Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Land of the Lost: Big Brain T-Rex, Tiny Plot
Dinosaurs, portals, and a chorus line of pterodactyls should be a slam dunk. We dove into Land of the Lost to figure out why a movie with so many toys keeps losing the game—and how a few smart changes could have turned chaos into comedy that sticks. We start with the core misfire: Will Ferrell is asked to play a straight-man scientist and a clueless clown at the same time, which erases any clean arc and drains the stakes from every set piece. Absurd can be brilliant when the rules are tight; here, the rules shift whenever a gag needs help. One scene uses a waterfall as a portal, another opens a door in midair, and the “land of lost things” includes stuff that was never lost. Without consistent logic, action stops dead so jokes can breathe, and then the jokes run out of air.
There are bright spots. Danny McBride keeps landing sly, character-driven lines because his POV is clear: selfish bluster that occasionally flips into loyal friend. The sleestaks’ intentionally rubbery vibe nods to the original show in a way we liked, and a handful of bits nearly work: the “big brain” T‑Rex who understands insults, the nitrogen catapult that wants to homage Jaws, and the fake-sleep dodge before a dangerous egg run. The problem is follow-through. Setups don’t pay off, tension stalls for monologues, and the movie undercuts its own best ideas. Imagine a version where Ferrell’s scientist maps portal patterns to get home, the T‑Rex feud resolves with a comedic apology instead of a digestive punchline, and Holly’s language skill consistently solves crystal puzzles rather than a lucky belt-reflection trick.
We don’t just roast; we rebuild. Give the world three simple rules, lock each character’s goal, and let the bits escalate instead of pause. The result is a fun, rule-bound playground where McBride’s chaos sharpens Ferrell’s growth and the creature gags actually matter. If you’re into comedy craft, story structure, and the joy of almost-great ideas, you’ll have a blast with this one. Hit play, then tell us your favorite broken setup—and how you’d fix it. And if you’re new here, subscribe, drop a review, and share this with a friend who loves a good movie autopsy.
Written lovingly by AI
Be our friend!
Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech
And follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT
My best friend growing up, his name is Brian, his mom's name is Kathy. She messaged me on Facebook and was like, I was watching my favorite show, NCIS Origins, and there was this guy. He looked just like you. Was that you? And I was like, that is me. You are the only person to come by it honestly. So cheers to Kathy Johnson. Thank you. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_01:Kathy Johnson is the only demographic that still watches those shows. So there you go.
SPEAKER_04:That's probably true. That's probably true.
SPEAKER_01:I'm sure they're great.
SPEAKER_04:I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:If you knew more friends in that demographic, you'd have gotten contacted more.
SPEAKER_03:I wish I should get new friends. Is that what you're telling me?
SPEAKER_01:No. Well, yes. Yes, that too. Welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony. I am Dan. I am Tony. Well, Tony screwed up this week.
SPEAKER_03:I did screw up this week. Um I slept right through our deadline. Totally forgot to put up a from the vault because I know everybody likes old episodes. Um, because let's face it, if you're watching this episode, you probably didn't watch an episode that was 200 weeks ago. Um, because this is probably your first time here. But anyhow, yeah, I forgot to post them. So we have this, I think this is the first week since we started that nothing was posted.
SPEAKER_01:Really, it is literally the first week that I think this is the truly missed putting outside.
SPEAKER_03:That I completely messed up. I so I think I ruined our streak. Maybe we should end the show. I think I broke the streak. Well, yeah, no one's gonna watch the show anymore, Dan.
SPEAKER_01:Well, based on the last two episodes, nobody is watching the show.
SPEAKER_03:Oh no, it's not going well. Oh boy.
SPEAKER_01:If I thought werewolves was gonna have bad viewership, oh my god, Little Evil has very bad viewership.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, thanks, Adam Scott.
SPEAKER_01:After we did whatchamacallit, that got a lot of that got a big bunch of views, 163 or something. Oh yeah. Oh, something we a lot of people thumbs down.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, Superman. It's always gonna be controversial when you don't like James Cunn Superman. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Uh so this week, Tony picked a movie. I'm I'm sitting here, I'm like, am I sure I watched the right movie? Because I didn't kind of I remembered it a certain but, oh, this is the movie. Wouldn't that be funny if we both watched different movies and we had to do two movies?
SPEAKER_03:I would actually love that. I th maybe we should start doing that. Two-hour-long episodes where we each do a movie.
SPEAKER_01:You gotta guess what the movie is, then we watch movies, and then hopefully we both watch the same movie.
SPEAKER_03:We have to guess based on your like review of it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you get it, you get a couple of context clues.
SPEAKER_03:I love it. I love it.
SPEAKER_01:Then we both watch movies. I mean uh Tony, what movie do we watch this week?
SPEAKER_03:So I was just going, I'm I was gonna be on a plane ride, a six-hour plane ride from New York to LA last night, and I was like, I need something that's easy, digestible, and probably very stupid. Uh, and I think I nailed it. I think I really crushed that out of the park. Um, we're doing Will Farrell's uh Opus Land of the Lost.
SPEAKER_01:Hey! 2009, hour and 41 minutes. Uh, him and Danny McBride and a woman that she seemed familiar, but I looked up her work and I'm like, I've seen something of hers.
SPEAKER_03:She's great. You know, she does just fine. She's great, or she's fine. Well, she does do very different things. She doesn't do anything that where I'm like, well, you shouldn't work. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, sure.
SPEAKER_03:I can't say I felt that way about Will.
SPEAKER_01:Will Farrell as well.
SPEAKER_03:Is this a movie that you saw Will Farrell do and you thought, yeah, here's my problem with this movie, uh, using Will Farrell. I because he's technically straight man, right? But he can't play that character. So, like when he's giving scientific jargon, it sounds like Will is doing a character of a scientist giving fake scientific jargon. You already lost the premise in your own movie, in my opinion.
SPEAKER_01:They didn't start with a true premise of who's what, what they're good at. They don't they they don't have they didn't do what you have to do in a movie, which is like, here's your guy, this is who he is, this is where he needs to get to, and he learns whatever lessons he needs to learn to get there. Yeah. No, it also felt like and none of the three characters had that, so yeah, nothing at all.
SPEAKER_04:No, there's no there's no character arcs at all.
SPEAKER_01:This felt like an improv where you're where you do, you know, you do the hour, like a half an hour long improv, and you get off stage, you're like, never really found it.
SPEAKER_03:It went okay. The audience was there, but like we never really connected. You know, we never really felt that we found that story. Because you do have those shows, especially in long-form improv, where you're just going from like scene to scene, and you're like, We're we're close, we're circling. We're circling something, but we never quite pin it down.
SPEAKER_04:Uh, I love that, Dan. That's very good. Because very, very accurate.
SPEAKER_01:Nobody is like exactly good at something or or is delusional in a really specific, understandable way. Yeah. They just they just jump around from like, oh, I'm gonna be this now. Oh, I'm I'm good at science. I'm not good at science. I'm I want to kill Chaka. I don't want to kill Chaka. I don't know who is Chaka. Like the woman can understand Chaka, but maybe she can understand Chaka. You're like okay.
SPEAKER_03:She definitely can 90% of the time, flawlessly. And then when it serves the plot, she can understand.
SPEAKER_01:And then there's the guy that played Chaka, which is one of the Lonely Island guys played Chaka. Oh, was it? Okay. Whatever it is. Punem, Plinum, whatever his name is.
SPEAKER_03:Nerm, Nirm, whatever his name is. Nerm. I don't think it's Nirm. I don't know all of their names, but I don't think is it a Kiva or is it the other one? Yeah, great. It's one of those guys. Is it uh is it the guy who is in Brooklyn 99?
SPEAKER_01:It's not that guy, it's not the Brooklyn 99 guy. It's one of the other two lonely the two guys that don't get to be on screen. Oh, I see. Okay now we know why. Um man. And then Danny McBride is in there, and he's just like he's just having fun. He's just like, eh, I'm gonna snore lines out. I don't really care.
SPEAKER_03:I don't think Danny McBride got a script. I don't think they ever because he never seems to really fully know what's going on. He's just kind of like throwing out jokes. And I was like, I think Danny just showed up to set and was like, what I don't give a shit what we're doing. Just point the cameras and I'll say some stuff. I don't know. Uh that's not bad. I'm not that's I'm not knocking it because he was the only time I laughed in this movie, was like a couple of McBride moments. Um, but I really I don't know if he knew what was going on in the movie.
SPEAKER_01:I have no idea. I don't yeah, I don't think that there was there's one Will Farrell bit that I laughed at, but none of his lines worked.
