Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching The Animal: Beast Mode Or Bust
A goat gag, a blow dart, and one perfect Norm Macdonald riff walk into a movie. We dive into The Animal with our gloves off and our sense of humor intact, asking a simple question that unlocks the whole watch: can lowbrow comedy land when the lead can’t elevate the bit? One of us relishes the film’s shameless silliness and second-screen charm; the other sees a conveyor belt of half-built jokes that never earn their own punchlines. From the evidence-room meltdown to the press conference “what’s in my butt” moment, we break down why justification is the secret ingredient that turns a smirk into an actual laugh.
We pull on the bigger comedy thread too—what separates Rob Schneider’s neutral energy from Jim Carrey’s bit-running force of nature, and why even a brief cameo can reveal the gulf. Then Norm Macdonald storms in with a mob scene so precisely built—questions, rhythm, escalation—that it becomes a mini masterclass in how to make a premise sing. Around that, we interrogate the movie’s inconsistent “animal science,” the romance logic that never makes sense, and the tonal snapping between mailbox-humping discomfort and a dolphin-style hero save that forgets the seal on the poster.
Beyond the laughs and groans, we branch into what keeps movies in the culture. We celebrate the early-2000s needle drops that still slap, contrast box office muscle with cultural cachet through the Avatar lens, and talk about spectacle that satisfies in the moment but leaves no totems behind. We also swap notes on Under the Silver Lake, where mood can outlast meaning, and wrestle with the Stranger Things finale—how manipulation and catharsis can coexist when the craft is confident. Stick around to the end for our next watch: Steven Soderbergh’s Presence, a ghost’s-eye experiment that promises rules, restraint, and plenty to argue about.
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Sorry you had to go through that on a Saturday. You know, it's tough. It's tough stuff.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, that does not sound like you mean that at all.
SPEAKER_01:Shoot. Here, let me try it again. Hold on. Let me go back to one. Jeez, I'm a number. Oh, it's me acting like I care. Oh, yeah, I don't care. All right, roll cameras. Let's try that again.
SPEAKER_00:Dan and Tony. Watch it.
SPEAKER_02:What's up, Dave? Watching with Dan and Tony. I'm Dan. I'm Tony. We're starting late this uh this time because I had a camera problem.
SPEAKER_01:For the first time in 250 episodes, it's Dan's fault.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. But I figured it out, and here we are. Here we are once again. Barely. To talk about uh to talk about to talk about movies. Remember the movie? And maybe TV. Oh, I remember Do I remember the movie?
SPEAKER_01:I remember the movie. Oh, we're gonna feel differently about this movie. I'm so excited to talk about this. I'm pumped. Oh, really? Yeah, are you not excited? I mean boys can be.
SPEAKER_02:You know, like a fair amount of bestiality jokes. You know what? How could that go wrong? You're laughing so hard. It's bestiality. Oh, you made a fart joke.
SPEAKER_01:Two beast kisses. That's hot. I mean, how can you not laugh at that line? That's a great line, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:How can you laugh at anything in this movie?
SPEAKER_01:I laughed a bunch. So this is here's what I'll say. This is like you're like uh boob boo fart jokes.
SPEAKER_02:That's just so easy. That all this this whole we'll tell you what the movie is in a second, but all this movie does is go for the lowest hanging fruit, and then it never develops the joke, and then it just only makes one fart joke.
SPEAKER_01:So honestly, that's pretty good. How many asshole and butt jokes do they make? Tons of them, but they're not farts. All right. So they they take the fart joke and they elevate it, Dan. They elevate it. Yeah, that's the elevate about this movie. Big time. He's sniffing his butthole like a dog. Great stuff. Great stuff. I love it. Way better than the fart joke, which happened in the movie and was. I was like, oh boy, here we go. But they only did it once. It's fine. Twice? Did they do it twice? Now I'm having trouble remembering. So it wasn't a lot.
SPEAKER_02:What movie are we doing here, Tony?
SPEAKER_01:Who's the comedy genius that made this movie? It is the same comedy genius that made Playdate, which is the movie we did last week. So I was like, let's go way back in time to one of his first movies. It's a second movie. His name is Luke Greenfieldfeld. Greenfeld, I'm not really sure which one, uh, is the director. And he directed uh last year's Playdate with Alan Richeson. And then in 2001, he directed Rob Schneider's Banger, the Animal. Which is which is what we're this is that movie. We're doing that movie.
SPEAKER_02:Is this a better movie than Playdate? A better movie?
SPEAKER_01:No. You think this movie was funnier than Playdate? I think there was not a Kevin James black hole in this movie. So there wasn't anyone bringing it down. So what I will say is that wasn't Alan bringing it down. Hold on. The Alan Richeson highs of Playdate soar above anything in the animal. However, the black hole of Kevin James, the lows are so much lower. The animal rides comfortably in between as just like a really mediocre, silly film. That's how I feel about it.
SPEAKER_02:Man, you you really grew up on the Adam Sandler, so you just you can't regard this kind of garbage.
SPEAKER_01:I just we don't they don't make them like this anymore. Just silly. We don't care about anything. I disagree. I think that this belongs on a Netflix. This is perfect second screen viewing for uh for like the world that is now so devoted to second screen viewing. We I think the movies we make for that are worse than this movie. Infinitely. Here's what I will say the thing that surprised me the most was I did not expect to watch it and go, yeah, this is definitely the guy that made Playdate. I feel like there's a lot of similar sensibilities. And I was like, that's interesting. He hasn't changed in 25 years. Good for you.
SPEAKER_02:Stick to your guns, Luke.
SPEAKER_01:That's his thing.
SPEAKER_02:It's the same thing as Playdate. It took uh a guest star to come in there and deliver the one decent scene.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, R.I.P., he's a a genius. I miss him so much. You're talking about Norm, right? Just to be clear, you're talking about Norm MacDonald, the the best scene in this movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's I miss it.
SPEAKER_02:It just shows you the difference between a comedic actor and Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider does the does a bunch of stuff, and if if you're willing to think it's funny, okay, that's fine. But if you're not willing to think it's funny, he he doesn't add anything to any any anyone on the planet could do any of these things. Except for Kevin James. Oh, well, I mean, see, all all all you're setting up is that Kevin James is a black hole of comedy. Correct. Yeah. Rob Schneider is just he's a he's a he's a nothing. He's just a neutral.
SPEAKER_01:He's like, I mean, I mean, see, but neutral isn't that bad, Dan. I mean, uh in the grand scheme of things, I would take a neutral over a Kevin James. And that's all. I think that because we watched them back to back, it helped a lot. In general, not a big Rob Schneider fan. Don't think he's very talented. Uh also, Naomi was telling me he like came out and was like complaining that there's no roles for him anymore because he didn't fall in line with Democrats or something. I told you that last week. Did you tell me that? So I was like, someone told me this recently. And the whole thing is like, you're not good. So like just realize you have to have some sort of internal thing that's like, I'm not great, but I worked, and that's good. And like, if you can just find your niche, you can probably have a career, but you can't think that you're good. You can't be that that dumb. You just can't. I'm sorry, you can't be dumb.
SPEAKER_02:And I mean, this isn't this isn't even decent sitcom performance. It's just like it's really no sir.
SPEAKER_01:No, sir. Uh, but I think the jokes are funny. I don't think he delivers any jokes well, but I think there are funny comedic gags in the movie that I enjoyed a good deal.
SPEAKER_02:You don't mind a movie that's just doesn't take place in the real world at all, just as like gag after it's it it is the Jim Carrey sort of thinking about stuff. But not as good.
SPEAKER_01:It's it's a C minus Jim Carrey. Yeah, I know I'm agreeing with you. That is that is my favorite kind of comedy because here's the thing I look around, Dan. This world sucks. Why would you want to watch something that takes place in this shithole, right? So let's go to a world where things are better, people are somewhat nice to each other. You know, I I want to travel, that's why I watch movies. Get me out of here. Yeah. Get me out of here, mister. That's a happy Gilmore joke. Oh, and I thought it was I thought.
SPEAKER_02:That's why I didn't laugh, because it's not funny. It's like, oh, okay, yeah, good one.
SPEAKER_01:Hilarious. Happy Gilmore. We're talking about Rob and Adam, and I was like, watch this. I can pull this out organically. Fell on deaf ears. Unbelievable. Brutal.
SPEAKER_02:Because at least, I mean, I watched um one of those uh pet cemetery. I mean pet pet detective movies. What's it called?
SPEAKER_01:Pet cemetery and pet detective. Those are very different. Ace Ventura. Petura. Ace Ventura, when nature calls.
SPEAKER_02:Maybe I watched the second one.
SPEAKER_01:Is he in the jungle or is he in Miami Dolphins? You don't remember anything.
