Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Transformers The Last Knight: Less Than Meets the Eye
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Knights, Nazis, submarines, and a three-headed robo-dragon walk into a Transformers sequel… and somehow the wildest ingredients still feel weightless. We dig into Transformers: The Last Knight to figure out why the VFX slap while the story slips, how the Arthurian hook gets buried under MacGuffins, and where the franchise lost the character charm that made the first film sing. We compare Shia’s live-wire energy to Mark Wahlberg’s steady center, debate Cogman’s C-3PO-adjacent chaos, and explain why Anthony Hopkins turning exposition into mischief nearly steals the movie.
From the medieval prologue to a London chase that forgets who’s in which car, we track the editing choices that drain tension and the dialogue tics that mistake “joke density” for personality. The TRF heel turn, the Witwiccan lore tangle, and Optimus Prime’s mind-controlled pivot to Nemesis Prime get a clear-eyed autopsy. We also spotlight what works: Bumblebee’s mid-fight reassembly is kinetic and clever, the robot silhouettes are finally readable, and the sound design keeps even thin scenes feeling huge. When Bumblebee briefly regains his voice, you glimpse the beating heart this franchise can still find—if the script lets it.
If you love franchise archaeology, blockbuster craft talk, and a fair share of roast with your reverence, you’ll feel at home. We sketch the version that might have landed: fewer MacGuffins, real consequences, a focused treasure trail for Vivian’s historian skills, and a talisman that pays off a character arc rather than a single slow-motion block. By the end, we answer the big question: underrated chaos or unwatchable noise?
Enjoy the ride, then tell us your pick for the series’ last truly good entry. Subscribe, drop a review, and share this one with a friend who still quotes “more than meets the eye.”
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Nobody talks about this movie, do they?
SPEAKER_01:We talk about it on Reddit, Dan. That's what I found out. I did a lot of Reddit research. There's a lot of talk about the Transformer series on there. Jesus Christ. Pluses and minuses, you know, ranking. This generally ranks last in on everyone's list. What? I know. Weird. Weird. It's so good. What were people thinking?
SPEAKER_00:Dan and Tony.
SPEAKER_02:Welcome to AWatching with Dan and Tony.
SPEAKER_01:I'm Dan. Dan, I'm Tony. I thought you were gonna forget that part. I was worried.
SPEAKER_02:My wife talks about all the stuff I forget. She's all like. I was just telling you that. I was like, maybe.
SPEAKER_01:Maybe I can't I can't disprove it. So I guess you're right. Does she ever manipulate you? Because this is what my wife does, Dan. This is a true story. She makes me believe that she told me things that she knows that she hasn't told me because she knows I'm not smart enough to remember whether or not she told me. So I fold. I fold like a cheap napkin, and then she just she just wins. It's ridiculous. It's called gaslighting. She's very good at it, and I can't prove it one way or the other. But she's admitted it to me. I just don't know when it's happening.
SPEAKER_02:Unfortunately, in our relationship, I do that to Shandon.
SPEAKER_01:That's you're the gaslighter.
SPEAKER_02:I'm the gaslighter. And with my my extensive acting skills, which I've picked up through years of improv.
SPEAKER_01:Years and years and years.
SPEAKER_02:She's saying no. I can bamboozle her because she never knows what's what's truth and what's lies.
SPEAKER_01:A hundred percent.
SPEAKER_02:Yep.
SPEAKER_01:You're a mystery.
SPEAKER_02:It's all lies mostly.
SPEAKER_01:You're saboteur.
SPEAKER_02:So each week we talk about a movie and in our lives.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, sometimes, because people want to know. People are so curious what these two lovable losers are up to. Oh boy.
SPEAKER_02:Um, oh, and this week I picked the movie. I was like, we watched that movie last week, which you enjoyed, and I was I left once. Strange Willow. We need to find a movie that that we could both hopefully hate. And you know, so I dug to the bottom of the barrel and I I busted out the fifth Transformers movie, Transformers, the Last Night.
SPEAKER_01:You really just jumped into just a madhouse, by the way. It's ridiculous.
SPEAKER_02:I saw the first movie. Great. Probably when it came out, and I don't think I've seen any of them since.
SPEAKER_01:So I was on a mission to watch all five this week. I made it to two and a half, and it was last night at 11 o'clock. I was like, I guess I should just start the fifth one because I'm not gonna make it. I've got five hours left in these movies. Uh so then I just jumped to the last one, and I feel like four was fairly important to the flip the plot of five. But that's what I think.
SPEAKER_02:People said that four did, you know, like this was sort of a repeat of stuff that happened in four. And I'm like, how could this be a repeat of things that happened in another movie? Because I mean, if you sat through any of this stuff twice, I I just feel like you'd be even more confused, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think I think you're right about that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I've you know uh okay, uh two hours and thirty-four minutes. I'm gonna start by saying the things that I didn't have much problem with. Special effects, special effects, thought we're good.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. Of course, of course, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I thought they were better than the first the first movie, everything felt very noisy as I remember it, and you really couldn't keep track of any of the Transformers. These ones, you could fairly keep track of you know who's where and what they didn't they're not just turning into cables and like five movies and 15 years.
SPEAKER_01:They've they figured that out. Great job, guys. Plus, plus one.
SPEAKER_02:Um the acting? I thought the acting was fine.
SPEAKER_01:It's fine. I don't love Mark in the role.
SPEAKER_02:He didn't bother me at all. I never mean never once did I never once did I say he's the problem.
SPEAKER_01:Well, no. Yeah, okay. I understand what you're saying. He's not the problem. But comparatively, and I don't know if I'm in the majority or the minority on this, but watching the first two and a half, Shaya is a bright point. He's great in these movies.
SPEAKER_02:He's a good actor.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he's got uh so this made me very sad. We went on like a Shia LaBeouf rabbit hole, and things aren't going well for him. I feel so bad. Did you read about New Orleans? Yeah, we did. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:One of Shannon's friends in New In New Orleans, standing there, his Shia LaBeouf getting in the first fight. Oh man.
SPEAKER_01:I was like, Is there any chance right? I mean, come on. Is there any chance that they provoked him and like upset him?
SPEAKER_02:Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. And then he saw him again the next day wandering around causing more problems.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, he's just in like a real dark place. He's just out there like looking for a fight. It's so sad. Uh, anyhow, let's not get sad. He's great in the Transformers movies. Yeah, he's so he's so funny, he's likable, and he's he is remarkably good at acting against nothing, which is a which is a huge skill. And that's my only problem. Problem's too strong, but I think that's Mark's weak point. When he's with humans, I think he's just fine. I don't think he is as believable when he's talking just to the robots. I would love to do, if I could, a side by side of Shia talking to Optimus and then Mark talking to Optimus, so you can feel what I'm saying. There's a difference. Uh, he's wonderful and I do miss him. Um, but I did not think that the acting drug it down, as you say.
SPEAKER_02:That's the that's the point. And for for your point, I don't feel like they ever really interacted with the robots.
SPEAKER_01:There's it's not much, and I imagine that's why. I imagine they're like, well, got it, we'll keep them as separate as possible because it doesn't. I don't believe that. I don't believe that.
SPEAKER_02:This movie really needed to be three and a half hours long.
SPEAKER_01:I don't I disagree. Because I would not have sat through the whole thing.
SPEAKER_02:No, I mean, but it but the thing about this movie is whenever anything sort of starts happening, within seconds it's over. And then moved on. Yeah, that's correct.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean we set it up, knock it down, set it up, knock it down, set it up, knock it down, and we just keep we just keep cruising. Yeah, you're right. We don't live in anything.
SPEAKER_02:We don't, we don't live. There's like this one scene in the middle of the movie where the the Transformers help them fight the Nazis, and it's the scene is probably like three and a half minutes long or something.
SPEAKER_01:They just wanted to put some Nazis in the movie. That's all it is.
SPEAKER_02:And I fell asleep a couple of times during this movie. At one point I fell I fell asleep at the part where he was running away running away from the the government in the church, and then I woke up on the Nazis, and I was like, I have missed a lot. I missed a lot because I didn't realize it was the past. I was like, whoa, Nazis are back.
SPEAKER_01:Present day Nazis. Yeah, that would be fun. That would be good.
SPEAKER_02:Um yeah, the problem with this movie is the editing and the writing.
SPEAKER_01:Sure. I mean the writing's bad, right? Let's just let's just say it right low. The writing is bad.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I don't think the the plot plotting and the dialogue. Dialogue.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, correct. So story by and written by, both of those are weak points, uh, as you say. And I mean, like, so again, I watched two and a half. Um one is like I would consider a good blockbuster. It's fun, it's big, it's loud, yeah. It it doesn't make a hundred percent sense, of course not, but it's it's entertaining, it's funny. I it's good. Two, it gets a little weird, um, but it's still fun, it's still very fun, but it's a huge step down from one, and then three, dark and the moon. I actually think it's back up towards the middle of the two, like it gets a little bit better. The characterizations are back. They drop Megan Fox, which is unfortunate. Um, we don't have to talk about all that, that would be a huge thing. But all of those feel at least like movies to me. Yeah, and like this doesn't quite feel like a movie to me. This just feels like a lot of shit going on for the fun of it, you know, which is fine. I'm not against it, but it doesn't feel like a real movie to me.
SPEAKER_02:Well, and and there's there's never any jeopardy about anything. You know, you're you're just like, you know, they introduce the British lady and then like we don't go back to her for an hour or something.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, a long time to her and her old biddies. Is that what they say? Or is that bad?
SPEAKER_02:You could say that, but I was just saying, oh.
