Yep. Uh and here's Julie, they call her patchully Julie, and then they realize that they're these guys are the guys that that screwed up the Brazil match, but they love them, so they take them to their camp.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:59

Right. Cause because they like chaos or something. They said words I did not pay attention to. Yeah, it didn't really make sense to me, but that's fine.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:07

There's this local shaman guy, he speaks in another language which none of them understand.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:12

Uh which is so that part is funnier to me than Sasha Baron Cohen doing with they don't understand him. Because I can't remember the guy's name. The one guy that you know in that group.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:28

Uh oh, Eric Andre?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:30

Yes. He gets to say the line something like, it's gibberish. That's and that's like that's where you need to go. That's the beginning. Him just being like, I I don't know, he's talking gibberish, and he's trying to give them advice. Don't pee in the water, don't do these things. I think you need to s, in my opinion, you need to escalate that, where then they start like talking back to him and saying, you know, being slightly racist. I just they have two scenes. Always goes back to the racism. It's they this is their scene, not my scene. They set up the joke where Americans can't understand the foreigners, even though we are in their country, right? That can be funny and uncomfortable, but they do this exact same scene twice, and neither time do they do any jokes with it. Well, they they say his name at the end with like a wee.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:22

It's like, oh, that was Papa E. It was very funny when they did that five times. You're like, well, that one guy keeps doing that. He that's he's locked onto his joke. Well, that guy wasn't very funny. I don't know if you noticed that. That guy was super not funny. Um, so they say we're gonna have a party later on tonight, even though it's in the afternoon, and then we'll take you on a raft tomorrow. Um, then we also set up the vampire fish, which uh swims into your dick.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:51

Now, I don't think that exists, right? But there are like amoeba that do that. There's something that like smaller things.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:59

There's something that if you're in the water and your dick's in the water, you can get stuff in your dick, I think.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:03

I believe if you open the stream. It didn't notice there are like there are rivers or something that you're just you're you can't do it. But it's not, as far as I know, it's more of a disease type thing. It's more of like an amoeba gets inside and kills you or something. Makes more sense of a fish swimming upstream into your pee pee, but I could be wrong. It leads to one of my only good laughs of the movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:29

There it is. Uh we it's we do a fish concert joke, we do ayahuasca, we do a licking of frogs joke, and then uh was it a joke?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:40

I mean because he just goes, How do you get into the frog licking business?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:44

And his answer is just Well, they just lick frogs, but they say we've got a frog guy. You know, that's the joke.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:51

Yeah, oh sure, because he's like the drug guy. Yeah, all right.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:54

That was the that was the joke.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:56

Um we're putting the bar pretty low. I gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:01

I mean, in movies like this, making a reference is a joke. I'm not saying I didn't laugh at any of these things. I'm just saying they they make it okay, I'll say they made a reference to ayahuasca, to fish, and a light frogs. Um Julie's gonna have sex with both of them for some reason. Yeah, I know. What's his name would not have wanted to have sex with her, period.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:24

No, there's zero percent chance. And he wouldn't want to have sex with Mark Wahlberg while having sex. You know what I mean? Like zero percent chance. This is not in his character whatsoever.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:36

And she's like, I'll take you to the love making spot. The love making spot happens to be the random top of a hill where you can see the poachers that they've hung. You gotta you gotta put a couple pillows down, you gotta, you gotta do something. You just on a hill?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:50

No. This is not the love making point, then this is just a hill.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:55

There's gotta be like something. There's gotta be something like a like a straw mat. She's like, yeah, that's our one straw mat.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:02

That's we all have sex on that, you know? And then Paul Walter Hauser needs to be like, when when did you sanitize it last? You know?

SPEAKER_03 1:14:10

No, I mean, I I'll maybe I'll stand here and watch a little, but no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, he never does that. He never goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He never it's so easy to re in comedy, it's so easy to react. And like like you said at the beginning, then pull that was always the thing. Get to the 10, then we'll pull you back to where you need to be.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:36

Exactly. Yep.