SPEAKER_02:I think I have that. I watched the first one later. I might have watched the second one at some point earlier. But you know, they're not movies for me, which is fine. But you know, Jim Carrey, he, you know, when he when he shows up in the different stupid costume, you're like, okay, this is this guy. He's gonna show up in the stupid costume, he's gonna do the thing.
SPEAKER_01:And he can do bits. He can run bits, absolutely. You know who can't run bits, Rob Schneider. Can't do it. That's why we don't try that hard to run bits in this. There's there's not a lot of bits.
SPEAKER_02:I was watching like a uh a podcast with Sarah Sherman and the Stavros, whatchamacallit guy, stand-up comedian. And you're just like, these are two people that could just, if they want to start running bits, then bits will occur. And you just like, if you're sitting on the couch with Rob Schneider and you throw a bit out there, you just know he's not gonna pick it up. He's not gonna be able to go anywhere with you. Oh bro, you run Saturday Night Live and you can't run a bit. This is so it's so sad.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I don't even remember what he did on SNL. Did he do any any good sketching?
SPEAKER_02:Ah, the the the bobinator. What you doing? Oh, the bobinator. He just sort of So no? Is the answer no? He was the monologuing office guy. He just office supplies guy, you know, oh paperclips, oh paperclips, paperclip, paperclips. It's it's kind of an Adam Sandler kind of, boy, paperclip, paper clip, paper clip.
SPEAKER_01:Maybe it was written for Adam and he was like, nah, I'm not gonna do it.
SPEAKER_02:And what about that? Adam Sandler shows up for one line too.
SPEAKER_01:You see, now it's it's just interesting to see the difference between those two cameos, isn't it? Like one of them is super, super funny and delivered expertly, and then the other one is Adam Sandler doing a weird homage to Rob Schneider in his own movie, but doing it so poorly. Like, worse. I think he here's what I think it is. He came in and was like, I don't want to show up my good friend Rob Schneider. So I'm gonna deliver the line that he says in my movies, but I'm gonna do it so much worse that people think that Rob Schneider is good at comedy. That must have been his his thought process going in. It must have been.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, do you think Adam Sandler could run bits?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I do. Haven't you seen Mr. Deeds? That's a great movie. No, Happy Gilmore, great movie. Billy Madison, great movie. No, stop looking at me, Swan. Great, great bit. Didn't run it, but you know, he had a line. That's good.
SPEAKER_02:They feel like this, this but slightly elevated. Which you know, sure. Okay. Sure, yeah, yeah. I would agree with that. Yeah. Um, the animal. Basically, the story about a guy who gets surgically implanted with animal animals, animal has to sort of come to terms with that while trying to.
SPEAKER_01:Because the animal nature is taking over as you know, as it would.
SPEAKER_02:And and one of the two things that happen with the animal nature. One of the two things he has to tamp down.
SPEAKER_01:Uh, his sexual prowess. That's the second one. And what's the first one? Just aggression. Just aggression. Okay. All right, got it. Yeah. Which is like two very male traits that are pretty problematic in society. So it's kind of, you know, it's actually a really smart elevated comedy, Dan. Is it?
unknown:No.
SPEAKER_01:No, but it probably could have been if they really thought about it. So spoilers ahead. Spoilers ahead. Spoilers ahead, everybody. Don't if you haven't seen the 2001 movie The Animal, turn it off and go watch it.
SPEAKER_02:So we start with our boy Marvin Mange. There's some uh great name. Yeah, great name. He lives in a small town, he's a slob. He gets up at 6 30 a.m., which I found very surprising.
SPEAKER_01:And you were like, boy, this guy's sleeping in. What a loser. That is sleeping in for me. Um I know.
SPEAKER_02:Um the newscast is on there's a cute girl who is saving the trees, and she's like, Thank you to the mentally disadvantaged child who sent me these poems. That was very nice. She read my poems.
SPEAKER_01:And then he says, She read my poems. That's the second laugh of the movie. You already missed the first laugh of the movie, Dan. The first laugh is the first line on the TV where they go, a girl's been living in a tree for a year. What? Why is that a year? A whole year? That's ridiculous.
SPEAKER_02:She lived in a tree for a whole year. Don't you remember that when we had those people doing that?
SPEAKER_01:No. Is that a thing? Did people live in there for a year?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, those those they protecting forests. They'd uh they'd go up the tree and then they'd live there.
SPEAKER_01:For a year, though. A year is where I'm getting I'm drawing the line. There's no way you can't last that long. Wow. Incredible. These people are very um They're dedicated. Dedicated. There you go. There you go. That's the word.
SPEAKER_02:Could learn something from them, Tony.
SPEAKER_01:I could have in a tree. You should go live in a tree. I'll do it for three days. I'll do it for a long weekend. A Martin Luther King holiday, you know, a President's Day, maybe. I'm not doing a full year. The whole world's falling apart. Tony will only do it for three days. Yeah, I mean, I got stuff to do. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Very important stuff. Um he he has asthma. Does that come into play ever again? Yeah.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's a funny bit. There's a really funny bit where once he gets his powers, he's running. He takes out his inhaler and he's like, I don't need it, and then throws it in the trash. So totally, totally worth it, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:Man, I missed that jump. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Well that's because it's not, it's not really a joke.
SPEAKER_02:It's not a joke. It's just a thing he does. Um, he he leaves via the garage door, which has all this stuff on it, and the garage door just opens and then the fish tank. Including a fish tank with a lid on it that doesn't pour out.
SPEAKER_01:Because it's got a lid on it. Because he knows that he opens his garage and all the stuff's on it. I mean, what a great bit. What a stupid, insane thing for no reason to put into your movie. Good for you, Luke Greenfield.
SPEAKER_02:No, he doesn't have to be a little bit more. He's got a real house.
SPEAKER_01:It's so stupid. It's stupid, and I loved it.
SPEAKER_02:He gets attacked by the uh local dog, Mrs. Delarosa's dog. He tries to jog, and an old man passes him by. Um on your left.
SPEAKER_01:That's a funny bit.
SPEAKER_02:He was fairly skinny at the beginning, and then when he gets the animal powers, he's he's a little more bulked up. A little.
SPEAKER_01:He tried. I think he did his best. There probably wasn't that long of a filming schedule where like he could really bulk up. Um, nor do I know if he can bulk up, but yeah, he he tried. You know what I mean? Seemed to have gained some weight.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Got a little thicker.
SPEAKER_02:He wants to be a police officer because his dad was a police officer. He instead is not really a police officer, he works in the evidence room.
SPEAKER_01:It's good. This is a good little scene.
SPEAKER_02:There are some kids, and then he's like, it's like, you know, go to go to the police station and learn what being a police officer is, and then the kids run wild, they beat him up, they spray paint.
SPEAKER_01:Well, they're mad that he's not a real they ask him if he's a real cop, and he's like, evidence clerks work very closely with real policemen. Very funny line. The kids go haywire, they attack him, he gets handcuffed to a thing, they're beating him, they tag him with loose on his shirt. It's great, great little scene.
SPEAKER_02:And then the his adversary in the in the thing, Captain Sisk, Sirsk, Sis, something like that. Oh, is that?
SPEAKER_01:He has a name?
SPEAKER_02:He has a name. I don't believe they ever saved, they maybe saved the name once. They don't say Marvin's name for a long time. Nope. Um, and he he takes the spray paint and puts the R on lose to make him a loser. So even in the police station, he gets no respect. That's right. Respect, I'm telling you. Oh, Sergeant Sergeant Sisk. Sisk.
SPEAKER_01:That's hard to say. No wonder they don't say it very often in the movie.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. They don't. It's a very strange thing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's not like a regular last name. I don't know why you wouldn't just give him a name.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know, man. So Edwards. Seems like a weird choice. Ed Esner plays the police chief to little or no effect. He's got one joke. He's got a one good joke. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:He did have one joke, and uh we'll all hit it when we get there, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:I I saw him near the end of his life.
SPEAKER_01:That's all. He's great. I I mean, I didn't know him personally, but uh he was very talented. I enjoyed him a lot.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So to become a police officer, he has to tackle the obstacle course.
SPEAKER_01:Which is the weirdest thing in the world. Not that that is not that that is what you have to do, because that's one of the things you have to do. Just the obstacle course that they've set up is not insane. It's insane. Nope, nope, not real at all. They have a homeless guy with a sign that says like help me or something, and he's on fire. So Rob Schneider tips him instead of putting the fire out. I don't even understand. And then there's an old lady that kicks the shit out of him for some reason. I don't even know what her bit was. Um, and then they get to a part where they have to put on their police uh bulletproof vests, and then Ed Asner is just hiding behind a corner and shooting people. He just pops out and shoots you in your armor. And Rob Schneider has a great bit where he's putting it on like a diaper, and then Ed Asner shoots him in the balls. Great stuff. Great stuff, Dan. Great stuff.