SPEAKER_01:Is that a negative connotation? Biddies? Yeah, yeah. What's that mean?
SPEAKER_02:Not horrendously negative, but it's you know, it's it's sort of you're sort of diminishing them. You're just like stupid old biddies.
SPEAKER_01:Is an informal derogatory term for an older woman. That is how I meant it, though. So I guess I'm just being a jerk. No, no, no. They're they're old bitties because they're they're they're up in business and they don't really have to be able to do it. Uh in her business being like, find a man, find a man. Here's one that has a dungeon. Oh boy. The one thing, Dan, the one thing that all these movies have in common is I don't know if it's the writers or if it's Michael Bay. Someone's got a very weird sense of humor, and like it's very sexual for no reason. Even in the original three that I was talking about, his mom, Shia Elbuff's mom in it at one point talks about how she's gonna skinny dip in a hot tub. And it's there's just like weird sexual jokes that don't need to be there. They really don't, but they're always there.
SPEAKER_02:You mean amongst like the children at the beginning where the one kid is like being super weird towards the girl?
SPEAKER_01:It's like, okay. Doesn't need to be there, just take that right out, just rewrite that for normal dialogue and you you'll be fine. I don't I don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, yeah, because usually I write you write stuff like that down, but at this thing, there's it just keeps, you know, they're always doing it, and you're just like, Yeah, why are we why are we here? I mean, what yeah, it it does feel like a very particular stupid universe. You know?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It it doesn't feel like you know, you have a script writer sitting there going, like, well, this is how humans talk. They're like, no, it in the Transformers world, everybody. This is how we communicate. Yes. Yep. This is this is communication. It's it's based on on human language and whatnot, but it's very different.
SPEAKER_01:And it seems to have devolved. Like one is it's it's there, but it's not blatant, it's not all in your face, but you watch it and there's there's moments where you're like, that's a little weird. That's a little weird. And then the second one, I was like, Whoa, this is super weird. And then it just keeps going from there. Uh like it's just they stuck in that mode where they're like, Yeah, we found our stride. This is where we want to be.
SPEAKER_02:They've established their voice. They're they're like, Well, this is it. This is what this is what Michael likes to do. This is where we live. Yeah, we're gonna keep feeding these lines to Michael. Michael is not going to use the uh the red pen to get rid of him. He is going to highlight them. If he laughs behind the camera, then they keep it.
SPEAKER_01:Like that must be what it is. Like, oh, okay. I like that his laugh is creepy. Good. Yeah, it's good. More. More, more, guys, more.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's just some editing things in here where you're just like, what what is what is happening? You know, and you don't know. They they don't they never want to define any, you know, it's like we we start the whole movie in England and oh, we'll start the movie. We start the movie, yeah. England, the dark ages, there's flaming balls flying out of the sky, hitting hitting one side or the other side. Right. At no point, okay. One side is the knights of the round table, the other side is barbarians, but bad, yes, something bad. Bad is bad. Yeah. But at no point do we understand good and bad. We don't, you know, like medieval back medieval wars, you started on the two hills, you came down and you fought in the valley. That's what happened. No, not this one, this one somehow our good guys are outnumbered 10 to 1. We never see that. We never we never see any 10 to 1. Our guys are wearing silver, their guys are wearing silver.
SPEAKER_01:But it's it's slightly different shades of silver, wouldn't you say?
SPEAKER_02:Okay, I not that I I could not at any point tell the difference between the good guys and the bad guys, except when the good guys were all on their horses in one clump, and then I wasn't even sure if the people around them were bad guys or they were heading towards bad guys.
SPEAKER_01:I wasn't surrounded. I don't know what's going on. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So this is and this is the problem with the movie, and you you never felt jeopardy for any, you know, it's like King Arthur's there, Lancelot's King Arthur might be there. I I'm not entirely sure.
SPEAKER_01:They mentioned Lancelot. He never said I'm Arthur. No one was ever like, hey, I'm Arthur, or nor were they like, Arthur, you know, but yeah, you assume it's the knights of the round table, you assume he was there.
SPEAKER_02:And you know, you put the beard on Arthur, you make him command people, you Lance Light, you go out there, you make him the sword guy, because I think he's the best fighter.
SPEAKER_01:You know, you Yeah, that's definitely what it was.
SPEAKER_02:You you divide up, you divide up the labor so that we can be like, oh, look out, Rancelot. We don't want to lose him. He's our best guy. If our big guy, best guy goes down, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. But or pitch, here's my alternate pitch. Don't do that. And then you're fine. All right, Dan. I think I found the problem here. I've been doing a little research here. You've been doing research. Um, yeah, yeah. I've been doing some research while you were talking. Yep. Okay. Wow. So there's three people that are credited with writing this movie. Who knows how many actually wrote on it? Of course. Two of them a guy named Art Markham and Matt Holloway. They seem to be writing partners. Now they wrote the screenplay for Iron Man, the original Iron Man, which is great, which is obviously how they got into this line of business, right? That'll get to work. They wrote Transformers of Last Night, then they wrote Men in Black International, then they wrote Uncharted together, then they wrote Craven the Hunter together. So that is two, three movies that we've done out of the six movies they've written. So listen, let's stop giving let's maybe take a pause and stop giving them money to write things because it's not going so good.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, Craven the Hunter. Wow. Great. I don't remember what happened in that movie, but it didn't. I I remember his Yeah, it's not good.
SPEAKER_01:I don't remember what it was.
SPEAKER_02:His uh his uh movement through time didn't make any sense either.
SPEAKER_01:As I that is correct, yeah. So um there you go. There's a glaring hole right there.
SPEAKER_02:And they wrote the Uncharted, which I think they're making a second one.
SPEAKER_01:Really? It made did it make money?
SPEAKER_02:That's great. I don't know, but I could have sworn I read somewhere that they were making a I mean, you know, Hollywood, they could have been like, we're making it. Oh, now we're not making it because time has passed.
SPEAKER_01:Um time has passed because Uncharted was 2022. That's four years ago. It's gotta come out now, it's gotta be this year. Or in 13 years. Or that. Yeah, when Mark's too old to be in it. Got it.
SPEAKER_02:Um, okay, so they're losing, they're 10 down 10 to 1 or 1 to 10. Uh, they need Merlin to do his thing. Who plays Merlin?
SPEAKER_01:Stanley Tucci.
SPEAKER_02:I didn't know that until I looked it up.
SPEAKER_01:I didn't know that until the credits rolled, and Stanley was like the fourth name. And I was like, what are you talking about? He wasn't in this movie, so I had to look it up, and sure enough, I guess he was Merlin. And then I was and then I felt, you know what, that makes sense because I did laugh at Merlin's drinking thing. He's like, oh, a nip, one more nip, or whatever he did. I don't know. But it was funny. So, you know, you get someone who's good at life and put him in the movie, and he'll do something entertaining.
SPEAKER_02:So he's gonna go get the help. The help is in the the Transformers ship that's crashed somewhere. He goes up there and there is a red robot, and the red robot initially tries to kill him, but then they sort of they sort of talk to each other and they're like, You've helped me help me before. And I'm like, Oh, okay. And it's very jokey. We need your help, I beg of you, and he's like the robot's like, okay, here's this staff, here's this magic staff, and here's this dragon, and you're like, What does the staff do? Doesn't it really explain what the staff does? Magic. It does magic. Yeah, and at no point does it do magic. Well, it glows. Staffs don't usually glow, Dan. Okay. Well, I mean, if they were lost in the dark, yeah, maybe, maybe that would have meant something. Um, and we have this this super cool dragon. We have this cool metal dragon. I'm like, cool, metal dragon. Metal dragon flies over there, just sort of indiscriminately turns on its side and creams a bunch of guys.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Cut over.
SPEAKER_01:Well, yeah, it flew off somewhere. It was, you know, as dragons do. Ooh. Ooh. They the movie How to Train Your Dragon hadn't come out yet. So it's not a trained dragon. It just flew off into the sunset.
SPEAKER_02:I I mean, Game of Thrones had more dragon action in a TV show than this movie has. They sure did. You know, you think about like the there's that one in Game of Thrones where they they pull they bring out the dragon and the dragon like kills that whole army. You're just like, oh yeah, that's why that's why you got a dragon. Because you drag them kill a whole army. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:This one or one maneuver just fly away. He comes back at the end and does a almost the same move if you think about it, really. Now he turns on his side and like tackles Metatron or whatever. So Megatron. Um, did he have three heads initially? I so great question. When he comes at the end of the movie and he has three heads, I was surprised. I'm not I not enough to go back and look, because I I won't do that to myself, but I was surprised. I'll say that.
SPEAKER_02:That's what I figured. So that's it. Uh I wrote they won question mark, because I'm assuming they won.
SPEAKER_01:Just because of, you know, history.
SPEAKER_02:History. Yeah, we know that they they didn't lose because King Arthur, you know, went on to found England.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, is that what he did? No, never he's not real. Wait. Yeah, he's real. He's real. Are they not real? They're completely made up? Fictitious? That's a bummer.
SPEAKER_02:Him and Robin Hood. They would uh you know hang out.
SPEAKER_01:Wow, no, Robin Hood's real. I've seen the Kevin Costner movie. Robin Hood is real.
SPEAKER_02:Um, yeah, I mean the the the woman in the movie, Vivian, she even says it. Oh, he's a mix of this and this, and he's not real.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but then she's proven wrong. So there you go, Dan. Don't tell me what's going on.
SPEAKER_02:Now we do a 1600-year time skip. Optimus Prime is in space, frozen, frozening along. Frozen, frozen, frozen.
