Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Death of a Unicorn: Mo Money And Messy CGI
A healing unicorn, a billionaire’s lodge, and a night that should have dripped with dread instead slides into confusion. We dive into Death of a Unicorn with fresh eyes and plenty of receipts—where the premise shines, why the scares fizzle, and how the story trades suspense for unfinished spectacle. From the first “we hit something on the road” beat to that jarring daylight time jump, we trace the exact moments the movie stops trusting mystery and starts overexposing its creature.
We talk craft first. Creature features live or die on restraint, and this one shows the monster early and often, leaning on CGI that can’t carry the weight. We unpack how to rebuild the same scenes with tension: silhouettes over full frames, sound over splash, partial reveals over glory shots. Then we get into character stakes. The father’s “financial promise,” the daughter’s supposed purity, and a horn that cures, resurrects, and randomly bestows visions—none of it plays by rules the audience can follow. So we outline the fix: make the horn addictive, tie each character’s need to a cost, and let greed fracture alliances until humans pose the real threat.
There’s also a problem of lore without payoff. The tapestry research looks impressive, but discovery never changes tactics. We explore how good supernatural stories use clues to pivot action and how consistent rules turn fear into momentum. Along the way, we call out the casting trap—banking on a beloved actor to redeem an irredeemable arc—and the ethical shortcuts that undercut the finale, including a needless casualty to clean up the plot.
If you love horror that earns its chills, or you’re writing your own low-budget creature story, this breakdown doubles as a playbook: define your rules, sharpen your motives, and let the audience’s imagination do the expensive work. Listen, then tell us the trope you’d retire forever, and if you enjoyed the show, follow, rate, and share with a friend who argues about movie logic as hard as you do.
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Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech
And follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT
Dan, I fell asleep during this movie, I might tell you the truth, right now. Right at the end. The best part? Is it is that the best part? Because you'll just have to fill me in.
SPEAKER_01:Cause I like I woke up and then the So wait, you you haven't seen the end of this film?
SPEAKER_03:Dan and Tony!
SPEAKER_01:Welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony. This is the early morning edition.
SPEAKER_02:Welcome to the early morning edition. I mean, this is a regular morning for me. I'm I've switched up time zones on Dan and uh made him go very early back west.
SPEAKER_01:Not early for me. It's already late in the day for me. That can't be true, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:What time do you wake up? What's going on with you, Dan?
SPEAKER_01:We can't talk about it. It's not healthy.
SPEAKER_02:It's not appropriate. Alright. We don't want to give anybody any ideas.
SPEAKER_01:I just sometimes imagine what it would be like to have a normal sleep schedule. Um this show we watch a movie. This week, I think I picked this movie, didn't I?
SPEAKER_02:You sure did, yeah. This was a Dan Goodsell special.
SPEAKER_01:Uh this week I picked the movie Death of a Unicorn 2025, hour and 47 minutes. I hated this movie.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know if I hated this movie, but I was watching this movie and I was like, why am I watching this movie? I'm not having any fun, uh, which is what I usually like to do during movies. I like to have fun during the movies that we watch specifically because they're always bad. Yeah. But I want to have like a good time. And this whole time I was just like, What? Why what are we doing here? This is this is not fun.
SPEAKER_01:That's why you hate this, that's why you should hate this movie.
SPEAKER_02:I don't I don't know if, but I just don't know if I hate. I wasn't like, man, you are purposefully not letting me have fun. It was more just like, none of us are having fun. Paul's not having very much fun. The guy from Barrie's not having very much fun. I don't think Jenna Ortega has ever had fun in her life. So I just, you know, I I don't know. I do think she has, she seems very gloomy to me.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. I tried to watch that uh Wednesday show, and I watched maybe one or two episodes, and I was like, Yeah, not for me.
SPEAKER_02:I remember you saying that, and we we've watched the first season. We were gonna watch the second season this year, and then we didn't. So if that tells you anything, there it is. You know, it might, but we did make it through the first season.
SPEAKER_01:You made it through, okay. Um should the director slash writer, he he did both of these things.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, he did both of them, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Should he go to movie jail?
SPEAKER_02:I don't know if he should go to jail, but he probably shouldn't write the movie. Okay. You know what I mean? Like, I know I didn't have a huge problem with the directing, it looks terrible. Let me just obviously the budget.
SPEAKER_01:It looks terrible.
SPEAKER_02:I don't think it's his fault. The CGI is terrible. So, like, if you are writing and directing your own movie and you create a unicorn, and I'm like, I'm gonna have the unicorns on screen 70% of the movie. That's up. You better get a lot of money. You better get a lot of money to make those special effects. When it's coming out of the car, was the one of the worst scenes I've ever seen in my life. I was like, just don't show it, just don't show them coming out of the car. Like it's a cartoon with the mouth coming out. It was so weird. Um, but that's not really, I don't think that's a directing problem. That's more of a, hey, we're in post-production, why can't I make this not look like shit problem? You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:So you thought he moved the camera around correctly and if he had money, yes.
SPEAKER_02:However, he obviously didn't have money, so then you have to like retroactively, while you're on set, be like, How can I make this not look stupid if I don't have enough money to make it look cool? So now that we're talking about now, I'm reversing my my whole thesis, and now it's like, well, you didn't plan very well because you should have hidden it's a creature feature, uh you know, ostensibly. Generally speaking, you don't want to show it that much, like just in general, like most creature features, you kind of tease it out very slowly and then you know have a big reveal, which wouldn't have worked anyhow, because woof. Um, so yeah, I don't know. Now I'm now I'm a little against him. You talked me into it, Dan. You talked me into it.
SPEAKER_01:Now you you Tony horror aficionado. I do love horror. On a horror scale of zero to ten, where do you put the horror level of this movie?
SPEAKER_02:The horror is well one. I'll give it a one. Because there was one there was a couple of fun points during the deaths that I was like, if I was a child, I probably wouldn't want to see a woman get torn in half by two unicorns. But as an adult, I'm like, that was pretty cool. If it looked better, it would have been cool. But that was like a that to me, that's like the demo. You know how you like send over like the and you put a little asterisk on it, and it's like not finished product or whatever, and then you send it out to people to see what you're doing. That's where we were, and he was just like, just remove this chiron there, we'll just we'll just book it this way. Um, but it's a fun idea, you know. So, but I I don't think my nephew could see it, right? So a horror one.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I guess when the when the unicorn eats the entrails out of uh he did eat entrails out of her while she's laying on on a on a pool table.
SPEAKER_02:And that was pretty fun, you know, like that one was okay. The woman getting torn in half was a cool idea. And then I liked the um when the guy got like uh spiked through the head. Yeah, yeah. That's always a fun one. You know, putting something through the jaw, you know, it's fun.
SPEAKER_01:We've talked about many times that the scariest thing in any movie ever was when what's her name in The Quiet Place steps on the nail, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, well yeah.
SPEAKER_01:We all feel it. We all like we all recoil, you know. It's like when you're watching that movie Barbarian, we get to the second half, we get down in the underground, you're like, I don't want to be here, I don't want to spend any time here, I don't want to see that thing crawling around. Uh, I I want to leave, I don't want to think about it. That's what horror is to me. It's sure you put me in a place that as soon as I get out of, I'm gonna feel better.
SPEAKER_02:Sure. Well, you know, in that case, this is like a horror eight because I wouldn't want to hang out with any of these people.
SPEAKER_01:Um, okay. Uh anything else before we go right into it? I mean, it seems like you're like, well, whatever, I'm fine.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, well, I don't know if I'm fine. I did fall asleep. I don't know if that's the clip before the show or not, but I fell asleep in this movie because it wasn't very entertaining. So that's not great.
SPEAKER_01:Um, spoilers.
SPEAKER_02:Sure. Spoil always spoilers ahead. Spoilers ahead. We've never done a podcast that did not have massive spoilers. Oh, really?
SPEAKER_01:I guess so. What we No, we always talk about it. I guess we go blood point by blood point by blood point. Very specifically. We don't leave anything out.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, people don't even need to watch the movie. They could just watch the show and be like, okay, well, I pretty much saw the movie. Through the lens of two idiots.
SPEAKER_01:So this movie is dad and daughter sort of estranged. I'm gonna do the whole basic plot before we get into it. Dad and daughter basically uh estranged because the mother died.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:They're going out to his rich boss, and he's gotta convince the rich boss to make him the liaison between the family and the business because the rich boss is dying. And we find out at the very end that he promised his wife that he'd take care of the daughter. Financially. Only financially. That's all he promised.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, not emotionally. You don't need to take care of kids emotionally.
SPEAKER_01:Nothing like that is important. He goes there on their way, they hit a unicorn, they take the unicorn, it's not dead, they take it back to the rich guy, they shoot it, and they we find out that it has magical healing properties. Yeah. So they heal the big boss, and then the two parent unicorns, which they they really work hard not to make you understand that there's two of them, even though there's no reveal that there's two of them. No, but they also nobody goes, There's two of them, which is what you have to say when they realize there's two of them. They never play that that there's two of them, and you only think that there's one of them. All great games you could play.
unknown:Sure.
SPEAKER_01:They don't play any of these games ever, even for microseconds. There's one point where it's standing there, and there's one one in front of him, one behind him, and I was like, now am I looking at is that other one in the mirror? Wait a second. What's happening at Did you did you understand that there were two of them at that point, or did you think one was in a mirror?
SPEAKER_02:I don't think I thought one was in a mirror because I'm pretty sure he was outside when this happened.