Eco Warriors Trip And Jungle Bits

SPEAKER_03 1:14:38

And he just he's cruising at a other way, guys. He's cruising at a 1.5 most of the time. He's just like, oh my god, come on, do something. I'm max speed right now. So basically, we find out that the crocodile that they that that died from their whatchamacallit is is gonna get them in trouble because that's what they're trying to protect here. Right. And then she's like, Oh, we got cameras everywhere, and then they realize that there's there's gonna be footage. How do they stop? Whatever. Um, I mean, truth be told, people set up trail cameras everywhere at this point. Sure, sure. And capture animals doing all sorts of things. There's oh god. What did I see? There's like this one guy that what he'll do is he'll he'll make he'll take a big pile of something and pile it in the in the forest, and then he'll put trail cameras on it, and then you can watch the YouTube video of all the animals that come to eat at what he's set up.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:39

Which is beautiful. That's I love that. Yeah, it's super cool. First of all, you should tell me who that is because I would totally watch it. You can just look it up on YouTube. I don't know who the fuck it is. I can't look it up. I don't know what to say.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:49

So then they realize that they're gonna get discovered, so they they run away to go steal the raft. Uh, Eric Andre and the other guy find the footage and it shows them like sitting with the alligator, and the alligator, this is where they're eating out of the alligator.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:04

And there's a they say a bunch of words scratching each other's backs with the claw or something.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:09

They're being huge, they're doing humorous things with the dead animal. Are they humorous?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:14

Well, I mean, they're more they're they're attempts at humorous things. Sure. I just kept thinking, like, how did they get the claw off? How did they tear off through the bone?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:23

You know? So they escape on the raft. Oh, we do this whole thing where Julie wants to have sex with everyone except Eric Andre and this other guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:35

So it's they kind of tell you, Dan. So basically they're all shooting, right? They're all shooting, and then Eric Andre and the other guy don't hit anything, I guess. And she's like, This is why I won't fuck you two. But the problem is I feel like everyone was shooting and missing. So it didn't, it didn't make any sense. Oh, they like their bad. I I don't know. It was very dumb. What I did think could have been a funny bit was they started being upset that she was gonna make them kill these guys when they saw the tape. They were like, Oh, we're gonna have to kill them now. I don't want to kill, you know, that's almost funny. Where you're willing to kill them because she's hot, but you don't want to kill them. Like, there could be something funny there.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:23

There's your joke, is they've never killed anyone. Great. Yeah, there you go. And so they should be the ones really wanting to kill them or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:32

Sure, yeah, great. I don't yeah. Whatever. I don't know. Do something, just do something different than what you did, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:37

Uh it's nighttime, they got a pee. What's his name? Peas in a bucket, because he's like, Oh, we gotta we gotta save the pea, because if we run out of water, even though they're on a river.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:47

Um when you're in the ocean and salt water, yeah, I understand, but you're on a river, you just drink that water.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:53

Yeah, you're not supposed to drink the salt water, it doesn't help. No. Just FYI if everyone's stranded. That's not good.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:59

And so he pours the pea out, and then Mark Wahlberg goes to pee, and this is when we have the vampire thing that the shaman set up in a language they didn't understand. It swims right up his thing and sticks in his well, it gets in his dick, but he grabs his dick in time. I love the visual of the little fish swimming up the stream. That's very funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:19

Great, yeah, yeah, very good. I I like this scene, and let me tell you why. Mark Wahlberg plays it. This is this is the the most the closest to a 10 we've seen from anyone in the movie. Paul Walter Hauser, still at a 1.5 at best, maybe a one. He might drop a little in this scene, I'm not really sure. But Mark is giving it his all, and he delivers this line where he's like, I need you to use your mouth, which is a great, that's exactly where we need to go.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:50