SPEAKER_02:And then he gets to the wall, and he fails at the wall, and then he pees his pants because he peed his pants the last time. Because it's just like the fourth time or something.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I don't know. I totally understand. Well, here's my problem with is they call him shit stains, but he peed his pants. Yeah. So if you're gonna have him pee his pants, his nickname should be something about pee stains, not shit stains, or have him shit his pants. You can't do both of them, they don't make sense together in your movie. Sorry, guys. Pick one. They're neither are funny. Let me be very clear. Neither of those things would be funny, but you have to pick one. Can't do both.
SPEAKER_02:Can't do both. He meets his friends at the local bar, which is kind of Polynesian-y, at least for this one scene.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it seems like maybe it's a theme night, because I feel like when we go back, it seems different.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it does seem different. Uh his friends are Miles, who's African American, whose bit is saying that he can get away with anything because he's African American.
SPEAKER_01:That has not aged well. No, but it does lead to the funniest line in the entire movie.
SPEAKER_02:It does lead to the only sort of i interesting switch up premise. Yeah, the final sort of switch up. You're like, oh, okay, that's that It's a resolve that works within the logic of this movie.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. And what's his what's his other friend's name, Tony?
SPEAKER_01:Uh Chubbs. Tabot. Fatty. Is it Fatty? So I was I was almost gonna guess that, but I was like, that's too mean. So then I went with like slightly less mean connotations of being overweight. Son of a bitch. I should have just gone for it. He has no other name than Fatty. Oh god. That is on my that's newly on my list of goals for life. It's just to play a character called Fat in some way. That's great. I would do that in a heartbeat.
SPEAKER_02:Oh God. He goes to the bathroom and in the bathroom is Rihanna the Tree Girl. Did you know who she was? You know, the actress playing Rihanna the Tree Girl.
SPEAKER_01:No, did you? Oh yeah. No, who is she?
SPEAKER_02:She is Colleen Haskell. I think it's Colleen Haskell. I think it's Colleen. She was on the first season of Survivor.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, see, that's one reality show we never got into because it's you know it's too real.
SPEAKER_02:So she was on the first season and probably made it into the top top three or four people.
SPEAKER_01:And um I would have Do you vote on that show? No. No, no, they play they play like games. Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:They vote, they vote them, they vote them. Oh, that's what it is.
SPEAKER_01:The people on the show vote you off. Okay. I sorry. I'm not a Survivor guy. I'm gonna get panned in the in the comments. Cheese.
SPEAKER_02:You're so panned. Um, and so she did this movie right off of right off of Survivor, not an actress. Surprise, uh spoilers.
SPEAKER_01:Um, it is surprising because she's not the worst person in the movie, so good for you. Who's the worst person in the movie? Rob Schneider, I would say. Or Adam Sandler's cameo.
SPEAKER_02:You think she's a better actress than he is, an actor.
SPEAKER_01:I do. Yeah. Do you not? Do you disagree? I don't know. She wasn't, I she didn't she didn't stick out as bad in my mind. She was just like, oh, this is someone I've never seen before. Yeah. That was all I that's all I really thought.
SPEAKER_02:So, and then she went on to do like two, maybe two guest spots on a couple of TV shows, and then was sort of worked for somebody in someplace, and then left entertainment completely, and there's nothing else about her on the internet that I could find. Well, I didn't search everything, but on Wikipedia.
SPEAKER_01:I hope that she's okay. I hope she's alive. I hope it's not like a sad thing, but also like it's probably not a great industry. So get out.
SPEAKER_02:She made the right choice to get the heck out.
SPEAKER_01:Amen. She probably wasn't treated super well on this movie, if I had to guess. Oh, I don't know about that. Pure speculation, by the way. It seemed like they had a good time, but it seemed like she seemed like she was doing fine. I mean, she was game. She was she definitely seemed like she was down for it. I just, I don't know. You know? A lot of leering in this movie. That's all. Well, yeah, it's a lot of people. There's a lot of objectification in the movie. So I just, you know, I don't know. Does that bleed over? I don't know.
unknown:I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, yeah, there's a a number of things, you know, that you're like, okay.
SPEAKER_01:Problematic to say the least.
SPEAKER_02:Let's move away from that. Um, so she's using the men's bathroom because the women's is packed, and they they have a little interchange, and he's just he's bad at girls, is what I wrote. He seems to be bad at everything.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Uh, he gets he goes home, he watches a TV commercial for a supplement called Badger Milk.
SPEAKER_01:Very funny.
SPEAKER_02:And then this was the one funny thing. The badger milk was funny because they had a shot of a milking machine hooked up to a badger, which I was like, that is almost very funny. I thought it was I thought it was very funny. Uh I like the oh, sorry, yeah. Other other than norm, I didn't find anything else in this movie funny.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, well, that's shocking because I do. Uh, I also found the line that's like it he they list all the benefits, and he's like, nothing else would give you those benefits legally. And I was like, what does that mean? You gotta do it's steroids.
SPEAKER_02:You just like a lot of non-sequiturs, don't you?
SPEAKER_01:You're you're non-sequiturs are great. If you can if you can land them. I do love a nice non-sequitur. There's actually there's a great line in the television show Bent, only lasted for like six episodes. I'm sure I've talked about it. It's a great show. Uh, but there's literally a joke where he points out that something is a non-sequitur, and it's my favorite, it's one of my favorite jokes in the whole show. I do I do love it.
SPEAKER_02:That weird Australian comedy troupe of like the three guys, the Auntie Donna.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we love Auntie Donna. Yeah. Auntie Donna.
SPEAKER_02:See, now that's great, that's at least a funny way of doing this kind of material.
SPEAKER_01:Well, yeah, they're good at it. You know what I mean? Like they're good at it. You leave it to the professionals, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:He goes to the station. He's at work at the station. Fatty wants to go play in the softball game with all the other police. So all the other police are all playing softball leaves. Yeah, every single one. They leave him in charge of the place. He sort of fools around with the guns, drops the gun, it goes off. See consequences of it.
SPEAKER_01:So he takes the gun and he is um what's the right word? Like it's not his dream, he's dreaming of it, but he's like pretending he made it. He finally made it to the big leagues. And his whole thing is he makes a mistake about pulling a gun on someone. Oh, you got a receipt for that? My mistake. That's that was his like big moment. Usually you see people are like, uh, make my day, right? Those types of things. But even in his dreams, he's bad at being a policeman. I thought that was very funny.
SPEAKER_02:See, I think that's what you do. You all you do this, Tony, which is very interesting. You like look at that and you like build this whole life out, you know, you build like the movie from that where you're like, okay, and I sit here and I'm like, well, yeah, that's that is a funny setup of a premise that a real movie could could delve into. This movie just like take notes, toss it off and leave. Toss it off and leave. Well, sure. Sure.
SPEAKER_01:It's not a good movie, Dan. Not a good movie. Well, it's a fine movie. I had a fine time. I had a good time.
SPEAKER_02:He drops the gun, it goes off, and then he gets a call about a robbery, and he can't call the other guys, so he gets in his car. Uh, as he's driving, he drops the radio out the window. There's a seal, the animal, a seal, in the road, and so he goes off that you know, he goes off the road, and then we crash, crash, crash, crash, and then it hits into a tree, knocks over the room.
SPEAKER_01:It goes on for so long, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know why. I I just This movie doesn't prime me for the for getting into it. Yeah, no, no. And so like once once it's kind of like if you're at a comedy show and the person loses you, you're lost forever.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you're not in the mood all of a sudden. Now, even if you say something funny, it's like, well, fuck you.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you're like, oh, I get it. Yeah, I get it. You know, I'll write down the jokes, they're just not my jokes. Uh so he kind of like at the very end, a giant boulder hits the car. And I was like, the boulder's funny. It was funny. Yeah. I didn't very stupid. I was surprised by the boulder.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's something. It was surprising.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Uh he's all fucked up. He imagined, he he doesn't remember anything, but he gets operated on. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Real weird scene. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:He wakes up back in the car. Uh, some immigrants give him a ride back to his uh his house. Interesting, interesting thing there. Surprise, surprise. Um, at home, the dog that did attack him is now scared of him. He gets the lumpy badger milk and starts drinking that.
SPEAKER_01:And so oh, you can handle that, the lumpiness. I couldn't handle the the noises they put in for it. The I just I have a very weak constitution. I'll just tell you that right now. It was too much for me.
SPEAKER_02:It's interesting because I was thinking about it. And everyone complains about CGI this, CGI that, and it's like sure. We all know when we're in the movies that it's all artifice, right?