SPEAKER_01:No, this was inside.
SPEAKER_02:This was inside. Oh, this was inside? This was inside, absolutely inside. I don't know. I don't know when, to be honest, I don't know if there was a moment, an aha moment where I was like, oh, there's two of them. Yeah. But I think eventually throughout the movie, I was just like, oh, oh, there's two of them. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:It's when they're in the house and we we finally get a two. We we have a one-shot of this thing, but it's one shot where the other ones we we show it behind him, and then we pan over to the other one, and you're like, so the one behind him was a mirror one, or it was the one maybe it's really fast. Then finally we pull out and we got a two-shot, and we're like, oh, there's two of them. Oh, well, I mean, that makes sense. It's the parents, right?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, it makes sense.
SPEAKER_01:So so they realize the healing properties, and they think that they are gonna have to capture these two unicorns, and then everyone gets killed. Yeah, as they should. Sort of, except the one person that really needed to be killed.
SPEAKER_00:Which guy's that?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, Paul Rudd. He needed to die. No, he wasn't he was he did pretty much die. He was an irredeemable character who they chose to redeem for no reason, for no understandable reason.
SPEAKER_02:Other than it's Paul Rudd. I think they were banking on the fact that you like Paul Rudd so much that you forgive him in the movie, even though his character is not redeemable. Does that make sense? I guess. Because if because if you hire somebody else in that role and they're not Paul Rudd and they're not likable, you want them to die. I think I think a lot of people would be like, oh, it's Paul Rudd, bring him back to life. Did you think I'm not saying that's right. No, I'm not saying it's right, Dan. I'm just saying that I think that's what they were banking on. Do you think did you think that in the movie? I wanted everyone to die.
SPEAKER_03:You wanted Jen or Dega to die?
SPEAKER_02:Yes, including Jen or Dega, because I found her very annoying in the movie. Oh, you found her annoying. She's like, and not to be, I mean, whatever. It's not her fault. I just found her character was very much like, and this is gonna cause some ire, so I apologize. But you know how like those like people that um you know go to Greenpeace or like, you know, vegans, and they're always just like, my way's better than your way, and I'm smarter than you are. And I know they're all good people, I'm sure, but that annoys me so much when people are like, Well, you're a bad person. Yeah, okay, I eat meat. Yeah, okay, I don't always recycle. I'm sorry, I'm human. Um, like she can die too. Why don't you know, but my wife yells at me all the time. Why don't you always recycle? I try, but the rules are confusing, Dan. I don't always understand what can be recycled and what can't. So sometimes I put things in the recycling, she's like, this doesn't go here, and then she throws it away. And sometimes she's looking in the garbage, like, why would you throw that away? I don't know. Okay, I'm confused by the rules. I mean, you don't put cans in the trash, do you? I mean, if they're dirty, I don't know. Hold on. Like if there's food, isn't isn't the rule if there's like food in them that you're not supposed to recycle? In a can? I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, this is this is the I I'm with your wife here.
SPEAKER_02:You you I'm not saying you shouldn't be. I shouldn't be able to do it. Jenna Ortega is right.
SPEAKER_01:You're wrong. You're the bad person. Jenna knows each other.
SPEAKER_02:Jenna's too far. Jenna's like, uh Jenna's like, oh, you eat meat in my vicinity, I'm upset with you, and you're the devil. You know what I mean? Tony, I'm gonna ask She's sanctimonious. Is that the right word?
SPEAKER_01:I'm gonna yes, it is. It actually is the right word. Got it. I'm gonna ask you a question. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to hear it. We do a lot of movies on this podcast show. So many. We've even done a bunch of movies this year. Great job, Us. Do you remember that we did the live-action Snow White movie?
SPEAKER_02:I mean, now that you've said it, I do remember that we did it. I couldn't tell you anything that happened in the movie. Think about that for a second. I thought this was correct, like directly connected to Jenna Ortega.
SPEAKER_01:No, because I was I was looking at pictures and I saw the picture of uh what's well it kind of is because Rachel Ziegler kind of seems that same way.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah, yeah, no, you're you're right about that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So I was just I I was looking at as I was doing a little research on this movie. Um separate uh it's like Dan's Dan's AI side note moment.
SPEAKER_02:Oh boy, this is like one an episode now.
SPEAKER_01:I got a cut actually, I got two great ones. I'll do the first one, then I'll do the second. First one is so I'm like I'm doing the research on this. I look up the guy that directed it. He formed a production company called Secret Room or Secret Door or something. So I like type that in there, right? So I was like, oh, I'll go, I'll go look at there, you know, see what these guys are up to. AI generates this thing. Oh, here's all this stuff. It generates three videos about the production company. You know, access, you know, like click on this to see this, click on this to see this, click on this to see this. Like, yeah, you know, basically just links to YouTube things.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_01:All three of them have absolutely nothing to do with this company. Huge zero. One of them has to do with the secret level show on Netflix, which was about uh different gaming problem. Says that because it had the word secret in there, and then there was another one, and then there was like a third one, which was like some AI bullshit one. And I'm just like, that there it is. Everything you name from now on, do not name it anything generic like secret door or secret this or something like that. Yeah, you gotta really stick out because if the AI's gonna make up all sorts of stories about you. You can you can no longer be generic.
SPEAKER_02:I so the that's is that the Gemini in Google or whatever, the Google search Gemini that does that at the time. I think so.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, whatever the top thing is, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I have to thumbs those down a lot. I'm really trying to teach the algorithm here that they need to be a lot more specific. Yeah, I thumbs it down a little because it asks you in the bottom right, was like, okay, was this helpful? Thumbs up, thumbs down. I've been given a lot of thumbs downs lately, but in a in a positive way. You know, it's like positive. Yeah, I'm trying to help. Trying to help AI. We're friends.
SPEAKER_01:Uh, and then the other thing, which was a bit of technology that's incredible, they're making a little walk-around robot for Disneyland of Olaf. The little second. It wouldn't be like run by a person? A person runs it, but it's it's a free, you know, it's just it just walks. It's just little, it looks exactly like Olaf, and it's little, and it walks around like Olaf.
SPEAKER_02:I think that's gonna freak me out, man. It's so cool. It's so cool. It's so cool. I'm sure it's cool, but like, do you think people are gonna mess with it? I feel like people are gonna mess with it, because people are the worst.
SPEAKER_01:Uh, that's the one thing is the the nose and arms are magnetic. And of course, one person in the comments like, I'm gonna steal that nose.
SPEAKER_02:Right. Yeah, because people are the worst. People are the worst. Even at Disney, people are just you don't if it's just kids, great. I'm sure they're well, some of them are monsters. The adults take care of your kids, alright? Teach your kids how to not be monsters. But yeah, people are bad. I just I don't know. I have uh I'm worried about this robot. Gotta worry about the robots.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, back to the number. Um yeah. So you hate Jen Ortega because she is principled. Got it.
SPEAKER_02:Um I don't want to say I hate her. I feel judged by her. And I'm okay if she gets murdered. That's all. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Wow. Oh, your fragile male white ego.
SPEAKER_02:Um it is fragile, but big.
SPEAKER_01:So that's Jenna Ortega, uh, and that's the movie. So they uh um here here's what I have to say.
SPEAKER_00:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01:Wouldn't it be interesting if you had a movie where there's where the basically these these unicorns are, you know, money or whatever.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:And we end up having all the main characters kill each other over the money, and the unicorn never killed anyone.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. That I mean that would be a stronger parable, you know, as they say. Yeah. Um, this is just kind of like what's an excuse to have a unicorn skewer a person, you know what I mean? I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, here we go. Airplanes.
SPEAKER_02:Sometimes people, sometimes you just have little ideas, right? The the birth of this movie is probably like, what if a unicorn killed a bunch of people, right? And then you just figure out why they would do it.
SPEAKER_01:He just worked backwards from the great idea.
SPEAKER_02:From this number one, number one idea, unicorn horn through the jaw, right? And he's like, now how do I get there?
SPEAKER_01:And probably the best place to to have it happen is in a in a lodge or mansion. Because as you do. That's what you think of. You think of unicorns. What we don't want to put this, a bunch of people out in the woods. That would make that would make some sense.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, I want them traps in tree traps in traipsing. Trapsin? Traipsing through the woods? House. I want them traipsing through the house. That was the that was what I was gonna say. It didn't work. Move on to.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, boom. Airport and air there's an airport. Our people are trapped on the uh the plane, waiting to deplane.
SPEAKER_02:He drops what a weird intro.
SPEAKER_01:What a weird intro. He he drops his papers on the floor, our our guy Elliot, and then his daughter's Ridley. Uh, Paul Rudd's Elliot drops his papers on the floor. He wants to get them, he tries to get him with his foot, can't get anybody's attention.
SPEAKER_02:She's sleeping on his shoulder. He doesn't and this doesn't shift her to the other side, right?
SPEAKER_01:He's sleeping on the shoulder. What does he do, Tony?
SPEAKER_02:He moves as fast as he can, similar to how you when you set up uh China on a table and you pull the tablecloth out as fast as you can. Uh he does that and then she smacks her head on the seat. I don't understand it. I think didn't he blame someone else or something?
SPEAKER_01:How did that happen?
SPEAKER_02:He said something weird because she just goes, What the hell? And then he said something weird. I was just like, What? I don't I guess it sets up the dynamic that he's a shit bird. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, you could just there's just so many options where you could just, you know, push her over, you know, slide her over just like that, and then she would slowly lean the other way, and then you're fine.