He's trying to grab the fish and it's slippery. And yeah, just think about all the ooh, ooh, ooh, oh God, he's so he's so little in he's little, but he's slippery. Ah, you know, just do something. Have fun with it, just have fun with it.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:04

You know what I mean? Like, you're in a silly position, just have fun with it. But he doesn't, he makes a very conscious choice not to do that. Um, but Mark, Mark is like, use your mouth. Paul Walterhauser's like, you use your mouth. And this is my favorite line of the movie. Mark in like in agony is just like, don't you think if I could reach my own dick, I'd know that by now. Yeah. And that line was a good line. Yeah. It was just, it was nice, it's delivered right. And I I was like, there's there's a movie here, guys. If you if you give someone to bounce him, you it could be fun. Well, they're actually fun too.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:41

They're going through something finally. There, this is these two characters are finally going through something together.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:47

Is Paul going through it?

SPEAKER_03 1:19:49

Well, I don't know. He's yelling at him. Yeah, he's going through it. A little. A little. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:55

Um yeah, no, I thought I thought that was uh I really liked that. I thought it was funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:59

And he does it. And then his phone gets a signal, but they don't notice. And boom, in the morning, here comes the patrol boat uh with the bad people, and what were they gonna do? Oh, they just leave them be, right? So they're like, We're the patrol boat, and they're like, We're not gonna rescue you, because it turns out that they're on the Ngazu River, which has the Ngazu Falls, and so then they're gonna go over the falls, but they use a lot of condoms, and then they don't die from going over the falls.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:30

Don't make any sense, Dan.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:32

Um well, I mean, there used to be a thing, and people used to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:38

No, that's from a cartoon. You're confused. That's real. That that didn't happen in real life. I don't believe that for a second. That's crazy. Um that's insane.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:49

Uh Elijah has to save Brad, and then we have a montage of their friendship. Friendship montage montage.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:56

I was sh I was floored when this happened. Friendship montage. The friendship montage of a movie without friendship was so weird to me. I I was uh befuddled. That's the only way to say it. Befuddled.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:11

So they they get to the they get to the shore, and then boom, here comes the tank, here comes all these military guys, but also here comes the lawyer lady, who's really a military commander, and it turns out that when once you go over the falls, you're in Argentina. Argentina was the one who won the World Cup, so they are heroes in Argentina, and that's the solution is that they have to live their lives out in Argentina.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:39

I don't hate it. I don't hate that. You know, I think that's a fine resolution because there's not a lot of ways out of this problem. No. And I think that's a pretty good one.

unknown 1:21:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:49

Uh they become the condom of Argentina, there's a bus parade, and then there's a whole weird voiceover, which I could not listen to the voiceover at the end.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:59

It was just about how they love soccer now and how it, you know, that it's family or something, and they're doing great. They're doing great in Argentina. And they made a big statue of uh the right of him tackling the hot dog and him getting hit in the head with the ball. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:15

Why is there a tank? Why why is there a tank?

SPEAKER_01 1:22:18

I don't I don't know. I don't know. They just wanted it to be cool. Seems scary.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:26

It's like, why did they just shoot them? Right. That's a good point. Bang. Done. Done. And movie's over.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:35

Great job, everybody. Great job.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:37

I don't think I'll ever fondly think of this movie. Uh no. No, I don't think so either. Because at least like the Kevin Hart Mark Wahlberg movie, there was like the whole weird shit scene in the kitchen and the turtles. That was like so weird. And then there was a scene at the end. There was this the there was a scene at the end that I think I liked too.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:00

I I can't think of anything in this movie other than like the fish swimming up the Well, so I think if they would have played that scene more, like stayed with it a little more, I think that scene would be pretty memorable. Like I was, and this is just, you know, I'm not rewriting the movie. I'm just saying something that I was thinking about is I think it'd be funny if Paul Walter Hauser started like going down with his eyes closed, and then Mark would freak out. He's like, Why are your eyes closed? You're gonna get something you don't want, you know. Like you could just more dick is is one. I I think we need more dick, and we need to see Paul like go at it with his mouth a little bit. I know that people may not want to see that, but I think it would be pretty funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:40

