Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Little Evil: Little Evil, Big Opinions
What happens when a sharp horror-comedy premise gets tripped up by soggy jokes and TV-flat reactions? We dig into Little Evil with a filmmaker’s eye and a comic’s ear, mapping the moments that could have soared if the setups, POV, and character logic actually aligned. From the tornado wedding and the defensive videographer to the CPS visit with Sally Field and the clown-on-fire gag, we point to where the movie almost clicks—and how a few simple escalations could have turned “heh” into real laughs.
We talk casting and cadence—why Adam Scott feels stuck between unaffected snark and sincere guardian, and why Evangeline Lilly’s character needs true naivete or sharper subversion to sell the cult backstory. We break down the stepdad circle, the missing runners, and the squandered improv energy, highlighting the rare lines that do land because they come from a clear scene location and status game. Then we tackle the water park turn: why comedy needs agency over skywriting, how competing “signs” would heighten indecision into a great gag, and why the story works best once the promise to protect the kid becomes the emotional north star.
The finale shows the movie that could have been: a tighter cult showdown, a sincere bond, and a couple of truly funny beats when everyone finally knows where they are in the scene. Along the way, we offer craft fixes—repetition, heightening, physical business that breathes, and jokes that emerge from character instead of references. We wrap with quick recs: the baffling IT prequel pilot, dirt-under-the-nails seventies thriller When a Stranger Calls, and the confidently directed Weapons. Hit play, debate with us, and tell us your rewrite for the water park scene. If you had one change to make Little Evil sing, what would it be? Subscribe, drop a comment, and share your best punch-up.
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They can shut down the government, but they can't shut you down, Tommy.
SPEAKER_02:You can't can't shut me down, baby. Oh, this government. I'm flying on Friday, and I really need them to open the government before I fly. Because I don't feel super comfortable with it.
SPEAKER_04:Oh man. You gotta you're gonna take one for the team? You're gonna go down to Blaze of Glory?
SPEAKER_02:I well, I'm bringing my wife, so I really hope not. Because if it's a if it's the daily twofer, I'm gonna be real upset about it.
SPEAKER_04:I'll miss you both.
SPEAKER_03:Hey, watching with Dan's Tony.
SPEAKER_04:Welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony. I am Dan. I am Tony.
SPEAKER_02:This might be our final show. No, this might be my final show. I'm sure Dan will replace me after I am dead. It's okay. I give you my full blessing.
SPEAKER_04:Tony, the amount of free work you do on this show, you're irreplaceable.
SPEAKER_02:Well, that's probably true. You're absolutely right. Yeah, Tony has to take a pleasure. Tony has to take a flight in about a week. I gotta fly on Friday, so just honestly check the obituaries two days after this episode drops and see if my name's in there. Who knows? Not feeling great about it. Unless, you know, Monday comes around and they're like, hey, let's open the government. Let's give the people what they want. Maybe I'm alright with it.
SPEAKER_05:Maybe they should uh pay people and maybe, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Let's go. Just give them the money.
SPEAKER_05:Open the government. But we'll see.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Or just to airport people. You know, not to play favorites, but just maybe pay them for the week. Just for me. Just for Tommy. Just for me. Thanks, guys.
SPEAKER_04:Normally on this show, we talk about movies. And so that's what we're normally gonna do.
SPEAKER_02:Is this a normal time? I feel like we're heading towards normal times. We're heading towards normal times. I do not think we're heading towards normal times. Well, not in the general sense, but you and me maybe.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, it's possible. Um so each week we pick a movie, or in this case, I pick a movie, uh, and then we talk about it. The movie I picked is a movie from 2017 called Little Evil, which is kind of a omen the omen parody. Yeah, omen-y.
SPEAKER_02:I believe that's how we you know-esque. Yeah, omen-esque. Um pretty good. I don't know, I don't know how Dan feels about it. I had a good time. You laughed? Yeah, I laughed a couple times. I wrote it down. I wrote down. Oh, I didn't pull up my notes yet. I just, Dan, I just pointed at an empty computer screen. I was like, I put my notes in. There's nothing there. I gotta pull up some notes. Shoot.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, it you know, is I mean, this isn't a good movie, of course. No, I didn't say that. I didn't say that. You know, should the filmmakers the filmmaker, well, Sally Field's kid should have what?
SPEAKER_02:Is that true? Yeah, of course it's true. I didn't even let you finish a thought. I'm sorry. I was so shocked by your revelation. Uh finish your thought.
SPEAKER_04:Sally Fields Kid should probably be allowed to direct again, but probably shouldn't be allowed to write a movie again.
SPEAKER_02:But uh it's okay if it like if if they they, I don't know, was it a um it doesn't matter. If if they come up with the idea and then just like let someone else write the words. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I as a general idea of a movie, I think it's fun, right? I think it's totally fine, you know. The ending actually works. Yeah. 100%. Yeah, yeah. It's not like you think you're going one way for a while, and they're like, nah, we'll just make it cute. It's a very it's fine.
SPEAKER_04:It's a it's like a it's like a really easy curve twist.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. Exactly.
SPEAKER_04:Here's the twist. We'll just drive through that curve and we'll see it.
SPEAKER_02:Just slowly take it at your own leisure.
SPEAKER_04:It's fine. I love it. You're you're not you're you you're not necessarily surprised, but you're like, okay, that's a clever turn.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and you know what, it's nice, it's pleasant, it's fine. It's pleasant. Um now, if the things that people were saying felt the same, I'd be like, I like this movie. What do you mean? If what are the things that people are saying? Like if the words, like if the words that these actors were saying felt real or made sense in any sort of way, I think I'd I think I'd enjoy the movie.
SPEAKER_04:You mean if maybe they hired stand-up comics to to do a bunch of lines and then made them do the lights as on the page. This is what I think.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Oh, oh, please tell me. Yeah, yeah, I want to hear what you think.
SPEAKER_04:Well, there's there's there's there's two schools of thought. We're we're the only two people that are gonna ever have these two schools of thought, but we're gonna present two schools of thought on this movie. One, right, hire a bunch of stand-up comics, some of whom I think might be funny, but then absolutely have them stick to a to a script that's not that funny.
SPEAKER_02:Right, because if you hire funny people and then you who are not funny write the lines, that nothing's gonna change, right? Like that yeah. That's one school thought.
SPEAKER_04:The other school thought it's the second school. You hired a bunch of stand-up comics, and then you let them riff, you know, when they were supposed to be being funny, and then you just picked all the wrong stuff. Sure. Sure. Or the or the stand-up slash or the stand-up comics aren't funny at all. Or that's a third school thought. The stand-up comics are not funny at all.
SPEAKER_02:I refuse to believe that entirely. However, I do think it's a mixed bag with the the stepdads. I think there are some people that I do genuinely think are funny, and then there are some people that I don't think are funny. So I do think it's a mix in that area. Um it doesn't work.
SPEAKER_04:Did you ever feel like any of the stepdads had bit so none of the stepdads' bits like really worked?
SPEAKER_02:No, so and this that starts in their circle, right? Yeah. So in the the sharing circle, I do feel like they were, I don't, I mean, I don't know, but like maybe they were allowed to come up with their own bits. So I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:You think maybe those ones were in the in the first bits with the stepdads, they came up with them.
SPEAKER_02:My I my my gut feeling is no. But where so the in the two schools of thought, right? I lean in the first one where it's like they were given these lines because they're not funny. There is a moment that is funny, which is just when the scrubs guy Donald Faison, who seems like seems like he might be the actual funnier guy of the group. He's so uh should we just we could rank we should we should have ranked them. I would have loved that. Um, so he gives his spiel, and then the abuser, what was his name again? Um, the guy that got canceled for a while, got cut out of Crystalia. Yeah, yeah, that guy, the bad guy. He gives like his thing, and immediately Fayezan goes, and I stand corrected. That's a very funny moment. I doubt that was scripted. Like, you know what I mean? Like the lines of like, this is what my kid does, this is what my kid does, those aren't funny at all. But he has that moment where he reacts to his thing, and that's funny. And that's what we need more. We just need more of them like being a little playful with each other. That's one line that stepdads made me laugh, and then the very last line I remember from any stepdad made me laugh. Those are the two lines that made me laugh, which we'll talk about at the end. Um, it's just it was an interest, it was interesting to see this group of people because when you see it, you're kind of like, oh shit, okay. I think we've got some firepower. Right exactly. Like we've got some people in this group that could do something.
SPEAKER_04:Because the woman that plays, what's her name? Al.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yep.
SPEAKER_04:She's like real. She's, you know, for sure. For sure movies.
SPEAKER_02:100%. Um one of my favorite actors is in the group, uh, who I'm gonna shout out at the end of this show as well. But his name is Kyle, what is it, Bornheimer? Uh, I love him. I think that uh he deserves more in his life, and you know, things don't always work out. Um he plays the dad with the glasses. He's like the nerdier, kind of the nerdier, but also kind of blocky.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, blocky is a great term for he felt like there could there's something going on there. You know, he kind of starts something, and you're all like, well, there seems to be something behind this, and he he's and then we just slip the lines, but we don't ever get anywhere.
SPEAKER_02:In that in the car, I now I'm just like taking bits and I apologize, but in the car scene when he is like, I feel like we're doing something wrong. There is a bit in that scene that was must have been entirely cut, just laying on the cutting room floor because they they let him set it up, and then we just pretty much immediately drop it and move on. And it's like, okay, there was definitely like a joke coming. I could feel the joke coming, and now I feel like a little joke blue balls. I don't know. Um, so it's very strange. It's weird. It's it's weird. Anywho, uh, he is my other laugh of the movie, the other stepdad laugh of the movie at the very end of the movie.
SPEAKER_04:I I love how you could rate a movie if you get like two or three laughs, that that counts as you know, you enjoyed yourself.
SPEAKER_02:Dude, we have watched 262 or three films. If I can laugh three times in a movie, that's like an a like a real, genuine laugh. I'm not laughing at the movie, I'm laughing with the movie. For me, that's a win. That's like a blockbuster movie at this point. Yeah. You've lowered my standards so much, Dan, that just the tiniest glimpse of hope puts me over the edge.
SPEAKER_04:Uh, Pork Tony's been beaten down.
SPEAKER_02:That's hey, that's the story of my life, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Um, I guess we'll talk about the movie now that we've talked a lot about the movie. I feel like I'm pretty good.
SPEAKER_02:I'm set, I think I said what I need to say, and I'm ready to wrap it.
SPEAKER_04:Uh, hour and 34 minutes. We start on a spooky rainy night. There's spooky music. Here comes the wife running out of the house. Uh, there's Lucas, the kid. Where's your where's your stepfather? And we find out that uh stepfather's been buried by the swing set. Uh she digs him out, opens the he looks like he's in a coffin, and he's like, I want a divorce. Cut the titles.
