Hate Watching Dark Crimes: True Crime or Exploitation?

Dark Crimes wants to be a grim, prestige-leaning true crime thriller, but the further we follow it, the less it holds together. We sit down with our notes and try to track basic things a crime mystery should make clear: who wants what, what the evidence means, and why Jim Carrey’s detective is even making these choices. Instead, we find missing motivation, unclear timelines, and a “reveal” that feels like it changes the vibe more than the story.

The most heated part of our conversation is the adaptation problem. The real case that inspires the film has a genuinely interesting hook, yet the movie pivots into a sex cult angle that we think adds nothing to the central mystery while pushing the material toward exploitation. We talk about what that choice does to the theme, why the ending lands with a thud, and how basic screenwriting tools like dialogue and a strong investigative partner are oddly absent. If you like film criticism, movie podcasts, and honest breakdowns of plot holes, this one is a full teardown.

After we finally put the movie down, we cleanse the palate with what we actually enjoyed this week, from Scream 7 to the return of American Gladiators, plus a few side quests into reality TV and why Traitors works. We also get into a surprisingly real topic: the influencer career dream and what happens when the audience moves on, then connect it to the creative trap of waiting for perfect camera gear before you make anything.

If you’re listening, subscribe for more movie chaos, share the episode with a friend who loves a good bad-movie autopsy, and leave a review telling us your all-time most confusing thriller twist.

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Transcript

Cold Open And Host Banter

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Come on all hyped up Ah you know I got that adrenaline flowin' She just left he just left me on red leaving me on red Bye Shannon She can't hear me What would you do if I sang out a tune? Would you stand up and walk out of me? Well yeah, 'cause then you're yelling at her, Dan So rude But it's your tone, okay Tone Tone Like Kool-Aid, you know When I say Koolet you don't remember those commercials? Never mind, Dan You're too young for that I'm never okay, Dan I'm operating at a zero Offspring Sure, sure, sure, sure You gotta keep 'em separated now now now now Yeah Oh Dan Dan's got a lot of attitude today Don't you Dan? I'm coming in accusatory. How about that? You make me watch a smut film and then you're gonna be mad at me? Unbelievable. Your acting is off the charts. This is good. Just be gloomy for an hour and a half. That's all you need. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Oscar. Give him an Oscar. Okay, now you've gotten a haircut. So I've said that the last two weeks. Why does your hair always look so different? You son of a bitch. I think it was either last week or the week before. I was like, oh, your hair looks different. And you were like, oh, I showered. But today is definitely shorter. Oh man. You just lying to me, telling me you didn't get it. Son of a bitch. Yeah, totally worth it though. Those puppies are adorable.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

And I'm Tony. Great, really fell off the cliff there. Welcome, where am I? It's gonna be good.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

And shouldn't have been made, probably That's not good.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

But it's understandable. It's completely understandable.

SPEAKER_01 4:08

And yet. Yep, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

I so it it baffled me as well, and I'm curious to know in which ways you were baffled. I don't know if we're the same bafflements or not, but I was I spent most of the movie like this. And if you're just listening, my face is confused and my hands are in the air, and I left them up, they went numb. That's how long they were up in the air, they went numb. I just I don't understand what's why this movie was made. I don't understand why Jim would agree to it after reading a script of it. I don't understand anything.

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Did you okay?

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Oh, okay. I thought that that was an animal outside your window or something little I wish we were. Then I could get eaten by a snake. It would be more pleasurable than watching this movie. Which is shocking based on the rest of the movie, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:05

No. Yeah. Much, much later. Yeah, much, much, much later. Yeah, okay. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Right, cuz it is kind of dumb. Um, but also the problem is is that it's also not interesting. Neither the story getting to the reveal nor the reveal are interesting. It's just like, yeah, okay, I agree. I'm glad she did it.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

End of story.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

That's I so dumb. I mean, that's a great question because it's definitely what you're supposed to believe is the premise of the movie. And then I think that they think the ending revealed changes that, but it turns out it doesn't, right? Because she's like, and she's murdered. Spoilers the head, by the way, if you haven't seen this movie, don't do it.

unknown 7:43

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Because you should not, you should not watch it, and I'm I'm sad that I did. Who was yeah, amen to that. Unless they're Polish, maybe it was huge in Poland. I don't know. That says a lot about Poland. Wow. Well, great job, Jim Carrey.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Um.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

It's Jim Carrey scowling. I don't, is that better or worse? I'm not really sure. Um, anyhow, what was I saying? So the end it turns out that the girl did it. There's the big reveal, right? Um, because she was being abused, she murdered her abuser, basically, right? Sort of. And then to keep getting away with it, she's murdering Jim Carrey. And that just, isn't that just kind of perpetuating the whole the whole thing where it's like, well, she's gotta do what she's gotta do, and she just wants to, I don't know. I'm honestly, this movie, I don't think it has a point. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Yeah. Is that is that right? We got we got bad tails, I'll tell you that. Yeah. They have to. Right. Like, it's not yeah.