SPEAKER_03:No, and I I honestly think it's because his character just doesn't feel real, which is sounds stupid sometimes when you say that, but like it is a caricature and not a very good one.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you know? Well, and he you you either have to make him think he has a bunch of tools, and then those tools fail, which lead to things going south, but they would do they'd do like these comedic setups in the middle of the thing where you're like, Yeah, no human being would do that. Yeah. And then they would stop for monol, you know, like when you're having a battle, they they'd almost like stop for a monologue and be like, here's my friend, da da da da da, and there would be no tension. There's never any tension in this movie. So you're like, No, that is correct. I don't really care about if they get home, I don't care if they save the earth. I don't really care.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and usually so like this character, right? This is uh this is a common character where it's you know a scientist who is right about something, but the world thinks he's wrong, so he loot, you know, usually they lose faith in themselves a little bit, and then they kind of have to like regain it. Something, but this is like a weird thing where he's like super arrogant, and yet the world is like, you're an idiot, and then it turns out he's right, but then he's a complete idiot through most of the movie and does all of the things wrong to the point where Danny McBride's character goes, Do you ever get sick of being wrong? And he's like, I do, I'm sick of it. And then at the end, he's a genius, like it doesn't even make sense. It does you have to pick a lane here. He's either like a misunderstood genius or he's a lucky idiot. One of those two, but it can't be all of those things mixed together at different points, it doesn't make any sense.
SPEAKER_01:Those things all glued together just leaves us going, like, well, what just happened?
SPEAKER_03:Well, I don't understand any of it. Yeah, it's weird because she treats him like a genius. She's like, You're the smartest man alive. And then the other scientist the evil scientist lizard is like, we're smarter than these people. But then he he's an idiot. He's does everything wrong. He doesn't do one thing right. The whole movie- I don't know. It's very confusing.
SPEAKER_01:And when they have to sort of at the end, he has to like sort of deal with these crystals, and and you're like, you need to have him explain he has to be able to explain it to us. Yes, correct. And believe what he's saying. Whenever he's explaining something to us, I don't believe that he believes himself.
SPEAKER_03:Because see, I don't think, and this is not a knock on Will Farrell, but I don't think he understands the words. Oh, I don't know if he can't. I mean, I think he could if he knew what he was saying. I don't think what he's saying is like resonating with him. I think that's the problem. It's just like jelled words on a page where he's just regurgitating it, but he's like, I don't even what it I don't know what this science is. I don't know what's going on. I don't know. It's it doesn't work. It doesn't work. It doesn't work.
SPEAKER_01:Oh well.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, oh well, what are you gonna do? Let's talk about Danny McBride, who I don't generally like that much. Uh but he is the best part of this movie.
SPEAKER_01:He's the best part of the movie. I I think it takes him, you know, I I don't know that there was any setups until like the second half of the movie that I thought worked. The better stuff I thought would be. Sure. Yeah, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_03:It takes a while because it starts, he starts so terrible as a character. Like he comes in as just like this misogynist asshole, and it takes a while for him to like become less sure of himself and then get funny.
SPEAKER_01:You're right. There's definitely two or three like lurid, lurid jokes at the beginning that you're like, wait, what's happening?
SPEAKER_03:His first scene, he comes in as like, this is the perfect woman. Huge boobs and no head. Like, what you can't that can't be our character introduction. That's not okay. That's too much. You're coming in way too hot here.
SPEAKER_01:Especially if it's just gonna be two men and a woman. Right. Yep, nope. Nope. That's an that's an equation. Okay, so uh we set up this tear in space, we meet a spaceman, he gets eaten by a dinosaur. Set up for nothing, right?
SPEAKER_03:We didn't even we never we don't see his body, nobody talks about it as far as I can tell. A guy disappears off the earth and we never talk about it. That's pretty weird, right? Yeah, but also he's an astronaut, so he's pretty smart, I think, based on what I know about NASA or whatever. Sure. There are three moons in the sky, and he's like, I'm supposed to be in Albuquerque, but I don't think I'm there. It's like you know, you know you're not there. You could look in the sky and be like, Well, this isn't Earth. I don't understand it. I'm very confused. Um I also don't just in general, can you explain to me where this is, how you get there? The science was very weird to me.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, it's just a portal to another dimension. And then for whatever reason, that portal portals open up randomly and dump random stuff from all sorts of different places. And that's why I'm confused.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, why it seems arbitrary. It is arbitrary seemed to solve it. If he was like, if he figured out how to track where they pop up, and that was his science in the movie, I was like, that's cool. But he has some sort of device that maybe amplifies what's going on or something.
SPEAKER_01:He's got a uh a Ghostbusters backpack that they referred to initially as the Tachyon Amplifier, and then I believe later they refer to it as a tachyon meter or detector. And you're like, hold on a second. Your primary piece of tech. See, the the the what the movie should have been is they should have had the piece of tech with them, and then they have to repair the piece of tech to get things rolling. And you're like, you know, like timeline or whatever.
SPEAKER_03:Wait, is it what's that what's the Paul Walker movie? That great, great Paul Walker movie where he travels in time, it's based on a book, a very famous book. What's like the famous time travel book? Uh Time Time? All right. Is it not Timeline? The Time Traveler's Brother's Wife?
SPEAKER_01:Isn't that on the time? Isn't that like a romance movie?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I think so. Paul Walker time travel movie. Timeline. It's called Timeline. All right, yeah. Anyhow, don't worry, I lost what I was even talking about. But everyone go watch Paul Walker's Timeline. It's great.
SPEAKER_01:Go watch it.
SPEAKER_03:Um also only has 13% on Rotten Tomatoes. So maybe we'll watch it at some point.
SPEAKER_01:Um, yeah, so the basic premise of this is when they finally get thrown through the the portal, then they just have to get the thing back.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah, they just have to find it.
SPEAKER_01:And it plays a chorus line.
SPEAKER_04:The dinosaurs love to steal it. I don't I don't know why they're attracted to it, but it's fine.
SPEAKER_01:Nope, no, no explanation. So our big setup is he is on the Today Show with Matt Lauer.
SPEAKER_03:And he's a bad guy, right? Am I remembering that right? Did we cancel him?
SPEAKER_01:He gone. He got so I think he had like a button that would lock his door, you know, on his desk.
SPEAKER_04:Uh-oh.
SPEAKER_01:I think there was something that had to do with that button.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:That's probably not great.
SPEAKER_01:You don't want to be the guy that has the button. Everybody's like, not all buttons are bad. So you can push a button and I'm trapped in here with you. Is that what you're telling me?
SPEAKER_03:Secret locking buttons are never good. No. That's that's only reserved for like evil villains. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So he's a quantum paleontologist. So he knows about dinosaurs and he knows about portals, but does he though? He never seems like he really knows about dinosaurs. Or portals, Dan. He doesn't know anything. He seems to know more about portals than he does about dinosaurs. Um, something about$50 million. He's smoking a pipe, transdimensional energy. He tries to leave the interview, and then he and Matt Lauer fight.
SPEAKER_03:Well, so here's where I started, I mean, and this happens very quickly. I'm like, I'm confused. Matt Lauer brings up his detractors or whatever, or critics. He's like, your critics, and he's like, my critics, as if he didn't know that he has critics, which is very confusing because the entire scientific community thinks he's an idiot. Yeah. How does he not know he doesn't? I I don't know. I was I was like, this character already seems crazy.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it's so easy. It's like, you know, he's on there, that the Today Show thing falls apart, he goes back to the university, they kick him out of the university. There he is. He meets the woman, she has a VW bug, she drives him out to the spot, they go to land loss. It's that is so easy. Yep. Oh, we do three years later.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, like there's there's a time gap, which is what is what's why we why do we need a time gap? You don't need it, you don't need a time gap because his career should like just be dying, right? I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:He's given a presentation talking about travel the time to kids. To children. And is that funny? I is that a is that funny? I don't know. I didn't think it was funny. It's funny because the kids are the first people to get laughs in the movie. Well, okay, sure. You see that and this is this is your it's your classic comedy where they're like, what's a funny thing we can do? He's now talking to kids. And you're like, why is he talking to kids?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, for what purpose? Well they don't they don't care.
SPEAKER_01:They don't care. Oh, but it'll be funny because the kids could say funny things. And the kids say some funny things. What it what if you shot a huge uh spaceship full of pot at the sun? Would everybody get stoned? Do dinosaurs have boobs? Okay, that's funny.
SPEAKER_04:Great question.
SPEAKER_01:Uh then Holly C acquiring minds. Holly Contrell shows up. I think you're brilliant. He's like, you're right. Uh she's very confusing. She's your setup to get them to the place where they need to go to use the thing, because he sees that she has a fossil that sh has an impression of the lighter that he owns.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Are are I mean lighters can just be the same size, though, you know? Like the fact that it's his oh, did it have the words? Okay, all right. Yeah. Alright. So now here's why I'm a little confused, right? Yep. Because this is a this is a alternate timeline or another dimension. It's not the past.
SPEAKER_01:Well, ostensibly the the lighter gets dropped and stepped on by the dinosaur, and so that is the fossil that she finds in the future. But how? Because it's not the past. Oh, because that probably fell through the portal into the past, I guess.
