Hate Watching A Very Jonas Christmas Movie: Holiday Hype or Hollow Cheer

A leather jacket Santa, a melted plane, and a train to the wrong city—on paper it sounds wild. We hit play on the Jonas Brothers holiday special expecting cozy carols and earned nostalgia, and got a glossy tour of Europe where money and magic wipe away every consequence. The result is a Christmas road movie with no real road and no reason to hurry home, propped up by a handful of good jokes and one romance beat that almost redeems the trip.

We unpack why the core premise falls flat: when passports vanish but a new jet appears in minutes, tension dies. Santa as a snarky saboteur doesn’t mentor or challenge the brothers; he detonates obstacles instead of nudging growth. That choice undercuts the holiday grammar that makes films like Home Alone and Elf endure—clear rules, genuine stakes, and heart over spectacle. We talk lip sync problems, songs that feel stapled on, and a Home Alone musical gag that somehow works despite a convoluted setup. Then we trace the character arcs that should have mattered: Kevin’s desire for a real vocal moment, Nick’s control streak, Joe’s playboy reputation versus a surprisingly sweet connection with Lucy.

It’s not all coal. We call out the lines that hit, the chemistry that clicks, and the cleaner version hiding in plain sight: fewer explosions, more constraints, and music that actually drives character and story. A better structure would give each brother a problem to own and solve, with Santa as a wry guide rather than a wrecking ball. Along the way we detour into Rotten Tomatoes whiplash, holiday ranking sanity checks, and a couple quick recs—yes, Knives Out fans, we see you.

If you’ve watched the special, hit play and argue with us; if you haven’t, we’ll help you decide if the cozy vibes outweigh the plot holes. Subscribe, drop a review, and tell us: did you laugh, cringe, or secretly love it anyway?

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Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech

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Chapters

• 0:00 Cold Open And Show Setup
• 1:00 Picking The Jonas Christmas Movie
• 5:10 Expectations Vs Reality For A Holiday Film
• 9:30 Wealth Porn And Stakes That Don’t Matter
• 14:00 Santa As Agent Of Chaos
• 18:45 Will Ferrell Cameo And Comedy Delivery
• 23:40 Lip Sync Woes And Weak Songs
• 28:20 Amsterdam Detour And Love Story
• 34:15 Home Alone Musical Bit And Broadway Rival
• 39:50 Passport Nonsense And Magic Plot Holes
• 44:30 Crashing Private Jets And Candle Gags
• 49:20 Woods, Wolves, And Forced Brotherly Bond
• 53:40 Convenient Ending And Oasis Button
• 57:30 What We Liked This Week
• 1:01:20 Rotten Tomatoes Rant And Holiday Rankings
• 1:06:00 Next Week’s Pick And Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_04: 0:00

Oh my god, I can't see my own face.

SPEAKER_02: 0:02

I can't do this without seeing there's my You got you gotta see your mug. You gotta see it. See wait, wait, wait. You know what would make it better is if you were touching the screen and loving on the screen. There you go. That's thank you.

SPEAKER_04: 0:24

I got I that's one thing positive I could say about this movie. At no point does someone touch the screen as if like they're touching the bigger.

SPEAKER_02: 0:30

Nobody ever touches a picture sexually. So that's great. Good job, Jonas Brothers. In a world of traps, that is not one they fell into. So, you know, why small victories, you know? We'll take them.

SPEAKER_03: 0:58

Welcome to anyone with Dan and Tony. I am Dan! And I am Tony!

SPEAKER_04: 1:03

On this show, Tony makes us watch a stupid movie, and uh then I get the that's that's the whole point of the show.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10

Don't say it as if that's not the point of the show. I did a good job this week. You did a good job this week.

SPEAKER_04: 1:17

You know how you you know how you did a good job, Tony? How? Because you picked a movie that was one hour and 17 minutes long, which is by far our shortest movie we've ever done.

SPEAKER_02: 1:26

It's the shortest movie we've done. When I pulled this up and it was like 80 minutes, I was so happy last night. Thank goodness. This is what they should all be. 80 to 90 tops. 90 should be the long side. Yes, yes, yes, yes. What a treat. Yeah. Um great stuff. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 1:43

Tony, why don't you why don't you uh inform the the listeners or viewers? All right, yeah. Listen up, everybody.

SPEAKER_02: 1:51

Here's here's what happened. Tis the season to be jolly, right? It's the holiday season. I wanted to do a Christmas movie, and uh this Christmas movie's just been getting a lot of love lately for some reason, and uh I'm sure we'll talk about why and who. Um, but I I was like, it can't be good, it can't be as good as Rotten Tomatoes is saying it. And this is a prime example of why Rotten Tomatoes should not exist, because this is bonkers. Um, but this movie is a very Jonas Christmas movie, um, starring the Jonas Brothers. It doesn't have the word brothers in the title, which is weird, right? I feel like I've said it every other time, like the a very Jonas Brothers Christmas movie, but it doesn't flow that way. That's too many syllables.

SPEAKER_04: 2:39

Yeah. Um when you said to me, we're gonna do a Jonas Brothers Christmas movie, I was like, okay, Christmas movie. That's great. There'll be Christmas songs, and it will it will feel like Christmas, and you know, whatever. I I I know there's all those holiday Hallmark movies, right? The Hallmark movies where the where the woman owns a Christmas tree store, and then the guy owns like a Christmas tree burning store, and then somehow they find love.

SPEAKER_02: 3:09

Okay, first of all, you need to write that Hallmark movie because a Christmas tree burning store. I don't know how you justify it, but I love it. This is a great premise.

SPEAKER_04: 3:23

You know, that's uh so somehow they they find love in the in their diversity of your beauty.

SPEAKER_02: 3:29

I'm gonna take four of your trees today, I'm gonna burn them. All right, thank you very much. What's happening here?

SPEAKER_03: 3:36

Oh but pay for the Emanese are screaming, I'll let pay for your trees. I can I can go to the forest and find my own trees to burn.

SPEAKER_02: 3:45

Um wild. This is a wild I love it.

SPEAKER_04: 3:48

You know, I uh my buddy Todd, I think this was for his birthday, or maybe it was for his wife's birthday. They went to a place where you smash stuff up.

SPEAKER_02: 3:58

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard of those. So maybe it's something like that. Something like that. We just take trees and we burn them.

SPEAKER_04: 4:04

Yeah, it feels good. You take the joy in okay, so I was like, okay, it's gonna be one of those. We're gonna, you know, they're we're gonna drink, we're gonna drink mold wine, and we're gonna we're gonna have like food, women cooking the men food, you know, they're gonna have something to do.

SPEAKER_02: 4:28

Women cooking the men food. This is a great Christmas movie. I love it. I got it all worked out.

SPEAKER_04: 4:36

It's all worked all up in here. Oh you got it. You're just what I figured this movie would be. And they we we'd bust that they probably like made made a whole album of standards and you know, dug up some good ones.

SPEAKER_02: 4:48

Now that would have been a nice idea, you know what I mean? Like, if you would have had some really nice Christmas holiday songs and just built a movie around those, right? That's a 10 out of 10. I would watch that movie.

SPEAKER_04: 5:02

That's that was the movie. I mean, it's I didn't see any trailer anything, but that's the movie that you're probably.

SPEAKER_02: 5:07

You should have watched the trailer. You should have watched the trailer, you would have known exactly what was happening.

SPEAKER_04: 5:12

But instead, what we have is we have the Jonas brothers uh living large in Europe, in multiple European cities, um a few a few good comedic bits, uh some angst amongst the three. Um some, not a lot. A leather clad clad Santa Claus. Oh no, we're gonna have to talk about somebody whether or not they are a comedian. I don't know. It's a question.

SPEAKER_05: 5:42

Great.

SPEAKER_04: 5:43

Um and then and then we finally get home, and and and that's that's the end.

SPEAKER_02: 5:51

It is the end, but here's my problem with that is this movie's not about them getting home. They say it's about them getting home, but that's not the point of the movie. No, I'm so confused by the whole thing. The synopsis of the film. Hold on, let me see if I can find the synopsis of this film. Um, in a very Jonas Christmas movie, Kevin Joe and Nick Jonas face a series of escalating obstacles, nope, as they struggle to make it from London to New York in time to spend Christmas with their families. Not what this movie's about. This this sort of happens, but it's not what it's about.

SPEAKER_04: 6:26

This is the the three Jonas brothers trying to get their home, trying to get home and get away from each other, but instead Santa Claus chooses to sabotage them at every turn so that they can eventually learn to like each other again. As if that was a problem. I mean, at no point does anyone eat get annoyed at each other. You know, they may they they don't even really snip at each other. They're like, I'm making a joke at your expense. That's it. That's that's the extent of their their conflict.

SPEAKER_02: 6:58

That's that's about as bad as it gets. Nope. That's not that's not good.

SPEAKER_04: 7:03

And I mean, you know, the key to a and this is a Jonas Brothers movie. It's not this is not a real movie or whatever, but you do have to have them have to do something that isn't that isn't either caused or resolved by Santa Claus.

SPEAKER_02: 7:19

Right, doing crazy magic, nonsensical Santa magic. Destructive magic incredibly destructive magic. He blows multiple things up. That's that's nuts.

SPEAKER_04: 7:34

That's not sorry, person that owns a$60 million airplane, but it's destroyed.

SPEAKER_02: 7:40

Not anymore. Exploded it. Yeah, and he doesn't care at all, by the way. No, that's his private jet. I would be very upset. I've saved a lot. Who's whose private jet was it that they blew up right there? KJ Elba, right? Is that his name? I made that part up. I don't know who you're talking about. The topless guy. He's from Riverdale. He played um Archie on Riverdale. That's true. They've they blew up two planes because that plane, Archie's plane, also blows up in the woods, which is very unsafe, by the way.

SPEAKER_04: 8:14

Yeah. I don't know, man. Santa Claus has you know, he's he's willing to go to extreme dimensions for for making the Jonas brothers try to try to be happy.