SPEAKER_01:And then then he goes for it, then she falls over the other, and she shifts back the other way.
SPEAKER_02:Sure, sure, but at least then you're a respectable person, you know. Like, I don't know. So weird.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-oh. I died. Uh quickly we so basically quickly we learn that they're not communicating because the wife has died, and that has driven a wedge between them.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I didn't I didn't get I don't understand. You know what I mean? Because did he kill her? No. Because then I would understand a little bit, you know.
SPEAKER_01:The best part is later when when they're talking about these tapestries in England, and she's all like, Don't you remember those are my mom, those are mom's favorites, and we went there. And he's all like, nope, don't remember it. Well, sure, because that's a weird thing to do. What do you mean? That's a weird thing to go and visit those?
SPEAKER_02:She loves tapestries and then you went and saw tapestries? That can't be a thing that humans do. What are you talking about? Is it? Yeah. What am I talking about? What are they talking about? So if they went and saw the tapestries. If Naomi came up to me and she was like, hey, do you want to go see some cloth in England? I would be like, no, I don't. That sounds stupid.
SPEAKER_01:But hold on, that's not the point. The point is, would you remember that when she forced you to go and see them?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I would absolutely remember it because I'd remind her once a week that she made me go fly across the world to look at cloth.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. And instead, what did you fly across the world to do, Tony?
SPEAKER_02:Play Pokemon Go.
SPEAKER_01:And go see the uh the Harry Potter.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, we saw uh yeah, Harry Potter in London. Yes, that I mean she saw it. I didn't because I bailed on half of our which she reminds me about all the time.
SPEAKER_01:So would you so the point that he has no memory of this thing, which is her favorite thing, doesn't make it I understand it's not being go like that's a dumb thing for you to like.
SPEAKER_02:Sure, which I'm sure he did because he's not a very nice person either.
SPEAKER_01:So as they're going along, cell phone cuts in and out for unknowable reasons.
SPEAKER_02:I don't understand that you know, woods, the woods.
SPEAKER_01:He has allergies, she has acne, which she picks at, and he's like, Stop picking at that! And she somehow vapes in secret in a car with him.
SPEAKER_02:I was a little confused about that. Um you'd have to be very, very unobservant. Right? Like, what are you talking about? Hey, why are you breathing weird over there? I don't know. How old is she? Uh, somewhere between 16 and 32. That's where I kind of put her age range, give or take.
SPEAKER_01:You gotta tell us how old she is. We don't know if she's in high school, we don't know if she's in college, we don't know if she's done with college, we don't know if she has a job, we don't know if she has friends, we don't even know if she has a fucking personality. Well, she does. She does.
SPEAKER_02:And it's I'm I'm better than you. It's hey, you should be working to save the world. Shame on you. Jesus.
SPEAKER_01:See, that's what I love about this. Tony has read so much into this character because there's nothing there. She does not scold it. She she just she likes bringing something up very slightly.
SPEAKER_02:There's a moment that she scolds. There was a moment after she reads her things about oh unicorns used to be a different way. She goes in there and she tries to tell the adults what's going on. And I was like, you know what? Go to your room. Go to your room.
SPEAKER_01:Jesus. Wow, this is a terrible Tony we've got here. Uh, she's got a nose ring.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it doesn't help me identify an age at all.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Well, you have to be over a certain age to get pierced, I think, some places.
SPEAKER_02:Do you? Uh-huh. Absolutely do. But what if you have an adult? I feel like there's an adult supervision rule that's like you could do whatever you want as long as the adults there.
SPEAKER_01:So if you bring a nine-year-old in that you can like they can get like piercings all over their face.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. I just that that that that that you know, get those row of eyebrow rings on my baby. Yeah, it's fine. I think you can do it.
SPEAKER_01:I think we should do that. Okay, we we cut to a cave, there's a cave, we hear weird, weird, spooky horse noises.
SPEAKER_02:Oh great. So spooky. I was so scared. I was like, what's going on in the cave?
SPEAKER_01:Uh let's see. Uh, the sponsor from uh okay, he talks about how he needs to get this job so he can make money, and they call and they're like, Where are you? You're supposed to be here an hour ago. So he speeds up. Boom! He hits a pretty white unicorn and spins out.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:They go back. This car looked really bad when it was spinning out. It's like a little matchbox cartoon. It was bad. Sorry, it was bad.
SPEAKER_01:Wow, so critical.
SPEAKER_02:Uh, they go back there. I'm there's just ways to shoot. Why are you shooting in in a wide if you don't have money to make the car look realistic? Right? Just shoot inside the car, do one of those. Oh no, we're spinning. You know what I mean? It's easy.
SPEAKER_01:And now people get it. Just cut this into your movie, your movie's fine.
SPEAKER_02:You're fine. Doesn't have to be the same characters. You're all right.
SPEAKER_01:Uh boom. The thing is crying, it's not dead, but if we see that it has big pointy fangs, there's a glowing horn, she touches it, and she has a cosmic experience. Yeah. And then she wakes up with blood splatters on his face because Paul Rudd is beating it to death with a tire iron. I did laugh. I'm not gonna lie to you. I was just like, if this guy doesn't end up dead at the end of the movie, what he is beating to death an animal.
SPEAKER_02:A beautiful, a beautiful, mythical creature. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:He's beating it to death for a little bit. He later says, Cause you were in a trance or something.
SPEAKER_02:Uh yeah, well, he said, um, what's what's the thing where a seizure? He's like, Oh, you're having a seizure. Which yeah, I don't know. I would to me it would be more like, you know, how like if someone's getting electrocuted and you have to take like a broom or a piece of wood and like knock it out of their hands so cuz to kill the electricity, you know? It would be like that. Just lift her hand off of it. You know what I mean? No, stop touching the horn.
SPEAKER_01:He thinks that her seizure will stop if he beats it to death.
SPEAKER_02:If he kills it, if he murders it, yeah. You know, that's how most seizures work. You just gotta find the cause and murder it. There's there's some doctoring for you, everybody.
SPEAKER_01:So they load it up in the van the trick the vehicle. Uh it's gonna fill I mean, wouldn't you just push it off the side of the road and drive away? How much does a horse weigh? Well, it's a big horse. It's a lot. It's a baby horse.
SPEAKER_02:Uh I understand that, but it does take up almost the entire Probably a ton. Probably a ton. Right. How did they get that into the car?
SPEAKER_01:I saw this thing where this guy was trying to put a trying to put this really big tire on the back of this truck. And so he started bouncing it, and it kept bouncing it until it was high, and then he uh put it on. And then just like pushed it in. Yeah. Well, actually mostly just lifted it on. It didn't really seem like he bounced it on. But I was hoping that he would he really just bounced it on. Didn't really seem that way.
SPEAKER_02:It'd be cool if he was just like bounce, bounce, and then like pushes it and it goes on. That would be a cool move.
SPEAKER_01:It was way less elegant than that, but the idea was so maybe they got this baby bouncing and they bounced it right in.
SPEAKER_02:That that's not how horses work. Horses don't bounce. Okay. They trot. Maybe they trot to do they just try here to go here. Trod. Uh yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Sorry. Can't do it. Okay. Or at least show me them doing it. You just showed me him like breaking the skull in. I would love to see him like struggling with horse limbs as he's like trying to push it into the thing. Just like a quick cut of him struggling, is all I need. Can you imagine like returning this car filled with blood? Just like unicorn blood and yeah, windows broken everywhere. It'd be great.
SPEAKER_01:That'd be great. Uh he gets to the lodge. Uh sorry we're late. We meet Shepard, who's played by Will Poulter. We meet Belinda, who's played by Taya Leone, and we meet Odell, who's played by Richard E. Grant. Three three great actors. So now we have five real yeah, five A-listers all standing there in this movie questioning their choice, questioning their life choices.
SPEAKER_02:Their life choices, sure. Yeah. Well, they don't know what the CGI is gonna look like later, so in their defense, they might think that it's gonna look really great.
SPEAKER_01:There it is. We have uh we have their assistant guy Griff, who is the bald guy from Barry.
SPEAKER_02:Love him. He's trying. He's always fun.
SPEAKER_01:He's trying. Uh yeah, he does his best. He does his best. Um, and then we quickly find out that his vision has been fixed. His uh blowing oh, what about in the car? He's blowing his nose, blow, blow, blow, and then he's throwing the used tissues into the console where they're piling up in a big pile.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:What's the question?
SPEAKER_01:Who who does that?
SPEAKER_02:That's me. I thought this was giving me a question.
SPEAKER_01:I didn't want to. You thought you got by it, didn't we? I buy it, didn't we? And I'm I drove past it.
SPEAKER_02:And now you've revert you've circled around to my secret shame. Um, so I do do this, and my wife hates it. She gets so mad at me. Um, because it's disgusting. Right. Like I don't, I know it is. I'm not trying to defend the action, I'm just saying that I do do it, and it does happen. Uh, but it is a horrible, horrible thing to do. It's disgusting. And uh every time she rides in my car, if if if my if my tissue pile's there, she gets she gets real mad.
SPEAKER_01:Hold on a second. You have like a multi-day tissue pile?
SPEAKER_02:Multi-year tissue pile? Not multi-year, but you know, it'd probably a couple of days probably go by before I get the you know, the gumption to just put it into a bag and throw it away. Yeah. Don't you have like a bag in the back seat to put the trash? No, because I threw it away last time with the Kleenex. You know what I mean? So like I have to get a new bag to then come and get the new stuff.