The Reveal That Changes Nothing

SPEAKER_00 9:50

Yeah, it's as if to him, it's as if they're like, should I become the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company or go to the sex dungeon and get abused? I mean, one of them's easier for sure. I don't understand. And he's the way he presents that argument is like you see these beautiful women going up to their big houses with big gates. What the fuck are you talking about right now, guy? I don't understand what you're saying to me. I just this whole thing, Dan, I I'm completely blown away. Here's the other thing I want to say. Did you read the true story that this is based on? Not only is it super interesting, but not about a sex cult, right? There's no raping and torturing involved in the true story, uh, other than the guy writes a book that is sadistic, right? So then the person that wrote this movie was like, what if that part was real? That's more interesting if we just degrade and you know rape women all the time. What kind of a person writes this movie based off of a super interesting story about a guy who murders someone and then writes a book about it years later, and that's how he gets caught? How do you get from that story over to be like, well, now there's a bunch of men who are torturing women? That's not, I don't understand. I can't make that line connect.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

Every day. Correct, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

To your face, and then they go home to a sex dungeon, Dan. That's what I'm telling you. I mean, it can't it can't be, right? I don't know. I don't know. This Dan, I gotta tell you, this thing really threw me for a loop. I don't I came here and I was like, what are we even gonna talk about? This movie's so crazy to me. Uh, but I have a lot to talk about because they do a lot of stupid things. Because not only is the the story dumb, the the dialogue is awful, it's terrible. But my biggest question is so this revitalized the film in Poland, you said, right? Why isn't it in Polish? Why is everybody speaking English? Do people do a lot of people speak English in Poland? So can't you just do, you know, subtitles like other other people do? I do hate subtitles, but you know what I hate more than the subtitles? Jim Carrey trying to do a Polish accent. And here's here's the messed up thing. I don't even know if he did a good job. I don't think I've ever heard in my real true life a Polish accent. Have nothing to compare it to, but I'm watching and I'm like, he's not Polish. This guy's not doing it right.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

A hundred percent. Well. Yes, that is her name. Okay, all right. Dan's a fan, I love it. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Did they? Interesting, interesting. I guess, you know, Morgan Freeman and then Jim Carrey, because you know I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

Well, there's one moment of investigation which comes from, I believe, the real true crime case, which is towards the beginning when Jim Carrey makes the other guy drag him through the marsh. And he's like, Well, we've learned one thing. Men are heavy. Now, that's very important to the plot. I I don't know. Sure, I don't know what that means at all. Yeah, I didn't understand that, damn. Somewhere else. Yeah, somewhere different. Where it was slightly closer, because ri rivers also bend. So wherever it was closest to the road, that's where he really did it, and then the body floated. I don't, there's a lot of lies in this movie where they just go over my head. I don't understand what they're saying.

unknown 16:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

For for why, I don't I don't have the slightest clue.

The Real Case Versus The Movie

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Continue. Correct.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

And I hate my family already. I don't know if. Well, I don't know about that, Dan. All right, one, the kid listens to her headphones at breakfast. Nope, you're done. Fuck you. I'm disowned. You can listen. No, no, no. You can talk about your day. It's a conversation. The dinner table is a time for conversation, reconnecting with your family because you're all doing different things throughout the day. So that's a time for connection. Not for you on your stereo, and then mom staring at her crucifix for some reason, and then me just eating my eggs, OCD style. I don't know what's going on. But they're all, I don't know, dude. This is this is bizarre. But they're not a fan, like she they don't sleep together. And I don't mean I'm blasting physically, but it seems like he's not sleeping in the bed with her. She shuts the door at night. They didn't show it, but he's like looking at her when he gets home one night and she's in the bedroom and she shuts the door, and then he goes the other way. I just assume that means, like, yeah, we're not sleeping in the same room. So they already hate each other, and then he sleeps with this other woman, and then you're kind of like, oh yeah, okay, well, he doesn't like his wife, so like I don't understand this. Isn't that big of a deal? And then then it's over. And then she leaves, and you're like, that's probably the right choice. You know, I he you guys aren't getting along, and get out, get out. I can't. There's no I just, oh dad, this is too much for me. I can't handle it. I'm I'm on overload right now. No, and also part of that is because the license plate in Poland confused me. So I don't even they're all they all start with like KT or something. I was like, what is what's going on here? So I don't. I was like trying to figure out who is this? Who who is what's going on? What's this four-letter code? Uh so no, I have no idea who drives what car or what their license plates are.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Right. I like that you were baffled by it because I was just like, have I seen this house before? I can't. Does this matter? So, you're doing better than me, I'll tell you that. Yeah. They have the partner though. They have another guy that is just there occasionally. Just every once in a while, this guy pops up whenever they want an extra body. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

I yeah, I don't know. Also, I so you bring up a good point, 'cause who is he gonna talk to? And for some reason the answer's nobody, right? So he doesn't do a lot of times in a detective show. You have the reason you have someone to bounce ideas off of is to talk about the plot for us. Like you talk about your next move, you talk about what the killer's move might be, or what they've already done, and what that means for the next step. Like you have a dialogue, but the dialogue's also with us. That's the whole point. As the audience, your dialogue is for us, but you do it in a way that seems like it's for you. That's great. In this movie, I think Jim Carrey says 12 words. I don't think he talks very much. It's the opposite. Eddie Murphy went and did a movie called like 10,000 words, and Jim was like, Well, I can't do that. And they're like, Well, what about this movie where we only say eight words? He's like, I'll do that one. I just there's no dialogue in this movie. And then the dialogue does happen is terrible. I just don't understand how I'm supposed to know what's happening. How do I know what's going on in his head if nobody's telling me? But this, I thought he was in his own house because he had his briefcase, and I was like, oh, he just went home for supplies. And it turns out nope, because then the other people come in, I'm like, what are they doing in his house? And then they have sex. I was like, well, this isn't his house. This must be their house of some sort. Oh, that's a different time. I can't keep any of this straight. That's her apartment. Yeah, and then he the Kozlov is there. Well, they didn't have money for Leiden. All right. Oh natural is what we call that. Oh wow. Yeah, let's people are probably confused. See, let's clear it up for them. Which can't be right. Yeah, I don't know what that means.