SPEAKER_02:Did you laugh? No. Yeah, no, me neither. No. It was a tough, it's a rough start.
SPEAKER_04:It's not a good line.
SPEAKER_02:No.
SPEAKER_04:You gotta have a line in there, right?
SPEAKER_02:Well, I mean, if you had like a joke, uh would be good. Also, just like it's a weird start. I'm fine starting in the middle of something. That's not what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_04:It's a weird start. We don't start in the middle of something. We start with a flashback. It's pretty much the end flash forward. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Then we go. I get the middle of the movie. We start in the middle of the movie. Or two-thirds of the movie, right?
SPEAKER_04:No, no, no. We show what's gonna happen later on in the movie.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_04:But we don't start there, which has you know, which I think is bad.
SPEAKER_02:But my thing is like, so Evangeline Lilly. Evangeline Lily. The wife she comes out and delivers no jokes. Right?
SPEAKER_04:She has like maybe one seat, one or two scenes where she does something.
SPEAKER_02:Right. And here's my thing is I don't I think that some of those things that she was saying were supposed to be jokes. Really? Like, so she is so like her character should be so oblivious to the evil nature of her child, right? Yeah, and she treats, she is treating, he buries her husband alive. That's that's like a really big deal. She's gotta say a joke about that. She has to say a joke because she is she's playing as if this is like a normal, like, hey, you're on a timeout, which is a funny reaction to it, but there's no we come in the middle of it, we don't know what the hell's going on. She needs a joke about how small of a deal this is in order for this to land. Because she we have to know immediately, like, oh, she this is like a normal behavior for this child.
SPEAKER_04:She she has she had yeah, she has to be like, where's Gary? Weren't you with Gary? What happened to Gary? And then Paul. That is the guys. Here's the thing. Dan's not a good actor, okay? I'm incredible. I I get the driver. Dan is not a Hollywood trade act. I'm like I'm a stage trade actor.
SPEAKER_02:Here's the thing, right? No, that's the tone she needs. No. She needs that, like, over the top, like, I'm just I'm talking to my kid. What? Hey, what talk to me? What happened? What's going on here? You put him in the ground. What? We've we talked about this. You know, like it has to be like that.
SPEAKER_04:You can't keep doing things like this.
SPEAKER_02:Right, great. That's wonderful. And and that's where the timeout line went.
SPEAKER_04:She had she has to lessen it while we while we know that that that he could have died.
SPEAKER_02:It's heightened because that's that's the joke. And I I know that they know that's the joke. That's why they have the timeout. Like it's supposed to be there. She doesn't deliver it great, but she's also not given the correct tools to deliver it great. And I was just like, boy, this is a rough start to the movie. This is not a good start.
SPEAKER_04:I had watched this, and that's why I was like, oh yeah, we'll do this movie.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, that so you turned on this scene and you were like, Yep, that's on the list. We can do this immediately. I get it. There we go. I get it.
SPEAKER_04:Um, yeah, because that's the whole thing. And you know, I was talking to Shannon about this a little bit. It's Adam Scott, right? That's his name.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, Adam Scott. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:He's kind of like Chevy Chase. Sure, okay.
SPEAKER_02:You know, you don't think not a bad guy, though. Sorry.
SPEAKER_04:Wow. Let's get into the personality of actors. I mean, actors are horrible people.
SPEAKER_02:Whoa, whoa, whoa. You know what's funny? We were just talking about how David Harbour's probably a bad guy because I I love him so much. And my wife's like, I don't think he's the good person. I'm like, I don't care. He only It doesn't bother me.
SPEAKER_04:He only cheated on Lily Allen for three years.
SPEAKER_02:Just like a just a little bit of time, right? It's fine. No, it's and that's awful, right? But at the same time, I'm like, yeah, but does it affect his work? I I still enjoy it. I have a I have people think I have a problem, but I feel like I'm able to separate the artist from the art, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
SPEAKER_04:You know, everyone does everyone's wearing leather. We all do terrible things.
SPEAKER_02:I love this the leather. That's your sterling example of us all doing bad things. Don't wear the leather, guys, don't do it. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:The cows. Think of the think of the cows. Um, so he's kind of like unaffected, right?
SPEAKER_02:He's kind of an unaffected whole time, you know, until he's sort of affected.
SPEAKER_04:And you know, sure. I mean, this is an omen parody, so at a certain point, you're gonna have to kill the kid. And yeah, the point at which in a comedy you decide that you're going to murder a six-year-old child, that's that's hard, man. You you gotta you gotta really have like the emotions and the stakes in a good place, you know, because he's throwing at a certain point, he throws the kid to his death.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And then just is kind of like, oh man, what am I doing? What am I doing? I think I threw the kid down. What am I doing? It's uh no, no, buddy. So my problem, and I he's fine, right? Like, I don't, I don't, I don't dislike him at all. He's fine, but you had that's actually a great point. And the reason why Chevy works, right? Yeah, is because he's so smart that even in his unaffected way, his commenting and the way that the way that he sees the world is funny to us, even when he's not internalizing anything that's happening to him. Okay. And Adam Scott can't do that.
SPEAKER_04:He doesn't have a he's not a quick machine.
SPEAKER_02:Chevy's a quick machine, you know. That's that's hard. That's hard. That's that's not me being like, oh, you should be able to do that. You shouldn't. It's crazy. The fact that he could do that is amazing, right? If he was a better person, he would have been the biggest movie star on the planet. But he's trash. Um, so so you already have him like not fully living up to the character they've set before him, right? So he's not able to provide that part of it, and then you get to the emotional turn, and he's not able to deliver that. And I was like, oh no. Wow, what are we doing here? So it's tough. It's tough. I mean, he again, he's not bad, he's totally fine. Yeah, but fine's not good, you know?
SPEAKER_04:And at the same time, eventually Lily isn't given anything to do, so she she kind of adjusts things in a couple of scenes. You're like, oh well, she's now she's acting like, oh, I'm I, you know, I don't know what was happening, but not but not enough to really make you think she didn't, you know, it's like delivering a thing. Yeah, her her emotional intelligence was at like a real normal human as opposed to like someone who could, you know, basically she got dragged into a cult, and you're like, well, you you know what that is, right? Because you're acting like you know what it is, but then you're also saying you don't know what it is. Yes, very articulate in what happened as opposed to him having to drag it out of her or something.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Or her so, and I don't want to say she needs to be ditzy or something, she needs to be naive. Yeah, that's the that and she's the reason she says that, she's like, I don't know, maybe I was a little naive. Were you? I don't this character doesn't feel naive at all.
SPEAKER_04:Now for it and and at some point you wonder if the the turn is gonna be that she's she's in on it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yes, a hundred I was waiting for it since the jump, yeah, and it never came, and I was like, ah, maybe that's the sequel.
SPEAKER_04:Because they hit they they hit that she's in on it a couple of times. Yeah, and it's Shannon was just watching Rosemary's Baby, which oh boy. Have you ever seen Rosemary's Baby?
SPEAKER_02:I refuse. I refuse.
SPEAKER_04:Why?
SPEAKER_02:I don't, it just seems like a real downer. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04:I mean, it's it's all about manipulation and controlling, and they're giving her, you know, they're putting stuff in her food, they're giving her media doesn't sound good, you know. It's not good, it's a horror movie.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, but it's not, it's like a more of a psychological, you know, one of the like my horror, I like a monster. Oh, that's give me some monster. She gives birth to it's a human. It's a human, though, right? Oh, the baby turns out to be the monster. I understand what you're saying. I understand.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I get it. Yeah. But that that's you gotta look at that stuff and go, like, oh, okay, we gotta, we gotta play that game where you know, she's not the smartest person in the world, and her her husband is this super sleazy guy. You're just like, oh, you know, you're groaning. But yeah, but just having them come in there and play TV characters, you're like, you can't play TV characters. Yeah. And that's what they play. They play just, I'm a normal TV character that's gonna, you know, figure out how this island works, and I'm gonna go do this thing, and I'm gonna, you know, run. So now you're attacking lost here, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, let's let's calm down.
SPEAKER_04:Well, but that's who she was. You know, I know those people when they're when the turns occur, they just like go, yep. You know, like you live you're on a magical island. You're like, well, what the fuck? You know? I mean, everybody understood the magical island, right?
SPEAKER_02:Nobody was like well, there's a line in the pilot given by um oh shoot, the Lord of the Rings guy. I feel bad I can't remember his name. Dominic Wither. Guys, where are we? You know, hey, great. He was questioning it, so you're wrong, Dan. You're dead wrong. Yeah, but no, I mean, you look at lost. Yes, everybody takes the magical island in stride, Dan. Okay, we get it. It's fine.
SPEAKER_04:Everyone gets it. I mean, it's almost like all those characters are written as the same character.
SPEAKER_02:Sure, but Jack's really good at CPR, so you can't you can't beat that, alright? Wow, it's just you'll just he's so good at CPR on screen. It's incredible.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I'll deflect all day.
SPEAKER_02:I love that show.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, boom. It's one week earlier. There's a he uh Adam Scott's in a moving truck with two moving guys, and they are are they just there to bring the the box, the crate?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and you know, and give exposition.
SPEAKER_04:It was the weirdest thing because he's like packed between these two giant guys, African American guys, and you're just like, does he work with them? Why would he be riding up in front? That would never happen.
SPEAKER_02:Why are you riding? And not to sound you know uncouth, but we call that riding bitch, right? Like when you're squeezed in the middle. Why is he what's going on right now? Other than like visually, it's funny because he's a good foot and a half shorter. I don't, I don't know. It's weird.
SPEAKER_04:It's those, it's those kind of scenes that you're like, no, don't it's not what you're getting out of it is not worth it, right?
SPEAKER_02:Right. A hundred percent. Because really, like he's like, Yeah, I'm moving in, great. He's like, I'm moving in with my new lady, great. And then she comes out, she's smoking hot, and they're like, You're married to her. And then he does a weird line about how he's like up in her business. It was very weird and uncouth. And it's just like, I would have gotten that if a moving truck pulled up and he pulled up next to it. I get all of the things that you just said in that scene with two seconds of visuals. That's it.
SPEAKER_04:My question is, he does not play the thing of being married to this new hot woman, right? As a man, there's like one or two lines. I mean, he's he's fine, and if I saw him with her, I wouldn't be like, holy moly, that's you know, that's a you know, it's not like if you were with her. For sure.