SPEAKER_01:And we don't know why. I assume that happened in the last movie, but we don't know why, Dan. I was very confused.
SPEAKER_02:We have a voiceover that says Megatron is gone, he's vanished. But he's not gone because he's in this movie.
SPEAKER_01:So I again super confused.
SPEAKER_02:They probably should have said Megatron's gone from sight, you know, under sure.
SPEAKER_01:He's sleeping, he's taking a little nap.
SPEAKER_02:He's sort of sitting in the throne in the random zone that we don't understand.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't know, man. I there has to be explanations in age of extinction that we don't know. Because I was confused. I watched two and a half of these movies. I missed one, and I felt so confused in this one. You got so close. I was so I was like four hours away still. I'm not close.
SPEAKER_02:We got my favorite line of the movie quote Transformers are declared illegal on Earth.
SPEAKER_01:Illegal aliens. Don't you get it, Dan?
SPEAKER_00:Now
SPEAKER_02:Okay, we'll talk about this later, right? And they formed the We'll talk about it later. We'll get to it. Alright, okay. That's fine. They form the TRF, who is the military authority that deals with the Transformers.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_02:And they're kind of the bad guys.
SPEAKER_01:Here's why I'm confused. They're kind of the bad guys, but it's weird because a lot of those guys are the good guys from the first three. So again, we've missed I've missed something because they're the nest in the first couple, and they're the good guys fighting with the Autobots. And now in this one, we're like, well, we're against them. I I don't I don't understand what happened.
SPEAKER_02:You might be able to answer me this question. Because in this movie, we we soon see Cybertron, which is the planet of the Transformers, which is dying. Right. Um, who shoots Transformers at Earth?
SPEAKER_01:Who shoots them? What do you mean? Well sends them?
SPEAKER_02:They come, yeah, who sends them, shoots them.
SPEAKER_01:From so, from my understanding from the originals, is is they just they come here. They were seeking like refuge, and they just came here. I'm pretty sure that's what happened. Well, so originally they're looking for the all spark, right? They're looking at a little box. And so I think the the the idea of every movie is there's a new reason for them to come to Earth. So like this one's this the spear, or what is it? Staff.
SPEAKER_02:But they but that's not why they're com there's no reason for there, there's they don't even know the staff exists at the beginning of the movie.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I'm I don't know what to tell you because in the first one they're here for the All Spark, right? Yeah, but they had already, and then in the second one, they're like, We've been here before many years ago, and then so they're back to find something else, and I don't remember what it is. And then in the third one, it's the dark of the moon, and so the moon landing is actually the first time we saw robots. The whole moon landing was like they go, they lose contact. Remember that how they lost contact? That's because they were searching for the robots and they found them. Oh, okay. And so, like, there's always like a reason that they've been here, and then this one they're saying that they were here in the time of King Arthur, which is it's confusing. It doesn't matter. The timelines are very confusing. So, you know, they're just always here is the answer. They just they just love it here, damn.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so they're usually coming here to do something. Um usually, yeah. But they're not being shot off of Cybertron to come here.
SPEAKER_01:No, no, it doesn't seem to be a direct one-to-one, as far as I can tell.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, okay, okay. I was wondering about that.
SPEAKER_01:So the it because the end of the first one, um, they do this whole speech. Optimus gives a whole speech. He just he's sending a signal into the sky, and he's like, to all remaining Autobots, come to Earth and we'll protect you. Something like that. So like they're scattered, I think. Okay, so they're they're all dude. This is a lot of conjecture here.
SPEAKER_02:We'll assume they're all over the cosmos. Optimus Prime has called them home, and then the Decepticons are like, well, it's gonna be the best place for us to go and kill them.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, hey, hunting grounds, right?
SPEAKER_02:Why do the Decepticons want to kill the Autobots?
SPEAKER_01:I don't remember exactly what the war was over, but they fought a war and they're just they just keep doing it, you know? Okay. That's basically it. Ancient rivalry.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't like each other very much.
SPEAKER_02:Um, we do a whole sort of thing with John Tuturo. He's in Cuba because he got to hide he has to hide from America. He's doing something and he provides random information at one random point.
SPEAKER_01:That's his goal. That's his job in all the movies. He is the weirdest character. He he starts in the government in the first one, the second one, he runs a deli, the third one, he's like rich and sold books about it, and now in this one, he's hiding in Q. I don't this guy's got the craziest trajectory in the whole series. Uh, but he's always just there because he somehow knows everything about the Transformers, even though he keeps getting shunned. Uh I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Doesn't he send them to go look for a book and they never go look for the book? Oh, they what's his name? Does find the book? He doesn't.
SPEAKER_01:Anthony Hopkins goes and grabs the book. It just doesn't matter. So there's that.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, all of their MacGuffins literally lead to nothing happening.
SPEAKER_01:It's like they wanted to be Uncharted. This was them practicing writing for Uncharted, but they forgot about all the mysteries and the puzzles that you're supposed to solve. So they're just pretending, they're going through the motions of we have to find this, we have to do this, and then they just do it. They just find it. They just find that sphere. They're in the they're in a water hole, and she's like, Well, it's not here. Oh, it's here.
SPEAKER_02:Like, what the hell? Oh, no, you mean they're they're down in the station, and then the guy's holding the staff, and then they take it out and they're like, There's no staff here, and then they throw the staff on the ground. You mean that whole thing where they there is the staff and they're like, No staff here. I'll take this thing that's not a staff.
SPEAKER_01:When he says there's no staff. It's like that is the what were you looking for? I don't understand what you thought. It doesn't matter. Anyhow, it's just weird.
SPEAKER_02:It's all it's not like there was a drawing of it in some book where it's like, oh, we want that. Oh, look at this, the stupid wood one. This is the wrong wrong staff. We're too late.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't know. Maybe someone stole it. It's in your hands. What do you mean they stole it?
SPEAKER_02:So and then we have Tony Hale, who who literally plays a character who is called JPL Scientist. He's not his character does not have a name when I looked at the cast list. Which is wild because he's in it a decent amount. I mean, you see him and you're like, oh, Tony Hale, I know who that is. I like him. That's cool. He's making money up this.
SPEAKER_01:Just for the record.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, no. I mean, we like him as an actor.
SPEAKER_01:I know, I know. As an actor, as a as a person, I'm sure. All great. But in this movie, I was like, why is he so annoying? He's so fixated on the science of things, and there's no such thing as magic. We gotta do the science. Oh, I can't believe the science didn't work. What are you talking about, guy? These are alien robots. You didn't believe that? Like, I don't know what's going on.
SPEAKER_02:So he's doing that. Jonathan's in Cuba. These four stupid kids break into the no-go zone, and one of the kids says, We're kids, we get away with anything. Yeah, thanks for calling it out. That's great. They find this one robot, he's dead, then they keep going, and then they run into I think it's Squeaks, who's the comic relief blue robot. Have we seen have you seen him before in any of these other movies?
SPEAKER_01:I have not seen him before. I don't know if he's in Age of Extinction or not, or if this is like a whole new duo, him and the girl. I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_02:So boom, here we come. Uh these the sentinels show up, which are the government's robots that patrol this closed up part of the city zone. I don't know. I don't know. And they what these robots immediately try and kill the children.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. They don't care. They don't discriminate. It's movement.
SPEAKER_02:You know, if you're you're you're a rabbit, it's gonna blast you. This other this little girl shows up and she helps them escape. She blows a couple of them up, so she's there fighting against the government. Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. All all bodies of power. How about that?
SPEAKER_02:She saves them. The uh squeak almost gets hurt, and then she's got a friend, it's this yellow robot called Canopy, and um Canopy starts moving around, and so they dispatch a plane, and the plane shoots Canopy with a missile and instantly kills it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Now this is here's why this is confusing. Why is this confusion? Because later in the movie we got robots getting blown up all over the place, and they're relatively fine. This was just one shot. So I just I thought that was a little weird that it happened so quick. And and what is he?
SPEAKER_02:He's a robot covered in rocks whose name is Canopy, which implies that he's offering safety to this little girl. Sure.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And one missile kills him instantly.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he's not great at it. I'll just we'll just say that. He's not great.
SPEAKER_02:Uh Canopy thanks her as he dies, and then Wahlberg shows up in a truck, and they drive away.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah, it's I'm yeah. I don't know. I don't know what he's doing. What is he doing there? Well, he he's he's uh an inventor. Thank you. Yep, that extend solves it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Um he's a legend as a reward.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, what legend? Well, we missed something good in the Age of Extinction. If he's a legend, he's a legend. Pretty cool.
SPEAKER_02:Uh he takes the kids out, they leave, and then he goes back to the dead robot that the kids saw and checks that he's dead. Nobody mentioned this robot to him, but he goes to check on this robot.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, 100%. Yeah, he could maybe he's got some sort of robot ESP that he can feel robots. I don't know. I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_02:Is this ESP working in your hands?
SPEAKER_01:This is how you use ESP. Haven't you ever seen the X-Men? This is how they do it. Jean Gray, right here. Is that how she does it?
SPEAKER_02:Professor X is like sitting in the wheelchair got his little hands out there. I'm getting in your brain right now. I'm your professor of X. Is that how it works, Tony?
SPEAKER_01:That's it. That's how they do it. I don't maybe you haven't seen the same shows that I have, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:Does all the hair fall off of his hands, too?
SPEAKER_01:Unfortunately, no. I I'm I'm witness to this. You can have hair everywhere and not have hair on your head. It's a real problem. That's true.