Poland Setting And Accent Choices

SPEAKER_01 24:21

I don't know. All right, sure. That's it. Yeah, it's not a good start to a movie.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

I've sure, but it amounts to nothing later. Because I will posit that it doesn't really matter that there's a sex club in this movie. She could just be a regular prostitute, and we could have had the exact same storyline.

SPEAKER_01 25:31

So I don't know why this is a thing. Yep. But then they go back at the end of the movie, right? Because that's where they end the movie. Right?

SPEAKER_00 25:58

Right, but why? But why? And she says something like, Oh, the rest of them will be here soon. And I was like, who? Who's coming? She's restarting the club? I didn't get that, Dan. I didn't get that at all. Why why can't she just be a regular prostitute? I don't understand why she needs to have a whole cage club. Okay. I didn't understand that. Because he seemed pretty cool with it. He walked in, he's like, oh, where's everybody else? And she's like, they're coming later. And I had no idea who they were talking about. I've already seen enough Jim Carrey nude nudity for this movie. I don't need him to do it again. Hey, oh, that's pretty good, Dad. You guys go to the same acting school? How not to orgasm? That's what I would call the name of that class.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

Yeah, not a yeah, we don't know it. There you go.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

Also, the emptiest police station. Here's one thing I will say about this movie. They did not pay for extras. Every place they go is empty except for the necessary people. This is not how you build a world. Let me just throw that out there. If he goes to a police office a police station, there should be other people there working, unless he's the only person working. He's alone in a hallway. He meets our young guy at one point in the evidence room or something, and he goes to the police captain's office. There's nobody anywhere else in this building.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

It's wild. Right, Chief. I guess.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

I don't know. I don't know why or how that matters. Yep. Right. Right. And I don't know who these people are. Even after seeing this movie, I don't know what their positions are or who they yeah, I don't get it.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

The pecking order, yeah. Yeah. Oh, so good. Okay, yeah, you're coming up with uh rules. Yeah, that's good. Okay. All right. Great, that's great. This is my favorite part of the movie, Dan. Continue, no, if it's finishing, I'll tell you.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

Also, who did did they not arrest anyone then? Is that what the implication is? Okay, I just couldn't tell because at one point they're like, I know he's dirty, blah blah blah, and it's like, but so did he put a bad guy? Did he just let it go? I didn't understand. Um okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

All right.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

A couple of days? Yeah, like very soon. Oh, I I didn't even realize they said a time frame. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:38

She's like, not like this. I can't go out like this. Or something stupid.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

I don't know.

Missing Dialogue And Detective Logic

SPEAKER_00 30:50

No, for sure not. I he cares about some stuff, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, you know what I mean? Because he likes all this. He loves the sex. Yeah, he's into it. No, maybe yeah, because and this is just based off of the fact that three times throughout this movie, the bad guy's like, this is envy. So I was like, maybe that's what they're trying to go for, is that he's just mad he's not a part of this club. I don't know. Well, no, I mean he doesn't seem to care about anything whatsoever. He doesn't like his family, he doesn't like his job, he doesn't like his boss, he doesn't like his partner guy. He doesn't really like the girl that he sleeps with. He likes nothing.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Sure, but that that's irrelevant to his feelings. Sure, well yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:01

I'm here Yeah, no, never Do you mean when he was kidnapped by those people and made a robot or whatever, a clone? Is is that what's going on now? Is that what everyone's saying? Aren't people claiming that Jim Carrey's been like kidnapped and is a clone now or something?

SPEAKER_01 32:34

Alright. Okay. I'm sure. Pretending to be Jacque Okay, probably for sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Not it but not metal. You just mean like emotionally. Can you imagine if all of a sudden you could just become a robot? That'd be incredible. I would try to do that. Okay, I'm gonna have to look into this now tonight, then. A pizza like like Pizza the Hut from Space Boss? I'm in. I'm pretty much already there. So hold on. So this is my favorite part of the movie, and I haven't we haven't really talked about it. So this videotape that he's watching, in the corner of the video, it says the name Greger and like a date. And then they keep showing that two or three times, and then the young kid goes, Oh, is this Gregor? I was like, How are you a policeman? Get out of here, kid. It says it on the TV. You can read it, it's got a name tag for it. What are you doing? And that was the hardest I laughed all night.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

The cage, it does.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

We name them, but you gotta label it correctly, okay? Otherwise, people get confused which location we're at. So the what the reason this happened in real life is they were trying to decide if there was going to be multiple killers or if one person could do it. So they did like a test. Yeah. Exactly. Which is an interesting thing. They don't discuss this in the movie at all. They just drag him, and then Jim Carrey, laying limp, goes, Well, now we know one thing, and I laughed really hard at that, too. Easily. Easily. He looks like he's 12 years old. He's uh he's a very small individual, and Jim Carrey is not a small individual.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

But I don't understand why, to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

Like I get that, but either did Gregor, and he's now the captain or the chief. So how does one guy go down and the other guy goes up when they worked on the same case? I don't understand that. Sure. I get all yes, I agree, but that's not what happened here. So I don't understand this division. At one point, the wife was says exactly what you said should happen, and she's she goes, Well, just don't forget who you are. And I don't know who he is. You know what I mean? At that point, it's like, but who is he? Because so far he seems the same beginning to end to me. I don't I don't see a single change. So I don't know if he was he like supposedly turned dark or something after this case didn't get solved, maybe. I don't know. I thought maybe you would know. So I guess we'll just move on. They give us nothing except for the Gregor tape and the cage. They label those very nicely for you. Until she dies alone. That was my third laugh of the movie, by the way, when he walks in there, and I was like, oh, she's dead. She's so dead, dude. Oh I didn't know where we were at first. So here's here, I'll be honest with you. That was a bit of a I was being a little uh judgy there. So when so he opens the door to that apartment and he covers his nose and it's like, oh, somebody's dead. Somebody's dead. I thought his wife and daughter were gonna be murdered, and I was like, oh shit, we are going dark, and then it was just his mom laying on the ground, and then I laughed really hard. So that's that's the trajectory of what happened. Um, because it had no bearing on the movie whatsoever. Listen, I we can. We absolutely can. But it's not because oh, his mom's dead. That's funny. It's because they they set it up earlier in the movie that she's gonna die alone. And then when it happens, it means nothing. He cries for 10 seconds and then he's like, Man, I'm gonna go to a sex dungeon. I don't understand what's happening, dad. Why is this even in the movie? Why does this matter?