SPEAKER_02: 8:27

Which they they're doing fine. At the beginning of the movie. Yeah, sure. They're like, uh, you know, we're touring a lot and we're kind of sick of each other. Yeah, that happens. That happens. Um, I'm gonna need something more than that. I'm gonna need you to like break up.

SPEAKER_04: 8:42

I only see uh talk to Tony two hours a week, and that's that's enough. That's more than that. That is plenty of time, okay, everybody. Talk to my wife for probably three hours about how much I had to put up with. Each week.

SPEAKER_02: 8:58

You talk about it more than we actually spend. Wow. That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_04: 9:04

Um and and you know, and we're not making any now. Was a little bit of this movie did it feel like wealth porn? I'm you're gonna have to explain the the term wealth porn to me. Well, they just show like such a such a way of living, and you know, it's like let's let's look at my house and let's look at you know there there's no problem that money can't essentially solve in the Tony.

SPEAKER_02: 9:35

They just keep buying new trips home. Like they just a plane explodes, they're like, let's get on a train. Our passports are gone, no big deal. No one ever talks about that. Their passports disappeared, and they didn't care. Nobody cared. I would be freaking out.

SPEAKER_04: 9:49

They just go and find a private plane that will fly them back to the United States.

SPEAKER_02: 9:55

What are you talking about? Uh so then I guess yes is the answer. Yes, that is what it is. They have a total disregard for anything monetary, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_04: 10:04

And I mean the truth of the matter is, isn't it? If if you were to lose your wallet, think about losing your wallet. I think about it more than I should. We're dealing with all the stupid healthcare stuff, and Shannon, Shannon went online and contacted our health people and was like trying to find out, you know, what was happening. And I I I thought that maybe she'd gone on like a fishing site. I was like freaked out for hours. She got like a like 50 emails from people, uh message phone calls from people trying to like sign her up for things, and I'm just like, oh my god, ah this is I saw the end of our lives. And yeah, these guys live in such such a such a privileged bubble. And I mean, that's not what this movie's about. If it's just that that's what this movie, it's not about anything else. And so we you kind of have to sit in this that they literally, you know, their problems are all like, uh, I have I have responsibility to top.

SPEAKER_02: 11:04

I wrote the set list and you didn't care. Okay. I mean, they did it. It's not like they sang the wrong song, so they at least knew that it what to do. Who cares, dude? I just write the set list. What I worked on it for four hours. That's how much you worked in a week? Four hours, and you're complaining? Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth, Nick Jonas.

SPEAKER_04: 11:30

Now the the one saving grace of this movie is that I now can tell the difference between Nick Jonas, Joe Jonas, and the boring one. Yeah, poor Kevin. Now, one of the prop point plot points of this movie is that Kevin wants to tell his brothers that he wants to sing lead on a song. And he can't. Well, my question is, has he never sung lead on a song in the Jonas Brothers?

SPEAKER_02: 12:01

I guess I assume no, because otherwise that would be a weird joke. I mean, listen, we're not Jonas Brothers fans. This movie, let's just be clear, this movie not made for us, right? Not made for us at all. But I should be able to enjoy it. Um, I my assumption is no, he's never sung lead in a song. That's my assumption. Just based on the movie.

SPEAKER_04: 12:21

Wow. Now one of them was married. Now, now, was that their real wives in the movie?

SPEAKER_02: 12:26

Yes. Yes. Tony has something to say about the wives. Oh, we got some tea right now. No, so Joe, the one who has the love story in the movie, he was married to Sansa Stark. Yeah. And they got divorced, and they have like, I think, two kids together and all that, not in the movie.

SPEAKER_04: 12:45

It's just a movie about him like you can't put that him being. But he's not gonna spend Christmas with his kids? Him being, oh, that's true. He's just been a hound.

SPEAKER_02: 12:53

They all are like, we gotta get home, and he's like, I'm gonna bring my new girlfriend. Fuck my kids. I don't need them, Chris. I was just a little weird. It's just a little weird. I don't know. Maybe just don't give him a love story. Uh it's just it was weird for me the whole time.

SPEAKER_04: 13:10

Kids are watching. He's like, oh, that's that's there's your cousins. There's your other cousins.

SPEAKER_02: 13:15

That's your that's your uh That's my whole family. Why am I not in the movie? What's going on? Never mentions him. The other two guys are like, we gotta go home to our wife and kids, and he's like, Nah, I'm good. I think he I don't need to go anywhere.

SPEAKER_04: 13:31

I think he was gonna go see mom. I think that was the implication. I think they said at one point, mom. Now, now, but I mean you know for sure that those were their real wives that were in there, not actually.

SPEAKER_02: 13:43

You know that for sure only because of my wife knows that that is the correct now.

SPEAKER_04: 13:50

She likes the Jonas brothers?

SPEAKER_02: 13:52

No, no, no, but she loves tea. So she was just like googling everything and she's like, Yep, nope, this is the right person. Yeah. Okay, let's talk about the movie. Let's talk about it. Let's do this thing.

SPEAKER_04: 14:06

So we start in London. We start with Will Farrell playing Will Farrell, which is it's not funny.

SPEAKER_02: 14:14

No, it's not funny. Um, but he also looks really old. And it's not that's not a bad thing. It just makes me think about how old I am. And so, like, the first 10 minutes of this movie, I was like, I'm gonna die soon. That's all I'm thinking about, is that death is right around the corner. I know it's bad. Um, but also like, do you think he's a fan? Like, I love that he's just in it doing his thing. I think he'll get that's I think he is. I hope so. I love that.

SPEAKER_04: 14:43

I think he lent his because that's his real wife and his real kids. A hundred percent. Yeah, that's his and you know, unless they love him, the wife and the kids, I I don't see any of that happening.

SPEAKER_02: 14:55

Yeah, I agree. I agree, and that's fun. I like that a lot. Now, if it's based on the music in this movie, I don't get it. But, you know, good for you. Each their own.

SPEAKER_04: 15:06

Have you heard I I I I don't know their ow, you know. I don't I don't know the Jonas Brothers.

SPEAKER_02: 15:12

No, it's the Oov.

SPEAKER_04: 15:14

No, you're not going in there. Stop it.

SPEAKER_02: 15:16

The only Jonas Brothers song that I have ever heard that I know of is their cover of Busted's year 3000, which a lot of people thought was a Jonas Brothers song, but it was actually a UK band called Busted, and I was very mad about that when this all happened, so I listened to their version just to see how bad it was, and it's far inferior, right? So that's the only reference I have of Jonas Brother music.

SPEAKER_04: 15:43

You just said a lot of words. So what you're saying is you listened to the busted people doing a Jonas Brothers song? No, the other way around. See that okay.

SPEAKER_02: 15:51

I love it. The busted people did a Jonas Brothers song and you enjoyed it. No, no, did are you doing this to mess with me? You're trying to upset me. No busted did a song back in the early 2000s called the year 3000. Great song. The Jonas Brothers covered that song, and everyone was like, This is a great song. The Jonas Brothers are geniuses. And I was like, they are not. They that's a different person song, and they're just doing it. And it was a whole thing. So it's so that's my only reference.

SPEAKER_04: 16:20

It's a whole Natalie and Bruglia situation.

SPEAKER_02: 16:24

What does she do?

SPEAKER_04: 16:25

She likes saying this other song, and it became very popular, and it was somebody else's song. Wasn't someone else? Yeah, I don't like that. I don't know why, I don't like it. So he's very excited, uh, and he he watches them play a song, and it ends pretty quick.

SPEAKER_02: 16:42

Yeah. And then you get like the one joke afterwards where one of the brothers is like, Well Farrow was there again. Yeah, that was and all that was just for that one joke, maybe? I don't know. Some of the little Qokes are good. They clearly had someone that can that can write a joke. Yeah. Um, they can't deliver a joke to save their lives. Okay. A couple ones. Uh no, let's not give them too much credit.

SPEAKER_04: 17:09

Well, I okay, okay. Let's let's we're gonna we're gonna do the pantheon of of Jonas's. Jonas Brothers? Okay, yeah, yeah. Joe's the top. Because Joe's Joe's kind of charismatic. He can kind of act. Oh, I don't like Joe. The love the well, I mean, uh the love story worked for me. I I got a little bit of feels at the end. I was like, I got fine. Oh geez, you're such a sap. I am a sap.

SPEAKER_02: 17:34

Uh then there's what about his wife and kids, his ex-wife and kids. They're not even mentioned. Then there's Nick.

SPEAKER_04: 17:41

Nick's yeah, Nick's like, you know, he wants he wants to think he's he's okay, good. You know, he he's the one who probably wouldn't want it.

SPEAKER_02: 17:50

He I think he wants it desperately. And I think he thinks he's good. I think he's like, because he's got a swagger in this movie that I don't think is earned whatsoever. But he's he walks and talks like he's the shit. And I was like, this guy, I don't think I like him very much.

SPEAKER_04: 18:10

And then Kevin is just like he is he is like white toe, white, white, white.

SPEAKER_02: 18:14

He's just Kevin.

SPEAKER_04: 18:15

Yeah, he's just like Kevin. I'm playing guitar, my name is Kevin. Okay, Kevin.

SPEAKER_02: 18:22

You know, it's like all right, Kev. Thanks, Kev.

SPEAKER_04: 18:25

See you later. He really plays the stereotype that he's in this, which is like he's the background guy that no one cares about.

SPEAKER_02: 18:33

Which is interesting because when they do the stalker joke, he has the most stalkers. Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04: 18:39

That's just but that there's a good joke. That that's actually a good joke.

SPEAKER_02: 18:42

The joke is great. The joke is great. Um, I don't know, it's just interesting. It's I wish that um they were all better because as a as a general idea, I get it and I like it, right? Playing, you know, extreme versions of yourselves or you know, like really narrowing in on like one fast, like that's what you should do, and you should parody yourselves. And I think that's what they're trying to do, but I just didn't feel like it went hard enough on that to be funny. No, yeah, no. And I think that it could have been funny because it in a movie like that, you don't have to be a great actor, right? You just have to be game, you just have to have fun poking fun at yourself and all enjoy it. And I I just never thought that they got there.