SPEAKER_01:It doesn't seem like it sometimes that people know that. But yeah, I agree with you.
SPEAKER_02:I I live in, you know, except when you're except when what's her name, stepping on the nail, you know, or things that are really powerfully visceral. Like the pouring out the milk, it's like, I know that that's not anything. I know they just mix that stuff up. Is it?
SPEAKER_01:But what is it? Can you imagine the things they had to combine for it to make to make that shape? And then he and he tastes it as an actor. Oh, what a bad day. What a bad day. I had to, so I did this sketch comedy show back uh a long time ago before I moved out to LA. It's called uh Mad About. It was a children's sketch comedy show, and I was playing Zombie Dad was my character, and I had to eat brains for an entire sketch, which we filmed, so I had to eat brains for like an hour and a half, something like that. And the brains were cottage cheese mixed with, I don't remember what it was mixed with. Can't eat cottage cheese ever again. I've never every time I look at cottage cheese, I want to vomit because that day I was just shovel, shoveling it in, and it was it was tinged with something to make it pink, and it wasn't food coloring, I don't remember what it was, and it was just the grossest thing in the world. And now I can't eat cottage cheese. I will throw up. So it's just, you know, I look at those things and I'm like, ugh, what's going on? What's going in your mouth, Rob? Don't do it.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Uh the next morning, uh oh, so he's drinking the he's drinking the badger milk, he takes a shower and then shakes off like a dog. He's a little more muscular, and then they go to his back, and there's a huge X. Oh, he has a little hole on the front, and he goes to the back, there's a gigantic X scar. Yeah, and then his butt's hairy. And I was like, should have just been the scar.
SPEAKER_01:But whatever. I agree with you. I I'm not gonna disagree with that. Yeah. He goes back to work because everyone else just has the scar. Because they show two or three other people with the scars. Nobody else has a big hairy ass.
SPEAKER_02:You know, he gets back to work. Fatty says, You've been gone for eight days. Okay. Uh he goes out there, he goes for his morning run. He can run faster than a horse. He then is in the park, and here comes Rihanna walking some dogs. He dominates the dogs, and then he chases a Frisbee and catches it and brings it back to her. Every time he does weird stuff, she's like, Oh, she's totally cool with it. She's totally cool with it.
SPEAKER_01:So weird. Uh, yeah, you gotta love it. You gotta love how how much that makes no sense whatsoever. It's great.
SPEAKER_02:It's interesting. Uh, he goes to the airport where his buddy Miles works. Uh, Miles is smoking to show that no one's gonna make him stop smoking because he's black. That was weird.
SPEAKER_01:That one was like it is weird. It's the thing is the bit is weird throughout the movie, and then it pays off. So I'm not mad at it. It is the one bit that pays off in itself. So yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um that's a lesson. That's a lesson, everybody. Pay off your bits. Even if they don't work in the beginning, hit them harder and pay them off. That's my motto. I mean, the bit worked. It was just a questionable. You know, you're just like you're it's borderline, like, uh-oh.
SPEAKER_02:But just the whole idea your bit is that black people get to get away with whatever they want because they're black. Is no, that's that's not a that's that very wrong bit.
SPEAKER_01:It is very wrong because we've we've seen the opposite.
SPEAKER_02:Um he smells something, he realizes that this one guy has drugs, he goes after him, and then it's not on his person, and so then he smells his butt, then he reaches down the guy's pants and pulls the drugs out of his butt. And there's a joke. Hold on. Did you write down? I wrote down what they said. Uh um, so he pulls out the things. There's a couple of gay guys that say, Oh, we should invite him to our parties. No, no, they say, I hope he's on our flight. Oh, I hope he's on our flight.
SPEAKER_01:Which is a great line.
SPEAKER_02:My favorite, my only line of the movie that I really wrote down that I kind of liked was the the police officers that work at the airport say, What's your name? And he's like, Marvin. And he then he's like, says, You'll be hearing from us. What? Who? How? What are you talking about? What does that mean? You'll be hearing from us. What is what is what is that? That was so weird. We cut to the press conference that he's now a full member of the uh police force. And then we get we get some whole, then we get a this let's let's let's let's let's run this joke by Tony, and Tony can explain to us this joke.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, I got you.
SPEAKER_02:I got you. I'm one of the reporters. Is it true that you can smell things in people's butts? Yes, yes, I can. Well, what's in my butt? And what does he say, Tony?
SPEAKER_01:I'd I'd rather not do that, sir. No, he says, yeah, that then when he's well he does that. And then the guy's like, no, come on, come on, tell me what's what's in it? And it's car keys. I don't know. So now did you laugh at that? I did not. Oh, because because car keys isn't funny, right? Car keys, yeah, it's not funny. There's not a funny reason for them to be. It's weird. So it's more just like the guys the guy is testing him, right? Quote unquote. And the people that wrote it are just like, what's a weird thing you put up a butt? Oh, keys, because they wouldn't go up very well, right? They're rigid, they're they're not shaped right. But it's not funny. Like, it would be funnier if that guy had something up his rectum for a real reason. Like, not and this is this is not a good pitch. Remember the the old rumor about Richard Gere putting a gerbil up his butt.
SPEAKER_02:You can't do that joke. No, you can't do that joke. Let me rephrase that.
SPEAKER_01:They might do this joke, but that's a dumb joke to do. It's a dumb joke to make. My point is it's something that was already in his rectum for a different reason. Here's my joke. You know what I mean? Here's my pitch. Okay, what's your pitch? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:A wallet? And the guy goes, Yes, I've been robbed so many times. Right? You you gotta, you gotta, you gotta justify the joke.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. There's no justification of car keys. That's what I'm yeah, that's there's no reason for the car keys to be in this anus. There's no there's and there's no funny reason for it. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02:Like, yeah, this has to be something if he says car keys, then the dude has to say this suit doesn't have any pockets, you know? Right.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, something that's something other than just the fact that he's like, oh, I put something up there to see if this guy could guess it. That's not that's not funny.
SPEAKER_02:Didn't make any sense. Not good. That's when I got really angry. Uh that's fair. I never got no I never got angry during this movie. And I'm not angry that you like this movie.
SPEAKER_01:It's very much they don't take big enough swings to get mad, I don't think. Yes. You know what I mean? They play a lot of it pretty safe.
SPEAKER_02:Um, boom, here comes the doctor. He approaches him and says, Ah, don't you remember I put you back together? And then he's like, You gotta come with me, and he's like, I'm not coming with you, you're crazy. And the doctor pulls out a blow dart, first blow dart goes through a window, hits a woman, and she falls over. That was kind of the neighbor.
SPEAKER_01:It hits the neighbor who owns the dog that bit him. That's kind of funny.
SPEAKER_02:And then it does another one and hits him, and then he he does a I Rob Schneider does have a little facility for physical comedy.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he does. This is a good scene for showing it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:He does some physical comedy of falling over. Once again, yeah. I guess that yeah, I don't know. Uh they take him to the he takes him back to the lab. In the lab, there's kind of a giant hamster cage, which he's like, you're gonna basically live here now. It's a fun set. It's a fun set, but it doesn't get used. And it's not a cage, so he doesn't get locked in it for a while. I thought he was gonna get locked in it.
SPEAKER_01:I was really hoping he was gonna have to drink water from one of those big dispensers.
SPEAKER_02:He didn't. They probably didn't want to pay for that prop for some reason.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:He meets all the animals, the seal and the moonwalking monkey, and then he's he's like uh weird Michael Jackson joke, yeah. Yeah, he's like, okay, you gotta live here now because you're not gonna be able to control your animal this, and then he's like, Well, I don't think so. I'm gonna I'm not I'm actually not gonna do that.
SPEAKER_01:So see you later.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Now is this This isn't where we no, we this isn't where we start talking about sex, is it? No, not yet. I don't know. Uh turns out that he's on a 30-day probation of being an officer, and so he's gotta be good. What's that?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he's gotta make it through.
SPEAKER_02:Eating chicken in front of them, throws the chicken in the trash, and then he uh he jumps at the trash and starts eating the trash, and then Ed Asner comes in and gives his joke.
SPEAKER_01:I've eaten out of the trash before, something like that. Yeah. No, so that one's not good. His joke is still coming.
SPEAKER_02:TBD, it's still on the way, dude. Oh, still coming. Uh he's he's on patrol, he sees a hot woman, he gets sexually attracted to her, and then he goes and has sex sex with a post office.
SPEAKER_01:Just humps the mailbox, yeah. Yep. Which is a real, real weird joke if you think about it, you know, because it's it's it's problematic because men are terrible, right? And he's leering and then just like full on humping the mailbox. It's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to watch for me.
SPEAKER_02:Um, the problem is you have uh the movie American Pie. Is that what it's called?
SPEAKER_01:Great movie.