Family Subplots That Go Nowhere

SPEAKER_01 38:26

It doesn't. That's what nothing. Nothing at all. Someone else will find her.

SPEAKER_00 38:50

Right. You never, I'm never rooting for him, just throughout the whole movie. And it gets worse, it gets worse, and then when she kills him, I'm like, I hope you can cover it up, because I'm not sad at all. Yeah, well, because he was the landlord. No, it's just some dude because they ask him why did you keep the tapes? And he's like, well, I like to watch.

unknown 39:24

What?

SPEAKER_00 39:26

How is that allowed? How first of all, how are these tapes not evidence? Because there was a murder. These are absolutely anything. And then no one's upset when he's like, I like to watch these women get tortured just on my own. Every once in a while, I'll pop one in with some popcorn and have a good night. Nobody's like, you're a weird dude. Everyone just agrees. It's like, okay, yeah, cool. Uh, we're gonna take them though. Oh my god, dude, this movie is insane.

SPEAKER_01 40:07

Right. No. You get to hear it a little.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

In the author's voice, so the author must have that guy must have just released it on like the internet to himself, I guess, just for fun. Which, by the way, not a good way to sell your book, so that's a bad move.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

Sure. Yep. Right. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 41:44

It's not only does it not sound like a book, but no offense to the actor who is in many things. I can't remember the guy's name, the place, Kozlov or whatever. He's not reading it like it's a book either. You know what I mean? Yes, exact. It's not you wouldn't find this shit on Audible.

SPEAKER_01 42:02

That's all I'm saying. Yeah. Sure, that would be good. And a book that could be written by somebody ever. Yeah. I get I get it, I get it. No, sir. Yeah. Kinda, yeah. I guess, yeah. Just to like check it out and, you know, get the sights and sounds and whatever. Yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_00 43:29

That's oh, another good laugh. Uh, what what does he say? He says something like, Some of the women are not thinking about sex at all. They're just thinking about how much their knees hurt or something. And I was like, what are we talking about here? This is crazy. I don't know. I I was thinking about how much my their knees hurt as well because I we used to play like knee hockey on indoors, you know, because you can't be standing up. Yes, you'd run on your knees and play a little. Like miniature hockey, and that used to just kill me. So I can't even. It's just a it's a small room. It's inside, you know? It's like your living room. So there's not enough room to play like full stand-up hockey. So when you go on your knees, it makes it seem bigger. Anyhow, all this to say is that their knees do hurt. It does all the above, you know what I mean? It's it hurts. Well, yeah, I mean, it slows you down so that you have more, it feels like you have more room. That's what I'm saying. It's all about perspective, Dan. Perspective. Um, so here's the part that bothers me about this, right? The the VHS is strobing. There's like strobe lights during this dog scene. And then we cut to Jim Carrey's face watching it, and his light is very slowly changing brighter, brighter, brighter, dimmer, dimmer, dimmer. It's just somebody on a light going up one step, up one step, up one step, down one step, down one step, but then it cuts to the screen and it's flash, flash, flash, flash. They don't match. He's not watching the tape. You gotta get your lighting down, guys. Drove me insane. I mean, how could I forget? Oh, fucking hell. Does he really? Hold on. Oh, he's got he's got McGregor. I love him. Halle Berry. Cause from the Anne Hathaway? Is that the one? Michelle Pfeiffer. Witch Catwoman. Anne Hathaway. I like I like both of them. Well, there's four if you count the television show. Maybe five. Was there two on the old show? I think there might have been yeah. Earth a kid Earth a Kid.

unknown 45:51

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_00 45:54

Okay, David Robert Mitchell. It follows. Under the silver leg. Ugh. Did not like that movie either. I mean no, it was pretentious. It was so pretentious.

SPEAKER_01 46:14

Right. What is his new one? Oh, the end of Oak Street.

Empty Sets And Evidence Nonsense

SPEAKER_00 46:25

Okay, got it. 2026. I see it. Have to deal with it. Alright. I mean, listen, I'll see it. I'll watch it. I'm seeing it because I like the actors involved. Uh, side note, I'm on his IMDB and it says he has a movie coming out soon called They Follow, which has to be a sequel to It Follows. I'm not seeing it. I'm not gonna do it. You can't trick me into it, Dan. We're so doomed. The movie was not great. Oh, sure, it looked great except for that mysterious light source out of nowhere. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:17

Out loud. Out loud. This is insane behavior, Dan. Yo bitch. Oh it's insane.

SPEAKER_00 47:50

Yeah, yeah, you're right about that. My favorite part is she just goes, Do we have to listen to this during breakfast? As if to me that's like at least wait till lunch. Like break it's too early for this sort of thing. Just got his his photos across the table while they're eating, looking at the crime scenes. Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 48:37

Right.

unknown 48:47

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 48:54

Christ. Oh, Christ.