It would be very rude, but it would be funny. That's the thing. Yeah, you guys, the Farrelly brothers used to be rude, right? They they went for the rude and were unapologetic about it. And we live in a now we're afraid. We live in afraid, an afraid world, and I understand that. I understand why people are afraid, but come on.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:00

I understand why people are afraid. I do get it, and I think that you know being careful isn't necessarily a bad thing, but also go for it. It's comedy. Sometimes you just gotta go for it, otherwise it's not gonna land.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:12

Yeah, you're not making a bunch of a bunch of gay jokes or anything. They didn't make any gay jokes.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:19

It's not about being gay. It's not. Yeah, it's just that's a funny visual. Yeah, no matter how you look at it, someone trying to get a fish out of someone else's penis is a funny visual that we should live in a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:33

Yeah, and it's not like, yeah. I mean, in the 90s they probably would have been like, no homo, you know, done a whole thing like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:39

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:39

And it would have been you'd have been like, oh, okay, whatever. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:48

I don't know either. What if he ate the fish? You know, what if he gets it out and then he swallows it? You know, that's fun. What if he ate the fish?

SPEAKER_03 1:24:58

There it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:00

Anything else you have to say about how terrible Paul Walterhauser is? No, I've said way more than I wanted to, and I feel bad. Uh I don't I don't work. I'm not I'm a talentless hack, so take everything I said with a grain of salt. See, I'm I'm just not a fan.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:17

I gotta say, I'm disappointed in this episode. What? You thought I'd be more mad about it? I thought you would be so angry and so like, if I were doing this, I would do this. Sometimes you get that way, don't you?

SPEAKER_01 1:25:34

It's very funny. Here's the thing. I if we had done this episode yesterday, that's where I was at yesterday. Oh, you've calmed down. I thought about it overnight and I was like, I know nobody watches this podcast, but if somebody did, they would just be like, this guy's just uh a talentless, bitter wannabe, which is all true. Like, that's all correct, but I don't want to be that guy, even though, yeah, he sucks, he's not funny. Could I have done a better job? 100%, right? I think I don't even think that's a big like leap. I don't even think even people that don't know me might be like, you might have been able to do a better job because he was really bad and the bar is really low. But I didn't want to be that guy coming and just bashing on another fat guy who can't uh be funny, you know? Yeah, so I calmed down. I apologize for letting you down, Dan.

Why Modern Comedies Pull Punches

What We Watched After The Movie

SPEAKER_03 1:26:31

Disappointed. Looking forward to your to your level of ire.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:37

Um it was, I'm telling you, 12 hours ago, I was off the charts. Okay, good. I feel better now.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:44

Um now we're talking about something we liked this week. I had something and then I forgot it. Um, I don't know if I talked about this last week, but I watched there's this guy called um he has a show, Dan Olsen, who does folding ideas and needed a thing about Mr. Beast. Did I talk about that last week?

SPEAKER_01 1:27:01

You did. You did, and I watched it by the way. And it is, yes, it's great. Oh, he's awesome. Um, so I might have to watch more stuff by him.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:11

So there's this other guy who I watch called Big Joel. He did he'd done one before dissecting every single game in Beast Beast Wars.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:21

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:22

One. So then he dropped another he dropped a video, an hour-long video, talking about Beast Beast Wars. What's it called? Beast game Beast Games 2, dissecting the entire thing. And then the guy that you watch, Dan Olsen, he dropped another video, an hour and eighteen minutes, where he dissected every game about it.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:40

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:41

Um, it's just so the Mr. Beast thing, that Mr. Beast and his boys. They're these guys that have so much money and they just don't spend the money right. And it got me thinking about how hard it is, you know, like for Facebook to like do anything other than Facebook. Facebook for all these different giant companies who revolutionize the world with their companies, and then they just can't do a second thing. They they think they could do a second thing, but they pour all this money into these things, you know, the metaverse being the thing that they just shut down. And you know, you I remember watching Mark Zuckerberg stand there with the showing the little emo the little dudes that were floating around without legs, and you're just like, who the fuck is going to be interested in that when you have Fortnite and a million other things that are fucking incredible?