SPEAKER_04: 19:27

Well, the the movie is predicated on them sort of going on their adventures and then interacting with people, and most of the people they interact with is on the phone.

SPEAKER_02: 19:37

That is true. Yeah. Except for the love story, which is why you fell for it so hard.

SPEAKER_04: 19:42

Yeah, the love story was real, she was there, and she's great.

SPEAKER_02: 19:46

Um she is, yeah. Let's obviously, yeah, she's great. She's you know, a real actor.

SPEAKER_04: 19:52

Yeah, she's a real she's a real you got a real actor in there. They do acting, and the it and it makes a lot easier for a Jonas brother to stand there with someone doing real acting and and you know he's he's had a broken up relationship, so he, you know, clearly he is available. He is available, you know. So he he he has some raw emotions simmering around in there that he can he even a untrained actor like him can probably tap into a little bit.

SPEAKER_01: 20:22

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 20:23

So we go backstage, into the tour party. Uh one of them loves memes. We've got what's his name? Russell Park? Is that his name?

SPEAKER_02: 20:34

Yeah, something Park.

SPEAKER_04: 20:36

Yeah, so he's sort of their guy. I don't know, Brad. He's he's there and then he's gone. Randall. It's Randall Park.

SPEAKER_02: 20:46

I had to look it up, I'm gonna be honest. I'm sorry, everybody.

SPEAKER_04: 20:48

Okay, so Nick, the bald guy, we got his his premise is I have to do all the work and these two guys freeload off of me. He's not bald, he's got a short haircut. He's bald. Um we have Kevin. Oh, and we do the Kevin, they make the joke about who has the most stalkers. Kevin has the most stalkers because he's always responding to the people that write him for prison.

SPEAKER_03: 21:13

Good joke.

SPEAKER_02: 21:14

It is a good joke. Very dangerous, by the way. I would not do that. Just if anyone's getting famous, don't do that. All right. And then Joe, Joe's just looking to party. See, now this is my problem with him, because he doesn't feel like he's looking to party to me.

SPEAKER_04: 21:32

No, it's just he immediately sings a song about looking to party.

SPEAKER_02: 21:37

Right, I know, but it's not a good song. One. Uh, but he just doesn't give that vibe to me. He doesn't give the I'm a party boy vibe. He just gives the I'm an idiot. I'm just like a fun-loving idiot, which is fine. But I will, you know, uh it's to tell me he loves to like party, and like, I don't know. I didn't see it. And then he's like uh a womanizer, but he never womanizes anyone.

SPEAKER_04: 22:01

He should have done Britney Spears Womanizer, right? Isn't that what that song is? I don't know. Uh you know way more woman. Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer, womanizer.

SPEAKER_02: 22:12

Is that the whole song? Does she just say womanizer?

SPEAKER_04: 22:15

That might be the one where she dances with the big snake, too. I think it is. Oh.

SPEAKER_02: 22:19

Oh, that's scary. It's a good song. Kind of like snakes.

SPEAKER_04: 22:22

Jesus, Tony. You're like the most cowardly boy that's ever walked in.

SPEAKER_02: 22:28

I am. I'm scared of a lot of stuff because the world is a dangerous place. Oh, I had a fragile.

SPEAKER_04: 22:34

I had my thing where he he and you Oh, yeah, they stabbed you and they sucked all the pus out. Yeah, I I like looked away and then it didn't really hurt because he he did the freezing spray. Freeze spray, freeze spray, freeze spray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stuck it in there and he's like, he's like poking holes in the in the sack because it's a sack that it's filled with fluid.

SPEAKER_02: 22:52

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04: 22:53

And then he he was like, and then he like squeezed it out and it looked like it looked like clear petroleum jelly. Oh my god. That's what was that's what was in my sack.

SPEAKER_02: 23:09

We're gonna have to edit that out of the podcast. Oh my god, that's horrifying, Dan. No way, man.

SPEAKER_04: 23:16

Okay, so then so there we are. Joe's gonna sing a song about the nightlife, and it's it's the best night of your life, and he goes to the club.

SPEAKER_02: 23:26

He doesn't look like he's having the best night of his life, does he?

SPEAKER_04: 23:29

Well, he's he's seeing a lot of them there impersonating like Elton John, and there's weird celebrity stuff, and then the song Ants, and you're like, what does this have to do with Christmas?

SPEAKER_02: 23:42

Nothing. It doesn't have to do with Christmas or the movie. It's got neither of those things. Um, this is a great opportunity to talk about the lip sync syncing in this movie. Oh, probably the worst I've ever seen in my life. Oh. Are you did you ever believe anyone was singing in this movie at all? It's a movie.

SPEAKER_04: 24:03

Most of their lines aren't they aren't doing them. They're all ADR'd in there, as far as I understand.

SPEAKER_02: 24:09

That doesn't make it better. Just because it's on par with the rest of the filth doesn't make it any better. There's no nobody is, I I guarantee you, no one is singing on set. There's no, because if you watch their vocal chords and you watch how much they open their mouth. They're just kind of no what they're doing. They're like saying the words. Like instead of like singing, they're just like and that's not right. Because it's there are points where he's like belting in this song, and he does not have any sort of muscles happen like it's terrible. It doesn't look like they're singing, and that drives me crazy because that's the one thing that they're supposed to be good at. Maybe they're singing.

SPEAKER_04: 24:52

Maybe they're all on vocal rest.

SPEAKER_02: 24:55

Little VR, little VR for the day. Sorry, everybody.

SPEAKER_04: 24:59

I gotta say I didn't notice because I mean there's not really, you know, the songs are like blah blah blah blah blah blah. Well, they're bad.

SPEAKER_02: 25:07

There's only one song that I enjoyed in this whole movie.

SPEAKER_04: 25:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 25:12

Do you agree? Do you also have one song?

SPEAKER_04: 25:14

Uh, this one was I didn't mind the night out one. I mean, it wasn't good.

SPEAKER_02: 25:17

It was bad. It was really bad, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 25:19

But it was kind of like I mean, it wasn't good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 25:22

No, it wasn't good. And they're the Jonas brothers, and I think they're supposed to be good.

SPEAKER_04: 25:28

Okay, they all go their separate ways. And Nick goes to his room, he calls his family, he's worried, and his wife is worried because he ran out of the eye uh moisturizer that she got him, and you're just like, this you are spending lines about him running out of eye moisturizer. Uh, you know, no, no, and then like I gotta get home because I promised I'm gonna teach my daughter how to ski. Yeah. Wow, wow. Yeah, you know, I I gotta get home because I have to bring you a bag of diamonds and and and privilege.

SPEAKER_02: 26:11

I wish he would bring me some privilege.

SPEAKER_04: 26:14

All right. Uh, and then the one though, you know, and then he, of course, sort of ends this by intimating that his brothers suck because they're lazy. You're just like, yeah, they're late. I uh whatever you want to say about the Jonas brothers, anybody that does like year-long concert tours, not lazy people.

SPEAKER_02: 26:31

Not lazy. Nope, that's a lot of work, guys. That is a ton of work.

SPEAKER_04: 26:36

They may have people that deliver food right to their, you know, right in front of their faces. They may have people that handle everything. So do I it's called Grubhub. I do it almost every day.

SPEAKER_02: 26:45

Okay. But I am lazy, so that's actually a bad example. So never mind.

SPEAKER_04: 26:49

Yeah. Uh Kevin uh calls his wife, and they talk about ornaments and and having bespoke clothes made for the ornaments or something.

SPEAKER_02: 27:02

Yeah, yep.

unknown: 27:04

Yep.

SPEAKER_02: 27:05

And I don't get it. Don't understand it.

SPEAKER_04: 27:08

And Joe just goes down to the bar because that's what you do when you're a Jonas brother.

SPEAKER_02: 27:13

Well, he's a party person. He's a party person. And talk about Leather Santa that he parties with, Tony. Jess what's this guy's name? Jesse Ferguson.

SPEAKER_04: 27:23

Jesse Tyler Ferguson from Modern Family.

SPEAKER_02: 27:27

Is he bad at acting?

SPEAKER_04: 27:32

You'd have to assume that from this movie.

SPEAKER_02: 27:35

Well, I because I rem I also don't like Modern Family, so that's not a good start. Has anybody gone on from Modern Family to do anything? Um, one of the daughters was the host of Love Island for a couple of years. So yes, Dan.

SPEAKER_04: 27:52

Has any of them I mean, you know, Ed Ed O'Neill, great. Ed O'Neal. Of course. Of course. Whatever. He's Ed O'Neal. He's actually, I think, better as a dramatic. I think he's a great dramatic actor, personally. Sure. Um, because I think he was in some cop show that he was freaking great in. And then Dragnet Sophia Vegara just goes off in Sevilla Vegara's, you know, whatever she does.

SPEAKER_02: 28:16

What what else do you need to do at that point? You know what I mean? You're doing all right.

SPEAKER_04: 28:20

I don't know about any of the rest of them if they ever went on to anything.

SPEAKER_02: 28:24

Well, the mom got to do Happy Gilmore 2 for a little bit, so doing great.

SPEAKER_04: 28:31

I will say I watched an episode of Modern Family in like one of the last couple of seasons. And it was kind of like this movie. It was it was privilege porn where they were just like, Yes, a lot of people, yeah. They were like, Oh my god, I I need to be able to use this this uh gym for free, and it's outrageous that I have to pay one dollar parking and pay I have to pay the valet to park my car. Oh my god. It was the whole show was like that. It was so weird. Well, they are they're very rich.

SPEAKER_00: 29:06

Oh I got they're very rich.