SPEAKER_00 49:48

That's great. So, well, no, I that isn't, but I had a similar thought. There's a line that I found super confusing. I think I wrote it down. Let me let me look at the notes that I never look at. Um, so this dude, Kozlov, is like, yeah, I used to go to the cage with a bunch. I used he's like, I used to have sex with the women and a bunch of cops from your precinct. Something like that. And I was like, wait, is he fucking the cops? I I couldn't understand if he was sleeping with both the women and the men, or if he's saying, I slept with these women, and then also these cops also slept with this women. I thought it was more of like an everybody do an everybody situation. It wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 50:37

Sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:51

Yeah, because he like he never came to me, you know, and except for when he needed. I don't know. I yeah. It was interesting, but it's not, because it mean all of it means nothing.

SPEAKER_01 51:19

Right. Yeah. No. Doesn't change anything.

SPEAKER_00 51:35

Or yeah, because you don't want to be under ninety. You know, you gotta you gotta at least hit the ninety mark to be considered a movie.

SPEAKER_01 51:48

Sure. So funny.

SPEAKER_00 51:59

Yeah, no, I yeah, I think it is gr yeah, I think that's right. Because it's the same gated uh driveway thing. Didn't know who he was when we first see him. Not a clue. Yeah. Is this the part where he got shoot off by the police, though? That part was pretty funny. Yeah, and then the police come up and they're like, you have no business here, sir. It's like, what the fuck is happening? So stupid. Sure, of why the police would be paying attention in at all to this house.

SPEAKER_01 52:46

Yeah.

Sex Club Scenes And Technical Mistakes

SPEAKER_00 52:51

Because here's the thing, Dan. They make a big so what guy? What was the guy's name that we said? Captain? No, you said general. Sergeant, sergeant, thank you. Major. Okay. So Sgt keeps making a big deal about Jim Carrey going up against Gregor. He's like, oh, you want to face off against Gregor? But they never have like moments until the car two hours into the 90-minute movie. And yeah, that's what it feels like. There should be more head-to-head action. Like, this guy should be mad at Jim Carrey for going or reopening his case if it's gonna get him in trouble. So there should be way more head-to-head. Like, he should know Jim Carrey's outside of his house right now. He should be like, hey, he's watching me, get him out of there. You know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 53:45

There should be something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:41

Well, he's definitely doing drugs. I'm just gonna throw this out here. That Jim Carrey's definitely doing drugs in this movie.

SPEAKER_01 54:50

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, whoa. Whoa.

SPEAKER_00 55:04

Violation or becoming, you know what I mean? Yeah. If he's on a descent, then we should we should know that he's on a descent.

SPEAKER_01 55:25

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Great.

SPEAKER_00 55:42

That's a good that's nice, yes. Righteous indignation is a great kit trait for this character. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:51

Of course, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my bad, my bad, yo. Is she on drugs?

SPEAKER_00 56:12

I'm pale. I don't get to do drugs. Um, yeah, I Well, not me, because I don't have any money. Um, but I'll do I'll do all sorts of stuff for drugs, you know what I mean? Come just give me give me a few options. I'll do something. Um my knees are bad, damn. I tried to tell you that subtly before. Now I'm gonna have to put my foot down. I got bad knees. I can't do it. Sorry. I'm so sorry to let you down. I just don't understand. I just don't get I don't understand how he's immediately like, hey, you're on drugs. Where they come from? I haven't seen her do drugs. She's being very nice with her daughter, helping her with homework from what I can tell. Like, this doesn't look like a woman on drugs to me. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 56:59

That's what I'm saying. Very confused. Right. Great job.

SPEAKER_00 57:32

No, I didn't well yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 57:35

I got nothing.

SPEAKER_00 57:45

So and this is the most confusing part of the movie to me. Right? Cause no no, the next after this happens, the wife and then it vomits.

SPEAKER_01 58:01

Oh, he he's mad in this one, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:07

Yes, so this scene. So this scene, and then the next scene with the wife. So he goes to Sergeant, no, I already I can't major. Oh, that's right. But the the woman asks Jim at some point, he's like, she's like, is what he's saying true? No, no, no, when of his accusations of Jim Carrey beating him. Yes, is this true? Why would they think it's true? Because through so I just I know I'm just so confused.

SPEAKER_01 58:50

Cameras. Yeah. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 59:01

Right, somewhere different. And they bring them out as if nothing happened. I don't know what it's just so weird. He they question if it's real. It's like you would know one, but two, why would you think it's true? Because all through this movie, everyone's like, you're the last honest cop in Poland. That's a thing that's been that gets said like three times in this movie. Yeah, and they're like, oh, you're old school, you're honest, that's why Gregor doesn't like you. And it's like, I haven't seen that person at all. Please. I thought it's the opposite. Right. That's why I was confused. I wrote that down because the general, uh fuck, the major, the guy. The guy keeps telling him he's like, oh, you're old school, you're the last honest cop in Poland. I was like, those two things can't make sense together. If he's old school, he's bending the rules to get the bad guy. That's what we did. That's what we did all the time. I don't know. I'm so confused by everything in this movie.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:11

Well, sure, if you want it to make sense. No, he's not. Great, yeah. Yeah, no. Yeah, sergeant, sergeant, yep. Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. How exactly, how far are you willing to go to get this done?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:02

What are you doing, dude? That's not cool. Just bring her to a different room, it's not that hard.

