Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Nothing But Trouble: The Penis Nose Episode
Ever watch a movie that feels like it was built out of wild props and late-night dreams—and then realize no one bothered to build the world around it? We dive headfirst into Nothing but Trouble, tracing how a killer cast (Dan Aykroyd, Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, John Candy) and a bonkers premise wobble into an unappealing blur of gadgets, traps, and gross-out gags. From the courtroom rollercoaster and the infamous Bone Stripper to a Hawaiian Punch dinner and a cameo from Digital Underground, we break down why spectacle without stakes falls flat—and where the film accidentally shows flashes of the sharper movie it could’ve been.
We talk tone, pacing, and the delicate math of horror-comedy: why absurdity only lands when the world has rules, how character choices give jokes friction, and what happens when you skip setup and chase set pieces. Aykroyd’s judge hints at a better blueprint—a lonely showman versus a gleeful sadist—and we explore how a few structural changes could have turned Vulcanvania into a memorable cult playground rather than a cautionary tale. Along the way, we connect threads to House of Blues, appreciate the handful of precision laughs Chevy sneaks in, and call out John Candy’s split roles and the film’s most head-scratching creations.
Then we zoom out. Gen V returns with Hamish Linklater’s delicious menace, Midnight Mass gets its flowers for character-first dread, and we compare comedy fibers across The Office, Parks and Rec, The Paper, and the Frasier reboot—why some ensembles feel warm and others punch down. It all loops back to the craft: world-building is an engine; jokes and scares are cargo. If the engine sputters, nothing arrives.
Stick around for a celebratory tease: next week we’re queuing up Broken Arrow for Todd’s birthday. Hit follow, share this with your favorite cult-cinema friend, and drop us a note—what one change would fix Nothing but Trouble? Subscribe and leave a review to help more curious listeners find the show.
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Do you remember when you had to tune like video videotape stuff?
SPEAKER_02:No, I don't think I ever had to tune the was that like what was that Betamax? Come on now.
SPEAKER_00:There was so much weird stuff that went on.
SPEAKER_02:Gotta get those lines to match up. What's going on over here? Those were good days, Stan.
SPEAKER_00:Better days. Now we have like these computers that do everything for a lazy.
SPEAKER_02:Now I spent$19.99 on voodoo slash fandango from home, and I don't even own the damn movie. They could technically pull it anytime they want because I'm just borrowing the license. Bullshit.
SPEAKER_00:On the show, we watch a movie. Each week one of us picks a movie alternating between Tony and me.
SPEAKER_02:We sometimes pick movies. We sometimes sing facsimiles of movies. You know what I mean? Just tangenti. They're almost movies.
SPEAKER_00:We gotta actually I think we gotta do we gotta do Broken Arrow for Todd because Todd's birthday's. Yeah, I didn't do the math. Did you do the math? Well, I mean it's September 27th right now. That means that this episode's gonna come out in like six or seven days. So for his birthday, we're gonna probably so our next movie's gonna have to be broken arrow.
SPEAKER_02:Let me pull up a calendar. So next Wednesday is the first. That's when this comes out, and then the following Wednesday is the eighth. You did the math. You were right.
SPEAKER_00:I did not do the math. I'm just sort of faking it. Okay, so well, you nailed it. Fake it till you make it, baby. So this week Tony picked a movie. Next week, we're doing a movie for Todd's birthday. Friend of the show. And then in two weeks, we'll finally get around to what I have on my piece of paper. Great. Unless I've forgotten the movie.
SPEAKER_02:Just write it down, Dan. Just write it down. That's how people do things. All right. Okay. You know what I do sometimes? I make a note on my Google calendar to remind myself in so many days. So like I'll put on my calendar, I'll put an event that just says, hey, pay rent, you know, something like that. And then it pops up and I'm like, what is this event? And I'm like, oh shit, I gotta pay rent. So do that. Just do that for next Saturday.