SPEAKER_02: 29:07

I don't know. Um I guess that's a modern family. I don't know. I don't like the show. I don't enjoy the show. I don't like it. And I also don't remember liking him in the show very much. I remember yeah, his his husband, Cam, I think is great in the show. But I always thought that he was a stick in the mud a little bit. And then this movie, which is the only other thing I've seen him in, just kind of solidifies my feelings, where I'm just like, huh, you're not very good. Sorry. Um well, because he can't do anything, right?

SPEAKER_04: 29:41

Like he can't do anything. Yeah, can't use his hand, his face does not move, limbs can't can't look from side to side. Yeah, they just it's like they they handle lector, roll him around from C to C.

SPEAKER_02: 29:53

What do you say if he can't? That would be sweet. First of all, that would be a cool Santa if he's like locked up, dangerous Santa. I'm in. I get you. Um, I just like like not be himself. He can't do any sort of level of character whatsoever. Um it's uninteresting, it's boring, and it's weird. That's how I feel about this Santa Claus. And then he's like, he's kind of mean for some reason, like he's a bitchy Santa, which is weird, kind of vengeful a little bit. Like, I don't understand what I don't know what they're doing with Santa Claus. And also apparently doesn't have elves or a Mrs. Claus. Oh, really? Just gathering from the things he says. Because when they're in the truck later, now I'm jumping ahead a little bit, he's talking to one of the brothers, Nick, and he's like, Yeah, well, I don't have anybody. I'm alone all the time. I'm uh, you know, I'm on the road all year. I'm like, no, you're not. You're on the road one day a year. That's what Santa does. The rest of the time you're back at the North Pole making toys with the elves. What are you talking about? So this Santa has no Santa rules that make it Santa at all. This is just like an evil wizard pretending to be Santa. That's what this movie is.

SPEAKER_04: 31:08

I buy it.

SPEAKER_01: 31:08

So weird.

SPEAKER_04: 31:09

I buy it. Uh Joe's in the dubs. He says the brother magic is dead, and so Santa invokes the Christmas spirits to re- and they must rekindle their sibling bond or die or nothing or something.

SPEAKER_02: 31:24

Yeah, or nothing. Absolutely nothing. So, this is what I wanted. I I wanted it to be more like a Christmas carol type of thing. Or no sure. No, no. It's a it's a beautiful life. Is that the one where he kind of sees the future? There's a wonderful life, yeah. That's the one. Oh, what it's a wonderful life, I think. Where like we see a future where the Jonas brothers break up and you know it's chaos, like bad things have happened. So we need the Jonas brothers to come back together. It should be more like that sort of thing, not like this weird, well, you guys should be happy because you're brothers. That's the movie.

SPEAKER_04: 32:01

That's not a movie. Well, and there's there's also no RLs. You gotta do this or you won't get home for Christmas. And it's like, well, I mean, uh, did you never watch the Hawkeye series on uh I did not, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_02: 32:14

No.

SPEAKER_04: 32:14

That's all about hot guys in New York City, and then he he wants to go home, but he things keep cropping up.

SPEAKER_02: 32:21

Santa magic?

SPEAKER_04: 32:23

No, real things, real things that he has to, and you know, every time he calls home, you can tell this is a character that wants to get, you know, he does not want to be here. Sure. And at no point do you think, oh yeah, they don't want to be in Amsterdam, they want to be home. No, they're having a great time.

SPEAKER_02: 32:41

They're always having fun.

SPEAKER_04: 32:42

They're fine.

SPEAKER_02: 32:43

Yeah. Yeah, so we you're right. The or else needs to be there. There needs to be a reason that they need to get together. But also, then don't tell me the movies about them getting home to their families, which is not important to anyone, really. It's so weird.

SPEAKER_04: 32:58

Maybe like the children need a blood transfusion, and if you don't get home in time, might be down some kids.

SPEAKER_02: 33:06

Or you your dad is giving you the Porsche that you've worked on for many years, so you have to get home by Christmas dinner. He's got a movie with JTT called uh I'll be home for Christmas. Great movie.

SPEAKER_04: 33:24

About this movie, this movie is harmless. It's just like 100%. It's so harmless. We're just making it. And also, if you enjoy it, I'm not mad at you.

SPEAKER_02: 33:34

Like, it's fine. It's a silly, stupid little movie.

SPEAKER_04: 33:36

I hate this movie. I will not, I will, I mean, actually, there's a couple of lines in this movie I will think about for a long time because there are a couple of things I totally loved. Um, I can't wait to hear. Um, but yeah, this is this is this is a TV movie that they made. You just you just wish they'd have made it a little you just wish it was a good you just wish it was good.

SPEAKER_02: 33:59

Here's the thing that what they've told me is they have tons of money, right? I know that they have tons of money, so just make a good movie. It doesn't have to be a great movie, yeah. Just make a good movie with fun Christmas songs that makes fun of yourself, and then I'm gonna love it.

SPEAKER_04: 34:17

So they've got 48 hours to get home, they argue some more. Uh oh, the plane ex Santa destroys their, you know, it's like a fucking blows up, beautiful explodes the plane. Gigantic jet, it melts on the things. They're like, hey, look, our plane's melted. Okay, let's call the travel agent.

SPEAKER_02: 34:33

Here comes Now wouldn't it wouldn't it been, you know, yeah cooler if he just kind of like gave a small malfunction on the plane and they're like, I'm sorry, it's gonna take six hours to fix, so you're gonna miss a connecting flight, you can't make it. Or, you know, why would he explode a plane?

SPEAKER_04: 34:49

Oh, because they they think at this for this thing, they think bigger is funnier. It's not. You know, as opposed to like if the tail was just like brrrr.

SPEAKER_02: 35:00

Great, yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_04: 35:01

They'd be like, uh so they call Cassidy the travel agent who's throwing through a bad breakup. Um Cassidy's terrible.

SPEAKER_02: 35:14

Yeah, I was wonder I I didn't look this up, but I was like, I wonder if she is somebody that I don't know. Somebody. I don't know how she got here.

SPEAKER_04: 35:23

It's pretty interesting. I'll I gotta talk about it later, but I watched the new uh knives out movie. And there's this one woman who's like this middle-aged woman, blonde hair, but she's like a real stand-up comic, and she has like a little part in in in the movie, and she's great, and you're like, yeah, and it's like when you take a good somebody who's good and you give them something real to do, as opposed to a lot of times we'll we'll see the the Megan Statler person, then we see her in something, and she was pretty terrible. Didn't she play like a car driver in one of the movies?

SPEAKER_02: 36:01

Who is that?

SPEAKER_04: 36:02

Uh she's like a comedian, like a young female comedian that's funny.

SPEAKER_02: 36:07

Oh, yeah, yeah, no, we did for sure.

SPEAKER_04: 36:10

She was in something, and I think Please don't destroy. Yeah, she she was okay in that, but she's incredibly funny. Like I think she's in hacks. She's very, very funny in hacks, because hacks is good, and you give if you give these good people good things to do, well, lo and behold, comedy ensues. It's good. Yeah, it's good. What what do you know? That did not happen with Cassidy. Cassidy was terrible.

SPEAKER_01: 36:37

Yeah. Poor kid.

SPEAKER_04: 36:39

But we did get the one, I think Joe told this line. You know, he was the uh spokesperson for Botox. It's a Botox alternative for men.

SPEAKER_01: 36:49

Yeah.

unknown: 36:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 36:50

Pretty funny. Yeah, pretty funny. And they can those lines they can deliver pretty well, I think.

SPEAKER_02: 36:56

Yeah, sure. I mean, it's fine. I'm not I'm not saying they can't, but it's just, you know, they're few and far between, I feel. Am I wrong? I mean, there's a few.

SPEAKER_04: 37:11

There's a few.

SPEAKER_02: 37:13

There's a few.

SPEAKER_04: 37:14

Um, okay. They gotta get to Paris, so Andrea Martin drives them to Paris. She's doing bits, she's Deb, she drives crazy, she avoids a truck, she drives through snow, and they made it there just in time for a song.

SPEAKER_02: 37:27

Why why is she American?

SPEAKER_04: 37:30

She's Canadian, I believe, in real life.

SPEAKER_02: 37:32

Is she Canadian? Why isn't she just English? British? Because that would have been too much. What do you mean too much? They're in the UK. Hey, Governor! It'd be too much. She'd have to be She'd be doing too much.

SPEAKER_00: 37:49

She wouldn't have to be a chimney sweep now. She would Oh, hello, Govna, get on in the car.

SPEAKER_04: 37:55

I think they I think the choice they made was just to have her do her like Andrew Martin shtick, as opposed to having her do her Andrew Martin British shtick.

SPEAKER_02: 38:06

I'm just saying, why hire her at all? Just get an uh UK comedian to do a funny bit in the car. That's all.

SPEAKER_04: 38:16

Oh. I'm sure it had something to do with weird casting. Maybe are they Jonas Brothers? Are they Canadian?

SPEAKER_02: 38:22

No, I don't think they do. I don't know anything about them other than this movie.

SPEAKER_04: 38:26

Okay, so they get there in time to do a song. They actually do a Christmas song Coming Home for Christmas.

SPEAKER_00: 38:31

Coming home for Christmas.

SPEAKER_04: 38:34

They have a dance dancing drum line, they have Kenny G.

SPEAKER_02: 38:38

Except for they don't dance. Yeah, they do. Well, for um three seconds total. Yeah. They have like a bunch. Can they not dance? There's a gin. I'm I don't know the answer. I don't, I don't think that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_04: 38:52

If you have a big this is not like a real I don't think they go out there and bust a move. No, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02: 38:58

They're not like in sync, is what you're telling me. They're not just in Timberlake out there doing stuff. No, no, no. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know anything about them. But I when the dancers started coming, they kept showing clips of the brothers kind of like looking and being like, oh, okay, here we go. And I was like, oh, they're gonna have like a big dance number. And then they stood in front and I was like, here it comes. And they did three moves, and then they spread, and then they left and let the dancers come forward. I was like, wait, what just happened? I'm so sad. Uh I just expect I don't know. I expected more. No, I think they just stand at Mike's and sing, you know.