Corrupt Cops Without Clear Stakes

SPEAKER_01 1:01:14

Sure, great. I don't know, yeah, it's bizarre. Something weird, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:48

Yeah. Wrong. We get to see Jim. We get to see good old Jim and his sweaty back. No, he doesn't show butt for some reason, but he does show back like that's been sprayed with a spray bottle of some sort because it's just glistening. Uh, and then you get to see, you know, front wily climaxes. It's a real treat for the the eyes and the ears. Yeah, why? Thank you. Because later she says, I know you were here. It's like, what do you mean? She needs to be like locking eyes with him for a little bit while he's watching. It's gotta be weird.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:33

Yeah. So weird. Yep. Just leaves. Yeah, as if that would work. Yep, how do you get out? How do you get out without them knowing? Don't matter. I they would disagree, Dan. Yeah, it's weird.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:22

Why and so she also questions him, and she says something weird like it was last time or something. Right, last time you said so. What does that mean? What happened? Why is he why did he get kicked off the force of it? Like essentially, I don't know. This movie did.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:52

So dangerous. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:00

What do I put? I put like a sweet hood ornament that's like a dragon coming out of my car, so you know it's me. What are you asking? License plate. Well, in Poland, I don't know because those numbers don't make any sense, Dan. I'm telling you right now, dude. Why doesn't he just pull his car sideways across and not let the car go through? Why does he parallel park his car? Takes good 90 degrees in and parallel park now and getting out of the stand in front of a car. You have a car. Just stop in the middle of the road. He'll run into you. I don't understand. Do anything. I can't believe he wasn't gonna stop for me. What are you talking about? This is the gate one. He's like, you know the ones I'm talking about. Those beautiful women whose gates open and their houses are so big. I was like, what? I don't know these women. I have no idea what you're talking about right now, guy. Nonsense. So weird.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:33

Right. Sure. What I haven't seen this sketch. What sketch is this? Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:20

All right. I've it's if anyone's curious, it's called Dysfunctional Family Dinner, Saturday Night Live. I'm gonna check that out later. Yeah. Which is that's how we got SNL.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:53

Nope. Nah, I'm just gonna drive him home.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:01

Which is all confusing to me, but it turns out she was right because he goes and sleeps with her, which is also very confusing. Why wouldn't you just let them like crash? If you're trying to protect them, why would you drive them home to the place they just said someone was watching? And then you just open the closet and you're like, nope, no monsters, so you're fine. See you later. What's happening? This is this doesn't make any sense to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:33

Unknowable reasons. Great, sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:45

There's tons of people. Oh well, not tons, two or three, two or three people. All we can afford.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:32

Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Where are we? Oh or safety words, yeah, whatever, yeah. Yeah. Is this it? Is this what you want?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:57

Right, but it would be hard to believe because the way he winds up is, first of all, I don't know if you've ever slapped somebody, but you don't wind up close to your face because this is not an appropriate angle. You go wide with it so you have as much momentum to swing across their face. He's doing this weird, like, push slap thing that wouldn't hurt anybody. She's not enjoying this. She's like, you suck at this guy. Get out of my house.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:25

Uh, super weird.

Final Twist And What It Implies

SPEAKER_00 1:09:31

Okay, yeah, this is what I've been waiting for this whole time. We get to have a nice. We get this is for sure why Jim signed up for the movie. He was like, oh, people will finally see a different side of me. So we get this frontal shot from like, you know, it's a uh mid-close, right? So it's like chest up, kind of right in his face, and he's just going to town. And he climaxes right on screen for us. I mean, and it's so real. No! No, it's it's one. There was no, so this is a scene that like I need to see character development, and not in a good way, in a bad way. This needs to become depraved, right? Right, exactly. Like, I'm I need some saliva coming down, like he's going, he's feral, right? But instead, it's just Jim Carrey having sex. Like, I this is I don't it's so weird and uncomfortable for me. Um, because it's yeah, it's just like this is just this is just kind of regular. I don't understand why I'm seeing this. This should this should be a pivotal moment in his character going to the dark side, and it's it's nothing. It's literally nothing. But at least, you know, at least he gets some. Good for him. I don't understand it. I don't understand why either of them are doing it, to be completely honest, but okay. But she doesn't. She's the bad guy, technically, or the good guy. I think I look at it as she's the good guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:20

I don't know. Yeah, because it's the first moment of him showing aggression.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:41

That's it. Because it's supposed to, it's supposed to have built from the sex. So he's this this is what I'm saying. So the sex scene is right. That's supposed to be his turning point where all of a sudden he's letting out these animal instincts that were in there all along. And so now he's, you know, he's being aggressive in the interrogation and he's being a real jerk, but he's not really. Yeah, he lets him go because you know, stuff. I got really confused Yeah, yeah, that seems 'cause she seems to be against it and he seems to be doing it anyhow. Um which is confusing again, 'cause like w why Right, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:40

Good. Right. Correct. Yeah. I guess because then they arrest both of them, I believe. Right? Yeah. Correct.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:28

Right, which is I don't well, I agree with him, because nothing has changed. Nothing is different. He also says something like, uh, nobody you got me, but nobody cares, or something. I was so confused by his speech.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:48

Sure, great.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:53

But are they? Because also it just seems like nobody cares. I I'm genuinely confused. I'm super confused by this whole thing because then now she's starting it back up. So are these rich people even in control? Like what's happening? That's what I'm saying, but that's just not possible. Like that doesn't make sense to to say. It's almost offensive for to me to say that. But I don't I'm just so confused, dude. This movie's wild.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:34

Right. This is crazy. Well say what happens next. Right. Why how? Why? What?