SPEAKER_02:Where we'd we'd all be like, so that's just gonna say is like as a man who did marry up and is very proud of that fact, you do have a certain like uh affection toward you know what I mean. Like, I wouldn't be like, yeah, I'm fucking her, dude. High five. It that's that feels icky. You're just like, yeah, I'm I'm lucky, dude. I like I don't know what it is, but I did it. So that's a high five. But you don't you don't talk about it crassly. He's like, Yeah, I'm all up in her business, dude, chaka. I was like, what do you what are you talking about? She's out of your league. You that's what you said, whether I you know agree with it or not. It's Hollywood, right? Yeah. But I was like, yeah, you would you would talk about her with a little more grace. You'd be you'd be excited, yes, but it's loving. You know what I mean? It's I don't know. It was very weird. And I was like, okay, he doesn't even like her, he's just there to bang her, which again is fine, you know. So you gotta do what you gotta do, but but it didn't work.
SPEAKER_04:And that is one thing that we never see in this movie is why why they got married, what the connection was. There was no reason for them to.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. That's not very interesting. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, and that's I think that's why in in a movie like this, typically you make that gulf bigger. And if the gulf is bigger, then the guy is like, uh, we were Shannon watches this one weird YouTube show where this guy gives people financial advice. First of all, that sounds like a terrible thing to watch, but I mean And these people have totally screwed up their lives, and there was this one with this couple, and like the dude like had the weird mustache, and he, you know, he was a whole thing, and then the girl was very good looking. And you could just tell that this guy he pays all the bills, he you know, yep. She won the lotto. She is the hottest girl he's ever been anywhere near. And you understand we understand that dynamic. You know, that that that guy that's never been near a girl this hot is gonna make sure that stays.
SPEAKER_02:A hundred percent. And that's you should, right? Like, that's great. Uh, and that makes sense for a movie like like that story makes sense in uh in on paper, but this doesn't work.
SPEAKER_04:This equation didn't work so much.
SPEAKER_02:Sure, he's got a little bit of a weird face, you know what I mean? But he's not ugly. No, he's a fine-looking guy, seems to be relatively successful, although, you know, real estate is always good, right? I think. So, you know, he's doing fine.
SPEAKER_04:Uh, we set up that something bad happened at a wedding. Uh, he has bought a soapbox, soapbox racer that he and the kid are gonna assemble, which is that even still a thing? Everything is still a thing. I mean, it has to be somewhere. Isn't it? Okay, all right.
SPEAKER_02:I mean somewhere, but not to the point where I'd be like, we should put that in a movie. People are gonna relate to this idea. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:My question to you is in a soapbox, soapbox racer, is it the kid and the dad that write in it?
SPEAKER_02:Usually no. I mean, I again I never did it, right? I've never seen this as a real thing, but uh none of the other it seemed like all the other kids were by themselves.
SPEAKER_04:I saw the one that the parent the parent and the kid were side by side.
SPEAKER_02:Side by side? Okay, interesting. All right. So I mean, I have no idea. I think it's just the kid, but we made so bang and boy scouts, we made like little toy cars that we all raise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that's so that's m the closest I've come to such a thing. Yeah. Did not win, by the way. My car sucked.
SPEAKER_04:You gotta get the right wheels and then you gotta put the little weights on.
SPEAKER_02:Like I know, dude. Yeah. It did not go well, Dan.
SPEAKER_04:So we meet Lucas, who is the kid. He brings him a handful of worms. Uh okay, Lucas is very particular. Uh he says he's the luckiest man alive.
SPEAKER_02:I suppose. I don't know. Maybe. But did you feel that way? Didn't seem like it. Right. Yeah. So that's I mean, you can tell us something. But if I'm not in agreement with you, like it doesn't matter. You can say it till the cows come home, as they say. But I have to see it. I have to feel it, otherwise this whole movie falls apart.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. You know, make it yeah. Get give him a bad job. Make her like, you know, loaded, or you know, make him run out of the apartment in the city. You know, make it seem like, wow, this is this is incredible.
SPEAKER_02:My whole my new life is amazing.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, boom. He's making pancakes for the kid. He's making chocolate chip pancakes for the kid. They're all burnt.
SPEAKER_02:Delicious. Yeah, he's terrible at it.
SPEAKER_04:Is that what that means?
SPEAKER_02:He's terrible at it. I it sh it either means that or it means like they were like, Adam, you really have to cook these. And he's like, This is the fifth time we've done this scene. I don't know what else to do with this pancake. I have no idea. Why are you showing me burnt pancakes and then never talking about it or don't talk about him? It doesn't seem to like come into the type of person he is. I I I don't know. I got nothing. Tony, you love this movie. Explain it to me. I said I laughed a few times. I don't know. I mean, we I haven't laughed yet, though, so let's let's hold off. Let's get to the good stuff.
SPEAKER_04:We have a priest on there whose name I've written down somewhere else.
SPEAKER_02:He says It's a stupid priest's name. It's like a church word. JD Gospel. Gospel. Yeah, yeah, Mr. Gospel.
SPEAKER_04:He sets up that the end of the world is 6 p.m. 6th of June. Which I guess corresponds to the kid's birthday.
SPEAKER_02:Birthday.
SPEAKER_04:You have to tell us that because I do not have a I do not have a calendar. You don't? No, I don't have the studio calendar that you know they set out with the press kit.
SPEAKER_02:So, you know, consider yourself lucky. Yep.
SPEAKER_04:What are we gonna say, Tony, about the calendar, the times?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, don't just get tight. Yeah, you got a calendar on your phone, okay? You can just open your phone. Everyone's got calendars these days.
SPEAKER_04:Uh gets a call from he's uh driving to work, or he takes takes to school, gets a call from the videographer about the wedding video. Um the guy's like, I I gotta show you something. You gotta come down. And he's all like, We don't want the video. He paid for the video, yeah, but he's like, Yeah, we don't want the video, but the guy I there's a whole weird dynamic where it should she should just say, We paid for it, so just send it along. Whenever.
unknown:Sure.
SPEAKER_04:But you know, but it it sets up this weird, you know, we've talked about it in comedy. When you get everybody questioning what's going on, everything gets we don't buy anything anymore because it doesn't make any sense. And we he was already dude was already paid.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:So I I don't know what the problem is.
SPEAKER_02:The problem is they don't want to remember it because it's such a tragic event, which is a new problem that we'll talk about later when we see the video and almost nothing happens. Um what they they just needed to spell it out a little bit better. And he and Tyler Levine needs to say, dude, you already you already paid for the video. Like I'll I'll just send it out. And he's like, Don't send it to me. We don't want to see it. It's a bad memory. The wife doesn't want whatever it is. Like, just make it very clear why you don't want this thing you already paid for and should just get no matter what, because that's a weird thing to say. And Tyler LeBean's character, instead of being like, I think you need to see it, think you need to see it, just be like, bro, you you paid for it. I'm gonna give it to you. And then he's like, and some weird shit happened. I wish weird shit happened at the wedding. I understand that's a weird thing to say considering the he spoke backwards. He spoke backwards and there was a tornado. Is that really that weird? I mean, the speaking backwards is weird, but it's not like you need to see this weird.
unknown:Eh.
SPEAKER_02:I'm disappointed. Nobody even died. Yeah, they did. That one guy died. Oh, the one guy got sucked up, but no one he was an uncle. Nobody so you think that right. And is that not weird? He's like, I didn't think he made it to the wedding. You haven't heard from him since? Nobody's heard from this guy since, and no one has said anything.
SPEAKER_04:That's the whole point. That's the joke. Is that I don't, you know Yeah, but it's not a very good joke. No, it's not a good joke. I mean, yeah, you could have easily set up what happened at the wedding to have been interest more interesting and more funny. And like, why is the priest speaking backwards in Latin? Was he part of the cult? We never set that up, whatever.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. No, no, I assume it was a message from God that we just uh never really deciphered. My problem, Dan, is if we had just like seen the wedding or or like it wasn't such a big deal. They just make such a big deal. The whole first 30 minutes of this movie is them talking about what a terrible wedding it was. He tells his friends what a terrible wedding it was. The videographer calls and talks about what a terrible wedding it was, and then I saw it and I was like, eh, okay.
SPEAKER_04:Well, I don't know. I mean, everything in this movie has to set up moving from point A to point B. Right? Sure. You know, we gotta we gotta get there. Because that's you know, then the laughs can occur once we're there.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. You bet you bet your ass they do.
SPEAKER_04:Come on. He gets to work, he is he sells real estate, the wedding sucked. He's got this weird lady co-worker, Al, who's played by uh this big lady stand-up comedian who sure I'm assuming is funny in other things she does.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, that's an assumption you can have.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, you've never have you ever seen her before?
SPEAKER_02:I I don't know. I I mean I've seen her before because I when she came out, I was like, I recognize you, but I don't know what. Yeah. So I don't know. Most most stand-up comics I do not care for nowadays.
SPEAKER_04:So you know?
SPEAKER_02:Sure.
SPEAKER_04:Um, and then he's trying to sell this nunnery. The priest from the earlier thing wants to buy the nunnery, so he goes down down there and meets him. He's all into it. He's like, the end of the world is coming, money is no object.
SPEAKER_02:Boom. But this scene is so weird because Adam Scott keeps pitching it as a family home.
SPEAKER_04:And it's weird because this guy's wearing his he lies to him about other people that are interested in it. Right.
SPEAKER_02:And but he's talking to a guy with a priest's collar. Yeah. He's in a church, essentially, you know, a reformed a church. Like, why would you think this is for kids? Like, I don't it's such a weird scene. Just be like, yeah, what what are you interested in this for? And then he can make up the lie, right? Like that guy could say something a lie if he needed to, but also he would just be like, it's a bro, it's a church. Well, that that should be. I'm gonna practice churching. I'm gonna practice churching here. Well, I don't know what you should want. Adam Scott should be selling him the nunnery of the church.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, and that's that's the joke. It's weird. It's I mean, it's it writes itself. He's all like, Look at this, I already got pews.
SPEAKER_03:You're not gonna need, you know, I'm gonna go.
SPEAKER_04:We're gonna take the pulpit up here. You can get to the pulpit, go stand up there, check out fingers. He's all like, yes. You know, and I mean the thing that he should say, should he should be, uh, we we got this uh this Jewish rabbi. I I'm talking to this rabbi.
SPEAKER_02:That's the thing.
SPEAKER_04:He's like he's like into there. How hard is it to write those jokes? Those are so easy to write.
SPEAKER_02:Apparently, it's hard because there's there's a scene coming up that's my least favorite scene in this entire movie, and it made me so frustrated. I can't wait to talk about it. I've been waiting for 24 hours. Did you write some jokes for it? Uh no. Okay, I don't think I need to. Uh and I'll tell you, you'll get it.