SPEAKER_03:See, no, this but this is important stuff because when we go into the time the we when we go through the portal, we're not technically in the past. No, it's the past, it's the present, it's probably part of the future. Like it's an ultimate dimension of some sort because it has stuff from now, it has stuff from before, and it has stuff from the future. Sure. How did this become a fossil that she then found? Because a dinosaur stepped on it. That's no, I understand. I know how it made the impression in the rock, Dan. What I'm saying is, how did that rock go to the past and then she found it in the present?
SPEAKER_01:Which of course doesn't make any sense because if the sinosaurus stepped on the lighter or just crushed the lighter, it wouldn't impress it into the ground.
SPEAKER_03:If not, listen, you have bad lighters, okay? My lighters can are impervious to pressure.
SPEAKER_01:So he like throws her out or something, which doesn't make any sense. Oh no, she leaves.
SPEAKER_03:She's yeah, she probably just takes off. He's a loser.
SPEAKER_01:But then in the next scene, she comes back to find him. Passed out on the ground, covered in food. Because he food bins, and he does like a whole bit about I went to del Taco, and then I went to pizza thing, and then is uh is a bit of a strong word for what just happens.
SPEAKER_03:He thinks it's a bit. It's like a Tony. I guess that's probably true. Yeah, nope, didn't didn't find anything interesting in it.
SPEAKER_01:14,000 calories. Uh sure been there.
SPEAKER_03:That's like a Tuesday night.
SPEAKER_01:She sees the tachyon amplifier, she's like, You did it, you built it. And then it plays a chorus line. I think I did it. Yeah. I think I did it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, what what?
SPEAKER_01:Well, that's the setup the set up the thing at the very that when they're at the pterodactyl nest. Sure. So you think they wrote that scene first?
SPEAKER_03:You think they were like, you know what would be funny is if he has to get through these pterodactyls and they're listening to a chorus line. Cheers them on. Yeah, that's unfortunate.
SPEAKER_01:Because that's how I write.
SPEAKER_03:I write the- I'm just saying that if I had written that joke, and then I was like, I should base a whole movie around this joke, I would have to think twice about my uh my instincts. You know what I mean? Because the payoff is not worth it.
SPEAKER_01:Well, that's the the whole thing is if that scene in the teradactalness was incredible, then you'd have been like, oh, this this is a payoff for everything.
SPEAKER_03:Sure. But it's not one of the worst scenes in the whole movie. It's not good at all. So you wrote you write backwards and it didn't work out.
SPEAKER_01:Actually, there's one good joke in there.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, there is.
SPEAKER_03:All right. Well, we'll get there. Hold on to your pants, everybody. We'll get there in about an hour and a half.
SPEAKER_01:All right, so she says, let's go test it. They drive to the desert. Here's this fireworks stand, water stand, cave stand. Danny McBride runs it. It's kind of a dark ride, I guess, but I don't know. He also runs a gift store. He makes the weird booby joke, whatever.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, he does.
SPEAKER_01:Uh they do a whole thing about spending$30. They unhe unveils like the casino he wants to build there, where there's two towers, and he'll live with his wife in this one until she disses him, and then he'll live in the other one.
SPEAKER_03:And you're like, she will live in the other one as a slave and prisoner. That's a direct quote. This is insane work as a character introduction. Even in 2009, this is this is way too much. This is an unlikable character to like the millionth degree.
SPEAKER_01:Well, this is how this is how we write Danny McBride's character. He goes to the land of loss, he becomes a slave lord.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I mean, yeah, that would make sense. He, I mean, which is basically who he plays in uh what? This is the end when he's got Shannon Tatum on a fucking rope.
SPEAKER_01:He's the best part of that whole movie. I mean, you're right. I agree with that 100%. Everything he says in that movie is beyond hilarious.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:He but then again, he's introduced halfway through the movie.
SPEAKER_03:Right. So, and I think I I think we've talked about this. This is the end, is like the exact right amount of Danny McBride for me. Like perfect. You can't have him from A to Z. It's too much Danny McBride. But if you can pepper him in, he's a nice accent for sure.
SPEAKER_01:He's he, you know, and he can play he can play a despicable person that you want to have come back on screen.
SPEAKER_03:100%. 100%.
SPEAKER_01:That's a that's a hard thing to do.
SPEAKER_03:It's a hard thing to do, but this is this is a tough start. This is this is like you're really testing my patience with the beginning of this character.
SPEAKER_01:Well, more importantly, he sets up this casino thing, and you're just like, eh, this is forgotten. This is now.
SPEAKER_03:Well, sure, because it's doesn't make any sense. How is he gonna get all that money to make a casino?
SPEAKER_01:Well, he has to want money. He has to be like gold. You have to do that. Sure, yeah, he should be like a treasure. Yeah. He has one very funny joke that's very rude later on. Okay. Alright. Okay, they go into the cave on the thing, boom, there's a slea stack uh thing because there's a hiss, you know, like um pass-down mythologizing of the sleistak. Okay, that's fair. Um, and then the tachyon thing just goes off and the water starts roiling and they go and they go to the land of the lost.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I mean, unfortunately, that is the description of the scene, but it just doesn't make any sense because it's not really they don't really go through a portal, though, Dave. They don't show the portal. Nope, they don't show the portal. Well, because they're going down this river, and then Will Farrell's like, is there a waterfall? And Danny Brad's like, no, this isn't even a real river. Like, this is just a man-made thing.
SPEAKER_01:It's runoff from like a local factory.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden there's a it, there's a waterfall, and then like the top of the cave disappears, and then they go down the waterfalls. What what are you talking about? What are you talking about? This isn't a this isn't how portals work, it just doesn't add land mass, it doesn't make any sense. It's so stupid. And then later they go through a portal. At the end of the movie to come home, they go through a portal that opens in the world. So why don't you do that in the beginning? Why, Dan, explain if you're making a movie, Dan, why would you make your ingress and egress different from your portal? I've got to tell you something, Tony.
SPEAKER_01:All right, yeah, tell me something, Dan. I want to hear it. I believe at the end of the movie they don't even show them going through the portal. I think they're just there.
SPEAKER_03:I think they're just like they do go up next to it and then they have like a conversation. Uh, you might be right. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:I don't think they actually go through the portal. They just like talk about going back.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I don't know. That's dumb. This is dumb.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, boom, here they are. There's a bunch of old stuff in the desert. Viking ship, golden gate bridge, Bob's big boy.
SPEAKER_03:It's not old. Also, the Golden Gate Bridge still around. So I'm a little confused.
SPEAKER_01:Well, it could be like full stop. Well, I mean, there's you said there's three moons, so you know, maybe it's way the future, way not the future, you know, alternative timelines, blah, blah, blah.
SPEAKER_03:There's no expl like their explanation is well, it's the land of the lost, so anything's possible, but that's not quite right. It has to have rules. All right. You have to have rules in your movie.
SPEAKER_01:The the joke you make is this is the land of the lost, so it's all lost things. So they should always be finding keys, always be finding stuff.
SPEAKER_03:Thought. Yeah. I thought things like that, but then there's like big boy is there, and the Golden Gate Bridge. It's like those things still exist. I could I could literally walk, you know. Well, it would be a lot. I could drive 30 minutes and I can get to the big boy site.
SPEAKER_01:They should fly well, it's just a big boy. They there's five or those, there's hundreds of those. Is there hundreds? Big boys? I only know of two. I mean, I I I know I know multiple people that own big boys. Wow, Dan, that's a flex.
SPEAKER_03:Look at this guy over here. Yeah, I know, I know entrepreneurs. Yeah, they just have them in their houses. Wait, their houses? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:They take up a lot of space.
SPEAKER_01:Huge? There's there's different there's different size ones.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_01:Because the whole obviously is like really big. It takes up a whole corner.
SPEAKER_04:Like it's worth it, though. It's cool. That's a cool visual.
SPEAKER_01:And and the big boy's eyes are incorrectly painted, by the way. It's a bad big boy. I was not interested in that.
SPEAKER_03:Interesting. Re uh, maybe that's why it's lost. Is there like a myth about a bad uh bad boy? That's not the right thing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, they should they should have had Amelia Earhart's play in there. They should have had things that are lost. It disappeared, yeah. You know, but part of the Titanic, you know, okay.
SPEAKER_03:But they didn't, they just have regular things, just some stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, stuff that you can matte paint or make or whatever.
SPEAKER_03:Whatever's easiest to make in the in our little workshop here.
SPEAKER_01:So we set up that the past, the present have are mashed together here. Here we see two primates or two chakas, whatever they're called. I don't remember what they're called.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I don't yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:And they're gonna be sacrificing chaka on a thing for a reason that is unknowable.
SPEAKER_03:Totally, totally unknowable. Yeah, it's like he's something like he pooped in the punch bowl or something like that.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, maybe he did poop in the punch bowl. Something weird like that.