SPEAKER_00 1:15:10

What do you mean? Sure, but I thought the woman was the next person in rank. How so I don't know. I don't know. We don't know. But you don't know that. We don't know. There's no it doesn't tell us. Also, what are you talking about? This was your plan the whole time. What is this what does that mean? What did what did he know? Is he part of the sex thing? I don't understand any of it. And also, what Jim Carrey's evidence he brought forward is, hey, Kozlov was out of town when the murder happened. You didn't no one's ever checked that? I don't you've been chasing him for like three years, kinda. No one checked that Kevin Costner.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:17

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:31

Send the thousand hour machine. It's just so weird. It it doesn't make any sense. He's out he's not even in town, and there's apparently a newspaper that tells you that. That's what? What are you talking about? Insanity. That's the worst plot twist in the history of movies.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:57

No, yeah, because he has to give it to a reporter for that to happen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:09

Is that what you think that's what he's feeling? I didn't understand. I was like, okay, yeah, that's the mother or the father of her child, right? I don't know. I guess I don't know for sure. I I made that assumption, but they never say that, so I I could be wrong. I don't know. Right. Okay. Yeah, it's a river. It flows one way. I get it. I know what a river is.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:04

Yeah, and then she died on just on the f floor of her living room somehow. Yeah, because it's a it's a shot through the living room into the bedroom, and he sits down on the bed, the TV's in the foreground, and then it's like talking, talking, and he lays down in bed. Um, because his wife and daughter have left him. And also, I just want to point out that I'm pretty sure I'd put it 80% that this is the exact same TV from the mother's house. I think the mother's house TV that was static y is the exact same TV that he has in his house that is playing the news. I didn't know, I just think that they only had one TV for production. Yeah, it'll be fine. Don't worry about it. It's the same room, yeah. Don't worry about it, guys. Just move the couch from left to right, it'll be fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:49

Yeah. Right, and that's understandable, you know? That's fine with me. I don't know. Yeah, he loved her and he covered up the murder for her. Great.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:18

I don't even know if that's what they're saying. It sounds like she has tons of options, but this is the most lucrative? That's almost what it made it sound like to me. I don't know, Dan. I don't that's true. I'm I don't live in Poland. I don't know what the uh the economy's like in Poland, but I also don't know what the message of the movie is, but I think it's weird. Either way, no matter what the answer is, I think it's weird.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:47

No. Jim Carrey's beard is nice. Yeah, it's not great.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:02

It's not great. I hope that he was acting. You know what I mean? I mean, listen, I shouldn't say I'm sure mine's terrible. You know what I mean? So I get it.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:12

I shouldn't judge it. I'm sorry. Oh, come on, baby. Now, did you realize that he was dead right away?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:35

It took me a minute to understand what was happening. I was like, did he fall asleep? Wait, no, he dead. He dead. He's for sure dead. The what? The what? So you could take that cookie and stick it up your yeah! I thought you were doing the song, so I was doing it with you. You're blowing up, you're popular. This was Dad, this was awful. This was so bad and confounding and uh unwatchable. Just bad stuff all around.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:32

Yeah. It's a lot of gloom, a lot of doom and gloom in this.

What We Actually Enjoyed This Week

SPEAKER_00 1:22:40

So we I don't know. I this is not a movie that I think should be made. I don't know. It wasn't good on any level. Nope, nope, we've spent too much time on this movie already. I was gonna wait till we're closer to the World Cup because I was like, oh, because it's about World Cup. But no one's gonna care, Dan. Nobody cares. Let's let's give the let's give Todd what he wants because he's our only fan. Um I told you that we have three fans. We got through, well, they're not throwing out ideas, all right? Todd's full of ideas. Yeah, he told he messaged both of us, didn't he? Or was it just me? I guess I don't know either. I don't pay enough attention either. You have a lot of friends that do a lot of talking, Dan. Have you noticed that? What does that say about you, you think? You're a great listener, and we appreciate you. You're a shoulder, and we love it. No, Todd's the best. Well, we should gotta talk about things we like this week first, Dan, and then we'll get to the movie. I'll go first, yeah, because this is still my choice, I think. Um so we watched Scream 7, and it was good. It was it was it was very fun. I did not care for the reveal. I thought it was the weakest of the series, but I thought it was very, very fun up until then. Um yeah, yeah, good. And she's dude, she's fucking great. She's awesome. Um I do. Oh god, yeah. She's great. Cindy Prescott's one of the best characters ever, one, but in horror franchises, she's my number one. She's I think she's better than Jamie Lee Curtis, but that's just me. Um, anyhow, it was it was very fun. I had a great time. It is one I will re-watch, um, unlike six. But uh um it's fine. It was very yeah, I had a good time. I had a really good time. It was great. And then the other thing I want to say is uh American Gladiators dropped their first three episodes, the renewal last night. I have not watched it yet, but I'm so excited for this, Dan. That's it. I'm just so pumped. So next week, hopefully, I'm saying the thing I enjoyed was American Gladiators, because otherwise it means it wasn't good, and then I'll be heartbroken.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:45

Oh boy. Okay, okay. Okay. No. Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:35

His chocolate's pretty good. I will say that. I do enjoy them. Pretty good, that's all. Oh, yeah. Got it at 7 Eleven the other day. No, they were on an end cap at 7 Eleven, and I had my buffalo chicken rollers in my hand, and I was like, I could use some chocolate. So I just grabbed the first thing that I saw, and it was uh their Rice Krispie type one. It was pretty good.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:01

Yeah. Sure. Yeah, it's on the bar.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:17

No, for sure not. I feel like we probably should, because it might be right up our alley, but I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:32

Okay, so is traitors, great. Oh, it's so many people. Oh, right. Sure. Okay, interesting. A hundred percent, yeah. Sure. Right. Yeah. Right, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:26

Yeah, right. I probably will just keep it. I just want to throw that out mostly just me.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:37

Yeah, yeah. Right. A hundred percent, yeah. That's me right there, come on now. Okay, interesting. All right. That makes sense, yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:31

Cause I'm not I'm not sure if this actually works, so tell me if this works, please. Please tell me it works.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:37

Yeah. Well, I mean, we don't know, so we wouldn't be good for that, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:55

Yeah. Yeah. Correct. Sure. I wonder I wonder what it is, yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. Okay. Interesting. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, as you do. Or could have in that scenario. Yeah. Yeah. So weird. Sure, yeah. Yeah.