SPEAKER_00:See, you're that's predicated on me having a Google calendar.
SPEAKER_02:Technology, man. There it is. You gotta get with the program.
SPEAKER_00:Shannon, I have one, and sometimes I'll see a thing and I'm like, what is that? And Shannon will have inputted something onto my calendar.
SPEAKER_02:Onto your calendar. Yeah, I love that. Love that. I got a 15-minute meeting from work the other day, put on my calendar. That usually means you're getting fired, by the way. That's usually like the telltale sign you're getting fired. Um, turns out someone else got fired and they just wanted to let everybody know, but still, it was still a scary moment.
SPEAKER_00:But the fear got in everyone.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. Yep. Keep you out of here. It's great stuff.
SPEAKER_00:So this week, Tony picked a movie. A banger. What banger movie did you pick, Tony?
SPEAKER_02:Uh well, we did um, what did we do two weeks ago that had Dan Aykroyd? I can't remember now. I don't know. Uh I don't know. We did oh Blues Brother. We did Blues Brothers 2000. And I started getting the Accroidian blues as you do, and I was like, what's the worst movie Dan Aykroyd has ever done, according to people? And it was nothing but trouble uh with Chevy Chase, which is um not to give away my location, but that's where I live, uh, on Chevy Chase Drive, named after the actor. Um and uh John Candy's in it, Demi Moore's in it, Tupac's in it, which was Tupac? Yeah, Tupac's in the band. The band that plays.
SPEAKER_00:He's one of the members. Yeah, the band Digital Underground's in this. I I got there, I got a shed and I was like, oh yeah, Digital Underground is in it. And Tupac Shakur's in the band. And she's like, he was not.
SPEAKER_02:I listen, I don't know my underground RB rap history. I don't know if he's in Digital Underground or not. He's definitely in the movie, and he looked so cute and so young and so sweet, and it was a little sad, but you know. Rest in peace, Deepak. You're a good looking guy.
SPEAKER_00:He was in some other he was in the Janet Jackson driving around in the panel truck as a poet movie.
SPEAKER_02:Great. And I think he did like an action movie one time. I don't remember what it was, but I maybe we should do that.
SPEAKER_00:Might have to dig that up. Dig it up, because you know passed away.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um did you say what movie we're doing?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I said nothing but trouble. Nothing but trouble. Also referred to as Vulcanvania. Also a secondary uh they had it called Road to Ruin, which is, I think, a much better name for that. Yeah, I agree. Of those three, I think Vulcanvania is a terrible name for a movie.
SPEAKER_02:Well, it is because it doesn't mean anything, it's a made-up fictitious town, so that means nothing. Um, nothing but trouble is kind of said in the movie. Demi Moore says, Well, you're nothing but trouble to Chevy Chase. Unrelated to any of the events of the film, though, so it's not like a catalyst. Um yeah, Rotaroon is good.
SPEAKER_00:And his character is not nothing but trouble.
SPEAKER_02:He's not the trouble. No, not at all. He's the least trouble. Some of the bunch, but that's fine.
SPEAKER_00:He's just yeah, uh, this is a weird movie.
SPEAKER_02:This is a weird movie. This it's really, really weird. Um I first of all, there's something wrong with Dan Aykroyd, right?
SPEAKER_00:I think we can all agree. We know that. He's a weird UFO guy. He uh Nothing wrong with that. A lot of this imagery and stuff that happens in this movie, he called from his own personal dreams. Hold on.
SPEAKER_02:That's what it's what he said. That's the weirdest sentence you've ever said to me. Did you read any interviews? It's like this was in the on Wikipedia, yeah. Called from my own dreams. Is that the penis nose? Did he dream he had a penis nose? And he was like, I gotta put that in a movie. That's great. That's a 10 out of 10 gag. What if I could take it off?
SPEAKER_00:That's that I I think they made Ghostbusters in like 81 or 83, and they made Ghostbusters 2 in 89, they made this movie in '91. So he was feeling it.