SPEAKER_04: 39:34

Maybe do maybe do a little, ooh, ooh, ooh. Yeah. They get on the train that's gonna take them to where they're supposed to be, which is Paris, but instead it takes them to Amsterdam, which they don't realize. Is that how trains work? I mean, if Santa magics them, sure. He changed the track somehow. Santa magics the track? Changed the signs. So if he looks up at the sign, it says It says Paris, and then when they look away, it changes back to Amsterdam.

SPEAKER_02: 40:04

Oh, wait, hold on. So you're saying this train was always going to Amsterdam.

SPEAKER_00: 40:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 40:11

Oh, see, I thought he just they got on the right train because that's how trains work. You go to the train, you go to the track that it's on, and then you get on that train. And then I thought he just switched it and was like, well, now it's a different tra. I don't know. I got very confused. At least yours makes sense.

SPEAKER_04: 40:27

If I was gonna do it, that's I I think this movie just was like, it'll say Paris and then it'll say Amsterdam. All right. And we don't care.

SPEAKER_02: 40:35

It's fine. It's fine. It's all fine. I got on the wrong train in New York. Yeah, you already told us that we don't care. It's tough stuff.

SPEAKER_04: 40:43

Oh, I went to the wrong place because I can't do things. I can't do anything. Joe goes to the booze car because it's probably gonna get wasted. And there he meets because he's a party people. Lucy, who has the seats since she was 13, and then they have all this sort of flirtiness, and we realize they both just shut up. They've both been sort of paying attention to each other's lives, and they both like it, and they have an instant connection, and you're like, Man, I don't think anyone in the world could have this kind of magical instant connection and then walk away from it and go, like, I don't think he likes me, or I don't even know if he even knows who I. You know, they they they come together, then they part, and they're both like, I don't know, and it and and the connection was very easy to see, right?

SPEAKER_02: 41:33

It was, yeah, but let's just talk about this for a second. They hadn't seen each other since they were 13. That's 20 years ago, maybe. That sounds right. Because they all said they're in their 30s, I don't know exactly where. So, in that 20 years, they've both been stalking each other's Instagrams. I don't remember anyone from when I was 13 that I don't actually already know today. And I'm definitely not creeping on their Instagram because that's insane behavior.

SPEAKER_04: 42:03

You mean as a as a doctor with a boyfriend and as a Jonas Brothers with a Jonas Brothers career, you're not still thinking about the one that got away?

SPEAKER_02: 42:11

Thinking about my 13-year-old girlfriend? No, Dan, I'm not.

SPEAKER_04: 42:15

It's weird. That kind of plot point is something that someone that's 17-year-old, 17 years old would think about, but no one, no one that's truly an adult would ever no.

SPEAKER_02: 42:26

No, that's weird. It's creepy, bizarre, and weird. But yeah, 17's fine because it's just been a couple of years, you know, I've I've spent my years yearning. That's fine. 30, 20 years later, I'm still no. Nope. That's weird.

SPEAKER_04: 42:40

I'm gonna tell you something else. Someone like a Joe Jonas will have run across hundreds of women that were interesting to him. Yeah. Hundreds.

SPEAKER_02: 42:51

Sure.

SPEAKER_04: 42:51

Because they they just see, you know, this wide array of people constantly, and I'm sure lots of them are intelligent, attractive, successful, whatever, you know, whatever, whatever slot you need, you know, filled. Yeah, they got plenty of. They got they their slots can be filled at any moment. She's a cardiothoracic surgeon, and what are they what are they talking about bonding over? Uh dissecting a fetal pig when they're in when they're in school.

SPEAKER_02: 43:28

What a weird, what a weird conversation this is.

SPEAKER_04: 43:31

I wish, I wish they'd have said fetal pig. They'd just say pig, but it is a fetal pig.

SPEAKER_02: 43:36

Of course it is. It's not a full-size pig, that's for sure. That would be crazy. Uh, yeah, what a weird, what a weird conversation that is.

SPEAKER_04: 43:44

Can you imagine the person who has to run the business that supplies all the fetal pigs to the schools?

SPEAKER_02: 43:51

No. Maybe we should make a Hallmark movie about them. So there's a the Fetal Pig store and and the farmer. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04: 44:05

Oh, so good. The cool thing is, is I have a button to all of this at the end. Oh, great! I can't wait.

unknown: 44:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_04: 44:17

Uh, it's good to see you. Uh he goes back to see his bros, and then he talks, I think he mentions her, and then they all basically say you're a big man slut.

SPEAKER_02: 44:28

Yeah, which is very confusing because he's talking about a girl he had a crush on 20 years ago. How does that relate to him being a slut? You know what I mean? Like, oh, you're such a womanizer. Like, what are you talking about? He just told you that he met a girl that he knew 20 years ago and had a crush on. And it's very irrelevant to this situation. And it's incredibly sweet. Yeah, no, super weird. I it doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_04: 44:53

Okay, Nick then calls talks to Stacy, played by Laverne. What's her name? Um Cox? Cox.

SPEAKER_01: 45:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 45:04

They're putting stuff on her face, and her face just keeps looking weirder. I don't understand what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02: 45:09

I don't know anything about skincare, so I can't. I don't I don't know what's going on. But at one point, she like is talking, and whatever is she putting on her face, it gets in her mouth, and I was like, what is happening? Why is this going on right now?

SPEAKER_04: 45:22

Maybe Nick demanded that all of his scenes have some sort of health care uh you know, something product skincare.

SPEAKER_02: 45:28

Skin care is very important to me, guys. We've got to put it in every scene I'm in.

SPEAKER_04: 45:33

Um, she wants them to extend their tour six months. He doesn't want to do it because he wants to get away from the boys. He is tormented by little miniature versions of them during the scene.

SPEAKER_01: 45:44

I don't, yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04: 45:46

Hey, down here!

SPEAKER_00: 45:47

Nick!

SPEAKER_02: 45:48

Nick! What? What's happening? Why? I I'm just gonna assume that that's some sort of Jonas Brothers callback to their show. That's what I'm gonna assume. Okay. Otherwise, it's the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life.

SPEAKER_04: 46:04

Uh, 39 hours. Uh, they get I guess they get kicked off.

SPEAKER_02: 46:09

How did you like all these uh all these countdowns? Did you love it? Were you a big fan of it?

SPEAKER_04: 46:15

Because it didn't mean anything. You know, the only one that means something is like eight hours, because then you're like, well, if you're not on a package to the United States with eight hours to go, you done.

SPEAKER_02: 46:27

You're done. You beat. You're beat, guys.

SPEAKER_04: 46:30

Um, I guess they realize that they're in Amsterdam, Kevin, and then we've we sort of really established that Kevin is the lame one, Nick is uptight, and Joe is sexy, Mr. Okay. They go, okay, this is this is the part I liked. They go to like there's only one hotel in all of Amsterdam, and it's this terrible hotel, and they're in the they're in the they're in the the attic, and immediately we hear like this man screaming because I live with that every day because we live across the street from a halfway house. So you know I'm on my walking shed, it's like, what's happening out there? I'm like, it's one of the one of the ten people that is going through a psychotic episode every day. Um and then the one is like, lock the door, and he says, The lock is only two pieces of string. That is a that is a joke built for Danny Goodzel. We look over there, there's the string, he ties it, and the string is duct taped to the door in the wall, and so the duct tape falls off.

SPEAKER_02: 47:40

So he just so he opens the door and the knot stays knotted, but it the string just comes off the door. I thought it was very funny. That's so funny. Doesn't make sense in the movie, but it's very funny.

SPEAKER_04: 47:54

And I'm like, okay, now we're gonna start putting the Jonas brothers through something. Wrong. Wrong. You're wrong. Um okay, Nick is still trying to get home, and they find there's this guy, Ethan, who has a jet, who Nick is at war with because the two of them work together on the home alone musical, and so then they're like, oh, but look, he's in Amsterdam, we'll go see him perform. So they go to perform, and then Nick is is so vain and thinks his voice is better than this Ethan guy, and so they do the Home Alone song, which I have to assume they wrote for this.

SPEAKER_02: 48:41

They sure did, because it's not a thing, and also Home Alone, not about the dad. Yeah, it's about it's about the mom and the son. Uh, so I had a little bit of problem. However, I did think the song was funny. I did like it.

SPEAKER_04: 48:56

I mean, if the setup wasn't so convoluted. 100%, yes. You're you were just like, wait, there's a musical, and they keep acting like we should know exactly who this Ethan guy is, and I have no fucking idea who this guy is.

SPEAKER_02: 49:12

Apparently he's uh he's the guy from Dear Evan Hansen uh on Broadway. Like he is apparently a huge Broadway star. That's what I that's what I know. Uh well he's not Matt Platt or whatever, that guy. Not from the movie, from the Broadway show, Dan.

SPEAKER_04: 49:28

But the the guy that did the movie is also the guy from the Broadway show, and his dad financed it.

SPEAKER_02: 49:33

If you haven't ever watched the if you haven't ever watched movie, I have not watched the movie.

SPEAKER_04: 49:37

No, no, don't ever watch the movie. All you want to watch is Jenny Nicholson's takedown of the movie. Okay. Which is literally, it's one of those things I watch it every year, maybe twice a year, because it's so fucking enjoyable. She has that takedown. Wow. And then she has this takedown of the one where the it was like a genius kid and he wants his mom to kill the neighbor after he dies. That one. Wait, what? Oh my god. What? I mean, we take things down, but her takes downs are just like so epic. Oh my god, she just destroys these terrible movies. Um that's what it's called.

SPEAKER_02: 50:20

Oh, so funny. I don't I don't know anything about it.