The Influencer Career Problem

SPEAKER_00 1:32:20

Yeah, so this this actually brings up a really interesting thing that we don't talk about in here because it's unnecessary. But this whole like movement nowadays that everyone wants to be an influencer. Everybody wants to be an influencer. I don't want to be an influencer because I'm like, eventually that stops. Right? Like, you're gonna age out of your demographic. You're gonna like your audience is gonna change. Eventually, people aren't going to want to see you anymore. And now what do you have after that? Nothing. Because you haven't, you don't have a job. It's not like you've been building a resume. You can't just go get a regular job now at like 35 years old after you did 10 years of influence. So I just it's just a really interesting, it's not it's not yet a career. I don't know how where we where that becomes a career. You know what I mean? Like people use it as a career, but there's no future in it. And that's that's an interesting thing to me. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:18

I don't even know who that is. Should I know who that is? Ugh, no. Sure, I do remember that. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:43

And then what happens? I'm not gonna vote for him. I'll tell. I'll tell you that. Yeah, I don't know. I just, it's something I've been thinking about a lot. Not a lot, but like over the past few years. Just like everybody wants to do that, but then what? What's the next step after that? Because that's not you don't retire on that, you know? I don't know. If yeah, I mean, if you make it to the top 5% of that, and you are and you are smart enough to save and do your own retirement plan and you know, whatever, you can make it work. But 95% of those people aren't gonna get to that level. They might be able to make a living, you know, like even a comfortable living for 10, 15 years, but then what happens? You know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:40

For sure. Yeah, that's probably true. Right? So, like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Oh, sure, okay. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:40

And you should be scared. I like I don't blame him for being scared. You gotta figure out what that next thing is, and it doesn't I don't maybe it's not working, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:48

I don't know. Sure. Yeah. So shows nice we get it, we get it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Creators And The Gear Perfection Trap

SPEAKER_00 1:36:58

Oh, yeah, that's gonna look great. It's gonna look beautiful. I wonder what kind of lenses they got. Are they using the ingenue lenses? I mean, like, what's going on? How much money do you put in your your camera gear? I feel the same way because I there's I went through a period of time after Groundlings where I was like, I want to shoot my own sketches, but I was like, uh, my camera gear is not good enough to make it look as good as I want, which is an asinine thing to think when you're putting something on YouTube. Doesn't effing matter, guys. You can shoot it on a phone and it's gonna be fine. Um hundred percent. And it's fine, it's fine, nobody even cares. But I in my head I was like, I don't have enough money to rent the gear that I want to make it look the way that I want it to, so I never did anything. Crazy. That's crazy. So I get it, is what I'm saying. Good for him.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:56

Yeah, well. Sure. Well, sure. Yeah. I mean, that is what you'd want. I mean, I mean, if I had infinite money, I would just get a bunch of them and I would shoot everything. You know, it would look fucking amazing. It would look like a gosh darn movie, all right.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:18

Correct.

Next Watch Pick And Sign Off

SPEAKER_00 1:38:23

You, I mean, first of all, you can buy them. It's not like you can't buy them, they are astronomically expensive. It makes no sense to buy the only way, the only time you'd ever buy one is if you are renting it out. You would be like, I'm gonna use it for my own projects, but I'm also gonna rent it out to people so eventually it pays for itself because it's hundreds of thousands, right? So it's not that you can't, but you wouldn't. That would be crazy. Um, but so yeah, that you everyone, even like movies, big movie studios, they they rent that shit. They they use, yeah, you don't you don't buy them, it's crazy. Always, always, because you you're never gonna, yeah. Anyhow, doesn't matter, but yeah, yeah, yeah. You rent it, you rent it. Oh, that's right. Speaking of, I'm sure we're shot on an Aria Lexa, uh, or a Tony Venice. These are all great cameras. Um, listen, we're doing the new Amazon Prime banger. Uh we're we're kind of just poor Mark Wahlberg. I feel like we're picking on him a lot. But it's be it's out of love. I love Mark Wahlberg. Um I don't I don't think I love his co-star, which is Paul Walter Hauser. I know that he was good in that serial killer show that I watched one time and will never watch again in my entire life, but since then I have not been impressed. So this will be a good He's not Hannibal, but he was uh hold on. Let me let me look it up because I don't it's been so long. It's like Blackbird or Sparrow or it's a bird of some sort. He's the bad guy in Blackbird, or a bad guy. Here he is, right here. Blackbird. He's got like weird mutton chop mustache thing. Um, anyhow, he was also in The Naked Gun, the remake of Naked Gun. He was the chubby sidekick cop, and I just didn't think he was funny at all. So he's um I'm any what am I saying? So we are watching Balls Up. I got sidetracked. Um this is shout out to Todd. Todd brought this to our attention as well. I have been waiting for it. I'm very excited about it. Uh, but balls up on Amazon Prime. Do you yeah, the yes. They go to the World Cup and they mess up uh a Brazil goal, and then Brazil is trying to kill them, essentially. That seems to be what it's about. I I think that we can all hope. We can all uh it seems like a fun little premise. The the other part is it's about a condom that covers the balls, and that's why it's balls up. Um, but you'll see it when you watch the movie. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:18

Correct, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's on Amazon. Yeah. Sooner than you thought, Dan. Immediately. Balls up.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:44

Yep. I think I don't think there's a it might be a pornographic movie called Balls Deep. In the cage. Oh God. Well, we'll see you next week, everybody. That's right, balls up, stay safe, everybody. Goodbye, everybody. Uh