SPEAKER_02:He was in he's in the groove. He's grooving, he's moving, he's making hits after hits. People didn't like Ghostbusters 2 as much, right? If I'm remembering correctly.
SPEAKER_00:I don't think it mattered. You know, it was more it was a sequel that was just the same movie again. Yeah, ever everybody went and saw it, but they didn't go like Of course.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it wasn't like this is the best movie ever.
SPEAKER_00:But they weren't like you need to die.
SPEAKER_02:Which would be this movie leading into Blues Brothers 2000. I think that's the range where people were like, well, he's not he's no good. He lost it.
SPEAKER_00:And he's in such a big makeup that I never felt like he was in the movie. I never felt his presence as an actor in this movie.
SPEAKER_02:Is that a good thing, though? Like he disappeared into the weird old judge. Didn't hear his voice, didn't he? Yeah, no, that was actually pretty impressive.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I won't say it was a good voice.
SPEAKER_00:I'll say it wasn't voice.
SPEAKER_02:But it was a voice. It was a transformative voice. It was a character, and and he did he did it, you know. He had one line I liked. Uh when it commit to the bit, as they say.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, commit to yeah. Not an improv, a bit. Um a bit. 1991, hour and thirty-three minutes. Feels like an hour, yeah. Feels like an hour and long.
SPEAKER_02:Can you imagine if this movie was made today and it was two hours long, it would feel like an eternity.
SPEAKER_00:This movie, well, I see, I I kind of disagree with you. Okay. Hour and 33, you're like, well, what happens in this movie? They leave New York, they get captured, some things happen while they're captured, they escape.
SPEAKER_01:They escape, and we have sort of a twist ending that doesn't make a lick of sense, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That we all saw coming from a thousand miles away. Um so it I I I will I will say it doesn't feel like it it's overstayed its welcome, you know, because it isn't two hours long. If it was two hours long, you would just be in like you guys there's gotta be something more happening than what happened.
SPEAKER_02:In order to overstay your welcome, you have to be welcome at some point. You know what I mean? Like I have to open the door and let you in and be in chit-chat a little bit and be like, oh, we're having a great time, but well, you know, it's time for you to go. I don't even want to open the door. I looked at the people and I'm like, nope, this this movie's not coming in.
SPEAKER_00:You know, I just wonder if they stop making movies at Star Wars, you know, where things actually look like something.
SPEAKER_02:You know, because uh Pirates of the Caribbean. I will always come back to Pirates. Pirates is a perfect film.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it feels like a real universe, doesn't it? It does.
SPEAKER_02:Although the longer the more they made, the less it did. So I you know, I guess I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:Well, no, no, no, but it's just like you don't feel like Johnny Depp is stepping off of a robotic boat onto a onto a sound.
SPEAKER_02:The first movie is a is a lived in, it's a it's it's yeah, it's good.
SPEAKER_00:And that's that's always my sort of thing, is when I look at something, I'm like, does this feel real to me, or does this feel like this is on the back lot? You know, there's there's no real jeopardy at all, nothing's really happening. I don't care. I mean, these aren't characters I have any attachment to, these are not characters really even going through anything.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's true.
SPEAKER_00:Um yeah, nothing but totally. Here we go. New York City.
SPEAKER_01:Um beautiful shot.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, it's weird. Did you notice that it's like the cameras moving as if someone is like controlling this camera under a helicopter on this opening shot? I don't know. It was really weird. But it did make me nostalgic just for the the idea of New York in the 90s was very cool and very hip. And like I got that vibe, and I just don't feel like that vibe is there anymore. No offense, East Coast. But it just, you know, it's different. It's different now. Yeah, it's true.