SPEAKER_04: 50:23

Okay, so they do a song battle, and then because Ethan loses, he's like, I will not take you home.

unknown: 50:32

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 50:34

Okay. Okay. That's fine. Doesn't really matter. Um yeah, they do that funny funny. Uh he pushes it higher and higher until the guy cracks. I don't know, that was funny. I mean, it was pretty clear to see that this guy had a better voice than Nick. So there's that. Did he really have a much better voice than Nick? Way better, way, way better. So he had to act like he likes 100%, which is like, you know, good for him, right? Like, good for you to like play along with that. I love that. All right, so I've looked him up on IMDb. Now we can see what's going on. Yeah. Uh I don't know, he did a bunch of stuff. I don't know. He's just a Broadway. Ton of Broadway. Well, he was in Snow White. Uh oh, he's he's the narrator of Snow White. Interesting. Um Saturday night movie. That was pretty good. I liked that. And then a bunch of Broadway.

SPEAKER_04: 51:31

Oh, like you mean like the Saturday Night Live movie? Where they Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 51:35

Yeah. Oh. You saw that? Yeah, we saw. I liked it. I we're I'm a huge Dylan O'Brien fan. I'll see anything he does. I love that guy. He plays Chevy Chase in that movie, but he's um Maze Runner. Is that right? Oh I don't know. He did one of those like teen adaptations. Oh, um, Lovin' Monsters. Remember that movie? He's that guy.

SPEAKER_04: 52:02

Oh, good, good for him. Okay. Oh, good, good, good. Uh, at this thing, somehow Lucy was at this thing, so Joe runs into her. And uh they talk about her breakup, and then she's like, you know what we should do? We should go out and swim in the canals of Amsterdam in the middle of the night. Is that legal, you think?

SPEAKER_02: 52:30

She said it's a it's a tradition. Well, because what she said is that it's a tradition, uh, a Dutch tradition, and I was like, no one else is doing it. Is it is it really a tradition if no one else is doing it? I'm confused.

SPEAKER_04: 52:43

I mean, they'd probably do it different nights, you know? So you don't, you know Oh, you think so? That's they were just on the off night of this tradition.

SPEAKER_02: 52:50

Okay, I see.

SPEAKER_04: 52:51

It would have been a little more significant if they walked past someone that was doing it, but they probably didn't want to pay someone to do it, so sure, sure. Uh so they they somehow they meet at 29 hours. She runs into Lucy. At 25 hours, they go to jump in the water. Four hours. They did something for four hours.

SPEAKER_02: 53:16

There's no way, right? I don't know. I've never been swimming for four hours in my life.

SPEAKER_04: 53:21

So they jump in, uh, Santa steals their passports, and then they run away and they go to a laundromat, and then he says, You're like an old sweater, but also like new shoes.

unknown: 53:38

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02: 53:39

Hmm, because she wants to break him in? Is that what she said?

SPEAKER_04: 53:43

It's just like you're you're old, but you're also new. But you can't say you're really old. You never say that to a woman. You're old. No, of course not. You're punched in the face. Um, right. Deservedly so. Yeah. Uh and then she's like, I'm gonna be in Brooklyn. Gotta go. You're like, Where do you gotta go?

SPEAKER_02: 54:05

What? Why do you have to break? I don't know get it. Yeah. Also, why are you going to Brooklyn all of a sudden? That's where she lives. You're in Amsterdam. Yeah, but she's in Amsterdam.

SPEAKER_04: 54:14

What are you doing here? She's on her breakup. This is she came, she gave her, she bought herself uh Christmas. This is her breakup thing. But she's going home before Christmas. Well, not I mean not Christmas, but this is like her gift to herself. It's her breakup. It's a grey love moment.

SPEAKER_03: 54:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 54:29

And you know, but she's like, gotta go. I you and I could go back to a hotel room and have lots of sex, which is what would actually happen in real life.

SPEAKER_00: 54:38

Sure. Sure.

SPEAKER_04: 54:38

But instead, they walk in different directions and do a duet. Which was very short. Thankfully. Yeah. 23 hours, we call Cassidy. She is not helpful. She's like, go to Germany. They get a car. The car immediately breaks because Santa Claus breaks everything. Then they're walking, and here comes Santa Claus in a truck. Nick gets up in front with Santa Claus, the other two guys sitting back with the Christmas trees.

SPEAKER_02: 55:04

With the trees, going to the burning tree thing.

SPEAKER_04: 55:07

Yep.

SPEAKER_02: 55:07

It's great.

SPEAKER_04: 55:08

And then Nick complains to Santa Claus about how he has to make all the decisions. And he's tired of being so annoying. And then Nick's like, I gotta get away from you, Santa Claus. You're giving me weird vibes. So they're all in the back. Giving me weird vibes. I gotta get out of this truck. And they talk about Christmas, and then we we do a song about memories like the corner of my mind.

SPEAKER_02: 55:35

And then we see like clips of them as kids. Yeah, lots of them. Yeah, well, because you know they were on screen famous, you know? They were brothers. What do you mean, on-screen famous?

SPEAKER_04: 55:46

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_02: 55:48

Well, because like they were on TV when they were kids. Why? You know? I don't know why, because they're the Jonas brothers. They had a show. What do you mean? They had a TV show? Yeah, the Jonas Brothers? Yeah. Yeah, they did. Like a Disney TV show where they did they sing as kids? I well, I've never seen it, so I assume they sing. I assume it's pretty much the exact same thing as this movie.

SPEAKER_04: 56:13

Oh, so there was like you would turn turn off uh Clarissa Explains It All and the Jonas Brothers would come on?

SPEAKER_02: 56:20

Yeah, Jonas Disney show. Oh. Ran from oh 2009 to 2010. That's not very good.

SPEAKER_04: 56:29

Wait a second. That's like 15 years ago. If they're 33, that's when they were 18.

SPEAKER_02: 56:35

Well, some of them for sure. I wonder uh where did the Jonas brothers come from? They're mine, just New Jersey. That's not what I meant. I meant like how did they can't start them? Yeah, how did they get famous? Anyhow.

SPEAKER_04: 56:57

Okay. Um, yeah, I mean, I did maybe they had a show. I don't know. I didn't thought he was making that up.

SPEAKER_02: 57:03

Um, they were in the movie Camp Rock, which was a Disney movie. Then they did their TV show from 2009-2010. They were signed to Columbia Records.

SPEAKER_04: 57:19

So it's so it's like uh it's like uh Zach Efron.

SPEAKER_02: 57:23

Efron.

SPEAKER_04: 57:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 57:24

Only less cool because Zach Efron is the man. Gotta get you, get you, get you, get your head in the game.

SPEAKER_04: 57:32

Nick calls Stacy their manager again, and then he's like, okay, I guess we can extend the tour. Then they go to a truck stop in Germany. Uh, truck stops in Germany, if no one's talked about this before. Greatest places on the planet. Really? Yeah. Why? What do you mean?

SPEAKER_02: 57:48

You can buy magic rocks there. Let's just all take a moment and and just just relish in the fact that Dan thinks the greatest place on earth is somewhere where you can just buy magic rocks. From a vending machine. There's rocks in a vending machine and you're buying them? Dan, you got something going on, man. That's just a rock. Just go outside, pick up a different rock. You're fine. Is this it? Is this your magic rock?

SPEAKER_04: 58:22

No. But you know, it's like it's just like a machine that has like, you know, like polished rocks in it. I bought the I bought a new thing of polished rocks. I need to have some polished rocks in my life.

SPEAKER_02: 58:34

You gotta you gotta have polished rocks. You know, what else what are you doing with your life if you don't have polished rocks?

SPEAKER_04: 58:39

I know I said to my wife, you know, I can either buy these polished rocks or I can start, I can get a rock tumbler and start tumbling my own rocks.

SPEAKER_02: 58:46

I'll start doing it myself, polish these bad boys myself.

SPEAKER_04: 58:50

That's what she has to put up with every day.

SPEAKER_02: 58:56

Shannon, you're doing God's work over there.

SPEAKER_04: 58:58

And the rocks came in the mail, and I had them all spread out, and I was picking out the best ones, and I was like, okay. Yeah, it's probably like 30 rocks. I'm like, you can have one, but it can't be one of the ones I want.

SPEAKER_02: 59:08

One rock, alright, out of these five that I don't like.

SPEAKER_04: 59:15

Okay, okay, okay.

unknown: 59:17

Ah.

SPEAKER_04: 59:18

So he says we can extend the tour. They're at the truck stop, they all buy novelty shirts so that for once they aren't dressed, you know, like they're out of an LLB catalog or something.

SPEAKER_02: 59:29

Not super rich fancy clothes, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 59:32

Well, they wear their fancy clothes on top of the shirt. You can sort of see the shirt inside the thing.

SPEAKER_02: 59:41

Man, what are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_04: 59:43

And the private plane awaits them. They get on the private plane, they're watching Home Alone on the plane, so there's some Home Alone thing going on.

SPEAKER_02: 59:50

They're obsessed with Home Alone. They obviously love Home Alone, which is great. It's a great movie.

SPEAKER_04: 59:54

Uh Nick goes into the thing. There is Gene Topless taking photos of himself. Because Gene is Stacy's ex, and so he's trying to get back together with her. Of course, they made it seem that Stacy was the one who got dumped, but I guess Stacy dumped it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:11

That's very confusing. Why would he need to take sexy pictures to get back? She's begging to get back with him. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah. I don't understand. He had to have like cheated on her, and that's why she's sad. And then he's getting sexy photos to get back with her. Yeah. There's a way to make that make sense, but they just didn't do it. They just chose not to do those things.

SPEAKER_04: 1:00:33

Yeah. Uh, and now this is the boys, they're like, deal with him, and then the boys look at Nick's phone and they see that Nick is gonna do the extension, and he's all like, Well, I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to tell you this, because they're like, We're angry, but this is how we're angry. Oh, we're angry.

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:50

Whatever. Yeah, at best. I'm honestly you're coming in a little hot right now, Dan. I need you to calm down.