SPEAKER_01 1:28:36

Even Fortnite's not doing so good. They just laid off a bunch of people at Epic Games because the it's down. Yeah. Usage is down.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:43

Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:45

Well Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:46

Yeah. We live 100%. We live in this weird fragment fragmenting thing where it's like, you know, like I think I've said this before is I watch more YouTube than anything at this point.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:56

Yeah. We watch a wait, we watch a lot. We watch a lot of wood. We watch a lot of peacock, is what I was gonna say. Oh, yeah, really? Love peacock. Peacock's got everything. In fact, the thing I'm gonna talk about is on Peacock.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:12

And that's the thing. It's like, you know, you don't have the the three big channels that everybody watches it, you know. It's like, well, you're either gonna be watching everybody's days are gone. The monoculture is gone. And it's, you know, everybody used to sit down and watch watch Cosby, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:29:28

What was the Primetime TV?

SPEAKER_03 1:29:31

There was uh Zach Galifanakis has a new gardening show, which I'm gonna watch, so I'll probably talk about that next week. But I was watching some of the outtakes from between two ther two ferns, and he had John Hamm on there, and he was like, so what does it feel like to know that uh Smithsonian has uh Don Draper's suit hung right next to Bill Cosby's sweater? You're like those those jokes, some of those jokes are just like holy moly, they're so rude, so obnoxious. And he's like, because he has a there's uh this one comedy podcast I listen to, he has a big interview, and he's like, we've gotten to this point where a lot of people think maybe he didn't say it, maybe the host said it. A lot of people think that between two ferns is real.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:25

Oh wow, really? It's a we we live in a weird world. It's a really weird space, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:34

Okay, Tony, what do you got for us? Give us a change of mind.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:39

No, I changed my mind because I forgot what else we watched, and I actually liked this more, and we're about to watch more of it. Uh I mentioned it last time. America Gladiators dropped the new the new version. I love it. Have a great time. The Miz is one of the hosts. He's an old wrestler, not old, he is a wrestler, was uh he's great, super fun. Yeah, um, the games are it's it's interesting to watch some of the games that they did in the 80s that they brought back, and now I'm like, huh. Well, that game's not all that much fun. But then there's some new games that are really cool. Um, it's great. It's a great mix of like some of the old stuff and some new stuff. It's super fun. Uh, I hope they get to keep doing it, and the semifinals and the finals get released on my on next week on my birthday. So I'm very excited.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:27

Happy birthday to Toby.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:29

Thanks, Dan.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:31

Well, we're gonna have to we're gonna go serious. We're gonna we're gonna put the no, let's not go serious. Comedies away.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:39

We already did. Is Paul Walter Hauser in this movie? She was. Get it? Because there's no comedy in those movies. Oh, I see.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:46

No, we're gonna we're going with the biggest star in the world doing the greatest sports movie of all time. What is this?

SPEAKER_01 1:31:58

Ping pong, ping pong, ping pong, ping pong, ping pong. Oh no. We're watching a Timothy Shalomala movie. We're doing Marty Supreme! Yeah, I don't how long is Marty Supreme? If this is a long movie, I'll be mad at you. Shannon was like it dropped on HBO, so did it? Yeah, Dan, it's 2 30. It's two hours and 30 minutes. Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:23

It's funny. The this the balls up movie or balls balls go. I I said to myself, I hope this movie isn't an hour and 46 minutes. Or hour and 46 hour and 47 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:35