SPEAKER_03:Why are you dragging him to a sacrificial altar covered in runes? It seems very far away from where the town is because it takes them a long time to get back to his village.
SPEAKER_01:Um I don't know. This was the first sort of funny thing is uh Daniel McBright's character Will says, Oh, this is this is one of the things I've always wanted to have, you know, uh, Bigfoot. And then he puts his hand in his pants, and the implication is that he's going to masturbate to seeing Bigfoot. It's a it's a good joke, but you can't you gotta really go you gotta go all the way. You can't half ass it. You can't just sort of say I'm kind of doing this.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Because then they just drop it. Yeah, it's just completely drop it.
SPEAKER_01:You didn't masturbate, it's over.
SPEAKER_03:No, yeah, it's over. And then he gets up and is the one that goes and talks to them. And I was like, nope, nope, you you totally you dropped your own pit. Like I I assume they were like, This is too much. This is all too much. That was probably improvised. Danny would probably just. Just like I think I'm just gonna jerk off at this part of the movie. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:It could have been very funny. Uh Will Farrell goes over there, confronts them with a different lighter. I think it's a different lighter, isn't it? It is a different lighter. He gets hot, he drops it, they steal the lighter and leave, and then we make a point of oh, we've given them fire. And you're like But nobody really cared.
SPEAKER_03:We're not gonna ever deal with that again. Yep, nobody cared. They're not gonna bring it back later. It didn't affect anything in the world. It's fine. Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_01:Uh they make friends with Chaka, sort of. Then they fall in a hole. Chaka's trying to feel up Holly. I think he's trying to grab Rick's nuts. I don't I'm not sure about that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, when he goes over and he's like worshiping him, and then yeah, he's definitely he's got his hand right on his package. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then he steals his wallet for no reason, and it doesn't mean anything, and it doesn't matter. Yep, correct. They get grabbed by a tree that sends these four vines down to pick them up to a certain thing and hold them, and then they're trying to get out by swinging back and forth, and then here comes the T-Rex, Grumpy, and he tries to bite them, but instead just bites the vines so that they can get out and run away.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. What? It doesn't make any sense. None of that makes any sense. First of all, and also that he's like, this is a feeding ground because there's a bunch of skeletons underneath. So are we led to believe that this is the T-Rex's feeding ground? Because then why would the T-Rex eat the tree and break his tree that he somehow grew to trap things? That's a whole nother thing we'd have to talk about at some point. How is the how is the tree getting anything out of this situation? I don't I don't know. Why is I don't this soap banana? It doesn't make any sense. I got this makes any sense.
SPEAKER_01:It'll be this tree with one branch that sends out vines that grab people. Like, huh? It doesn't make any sense. Why?
SPEAKER_03:For what? I don't understand. What's the tree get out of it?
SPEAKER_01:For what for why is uh what we have to do?
SPEAKER_03:That also like why do we go through this whole thing of making them do the swinging and then it just doesn't work?
SPEAKER_01:No, you have to they have to do the swinging, then they have to cling, and then one person has let's go, and you know, you gotta you gotta do a whole bit with it, but they don't even do a bit with it. You're like no, I don't understand.
SPEAKER_03:I don't understand it either. There's a lot of things like that in this movie.
SPEAKER_01:They run, and then in the middle of running, they're like, Holly's like, I gotta take a picture of this, and okay, you hold it, hold it, oh, hold like I do like this part did make me chuckle.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, okay. Because no, no, no, hold the hold the hold the phone. I'm not saying they did a good job. One, they are so far ahead of the dinosaur, it doesn't make any sense. In this movie, dinosaurs seem very slow sometimes. Well, they run very fast, but they're incredibly slow. Super slow, very confusing. I don't know, maybe that's the past-present thing coming up. I don't know. Uh, but I think it's funny because they they have the right idea where Danny McBride is doing this reluctantly. He's letting them take a picture. He's like, we gotta go, the thing's coming, we gotta go, we gotta go. And she does the countdown. Three, two, one, and then he poses. The pose is very funny because he has to be panic, panic, panic, and pose, and we gotta go. That's funny. It took like four minutes for that bit to happen. Nineteen dinosaurs converged on them and tore them apart in the time that they got this picture of. It doesn't make any sense. If you do that bit in real time where they're running, where they're like, we gotta stop. He's like, Why are we stopping? We gotta take. Why are you talking about three, two, one, click, pose, and then they run. That's funny. It has to be quick, though, because they're on the run, Dan. They're on the run and they stop and they take a picnic break.
SPEAKER_01:It doesn't make any sense. Everybody does.
SPEAKER_03:Everybody does. And it's this is not the only time they do this in the movie. Like, there's multiple times in the middle of a chase or an action scene where they're just like, let's stop the action entirely, put the brakes on, and let's just chill a little bit. It's not right. You gotta keep going, you gotta keep the energy up. Come on.
SPEAKER_01:Because they lose you lose all energy at that point.
SPEAKER_03:And you're just like, You lose the momentum, you lose me giving a shit about anything.
SPEAKER_01:Chaka crosses this one stone bridge and he tries to destroy the bridge so they can't get across, they get across. Now we're we set up this whole thing where Will Farrell says that the dinosaur has the brain the size of a walnut, which is a thing that we were taught when we were kids. 100%.
SPEAKER_03:Um But don't you think that somebody who studies dinosaurs maybe would have learned more? But he's an idiot.
SPEAKER_01:Is he? Because I've been told he's the smartest man alive. Eventually they get to a cave. Cave is going to be base camp. The dinosaur can't get in there, so the dinosaur leaves. Later, the dinosaur throws.
SPEAKER_03:They almost do a bit, Dan. They almost do a bit here that I really like. It's the the three of them in the cave, the T-Rex's head is in it, and Danny McBride is is like, he is he's following, he's looking right at you, man. And Will's like, no, I think he's looking at everybody. There needs to be like a moment where like Will moves and the T-Rex just like fucking follows him around. They're like, nah, he's he's looking right at you.
SPEAKER_01:But they just drop it. Yeah. There's a bit weird. There's a great bit there, you know. The two of the other, you know, Danny McBride goes over there and he's like, hey, you know, like, yeah, like, hello, hello, and don't give a shit.
SPEAKER_03:All he cares about will. Yeah, there's a bit there, and they just were like, nah, we'll do something stupid later instead.
SPEAKER_01:Well, they and they you wrote yourself the line. That's what I'm gonna say. They set up the bit, and then they don't do the bit. Who does that? Why would you do that? So this is their base camp, they hear music, they go in the other room, there's some other explorers from I think World War II, they have a Victrola, they're dead, they're just skeletons, and then Chaka's like dancing to the music. And he does like a humping thing.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know what's going on with that.
SPEAKER_01:Um they do we continue, we do some more bits where Rick doesn't want Chaka in the cave. I don't care. And then this is this is when we do the whole pooped in the well thing. Okay. Yeah. The dinosaur then throws something at them, they look at it, it's a giant walnut. And that's the proof that he has a big brain.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Did that ever come did him having a big brain ever come into play in the movie?
SPEAKER_03:Not in like a direct way, but to the point where he seems to understand English, which is crazy. That's true. Um, and he is able to like have anger towards Will. Like, he's cognitive enough where he's like, I'm mad at you, and that's why I'm trying to eat you. I don't care, I don't generally eat people, I don't care about people, they don't taste that good, but I'm gonna eat you because I don't like you. So in that way, he has a big brain.
SPEAKER_01:So the whole thing should have been about Will Farrell apologizing to him. 100%, yes.
SPEAKER_03:That's without a doubt. That's the thing you're setting up. At the bridge, uh Will Farrell's making fun of him. He's like, he's got the si the brain the size of a walnut, and then the T-Rex freezes, turns around, and is listening to him. Like he's understanding he's being made fun of. He was gonna leave. Their relationship needs to be, but they do a poop joke instead, which I'm sure you just loved to death, Dan.
SPEAKER_01:It's the best joke in the whole movie. I knew it. I knew it. It was not the best joke in the whole movie. I didn't I didn't like it. I did not care for it. Okay, where are we at? Okay, rib-ba-bah-ba-bah. Rick's making video, talks about eating chaka, does a whole iron chef bit that just it's so bad.
SPEAKER_04:Dud, just a dud.
SPEAKER_01:You know, like I always say if you do something funny, it it can last outlast the the the what it's talking about. If it's funny. Not this.
SPEAKER_03:No, no, it did not work.
SPEAKER_01:They have food, he opens the food, and out come all these spiders. But it doesn't mean anything.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and I don't uh yeah, it wasn't like he was tricking them or anything. I don't know. I didn't get it.
SPEAKER_01:Didn't make any sense. It was a it was a good visual, but it didn't mean anything, and it wasn't funny.