SPEAKER_04:You'll get it. Okay, boom, he gets a call. The kid is in trouble. He goes down there, there's cops, he goes in, principal, counselor, and this is what we set up. Is this your scene, Tony?
SPEAKER_02:No, I but that this is also a terrible scene.
SPEAKER_04:Uh we find out what the kid did was he spoke out of, they say what he did wrong was he spoke out of turn, to which we all go, huh? And he told the teacher to go to hell, and then the teacher threw herself out the window and impaled herself on a fence. And all through this, the counselor guy is like going, mm-hmm, uh-huh, or he's making some noise, judging Adam Scott, and this is a setup to make him have to go to counseling.
SPEAKER_02:What? Why? What? Because we gotta get to this counseling scene somehow. Sure. No, I mean I get it, but there's probably a better way to do it. There's gotta be. There has to be a better way to do it that makes even a lick of sense. I would I you know I believe it to my core.
SPEAKER_04:I really do he has stepped into a world that makes no sense. I mean, that's true. It's it's Looney Tunes in here, that's for sure. And then as he's leaving, he sees the people pulling, he and the kids see the people pulling- This is this is my first laugh of the movie.
SPEAKER_02:Pulling the body off of the fence. Just like literally taking her off a spike that's like dripping in blood. See now I laugh.
SPEAKER_04:If you think that I I you know, whatever, but if you if this is my movie and I think that that's very funny, you gotta you gotta extend it.
SPEAKER_02:So this is and this is not the scene I was just talking about, but they don't commit to their bits.
SPEAKER_04:He covers like covers the kids' eyes. The kid should be like 100% back and then fighting to see it, and he should be no, no, no, you can do physical comedy. Is there any physical comedy in this movie?
SPEAKER_02:They have to drop the body again. Like I was waiting for like they're picking up, oh shit, and then they they drop it and it like spikes again, and blood is splitting, and the kid is loving, like it has to be ridiculous, and I would have loved it. I still laughed, but it could have been it could have been very fun.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, now we're doing dinner prep. Lucas's birthday is coming up. Mom defends Lucas, uh Sam wife's name. Mom acts a little crazy, says that he needs a positive male figure, and then she's like, You're going to be a great dad. Sends him upstairs. There's this tiny this house is like just a bunch of random set rooms. Yeah. This little tiny hall that you can you can you can't even put your arms out. You should be like this.
SPEAKER_02:None of those rooms are attached to that hallway, by the way. Those are they're totally separate places. I don't care what you say to me.
SPEAKER_04:Gets to his room, and he's got the TV on. It's like the poltergeist shot.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, he's he's doing yeah, they're doing poltergeist.
SPEAKER_04:He comes in there and the kid we find the kid has never really spoken, I don't think.
SPEAKER_02:No.
SPEAKER_04:Puts his hand around and he's got a goat puppet, which you can't make out at all. And then the goat puppet name is Reroy, which is which is Rapture Backwards. I don't know how that is.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:I don't even know. Because they do that later. Rap T-U-R.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, because they're like Eruptar or something like that later on the ceiling.
SPEAKER_04:Well, his name is Reroy, yeah, but it's supposed to isn't just because you know, Red Rum is murder backwards. Yeah, for sure. So you have to do the thing backwards. It should be Rut Par. They call him Reroy. And I'm like, I I don't remember.
SPEAKER_02:Reptar from the Rugrats? That was cute. I mean, I know that name. I don't know. Rugrats, I don't know what's in. You didn't watch Rugrats?
SPEAKER_04:Um he run he runs away from the the goat puppet.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. You don't have anything to say about that? What else? What do you say other than okay? Okay. So he tries to do a joke. Also, this is what I'll say. He walks in, he's like, Oh, is the cable out? You didn't laugh at that. No, but it's a joke of a sort, you know? So there you go. There's no second joke, right? There's no like there's no build. There's no, this is the base joke, because that's how it feels, right? It's like the first joke and a series of jokes. But there's not. It's just the hey, is the cable out? And then it's like, guess not. Hey, goat, see you later.
SPEAKER_04:So now is that what you're supposed to do? Like you come in there, okay. Here comes Tony. He's he's auditioning for this movie.
SPEAKER_05:Great. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:You walk in there, they've they've written you, they've written you that one, they've written you that one line. Ah, cable's out. And now what do you do? Do you you make three more jokes, two more jokes?
SPEAKER_02:So this is actually this is actually a big point of like controversy, not controversy, but it's a debate. There are again, there are two schools of thoughts on this because you risk offending the writer. Oh, fuck him. If you if you improve, but that's a he could be in the room. As a writer, yeah, fuck me over. But those people do not uh it depends, right? That's the thing. So there's there's two types of writers, right? Like some writers are very sacred to their words. This guy wrote and directed the movie, so I would not improvise. Really? That would be my and that's just it's just an assumption. He could love it if you go in there and improvise. I don't know. And it's always a gamble. So you are like, I I would look at that and I'd be like, okay, he wrote and directed it. He's gonna be very precious to his words. That's how I feel. So I would go in, I would deliver it base. If he then asked me to do it again, if I get a second look, if he's like, hey, let's try it again and just do something a little different, then I improvise. Because then I can put my if I've given him the base, he's like, this is what you what I think you wanted. If you like it enough and you're like, hey, let's try something else and have a little more fun, then I'm like, boom, this is my window. I can now bring a little bit of me to the situation. You gotta Tony all over the situation. I'm gonna tony it up, and then I get sent home. And then he's like, uh, okay, thanks for coming in. We'll never talk to you again. That's generally the vibe of how that goes out for me.
SPEAKER_04:So write write me some jokes. What are you what are your follow-up jokes on the the this?
SPEAKER_02:I don't this is why I don't get cast in the movie. I don't have any for this one. I have some for another scene. Okay. Uh but this, I just so it and it depends, right? Is are you writing is this a funny scene? Are you are you meaning it should be funny? All scenes should be funny scenes, right? This movie is only listed as a comedy. Did you see that? No, but I mean that I make Netflix, yeah. It makes sense, but then like it needs to amp up, I think, a little bit. Not like I don't want it to be like scary movie level. No, it's a lot of things. I want it to be a more right. I want it to be a grounded comedy in an absurd situation. I think that's pretty pretty self-explanatory. But I don't know. Anyway, you know, you gotta make some white noise jokes, you know. Maybe, maybe there's a scramble porn joke in there. I don't know. You know, in my in my day, you can't make a scramble porn joke.
SPEAKER_04:Ask the kid why he hasn't fallen asleep. White noise, it puts me right to sleep. Uh not you. Oh, not you. You're wide awake, wide awake and talking to the goat. Here we go. Okay. Cut to smash cut to the next day. He's at he's at the group meeting, and you're like, what's happening? And you're like, oh yeah, he had to go to group meeting because the kid wants to go to the city.
SPEAKER_02:Why did he go to this group meeting?
SPEAKER_04:Because it's stepdads and the girl, the woman invited him.
SPEAKER_02:I no, I get that. But then what so the school counselor is like, you need to go to counseling. Why does he get to pick the why does the dad get to pick the counselor? This guy who's sending him to counseling, you should be like, here's the card, call these people, go to counseling.
SPEAKER_04:Give him a card. Is it the same card? I don't know. I don't know how. Doesn't make any sense. Why would those two groups be the same group?
SPEAKER_02:I don't know. I'm very confused by the whole thing. But yeah, so he's in this group with the people that we like.
SPEAKER_04:Um basically, we set up that every step kid is basically the Antichrist. Uh there's something they do a pitch perfect bit where like Al's kid has to watch Pitch Perfect 1 and 2 and 3. What's the joke of that? Because of how horrible Pitch Perfect is. But that's not true. That's like a false statement, right? Like I think whether or not there's the joke. The joke is Pitch Perfect 1 is a perfect movie. But Pitch Perfect 2, oh my god, this is where I'm going. Yeah, you gotta make it.
SPEAKER_02:Even if they do Pitch Perfect 1, Pitch Perfect 2, just like, and then God forbid pitch perfect three. You know, something like one of them's bad. But in general, I think the pitch perfect movies were pretty liked. So I just weird. The first movie is very good. It's really good. It's it's a great, excuse me. I love that movie. I think it's wonderful. Um, yeah, so I just pick it maybe pick a different franchise that's maybe worse or make a joke out of it. The joke isn't I have to watch Pitch Perfect. That's not the joke yet.
SPEAKER_04:That's what the joke was, right?
SPEAKER_02:Nope, that's not that could be a launching. But that's what the joke was, right? That's what's in the movie. That's yes, that is what they thought the joke was, is that she she had to watch Pitch Perfect, which is a lovely movie.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. You're like, I liked it once. Sure. That yeah, there you go. There we go. I don't want the cup song in my head. No, I don't want that in my head.
SPEAKER_02:Where I hate Anna Kendrick. You know? Yes. Love her, hate her now. Can't stand her. I don't know. Right across her on the street. I'm gonna kill her.
SPEAKER_04:I it's her fault. This is on her. Right, great. But that's the thing, is you actually you actually have to have an the person who's delivering that doesn't re that woman never seems to have a real emotional connection to the joke she's making.
SPEAKER_02:Doesn't seem to have an opinion on the joke.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, she had one joke, she's one good joke, one good joke. Oh yeah. I'll tell you what. Well, let me know when we get to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You let me know when we get to it. Yeah, she had one good joke. One I liked. Dan, if it's a fart joke, I'm gonna kill I'm gonna lose my mind. That's a queef joke. Oh, great, even better.
SPEAKER_04:Uh the next guy does something. Crystal Leas talks about his tortured girls and they switched Vagicil with toothpaste, I think. That's kind of a Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The the one kid. This joke was was sort of funny. Wanted like wanted like the guy's van or something.
SPEAKER_02:I don't yeah, I don't even I don't even remember to be honest with it.
SPEAKER_04:And then we have the one where the one kid's kid sh I think this maybe this is Crystal Lea one where the kid shit in his sock drawer and we set up. Correct, that is Crystal Leah. He had to stand on some somehow in the mirror. Somehow he knows that he didn't just shit in his hand and put it somewhere. Somehow he knows that it was something like fell into the shit.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:So the kid would have had to look in the mirror and look himself in the eyes as he was taking the shit into his sock drawer, and then he's like, I'm gonna teach him a lesson and shit in his backpack. I've got the backpack in my car.
SPEAKER_02:What? Yeah. That was so it's weird. It's super weird. It's super, which is why like part of me's like, did he make that one up? I don't know. I don't know, Dan. Uh yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:When you have Christy Lee onset, you gotta let him let him rock and roll.
SPEAKER_02:I guess. Or just replace him with a different actor with in and CGI the background.