SPEAKER_02:Uh so he's he goes in there and he finds the Magic Dally's man. What? Okay. That's fine. Then a cop car pulls up and it puts lasers on his thing, which means he's targeted, and then all the we had a little bit of Bumblebee. We might have had a little bit of Bumblebee. Bumblebee's his friend in this.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he's buddies with B.
SPEAKER_02:Um lasers on his thing from this cop car, and then the government shows up, and then they're gonna arrest him, and then the cop car disappears. Where's the cop car? Is it and that's one of the Decepticons, or that's an Autobot, or that's a police?
SPEAKER_01:I'm assuming it's a Decepticon, not an Autobot, but I don't really know. But I think it's just there for targeting. You know, I think he just kind of highlights, and then that's his job, and then he's out. I don't know. You know, you know how things work.
SPEAKER_02:It was so weird. You're just gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_01:You know how like in fighter jets, like one plane will like laser target something, and then the other plane will shoot a missile at it, you know? But the does the targeting one just disappear into Yeah, just leaves, just goes away, goes away as fast as it can after it does that.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, all the all the government shows up and they all yell at each they yell at each other like bah Josh Duhamel is there, he's he's the sort of good stand-in. And then there's this other dark-haired guy who's sort of the like I'm gonna kill them all, but for no reason.
SPEAKER_01:Right. We it's not there is no reason, and also like Du Hamill was the main good army guy in the first three movies. Why is he on the bats? I get I get confused, and maybe that's just because the U.S. Army, you know, we're bad. I don't know. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Uh Bumblebee shows up, he he like whoop-whoop Bumblebee, and they shoot at Bumblebee, and Bumblebee falls into a thousand pieces, and they're all like, We got him, and then Bumblebee's like, you don't got me. Uh, this is probably the best action scene part, very short. He reconstitutes reconstitutes while he's doing it, he kills a couple of guys. Just kicking ass. Absolutely kills a couple guys, uh grind some guy's face with his wheel, grind, grind, puts himself back together, and then and we have this standoff where he's like, I'm Bumblebee, I'm a radio, I kill you all.
SPEAKER_01:I'm a radio, look out, everybody. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And then what what happens from this tense standoff?
SPEAKER_01:I think they just decide that it's cool. Don't they just kind of well mark's like, well, we're gonna leave now. And then and then the guys are all, yeah, cool.
SPEAKER_02:But they shoot a tracker on Bumblebee. Which don't keep noticeable? Let me ask you a question. Yeah, I'm I'm a big game hunter. I'm out there hunting big game. You're the big game. I shoot shoot you in the ass with a tracking device. With a tracking device. Are you gonna notice that you got shot in the ass with a tracking device?
SPEAKER_01:I don't maybe I won't know what it is, but I'll be like, oh, I got bit by something. I should probably reach my hand back there and check out what it was. You know? It's weird. Yeah. Yeah. Because he's not just a car, guys. He has he's a thing. He's a living organism. He's a thing.
SPEAKER_02:Um the police car goes back to and finds the big bad guy, which I guess is Megatron. We don't we don't use his name but he's not yet but he's looking for the staff. And I mean, what we should have done is we should have had that first night guy, we should have done the full Green Lantern, have him crash, have him alive, have him discovered, you know, everybody goes to the crash site, the government goes there to stop it, but but Cade gets there first, Cade goes in there, he's like, Cade, I am the last knight, take this talisman, blah, blah, blah. Save your world, save the planet, save everybody. It's pretty, it's pretty easy to do.
SPEAKER_01:Well, they kind of already did that storyline, you know. Like, that's kind of what the original's about a little bit with the Allspark. Kind of. Yeah, but he's gotta be. So it they had to change it a little, Dan. You mean so it doesn't make any sense? Right, yeah, yeah. Just make it make less sense. That's how that's how sequels go, right? Recycle the story, but do one layer of confusion.
SPEAKER_02:Optimus flying through space, lands on Cybertron, and he's all like, What happened to Cybertron? Used to be so cool, now it's dying. And then here comes Quintessa. He used to be so cool, the female squid transformer, and she's all like, I made you, you need to fix the world.
SPEAKER_01:And then So who made her? You know what I mean? Why is she also a robot? Natural selection?
SPEAKER_02:I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:I'm just I'm just a little confused on how she's the maker, and but she's also a robot, so then like who made her just another big bigger version? I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Probably uh Unicron. Unicron made them all, I think, right? But isn't Unicron just a planet?
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. I don't know either, you know? It's fine.
SPEAKER_02:Uh oh, let's see. Uh UK Castle. We've got Cogman, who's this who's like it looks like an android, but he's a little smaller than a human, and then we've got Anthony Hopkins playing Witty Witty Witty McCurr, Edgar Witty McCurr, and he's crazy?
SPEAKER_01:Witw Whitwicken. So here's uh so he's a Witwicken, which is weird because Shia LaBeouf's character's last name is Wit Wiki. And so I I uh is what they're trying to do is like say that the Witwickens named Whit Wicki. I I I I got real confused, is all I'm gonna say.
SPEAKER_02:You think it's an Ellis Island kind of a thing?
SPEAKER_01:I you're gonna have to explain Ellis Island to me, and then I'll tell you whether or not it's the same thing.
unknown:Tony.
SPEAKER_02:Uh when when all the people come when people came through to America and the Statue of Liberty and all that, the Ellis Island was the place where you got processed typically.
SPEAKER_01:And so they just pick their names.
SPEAKER_02:So they'd write your name in a book, and then you know, the they'd spill the ink on there, and you know, your name would be Wit Whitaker, and then you become Wit Wiki, and then you'd be Wit, and then Woo, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't and woo. John Woo. Woo woo. Woo woo woo. Um, maybe I don't know. I got very confused because they do show a picture of Shia, which I I do think might have been like one of his headshots, which I think is pretty fucked up, but it's a weird moment because there we're in Anthony Hopkins' like layer, and he's going through Benjamin Franklin and these people and all these people, they were all Wit Wiccans, and then there's a picture of Shia LaBeouf on the desk, and they show that. And I'm I'm gathering that he might be dead, which is pretty fucked up that they would just kill him just because he left the series. I don't know, it's all weird. But I just I got confused on what a Wit Wiccan was versus a Wit Wicky.
SPEAKER_02:It sure seems like you just use the same name.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Or something totally different and just say it's you know the I don't know. It's weird. It's very confusing.
SPEAKER_02:Usually when names change, they don't just change a couple letters at the end, you know. You don't your name is your name is not Wit Wiccan, and then you marry someone named Wit Wiki. You know, that's not usually what wicko.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. It's just very strange.
SPEAKER_02:So now we meet hot polo lady. Uh her name is Vivian, she's single, uh, looking to mingle. Uh she's she's playing polo, and then she goes and gives this tour, and she's she's disillusioned by the Arthurian legend because she was so into it. Um, and then she goes and gets in her car, and we realize that the car is now an Autobot. I think they must have destroyed her real car and then replaced it, because I think the Autobot's a new one. He's a French Autobot called Hot Rod. Hot Rod.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. But he it's not he's not really French. I don't that was a whole weird.
SPEAKER_02:You mean when they explain that he he just does a French accent because he thinks it's cool? Because he wants to.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. It's why why why get so convoluted with it? Just be like, yeah, he's French.
SPEAKER_02:And why name why name him Hot Rod if he's playing a French guy? Right? Uh yeah. If you share hot rod, you should be like, you know, an American greaser or something.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It's all very confusing.
SPEAKER_02:Um so Optimist uh Quint Quintorious or Quin Quin Quinn Ladia uh Quinn Quintessa tells him that he's gotta get the staff to save Cybertron.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know. I think this is the point at which he becomes evil. I think he becomes evil in the next scene of them together.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, like it the same scene happens two or three times with them. So yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Uh Bumblebee and Cade and everybody arrive at the junkyard. There's a green robot, there's a red robot, there's uh eventually a Steve Bushevi robot, there's a John Goodman robot. Um yes. That's that's the junkyard. There's a dinosaur, which is really cool.
SPEAKER_01:Which must be from Age of Extinction. Oh, yeah, it's been left over. Yeah. I don't know, I don't know what or why, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02:We got this random character, uh Jimmy J, played by I think Michael Carmichael. Um gotta be from the last one. Character makes no sense. No, no reason for this character to be here. Complains about, you know, not wanting to go to jail, and we're just like, okay.
SPEAKER_01:You should go live your life then, bud.
SPEAKER_02:Shouldn't be here. Um there's these two little tiny robots that are that are dinosaurs. Those are the coolest robots in the whole movie by and adorable. Totally great. You're like, I would have a toy of that on my shelf. Very cool. Amen. Um C. Buscemi shows up as the junk robot, and he says the I think the the thing that what's his name has, or something is the first sign of the apocalypse.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Which do we get more on that? I feel like we don't really. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:We never talk about the never talking about the apocalypse ever again. Nothing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um the little horseman, nothing cool.
SPEAKER_02:Turns out the little girl stowed away somewhere. I don't know where.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Um her and Cade bro out about family. She blackmails them, says, throw me out, and I'll tell everybody where you are. And she's all like, I guess you're part of the family now. Yeah, immediately family, by the way.
SPEAKER_01:He uses that term very soon.
SPEAKER_02:They do not. There is little conflict between the two of them. He's just like, I guess I'm in a bind. You're you're allowed to stay and do whatever you want.
SPEAKER_01:You're my new daughter. I can't talk to my other daughter, so I'll just I'll just have you instead. That's great. So love it when things work out. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So they're they're all good. They're all set. She's gonna play the role of telling the small blue robot to do something, and that's her whole uh reason for existence. Um then these giant horns start growing out of the ground. Yeah. I think the horns are like uh uh are setting up the sixth episode, the sixth movie.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I mean there's two they have a credit scene where it seems we're definitely setting up something that's happening in the next movie that's never gonna get made.