I looked at hour 46 minutes. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:38

You did it. You did it. You set a bar and it got right underneath it. Nailed it. I'm going to quickly look at something here, Dan. I'm going to look through Timothy Chalamet's uh resume. I don't know if I've ever seen one Timothy. You have seen one for sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:54

We did one. What was he in? You have to remember. Not a name, we didn't do it. He was not the star.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:03

All right, I'm starting at the beginning. No, no. Law and Order. Probably saw that. Royal Paints. He was on in uh four episodes of Royal Paints. I definitely saw that. I loved that. That was a USA show. That was a great show. He was in Interstellar? So I guess I've seen that. Maybe it was one of the kids. He must have been one of his kids. Must have been. Ladybird didn't see that. Oh, Ladybird was good.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:26

Lady Bird was great.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:27

Was it?

SPEAKER_03 1:33:27

Yeah, it's great.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:28

Didn't see Dune. That's for darn sure. I should probably see it. Great. I should probably see it. Wonderful movies. Alright. What am I missing? I don't know. Oh, don't look up.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:41

He plays like the kid. Do they have sex? I think they're.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:44

Now I remember. Yeah, they're on. Yep, I remember. Okay. He was fine.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:48

He was great. You're right. He was great in Wonka. I loved Wonka. Wonka was great.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:51

Yeah, didn't see Wonka. Yeah. Alright. I should probably watch some Timothy Chalamet. I just, he does all fairly serious movies, and I, you know, ugh. Bore me, you know?

SPEAKER_03 1:34:03

You wouldn't want to watch actors doing acting.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:05

Ugh. Horrible. No, that's why I watched Paul Walter Hauser. Alright, that's the last one. Last one.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:12

Okay. Well, so we're gonna do Marty Supreme, do some ping pong, do some Softy Brothers or South Softy Brothers, I think they're called, something like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:21

Softy Brothers.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:22

That sounds Yeah, it's the it's the whatchamacallit, the Uncut Gems, the brother of the Uncut Gems guy. Oh, okay. Yeah. You know, there you go. Guys are out there swinging their dicks around. Ooh, look at my dick. I love it. Yep, got it. That's the noise of a dick swinging back and forth. That's what that noise is. Um, sorry. There was if you're just listening, there wasn't to help.

Subscribe Then Frasier Writing Rant

SPEAKER_01 1:34:49

You know what it was. Just okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:52

Uh if you like what we do, give us a thumbs up, subscribe, or even send us a message. You know, we're we're listening. Listening.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:01

Just like Fraser Crane. I'm listening.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:04

Oh god. I I bring up the how bad that Frasier reboot was the reboot time.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:10

It is it's heartbreaking because the original's so good, and he is still so good at that character, and they just could not write a show around it. It's embarrassing.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:21

Well, and that's the the thing, you know. I wondered if if if the the writing of the 90s and the 2000s was a lost art. But we have we have it's not. It's not because the the uh Jason Momoa and whatchamacallit action movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:39

That's the Wrecking Crew.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:40

You can still still write a movie like that, and then then this new Steve Carell show, the The Rooster.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:46

Oh, that's on our list. I have to watch it. I'm gonna try to watch that this week.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:49

It is a classic sitcom. I mean, my they might be spending a lot more money than they ever did on the classic sitcom, but the the writing is classic sitcom writing, and it's fine. So I think there's just a lot of bad writing available. And you know, now if we have a lot of bad AI writing available, it's gonna get even better.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:09

We're just steadily going downhill. Uh, we're along for the ride, everybody. Well, I can smell some food cooking, so I'm gonna go have lunch. Oh, I'm jelly.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:18

All right. Go eat your pizza, shut up.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:22

You know it. Yeah, yeah, we got Rocky's gourmet. I've got a uh barbecue chicken with pineapple waiting for me in the fridge. There you go. Go eat your pizza, Tony, and I'll see you next week. Goodbye, everybody.