SPEAKER_04: 1:00:58

Uh yeah. Then they they knock out Gene and then they have to Gene's dead, by the way.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:04

He he slipped and fell and hit his head on the corner of a table. Gene is dead.

SPEAKER_04: 1:01:10

He should have smashed him through the table, but that's probably be a lot more expensive. Um they wake Gene up enough to just crash the plane.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:21

Yeah, boy, did that crash look bad. I guess they don't have a lot of money.

SPEAKER_04: 1:01:28

Spend all the money on the clothes, eh, boys? Oh, there's also this running joke about two of the brothers both having lines of candles. One's like big wicks and the other one's like I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:40

Wick by nick or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04: 1:01:42

I didn't write those jokes down.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:44

Well, they're not funny or interesting or make any sense.

SPEAKER_04: 1:01:47

But one of the candles burns down the plane. Uh what happened to the pilot?

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:53

Um, he was fine. They carried him out. Because then he runs away somewhere. Oh, he runs away? Is that what he does? Yeah. You don't remember this? This so they're all in the woods after it explodes, and he's fine, by the way. The pilot's like, ah, don't worry about it. It's just a plane. And then he's like, hey, I'm mad at you guys, I'm gonna go get my girlfriend back, and then just walks away. Yeah. Uh in the woods. And then the boys are like, Well, I guess we're just stuck in the woods. And I was like, why wouldn't you just follow the guy who clearly knows where he's going? Because just follow him out of the woods.

SPEAKER_04: 1:02:24

Because he was only shooting for that one day. I don't know. Uh so they're they they they all sort of confess their problems. I don't want you guys thinking I'm a mansled, I don't want to have to be in charge of everything. And Kevin's like, can I sing a song? Just one time.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:43

And they were like, No, Kevin, no, you're bad. You're bad at singing.

SPEAKER_04: 1:02:48

Um hold on, yeah, in a second, but they do get one good joke, and then they they make it basically make the joke where they they all have girl children. They're like, hey, we all have girls, we all have girls. I was like, that's weird. So they all they all go their separate ways. Nick is singing about being responsible, and then they all walked in circles, so they all end up right back at the same place. Great. It's great. They get attacked by wolves, and in this moment of fear, they just they realize that they're the Jonas brothers, a pack, and they gotta stick together. Doesn't make any sense. And Santa Claus scares off the wolves with magic. Santa magic. And then Randall Park shows up and he's all like, oh on a Bobsled?

SPEAKER_01: 1:03:44

What's happening?

SPEAKER_04: 1:03:45

That was like the one thing. He shows up on a on a on a on a bot on a sled, dog sled, and then they're all like, We didn't know you dog sled. And he's like, I do the adiderod every year. I talk about it all the time, and they're like, Oh, the you know, you if when you made those jokes, they they it just says you're you're assholes.

SPEAKER_02: 1:04:09

That's the thing. Oh they're definitely assholes. Oh, you think they're assholes? Especially, especially Nick, just based on this movie. Telling you that kid's got a swagger that I don't like.

SPEAKER_04: 1:04:19

I don't think Kevin or Joe would pay enough attention to anything to like, you know.

SPEAKER_02: 1:04:24

No, no, Kevin's just a sweet boy, you know, just a sweet, sweet nobody.

SPEAKER_04: 1:04:29

Uh they get a rescue copter. Let's do Christmas at Kevin's. They all go to Kevin's. Uh, do you want to talk about the weird bunny art that Kevin has on the wall?

SPEAKER_02: 1:04:40

Before that, I want to talk about the fact that the boys, Nick makes the choice. We should go to we should go to Kevin's. And he's like, wait, this should be a trilateral decision. And I was like, actually, it should be a sex tuplet with all your wives. Your wives don't get a say in where they go for Christmas. You people are so controlled. These these Jonas brothers are so egotistical. They're just like, yeah, our wives will do whatever we tell them to. Who cares about what they think? Idiots. Oh, I want to get home to my wife, but not really. I don't care about them. This is wild stuff. Wild. They're bad husbands. That's it. Just want to point that out.

SPEAKER_04: 1:05:18

Alright, what's going on with your art? Did you see the weird bunny man painting on the wall?

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:23

I don't think I did. Bunny Man? I don't think I did see this. Is it like Donnie Darko bunny, or like what's going on with it? It's this weird bunny on the wall. It's very strange.

SPEAKER_04: 1:05:35

Um, they do another joke with the candles, and then the the boys call Lucy. Lucy shows up and she's like, thanks for sending that Uber Black vehicle to pick me up and carry me safely from point A to point B at a fairly reasonable price.

SPEAKER_02: 1:05:57

It's not reasonable at all. They're so expensive. Well, Uber Black is wild.

SPEAKER_04: 1:06:02

Well, they paid some money for that uh endorsement. Wow, sure. Uh and then she's like, You're incredible. I love you. Let's be in love, and then let's kiss. Yeah. Uh and then the one brother says a good joke. It's it's it's like the end of love, actually, but horrible. But horrible. Yeah. No, that was good. And then they do a song, All I Wanted Was You. And then we then we do the wrap-ups where uh Gene gets back to Cassidy, there's a montage of people, and then Santa says, Oh, now I gotta go do Oasis.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:47

How is Oasis the next band that they think of after the Jonas brothers? I don't understand. Oasis is pretty hot this year.

SPEAKER_04: 1:06:56

Are they? Are they back? Oh yeah, they they they reformed and did a huge tour.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:02

I did not know that. Huge tour. Had no idea. That's how little attention I paid to Wonder Wall, you know what I'm saying? That's their song, Oasis. They sing a song. Y'all my wonder waa! That song? You like you like this Oasis band. I'm seeing it on your face. You like you're defending Oasis, and I apologize, Dan. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04: 1:07:27

I'm sorry this is not orange kind of punk pop that makes me wanna dance on ska.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:34

You don't like ska? Everyone likes the little ska. Come on.

SPEAKER_04: 1:07:38

Okay. Um, what are we talking about?

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:42

The Jonas Brothers movie.

SPEAKER_04: 1:07:43

Oh yeah. Um, just just do some Christmas classics.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:49

Just all you need to do. Just or just one, maybe. You know, even just one I'd be happy with. Just make it a little Christmassy. You know, spread some And maybe don't make Santa a monster. Just I'm just throwing that out there.

SPEAKER_04: 1:08:04

Less monstrous Santa.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:08

Make him just slightly likable or charming or Santa-like.

unknown: 1:08:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 1:08:14

Um, yeah, you know, whatever. I I mean am I ever am I ever gonna put a nickel in the pockets of the Jonas brothers for any reason? No, for sure not. No, but there are people that do, and you know, whatever. That's fine. The one the Joe dated uh he dated everybody. He dated uh what's her name? Taylor Swift.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:34

Oh yeah, well I guess well, he's a womanizer then. He's a party people. I don't know if you know that.

SPEAKER_04: 1:08:44

Now, do you think do you think Taylor's uh marriage to the football guy will last?

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:50

I hope so. You know, I'm rooting for him. I'm rooting for him. Well, he's no good at football anymore, so he's gotta have something. Is he? He's got he's died at football. He f dude, tough season. And then the like they had to, I think it was was it last week or the week before? Was like their if we lose, we're basically out of the playoff race. He dropped the last pass of the game, just dead dropped it, and then they lost. I was like, Yeah, dude, you gotta get out. You gotta retire. You gotta live with T Swift because no one's gonna like you anymore. Yeah, it's tough. It's been a tough season for Mr. Kelsey. Well, so hopefully, you know, wife and kids, maybe that'll go better for him.

SPEAKER_04: 1:09:29

Yeah, put some put some babies into Taylor Swift. That'll that'll sort your life out.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:35

That'll fix everything.

SPEAKER_04: 1:09:38

Uh the Swifties are gonna come for Dan.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:40

That's uh I should have said my name. Now they know my name. You gave them everything. Oh no.

SPEAKER_04: 1:09:48

With the Social Security number. Oh, no, I'm not telling, I can't tell my social security.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:51

Yeah, just remember, our uh Instagram handles are below here, so just follow Dan on Instagram.

SPEAKER_04: 1:09:57

No, not for this episode. Um, so that's the Jonas Brothers Christmas.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:03

Yeah, it could have been a Christmas movie. It should have been, because it's in the title. It's a Jonas Christmas movie, so I'm a little disappointed. So this is this is the button that I gotta place on this.

SPEAKER_04: 1:10:15

Oh, that's right, I forgot. Yeah, bring it home, Dan. So one of my favorite shows ever is this uh show called How To With John Wilson. And three seasons on HBO. Cancel. What's happening? Uh and on this show, he he and and other people just walk around New York City like videoing things. And then he also goes and like you know, answers Craigslist, adds, and and goes and sees people, and then they they string this all together and it you know, just sort of showing how the world is, and he does very very funny, he's like a very crazy lunatic guy, and he just says all these words. It's very funny, very funny. So we got three seasons of how to with John Wilson, and we're just like, we need more, more, more. So they just announced this week that he's he's got his new movie, which is going to Sundance 2026. It's called The History of Concrete. Of concrete? Concrete, you know, like in the road. Concrete. Like what I walk on, what you walk on. Okay, great. So the movie is about him going and taking a class about how to write Hallmark movies. And so he is he is adapting that formula to write his movie A Hit The History of Concrete.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:40

Oh my god, what's that? What does that even mean?

SPEAKER_04: 1:11:43

I don't know, but I have to see it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:47

I didn't know you could take a class on that. I'm gonna take a class on Hallmark too.

SPEAKER_04: 1:11:51

One of the writing classes I took, the teacher, that's what she wrote. She wrote those movies.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:57

Did you tell her that they're not very good? Did you quit the class on the spot, Dan? That's not a good pedigree.