SPEAKER_01:I'm gonna tell you what you can do. Go to the dollar store. You can buy a box of bags, put the box of bags in the back, pull out a new one every time you need it.
SPEAKER_02:That's not a bad idea. I don't think I'm gonna do it. I I just want you to know that I appreciate that and it makes a lot of sense. It doesn't sound like something I'm gonna do.
SPEAKER_01:Now, when you run out of paper towels in your house, do you then wait like another month to get new paper towels?
SPEAKER_02:Uh she buys paper towels. She's way better at that than I am. I think there's a chance that if I was in charge of it, yeah, that would happen. Because you don't remember it until you need them, and then once you need them, it's too late.
SPEAKER_01:So what we learn is that the blood has healed her acne and healed his healed his vision because he got blood in his eyes, I guess.
SPEAKER_02:But also his his allergies. Yeah, so he got some in his mouth and oh I guess that makes sense. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:They didn't say that, but assumption. Yeah. Uh-oh, Shen is mad. Well, it is early. I'm being too loud. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Um so the idea is if they sign these papers, then they'll they'll he'll he'll be in work, he'll be, you know, tied to them permanently. They're like, we have to meet understand you as people, so we're not signing just yet. Put those papers away. Right.
SPEAKER_02:Does this seem like the kind of crowd that would want to know people personally? No. Right. I thought this was very weird because they don't seem like they care at all. You know? Okay. Well, as long as we agree. What is this whole movie about, Tony? Uh, just agreed, I guess. It's about you know what I mean. It's about money. Dan's favorite topic.
SPEAKER_01:What are we supposed to make movies about, Tony? Money. No, anything but money. Sex, sex and money.
SPEAKER_02:Those are my two things.
SPEAKER_01:No, you can't make movies about sex. You shouldn't make movies about money.
SPEAKER_02:This doesn't sound right. This doesn't sound like my entire my entire life plan here. I'm I'm gonna do the other two.
SPEAKER_01:So that's what you're doing. You're sitting down to write your sex and money movie?
SPEAKER_02:Sex and that's what it's called. Sex and money. It's good. I just want you to know up front. Is it gonna start Kelsey Grammar? How is Frasier the first person you went to? Um, I love it.
SPEAKER_01:He did a classic bad movie called Money Plane that people always talk about.
SPEAKER_02:Money plane. But it's a I guess we'll have to do that now.
SPEAKER_01:No, no, super cheap, cheap, low rent movie.
SPEAKER_02:It's just oh, okay. Well that that's what mine will be as well. So maybe he's on board. Kelsey, if you're listening, hook hook up, call me.
SPEAKER_01:So Jen Ortega looks out the window, boom, the the unicorn's awake in the car. Everyone goes outside, the unicorn breaks through the window, and they're all like, hey, unicorn, and boom, the security person shoots the unicorn in the head.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. How did how'd you like the shot and the surprise of the person shooting the unicorn in the head?
SPEAKER_02:Were you surprised by it? Oh, okay. I thought that's I thought you were saying you were surprised by it, and then I was surprised by your surprise.
SPEAKER_01:Because I was what how what level of surprise do you think I was surprised with?
SPEAKER_02:I think Dan Goodsell was a four, and I was a zero, and now I'm a nine on my surprise of your surprise. Our lack of surprise. Yeah, exactly. I got confused on our scales. Um, yeah, I mean, no, this is a terrible scene. This is a terrible scene. I hate it. I hated this scene in specifics. Um, the horse looks like a weird cartoon, like its mouth is too big when it's coming. Yeah, that's it. That's it exactly. But your snauts way longer and you're coming out of a broken window. Um, it looks dumb. It just looks bad. I don't know. Um just snip it in. It'll be forever.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it was terrible.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it was really bad.
SPEAKER_01:Now we really bad. Now we all stand around looking at the the dead thing, and you know, they're all like they all start sort of dancing around saying it's a unicorn for some unknowable reason.
SPEAKER_02:Well, somebody says something like, I think we all know what this is. Yeah. And then and then the guy from Barry is like, it looks like a unicorn or something. I it was a very weird does seem like a unicorn. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's what he says. And I was like, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01:And then we instantaneously establish that it can cure anything.
SPEAKER_02:Every anything and everything. Yeah. Instantaneous. That's right.
SPEAKER_01:Uh we cut to the night, she's smoking. Dad comes in, are you okay? Then he talks about protecting her, and he's he's mad about her supposed connection to the unicorn because Right, because she has like a connection after the horn grabbing, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you know, you get it. Sex and money.
SPEAKER_01:All he cares about are the people that I mean that's the thing. If he actually seemed to care about he didn't seem to care about the situation, he seemed to just care about the money.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yes. Now, which I also have a problem with, only because they don't seem hard up for money. You know what I mean? Not that I'm promoting that they should make it even more about money. Yes. Uh, because then Dan would be even angrier. Yeah. But if there was like a reason that he needed money, other than he was like, Don't worry, honey, as you die, I'll give our daughter lots of money. You know, like that's not a thing you say, anyhow. So I just maybe in the beginning in the car, there's a conversation about how they need money for something. You know, I don't know, maybe her college, maybe her school. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Maybe he maybe he tries a couple different credit cards to get the car, and we're like, oh shit, great, something going on.
SPEAKER_02:Rejected, rejected. Yeah, I don't declined, that's the word. Yeah. Happens to me all the time, you think I'd know.
SPEAKER_01:It's interesting. In that first knives out movie, yeah. Chris Evans character, they like chose his wardrobe and it was like war, you know, it was expensive wardrobe, but it was worn in places. Yeah. I never noticed it because I don't pay attention to that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_02:But Right, but then other people are like, pay attention to that, and you're like, oh, what a nice little note.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. This thing they don't send any of them actually having financial problems.
SPEAKER_02:Nope, not at all. Other than he just wants money.
SPEAKER_01:And then the rich people, my other thought is have them struggling.
SPEAKER_02:Sure, right? I mean, rich people struggle all the time because we spend money. We're the donors. I am one of the rich class, and we spent all of our money, and now it's all tied up in our investments and our houses and our boats.
SPEAKER_01:And I mean, if there was something like that in there where they, you know, that's like we're rich, but we want to be more rich. There's there's not an immediacy to that.
SPEAKER_02:He's dying and he's not leaving you as much money as you wanted, you know what I mean? Something. Anything.
SPEAKER_01:Those three family members never get at each other's throats at all.
SPEAKER_00:Like for one second. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And I'm sorry, but that kid, when when dad comes back to life, and the mom they should both be completely because they were about to come into a windfall and now nothing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yep. You know, 100% right. You need to. I guess that's the thing, is they don't play with they've set up power dynamics and then they don't touch them at all. I mean, nobody ever turned on the big guy, even for one second.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, I would have turned on him. He seems mean.
SPEAKER_01:Just for his meanness. Not because for his meanness. You know? A little bit of both. So then she sort of throws him out, and then she's all like, I love you. And then she decides to do her research. The research part of the you want to talk about the research part of the movie, Tony?
SPEAKER_02:No, because I didn't it didn't I'm confused. How much research do you think there is on unicorns? Just out of curiosity. Like a lot?
SPEAKER_01:That's a good question. That's a good question. All her research is is looking at these tapestries and then looking at them and some summarizing what they show and then figuring out later exactly what she already summarized, and then I think she figures out a third time by summarizing them a third. Third time exactly the same. She never she never finds a clue. She never sees something in them that's like, oh, we we need to get this to fight. No, she just and they what's his name? Brings at one point brings out the large scale printer. She prints them out really big as if by yeah, and she doesn't see anything because they're big. She can just have them.
SPEAKER_02:It's more that we can see them now that they're big. You know what I mean? Like they're big, so I can kind of see what's going on on them.
SPEAKER_01:It's it's one of the most non-revealed continuous reveals that nothing is revealed. Yeah, you're right about that.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, let's let's take a moment and look at a thing like Supernatural, the greatest television show ever made, right? Or the X-Files. Okay. Those in general, there are things that you can research, right? All of those, all of those episodes are based off of like mythology or like superstition, like things that we are familiar with that have lore to them. Um and generally they don't find that in tapestries, right? There's just like well, there's like books or cave paintings, you know, like things like that. But three tapestries. Well that are all that's it.
SPEAKER_01:Well, she just keeps going back to the tapestries.
SPEAKER_02:That's what I'm saying. It's just three, and it's three of them, right? If I'm not like there was I think there's I think it was three. No, there's six or eight. No, I think there's three. We're gonna stick to the three.
SPEAKER_01:And then and I think at one point she says there's one that was damaged or missing, and you're kind of like, oh, okay, that's she's gonna reconstruct the missing one and find some, you know. I I found Pliny the Elder wrote in his his uh whatchamacallits about that one, and he said, Oh, this is the one that tells you how to defeat the stupid fuckers.
SPEAKER_02:Nope. Nope, nope, that's not what's gonna happen.
SPEAKER_01:And they also never establish why there are unicorns living in these Colorado mountains or wherever we're at.
SPEAKER_02:And do they because I don't know how much of attention I was paying to this movie. Um, do they explain how or where these tapestries come from? Not really.
SPEAKER_01:Of course! They're real, these these are real.