SPEAKER_04:So we have the party, it's the birthday party of the kid, but it's before we set up that it's like three days before because we gotta kill him on the on that day.
SPEAKER_02:On the birthday, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Lots of it's all the stepdads bring their kids, and so there's lots of kids. We had a whole bit where she couldn't get a clown, it's hard to get a clown, and he just brings his clown, and um he's drinking with the boys, the clown sets himself on fire and then jumps in the pool, and he says, The child made me do it.
SPEAKER_02:Fine, you know. Would have been it would have been cool if we found a joke in there, other than like making it relatively serious, you know. I don't know. No jokes. But it's fine. Let's just let's just talk about the stunt work. Uh great stunt. Set yourself on fire, jump in the pool. I would never do it, you know? Shout out to stunt people everywhere. Y'all are crazy. You're not a stunt person. No, and I'm deathly afraid of it, you know. Like I I'm I don't like getting hurt. I did uh ground links with a stunt person. Did you? She was like a real stunt person. Was she a little deranged? Deranged? No.
SPEAKER_05:She was she was she was very almost as salt of the earth. She's very normal. Very, very normal.
SPEAKER_02:I love that. And yet she tries to kill herself every day. I mean, that's great. She tries to kill herself. I mean, sure, the point isn't to die, right? Like you're doing it to not get hurt, but you're just you're just asking for it at some point. Tempting fate, as they say.
SPEAKER_04:You're like Shannon. You're like uh, you would never skydive or bungee jump because first of all, of course I would not skydive.
SPEAKER_02:First of all, I believe in gravity, Dan. Okay. And now you put in 300 pounds of meat. Yeah. At some point that bungee's gonna snap, and I am on the pavement, splattered everywhere. Okay, I'm not gonna do it. I won't do it. Do it over a river. Oh, sure. Yeah, that's gonna be great. You know how hard it is. They say it's like hitting concrete if you fall too high and hit water. That's what they say. Yeah, but you're bungee.
SPEAKER_04:So you're probably boom, and just fall low.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, okay. So now I'm trusting other people to have secured the bungee, built the bungee, tested the bungee. How many times has that bungee been used, Dan? I don't know. There's too many factors I'm staying on the ground.
SPEAKER_04:Donnie, you're gonna be old and you're gonna regret all the shit you didn't do.
SPEAKER_02:No, I'm gonna be old. So I'm gonna be thankful I didn't do that shit. Because I made it, first of all, we both know I'm not getting old. This ticker's gonna give out real quick.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, he goes to the videographer. Did you know he was going to the videographer when he went to the videographer? Because didn't he set up he wasn't gonna go to the videographer?
SPEAKER_02:He there was never a change of heart towards the videographer. As far as I know, he was like, Don't ever call me again. I don't want the video. See you never, and then he's just there. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:Gotta get to that scene. Uh, this guy I was also very excited to see that it was Tyler LeBine. Yeah, you keep saying that, like, someone knows who that is. Tyler. Yeah, you know, Tyler LeBine, the star of the Star Wars movies.
SPEAKER_02:He was he is he wishes, you know what I mean? He's got his own podcast now. Wow. Uh he was in Reaper, CW show. That was a great show. Um, I auditioned for For him? There was a uh no to he got a role over me, which that made it sound like I was in the running. Yeah, yeah. See, that's I don't want to say it like that. We I just happened to audition for a movie, and then he got the role. I was never in the running, but generally, like when they're so they reach, I don't know if people care about this, but basically what happens is a casting director will bring in a bunch of people for a movie, and they still reach out to stars, but they're like, if we can't get a star, if no one agrees, like here are the choices that you could do instead. Um, so that would be what he did not audition for the movie, I could guarantee it. But anyhow, I auditioned for a movie that he ended up getting, and uh, I was I was like, oh man, he is better than me. That's how I felt myself. He's better than you? I like him a lot. I not in this movie. Let me be clear, it was not this movie. Um, but yeah, he did like uh it was Justin Long, and it was someone, it's like a bachelor party, and somebody died or something. I don't remember what it was. Uh it was years ago, but anyhow. Um I like him a lot. I think he's great. He's in Tucker and Dale versus Evil. He's wonderful in that. Nothing this guy directed that. Oh shit, is that true? I think so. First of all, that's wild because I I genuinely enjoy that movie. But that makes sense why he'd be in it. I think so. Okay. Wow, in that direction? You look it up while I do the next thing. All right. Um well, this is the scene I was talking about, so don't get too far.
SPEAKER_04:Um he's looking it up. So what we set up is he's going to the video guys, the video guy comes in there, and we show the video initially, and he gets mad because he didn't use a tripod. And then we see there's a big tornado. Almost. Almost what?
SPEAKER_02:You almost there? Do you they almost they were almost at the joke? Like they were really okay. Yeah, this guy, the same guy directed both. Yeah. Wow. Unbelievable. Interesting. And he directed uh Clown in a Cornfield this year, which I'm I need to see because it's based on a book that I really enjoyed. Okay. Oh, good. Sorry. Just doing some research here. Hopefully he ruins that for you, too. I well, it did not do well. It's getting very bad reviews, so I think he did. I think he did ruin it, turns out. So whoops.
SPEAKER_04:So then it turns out that the priest was speaking backwards in they thought he was speaking Latin, but he's actually speaking backwards. Uh Latin and backwards, very different things.
SPEAKER_02:Not even close, not even sort of similar, right? Like when you hear him talk, you're like, that's it's clearly backwards. Like it sounds just like those records that used to do that where they were like so dumb. Um, yeah, no one would think this was Latin. Nope. Nobody. No one. Maybe gibberish. Go with gibberish, right? Uh was he having a stroke in speaking in tongues? I do not know.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, someone didn't say speaking in tongues at one point.
SPEAKER_02:All right. No. It's like, why? I don't know. I like stroke. Stroke's funny. Stroke. Dark, but funny.
SPEAKER_04:Uh, this guy's like, okay, then the tornado comes. Oh, the the backwards masking was that protect the child, protect the child. That's what he's there to do, is protect the child.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Um and then we set up that, oh, a tornado came in there. The kid was unaffected by the tornado, the tornado killed one of the uncles, and then boom, the videographer's like, by the way, I'm also an occult researchist, and pulls out all this information explaining how the the end of the world is coming.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And and he also has done the research that everyone your wife has ever dated has died. And then, but there's one guy, Gabriel, and you can go find him somewhere later on in the movie randomly, to which the audience will be like, who are we going with? This is again okay. So tell me, what is it that you loved about this scene?
SPEAKER_02:I love the idea of him being obsessed with his work. Like, so as someone who has dabbled on that side of the film as well, uh, we do get attached to like shots, right? We're like, oh, this is a good shot. I did my sister's wedding. Um, it was a disaster, by the way. Long story. Um, but I I videographed my sister's wedding. When was this? And at the this was three, two, three years. It was right after the pandemic. Oh, okay. Uh, because they were supposed to get married in 2020. That obviously didn't happen. So then we did it after the pandemic. Um anyhow, but there's so like there's this uh we were at the reception, and you know, you get you just get in your artsy with it. So I was like on the ground and I was like focusing, and the sun was in the background of them kissing, and I was like, Oh, this is such a good fucking shot. And no one, nobody appreciated it, right? I put it in the final product, it's the last part of the movie, and I was like, Oh, look, everybody get ready for this. This is gonna blow your mind. Nobody cared, and I was like offended. So I love this moment where this guy is like, Why, why didn't you use a tripod? And he's like, Fuck you. What are you talking? Look at this shot. Like, I want, and we never go back to that. Yeah, the reason why that joke isn't funny. Well, there's two reasons, but one reason the reason why that joke isn't funny is because we drop it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Like, it's like, why why are you why is the camera so shaky? This is a wedding video, and he needs to be very offended, but then he needs to keep pointing out shots in his video. He's like, well, you think I could do this with a tripod? Look at this shot. Look, I'm under this, I'm under doing this view. Like, I he needs to hit that for the rest of the scene on and off in the middle of a really nice conversation, and like they're talking serious, like, yeah, your your wife, you know, she date all those people, but they're all dead. Oh, look at this shot. This is the money shot. I just needed more play. I needed more play. That why did you use a tripod? Funny, funny launching point, but then they just stick with tripod. He's just like, did Scorsese use a tripod? Yeah, yeah, he did. He did. Just 100%. Without a doubt, he did. That's a stupid thing to say. No one would ever say it. No. I just yeah, it's just a missed opportunity, and I think Tyler LeBine's very funny, and I think he could have delivered something really nice there given the opportunity. That's all. I know you don't like Tyler LeBine, you don't know Tyler Le Bean, but he's great. Oh, he also did uh that go that show where he talks to ghosts on Hulu. I don't remember what that one was called all of a sudden. Great stuff, man. I don't like that you don't know Tyler LeBine.
SPEAKER_04:Still don't know. All right. Uh bothers me. He gets home, the kid's on the table, he's now scared of him. Okay. Uh CPS has called Child Protective Services. They're gonna be coming soon. Okay. Um He's there with the wife, uh, getting ready for bed. He is wearing still wearing a dress shirt with a loose tie while he's brushing his teeth.
SPEAKER_02:Brushing his teeth. I wrote that down too. That's the weirdest thing that happens in this whole movie. Take off your shirt. Take off the tie, at least. You already loose it, just unloop it from your head. It's so weird.
SPEAKER_04:It's I just I don't understand it. And this is why you don't do shit like that in your movie because people everyone's gonna know you think it's a little thing, but there's no such thing as a little thing in a movie. Yeah, they notice everything. Okay, uh they go to bed, she gives them a massage, being all sexy time, and then um this is where she explains how she got pregnant with Lucas, she joined a cult, they gave her drugs, she woke up the next morning and she ran away. Implication.
SPEAKER_02:Right, and she's just very matter-of-fact about it, and that's not the naive what the naive person would like. She says, Um, you know, maybe I was just a little naive, but you know, I went to this rape party and had a great time. It's just like, no, like you show me in this scene, he has to figure out what happened, right? Like, it has to be him discovering it, not her just telling him a story that's so matter of fact, like, yep, I got fucked by nine guys in this room, and uh, they sacrifice something on an altar, and you know, it's really fun. No, like she has to say like sort of vague things that don't seem to mean anything to her, but he's like, What the fuck? You mean you went to a like a cult? Like a ritual, and you got passed around. Like it's weird, right? Like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:She doesn't know the father of her child and it occurred when she was basically drugged. Right. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, they they escaped past it as fast as they humanly can because they don't want to deal with it.