SPEAKER_03:But but Chaka just like eats one. So he's like, he's generally trying to help. So is this what they end up eating later? Because they have to have eaten, because it's been days, and we don't really talk about it other than the joke when they're high.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. Yeah, they should have eaten the walnut, didn't eat the walnut, like whatever. Uh there's a plasma And a lot of walnut, too. Yeah, there's a plasma discharge in the valley, and uh Will Ferrell character hears Enoch say, Help me, please. He runs down there, there's a big crystal, and there's tachyon radiation, a bunch of bats fly out of the thing. Um and they make a Latin Grammys joke, which was funny. Oh, they they they touch up to the the big crystal, and yes, we do a po garder thing where they things. Yeah, and then Danny McBride gets the first joke of the sh like the show. He says, Holly, you should sit on it. Sit on this because it vibrates, yeah. That's right. Dirty. Dirty joke, Danny McCoy. Uh all the slea stacks come out, they're surrounded. What's her name? Uses her belt. There must have been something in the real show where the little girl used her belt for the first five times. I used the belt about four or five times. Yes. Yeah. And she's able to use the belt to beam light off of things unintentionally, which opens up a wheel which they could go through.
SPEAKER_03:So he he sees the light reflecting, and he's like, hang on, hang on. And then he shines it into a one of the three-stack statues. It's a sleestack statue. And then it like creates a bing bing bong bong, and then crystals.
SPEAKER_04:There's no way he would have known that. It's dumb. It's a terrible plot device thing. It's stupid.
SPEAKER_01:And that's opens the pathway. Yes. Um, and it's this huge. Danny Bright about to get another good joke. This huge dimension. There's Enoch on this plane with this thing of crystals. Danny McBride joke. It's like Stoopy's doghouse, because it's bigger on the inside than it's on the outside.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, that's a good joke.
SPEAKER_04:Sure, sure.
SPEAKER_01:And then we meet Enoch, and he has been trapped here by the Zarn, who's another Slea stack, and he wants them to try to help him get out to stop the sleistacks from invading Earth.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Danny writes, we can't Danny Brian says we can't trust Enoch because he's wearing a tunic.
SPEAKER_04:He's wearing a tunic.
SPEAKER_01:You can't trust anybody that wears a tunic. I live by that. Then they're then oh, this is the point. They're in there talking to him, and then the next scene, boom, they're back in the cave.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah. Don't no. Well, you don't want to deal with it too much. Yeah, you don't want to deal too much with it, you know? Just come back to the same set you've been on.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it was weird. Uh Will Farrell has made a uh scale model. This person, whoever directed this movie, must have liked scale models because they do multiple scale models in this movie.
SPEAKER_03:They do. That's true. Yeah. Well, Will says he's an enthusiast. So, yeah, what makes sense?
SPEAKER_01:Danny McBride's character has a scale model.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, even though in this scene he makes fun of Will for making the scale model.
SPEAKER_01:He sets up that they're gonna get a balloon and do a whole thing. Okay. Is this the same scene as the Hadrosaur Urine?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. So that's the first part, and then the second part is like how we're gonna get past the dinosaurs or something.
SPEAKER_01:So Tony, talk about you probably like the Hadrasaur Urine.
SPEAKER_03:I actually did like this bit, but not probably not the way you I only liked Danny McBride's reaction to the whole thing. Like he plays it very well because he's doing this like coy, like I'm I'm pretending to be interested, but we all know that I'm just doing it because I'm making fun of you. And he's like Will's like going on with a plan, yada yada, yada. And he's just like, wait, hold hold on a second, I'm just trying to figure this out. So were you underneath a dino dong with a bucket? Like it's it's funny. The way he does it is very funny, very understated. And then so basically, Will Farrell had has collected urine from a large dinosaur. They ruined the bit by Will enjoying it. Oh, Danny Brad's like, you know, what what was that like? What was that like? And Will's like, it was very it was very relaxing, it's very refreshing. No, no, no, no, no. That's not that's not the joke. Like, the joke is everyone knows it's terrible, it was a horrible experience, but he did it because he's a scientist and he's gotta get this done, and this is his plan. Like, he can't enjoy it because Danny Bride is making fun of him by pretending to be interested. So then you can't have him be like, no, it was yeah, it was lovely. It's fine. Because then Danny's like, oh, okay, cool. I guess we'll just why don't you just tell us it was cool, right? It's like, okay, great. Uh never mind. Uh, this is everything's fine now. Like, it has to have been a horrible experience, and Danny McBride is just making him relive it, the trauma, over and over. I don't know. So they ruined that, but I do like that he puts it on, Will covers himself in urine, and then he does the bit where he's like, put it in your mouth to get it in your bloodstream. That doesn't make any sense. Uh but it's you know, everybody wants to see him drink pee. It's fine. And then he starts it starts hurting, and he's like, maybe this is the part that made me laugh. He's like, maybe a second splash will calm it down.
SPEAKER_02:He's like, Well, that immediately hit me made it worse. But he doesn't even do the made it worse really worse. No, he should be like he should be rolling on the ground in pain.
SPEAKER_03:He should be in like pain. He just he literally it's clearly water, right? Because Will just puts it on, he's like, oh no, it's immediately worse. It's immediately worse than talking about it.
SPEAKER_01:And then what is that the joke Danny McBride has to make is you know what you do with things sting, you know, like you get stung by a jellyfish, you gotta pee on that. So should I pee on you? Will that help? What about if I pee on you?
SPEAKER_03:We gotta add more urine to the situation here.
SPEAKER_01:Maybe maybe human urine will fix that.
SPEAKER_03:Counteract the the the poisons. What is it? What is it? What's in it? Ammonia? Is that what's in pea? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. A lot of that ammonia in there. Yeah, I don't know. I just it's one of those things where I love the idea of this scene. Yeah. And I think we could have made it so much better, and that frustrates me. You have to get there, man. I do like the idea.
SPEAKER_01:They go to the place where all the junk is, uh, and then here comes an ice cream truck falls out of the sky. These little dinos feed on it, then the medium-sized dinos, and then here comes Grumpy, and then this other dinosaur to feed on the ice cream truck.
SPEAKER_03:Dan, this doesn't make any sense. Okay. So the ice cream truck falls out of the sky. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So it falls through one of the portals.
SPEAKER_03:And Danny McBride is about to go to it. Yeah. He's like, oh, I gotta go get some ice cream. And Will Farrell stops him and he's like, Hold on, there's a reason these dinosaurs are hanging out. She was being smart for a second there. But but why but how does he know it's feeding time? Because he's like, Because it's feeding time, and then more dinosaurs came and ate the smaller. I was so confused. Oh, are you trying to tell me that every day at the same time the portal drops food into this spot?
SPEAKER_01:Maybe. That's why they're hanging out here, because the portal.
SPEAKER_03:If this was the beginning of him figuring out the patterns of the portals, yeah, then I'm on board with it. Otherwise, it's just like he has random knowledge that he doesn't need to have. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of smart just knowing that the dinos are going to be the place where stuff stuff throws through the portals. Yeah, that makes sense.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So now we do a whole dinosaur chase scene. Uh Will Farrell does the serpentine joke, which I don't think you can do that joke, right? What do you mean? Why can't you do it? Well, because that's like uh that's an Alan Arkin. That's like other people have done that joke.
SPEAKER_03:Uh oh, I see. Who's Alan Arkin? I'm kidding. Um yeah, I guess that's true. I mean, I guess if if it's been done a butt, it doesn't work in this context because he's not doing it very well or right. Um and then he's also still screaming serpentine as he's in the dinosaur's mouth, which is silly. Um so I mean, this is the gator joke, right? Because like the whole thing about like alligators or whatever, if you're getting chased on land, they say that you're supposed to go serpentine, right? Yeah. But is that even true? I don't even know if that's really true. I don't know. I don't want to be in that situation where I have to find out. I'll tell you that. Just feels like somebody else's joke to me. Oh, I I'm I'm with you 100%. I'm sure. I'm sure it's been done a bunch of times.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, he has to act like a mannequin, he hides in a Hummer, goes back to the ice cream pile pile, finds a nitrogen tank, they use the catapult, they shoot it at the dinosaur, the dinosaur freezes, then the dinosaur explodes, and then there's a tachyon meter, it was inside the dyno, but a pterodactylus comes and picks it up and carries it away.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, do we want to talk about the the freezing of the dinosaur at all, or should we just move past it? What? How does it happen so fast? It doesn't eat the tube. So you're telling me that its digestion happens so fast?
SPEAKER_01:What they uh okay, let me let me redo the bit. Please, please tell me. Here comes the dinosaur, here comes the dinosaur, right? He's like, you know, Will Farrell's back there. He's like, hold, hold, hold. And then he goes like this. He goes because that's classic joke. Is that a classic joke? The hold, yeah, just the holding, right?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, keep going.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. He then cranks the top of the nitrogen, it starts going fire. Now boom. And you hear that noise. That noise as it goes. Because we're thinking, I know what I'm thinking, I'm thinking Jaws.