SPEAKER_02:Wait, are they real real? Yeah, they're real real. They're in England. Wait, wait, oh, so I could actually take a trip to see these cloths? Yeah, they're in the cloisters. I think so. Now you're just making up words, Dan. That's that's not fair to anybody.
SPEAKER_01:Cloysters is part of like a church or a place where monks live.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's a Pokemon. I think cloisters are Pokemon.
SPEAKER_01:I I'm I'm looking forward to the day when there are stupid little kids that have spent so much time that all their knowledge comes from something stupid like Pokemon.
SPEAKER_02:I think we're already living in that, Dan. It's me. I'm here for it. We're gonna be talking about Pokemon.
SPEAKER_01:Starting to add samples. Oh, you'll be talking about the Pokemon. Yeah, those those those are they're real. They're real tapestries.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:All right.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I don't know, I don't know if they're all real, but I know that one of him sitting in the pan. I know that one's real.
SPEAKER_02:That one's real. All right. Well, there you go.
SPEAKER_01:She's looking at that. Uh boom, she wakes up, the hazmat people are here, they drag her down there, they do tests on her, and we quickly find out that uh um yeah, the the horns do magical things.
SPEAKER_02:Now, why did they need to come kidnap her? Because didn't they volunteer for this? Weren't they on board for this? They were like, yep, we'll do it. And then there's a weird kidnapping scene where she's like, What's happening? What's happening? What you talked about's happening.
SPEAKER_01:I don't I don't understand why this is a weird scene. So the two doctors, the man and a woman, the man's like an Asian guy, and then the woman's like uh of Indian descent. She's the one from the from the what should we call it musical. Uh she plays the ghost of future of uh present day, I think.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, oh, from uh Good Afternoon. Good afternoon. Yes, what's the name of that movie is Spirited?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think that's right. Spirited. No, that's her. She's wonderful, she's a great comedian, she's hilarious. She does like a bit where she tries to take off the suit funnily.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And you're like, what is happening?
SPEAKER_02:Why why is this in this movie?
SPEAKER_01:Why is this? You know, it's like she's like, ah, you know, we can do it, it'd be funny. And they're like, Oh yeah, do that, do that. It's funny. And then in the middle of the scene, you're just like, Wow, this is this is so bad. It's not her fault, but it's it's because it's not her fault because I in a movie I think it could be funny.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, it's a good joke. But it has to be motivated by something, you know what I mean? Yeah, just doesn't make any sense in this in this moving picture.
SPEAKER_01:Uh they grind up some of the horn and give it to Odell. Uh Ridley then goes into the woods, wanders about the woods a bit, and then uh comes back. Um boop, boop, boop, boop, Ridley runs back, nothing happens to her. Um we also make a joke that this is Blackfoot land. Odell makes that joke in there. That this is Blackfoot Indian land.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, do you know why?
SPEAKER_01:Was that I think that's just supposed to show that they're stealing land from the in Native Americans.
SPEAKER_02:Just white people stuff. Okay. I mean, that's fine. Yeah, I just I was like, okay. I don't even think I wrote anything down. I think I was just like, yeah, that alright, cool. Is that gonna come back? Were they big fans of the unicorn? I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Uh boom! Odell is better. They've cured cancer.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, this was this was an interesting thing. Like when he comes out with the cane, yeah, drops the cane and he's like hunched and he's hunched over, and then he drops the cane and like stands up. For dramatic effect. I've yeah, I feel like I've seen that somewhere. It's kind of a ripoff of Willy Wonka. Is that when he does the somersault? Okay. I think that's it. I see what you're saying. Yeah, I don't know. Like, it just felt really familiar to me, and I was like, this is a weird. I'm having a weird deja vu moment in this movie that I don't like or haven't seen before. And I just wasn't sure. Yeah, maybe that is what it is. I don't know. It's just it was just a weird moment.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it's a very easy scene to write. The real the good scene. Sure. He's he's sitting there, they're talking about something, he's asleep, right?
SPEAKER_00:He's like Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then first of all, they're talking, they're not even paying attention to him. He's he's it he's in the background.
SPEAKER_00:He's conked out.
SPEAKER_01:He's conked out. He's like they're talking about oh, we gotta do this, we gotta do this, we gotta we're gonna have to move the baby out of here, we gotta, or we're gonna move the body out of here and take it to the lab. Yeah, we gotta take the body to the lab. Because that's what they start doing now. He's back down to do it, and we we see his head, his head comes up, and then we we see him stand.
SPEAKER_02:And he's all in soft focus. I like it. He's all in soft focus.
SPEAKER_01:He he gets up, and then somebody looks and sees him, and they, you know, sh the focus shifts to him. We see him, he walks forward, yeah, and you could you could do the ripoff on that gag this way. Sure, because you might not be ripping off the gag, and that's the whole bit. He's using the cane, and then he goes over and they all reach, and then he spins it and he goes, ha ha! I'm back.
SPEAKER_00:Boom.
SPEAKER_01:You have a screw so you have an actual the scene they did, they start it with their they're shooting him like in the weird profile. You're like, what is happening? And he pushes, it's just like so stupid. So they're gonna try and take the baby out of there. Right? Oh no, no. This they're gonna take the baby out of there. Now we have a whole scene where they talk about who they're gonna charge because they can't replicate it, so they've got the horn. They're gonna grind up the horn and cure X amount of people.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, just a couple. Yeah, just a couple of high-profile, very uh lucrative people.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And then they have champagne, and then the lights go out. And now they're like, okay, lights once the lights go out, we know something's bad is happening.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, it's always a bad sign.
SPEAKER_01:Let's try and get the baby into the van. The scientists go take the baby in the van, and the main scientist guy gets stabbed by the unicorn that's outside.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah, you know, what doesn't matter. I so I had a it was a weird sequence because he is so it's like a tarp, right? They're in like a tarped area. Yeah. And he does the move, like he just got stabbed, and then opens his shirt, and it's just like slowly bleeding. Yeah. And then we cut to the other doctor, and then she gets sprayed with blood. Yeah. So it's like wait, then we cut back, we cut back, and we see the horn all the way through it. Is all the way through, but that means like at some point the horn like paused in his body? And I was like, What is what's happening? I don't understand. So, like the unicorn, like if we were doing a sex analogy, right? The unicorn like put just the tip in and then paused and then was like, you know what, this is nice. I'm gonna go all the way in.
SPEAKER_01:Here's your here's your question. So the woman has just the tip in. Let's see. What does she do? Does she does she feel around to her back to see if it's gone all the way through her at that point? No. She waits till the thrusting goes, then she checks her back for a hole.
unknown:Right?
SPEAKER_01:Is that what you're saying, Tony? Does she?
SPEAKER_02:I've never experienced that.
SPEAKER_01:Why would he um why would if you're getting stupid? I don't know, and that's just so why are you opening? Let me let me check to see if it's coming in this way. Right? Although I will say Yeah. I will say sometimes you get the you get the phantom hair. Do you ever get the phantom hair, Tony? I don't what do you mean? Tell me what the phone is. What the phantom hair is is you've got like a hair that somehow poked through like your shirt or something, and then it's it's it sticks like this. And so when it sets down, it's like like just this hair, it pokes you, and you're like, ah, what's happening?
SPEAKER_02:Because I think I do get that.
SPEAKER_01:The phantom hair. I had this the other day, and Shannon's like, what is wrong with you? I'm like, the hair. She's not happy with me.
SPEAKER_02:Sure, sure. Well, she doesn't understand. It's real. So it's a phantom hair situation. It's a phantom Okay, it's a phantom hair situation with a unit.
SPEAKER_01:But you don't check the front when you have the phantom hair, you check your back when you have the phantom.
SPEAKER_02:Right. You're like, hey, what just stab me in the back? He should reach around.
SPEAKER_01:He should reach around and pull back his hand covered in blood. Okay. Sure. That's a bit.
SPEAKER_02:And then he's like, uh-oh, I'm in trouble. And then it goes, you know, full bore. Yeah. I don't know. It was just a very weird sequence. I didn't understand it.
SPEAKER_01:And like all the rest of the time, when there's a horse standing right outside, they could see it on the outside of the shadow.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you can see the shadow. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Yeah. I wouldn't think too hard about it, guys.
SPEAKER_01:Uh uh Ridley's in the car, and then she gets out of the car, and she's under the car, and then the thing is there, it stomps on a guy's head. Then Paul Rudd does the sneak around the car, trick the animal, then somehow they then have time to just run inside.
SPEAKER_02:Well, but only one only only Jenna runs inside. Paul just stays out. Oh, does he just stay out? Yeah, super confusing stuff, guys. I don't know. But I guess they have to do that because they have to separate them so she can show that she has a connection with it.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, sure. Uh then gunfire drives off the animals. Yeah. Uh they quiz. Now we go back inside, they quiz her about it, and she's like, I'm connected to that thing. Maybe if we just give it the baby, then it'll leave. And they're all like, Yeah, well, we should probably just go out there and hunt the thing down so that we can breed breed it or something.
SPEAKER_02:Well, yeah, it doesn't really make sense. You've been trying to shoot it for a while, but that's fine. Whatever you want to do.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Uh Shepard doesn't want to go, and so we leave Shepard and uh Griff and uh Ridley stay behind. And they they they trust Paul Rudd's character with a gun. Uh would you trust Paul Rudd's character with a gun?
SPEAKER_02:No. He hasn't showed any reason for me to trust him with a gun. One, I don't know if he knows how to use it. He's gonna shoot me with it, probably, on accident. Two, he doesn't seem like a very trustworthy person. I don't even know why they've let him into the inner circle at all.