SPEAKER_02:100%. And if it's um what was Jesus? What was that called? Immaculate inception. And if that's it, great. Like, say that. Say that. She's like, well, no, nothing happened, but then I woke up and I was just, I don't know, I was pregnant. So weird. So weird how that happens.
SPEAKER_04:Lucas shows up in the doorway and cockbox him hard.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Bad dreams about worms, worms coming out of his nose. Uh, probably the creepiest thing in the whole movie.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that was super messed up. I loved it. I thought that was like a great moment when he tweezes it, tweezes one worm, and then looks back, and there's another one. I was like, yeah, that's a that's a nightmare. I'll tell you that right now.
SPEAKER_04:That's a nightmare. Okay, now they're gonna go look for Gabriel. They go someplace where there's all these guys chanting that seem like they're priests.
SPEAKER_02:Right, but also like it sounds just like the people that she described, so I was I was confused.
SPEAKER_04:Uh, they find they find Gabriel, he is whipping himself. Uh, the blonde woman makes a joke about self-flagellation, like maybe cut it out or something. She has one job.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, she's like, just stop flagellating for one second, something like that. Yeah, yeah, it's funny. You know, it would be even funnier if you just kept making jokes. You know, like again, give me three jokes about flagellation.
SPEAKER_04:So they've got to go find this next guy, Gozar in Bethlehem. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Uh let's see. That was this was almost funny, I thought, when she are they in the bar yet where she's like, I can't go with you.
SPEAKER_04:Now they go to got they go to a pool hall to talk about going to flying to Bethlehem, Israel to get Gozamil. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and she's like, I can't, I just can't go with you to Israel right now. Like, I got a lot of stuff going on. Like, that's that could have been very funny. I I didn't laugh, but I was like, this I understand where you're going, and this could be funny. And then, you know, it turns out that there's a Bethlehem in the state they're in, and that's funny.
SPEAKER_04:Well, it's kind of crazy that he's ready to go to Israel.
SPEAKER_02:Sure.
SPEAKER_04:You're like, wait, hold on a second. That's that's a big stretch.
SPEAKER_02:It's a big commitment. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:So they go to they go to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
SPEAKER_02:What would be funnier? Let me just say this in my opinion, right? Maybe you can tell me I'm wrong. She gives all these excuses. I just I can't go to Israel right now, dude. Like, I got I got batting practice on Tuesday, I've got a PTA. I mean, I just can't go to Israel. And then it's like, it's Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. She's like, I just can't do it, man. You know, like I've got lunch with my mom. Like, she has, you know, like smaller excuses then when she knows that it's the same day. I don't know. I think that would be a fun way.
SPEAKER_04:That would be funny. They go there, they meet Gazumel, it's this little guy. Um, they get in his van and they could they're gonna cool van, by the way.
SPEAKER_02:And he like he decked it out. I love that. I guess they're driving back, right? Yeah. Yeah, because they drove to him wherever he was wherever he is. I don't know. I don't understand the geography. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. So they're going back, he's got donuts and beer, he's got a special magical knife that'll kill the kid.
SPEAKER_02:What?
SPEAKER_04:Knife of destiny. Yeah, okay. Which the bad guy also needs.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, but is never looked for before in his entire life, even though they're like ready to do the sacrifice. Okay. Who knows? That's cool.
SPEAKER_04:Uh they go back there, he does a key master joke, and then he's like, that's Ghostbusters. That's kind of funny.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, this is one of my yeah, this is my favorite jokes, because he's like, I I just made it up. There's no key master, it's from Ghostbusters, remember? And then Adam Scott gets the line. If it's from Ghostbusters, you didn't make it up. Great little line. That was a good line.
SPEAKER_04:Great little line. Yeah, wonderful. Uh, they avoid a guy in the road, they crash into a cornfield. Uh Gazumel. She keeps calling him Gozar, and his name is Gozumel.
SPEAKER_02:Now is that a Ghostbuster?
SPEAKER_04:I mean, it's a Ghostbusters joke, right?
SPEAKER_02:Thank you. So I don't know that. I like I've seen Ghostbusters a couple times. I'm not a you know, I think we've talked about not a huge Ghostbusters fan. So what you said, I was like, I'm assuming that's the guy in Ghostbusters. Um, I just don't care.
SPEAKER_04:Well, and you have to point it out. His name is Ghazumel. I'm just calling him Ghostark because of Ghostbusters because he made the Ghostbusters do it. Remember, remember the Ghostbusters? Yeah. That's not funny. Wasn't funny the first wasn't funny when he made it, wasn't funny when you made it. I mean, you have a comedy. You can do all these jokes, but you can't.
SPEAKER_02:So and Dan, this is actually a really nice moment for you. It is. So because you make the joke, the first joke, which they did, Ghostbusters, right? She makes this joke, or there's this scene where it's like, it's not funny. It's from Ghostbusters, that's not funny. Still not funny. Then when he does the key master joke at the end, she should be so annoyed with it. Like they're trying to break into the thing, it's like, I'm the key master, then she loses her shit on him, right?
SPEAKER_04:I can't make a Ghostbuster joke, you can't make a Ghostbuster joke. What the fuck? I don't think this doesn't make sense. Yes. And they should and that's boom, boom, boom. That's three jokes, boom, you did it. Well, and you do that as a beautiful interlude, right then, right? He's like, we need to she's all like, I know we need to go in there, but this is not fine. You know, let your people 100% if they give a shit about their joke, it's funny, and they do not they get to act.
SPEAKER_05:Uh they don't like any of these jokes.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's great. Yeah, that's a nice moment, Dan. I like that. Well done.
SPEAKER_04:Uh, he gets his dying speech. He says at the right time you'll get a sign. He's freaking out, she's calm. Are we gonna leave him here? They just leave the dying person there. Uh they they the his his place where he lives is on the edge of this cornfield that they just walk through. That was so weird.
SPEAKER_02:Doesn't really make a lot of sense.
SPEAKER_04:And then here's the kid sitting on the thing and swing.
SPEAKER_02:It's a swing.
SPEAKER_04:Thing, swing, whatever, Tony. God damn it. The swing thing. Uh, and oh, this is the thing I kind of like. Al, the the woman, she bails. She's like, I'm gonna help you forever. And then when she sees the kid, she bails.
SPEAKER_02:But she they didn't give her a joke, really. Well, again, that's that's you know, that's the problem. Which is why I like I think it would have been a nice moment if in the bar she had that opportunity to be like, Oh, it's it's right down the street. Uh listen, I can't do it. I just can't, and then he, you know, talks her in and she's like, Fine, I'll go. And then this is the moment she has to come, like, she has to really put her foot down because she is not going near the kit. Well, it would have been a nice build.
SPEAKER_04:She you know what she has to do because she's stolen the knife out of the van, right? So she has the knife. Did we see her do that?
SPEAKER_02:We saw her do it, yes. Oh, okay. Because she just she just like quickly there was no joke, there was nothing. It's literally just like she goes, oh, and then grabs it and leaves. That's it.
SPEAKER_04:We watched this great uh Australian comedy called Fisk, and it they're they're like lawyers, and they have these kleptomaniac ladies that are clients, and they come in there, and the one lady just keeps taking stuff off of the desk and like putting it, putting it in her thing, and it just and at a certain point she's like you know, scooping stuff. Everything, right? And it's hilarious because what are you gonna do? That's good, you know. You you have the those things, you know, where you're like, you're not supposed to like be like, stop it, you know, because they're your clip and this thing should have been like her. She should have been like, ah, mine now, you know, just give us a little joke.
SPEAKER_02:Let her say something. And then and then in this moment, he can be like, How did you get the knife? Well, this this moment, she should be like, Man, I wanna help you.
SPEAKER_05:And then she gives him the knife, and she's all like, Okay, you got this. Child kill, kill the kill. Okay, go kill the go kill the six-year-old child.
SPEAKER_02:But I gotta go.
SPEAKER_04:I can't do this because you know, something from before. You know, that's a fun scene for her to bail on him to go kill the child.
SPEAKER_02:100%.
SPEAKER_05:He's going to kill the child, right?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, 100%. Yeah, that's the that's the goal. You know, Dan, speaking of kleptoes, I just gotta tell this story because it just happened last weekend. Remember, I told you that we were gonna go to the pumpkin patch and go to our corn maze. Yeah, so we're at this, we're at the corn maze, and there's this old woman at the cash register, and she's like, corn mace is$30. So I give her two 20s, which by the way is$40. I don't know if anybody knows this, but I give her$40. She says, Thank you. Yeah, she says, Thank you, puts in the cash register, shuts the cash register, and goes next. And I was like, uh, and then I walked away. She stole ten dollars from me. I couldn't, I was like, what do I do in this moment? I don't, I can't. She's she was so sure. Like, she was so convincing. I was like, did I not give her 20? I only had 20. How did I don't know what? And then we just walked away. And I the rest of the day, I was like, that woman stole$10 from me. I couldn't, I couldn't let it go. I wonder how many times she does that a day. Hundreds of times, but I think it's to every single person. I think they're making thousands of dollars off of her scheme. She's making nobody else is making that money. You think she's pocketing it? At the end of the day, she's like, This is my cut. I took$400 from these people. Oh, tough day. Tough day.
SPEAKER_04:He goes into the house. I guess the kids was in the swing, and then the kid's not on the swing, I guess.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, he just he like looks down and looks up, and the kid's gone.
SPEAKER_04:Uh he goes into the house, boom, he's all dirty. Uh, it turns out that Child Protective Services is there in the form of Sally Field. And then Al's wife, Wendy, is there for why has she even met?
SPEAKER_02:She met him, met him her one day. They met at the party. They met at the party. That's it. But what's weird is he was with Al. He was just with Al, and then the wife is with the wife. I was like, I don't what's happening? I don't understand.
SPEAKER_04:She also like I don't understand.
SPEAKER_02:It's very familiar and calls him like a piece of shit, I think. Yeah, she does. Yeah, uh when he's upstairs. Because I I mean, I assume like the joke is that men aren't good at like being fatherly figures, right? So she's like, just read him a book, you piece of shit, which is like a funny line. But I it I was just so bewildered by this whole scene that I couldn't like, I was just trying to understand what's happening. Also, like she made a uh Angel Evangeline Lilly made a big point of him being there for the child protective service lady, and he's like, Of course I'll be there, of course I'll be there. But then no one makes a big deal that he's not there and he's coming in late. There's never a moment where it's like, where the fuck were you? We're here, we've been waiting for you. We she needs to know. There was never that. It was just like he walks in and everyone's like, Oh, hey.
SPEAKER_04:They never do that, they never do that gloriously uncomfortable thing where you're like arguing about the kid in front. Well, how is hold on a second? How is child protective services involved?