SPEAKER_02:Because the horns don't have anything to do with the ending of this movie, right?
SPEAKER_01:Well, they're like they're supposed to catch it, right? Isn't that what they're doing? They're like the they're the landing hand or something, but then Pangea, since Pangea broke up, it's all messed up or something.
SPEAKER_02:We don't see those horns at the end of the movie, do we?
SPEAKER_01:Not until the end and credits. Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I just wanted to make sure those horns weren't sticking up somewhere and I was like, I missed them. I mean, I don't I don't think so.
SPEAKER_01:I didn't see them. I I don't know, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so the horns are coming up. The horns mean something because the Megatron goes there and stands in front of them so they can take a picture with him. Jeez. And then we set up that it's three days until the world is destroyed because Quick. This is Cybertron is coming. It'll be here three days.
SPEAKER_01:Three days. Yeah, super fast. Super fast. You know what I kind of just wanted this to be.
SPEAKER_02:It can't have been very far away.
SPEAKER_01:Or it's coming really fast and just hitting those brakes as hard as it can, because it's soft lands, which is nice of it. But um, they well, they do they say the line. They do the Dan Goodsell line of something like it hid behind our sun, so we didn't know it was coming.
SPEAKER_02:Was that what they said?
SPEAKER_01:Or something do that at one point.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, they do say that.
SPEAKER_01:I don't really know what that means because then does it go around the sun? I don't understand. Yeah. I don't know. Um, but did did part of you just kind of want this to be like an independence day type movie where it opens with Hale discovering that something's coming, and then you know, we have to figure out what's coming, and it turns out that it's Transformers as opposed to it being Arthurian for some reason. I thought that was pretty weird.
SPEAKER_02:There's nothing in this movie that couldn't be improved by just stealing from another movie. Right?
SPEAKER_00:I mean Yeah, amen to that.
SPEAKER_02:You know, there's yeah when you really start looking about looking for ideas out there in the world, there's not a lot of there's not a lot of things that happen, you know?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:There's there's there's thrillers, there's mysteries, there's actually. Yeah, everyone's gonna die in three days.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Um uh then we have this great scene where where Cade calls his daughter and he can't talk to her because then they'll be able to figure out where he's at, but he he can only talk for 45 seconds, but he but he can't talk because if he talks, then they'll hear his voice. So he calls and the the daughter's like, I know it's you. I know we only have 45 seconds to talk. You're like, how how does she know that? Because she's all he's always calling for exactly 45 seconds.
SPEAKER_01:Even that, even even her saying, like, I know it's you, wouldn't her phone line be tapped? So they already know that it's him. I'm a little confused, but also if if they're doing the old tracing thing where it takes 45 seconds to trace, or like they do movies and they're like, Oh, I gotta cut it off because now they can find me. Why is his voice mad? I it felt like there were two different tri tracking methods can like combined into one. I got so confused. Yeah, but it's a beautiful shot. I'll just say that with the sunset and the back, it's beautiful.
SPEAKER_02:And I mean, truthfully, the sound design on this this scene's really good.
SPEAKER_01:They they do a great job. They do like Bay has that down where you know he can make something feel epic even when it's not, and I I appreciate that.
SPEAKER_02:It was it was a dopey scene, but it was, you know, you were like, okay, they've they sort of built in some stakes and they sort of you know allowed one character to feel more important than it is. Yes. You're like, oh, if this if this actually meant something for the character, then it would be good. Right. But it doesn't.
SPEAKER_01:If he actually cared about his daughter at all, it would be very interesting to see how that plays out.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so Megatron, they they're gonna negotiate with Megatron because the world's gonna end. So they what they're gonna do is they meet Megatron in like the desert, and then Megatron says, these are the these are the things that you have to let out of you have to let's happen out of Transformers Prison. And to which we're like, what? And and the speller, you talk, and of course and like like one of them's like this crazy once Mohawk and Deadbutt and Nightfus Zeus and Berserker, but it's like, but you can't have Berserker because he's too dangerous.
SPEAKER_01:And then and then he's just like, Yeah, that's cool. I'll pick someone else. What's what what is happening? And what's weird is all of these bad guys get weird freeze frames with their Chiron with their name on it. No other robot in the entire history of this franchise gets a name tag. What is happening? It's it's so weird. This was taken from a different movie somewhere, and I don't know why. It's bizarre. And then do we even see these guys? I don't even know if they're in the movie.
SPEAKER_02:They're they're the they're the ones that little I cared. They're the ones that show up at the junkyard and then fight in the empty town, which becomes the empty city, which is not because there's people sitting and just all over.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so yeah, it's so weird.
SPEAKER_02:All right. Um but the one the best one was like he he's got on his record, he's got homicide, triple homicide, double homicide, quadruple homicide, and he robbed while he was robbing a bank, and then he didn't steal any money. And you're like, wait a second.
SPEAKER_01:That's not what robots do.
SPEAKER_02:He robbed a bank, but he just robbed the bank to be like ri reb ri rad and weird.
SPEAKER_01:Just fun. Just thought it was cool. I don't under I don't understand what's happening. So weird.
SPEAKER_02:And it's like, if you have control of these robots, do you just turn them off? These are not these do not have rights. They're freaking robots.
SPEAKER_01:Dan, AI's gonna come for you, man. You can't just turn off robots, alright?
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so they're at the junkyard. The junkyard is gonna be under attack. Uh the government attacks, the dino fights the government, the government launches drones. Oh no, no, no. Wait, no, no, hold on. They attack the the government attacks, a couple robots stay back to fight the government, they leave, the Decepticons follow them, and then they're hiding, and they're like, Oh, we got the whole town rigged to blow. It's a ghost town. Until they until they move like a few steps away, then it becomes a city. Doesn't make any sense. But the the girl walks, oh, this squeak is there, and then the girl walks out for some reason, and the he's like, Oh no, girl, what you doing? We're gonna blow up the town, and then they have to squeak does a thing, and they pick up squeak, and then then they blow up the town anyways, and they all get away, and then they so then the Decepticons are kind of all killed, sort of, and now we have to fight the government drones, and we're like they run to a church. Hold up, time it the girl's like, you gotta kill the king drone, and all the other drones will fall down the things, but they never shoot the king drone to to win.
SPEAKER_01:Have you ever played action figures with a child before? Like recently. This is what you describing this movie sounds like one of those fever dreams kids have while they're playing with action figures. And as an adult, you're like, this doesn't make any sense, bud. You gotta figure out a different your story, doesn't make any sense, but they don't care because they're just like, what's cool? What's cool? That's what these movies are. These movies are not are just written from like a childlike wonder of what could be what could be cool. It doesn't have to make sense. I'm just gonna throw shit at it. It's weird. It's interesting.
SPEAKER_02:Once you've thrown one of the robots and it hits, you just never pick it up again.
SPEAKER_01:So it's just out of the movie. Exactly. Exactly. Like, I'm I'm not gonna find that guy. He's under the couch, he's stuck.
SPEAKER_02:Uh Jimmy J does a thing where he's all like, they're using pattern recognition, so everybody hide behind me. And then the robot just shoots him with a beanbag and he doesn't die.
SPEAKER_01:Um, yeah. Can we hold on for a second? He gets shot through a wall. He gets shot and he flies, it hits him so hard he flies through a wall. And Mark Waber comes over and he's like, dude, it's just a beanbag. You're fine. If a beanbag hits you hard enough to throw you through a wall, your precious little ribs have been shattered. Okay, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02:Ridiculous flee the church, end up in this other building, they get in the elevat an exterior elevator in an abandoned town that also has like a couple people like working in the lobby. Yep. It doesn't make any sense. Lo and behold, Cogland is in there, the robot that works for Anthony Hopkins, and then they start fighting with him.
SPEAKER_01:And what first uh some they make a joke about Cog what's his name? Cogland. Yeah. Um in the movie, they go, What's with this C3PO knockoff? That doesn't make it better. Calling it out yourself that you've stolen this design from a very famous franchise. That doesn't make it better. It doesn't excuse it. It's like, don't do that. You're just calling more attention to the fact that you were you were unable to be original. That's all I'm gonna say on the matter.
SPEAKER_02:So they fight some more drones, he falls out of the elevator, eventually they just go to the outskirts of town where there's this really cool flying wing plane, and they just fly to the UK.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, they just go, they just take off, they just leave.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Uh Taturo knows the location of the book. Okay. Book. Uh where we go back to where Optimus Prime is, he's with Quintessa. Quintessa's like, you know, wouldn't be good is if we killed Earth so that Cybertron lives, and Optimus is like, okay, I'll change my name to Nemesis Prime and we'll do that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I'm I'm honestly like a little confused. What are you confused about, don't he?
SPEAKER_02:This can the primary character's brain just completely changes its mind. For no reason. I mean, for reasonable.
SPEAKER_01:I mean they're saying well, his eyes change color, so obviously he's become bad. Yes, obviously. Um, but in the third movie, Patrick Dempsey is like a human that works for the Decepticons. Oh. And he is saying something like the reason why they're here is because they need a slave army to rebuild their world, and that's why they're here for humans. But now in this one, that's not what Quintessa is saying. She's just like, we just need to steal their resources, it's cool. Yeah. Right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I mean, if they could have gotten a slave army, the slave army could have done the same thing. The slave army would have then taken all the resources and put them on on the ports and gotten them up to up the side of the road.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, all right. So I guess plan B is just smash our our planets together. All right.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, because theirs is made out of metal, and ours is made out of goop. A lot of water.