SPEAKER_01:He doesn't seem like he has not done anything to prove himself.
SPEAKER_02:No. So no, I would not trust him with a gun.
SPEAKER_01:Uh they go out there and they track the blood, and then Shepard chooses this moment to start snorting the horn. Yeah, which is fun. One of the more interesting things in the whole movie, uh if I wrote this line and I oh well no, if say Tony wrote this terrible script, great, and I was having to fix it.
SPEAKER_02:Which is that's usually what happens. Yeah, I think it's a good thing. What I would say is, oh, so the horn is addictive, right? Sure, as it should be, but like really addictive.
SPEAKER_01:Shenna or Tegus character should be addicted to the horn.
SPEAKER_02:To the touching, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And that becomes interesting.
SPEAKER_02:Sure.
SPEAKER_01:She doesn't want to go, she wants to stay there. Yeah, she wants that horn. She wants the horn. All ladies want the horn. Don't they, Tony?
SPEAKER_02:No, they don't. Not all of them. At least not the ones. Okay, we're gonna stop. Not the ones I know, that's for sure.
SPEAKER_01:That's for sure. Uh Ridley wants Ridley goes in the car, wants to leave, but she sees the tissues. She goes inside and she figures something out.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I didn't I didn't understand the catalyst. Okay, that's fine. Didn't understand the cat. It doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_01:Uh the unicorns out in the forest eat the lady, they kill the dude, and then the other two of them are allowed to easily run back to the house.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Totally fine. Yeah, yeah. Unicorns are distract, they're distracted, they're having, they're doing their thing, you know. It's fine.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I would have bought that if like the unicorn like bit the one mighty and then just was like, they were just we are going to defile this corpse, right? If they if they were out there defiling the hell out of the corpse, and the two of them are like watching this happen, like in real giant CGI where Tony can see every problem.
SPEAKER_02:I want to see all I want to see all your terrible CGI, please. What color are the unicorns? Um, are they black? White and black? I mean they're they're completely black at the end. Sure, but are they are they turning black?
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. It felt like a spectrum sometimes. Wait, because they turned white again at the end. At the end, after they did their weird horn dance, ba ba ba ba, and then sh brought the little one back, they all turned back to white.
SPEAKER_01:So they were getting blacker as they went along as they did more ill deeds?
SPEAKER_02:Bad so that well that yeah, I don't know if it's a spec yeah, I Dan, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:I don't because I thought they were white until like the the one of the very last scenes, and then they were black when they walked out of the house, and I was like, when did they become black?
SPEAKER_02:I think like throughout the night they were getting darker. I think. Oh, okay. I don't know. Which is you know problematic in itself, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I'm not going there, Tony. You can be as racist as you want.
SPEAKER_02:No, I just mean good and evil. I just meant like good and evil, you know what I mean? So white is good and black is evil. I mean, that's I think that's what they're going for. That's what I'm saying is problematic, right? But I think that that was the idea, is like the the more they give in to their base needs, they change colors.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So they're gonna try to give the baby back. The dad tries to call the police, but the power is out, and the gates are closed. So we do this whole bit where they're like, who's gonna go? We'll draw straws, and then they're like, No, we're gonna vote, and we're gonna vote for Griff, the worker, and then he's gonna have to go because and he's he just he just he doesn't want to go, but he goes.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, well, it's very he's like, I'm not the gatekeeper or something, and I was like, What is happening? This is a weird, I don't understand. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:In the original Squid game, it got to this point where they're like, you gotta pick people, and if you don't pick people, then you all die. And you had people starting to be like, No, no, man. Yeah, 100%. It was an interesting dynamic, and when they just force Griff to go and he goes, you're just like, Well, no, he has to do something different.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:He doesn't. Tony, talk about Griff opening the gate.
SPEAKER_02:Oh boy. Um doesn't he doesn't he just go out there and open it while the other doctor is like doing her thing? Did doesn't she get chased by the unicorns? Yeah. And he opens the gate?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:How does he open the gate? What is what is the mechanism for opening the gate?
SPEAKER_02:I don't even remember.
SPEAKER_01:I feel like it just opened really easily. Well, they sort of Is it not? At one point they sort of show like there's a board boarding it up, but I don't know what that was about. He has to crank this cranky wheel.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, I know I remember hundreds of times. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:He opens an electrical box first, and then he has to do the cranky wheel.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, okay. I'm remembering now. Uh, this is this was during my like, I'm starting to fall asleep. This is where you're starting to fall asleep. Okay. Yeah, is where I'm starting to lose the thread a little bit, Dan.
SPEAKER_01:Uh the then while he's doing this, they're they're sort of starting to get in the cars, but but uh Shepp's up there snorting, and so they have to go get him, and so then the scientist lady gets eaten.
SPEAKER_02:He had this is one of my only laughs of the whole movie, I think. Yeah. Um, what is it? Oh, yeah. So the mom, I think it's Tia Leone. She's like, she just they're she's talking to the son, and she's like, Are you snorting that? And he is like telling his plan, and in the middle of his plan, he goes, Yes, yes, I am. Like really snippy, and then goes right back to his plan. And I laughed really hard. I thought that was delivered like really, really well. Will really he really crushed that line. It was very funny.
SPEAKER_01:In a good movie, he would have been great in this. Oh, 100%.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, he's wonderful. He's great. I've I've never seen anything where I'm like, oh, he's no good. Yeah, so he's great, and uh, I just that line just cracked me up.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yes, I yes, I am. He probably has about 75% of the actual comedic lines of the whole movie.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And yeah, I mean he fits, he was he was a very nice cast in this role. Like he plays it really well. So, you know, silver linings, everybody.
SPEAKER_01:Um uh oh, what's his name? Goes oh, Shep figures it out that the reason why Jenna Ortega controls the unicorns is she's a pure hearted maiden.
unknown:Or
SPEAKER_01:Like, wow, I I wouldn't have figured that out an hour earlier in the movie.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, Dan. So smart. You knew that though, right? No, because she doesn't seem pure-hearted. She seems mean. Okay. She's very judgmental, Dan. I don't know if you know this yet. Yeah, but I think the idea is she's never had sex.
SPEAKER_01:That I believe. Because she's a mean person. Wow. Okay, so Dan finally decides to says it's all my fault. I'm not gonna work for these people, blah, blah, blah. And then he sees that she's vaping, and he's like, Are you vaping? Do you vape? I'm like, I don't, no, you've you've this is your change moment. You can't have it be a scold at that point.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, it was a weird, it's a weird switch. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Uh everybody chases around the house, and we split up. Shep throws a shoe to distract the thing, and he actually throws the other shoe at it later, which I thought was funny. Um I don't remember the other shoe.
SPEAKER_02:Uh-oh, might have been sleeping during shoe number two.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um, they're like, we could blow it up with oxygen, and then they look and they say the horn is gone. It turns out that Paul Rudd's character has stolen the horn and is carrying it around even after he sort of said he made up with his daughter.
SPEAKER_02:Right. I um yeah. I mean, he's just a bad guy through and through, I guess, is the that's the answer.
SPEAKER_01:Yep. Uh Taylor gets stabbed through the door with the horn. Uh and then then she's on the pool table, and the horde, the thing's eating his entrails, and then she turns on the gas to try to blow it up, and then Will Poulter's character doesn't blow it up. Shep just goes like, ah, I'm not gonna blow it up. Well, he's high. He's so high. Uh and then the and then Paul Rudd runs. Oh, he he locks Jenna Ortega out on the balcony, and then he starts to run away, and then we go from I don't know, five o'clock, six o'clock in the morning to eleven thirty.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, eleven thirty, okay.
SPEAKER_01:In the in the day. It is now eleven thirty in the day. The sun is high in the sky, and it's completely daylight.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, that's true.
SPEAKER_01:Wait, wait, wait, what? And he was running from this thing for five and a half hours.
SPEAKER_02:You give or take. You could do it. That's adrenaline for you, you know. You could run a whole marathon just because of the because you're scared. I have no idea, Dan. Don't don't look at me. Did this anchor you?
SPEAKER_01:No, but again, wait, the terrible CGI anchors you, but the five-hour time skip doesn't bother you at all.
SPEAKER_02:Well, what I'm saying is we are we are on the precipice of me falling asleep right now. So my my enthusiasm for this movie has waned a long time ago. And so I feel I'm just like, what the what the hell are we doing? So you're kind of in a twilight zone. You're like, I don't know what's happened. No, I don't I don't know, man. I don't know, I don't know. Uh, but yeah, it's weird, it doesn't make any sense, it's very jarring.
SPEAKER_01:So they come the the one unicorn comes out of the house, Jenna Ortega is there, it comes over and we can't see it, and then it's laying next to her. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You know, as they do.
SPEAKER_01:Why didn't we show we didn't we don't show it? We don't show the one laying down.
SPEAKER_02:That's true, isn't it?
SPEAKER_01:It's really weird. Yeah. It's just weird. It's just kind of laying down. Oh, Shep's got the bow on her. He's like, I'm gonna bow you if you do anything wrong. Yeah, he sort of ties up its legs with this tiny piece of rope. Yeah, sort of. And then lo and behold, here comes Paul Rudd with the horn leading the other one right there where she can put her maiden wilds on it, and it also falls asleep and it also gets tied up.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. You know virgins. Bird virgins? Did I say bird?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, maybe he's a virgin too. Do you think so?