SPEAKER_02:Where the kid has sex with the pie. With the pie.
SPEAKER_01:Well, just tell your mother that we ate it.
SPEAKER_02:And everyone remembers that.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes, we do.
SPEAKER_02:No one will remember him having sex with a P.O. box and go, Oh, that was so funny.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:That's why you gotta you gotta give us a little more, you gotta give us a second thought. You can't, you know, have him run in there, grab a loaf of bread, have him do something. Do something. Do anything.
SPEAKER_01:Do anything would be good.
SPEAKER_02:Because you're not having sex with the post office box because he finishes and he nothing has happened, and he's wearing pants and nothing.
SPEAKER_01:And also, like, he's not tall enough to reach the slot, so he's just humping the side of a mailbox. We all know it. Like, we're not we don't think he's inside the mailbox, guys. We're not that stupid, okay? Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Uh he goes to see Rihanna, she's at the animal shelter. He tries to eat one of the fish, and then it's all wet, and she invites him into the back, and she's like And she's like, Oh, cool, that doesn't that's not weird at all.
SPEAKER_01:Come on back, normal guy.
SPEAKER_02:She's nursing this turkey vulture back to head. Health.
SPEAKER_01:Yep.
SPEAKER_02:And then he's like, she's like, it's not eating. And so he's like, well, let's give me that worm. I'll chew up this worm and then let it eat the worm out of my mouth.
SPEAKER_01:So here's my problem with this scene. This speaking of Ace Ventura, Dan, this is a direct ripoff of Ace Ventura. Ace Ventura did this joke already.
SPEAKER_02:Ace Ventura came out before this movie, I assume. Right.
SPEAKER_01:By like five or six years. Yeah. It's because that's a that's a mid-90s uh duo. Got it. And he does the feeding baby baby burning him. Yeah, he's he did that whole joke, and I was like, oh, I've already seen this, but way, way better. That's a problem. You gotta be careful if you're stealing jokes, guys. Either do it better or do like some sort of a variation, a twist on it that I don't see coming. You can't do the same joke worse. That's not good. It's not good. It's not good.
SPEAKER_02:I'm sorry. This is the point at which she falls in love with him. Um then she would never work, by the way. What would never work? She wouldn't fall in love with him because she couldn't.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:No one can fall in love with Ralph Schneider.
SPEAKER_01:I assume someone fell in love with him at some point. That's not what I was saying. I just mean chewing up a worm and then letting a bird eat it out of your mouth isn't gonna do it. I'm I'm just telling you. Don't try it.
SPEAKER_02:And then he fights with an orangutan, which was kind of funny.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's it's fun. It it ends funny where she turns around and then they're both smiling as if the orangutan also knows that he has to be good. Like, that's funny to me, and you know, it's fun that the orangutan's just slapping Rob Schneider like very clearly, which is always something that we probably all want to do. So it's cathartic.
SPEAKER_02:Goes back to the bar, hangs out with the guys, and there they they talk about having to admit you have a problem. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, weird, weird porn addict jokes. I didn't write anything.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I didn't get it either.
SPEAKER_01:Fatty's weird.
SPEAKER_02:Um, so he has this sort of night. Well, we have a we have a a uh what's that called when you just sh looking off the front of a camera? Uh single front person. Front person, what's that called? When you're when you're doing the a POV, we have a POV shot of what we think is him going wild in the night, and he wakes up in a butcher shop and his belly is like distended because of all the meat he's eaten. So he thinks that he's a monster doing these things. Or start starting to do bad things. Which doesn't make any sense.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Because the first one is him, and then the other ones are not him, or sort of not him, or we're not sure. Yeah, something something like that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Can't think about it too much, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:He goes back to the barn where the uh whatchamacallit, the doc lives, works it off, and the doctor's like so fast.
SPEAKER_01:It's it's such a funny, not funny, funny, but like it's funny that they took the time to make his belly fat because they literally just put him on the thing for two seconds. They're like, okay, and you're good now. Not worth the joke. Not worth the bit, guys. Sorry, not worth it.
SPEAKER_02:And this is when the doc starts explaining that he's got problems. He puts him in a cone and then he sort of rubs against the thing, and he just takes the cone off.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. And like two bits back to back that they're just like, eh, you do for a couple seconds and then we're done. You know, it's fine.
SPEAKER_02:So he says, I'm gonna call you Snowball. So we do like a little bit where he'll change his thing that doesn't make sense.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, Snowball already has a name. Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:He offers him a gigantic table of meat where he can satisfy his number one urge, which is hunger, and then his number two urge is sex, and he's like, and I can take care of that for you, and then he we see the chimpanzee is wearing a dress. So he's supposed to fuck the chimpanzee to get his sexual frustration.
SPEAKER_01:Very weird joke. Very, very weird joke. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It was weird. Um, and now when he goes back to work, he and Sisk are gonna be partners, so Sisk can keep track of him. Uh, there's only one week left of probation. He barks at people, he eats a slim gym. He sees a they go to a farmer's place, there's a goat tied up, he wants to have sex with the goat, he makes out with the goat, he's asked.
SPEAKER_01:I thought this one was funny.
SPEAKER_02:You thought it was funny that he wants to have sex with a goat.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. Okay. It I did. Because he's having the conversation with the two gentlemen, and he keeps looking over at the goat, and he's like, Oh, she's in the heat, huh? Like, nobody, nobody's noticing that he's clearly eye fucking the goat. It's funny to me because it's ridiculous. And then he goes over there, and then it's less funny while he's over there because it is weird. Kudos to Rob for going for it. He does literally make out with the goat head. Uh, but then it ends funny because the goat uh kicks him. The child kicks him across the yard, and that's funny.
SPEAKER_02:He meets Rihanna walking the dogs again, and then Sisk is with him, and he tries to hit on her, and then she's like, I've got a I've got a date with uh with uh Marvin.
SPEAKER_01:With Marvin here. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:I think the final bit of this day is they go to the mayorial charity event. He chases a cat into the bush. Everyone's like, Oh my god, this is so embarrassing, so embarrassing. And then he goes, like, wait, I smell something, runs off, dives into the pond like a dolphin, brings up the mayor's kid who just drowned to death, and saves him, and then does dolphin tricks, and then everyone's very happy.
SPEAKER_01:I know that we can't overthink this, yeah, right. But he got seal parts. Right?
SPEAKER_02:Shouldn't he be doing seal bits instead of dolphin bits? I this is this is one thing that I do not even care about. I say a lot, I'll criticize this movie for a lot of things, but I'm I'm not gonna cramp on this movie for the bad science and the bad, you know, animal. You know, he shouldn't just have cat, dog, and monkey and seal. You know, he does a dolphin thing, he does dolphin tricks. I'm like, that's that's whatever.
SPEAKER_01:It's fine, but he doesn't ever do anything seal-like. Not that I maybe seals don't do a lot. Maybe that's the problem. Seals do one thing, they balance, they'll balance on their nose. That's the beach ball, right? Yeah, why isn't he doing that in the water, Dan? That's all I'm saying. Listen, it's just show me the seal like multiple times.
SPEAKER_02:No, this movie does not, there are no, and that's the thing. I'm willing to see, I will let go. I'm not gonna sit here going like they broke the rules.
SPEAKER_01:They broke the rules. I but I I am big on rules. If you set up the rules and deliver the rules, I'm all on board. If you break your own rules, I get upset because it's your movie. You can do whatever you want, just set it up earlier.
SPEAKER_02:I love that you're offset about him be doing dolphin moves when he doesn't have dolphin. We don't know what parts he has in them.
SPEAKER_01:You can have freestyle dolphin parts to put in. But that's what I'm saying. Tell me that then. Show me that somewhere. Just give me one little dolphin picture. You know what I mean? But you've showed me the seal several times. The seal was the catalyst for his his murder, right? The seal was a it's in the lab. He never does a seal thing.
SPEAKER_02:They didn't use the seal because the seal was out of the lab.
SPEAKER_01:Ugh. Maybe they didn't sense. You're right. Maybe they didn't use the seal, I guess. There you go.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, charity event saves the kid. He's back on the force. The mayor pats him on the head and he demands. See, sometimes, sometimes they do right. The mayor pats him on the head and then stops, and then he's like, he nudges it to get more pats. I'm like, uh, okay. Great.
SPEAKER_01:And that's a nice subtle little bit. You know what I mean? Like it's not as in your face as a lot of the stuff.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. They go to the bar uh and to celebrate, and he tells his friends everything, and then they don't believe him. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. He's got his big date with Rihanna. He eats a bunch of meat beforehand. He goes to it, lo and behold, it's a vegetarian restaurant.
SPEAKER_01:Stupid bit. Stupid. But I do like, I do like the that he shovels the food off the plate. Just throws it on the floor.