SPEAKER_02:She's um it's her kid. She's a m- She's the mom. Yeah, I have no idea. I don't know, Dan. Like Child Protective Services. No. Well, it's it's I think they say something like the school called on them or something because of what happened to you.
SPEAKER_04:For you you not being a great dad. They they do it if you like beat your kids and do terrible things.
SPEAKER_02:That's weird. Sure. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. She's not real CPS, it's funny.
SPEAKER_04:He gets to go tuck in Lucas, he goes up there, the hall lights go out. Another weird thing, he's like, the lights are out. She's like, There's a flashlight hanging on the wall.
SPEAKER_02:The wall. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:What?
SPEAKER_02:When is that a thing? No, that's that's almost not a thing that is. Having said that, I know well, it's not a thing. I know that like we have a flashlight in our cupboard. You know, just in case of something. She should be like, go to the kitchen.
SPEAKER_04:Go to the kitchen. There's one in the there's one in the drawer. You flashlights are in drawers, they're not hanging on the wall.
SPEAKER_02:Maybe we have a candle out for sentence. I don't know if it's something. They're not gonna shoot candle, not a chance. That's true. You're right about that.
SPEAKER_04:He goes in the room, there's a talking lion, uh, starts doing the goat puppet. The kid goes into another room, he looks through a keyhole, the kid startles him, he falls back, knocks himself out, the kid drags kills himself. Yeah, knocks, drags him down the stairs, puts him in the soap dox derby thing, is able to drag him across a six-year-old child who is very small, very small, yeah, drags him, buries him in the crate.
SPEAKER_02:He almost again, there's an almost funny moment because he drags him down the hall in the background while Sally Fields like it's never the child's fault. It just it's too quick. It's too quick to like fully land because it's that's a funny idea of the kid like dragging a dead body behind him as she's talking about how good kids are. Um, it's just yeah, they didn't they don't stick the landing, I don't think, but that's all right.
SPEAKER_04:I'm angry. Um uh he calls her with his cell phone that he's buried alive, and then boom, this is where we start at the beginning of the movie. He gets unburied, he gets out, I want a divorce, and then we do a whole she starts blaming him, and the children act out, and then he's like, He's the antichrist, and then they leave, and then it starts raining blood.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, yeah, yeah. I like the kid, I think the kid flicks him off on the way out, too. Is that what happens? Could be as they're walking away. I swear the kid like flipped the bird over his shoulder. I I swear I saw it. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. The next day, uh, he and Al are at the ball game, and she's all like, You gotta kill that kid to save the world. And she's like, You gotta kill him at the water park, take him to the water park, put sand in his floaters, and then send him down, and then he will drown to death.
SPEAKER_02:Why isn't there a joke about how she's thought about this? Oh, okay. That's funny. Because she comes up with this idea so fast. There has to be a moment where he's like, Why did you have that locked and loaded? I've been a step I had way longer than you. You know, like something I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:It is so easy to write jokes. What what she does is then she reaches into her, reaches into her coat, pulls out two tickets.
SPEAKER_02:I've got these ready for a while. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I got the I got these basses. Discount basses. With my blessing. Uh, okay, so she he goes back to his wife, gives her flowers, makes, you know, uh, sorry I called your kid the Antichrist, but but okay, let's I'm gonna take him to the water park. They have a fun montage, he's laughing.
SPEAKER_02:It's a so real quick, it's a good moment, another moment that should show her naivete. Oh, sure. Which they don't let breathe, but like him being like, I'm I'm so sorry I called him the Antichrist. And she has to take that in, right? But just be like, I get it. It's okay, you know? Or like, I don't know, something, but it's just I don't know. Well, yeah, this character doesn't exist.
SPEAKER_04:You're his father now, and you know, there's gonna be misunderstandings, and we're gonna work it out. Yeah, exactly. We're a family, we're gonna work it out. He's like water park, she's like, oh my god, and for his own. I love it. I love it. Oh yeah, my I mean the casting of her is terrible.
SPEAKER_02:And I I love her, obviously. Uh Kate, come on, one of the goats. Um But yeah, she's not the right, she's not the right choice.
SPEAKER_04:Uh and so this lady takes a picture of them, they get a picture of them being father and son, and then she's like, the kid's like, let's do the big slide, and they go up there, and he puts these waiters filled with sand, and the kid goes to his death. Just goes, let me let me put let me let me put this gun to your head because we're having such a good day. You're like, wait, what?
SPEAKER_02:There has to be a moment where it's the devil father like making him do that on any level. Or no, because otherwise it's weird.
SPEAKER_04:It should be like he should turn around and then the kid should have put the waiters on himself.
unknown:Right?
SPEAKER_04:He's still he's setting he's still like, I know these are heavy, but they're gonna stop being heavy once you're dead. You're like, what the fuck is this? You can't he's he's he's like he knows he's sending this kid to his death. That's kind of a big thing.
SPEAKER_02:What's interesting that you that you're saying is that they do cre have that person on the side that he like constantly is turning to to give one-liners to about so that's great. Is he has to turn, come back, and the waiters are already on.
SPEAKER_04:And he should be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, don't, don't no, no, no. Because he should have this should he should have switched at this point, and he doesn't want to kill the kid, but he wants to kill the kid now. And it's like, no, he loves the kid now. He sees what it can be, and then he wants to save the kid. And he he saves the kid. Okay, where are we? Ready to kill him. Sand wait as he goes. What the hell? Oh, he looks up in the he's like, God, give me a sign, and it says love. I didn't I didn't get that.
SPEAKER_02:That's the sign from God that you have to choose love in this moment and save the child. Why is some plane writing love? I mean Oh, you're saying why there's no reason. Yeah, there's no reason unless God's flying the plane.
SPEAKER_04:You have to make the sign like really, you know, like have a big fat guy that says love across his his belly. You gotta it's gotta be a joke. It can't be like Yes. Oh, I agree with that, yeah. You know, or see like a guy, you know, has love on one hand, he then he then you look over and he has hate on the other, and it's like, what do you you know, you gotta do some some doubles, right? Like 12 different, you know, three different doubles where he's like, oh yeah, oh no, yeah, oh no, I don't know what to do.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And then just dives in because it should be it should be an autonomous decision, in my opinion. She shouldn't be has to be him. Exactly. I like the idea of confusing signs. I think that's really funny. It's like, oh, that's the sign. Choose love. Oh shit, it's hey, here's this one, here's this one. This isn't a sign at all. I don't know what to do, and then he dives in and saves him.
SPEAKER_04:You know, you have like a dove flies, you know, a dove. Oh, a dove! Hawk comes in, kills the dove. Kills the right. Oh, shit. Oh no. I mean, this is getting a little scary movie, but I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02:Uh he promises I want to watch Scary Movie 2 because someone on is it Dancing with the Stars? Is that yeah, yeah, Andy Richter's in Scary Movie 2. So they did he wore the same costumes he wore in Scary Movie 2 on the Halloween. I was like, I should rewatch that movie.
SPEAKER_04:That's funny. He promises to protect them. They go and talk it out over ice cream, and uh I never the kid starts talking. He talks for the first now. He starts talking, I never knew my dad. Adam's dad never oh Adam never knew his dad. His dad tells him he was a loser. We do a whole you can be what you want to be. And the kid says, I don't want you oh, he says, I don't want you to die anymore.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. I th I thought this was a f like a funny moment because then Adam Adam says it back and I was like, it's funny.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:This the end part is I don't want you to die anymore either.
SPEAKER_04:It's definitely the best part of the movie because they've resolved all the mess. Right? They've resolved all the stuff that they didn't know how to deal with. They do know how to deal with, you know, his character protecting a child and doing a thing. He's fine with that. It's the emotional what baggage that they have to get through. Boom. Looks on the TV, there's an aber alert, the amber alert is him, the CPS lady shows up, the cops show up, and they grab the kid. They also go to grab the mom. They also throw him in the back of a cop car. Oh, wait.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, this is this is one of the other jokes I like. I told you I was gonna write down all my jokes. So the police, the police come up and the kid starts doing his go-to-hell thing, which is how he kills people. Go to hell! And then Adam and Rose is like, don't say that to the cops. We're working on manners, and they're like, that's a funny line. Funny line.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. You know, because he knows where he he knows where he's at, right? For the first time in the movie, everybody knows 100%. Yeah. And they can do that. He, you know, the director did not set them up to know where they're at the rest of the movie.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:It's good. Uh the uh oh, the kid calls a bunch of birds. He's able to call the wife and realizes that things are a problem, gets a homeless guy to open the door, he runs, he goes to Al's.
SPEAKER_01:What is going on with this homeless guy? I don't understand, Dan.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's God. Okay. And they don't they don't uh show that, but that's interesting. Yeah, because he's around all the time, and then he opens the door and he's like, Save the child. Yeah. But that's it. You know, then we never see him again.
SPEAKER_04:It's like uh, you know, it's like one you like those scary movies. People just say stuff, right?
SPEAKER_02:I'm gonna say no. I don't know. I think it has to be motivate a little bit.
SPEAKER_04:You know, that's fine. Okay, so boom. Al SM3. Uh they know where they're going. She has like a monster truck car, they collect up all the all the stepdads. Boom, the the cult is gonna kill him. And the idea is that the kid will act as a if you kill the kid, then he becomes a portal and Satan is able to take control of the body.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, right. Cool.
SPEAKER_04:Drive over police cars, they crash into the fence, boom, here we are. The door is locked to the nunnery, but he has the key, so he's the key master. He gets to not make that joke. He goes inside, he punches Sally Field, and they find robes, and then they hit her hit her with a board, too.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:There's yeah, there's a I mean, it's a it's all uh you know, it's almost funny where someone is like, you should really take it easy on the old ladies, huh? And then he grabs a board and hits her with the board and they go, or not.
SPEAKER_01:You know, that's funny.
SPEAKER_04:They gotta use the knife of destiny to sacrifice the child to allow Satan to inhabit his body. Adam Scott throws the world's best dad, baseball, it hits the bad guy in the head, he drops the knife, and they run up there, and the five of the good guys are able to convince a hundred bad guys that this is over and that they should probably not leave. They should probably leave.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, Adam's Adam Scott like gives a speech of some sort, and he's like, You should be ashamed of yourselves. And everyone's like, You're right. We should.
SPEAKER_04:We're no you know, we're not gonna no longer gonna believe our religion.
SPEAKER_02:That's how cults work, right?
SPEAKER_04:That's exactly how they're not gonna rush the stage and kill the kid themselves. Nope.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, definitely not. They get it.
SPEAKER_04:Uh the kid's thing flies up in the air, it falls down, and a pit to hell opens up. And Adam Scott is able to save the kid.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, jumps basically jumps in, hangs on by one hand for a long time, and then it falls.