SPEAKER_04: 1:12:06

She also wrote like this other, like she wrote a movie and and they made it. And so you could watch it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:11

Oh, that's good. There you go. Yeah, I better than most of us. I I watched it. Was it good?

unknown: 1:12:18

No. It was very bad.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:19

Sure.

unknown: 1:12:20

Very, very bad.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:20

Yeah. I mean it happens. Hey, it got made. That's all that matters.

SPEAKER_04: 1:12:24

Well, they made it, so it didn't get made.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:26

Oh, I I see what you're saying. They so okay.

SPEAKER_04: 1:12:29

If you their own money. If you get all your friends together and make a movie, it didn't get made. They made it. It's a very different.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:36

That's true. You're absolutely right. There is a there's a very large distinction there. You're right.

SPEAKER_04: 1:12:40

There's like you make your own movie, then somebody makes your movie, and then somebody real makes your movie.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:48

Those are the three levels. I'd like to be at level two. I want someone else to make it. I don't want to put any effort in, but it doesn't also need to be huge. You know what I mean? Just make it.

SPEAKER_04: 1:12:59

That's all I need. Just just take my stuff and then do all the work for me. I have to do just do it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:07

Writing is all right. I sat around for hours. I'm done. I'm done with this.

SPEAKER_04: 1:13:14

Okay. Now we talk about something we like this week. Yeah, Dan, what'd you like this week? I've already watched the new Knives Out Mystery. It's called something.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:24

Wake up Dead Man.

SPEAKER_04: 1:13:26

Wake up Dead Man.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:28

I pretty much solved it. What is pretty much? I mean, don't tell us because I haven't watched it yet.

SPEAKER_04: 1:13:37

One aspect of it I didn't solve, but I didn't even know that I needed to solve it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:40

Didn't solve the whole thing. It feels like a black and white thing where you either solve it or you don't solve it.

SPEAKER_04: 1:13:45

I solved the murder.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:48

Okay. But did you like the movie?

SPEAKER_04: 1:13:52

It was good. It was good.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:54

Yeah. Now you you like the first one, you don't like the second one, or vice versa? I couldn't remember.

SPEAKER_04: 1:14:00

Don't like the first one.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:01

Don't like the first one, you like the second one.

SPEAKER_04: 1:14:03

Love the second one.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:04

Love the second one. Okay. Second one.

SPEAKER_04: 1:14:07

The second one's not really a mystery.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:09

It's more of a yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_04: 1:14:11

Suspense, or whatever. I don't know what you want to call it. And you know, this one, this one is a real, it's a real mystery. So it's a real good mystery.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:22

Except for Dan figured it out.

SPEAKER_04: 1:14:24

Well, that was that's why I really like the second one since it doesn't feel like a mystery. You're not tasked. I I never felt tasked with solving the mystery. With figuring it out, this one I was like, okay, because it's a closed door, it's a strap in. It's a closed door mystery, which is like, who done it? You know, there's no there's yeah, there's not somebody standing there, you know, poking somebody. You know, they don't turn there's not 15 people in the room, they turn out the lights and they turn it back on, and there's a dead person. You're more like, it could be anybody.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:52

Sure.

SPEAKER_04: 1:14:52

This one you're like, it can't be anybody, so you gotta figure out who it is.

SPEAKER_02: 1:14:57

Yeah, figure out who could it be. Yeah, all right. So it's fun.

SPEAKER_04: 1:15:00

It's fun. Yeah, it's real fun. I'm excited.

SPEAKER_02: 1:15:01

I'm uh, you know, we like those movies, so I'm excited to give it a whirl. The cast, you're just like, oh yeah, that's that's something they seem to get right every time, you know.

SPEAKER_04: 1:15:12

Jeffrey Wright is in it, and you're just like, I could I I I watch some of that stupid uh Westworld. Uh oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:15:22

He's I we watched like one episode and we dropped off.

SPEAKER_04: 1:15:26

But he's so he's so good, and he plays like a semi-comic role in this, and you're just like, ah, okay. He doesn't play one of the main people, he just plays, you know, sort of secondary person. And you're just like, I could use ten hundred times as much of him.

SPEAKER_02: 1:15:43

100? That's a lot. And you know that's pretty good. Good for you, Mr. Wright. Everybody's performances are great. You're like, oh man.

unknown: 1:15:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:15:53

Yeah. So what do you have, Tony? I don't have anything good to tell you. I just want to update you on my reality shows real quickly. Both Finding Mr. Christmas and Love Island, Australia are on their finale episodes coming next week. I'm very excited to see who wins.

SPEAKER_04: 1:16:11

What's what's going on with Mr. Christmas? Is he like posing for a calendar?

SPEAKER_02: 1:16:15

I'm actually pretty upset about uh Finding Mr. Christmas because they sent home the guy that I loved. His name was Davey. Appreciation post to Davey from Finding Mr. Christmas. This is one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen in my life. This guy was unreal. And so I don't know if you've ever watched a show, but the basically they're finding the next Hallmark star for a Christmas movie.

SPEAKER_04: 1:16:38

Oh, yeah, that's what it is.

SPEAKER_02: 1:16:40

So they do they do like a fun challenge, and then you get to do an acting challenge in each episode. Yeah, and then they vote people out. And during Davy's acting challenge, it was a picnic setting, and this dude would not stop eating grapes during the scene. Like he's talking while he's eating, he's got you know grape juices coming out of his. It's like, what are you doing? Dude, put the grapes down, and he just kept going, and they sent him home. And I was like, Yeah, it makes sense that you sent him home, but he was so pretty. Uh, so that's a bummer.

SPEAKER_04: 1:17:15

He didn't know to stop eating the grapes. What an idiot.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:17

Yeah, no, and it was it's so many grapes. Like, I'm sure they did a cut to make it look even more than it was, but this guy's just like popping grapes the whole time, would not stop. Uh, but he was great, he was fun. I'm gonna miss him. Um, so now you know, I'm rooting for this Rustin guy to win. I don't love him, but he's my second choice. So I'm pretty good.

SPEAKER_04: 1:17:38

Tony. Tony always on his second choice.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:42

Well, yeah, better than Fifth, right? I don't know. Well, that's our All right. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_04: 1:17:46

What are we doing now? That was our Christmas movie, so you know We're already done.

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:51

All right. One and done.

SPEAKER_04: 1:17:53

Oh, Tony, weren't you gonna talk about some of your favorite Christmas movies?

SPEAKER_02: 1:17:57

Oh, that's right. I did want to talk about these Rotten Tomato scores. All right, so let's just let's just talk really quickly. A very Jonas Christmas movie has 92% critic score, which is insane. Critic score is 92? It's in it doesn't make any sense. I don't know what's going on with that, but there's something wrong. But it has 72% audience score, which is also violently high for me.

SPEAKER_04: 1:18:21

But I I'd understand the other way, right? If the audience was 92, I'd be like, sure, because the only people that are watching this stupid movie are people that are that are enjoying it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:18:31

Sure. But I just wanted to so 92 and 72, and let's go over some classics here. Home alone, 66% critic score. That's insane work. 80% audience score, still too low, but at least it beats it. That's fine. Just Friends, one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time. 43% critic score, 71% audience score, ridiculous. Um, you're not gonna like that. How can Jonas Brothers beat Elf? That doesn't make any sense. 79% audience score. Noelle, one of our other favorites.

SPEAKER_04: 1:19:11

Elf has 79% audience? 79% audience. Christmas classic.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:16

That's what I'm saying. It doesn't make Jonas Brothers are somehow the greatest Christmas movie of all time. So, I mean, we keep going. Noelle is at 56 and 59. We love Noel. Um, I'll Be Home for Christmas, the movie that I compared it to, is at 23% critic score, 41% audience score. Granted, it's not a great movie, but we love it. Uh, I mean, it's just this guy this Rotten Tomato score is out of control, people.

SPEAKER_04: 1:19:42

I think probably that L score is this there's a percentage of people that just hate Will Farrell.

SPEAKER_02: 1:19:47

Hate Will Farrell. Yeah, I think so. But those people apparently don't mind him when he's in the Jonas Brothers movie. Guess not. Ridiculous.

SPEAKER_04: 1:19:56

Okay, next week we're gonna we're gonna go watch some stars, do some. Some Hollywood star stuff.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:02

I love that.

SPEAKER_04: 1:20:03

The girl who plays Wednesday, whatever her name is.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:07

Christina Ricci? No, the new one. Oh, yes. Jen Jenna. Jenna Ortega.

SPEAKER_04: 1:20:16

Thank you. And Ant Man himself.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:21

Oh god. The fucking unicorn movie.

SPEAKER_04: 1:20:25

Death of a unicorn!

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:29

Oh no. I did not want to see this at all. Alright, great. That's what we're doing. That's perfect. 2025, y'all. We're doing it. That's a good way to cap out this.

SPEAKER_04: 1:20:42

That's our final, that'll be our final show 2025, I think. It's gotta be close. 13, 14, 15, 15. No, there'll be one more. You'll get the final one. One more.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:51

Well, how are we gonna close out the year? It's my choice. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_04: 1:20:54

We can't New Year's Eve, right? We already did that.

SPEAKER_02: 1:20:58

We can just do that every year. That'll be our like our tradition.

SPEAKER_04: 1:21:02

I hate you, Tony, but I don't hate you that much.

SPEAKER_02: 1:21:06

I appreciate that, Danier, sweet boy.

SPEAKER_04: 1:21:09

Oh, okay. Death of Unicorn, if you like what we see, give us a thumbs up. Leave a comment. We have a very strange comment on the Jim Carrey one. Go read that comment. Oh, did we? Do you remember what it was? It's just talking about Jim Carrey looking like he's a cross between young Leonardo DiCaprio and someone else. It's like very strange. I don't know what it means. I don't know, man. Um subscribe, leave a thumbs up strange, or leave a strange comment, and we'll be we'll talk about it at the very end of the show. So nobody will hear it. We'll see ya next time.

SPEAKER_00: 1:21:46

Goodbye, everybody. Hey, watch you watch him.