SPEAKER_00:Just on the floor. It's so stupid.
SPEAKER_02:Because she's never gonna see that, and no one's gonna walk by, and no one's ever gonna see a big pile of food literally.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it's so stupid. I love it.
SPEAKER_02:The hot waiter, Italian waiter hits on her, and then when she goes to the bathroom, he pees on the floor. She comes back and she's like, it's musty smelling.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I didn't like that joke.
SPEAKER_02:Uh she has like a little bit of food on her face, he like licks it off, and she's like, Oh, that's easy.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, again, she's game, but she said it's weird. Weird. I don't like it.
SPEAKER_02:Um he has to go to the bathroom twice to masturbate. Once he masturbates as a horse, and once he masturbates as a elephant, I think.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Uh the waiter continues to hit on her, and then he goes out for a smoke break and he attacks him like a goat. Nothing like toxic masculinity, huh?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Great stuff.
SPEAKER_02:Uh at the end of the day, he gets a kiss on the cheek, and then tomorrow's the big turkey vulture day.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Right. Which which we don't really do. No, no, we sure don't.
SPEAKER_02:We kind of do. Well, we kind of don't do. Uh, and then he pees on he as he he stops leaving, goes back, pees on her door a bunch. Twice. Yep. Twice. Great stuff. Great stuff. Tony just love you. Love the bodily fluids all over the place. You're like, it's funny.
SPEAKER_01:Love, blah, blah. I love it when he licks her. I love it when he pees on everything. Great stuff, guys. Really good.
SPEAKER_02:Uh, we have the POV shot of someone running wild and attacking cows. The next day we find out that there's a dead cow, and then we get a description of the perp, and uh Ed Ezner shows it to him, it's an exact picture of him.
SPEAKER_01:This is one of my are there, two of my favorite jokes in this whole movie that are not uh uh McDonald. The the farmer who's crying about his cows. Oh, yeah. He's like, and the other cows are too afraid to eat or shit, and that's all they got. That's a funny line. That's a funny line, Dan. Get over yourself. It's funny. That's I that was it, that's uh that's very funny.
SPEAKER_02:I registered that line. I was like, oh, it's good. You registered it. Tell you the truth. I registered that line. I was like, yeah, I think shitting is not something you do by choice.
SPEAKER_01:Sure. Sure, sure. I I can understand that. I can understand that. Yeah. Um let's see. This is the this is my favorite Ed Asner joke, by the way. Okay, give me the Ed Asner joke. So he's talking to Rob Schneider and he's like, Can you tell me why this guy looks exactly like you and all this stuff? Or do you worship Satan? And Schneider is just slowly going down and starts licking his balls to clean off the donuts that he ate. And Ed Asner delivers the line, and you are going to have to teach me how you do that. Which is very funny. It was very funny. Blow his own cock. Yeah. I mean, it's not different than masturbation, Dan. I think it's a little different.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's a little different. But you don't know because you can't do it. All right. Rob Schneider can. So Rihanna's worried about Marvin, so she goes to his house. He's oh, he got fired. She went on paid leave. The chief. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Suspended or whatever. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:He has turned the whole house into a beaver den.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I didn't get it. I don't understand.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, it's fine. I don't know why. So basically, she's like, I'm in love with you. You know, we're gonna make this work.
SPEAKER_01:For unknowable reasons. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:For unknowable reasons. And then he's like, okay, tie me up so that I can't get out and do bad things. She's like, okay. That night, this hunter gets attacked. They wake up in the morning, boom, there they are. Uh he is untied and naked.
SPEAKER_03:She seems to be wearing clothes so as to not be naked.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's correct. And then he's like, hey, why am I not tied up? She's like, Well, you were tied up, then I was tied up, and and then nothing. Then people come.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, the police attack because they know it's him, and this uh this poor hunter was attacked. Um, and then Marvin flees out the window. So now we have formed we have formed a posse slash mob that's gonna go after him, and in the middle of this mob, here comes Norm McDonald proving that he is an actual comedian and someone who's very funny, and he does a bit that you know that he wrote himself. For sure. Without a doubt. Without a doubt, he wrote this. Um brought his own tiki torch, talks about torches.
SPEAKER_01:What what time do we light our torches? On nightfall, he's like, okay, but what if a member of the mob has already lit their own torch? Can he keep it lit? It's just so stupid, it's just so good. Then he gets mad at the mob.
SPEAKER_02:Well, no, he keeps on he keeps on asking questions, and then the guy, Captain Sisk is like, okay, go to the back of the mob. That was probably my favorite private line of the movie.
SPEAKER_01:That's a good line. This is my spot. I got here early. Great, great stuff. I mean, uh beautiful. Another question. They ask another question, and the guy's like, You're out of the mob. Yeah. Eh, this mob blows. So it's okay. It's a perfect scene. It's so good. Also, I mean, it's also delivered by the funniest, the other funniest person in the movie to me, which is the guy from Scrubs, whose name I can't remember. Uh, but the the police guy. He's great. He's very funny.
SPEAKER_02:Think about how funny he is on Scrubs I mean, Scrubs was not my show. I've and I watched it a couple of times. He's very, very can play this sort of disaffected asshole kind of guy, right? That's what he played on Scrubs, right? Yep.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know. Yeah, and watching him and Norm interact is like, oh, look at this. This is like two funny people being funny. What a treat.
SPEAKER_02:Norm gives him funny lines to say, he says them, and it leads to the situation being funny.
SPEAKER_01:Which is why play date is tough, because it's only Alan Richeson being funny. Where's the other counterpart?
SPEAKER_02:Nowhere. And unless you have somebody, you know, unless you have uh Isla Fisher running her own bit where he's not necessary.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Um, okay. So basically we go out, everybody's searching, he runs into the doc who has a dart gun, and we understand that there's a second beast out there, and we're like, oh, is it fatty? Could be fatty. Oh, is it the chief? Oh, could be the chief. Oh, is it the doc? Oh, could be the doctor.
SPEAKER_01:Um I'm a little confused on the doctor one because he took off his sock and he definitely has animal feet of some sort. He's got like talons coming up. So I'm not convinced there's not three monsters. That's all I'm saying.
SPEAKER_02:Uh somehow Sisk has a four by four, which he chases him in, and then he runs into a stump. We have a chasm. Sisk fall is chases him, he jumps to the chasm, and then Sisk falls in the cabin but saves him at the last minute. Or saves him at the last time. Ross the Schneider saves him.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Boom, it turns out the other beast is Rihanna.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And he makes the one joke.
SPEAKER_01:This is Dan's, yeah, this is your favorite joke, isn't it, Dan? So that's why you have six nipples. It's funny, before weird. It's well, that's the thing. The movie's like, we're it's a misdirect, right? Yeah. You think that he's gonna be surprised, but then he's like, oh, that's why you have six nipples, and then they kiss as if like everything is okay, it all makes sense, everyone's happy. It's so stupid that it just works.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's a chance that works.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, you'd have noticed the giant scars on her back. Sure, weird, right? Which actually she doesn't have to be.
SPEAKER_01:She doesn't seem to, but she has to somewhere. Doesn't make any sense. Because you're looking, she's in the restaurant in that dress, and she's he's looking at her back. Like it doesn't make any sense. You can't think about it too hard.
SPEAKER_02:Um, the mob shows up and they're like, Time to die, mad beast. And then his buddy Miles realizes that he has to save his his friend, and he does a whole thing where big payoff. Where he says, I'm the I'm the I'm the uh I'm the bad guy.
SPEAKER_01:I'm the animal. I did it. I murdered all these people. And what does the mob do, Tan? They they disperse.
SPEAKER_02:They disperse because but but but Norm gets the one good line. The best, the best joke, my favorite joke of the whole movie. I'm not gonna be part of a mob to kill a black guy. He just states the he states the obvious. And sometimes you you know, you it takes a real comedian to just state the obvious.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Pays off that entire character's arc, um, the friend. It's it it's great, it's weird, it's unexpected, it's great. I loved it. I thought it was really nice.
SPEAKER_02:We do one year later, one year later, they have like a rescue farm, they have and a litter of kids. Two to two to two plus two to four to five to eight kids. And then they're watching on the TV, and the doc has won the Nobel Prize.
SPEAKER_01:Don't make any sense.
SPEAKER_02:He's also gotten the Badger Melt. There was a hot girl in the Badger Melt commercial that's now his girlfriend, but she's also a peace.
SPEAKER_01:She's got the big scar. Yep. So, and again, this movie, you can't think about it too much, right? But he should not be getting the Nobel Peace Prize because she still murdered people. Oh no, it's just a Nobel Prize, not a Peace Prize. Oh, it's not the Peace Prize, it's a science prize. It's a prize for science. Oh, okay. Yeah, science for peace. But she did still murder people, and we just kind of No, she didn't. We all let it go.