SPEAKER_02:With all his drugs? I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Uh and then he comes over with the horn at Paul Reddit, and then he stabs Shep, and then Shep stabs him.
SPEAKER_02:And then like a really weird, slow battle. It's so weird how slow this is. Like it it feels like it's just like they're because they're kind of just like, you know, and then he's just ah, got you, and then he's like, ah, got you, and then they're both, they're both dying. I don't know, man. It was so bizarre.
SPEAKER_01:The unicorn parents get up, they stand over Jenna Ortega, they cross their horns, the baby comes to life, uh Elliot, uh Paul Rudd comes back to life, and they're all back to life, and then he touches the horn and he sees the visions, and he knows that they're gonna fall in the water.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Did she see the future?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, she saw it too. She did? No, no, not this time. The first time. No. Right. So why why didn't the horn touch it? Oh, so one is just drugs, and then two is the future. I don't get it.
SPEAKER_01:And you have to be resurrecting a baby unicorn too while you're at it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I don't I don't get the rules. I don't understand the rules of the unicorn horn. I don't get it. And that bothers me. That always frustrates me. If I don't understand your rules, it frustrates me.
SPEAKER_01:Griff survived. He brings the police. The police arrest them saying that they killed everyone. They drive away. Griff is driving the police. Yeah. Griff is driving behind them in his weird little car?
SPEAKER_02:Just so close. Like, let you know you're supposed to wait. What is it, two seconds between cars? He's only half a second.
SPEAKER_01:Supposed to two seconds for every 10 miles an hour.
SPEAKER_02:Wait, is that the rule? I'm just like two seconds, period. So it doesn't. If I'm going 110, I'm just like, make sure you're two seconds behind me. No. Well, shit, I'm doing it wrong.
SPEAKER_01:Doing it wrong.
SPEAKER_02:Uh doing some bad math here, Dan.
SPEAKER_01:Here come the unicorns, all three of them, all white again, all happy. They're like following. They go down there, they don't push Griff off the road. He's all like, eh, cool, bro. And then they then they come up next to the police cruiser, and then Jenna and Dad are like, oh, we know everything's gonna be okay.
SPEAKER_02:Well, they like look into the eye of the unicorn or something, and it's like, well, I'm looking right back, and then and then they're like, okay, we better lock in. Now, if you were a police person driving this car and three unicorns, oh, you would. You would slow down. Oh, you'd speed up.
SPEAKER_01:You wouldn't, I wouldn't do I'm I'm saying anything. Hold on, what do you you got three options, Tony? You could slow down, right, speed up, stay the same, stay the same speed.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Which one do you? I mean, I meant the only one I'm not gonna do is stay the same speed, which is what this person does. Doesn't change anything about the way they're driving whatsoever. Doesn't seem to notice or think it's weird that three unicorns just ran up next to the car. We get no reaction job with this point. No reaction whatsoever. I just do something, do one, do anything, but just don't just be like, cool, all right, and still going about my day. That doesn't make any sense, Dan. And what do the unicorns do, Tony? I guess they ram the car and flip it into the water at like 80 miles per hour. They're dead. They're all dead. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Here I am, this police lady, right? I come into work. Okay, you're the police lady. Nothing ever happens, boom, mil three millionaires dead on the mountain.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:I take these people, these people in custody, and I die for this. Why why are we why why are we killing this poor policewoman? She didn't do anything. I really thought we were gonna they were gonna have to climb out of the police car onto the unicorns and ride away. That's what I thought you had to do.
SPEAKER_02:That would have been amazing. And now I wish that's what it happened. But it's that's not what happened, Dan. She this poor lady probably went through the windshield at some point, you know?
SPEAKER_01:Because they they put on their seat belts. Because if I've watched enough cop shows, that's like an optional thing in the back of the police car, is you putting on your seat belts. Interesting. Yeah, yeah, there you go. It is not. That is not what happens.
SPEAKER_02:Do they make you put them on? Are you kidding me? Of course they do. I don't know. I don't watch cop shows, and I have certainly never been arrested, knock on wood.
SPEAKER_01:First of all, I'll tell you something about cop shows. You know where they never handcuff you? In the fucking front. In the front.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Never, especially if you're if you're a murder if they think you're you've murdered millionaires, your hands are behind your back. You are you are a scrap in, you're not, you're not hugging on each other. First of all, they would not ever in a million years transport the two of you in one car together. Together. Never in a fucking million years.
SPEAKER_02:Thank God you watch a lot of cop shows to clear this up for us. It's a lot of cop shows.
SPEAKER_01:And so I guess they pushed them off into the river and then it's okay? Like what I guess that's the point. Griff knows who they are, right?
SPEAKER_02:So they're fugitives for life? Well, I mean, yeah, for sure, at least, right? Now, what's confusing to me, I mean, other than everything we've just said, they also show the cop talking in the radio. It's like, well, I've got these people, you'll never believe what they said, or something like that. So it sounds like they were like, hey, there's unicorns. Yeah. And then the unicorns that you don't believe exist run up next to your car, yeah, and then you just you just ignore them. Yeah. I don't I don't get any of it. It doesn't, this is a terrible end to a movie. It's a stupid movie. I mean, it's not good, right? It's not a good movie. Anything else you want to say about this movie, Tony? Well, it makes me concerned. So, and this is a very personal matter. This makes me concerned. Okay, because remember, I I've told you about the movie I want to write, my Santa Werewolf movie, where we open by killing Rudolph and then bringing Rudolph back to life at the end. This that's basically what they did in this movie, where they kill a baby unicorn and then bring it back to life later. And I just, you know, I thought it was funny, but I didn't love it. And then now I'm concerned about my own movie idea, and I just don't know if it's gonna work.
SPEAKER_01:You're gonna you're gonna show graphically on a screen a cute baby reindeer that everyone loves getting murdered. Correct. Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:I mean That's the idea.
SPEAKER_01:All I can say is violence to animals is probably Yeah, it's the top thing that you don't want to ever put in any movie ever. I agree.
SPEAKER_02:I agree. I know, I get it, but I you know, but it's gonna come back to life, so it's fine. But I so I think I just don't know. Yeah, I think so. I think that's how it works.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, that's not how it works. It's like it's like you when you when someone stabs you, you don't like think if if the it once you healed up, you don't like go, well, nothing really happened.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I do. Come on, you still have the memories of being stabbed. You gotta forgive, you gotta forgive and forget, Danny. You kind of move on. You're hanging on to things too hard.
SPEAKER_01:You know what I have to say about in movie audiences, they're they just are like, I'm gonna like you know, JK Rowling's not so bad, except all her beliefs.
SPEAKER_02:And just her general essence as a person. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I'm probably gonna still keep loving her work because I know, yeah, I'm I'm concerned.
SPEAKER_02:I think I'm gonna stick to my guns, but I'm concerned. I'll just say that. Okay. Who knows? Who knows if it's gonna work or not? I mean, maybe we just don't go as graphic as I thought. You know, maybe that's the maybe that's gonna help. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, why do you want to have this this this reindeer murdered? Because it's funny to me.
SPEAKER_02:Because you know, Santa turns into a werewolf, and then you start the movie by massacring your delightful reindeer.
SPEAKER_01:Why don't you just have him murder all the elves? I think everyone would be fine with that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, but then he'd have to be in the North Pole then. I don't know, because he's he it's a whole thing. I don't know. I I gotta think about it.
SPEAKER_01:Why don't you have why don't you have him think why don't you have him turn into the werewolf, attack, you know, jump for the reindeers. The reindeers are like joink, and he goes, crashes down into the city, and then starts killing people in the city.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I just really like the idea of a wide shot of the woods where Rudolph's nose is like bright in the distance, and then it slowly blinks out, and then the werewolf comes, you know, through you. It's a great, it's a beautiful shot.
SPEAKER_01:Then just make it a great fight. Why is he have to get murdered?
SPEAKER_02:Like what well, because then at the end the Santa Magic has to bring everybody back to life. You know, now I'm just giving away my whole movie, by the way, guys. So don't steal this idea.
SPEAKER_01:I I I don't think you gain a lot of benefit from making your primary killer primary killer murder the most sympathetic thing that you can think of. That's but that's the idea. That's that was the whole idea.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:It's weird. Well, it's if you can nail if you could tell me one movie out there where they murder the most sympathetic character, and then somehow at the end you're supposed to feel okay about that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know who doesn't do that? Anyone.
SPEAKER_02:Because exactly. Because they're chicken, because they're chicken, Dan, and I'm gonna be the first one to do it. I understand what you say. It all makes a lot of sense. And that's what I'm saying. I'm worried, I'm concerned. This movie has taught me a lot of things, you know. So thank you. Uh, Death of a Unicorn.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. You know, I mean, there are some people that can look around that. And maybe those are the the people that have no souls and have our psychopaths. Maybe that's who you're making your movies.
SPEAKER_02:Those are my those are my people. Those are my people. My brethren. I don't know. I don't know, Dan.
SPEAKER_01:I think it's a lot funnier if you killed a bunch of elves. That's that's funny to me. And I think everyone loves it.
SPEAKER_02:It's just hard. Why is that hard? I don't know. Settings-wise, it's just harder to fit into a story. I don't know. I'll think on it.
SPEAKER_01:So you're making your decisions based on your shooting budget. Is that what you're saying?
SPEAKER_02:I mean, as I said, the guy from Death of a Unicorn should have done. You gotta make decisions based on your shooting budget.