SPEAKER_04:Yes. So I'm like That is correct.
SPEAKER_01:You know, what or what you could have done, this would have been very funny. You shoot the one, right? It's in his mouth, bonk, and he's like, uh he gets stuck. Then he's like, crank it down again, and then he's like trying to find a rock, and then he fires a rock at it, the rock makes it explode.
SPEAKER_03:There you go. Yeah, then it's an homage.
SPEAKER_01:But it didn't, there was no tension to the whole thing at all.
SPEAKER_03:Well, yeah, no, of course not. There's no tension in this movie. But also it just it just doesn't make any sense that that means that the digestive tract of this dinosaur, the acid is so strong that it ate through that metal within seconds. That wouldn't eat through that metal within that. Which doesn't make sense because later Will Tara gets eaten and then pooped out whole by a dinosaur. So these two things can't happen in the same movie. I'm sorry. I know it's a comedy, I know it's silly, but there are rules. You have to have rules. Anyhow, it's just chaos, it's absolute chaos. This movie doesn't make any sense.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, the what it should have been at the end, instead of eating him, he should have carried him off.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, like oh, he's gonna go eat him.
SPEAKER_01:Because it's like in um, whatchamacallit, in Scott Pilgrim. Scott Pilgrim and his evil twin, like go off and then they come back, and they're like, Yeah, we had a talk. It's all we talked it out. I apologized. I am in the and and we'll that's the thing. Will Farrell can act. That's what's so annoying about this movie. He can act.
SPEAKER_03:We've seen 100%.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, but a couple times. You want to talk about Rick giving up and putting his hand in his pants?
SPEAKER_03:No, because the movie also doesn't want to talk about it. This is it's two scenes back to back that don't even need to be in the fucking movie, right? Like, I understand beat-wise, if we're going by this them Sid Field books. Like, this is the point where the hero Whoa, hello? Was I just here myself? Oh, it's okay.
SPEAKER_01:I just uh my uh headphones unhooked.
SPEAKER_03:You unhooked your headphones, I was like, I'm here to echo, echo, echo. Stop yelling at me. So if we're going through them Sid Field books, right? This is the point of the script. Wait, bust, let's bust out our Sid Field books, kids. Yeah, yeah. If we're going through that, this is like the turn where you have to have him give up and then he has to make his way back for act three. That's a very real thing that happens in a script, right? Like that is a point in a script that when you pitch it, you can point to, right? Yeah. So they just they were like, well, we gotta have it in there. But we don't really want to do it. So we'll just have two scenes back to back where he quits and then doesn't quit. And it is absolute nonsense. Um yeah. Yeah, I haven't got nothing. It was dumb. It was so stupid.
SPEAKER_01:It was terrible. At night they get attacked by bugs. Oh, we'll do that in a second.
SPEAKER_04:Just yeah, just one bug, really.
SPEAKER_01:We we set up that uh that Dan McBride's had a six-year dry spell. Chaka sets up that there's very ugly women, but he gets like 7,000 of them or something. Yeah, yeah. Just just a dumb number. Uh Will Farrell comes back playing the banjo, and I he gave up on giving up. We see a mosquito go in his neck, it goes brp, and they're all like, uh, and then he he leans over, he then he's turning white, and he leans over, and there's a gigantic mosquito on his back that has a gigantic thing of blood. He falls backward, kills the mosquito, and uh should have died.
SPEAKER_03:And then he's fine when he wakes up. So that makes sense.
SPEAKER_01:He's not fine. He has fine.
SPEAKER_03:He's got full welt on his back. That was so funny. But he's fine. Like, I know he's fine. Yes, he has a welt. Have you ever had a mosquito bite, Dan? Those things itch like hell, and it's tiny. Like he should be writhing in pain right now. Like, it's insane what's happening.
SPEAKER_01:There's a bunch of funny, but also he's sorry. There's a bunch of funny bits you can run with that where he's like, could you scratch my back? And then Danny McBride goes back to him. He's all like, oh I don't I don't think you want to scratch that.
SPEAKER_03:Nope, just to the left a little, just to the left. I feel something. Yeah. It's just I'll pet it carefully. Instead, they they just want a visual gag and then again never deal with it, which is fine. Yeah. Um, my problem is like he's just totally recovered from the blood loss. This dude needs a transfusion with how much blood you just took from him. Uh, this is not how bodies work, I don't think.
SPEAKER_01:Uh he gives a speech about the arduous climate's ahead. They do the climb, he's the one that can't do it. Whatever. Uh they hear the music, it's the course line's playing, they get up there, they see the eggs. There's all these eggs on little pedestals.
SPEAKER_03:I can't wait for this joke that you liked, Dan. I'm on pins and needles.
SPEAKER_01:And then at the back is the thing and it's going. And then Will Farrell's Bill Farrell's like, someone's gotta go, and then Danny McBride fakes sleeping, Chaka fakes sleeping.
SPEAKER_03:That's funny, actually. It's kind of funny. Um, it's funny is I know you're faking. I know you're faking. And then they just they drop it again. But that's fine.
SPEAKER_01:No, no, Danny McBride's like, oh, you're going. He acts like he's waking up.
SPEAKER_03:He's like, he's like, I'm awake now, I'll do it. Oh, you're doing it? Okay, good.
SPEAKER_01:Um, and then we set up that he's gotta maneuver through there, and if even a drop of sweat touches the eggs, they will be activated and hatch. How much and then he just sort of walks through there and just thing, and then the song turns off, and then that's what activates them. And then they hatch. Yep. And then they all have to sing the song to put them back to sleep.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, is this the joke you like, Dan?
SPEAKER_01:Uh, when Chaka sings the last line.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, which yeah, yeah, sure. What he sings in English.
SPEAKER_01:He then needs to speak English for the rest of the movie. A hundred percent.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. Because uh it doesn't make any sense. But you know, that was funny. That was funny.
SPEAKER_01:But the whole setting up of the sweat is the activator, and then they don't do that at all.
SPEAKER_03:Don't do any sweat. I mean, that's it's a great time for some like Mission Impossible jokes where he has to catch his sweat, you know, something stupid. Or just don't do it, just don't set it up, take two minutes out of your script, because this movie's bloated. We could cut a bunch of it. Just take that part out, just have him have to maneuver through as if he can't touch him. Like, that's fine.
SPEAKER_01:So, since they were so successful, they go and have a pool party at the motel. Chaka brings in this weird fruit drink that is a narcotic, um, and then they all get stoned, and then Holly decides to turn on the tachyon thing while they're all stoned.
SPEAKER_03:All by herself, walks away. This doesn't make any sense.
SPEAKER_01:Opens up a portal, goes into a giant a cave with giant crystals, finds sleestack eggs, and sees the the that Zarn is a projection and isn't real, and that so now we know that Enoch is the bad guy, um, and Holly gets grabbed.
SPEAKER_03:Now, we did miss my favorite joke of the movie.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, the boys are still back there. Yes, here comes this giant crab, it falls into a hot spring and then shoots out his parts for giving them something to get out.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, it's great.
SPEAKER_01:Uh, have that what do you want to say about what happens with them? It's a whole weird thing.
SPEAKER_03:This is my favorite scene of the movie, Danny. It's so weird. They're sitting here high, right? They're high slash drunk, you know, however you want to look at it. Yeah, and they're eating this giant crab, and they're just like talking about how much they love each other. And Danny McBride is like, how much would I have to pay you to to make out? And I was like, this it's so out of left field. I love it. And Will's like, it if it doesn't leave, if if it doesn't leave the three of us, I'll do it right now for free. I was just like, what is happening right now? But then they ruin it again by not doing it. They sort of do a thing in the distance, and you can't really tell what's in the distance, and then you hear Will's Will's character be like, I don't want to do it, I changed my mind. No, nope, nope, it's gotta be this weird. We need to watch you make out with this monkey, dude. Like it's fur in your mouth, full on make. I was so mad when they didn't pay this up. Like, why do you have this in the movie then? It's a four-minute scene of him talk trying to talk you into making out, and you don't do it. Shame on you. You gotta follow through.
SPEAKER_01:It has to go somewhere, it didn't even go anywhere.
SPEAKER_03:It went nowhere, it went absolute nowhere, and then we're just into the next scene. And then they wake up disappointing and they're all sort of spooned into each other like they're giving each other blowjobs or something. Yeah, Danny and Chaka are like 69, which is you know, that's funny. Although, like there was I I think in the edit there was a joke here because if you watch carefully, yeah, Danny McBride's eyes open, and then he realizes he's looking at Chakra's dick, and he kind of does this like look around thing. I was like, there I'm I'm almost positive there's a moment after that in on the cutting room floor. He said it's like some sort of a joke for sure. Uh, which probably should be in the movie. But also, I wanted to know what they were eating because obviously they weren't eating an actual giant crab, right? So, like, what were they eating that should be strewn around them and it should be gross or funny?