SPEAKER_02:You mean his girlfriend, Rihanna? She didn't murder anybody. Yeah, didn't she kill two cows? Oh, cows. She attacked.
SPEAKER_01:She hurt the scared the far the hunter off because he was gonna hurt the bird or whatever. Hurt her birds. That's right. You're right, you're right, you're right. And then I guess we could let it slide this time. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You know, they fix each other, you know, they take care of the.
SPEAKER_01:Of course.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:With their animalistic needs.
SPEAKER_02:Like I said, I didn't hate this movie. I just it's very ra it's very it's just Rob Schneider. I just I was not surprised that Rob Schneider couldn't elevate the comedy in any way. For sure. Yeah, yeah. Right. I agree.
SPEAKER_01:100%.
SPEAKER_02:Because when you when you put this right next to your uh Jim Carrey pet Base Venture of Pet Hunter, they're very similar movies.
SPEAKER_01:Pet Hunter is the opposite meaning of Pet Detective.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, they're very similar movies in the kind of concept and the rolling out of constant jokes and nothing needs to sort of really add up in the end.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:But Rob Schneider, you know, Jim Carrey elevated it and went on to have an endless huge career. Rob Schneider could not elevate anything and has gone on to nothing. And is mad about it. It's mad about it.
SPEAKER_01:He's mad about it. Yeah, poor Rob Schneider.
SPEAKER_02:A lot of needle drops in this movie. You probably liked that, didn't you? You liked the rocking songs, didn't you, Tony?
SPEAKER_01:I loved the soundtrack. The offspring was in it. Um I I actually I wrote a couple down. I can't remember what they were, but like the offspring was the big one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Great, great early 2000s soundtrack. I miss good soundtracks, man. Even if the movie doesn't deserve like those those MTV-made movies that aren't any good, but the music's so good in them. Oh, I miss those days.
SPEAKER_02:Uh my favorite movies, the Spider-Verse movies, have very, very good contemporary music in them. 100%.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02:I I I rewatched, I hadn't seen Spider the first one in a long time. I think I'd only seen it once, and it just came up on one of the streaming services, and I watched it, and I didn't remember a lot of it. Um and I watched that second movie I've watched oh so many times.
SPEAKER_01:Several. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:The greatest sound editing I think there will ever be in any movie ever times a thousand. I just the sound editing in that movie it destroys me. You're just like, I mean, in addition to the animation, which is and the story, you know, the plot, it's like everything in those movies all around.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It's money well spent. Oh, amen. Amen. In a world where money, you know, we're gonna have to do the avatar movie and and we're gonna just see money not well spent. Like according to Weaver D. So much money. It's so much money. It was so funny on the Avatar movie because you know, everyone was like, it's not gonna do great, and then it did good, and then it did better. I don't think it did as good as the last one.
SPEAKER_01:But it didn't be like is it in the B's? Is it in the billions? I don't even know.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know. It's gonna make you know, it's gonna be a top ten movie or whatever.
SPEAKER_01:Sure.
SPEAKER_02:But it's in competition essentially with itself.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And I was talking to Shannon about the cultural cachet of that movie.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02:And I was like, it doesn't have any cultural cachet, and the reason why it doesn't is because I was like, it's it's a movie made for video game people.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And video game people do not I've say as I said to her, how how much Call of Duty stuff is there out there that people buy and have in their houses?
SPEAKER_01:It's not it's nothing. Pretty much just the um like the collector's editions of the games that come in like cool cases. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I'm sure they I'm sure they do great with those. But those those guys do not want to fill their lives with action figures and this and that. They want to play the game, they want to watch the the media, and that's what they like.
SPEAKER_01:You're talking about new gamers, Dan, because I'm an old school gamer and we love our things. Mario stuff, we got all sorts of things. It's a different, it's a it's a different thread. It is. And those it's that fortnight era.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's the Fortnite and the Call of Duty people, and it's like, and there's not there's nothing wrong with that, it's just different. And I don't I don't think I think Hollywood wants it to be because they were talking about it being four quadrant, everything being four quadrant, right? You know, where it hits men, women, kids, medium, old. It hits everybody. That's what they want movie franchise to be. And Avatar kind of hits all those people, but the people it hits the hardest are the gamer guys, and they go back and see it because it's it's it's replicating that experience on this giant beautiful screen. And they love that. It is a big screen, yeah, it doesn't do anything for me. I I don't think it does anything for you either.
SPEAKER_01:It sure doesn't. That's why we do them for this podcast.
SPEAKER_02:But you don't play those games, do you? Call of Duty.
SPEAKER_01:No, I'm like, I'll play a little Fortnite with my nephews because I know that they like it. But like, no, I'm so any. I mean, this is like a whole other conversation about video games direction and stuff, but like it's that the instant gratification, it's the never-ending. Like, I I've if my round's over, I just play another round, I just play another round. Nothing really matters. I'm just kind of going through the motions of it. It's a very different type of video game than what we used to play. Like, games used to be freaking hard, Dan. They did, you know, like they were really hard. And if you didn't beat them, you died. And you're like, well, now I gotta start over. What a nightmare. Um, it's I don't know, it's just a weird, it's a very different vibe these days, you know. And I'm just old. Period. Just old. So not into those games as much, though.
SPEAKER_02:Shannon did not like hearing this from me. She's like, I'm wrong.
unknown:What? I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Sometimes I I have these things that I want to talk about, and then she's just like, I don't think you're right. She doesn't have like a counter to it. She's just like, I think you're wrong. She's like, nah, you're wrong. See you later.
SPEAKER_01:I love that though. Good for her. So before stand your ground, Shannon.
SPEAKER_02:Before we did the show, I was, you know, Tony was late, and then I made the show really late, and I was sitting here and I was like, I'll go on YouTube like I always do. And I ran across a brand new trailer for the new Gore Verbinski who made the horrible Loan of the Ranger horrible Lone of the Ranger movie.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:For this movie called Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die. Uh I I saw this an ad for this the other day. This was the best trailer I've ever seen. It's okay, it's cut together great. Everybody in it looks great. It's Sam Rockwell and Juno Temple, who are two people I love to death.
SPEAKER_01:Wonderful. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It looks unhinged. It looks like the setup looks great. I was like, I'm excited for a movie. And it's a Gorbobinsky movie. Gorbobinsky, we know he can make a movie. We know he can make a movie.
SPEAKER_01:We also know he can disappoint you. Right. Right. So I I like more of like a steady track record, you know, like it makes me nervous. But it's I'm I'm in it.
SPEAKER_02:I'm ready. He made Rango that that one about the list, you know, the animated one about the lizard.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I really enjoyed that movie.
SPEAKER_01:Sure. Yeah, great. So I'm hoping, I'm hoping it's great. I'm hoping it's great. I think it'll be good. Yeah. Time will tell, but I I feel good about it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So it feels a little like Brazil, the Terry Gillian movie. It feels like sort of a combination of that. And you know, because he basically shows up at a diner and he's all like, everybody in here, we gotta work together to save the world. Sam Rothwell does. So he has to get these people up out of their seats, and there's some sort of conflict that they have to freaking deal with.
SPEAKER_01:Great. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Great! What a premise! What a premise. Stakes. And the music was great, and you know, looked interesting.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:There it is. What else? That's what I wanted to talk about. And I watched Under the Silver Lake.
SPEAKER_01:Is that Andrew Garfield? Yes. Okay. I I think I remember seeing the trailer for that. And it's from the guy that did It Follows. Oh, for fuck's sake. What a piece of shit movie.
SPEAKER_02:I wish I could make you watch this movie, Tony, because I think it would I think you'd want to kill yourself. I think you'd drive.
SPEAKER_01:That's why I didn't watch it. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02:It's all about conspiracies, and he sort of puts all this girl, like his neighbor disappears, and then he tries to track her down. He just goes through all these LA sort of situations, and there's kind of all these codes and puzzles, and he goes, and it and I mean, spoilers, it sort of adds up to nothing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And I I I have to say I enjoyed watching it, and I I I I'm I'm I'm in I I like this director. No, no, you don't. Yeah, that's your punishment for liking the animal. Is like uh I I like it follows. I actually enjoyed it follows.
SPEAKER_01:Nope. Stupid movie. Stupid movie directed by a pretentious piece of shit.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and I always tell Shannon, I always say, Tony hated that movie because there's this one scene where they're in a car and there's this light that comes from nowhere and it's like it comes from nowhere, it is a spotlight from the sky. Fuck you. Stupid idiot. And that was the point I was gonna make is about CGI that I started all this. I don't care about C I don't care about good CGI or bad CGI because it's all CGI. We know it's CGI. I know there's not a monster there, but if you if you make a movie that makes me feel the dread of a monster there.