SPEAKER_04:Long time fire shoots up and then he falls, and somehow he's clung to some other place for another couple of minutes. Always holding a six-year-old child. Little tiny Adam Scott, zero muscle tone Adam Scott has done this amazing thing.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, great stuff. Now, wouldn't the kid have because he has some sort of magical powers on his own, right? So couldn't he like do something?
SPEAKER_04:He could have just said to all the bad guys go to hell, and they'd all gone to hell.
SPEAKER_02:And they all die, yeah. They're all die. They're all bye-bye. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:So they escape the hole, the bad guy tries to uh tries to attack again, and the mom knocks him into the pit where he falls to his death.
SPEAKER_02:Sure does, sure does. And then we get my other favorite line of the movie. Oh, it's just the movie. It's my good friend Kyle Bornheimer. I don't even know if I'm saying that right. But he says, uh, they basically they cut to the group of stepdads, and they're all like, wow, that was really impressive that she just punched him in the pit. But his line is, you know, they both punch really well. Like, you know, when people run up to them in churches, I mean. Which is just like the dumbest line I've ever heard in my life in a movie, and I loved it. I thought it was so good. So Tony went out on a laugh. Because it's so specific. They're so good at punching, and then he qualifies it with, you know, when people run up at them in churches. Oh, yeah. That's great. Women? Is that what he's saying? No, no. So earlier, Adam Scott punches the nun and then Evangeline Lilly. So he's saying they both, like as a couple, they both punch really well when people run up at them in churches. I mean, which is like uh it's great. There it is. Lovely. Dan doesn't like Kyle. That's what I'm getting out of this.
SPEAKER_04:Um, I mean, I I thought I was like, he was one of the I would have ranked him probably highest among the stand-up comics in this movie.
SPEAKER_02:That's pretty good. Pretty good. Great job, Kyle. Tony, tell us about something you like this week. Well, Dan, so it's so first I'm gonna tell you something I did not like at all, and then I'm gonna give you something that I enjoy in general, but I did not just watch it the first time this week. So we watched uh the new It Welcome to Dairy show. Oh, is it that bad? I think it might be my least favorite pilot I've ever seen in my life. Um Wow, I gotta watch it. If you haven't seen it, spoilers ahead, but basically, the first scene of the movie there becomes uh this woman basically gives birth to a tiny it demon baby type of thing, and then it flies around the car. And I was like, well, this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. It is so stupid, and it just doesn't get better. Um, I hate I we hated it. Like, what this is I think zero. I give it zero stars. Um and you know, I should have expected it because I liked it chapter one. I thought that was a fine movie. It chapter two, I thought was uh garbage, absolute trash, and it's the same guy that directed both of those. So I was like, he's going this way, he's going downhill for each thing he's done. And this is by far the worst of the three. So yeah, you should give it a watch. I think you'll I think you'll get some good laughs out of it.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, isn't the it thing a s like a spider from space?
SPEAKER_02:Well, sure. So it's like it's not, I mean, listen, I it's like a literal uh I don't want to give it away because it'll ruin the laugh for you, I think. Um just watch it. It's dumb.
SPEAKER_04:It's really but I mean in the book, it Yes, yeah. I watched those two it movies and you know, they were bad. Um but it's a spider from outer space, right?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. The creature, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it this is like a my uh a mind trick type of uh situation.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, so she really doesn't have that baby? I don't think so, but I gotta see, but it's pretty cool.
SPEAKER_02:You get to watch it, yeah. You get to cool is one word for. I can't wait for this shit. Yeah, it's funny. Yeah, I think you're gonna like it. But so what I want to do and on a positive note is I want to shout out my good friend Kyle Bornheimer, um, and uh his frequent collaborator in the early 2000s, David Walton. They are two of my favorite performers. I love them very much. They did a show called Perfect Couples. Everybody should watch that. Then they did um David Walton starred, and he guest starred in a show called Bent, which is one of my favorite shows of all time. So watch Bent, watch perfect couples, enjoy yourself. They're lovely. That's all I got.
SPEAKER_04:I hear you talking. I don't understand anything you're saying.
SPEAKER_02:I'll put uh I'll put links in the description for all these shows. Uh what did you what did you enjoy, Mr. Sassy Pants?
SPEAKER_04:We watched this crazy 1979 thriller map called When a Stranger Calls, and it's basically the movie that uh Scream ripped off.
SPEAKER_02:Uh ripped off homage, they call it.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, it is the girl is a home alone. Yeah. Gets the call. Eventually the cops trace it. They say the call is coming from within the house.
SPEAKER_02:Inside the house. Yeah. So the difference, right, is that like I think she lives, right?
SPEAKER_04:Isn't that she does live because she lives, and then there's the middle part of the movie where the guy's horrible, and then at the end he goes to terrorize her some more.
SPEAKER_02:Right. So now, so the difference is like they were like, what if that happened? But then she is gutted from the inside. Oh so that's the intro to Scream.
SPEAKER_04:Scream is great. You know, don't get me wrong. This thing is like, this thing is dirty 70s, weirdness. You're just like, oh my god, what the hell? But it it is interesting to watch that and go, like, holy shit, this is this is scream.
SPEAKER_02:It's it was the idea, right? You watch that and you're like, I've got an idea. Yeah, yeah. What if what if he cuts her up real good? Uh speaking of that, the Scream 7 trailer drop. Now I do have something I liked, and I'm very excited. Nev Campbell's back. Thank God that they did that. I mean, it wasn't their choice. Bad things happened. The other cast had to leave the movie, so they were like, I guess she's our only hope. Let's give her the money she wanted to begin with. Um, terrible storyline that they treated her like shit, but I'm glad she's back. I can't wait to see it.
SPEAKER_04:Did I say I was finished talking?
SPEAKER_02:No, but I just wanted a segue because she brought up Scream, and I just was like, you know what, this is great. And back to Dan, everybody. Back to Dan. Here we go. Finally watched Weapons. Oh, that is on our list.
SPEAKER_04:Is it good? Oh, it's a I call it a 10 out of 10. It is okay. It is a real movie, right? It's uh interesting. Okay, it is like Zach Crager. He knows how to direct a movie.
SPEAKER_02:Sure.
SPEAKER_04:Did you like Barbarian? Were you a Barbarian fan?
SPEAKER_02:Okay, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Uh this is better than this is a better movie than Barbarian. Okay, that's but uh the performances are just like forget about it.
SPEAKER_02:Forget about it.
SPEAKER_04:And um, yeah, so that movie, and he's doing the new Resident Evil, and it's oh, I did not know that. That's exciting. So everybody's all bent out of shape. They're like, Well, she should make us some more kind of movies, like the movies he's already made us and shouldn't do something where he gets to spend as much money as he wants.
SPEAKER_02:Right? Like he just gets to a playground. Why would he not want to do that, you idiots? And that's what he was saying.
SPEAKER_04:He's like, I get to do whatever I, you know, it's like I know what I'm gonna do with this. It's gonna be a non-stop action movie. It's gonna be amazing.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's gonna be amazing. You're gonna love it. Shut the fuck up.
SPEAKER_04:He knows how to direct that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's not like it's someone we don't trust now, right? Like, that's the whole point. Is it's like, oh, okay, you can do great stuff. Let's give you a vehicle.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Like a well-known big budget vehicle, see what you do. It's gonna be fun. And that's calm down.
SPEAKER_04:Everything in weapons, you're like, oh, look at look at all these great choices that are made at every turn to make, you know, it's like an entertaining movie.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_04:You know, and you're like, and a lot like Little Evil is, some would say. Just like it. And the last thing I want to say is, have you seen I've seen these short trailers for the running man, and they are literally the worst things I've ever seen.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so I love Glenn Powell. I think that's been pretty clear. I think it's pretty clear. I think everybody, if anybody watches this, I think they know I love Glenn Powell. I'm very concerned. I'm like, I'm like super worried about it. And I, oh god, Chad Powers ended. The season one ended good unreal. So good. Six episodes. Woo! Uh everyone checked that out. Um, I'm so worried, Dan. So concerned.
SPEAKER_04:And Edgar writes, he's a really great director at times.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's what that's what I've heard, right? So I just I don't know, man. Maybe it'll surprise us, you know.
SPEAKER_04:So, Tony, we're gonna be off next week, but then when we come back in two weeks, yeah, we're gonna need a movie to watch.
SPEAKER_03:So give us a movie to watch.
SPEAKER_02:So I just I wanted to, I'm gonna have to watch this on the plane. So I was like, I need something easy, digestible, and fun. Uh, so we're gonna go to the the vault of Will Farrell and we're gonna watch uh Land of the Lost.
unknown:Oh god.
SPEAKER_02:Have you seen Land of the Lost? I did not, I skipped this one in theaters back in the day because I was like, boy, this looks stupid. And I was obviously I didn't have an affinity for the original because I was negative 10 years old or whatever. Um, so you know, you know, coming around 30 years later, let's do this. Uh it's terrible. It's good. Okay, good. Good to hear. I'm so glad.
SPEAKER_04:It's terrible. It's terrible. It's I'm so glad.
SPEAKER_02:Terrible. I'm glad that you've seen it. That makes me excited. All right. How can it be terrible? It's got Danny McBride.
SPEAKER_04:It's got Danny McBride in there, who's I think has I'm sure Brian has the only funny lines in the whole movie.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, that's probably true. Yeah, it's terrible. I'm excited. I'm ready for it.
SPEAKER_04:Land at the last, whatever. Who cares?
SPEAKER_02:I like how resigned you are. This is this is sweet victory.
SPEAKER_04:Well, our house smells like it's on fire.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, I don't know what's going on. Check that out. I would say go check it out. Let us know if you need any help. Um, and we'll see you in two weeks.
SPEAKER_04:And uh, yeah, uh, gonna leave a thought. If you like it, leave us a thumbs up, a comment, subscribe. Uh, if this is only a 12-minute episode, uh email us, we'll tell you our thoughts. I I'll give you the cliff notes. I'll send you a PDF of my notes, you know, just in case. That's great. I won't throw these. I'll send you a lot of things.
SPEAKER_02:I know that my half of the conversation works. So I'll just post a one-sided conversation for the first 90 minutes.
SPEAKER_04:Funniest thing ever.
SPEAKER_02:I would love to. I'll do a drawing of you on the right, just like a we'll do our quick intro.
SPEAKER_04:What's the hey watching with Dan Tony? I'm Dan. I'm Tony. Now just listen to Tony as he talks about the movie, and Dan sits there going like this.
SPEAKER_02:Uh all right. Let's begin. Great. We got it. Cut. Ah, so we'll see you in a couple of weeks. Goodbye, everybody.