SPEAKER_01:A lot of water.
SPEAKER_02:Much less sturdy than metal.
SPEAKER_01:And it can maybe rust it, you know, you never know.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Uh Vivian, our woman, goes to her dad's study, and there's all these books, and she's sort of thinking about things, and then her car kidnaps her and takes her to high tea. And while it's going to high tea, she tries to like jump out the back and murder herself, and then it sees another car that's a Ferrari and it turns itself into a Ferrari.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. Bumblebee does that in the first movie, and it's really cool when he does it, and now it's not as cool because we already saw it happen once. Why are we doing it again? I don't know. I don't understand. We had time to film. Yeah, I guess so. I this my one of my favorite lines in the movies when they arrive, yeah, and Mark Wahlberg and Anthony Hopkins are waiting for her, and she's like fighting and screaming, and Mark just goes, Is this a kidnapping situation or her first Transformer encounter? And I was like, That's a very funny line. I like that. Good line. He probably wrote it himself.
SPEAKER_02:He probably did. Um, so they all get there. The girl and hit him are like, you know, oil and vinegar. We, you know, oh, you're dumb and you're smart.
SPEAKER_01:But you know, the smart and the the smart person and the brute, they're always gonna get together, knock some boots. Look at us. Look at us. We do it all the time. I throw boots at you. Yeah, I eat them up. Num nom nom num.
SPEAKER_02:Uh Vivian's like, K Jagger, what is it you do? He's like, I'm an inventor. And then he can't come up because he can't come up with anything.
SPEAKER_01:Can't name one thing that he's invented. I don't know. That was weird. There must be something that we're missing from the fourth movie. I don't know, Dan. It's weird.
SPEAKER_02:Cogman wants to kill him because he has the huts for Vivian, and we learn what a weird scene. The Cogman sits over the table and tries to kill him. I don't understand. Cogman's a very but I guess he's a psychopath just like Anthony Hopkins' characters, so it makes sense. I guess so.
SPEAKER_01:I guess so. It's weird.
SPEAKER_02:So Anthony Hopkins character, they're just a secret society that wants to protect Transformers going all the way back to the round table.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Great. Okay. Where have you been for the past four movies, guys? I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Now we do the Nazi, the random Nazi scene to show that the Transformers have been here and they've been doing stuff occasionally. Uh then we do like this whole the founding of the round table, which he had which we meet later. And then we set up that there were 12 knights and then 12 robots, I think.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, like each one had a robot, I I guess.
SPEAKER_02:And then I think the most robots we ever see is like five robots.
SPEAKER_01:At a at one time, sure. They take they take turns, you know. I just too many robots can't be in one place at one time, all right.
SPEAKER_02:I just don't think they wanted to pay the to animate 12 robots.
SPEAKER_01:That's a lot of robots. Just don't say there's that many then. You know what I mean? Just change the line on the day. Because there's like this, there's like a or they ran out of money in the edit. Who knows?
SPEAKER_02:I don't know. It's really uh and during this whole thing, there's like this this organ music and then this opera music, and then we cut to Cogman. He's playing the organ music and then he's doing the opera music. I like that. I thought it was funny.
SPEAKER_01:Of course. No, I mean it's funny, it's just very silly. I don't know. The whole scene's very weird.
SPEAKER_02:The whole scene's very weird. Um and then, yeah, so she's gotta find the staff of Merlin because she's Merlin's last descendant, which makes no sense because DNA just his his DNA would be all over the world.
SPEAKER_01:Oh yeah, especially Merlin. A philanderer, that guy.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Um, so here come the bad guys. MI6 has teamed up with TRF. They're gonna attack the castle, and I don't I don't know what I don't know what it is they want.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know what their plan is. I don't have a clue. I just know they're going in. That's it. That's all you know.
SPEAKER_02:So they attack, and then one of the robots has a time stop gun.
SPEAKER_01:Pretty cool device. Wow. I don't know what to tell you. Pretty fun. Works out pretty good.
SPEAKER_02:Um, they drive into London, and then we have we have Hot Rod, we have Bumblebee. It seems like Vivian and Kate both get into Bumblebee, but we don't know. We get to London, we see Cade get out of Bumblebee, and then inside Vivian and Kate are there. We never saw her get out of a car. We don't understand what it's it's that's what drives you crazy about this movie. And this this this is the most emblematic thing. We don't we don't do establishing shots, we don't show who's going where and how and why.
SPEAKER_01:Because they don't care. Make making it they're like, who cares? Just get in a car, don't get in a car. I don't really care. Just we're getting to the next scene. Let's go.
SPEAKER_02:Um I and this is where the old ladies do a whole thing, and I left out I did not even write the old ladies in my notes because they were so annoyed with me. Because I didn't want to write down the jokes. I didn't want to write down the jokes they made.
SPEAKER_01:They weren't good jokes, Dan. They weren't good. They weren't good jokes. I don't I don't remember any of them, which is a sign that they weren't very good. Well, you're told to do it. But they try to listen to like them having sex or something, which is weird.
SPEAKER_02:They go upstairs to the study and they're tearing it apart to try and find the location of the staff, and it doesn't sound like they're having sex, but the ladies are like, they're having sex, and they're this is what they're doing with sex.
SPEAKER_01:Which means that none of them have had sex for a millennia. Yeah, you know what I mean? That is true. Who knows?
SPEAKER_02:Um, boom, boom, boom, they break stuff. Uh now we do a little scene with Tarn Tuturo, who has the where knows where the book is, and so he's gonna tell Hopkins where the book is, but first Anthony Hopkins has to knight him.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, please, over the phone.
SPEAKER_02:And you do like the classic joke where he instead of saying, you know, you're accepted, instead he says you're indoctrinated, and he's like, No, no, you're that's the wrong word. I know you're using the wrong word to cut me out. You gotta make it good. Make it good, my friend.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so stupid.
SPEAKER_02:If you're gonna do that bit, you have to do things formally, you have to you can't just do it on the phone. And then Anthony Hopkins doesn't even do it. He's like uh He doesn't finish it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he's just like, no, this is stupid, just give me the book. It's and then Tortura does. So there you go.
SPEAKER_02:So in other words, the thing that Torturo wants, he doesn't even get, and it's such a wasted time.
SPEAKER_01:A lot of this is a waste of time, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And something there's something to do with Stonehenge.
SPEAKER_01:That's the location of something that's dead the center point, or it's something. I I don't understand. We have a car it don't matter.
SPEAKER_02:We have a car chase that means nothing. They get to a submarine, the submarine is then in the Thames.
SPEAKER_01:Now, question when when they got to the submarine, were you like, yeah, that's where I thought we were going? Because I mean you thought we were going to Stoner. I didn't know where we were going, but a submarine was the last place I expected. I don't know. I don't know if I wasn't paying enough attention, but all of a sudden we're going deep sea diving, and I was like, What? I'm so confused on where we're going right now.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you you get the you get the greatest thing in the movie ever, you get a submarine fight. And it's not a it's not a shooting missiles at each other fight, it's a no, it's a it's a bumper car situation. And I mean, there you go. Okay, there you you you called it, didn't you, Tony? If two kids had submarines and the submarines were to fight, this is how the submarines would fight. The submarines just smash into each other. It's so weird. Go vertical. You're like, what? It's talking about they all fall down. Uh their submarine also has windows on the front, which I don't know if I know like submarines do.
SPEAKER_01:Do you know because a lot of submarines, I don't know if you've ever been to a submarine tent, they feel like tin cans, you know. So you want you want panoramic views on your submarines to make it seem less cramped.
SPEAKER_02:I guess, yeah. I mean, I would I would demand that on my submarine so I can look out.
SPEAKER_01:I'd like a balcony, please. Can we put one of those in there? Thank you.
SPEAKER_02:It's like those the guys that went down to visit the Titanic, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Oh god.
SPEAKER_02:Bye-bye.
SPEAKER_01:Oh boy. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:So they fight and then uh oh god. Cogland makes them their a last meal on the sub. Where does he get food? How does this how does this work, Dan? You mean an abandoned naval submarine? You mean the submarine that is there for tourism? And I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you something about those those ones is oh please I always remember when we were a kid they had an airplane in our uh in our park and okay initially it had like you know the knobs and dials and things and then they injected concrete into it. So these submarines yeah yeah yeah so that you know nothing moved anymore so sure yeah I guess and that's what they do to these things they s everything's frozen up and painted over and you know you can't it don't work but I guess the submarine's a robot I guess it's a transformer but it never does anything.