SPEAKER_01:Sure. I'm in. Yeah, I get it. I get it.
SPEAKER_02:Tony, tell us something. Oh, do you want to talk about Stranger Things now, or do you want to tell us about something you liked now?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, it's definitely something I liked. We finally finished Stranger Things. Uh I loved it. I thought it was wonderful.
SPEAKER_02:You loved the 45 minutes of post- I did actually.
SPEAKER_01:I cried, I cried almost the whole way, Dan. You were manipulated out of your mind. Tears so bad. I was just a puppet on strings, and they were just pulling them all over the place, man. I cried for like three hours last night, I'm pretty sure. Um, part of it's just because it's ending and it's a big oh, I told you this, but it's a big part of my life. You know, it's 10 years is a long time. Um tough. I'm not good with endings. Like, I don't like when things end, makes me very sad. And then it also ended very bittersweet, you know, because it's all about growing up and everyone going off. And, you know, the whole the whole series is like growing up and kind of growing apart, and it just fucking, I don't know, man. It tears me to pieces. Uh, but it's I loved it. I thought it was beautiful. So my rate, my season rankings go three, one, five, two, four. That's how I that's how I view them.
SPEAKER_02:Wow. Three.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Three is my favorite season by far. It's Russia? Yeah, it's Russia. It's it's the shopping mall. I think it it's the best blend of comedy, nostalgia, uh, and character. I think I think they do those three things the best in that season. Obviously, season one is like if three is here, one is like so close to it. I just Billy is my favorite character in throughout the whole series.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, is Billy's uh Sam Max's brother? Is that three?
SPEAKER_01:Max's brother, Daker Montgomery. Yeah, that's three. Oh, he's my he's my favorite character in the whole series. What happens in two? So not a ton. Two. Okay. It's the tunnels and Bob. Um, it's what's his name from now from uh Sean Aston. Oh, Sean Aston is two.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Yeah, he's two.
SPEAKER_01:It's good. It's a good Paul. That's Paul Riser's introduction, who I love as well. Like he's a good character. Great stuff. Uh, but three just Billy is like my favorite story arc, my favorite character arc, my favorite, he's my favorite character in the whole series.
SPEAKER_02:So that was a lot of good stuff with in that three. You're like a lot of Robin's in there, and she's like and it's five.
SPEAKER_01:She's great in five, but three, like, I don't know what it was. Like they it was perfect in three. I hated her in four. Hate's a strong word. Did not like what they did with her character in season four. Season five brought it back, but I three is great, five is is great. And Will's arc in five made me cry like 20 times, didn't they? 20 times, dude. Yeah, they got me.
SPEAKER_02:They have your number completed. You are you are the you are the base.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Todd's gonna punch you because Todd was Todd.
SPEAKER_01:Todd's gonna punch me.
SPEAKER_02:Todd did not like being manipulated.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I and so I don't watch things uh generally, I don't like being manipulated. I thought they did it, I thought it was a nice edge of like, we're still having fun, but then also, haha, fuck you, and we're having fun, make you cry. You know, I thought it was a nice blend. Okay. If it's just do you remember the Robert Pattinson movie? Uh, what is it? What is it called? Like I Wish You Were Here or something, where it's like this rom-com movie, and then he visits his dad in the final scene and he's in the Twin Towers when the plane's coming and blows up. I think it's the most manipul, it's the worst movie I've ever seen in my life.
SPEAKER_02:I swore not to see that movie because I was not gonna be manipulated about that.
SPEAKER_01:It's it's so stupid because it's just manipulation for manipulation's sake. If you manipulate me and you're able to keep me having a good time at the same time, uh kudos to you, handshake, well done. But I can understand being like, fuck you, Duffer brothers, you pieces of shit. I get that. Uh, but I'm hook, line, and sinker.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean, I just I just didn't watch that last 45 minutes.
SPEAKER_01:I was like, eh, not for me. You probably made the right choice. Yeah, probably fine. You because you get it. Like you kind of know where you know what I mean, but yeah, it's it's good.
SPEAKER_02:I want to I want to watch a Holly movie. I want to watch a show with Holly. I love it. Holly was great. That was the she was ten of every scene she was in, I loved her. Even like the one scene where it took so long for her and Max to go in the two directions. I love that scene. I thought it was. Did people not like it? Are people because they're all like Max should just run and leave and it takes too long? And I'm like, no, Max, Max was doing a thing. She was running a she was running an op on her so that Holly could leave. And I was like, that's who she is.
SPEAKER_01:Otherwise, Max is just a selfish little bitch.
SPEAKER_02:Like, lead me to the exit, okay. Bye, little girl. See you later. No, nope, nope. And then once once Max got out, they just like flopped her in a wheelchair and she didn't do anything. So I was like, whatever. I don't care.
SPEAKER_01:Well, she hasn't moved in two years, damn.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and and once a guy who sits on the couch a lot, I get it. Okay. What's his name? Her boyfriend got giant cuts in his in the front of him, and then he's like doing everything. Yeah, he's fine.
SPEAKER_01:He's Lucas, he's a jock now. He's fine.
SPEAKER_02:Silly. Very silly.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Good stuff. Very fun. Very, very fun.
SPEAKER_02:There you go.
SPEAKER_01:Um I won't ever re-watch the finale. Does that help? Oh, really? It was a it's a one-time thing for me. I'll never watch that final 45 minutes. Don't need it. Really? Once they kill Vecna, I'm all good from here on out. I'm interested because it is just manipulate. Like, I get why Todd is mad. I'm happy I saw it one time. It touched me. I cried a bunch, but when I rewatch the show, which I will, don't need it. I'm all good. Interesting. I want have we talked about my Moulin Rouge? Yes, we have talked about that. Yeah. You just don't know. Don't need to watch it. She's fine. She's totally alive. She's fine. They gave her a pill. She got better. Yeah, she's all good, guys. That's how I watch things. I'm all I'm all good. I love that movie.
SPEAKER_02:Um wonderful.
SPEAKER_01:Perfect. It's a perfect film.
SPEAKER_02:So we need to slow it down, Tony. We need to do a movie that no more comedy. We need to do no, I don't think it's long, but it's it's okay. All right. All right, that's fine. I think it's a little bit like watching pink dry. One of those movies.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, great.
SPEAKER_02:This is a movie from last last year. We can't say last year because last year is now 25, which is like three days ago. Sure.
unknown:Sure.
SPEAKER_02:Steven Soderbergh, right? A guy who left movies and then came back to movies, has done some great movies, but he did a movie called Presence.
SPEAKER_01:Oceans 11. Presence? Are you sure? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:He's the director. And this movie. He's the director. He did it. He shot this movie from the perspective of a ghost that's haunting people, I think is what the idea is.
SPEAKER_01:What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_02:And so I don't think the ghost like talks or anything. I think it just sort of looks at people. So it's just sort of hanging around or something.
SPEAKER_01:What are you talking? Hold on. 2024 films.
SPEAKER_02:People are not happy about this movie.
SPEAKER_01:So I'm like, ah, it's sounding stupid. That's why. It sounds really dumb. Oh, God. Alright. Yep, I'm seeing it. Yeah. Presents.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's on I think it's on Hulu. I think it's on Hulu.
SPEAKER_01:So there you go. All right.
SPEAKER_02:You don't have Disney Plus, do you? Uh we do. Yeah, we do.
SPEAKER_01:Do you need the package? Oh, do you? No, I have it. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, we got it. So we have the package now. With that's like Hulu, Disney, and ESPN or whatever.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, because there's something on there that I was thinking about.
SPEAKER_01:Is it the Santa Claus? Love that movie.
SPEAKER_02:No, it's not this. Presents! That's what we're gonna be doing.
SPEAKER_01:Presents, yay!
SPEAKER_02:If you like what we do, give us a thumbs up. We forgot to do this, I think, the last couple of five episodes.
SPEAKER_01:You sure did, yeah. And I I'm always waiting for it. Like I get my thumbs ready and then you didn't do it. I was like, well, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Leave us a thumbs up, leave us a comment. You could subscribe. Yeah, I was watching something, and the person was like, he was like, if you didn't get the if you didn't get your podcast going or YouTube show going ten years ago, just forget about it.
SPEAKER_01:Well, thankfully we started it about 10 years ago, so we're on the right track. I think we only started like four years ago. Ah, shoot, the pandemic.
SPEAKER_02:We're about five years late. So we'll be back talking about presents or the presence anything.
SPEAKER_01:It's just presents. I think it's just presents from what I'm seeing. And it's uh an hour twenty-five. Nicely done, Dan.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Tight ninety. Love it. Until then, we'll say goodbye. Goodbye, everybody.