SPEAKER_01:But they were eating a giant crab. Oh, you think it was a giant crab?
SPEAKER_03:I think it's a hallucination. I think it's real. Oh, interesting. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:That'd be very that'd be very funny, though.
SPEAKER_03:I thought it was gonna be a bait and switch.
SPEAKER_01:I thought we were eating a giant crab. Right. Oh, what is this? You know, it's like many. Is it American?
SPEAKER_03:I don't know what it is, but yeah, it has to be something. Yeah. Uh if it's a real crab, then that's dumber than I thought. I don't like it anymore.
SPEAKER_01:So the boys wake up, they follow Holly's path, they see two guards, but they're not guards, they're two slee stacks getting on. At the end, this so Danny's sitting there, I like this thing. He's like, Oh, we're getting our own private show.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, he's he's dirty. He's he's very dirty. I like him.
SPEAKER_01:They shed their skins, so they put on the shedding and are able to go sneak out to where where Enoch is bringing together his uh his army.
SPEAKER_03:Any jokes about how it feels to put on their skin? Really? I expected something gross from Danny McBride in this moment of how it feels to put on their slimy skin.
SPEAKER_01:That's I was disappointed. So they go out there, we find out now everybody knows Enox the bad guy. Um Holly's in a cage that they're gonna lower into the volcano?
SPEAKER_03:I don't know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Uh he jumps up there to save Holly. Swing, jump, swing. They get a big kiss, and you're like, wait a second. Is that is there her is this has he acted romantic towards her even once?
SPEAKER_03:No, he is not. But that's how that's how much of a genius her his brain is so sexy that he doesn't need to be charming at all. That's what's great about it. Um here's my problem, Dan, is that all of the slea stacks just kind of fall into the lava pit in this scene. There's like 10 of them around watching this thing go down, and he's just swinging back and forth, and they are just kind of falling into the lava, and then they're all gone and they won. That doesn't make any sense.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I think isn't what's his name coming?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. Enoch's on the way because they got they sent Enoch out to get him.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah, they sent us Enoch is on his way. Um And then this is when the invasion force shows up, and then he we get one good line in the whole movie explanation line, and he says, I'm gonna send these, you know, 50, 70, 500 sleesacks through. They breed so quickly they'll take over the world. I'm like, okay, yeah. That's a good line since you don't actually have an army. Right.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. That's true.
SPEAKER_01:Um, Grumpy comes back, and then he just starts killing, he kills all the slea stacks, and then Will Farrell tries to flight him and has a bag of fireworks. That was a funny line. Danny McBride gives him a bag of fireworks and says, I got this. Here's this bag of fireworks that I brought with me. And he's like, This whole time you've had a bag of fireworks and you have a we could have used these so many times. Yeah. Uh Will apologizes, follow you into battle.
SPEAKER_03:He picks up the staff. I so I like this bit, yeah, but I just I need it, it needed to be fine-tuned a little bit. The whole like I'll follow you into battle anytime. He's like, Well, how about now? It's like, well, I didn't expect you to ask for that favor so quickly. Too soon. So this for this for this one, I'm gonna have to say no. Like, that's a it's funny. I it needed to be like tightened a little bit, but it's a funny, it's a funny bit. Danny McBride can be funny, guys.
SPEAKER_04:Like that's just that's just what it is.
SPEAKER_01:Uh he picks up a staff, the staff gets knocked away, tries to roam a candle, it fails, drops the lighter, it gets uh stomped on, he picks up the staff again. Uh, and then we we had this line, it's your own damn vault, which was set at some point. And so he's like, Oh, that's the key. I have to vault over the dinosaur.
SPEAKER_03:But so my question is why? Because he's not trying to escape. He was like he was supposed to be the distraction while the other two ran away. Well, no, there should be some weapon that's going to be effective somewhere. No, I agree with you, but there's not, Dan. Don't add things to this movie. There's nothing on the other side of the dinosaur that helps him in any way in this situation. So this doesn't make any sense. If there was something, this is a fun moment and I really like it, and then he pole vault. Like you can tell what happens, but like there's no reason for him to try to pole vault over the T-Rex. It doesn't make any sense. There is no reason.
SPEAKER_01:So then what happens, Dan? He pole vaults right into the dinosaur's mouth, the dinosaur swallows him and then leaves.
SPEAKER_03:Which is like a funny visual, you know? Yeah, like just directly in his mouth, like not even close. That's great.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, here comes the sleeve stack army. Holly tries to fight them with her belt. Doesn't really work. Danic Bright picks up Chaka to use him as a battering ram.
SPEAKER_03:That doesn't even make sense. Sort doesn't work. But that's fine.
SPEAKER_01:Of course it doesn't work, it doesn't make any sense. And then stupid. Here comes Rick back riding on top of Grumpy, who kills them all.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And we find out that Rick passed through his intestines out his butthole, that's why he smells like shit. And then whilst doing that, he dislodged a bowel obstruction, and then that makes Grumpy's no longer Grumpy, and that means he and Rick are now friends.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. It's so stupid. It's so that's such a convoluted way to solve that relationship. Unnecessary. Um, and so this whole poop thing is they try basically it's the same setup as the P joke earlier, where Danny McBride is like gently prodding Will about the situation because you know they kind of know what happened, and they're like, I'm pretty sure this guy got shit out. And they just they never they just so first of all, they didn't do it right the first time, so then coming into the second one, they're already uh starting on loose ground, but they just don't they just don't stick the landing. Like, that's a very simple bit to play where like we know what happened, you know what happened, but you're lying to us. So we're gonna pretend we don't know what happened, so that you have to face the embarrassment of telling us that you just wrote out a feces shoot. All right, you gotta tell us whatever. And I don't know, they just don't do it, they don't do it right.
SPEAKER_04:That's it.
SPEAKER_03:Just disappointed. I'm not even mad, Dan. Just disappointed.
SPEAKER_01:Just disappointed. So they go inside where Enoch is is in the portal, and then they open a portal back to their place, and then they wrestle Enoch, and stuff happens, and they break a crystal, and the thing's starting to do that. One good line.
SPEAKER_03:There's one good line where Will Farrow goes, I wrestled for that guy goes, yeah, J V. Is that what he said?
SPEAKER_01:I didn't hear that.
SPEAKER_03:That's what he said, and I was like, that's a really stupid line for your alien guy to have, but I liked it.
SPEAKER_04:Very funny.
SPEAKER_01:So they're gonna go through the doorway, uh, and Danny Bright stayed behind.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And they just get back home. And yeah, he stayed behind, and then he goes to their place where where Chaka lives, and the what he considers ugly layers. Oh, what's the best joke of the movie?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, you didn't think this was so he's he's got Chaka on his back. He's giving her a piggyback ride all the way back to his village, basically. They get to the village, and uh a gagle of women are running up the hill, and Danny McBride goes, This is what your women look like? And he throws Chaka off. He's like, Hey, be cool, be cool, be cool, man. It's a great little moment. It's awesome. It was it was wonderful. I loved it.
SPEAKER_01:And then and then the the the the the epilogue is that he goes, Will Farrell's character goes back on Matt Lauer and they fight again.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, great. I'm so glad we hit that again, you know, because we really liked it the first time.
SPEAKER_01:So it's good. Oh dear. Yeah, this movie was hard to watch.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I mean, it's not great, right? Um thank god for Danny McBride, which you know I don't I don't say all the time. Wow, I'm gonna clip that. Listen, he was we both agree he's the best part of the movie. It is what it is, you can't fight it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, he's yeah, he he I don't know that I laughed at any of Will Farr uh Farrell's bits that I can remember. You said that he had one bit at the beginning.
SPEAKER_03:You were like, there's one bit, and then you never talked at all. Oh, the the insect.
SPEAKER_01:The insect. I like that.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, okay. That's not really that's not really his bit.
SPEAKER_01:That's a scripts bit. You're right. Yeah, that's not yeah. That was all in the script.
SPEAKER_03:But yeah, you're right. You're right. That's funny. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Not great. Not great, but you know.
SPEAKER_03:We've seen worse.
SPEAKER_01:At least there were some few things to laugh at. There were a few things to laugh at. And then we'll end to that. Somebody looked pretty good. The C stacks were funny because they were kind of dopey costumes.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, quite on purpose, obviously. Um, but yeah, yeah, no, like the dinos and stuff, they weren't they weren't the worst thing I've ever seen.
unknown:Oh.
SPEAKER_03:Especially for 2009.
SPEAKER_01:2009.
SPEAKER_03:2009.
SPEAKER_01:Now we talk about something we like this week. Uh there's a new first Eddie Murphy documentary. Uh super, super fascinating. Super great.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. Um, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:He never did drugs or alcohol or anything. That's great.
SPEAKER_03:That's I mean that's unfortunate that his career still didn't go as well as he would have hoped.