SPEAKER_01:Well, what so yeah, so you think that by murdering Rudolph and then bringing him back will make people feel better.
SPEAKER_02:Magic. Yeah, magical. Magical stuff. Yeah, it's gonna be great. You know what? People are gonna cry, they're gonna love it. Why don't you talk me back?
SPEAKER_01:Why don't you have him kill like Tiny Tim or some sympathetic character that you make, a human being, and it would be funny to kill Tiny Tim. Because that's the other thing is murdering an animal, people just feel bad about it. They don't they don't put the because the animal can't have the same emotional stakes that a human being has. You can if you kill Rudolph, everyone's automatically on Rudolph's side. But if you if Tiny Tim is there, yeah, and you go through a whole thing, and then like think about it, like I was talking about this with uh Todd. Todd's like, they're gonna kill Dustin and Steve in Stranger Things 5. That's what he says.
SPEAKER_02:100%. Right? I yeah, I mean Steve's I we haven't even started this season, but Steve has to die.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, Steve's, but they'll they're gonna both die because you can't kill one. You gotta kill them both.
SPEAKER_02:That's that is true. Yep, I agree with that.
SPEAKER_01:As opposed to like, if you'd have murdered uh whoever who's the little girl that's in this one, if you'd have murdered her right at the beginning of the show, you wouldn't have become invested in her. You'd just be like, well, that's a terrible person. If you kill someone that you're not truly because you're not invested in Rudolph. You're yeah, all you're gonna be invested in is hating the person, which is you, the writer-director, as opposed to the monster.
SPEAKER_02:So you want to make it so everyone hates you. Yeah, yeah, but in a fun way, you know what I mean? Because uh, we're I'm in on the joke. Hold on. That's the idea.
SPEAKER_01:The whole idea is you are pointing yourself out in your own movie. Like, look at look at I'm the most important.
SPEAKER_02:Hold on, I'm the most important person in this process, Dan. So don't don't pretend like that's not gonna happen.
SPEAKER_01:You want people to be pissed off at you and to be like, oh, look at look at what him, the director, did, as opposed to think about what these characters exactly. Wow, that's exactly what I think I think when you march in there and you explain to everybody, well, it's not what's on the screen, it's about what everybody thinks about me. How they feel about me.
SPEAKER_02:I am the person, and everyone should know that. See, now you're getting it then. Now you're getting now you're on board. I can tell you're on board now. That's that's one way to write and produce a movie. Well, I'm not gonna produce it, you know. I don't have any money. So I can't produce it, but it's gonna be good.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:We're gonna have some fun.
SPEAKER_01:Somebody's gonna have some fun. All the critics. Zero stars. Zero stars.
SPEAKER_02:No critics will no critics will see this movie. It'll be like it'll be those movies that Rotten Tomatoes have like under five critic scores, and they're all fake.
SPEAKER_01:Uh, I can tell you this. How many people saw that terrible Winnie the Pooh movie? How many critics saw that Winnie the Pooh movie? Go look that go look on Rotten Tomatoes and see how many people have rated I bet you there's I bet you there's more critics that have rated the Winnie Pooh movie than people that saw the movie have rated the movie. That's my prediction. Blood and honey. There will be 100 more than a hundred critics that will have rated that movie.
SPEAKER_02:And look how good it did. Alright. Um 84 critics and 100 plus audience score. So, you know, there's still more audience, but not by a lot of a thousand people the audience. Nah, I would assume not even close. Yeah, that's interesting.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, well, if you wanna if you wanna fight it, if you wanna they made a ton of money.
SPEAKER_02:So listen, if if I make my money by people being like, you gotta see this piece of shit.
SPEAKER_01:Well, if you're trying to be exploitive. Exploitative, you're trying to be exploitative.
SPEAKER_02:In the beginning, and then it becomes like a really wholesome kid story, and then it all comes back together in the end. It's you know, it's a mishmash of ideas. It's beautiful. You're gonna love it.
SPEAKER_01:Let's talk about the Truman Show again for one second.
unknown:Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_01:What is the Truman Show? It's not a satire, it's not a thriller, it's not suspense, it's not a comedy, it's not a this, it's not a drama. So you're gonna make a horror movie there, like, well, it was a horror movie, and then it became like a become like a Hallmark movie, and then it tried to still be able to do that. This was all okay.
SPEAKER_02:So so it starts exploitative, then becomes kind of like a monster squad type of horror movie.
SPEAKER_01:You know, so it's like horrendous and then gets a little yeah, you're gonna murder Rudolph and then try and make a movie the same in a kid's movie, one of the most beloved kids' movies of all time. Exactly. That's exactly okay. Then let's let's let's transport little little Tony back back to the video store. Oh, I'm nine years old and I gotta pick out anyone.
SPEAKER_02:I would find it funny. I do I think I'd find it funny because he lives, and that's important. But you see, he doesn't live.
SPEAKER_01:If he he comes back to life, that's not living. That's coming back to life. That is not living.
SPEAKER_02:He lives once more. No, but that's not living.
SPEAKER_01:That is not living. Once more, governor. No, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:That's what they'll say in the movie.
SPEAKER_01:If he tore Rudolph up and like ate one of his legs, I'm fine with it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and then he dies. And then he comes back to life.
unknown:God.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, well, you you can be one of the most hated director on the planet. That's fine with me.
SPEAKER_02:I would love hey, no press is bad press, right? That's what they say. I don't think I don't think that's true, by the way. And you know, I think that's a false.
SPEAKER_01:You know where I saw Tommy Wissau? He was selling his terrible clothes and underwear at WonderCon.
SPEAKER_02:If you think that I can get a clothesline out of this deal, I am in, dude. That sounds great. I'll go to every every convention ever. I'll be like those guys that had the one-hit wonders that go to conventions for the rest of their life and they make just enough money to survive. That sounds great. Just enough money to survive. Let's do it, guys. Let's do it, fam.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, now we uh talk about something we like this uh week. Right. We just watched this uh documentary murder in Monaco. It was great. It was super fun. Super fun.
SPEAKER_02:That doesn't sound fun, Dan. That sounds very serious. I don't know. But hey, good for you.
SPEAKER_01:I don't ever care when anybody could kill anybody. I don't care. I mean, I don't want people killing like like a kid with Down syndrome or some kittens. I don't want that happening.
SPEAKER_02:I don't want to So you don't want me to kill Tiny Tim, is what you said.
SPEAKER_01:No, I want you to kill Tiny Tim.
SPEAKER_02:He Tim All right, I think I might.
SPEAKER_01:He's gotta go down. This kid's going down. Tony, tell us about something that doesn't involve the murder of a uh a beloved fictitious animal.
SPEAKER_02:I can do that. We watched The Family Plan 2 last night with my mom. Uh that's Mark Wahlberg. He like he's a spy in this family, and they're just like cutesy, fun little action for movies for the whole family. Is it a good movie? No, it's not, but it's cute, you know, like it's cute and silly, and uh everybody, everybody had a good time.
SPEAKER_01:That's what we're doing next week. The family plan two.
SPEAKER_02:You would have a field day with this movie. It's very silly. I would very, very silly.
SPEAKER_01:But it was fun, you know. Okay, Tony. Wait, I shouldn't have gone first. I should have gone second. No, because it's my turn to pick. Yeah, that means you go first on the you go first on the thing, and then I talk about what I liked, and then we go back to it. You messed it up. Don't come at me. You you did it wrong.
SPEAKER_02:You're the boss. You've got the whole structure, and you blew it. You blew it. You're very blurry, Tony. Am I blurry? Yeah, it's great. What if I get closer? Still better for everybody.
SPEAKER_01:All right. That sounds like a lot of things. Tony, tell us about a movie we could do next week that's not about animals being beaten to death with uh with uh tyre eyes.
SPEAKER_02:I think that's what it's about. I you know, I haven't really watched the trailer except for when it like first first was announced, and we were like, well, I guess we're gonna do this movie. But we're gonna, you know, we're putting this year in full circle here, and we're gonna, of course, do Honey Don't for the uh for our December showcase, you know? A Chris Evans movie, no less. Oh, is he in it? Oh, yeah, he said it. I I I'm telling you, I don't remember a single thing from this trailer for some reason, other than, you know, we we've done the other one, so we gotta do this one. He plays like a preacher, preacher person. Ah, preacher man was a son of a preacher man.
SPEAKER_01:Honey don't. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Honey don't. There it is. We'll be doing that one next week. Maybe uh maybe Tony. I think we might be closing out the year with 2025 in review, as they say.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we can do a 2025 in review if we wanted. If we want. We can do like a 20-minute review of Honey Don't and then uh talk about all the great movies last year. Talk about all the other better stuff we did. Yeah, that sounds about right. Very good. Well, I guess that's it. You go back, uh Tony's in Minnesota with his family for Christmas.
unknown:Go home.
SPEAKER_01:Happy holidays, everyone.
SPEAKER_02:Go have some Christmas stuff. Done and done. Christmas stuff. Okay. We're making Christmas cookies today. Oh, do you decorate that? Today's baking day. Uh, minimally, I just put chocolate on top mostly. Just, you know, chocolate on chocolate. It's delicious. You're gonna love it. The old chocolate on chocolate cookies. Nothing better than that. Nothing better.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, Doki. I will uh see you later and uh have a have a very Merry Christmas. And you as well.
SPEAKER_02:Happy holidays, everybody.
SPEAKER_01:Come on, everyone.