SPEAKER_01:I mean that's what they say but it never it doesn't transform so I don't believe it but also that doesn't explain where the food comes from transformers don't just have food in their bodies okay oh and then boom they see this big underwater ship they get off of the sub it's a tomb for the knights and there is um why would this be a tomb for the knights because I'm just so confused because the tombs were there the knights were on land with King Arthur. Why are they under the water all of a sudden they probably flew this thing around to like destroy people okay okay well there you go that's pretty cool but kept this big ship just appears here it's pretty screen screen that's like it's bigger than bigger than a mountain yeah you're right i don't I don't know why or how you're right I don't know where they park it if I park it in the ocean if I was gonna park a big Autobot ship that's where I'd put it I hide it in the ocean you're right no you're right i'm I'm an idiot you're right that's where we park our big ships all makes sense um and it's a tube for the knights here are the knights there's Merlin Kate opens you know they push it open boom what are you doing little dog they push it open they see the wooden staff and they're like where's the staff there's no staff no staff what are we gonna do no staff and then eventually she touches the staff and it's the staff and oh hey it's the staff how I couldn't I can't believe it you know with that twist what a twist one of the it's like the sixth sense the first time you see that that's how good of a twist this is and then then I think Optimus shows up doesn't he optimus he flies in which I was a little because we're underwater I don't understand how all this works but yeah he flies in he's like I'm gonna kill you well he's just spear yeah he's like I gotta give give me the spear and then K's just like yeah give it to him whatever like he's Kate is like so like nonchalant he's there's no like gravity did we travel a hundred miles underwater to get this short just give it to him yeah I I don't want to deal with it anymore this is silly uh everyone leaves uh he leaves everyone else leaves this the station surfaces and then bumblebee and optimus prime are fighting yeah the ship is like the sh the things like this and so then there's waves and people slip and then pretty cool they're fighting and then at one point Cade runs over and jumps on top of Optimus Prime is like why why didn't we do all this down below throwing a tantrum on him yeah I don't know and then finally something happens because they they changed Bumblebee's talking box right and then finally his his but it was bad so he tore it back out earlier. I don't know if you remember that I don't Mag is like this isn't my voice and then he tears it out and throws it down and then he goes back to speaking out of the radio and then in this scene it's fixed. It's it's magically fixed and everyone's like wow you can talk again doesn't make any sense but I will say this was my one emotional moment in the movie but it would have been better if Mark Wahborg had fixed his voice as opposed to it just magically working because he got the snot kicked out of him it's like oh you you lined the gears back up when you knocked me out look at that that's incredible so stupid when you kicked me in my balls I got my voice back my voice dropped yeah it's weird but no I yeah when he's like I haven't heard your voice since Cybertron I just like doing the voice as best as I can Dan so thanks for setting me up okay but it's nice yeah it's a nice little moment it just would make more sense if something had happened to make that happen as opposed to it just magically happening what are you gonna do um uh Megatron shows up he just takes the staff and the knight right that one's pretty funny I'm not gonna lie like they go through this big battle Optimus changes sides again everyone's like okay cool and then the the bad guys just come in land on it like alright we're taking this they're just bullies they're just like bullies in a playground just okay you idiots we're taking the staff um and then all the knights decide to kill Optimus Prime now as opposed to trying to he was he he changed sides so the punishment's death it doesn't matter that you're back to good you did it you did the don't do the crime because you can't do the time and then uh Mark Wahlberg the talisman magically lets him hold a sword and he blocks the death blow yeah and I think that's it right that's the the talisman no other role than write this one okay 100% yeah the last night the whole the whole story of this movie is the talisman is saying we still have another three quarters of a page to go of this movie and this is the only thing that that that that matters well it also slithers down his pants at one point we skipped over that part but that's you know it does that and then uh then the knights are all like okay well I guess you're with us you're yeah you're the you're the guy you got the thing so lead us and Optimus Prime delivers the line I will never betray you again do it do the line turning you did it great I will never betray you again I am optimus prime yeah yeah no it's so I mean he wouldn't he didn't try to betray us didn't he get mind controlled isn't that what happened or did she just convince him I I'm honestly not totally sure his eyes turned to color which typically they turn to color so yeah it seems like something changed right I don't know what are you gonna do okay everybody's fighting at Stonehenge and they shoot Hopkins and he flies through the air and I thought that was funny. It is funny Dan it's really funny to watch his body just double I wrote it down too I thought it was very funny um sure it's sad he dies but it just it looks so funny when it it blows up and his body doesn't even move like it's stiff I don't know I don't even know I don't know what they did but it's hilarious oh my god okay Megatron delivers we're making Dan fall asleep just like the movie did oh no okay we're gonna do this okay uh shoot Hopkins Megatron delivers the staff and everybody's like okay we're gonna have to there's like an ignition chamber which I don't know what that is you don't know what an initial ignition chamber is come on Dan I don't know what that means I don't know it seems very important everybody says it for five minutes or so so it's gotta be the most important thing you can think of we've never heard of it before we don't know what it has to do with anything but we're gonna go to the ignition chamber we gotta we gotta get there and we gotta stop it from igniting is that is that the plan because Cybertron has got down and it's now like scooping different parts of the earth sort of knocking over the pyramids I don't know how it's in England and then also all the way around you know the thing about the curvature of the earth you know if it's thinking about curvatures right so I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_02:But the earth is curved right and so if a thing's coming down it's just gonna kind of interact with that that little spot it's not gonna interact with stuff all the way around on the back Michael Bay flat earther yeah we heard it here first folks um so they're taking a bunch of ospreys and you know somebody says the world has lost faith what did they do when did earlier from before they lost it they lost it all I don't know um one of my favorite parts is all the guys on the osprey are like oh we're we're tired of being TRF so they reach and they they unvelcro their TRF patches and throw them on the ground it only would have been better if they had a different Velcro badge to put on over it.
SPEAKER_01:That's the only way it would have been better if they could change teams at any time and just like swapping them in and out. Good guy the other what the 10 out of 10 no no notes Velcro patches is crazy.
SPEAKER_02:Well they throw them in a little pile on the floor you're like well there you go okay um they launched the three headed dragon they all crash land on the thing and there's like this one big gun why there's a big gun on this thing who knows who knows who built I don't know but they can't get by it it's a it's an important gun.
SPEAKER_01:Well they don't solve the gun they give up they're like you know what we're done the mission's over we gotta hightail it out of here and then the little girl who broke her no no no they're having hightailing yet they haven't they haven't quit yet are you sure I'll tell you what because they quit after after she takes care of the girl okay well so then this little girl sends her little blue robot because she says and I quote you're small and ugly and no one will see you coming which is ridiculous. Ugliness that's you know it's like ugly is the key ugly ugly too too ugly to be dangerous handsome the world will hate you Dan okay but if you're ugly we'll just let you go on through don't you think I know that we are products of this world and we know exactly how to get places being ugly. So that just rolls over it just rolls on over in the middle doesn't do anything and then it puts its own gun in over the other gun or something and then shoots and blows the whole thing up is that what happened? It's so good.
SPEAKER_02:It's so great it's I mean it's such an easy scene to have actually done if you you spent a little time on it.
SPEAKER_01:You know it's like more than four minutes on it.
SPEAKER_02:Because it's like the whole thing is you know you you always have that in the movie where like you say okay who's fastest and the one guy's like I ran the I ran the hundred meter in minute thirty minute twenty minute fifteenth you're chosen and he runs he gets both of his legs blown off but he still throws the grenade at the last minute okay yeah man he's this guy's just gonna roll over he's just gonna walk up because he's properly ugly he's not a threat he's too ugly move on it's so weird.
SPEAKER_01:It's weird it's great great saves the day.
SPEAKER_02:Um oh then then Tony oh right okay but he's he goes she she sends him and then Tony Hale his JPL guy's like okay what we gotta do is we gotta shoot this one wire there and that'll loose this thing and it'll act as a pendulum and it'll hit the thing. So they're like okay we're gonna do that.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. What?
SPEAKER_02:I wrote Optimus kills Big Decepticon. Oh there's a big Decepticon the one that they didn't allow to be part of it.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_02:He's somehow there now for some reason because I don't know because they had to build that you know that that wire model for the beginning of the movie so they're like we are going to get the money out of this wire model goddamn you gotta do it.
SPEAKER_01:You gotta use it twice minimum so Optimus kills that one and then they shoot shoot shoot and the things start swinging and everybody's like okay we gotta go so they all run to the edge and they're all like free free dive free dive and they just jump off yeah yeah wait because they have they have parachutes not all of them the little girl doesn't have a parachute right she has to ride with somebody I think right who knows I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure but then Viv and Viv and Cade and the little girl are all like you know we should probably we're gonna stay yeah okay um good stuff uh Optimus is in there fighting Megatron Viv goes there gets the staff ungets the staff but then Cade flings her and then well they lose gravity oh they lose gravity at some point they lose gravity and they're all floating yeah and so I is it bumblebee that like knocks her towards Cade and then Cade swings her around in no gravity and sends her back to the staff it's pretty weird.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know it looks really terrible. It doesn't look great the little tiny zero G people are all like she gets the staff and then uh and then Prime distracts Quintessa so that she can just get shot. Yay shot by Bumblebee from behind like a coward shoots her in the back that was good I like that that that at least was a thing it was a movie move right sure yeah yeah yeah we just want the occasional movie moves to be like that's the thing that happens to two or three in there you know Bumblebee leans out and is like bang haha gotcha um uh Kate and Viv are gonna die but they they zap her with the time stop um thank god great stuff I wrote everything falling oh so everything's falling because now Cybertron's gonna leave but it's still gonna drop a bunch of stuff and then boom out of the dust comes Optimus Prime as a truck I like that was it was worth watching great moment yeah and uh squeech lives but somehow but then we get the voiceover our worlds are now joined as one but there's more than meets the eye about this planet I didn't understand what what more there was to be honest. But maybe that's the next the lady in the desert's there and she's all like I'm gonna teach you how to kill Unicron because Unicron is the the spikes which is his hand because I guess he's probably in the center of the planet or something. I mean I guess so yeah yeah I guess that makes sense yeah yeah yeah yeah so don't know so we'll never know I I don't understand how our two planets our planets merge now is like Earth here and then we have Cybertron like sitting on top of that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah it's like a snowman yeah that sort of idea yeah we got a snowman planet is that what's that what's that we can do a snowman planet yeah they snowmanned our planet you get the big one then you got the slightly smaller one we just need one more little one on top we got a whole planet the moon just put the moon up there put the moon right on top right is it one of these other movies about the moon Dark of the Moon number three I'm halfway through that's a fun one because it's all about how the space race was really about Transformers. That's great. That's fun uh this movie was just it was pretty boring it was more boring than I would have liked. I will tell you that even though two and three aren't as good as one they're still fun. I'm still having a good time watching them this I I didn't have a lot of fun. I thought it was very dull. So I'm I'm I'm gonna keep trying to get through so I can see Age of Extinction but yeah you gotta watch you gotta report back about age of extinction and tell us what happened. I'll report back yeah because I feel like a lot happened before a lot of dinosaurs probably dino baby the dinobots it's good Tony tell us about something you like this week well I'm gonna do it two part the first one is I've already talked about a bunch but Transformers one is genuinely fun. I had a really good time and I think if you haven't seen it a long time you should go back and you should watch it because it is dumb fun popcorn movie it's great.