SPEAKER_01:His career went great. When they when you see the whole thing, he's he's just like, there's ups, there's downs. He he's true. You know, and it's like there's movies that like the Dr. Doolittles and the where the ones where he wears the masks and plays all the characters. They're not for me. But those movies were very popular, they did very well, and he loved doing them. He they do seem fun because you get to just fuck around, do a bunch of different things. Yeah. And there's a lot of things like that that that sort of delve into why he loved those movies because it was a childhood thing. He had a lot of childhood things. When they really talk about like all the doors he opened, you know, that Richard Pryor and the earlier guys couldn't open, it was Eddie Murphy that really just opened, you know, he did the first rom-com with two black leads. You know, they were like, you can't do this. And he's like, Yeah, yeah, I can. I can do this. Yeah, I can.
SPEAKER_03:I think I'm gonna, so let's do it.
SPEAKER_01:You know, and for every sort of dopey comedy, you know, you're like, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_03:To be fair, I love the dopey comedy. So Dr. Doolittle was my childhood. Like, I love Dr. Doolittle. That's great.
SPEAKER_04:Um, but obviously Beverly Hills Cop, one of the one of my favorite movies ever made.
SPEAKER_01:So you know, you got you got 48 hours, Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop. If you've made those three movies in a row, you're like Yeah, unreal. Very few people in their entire lives are very few actors, even the best of the best, had three movies in a row like that.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:It's impossible. Bangers. Absolute bangers. And let's just let's just remind everybody that uh Beverly Hills Comp Axel Foley on Netflix is fantastic, and you should watch it if you didn't watch it.
SPEAKER_01:Um and he talks about his love of ventriloquism.
SPEAKER_03:Is that real?
SPEAKER_01:Did not know that.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. You'll have to watch the movie. I got it. Yeah, I it is on my list. I saw it. I was like, I gotta watch that.
SPEAKER_01:There are some things in this movie that you're just like.
SPEAKER_03:I'm not gonna tell you, but I am gonna spoil it. No spoilers, Dan. We're all very excited.
SPEAKER_01:Only spoilers are my favorite parts of the Ventrocus parts.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:I have to watch it like ASAP. What are you talking about? This sounds great. Uh Eddie Murphy.
SPEAKER_01:What do you got for us, Tony? You've been two weeks. I've been very busy. It's been a long time.
SPEAKER_03:It's been two weeks, but I've been very busy. So here's what I'll say uh Finding Mr. Christmas. I don't know if I talked about that two weeks ago or not, is back. It's the best. We love that show. Um I hope everyone tuned in to Yahoo Finance Invest 2025. Great show. We uh that was Thursday, last Thursday. Um word is we crossed 7 million viewers globally, so that's pretty good for us.
SPEAKER_01:You produced a show that had seven million viewers.
SPEAKER_03:I didn't produce it. I was part of the crew, though. Oh wow. I was one of the DPs. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Who was who was your star?
SPEAKER_03:So our our lead um, our lead host is Brian Sazi. He's our executive editor. And then we have Josh Lipton, uh Allie Canal, Brooke De Palma, Julie's, whose name I hope Julie doesn't watch this because I don't remember Julie's last name. Although uh we had like five or six hosts. Um yeah, no, no, it went really well. Everyone's really happy, had some great guests, had some terrible guests, as you probably as you do when you're talking about finance pros. Um Eric Trump was on the shows.
SPEAKER_01:You got to hang out with Eric Trump? You got to party with him?
SPEAKER_03:No, no, no. He no no, he came in via Zoom and uh not to get political.
SPEAKER_01:Just the at the energy level just shot up. Everyone was just like, this is electric.
SPEAKER_03:That went through the roof, dude. Everyone was so excited.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, we have this really stupid guy on cool.
SPEAKER_03:But yeah, but you know, it was a good show. Everyone seemed really happy. So I hope you all tuned in. Ten hours of financial news. Come on, baby. It's so good.
SPEAKER_01:10 hours. That's a lot of financial news.
SPEAKER_03:Dude, it was a long day. It was a long day. It was great. Um, let's see, what else did I watch? I rewatched Minecraft on the plane. That still kills me. That was fun. Still still cracks me up. There's some really good stuff in that movie. I mean, it's you know, it's stupid, but there's some really good stuff in that movie.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Steve. Chicken jockey or something. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Chicken jockey. Yeah, you nailed it. I remember.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, we need a movie for next week. We need a talk to me. We need a good one.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:All right, yeah. Let's let's let's hit it out of the park. We need a what? A movie with a star.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Concept.
SPEAKER_03:Great.
SPEAKER_01:Paul Walker's timeline.
SPEAKER_03:Yes! Are you is that what we're doing? Sure, why not? Dan, I love it. I'm so excited now. Everybody, everybody join in this next episode. You're gonna love the I haven't seen this movie since high school. My high school girlfriend. I won't say her name. She would she would kill me if she ever found out. My high school girlfriend is obsessed with this movie. You're not allowed to invoke her name? I don't think she wants to be associated. It didn't end well. I was not a great guy. It didn't end super well. Um, so I think she's probably she probably still hates me. And if somebody told her, because we're all still friends, so someone told her that I talked about it. It doesn't matter. Anyone who knows me probably knows who this is. Anyhow, uh, she was obsessed with this movie, dude. She used to watch this movie all the time. She had a real thing for Paul Walker. I mean, so do I. I love Paul Walker. So I've seen this movie 20 times back in like the early 2000s, probably. So get ready, everybody. I haven't seen it in 20 years.
SPEAKER_01:Is this like is this like a classic, like the Emilio Esteves one where they pull him forward in time to harvest his body? Is it something like that?
SPEAKER_03:Repo Men or whatever that is. I don't know if that was no. I don't know if it's quite that good, but it is good. Uh you're gonna I think you're really gonna like it, Dan.
SPEAKER_01:I think I'm really gonna like it.
SPEAKER_03:You got Paul Walker. Let's see, Paul Walker, Gerard Butler. G But. I feel like there's one other dude in it that was like huge at the time, but I don't remember. You're gonna love it. You're gonna love it. I'll do me some G But. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 13% on Rotten Tomatoes Critic Score. I mean, that's really good. What's audience score? 40s?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, 40, 40. It's great. Isn't that half of what this was? Was it Land of the Lost like 46%? Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Land of the Lost, great stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, we'll be back with some Paul Walker next week. If you like the show, give us a thumbs up. Maybe watch some of our old shows, subscribe, leave a comment. Haven't yeah, we had a couple comments on Superman. It was young people, so they I couldn't understand what they were saying. Oh, that young vernacular.
SPEAKER_03:I can't understand it.
SPEAKER_01:It's like they that the chat GPT has uh stopped them. Oh, you get you get yelled at now, Tony. This is what I yell at you. You can't put a goddamn AI promo at the front of our show.
SPEAKER_03:Wait, what did I do?
SPEAKER_01:You put some weird AI thing on the front of one of our shows. Like uh Oh, yeah, I did. Yeah, yeah, the Halloween episode. Yeah, Tony, you can't do that.
SPEAKER_03:You can't do that. We hate AI here. No, no, I love AI. It makes me crack up, man. I'm trying to get in good with the AI so when they take over, they bring me with them, Dan. That's my that's my ultimate gameplay.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, we will have to AI if you're listening.
SPEAKER_03:I'm on your side. I'm on your side, I'm on your side. I will go with the Terminators, alright? Are you kidding me? Unless Linda Hamilton's here, and then in which case I'll just I'll switch. I get Linda Hamilton. Then I'm on the side of the Terminators, alright? That's the only reason I'd be on the side of the humans. You can farm me, it's fine, AI. I don't mind.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not getting in trouble for you putting AI on our thing. Do people get in trouble for that? Yeah, what is their trouble? With their wives. If if she found out, oh, you would be so dead, Tony.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, she's anti-AI? I'm anti-AI. So is Naomi. She she yelled at me, too. I thought it was hilarious.
SPEAKER_01:Who do you think I'm an artist? Whose job does this steal? You like work in tech. They're gonna want to steal your job as soon as possible. Yeah, they're gonna definitely steal our jobs. What do you do?
SPEAKER_03:I mean, what you can't fight it. That's it's gonna happen. We're in the what is it, the fourth industrial revolution right now. You just gotta you gotta ride the wave, baby. Oh, I'm so glad I'm gonna be dead soon. Hey, Dan, you got 20 years left, big guy. You're in real trouble. What a nightmare. More than that. That would you know what? That was too short. You got 40 years left. Not a chance in hell. I think you're hitting triple dig. I really do.
SPEAKER_01:101, baby.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, I'm gonna go have lunch because it's very late. I'm gonna turn all of our intros into AI now. You better not. I'm gonna do it right now. Oh, I've got a fixed right now. It's gonna be great. You're gonna love it. My face in there. Bah I first of all, I would love that. I think I think that would enhance the AI by 10%. You know, it's gonna be great. All right, no more AI, it's fine. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye, everybody.