SPEAKER_02:I had a good time I really could not handle that movie because the visuals I won't say they nauseated me but they just it's it just angered me they just angered me so much just how the complete lack of clarity and how they they almost sure they almost rubbed it in your face how unclear everything was and and you're never gonna know you idiot you know that's what Michael Bay was saying in the edit room it's like it just that that just annoyed and I I know that I'm I'm not over that. Sure I I usually I could set a lot of things aside you know I'm I'm pretty good with not caring that that that CGI looks good or whatever. I'm just like at least if the design is kind of interesting I you know you know I I actually felt something when when Bumblebee you know got his voice back and spoke to Optimus. You know it what like you said it it wasn't paying anything off it wasn't in the service of anything where it could have been a but it could have been it could have been a truly emotional moment where you're like holy shit this could have been a movie moment. It could have been a true as opposed to eliciting some level of emotional response. Yeah it was it was a very small emotional response but it was an emotional response.
SPEAKER_01:But it did something you know they were almost there. They almost they kind they knew what they should do and they just couldn't quite get there. But it's you know good try. But good try everybody but I know that the and that's the thing is like I did not get disgusted by these these these robots these robots were they I don't think they were good or anything but they're fine they're fine yeah so yeah not too bad is that what you have to say is uh super I want to do a quick part two is I saw um one battle after what is it one battle after the other is that what it's called the Leo movie set on the airplane yeah well what'd you think of that I didn't care for it it was fine yeah it was like uh I was like yeah this is fine and everyone is and here's why I want to say it damn because everyone's everyone's given guff to F1 for getting nominated and here's I would watch F1 eight million times in a row before I ever watch the Leo movie again. So I don't care what you people say it's a better movie. Just hands down it's a better movie.
SPEAKER_02:Well okay I let I'll say a few things about the Leo movie. The whole the whole thing where he calls in and has to give the password yeah in a different movie that's a that's a 10 out of 10 scene incredible. It's incredible but in this movie you're just like it's stupid. It's a it's a bit agreed.
SPEAKER_01:It's a it's a it is a bit yes you're like why are you running a bit in the middle of your ostensibly very serious very serious movie yeah uh agreed it's and I yeah it's it could be a very very good scene in a different movie that's funny.
SPEAKER_02:You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:But yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Anyhow Benicio del Toro no I'm gonna talk about this Benicio del Toro sorry keep talking his whole part is incredible. I want to see his movie.
SPEAKER_01:Yes I'm like I'm intrigued by what's going on much rather see his movie who is this guy he runs this dojo but he's also running the town and he's running the resistance like what is go who are you I would love that movie.
SPEAKER_02:That's not the movie we get the movie we get and uh what's that there's I think there's one oh and the sound that the car makes that Leo chases down with just brilliant. Sure I never got tired of that I was like see that that was funny but it wasn't joke detract it didn't yeah it didn't detract from the seriousness of the film.
SPEAKER_01:Yes okay uh F1 say some more about F1 Tony that's I just F1 for for the Oscar you know what I'm saying let's get it let's get it guys never happening I know I know poor Brad Pitt poor Brad Pitt anyhow what did you see Dan did you watch the trailer to the new uh the adventures of Cliff Booth no I think no is that uh I think it was a real trailer is that from that stupid um film movie what's Tarantino's movie called from the stupid film movie uh once upon a time once upon time once upon a time in Hollywood yep if you just another movie I don't care for if you just watch there's like if you cut that movie down to 25 minutes 25 or 30 minutes most mostly if you take his three hour film and cut it down to a tight 15 there's some good stuff in there Bruce Lee bit the bit with him and his dog the the the ranch stuff is good and uh the last season
SPEAKER_02:Where he kills them all. That's a good movie.
SPEAKER_01:It's a good type movie. That's not the whole movie. That's the movie in my mind. That's fair. That's fair. I do that all the time, Dan. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I haven't watched much new, but I did start the America's Next Top Model documentary on Netflix. And it's funny, I'm I'm friends with somebody, not you know, I don't know her, but she she was like in the tenth season, and so she's now you know, she does weird, you know, pop culture art stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:She's like, you know, spilling the beans, you know, she got out her old photos and she'd been posting her photos, and I guess she pulled out her contract for the show.
SPEAKER_01:And I don't think you could do that.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, she has the contract, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, yeah, no, that's great. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And I guess one of the things in there is that there was like a line about uh what happens if she dies while making the sh move, making the show.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god. Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_02:Probably, you know, saying, you know, who's responsible if she dies.
SPEAKER_01:Jesus. Yeah, that's that's great. So that's good stuff. Sign that. There you go. Sign it right away. Wouldn't even worry about it. Wolf.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Uh, Tony. If we're doing a movie next week, we need a new one.
SPEAKER_00:We're doing a dance.
SPEAKER_02:Or we can do an old one. We can we can revisit the past. We're next.
SPEAKER_01:We're not gonna do an old one. We're gonna do a new one. Okay. I had a bunch of uh movies, and then you picked this movie, and I was like, you know what would be fun after this movie is to just do a Mark Wahlberg double feature picture show here. So we're gonna watch Mark Wahlberg's new instant classic banger uh by one of my favorite directors uh of all time, Shane Black on Amazon Prime. Oh Jesus and it is called Play Dirty. Very excited about this. I think this have you heard it yet?
SPEAKER_02:I uh what is what's it about? Did you watch it already? No, I've not watched it, but I definitely saw something about it. But I which what is it? What's it about?
SPEAKER_01:It's uh an American heist action comedy film co-written directed by Shane Black. That's what I got in the description here.
SPEAKER_02:I wonder if it'll be better than the Eddie Murphy uh uh I hope it's better than that.
SPEAKER_01:I think they came out at similar times, both on Amazon Prime. I'm almost positive. It's the same kind of movie, same kind of movie. It better be it better be better than that. I I don't know, because Shane Black hasn't done a movie in like seven years. I think Predator is the last one he did, isn't it? Oh man, we did that movie. That movie was bad. Yeah, it was. So hopefully this is at least a little better, but we'll see.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, Shane Black's the one that did good stuff very early in his career and then never did anything good again.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, like Lethal Weapon. Well, he did um the Russell Crowe, Ryan Gosling movie, but I God, I don't even know how long that ago that wasn't. That might have been Nice Guys or whatever.
SPEAKER_02:I've never seen it, never seen it.
SPEAKER_01:I think that I think that might be longer ago than I think, now that we're talking about it. Hold on. I'm getting into his IMDB right now. Ryan Gosling, nine years old. Um The Nice Guys was 2016. It's 10 years ago. I mean, he's only done Predator. He did Predator in 2018, and that was the last movie he did, The Predator.
SPEAKER_02:We did that one, right? That's the one where the guy mails the helmet to himself or something.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. That was bad. That's exactly right. So hopefully, you know, hopefully he's getting it back because he wrote my favorite movies of all time Lethal Weapon, Monster Squad, Blast Boy Scout, Last Action Hero. I mean, those are all great movies. Frankenstein died. Kiss, kiss, bang, bang. Wait, what happened? The Monster Squad Frankenstein guy, he died. I thought you were talking, and yeah, sorry.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, Jacob and Lordy died, though. That's what I'm saying. No, the guy that played Frankenstein in uh in uh Monster Squad died.
SPEAKER_01:That's very sad.
SPEAKER_02:You didn't even know.
SPEAKER_01:He was great. By Phoebe. Oh god. That's from the movie.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I remember. I watched it. That's the ultimate act of friendship. I watched that movie.
SPEAKER_01:Oh god. Dan, it's a good movie. Don't pretend it's it's not better than Goonies. I mean, Goonies is terrible. Yeah, Goonies is terrible. You're right. That's just what everybody compares.
SPEAKER_02:I won't say Monster Squad is terrible, but it's not as I'll say it's not as bad as Goonies.
SPEAKER_01:Hey, that's all I need, you know. Childhood Me is very pleased.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, we'll we'll be back next week talking about whatever movie you just mentioned. Play Dirty. Play date with uh Shane Black. I'm gonna need you to remember Play Dirty, and you're gonna need to watch it. I just look up Wahlberg on uh on Amazon all five. All right, that's fair. I know where to look. I know where to look. Yeah, that that is that's a terrible name for a movie, probably because they didn't have a good idea. So Shane Black.
SPEAKER_01:That sounds about right. Yeah. Shane Black, play dirty. Love Wahlberg.
SPEAKER_02:If you like us, if you like us, leave us a thumbs up, leave a comment, or subscribe. Uh, you know, otherwise we'll uh if you don't do those things, we'll still be back next week and uh talking about it won't really matter.
SPEAKER_01:Not gonna change our lives. Play dirty. There you go. Goodbye, everybody.