SPEAKER_00:New York was a thing, you know. It was cool, man. Very specific thing. We meet we meet Chevy Chase's Christ Thorne. He's rich, he gives good financial advice. Um I I guess kind of a slight kind of a dick, but not really.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, just you're Chevy Chase, you know, just like kind of a dick for no reason all the time to everybody, but it's not necessarily malicious.
SPEAKER_00:It's just he's he's he's a dick. He's just kind of like, and he throws off a lot of lines, of which one or two, maybe three are are funny.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, but they're all, you know, sarcastic.
SPEAKER_00:So he's kind of good he's got that down. And it's like used in a good movie, he's he's great.
SPEAKER_02:He's great, yeah. Boy, did he mess all that up. I don't know boy.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I guess I guess on the set he was was quite a dick and nobody liked him.
SPEAKER_02:Hey, there's a surprise. If only it's if only that had come out somewhere else as well.
SPEAKER_00:Uh here comes Demi Moore. He's at the elevator. He there's some people he knows behind there. I assumed it was going to be a girlfriend, but it's not. He lets her in the elevator and the and closes it before this other girl gets in there. We never see that other girl again, so we don't make it to the party as far as I know. She is stuck in the lobby somehow. I don't know. Uh Demi Moore wears all white, the reddest red lipstick, and she is transcendently beautiful in this movie.
SPEAKER_02:Is her makeup kind of white as well?
SPEAKER_00:She looks she looks like she's made of porcelain.
SPEAKER_02:That's that is the word. I was trying, I was I kept saying glass, but that's wrong. You are absolutely right. It is porcelain, and that has to be a very specific choice, right? Yeah, I don't know. It's very interesting.
SPEAKER_00:She gets a little her clothes get a little dirty as the movie goes along, but just a little. Just a little. Because we don't really live in this world. You know, they're almost murdered many times, but she never really goes through anything. She never seems to be she's good. She's alright. Yeah. So she's kind of at the height of her beauty beauty, not that it ever went away, but she's fairly amazing. Um, she's crying, and then we have this whole thing where she needs to go to Atlantic City because a boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, something boyfriend, some sort of deal. We never understand. She's a lawyer.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, she's a lawyer, and there's some sort of lawyer lawyering deals that she's getting cut out of because of her relationship with the client. That's what I got out of it. That's I don't know any specifics. I don't know why she needs to go to Atlantic City, uh, but she needs to get there. There's that's important, Dan. Well, she wants to get there. She doesn't really need to get there. Right? That's true. Once they're in the town, she kind of forgets about it a little bit.
SPEAKER_00:They mention it a few times, but it's not like I lose there's no stakes involved in her getting to this thing.
SPEAKER_02:No, she's just like, yeah, I should I should get there. I should probably get there. Anywho. Yeah, so they go. Let's take a detour because that'll be fun. Because she does agree with the detour in the car. So that's on her.
SPEAKER_00:So they go to the party. They basically he she's like, You have a car, let me borrow your car. I'm a great driver. We say that multiple times. We never find out that she's a bad driver.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, does she ever drive? I'm trying to remember. She gets in the car, but the car's not working. Yeah. Yes.
SPEAKER_00:I don't think she drives. So we set up that she thinks she's a good driver. We never explore that. I trust her. You know, I trust her implicitly. We're not supposed to believe her. We're supposed to think that she's a terrible driver.
SPEAKER_02:But I don't. All right, because I believe her, Dan. Okay. She's telling the truth.
SPEAKER_00:She's an angel. So he's like, I'll take you. And then these other Taylor Negron and this other woman hear that and they decide to tag along for no reason.
SPEAKER_02:They don't even know where they're going. They're just like, yeah, let's do a road trip. Which is like, uh, that's fun, I guess.
SPEAKER_00:You know? That's and they're completely unnecessary characters.
SPEAKER_02:If you wrote them out of this movie, 100% no one would notice. And I not to be rude, because what's his name? I like him a lot. Taylor Negron, very funny. Yeah, yeah. Love him. In this movie, doesn't add a whole lot. You know how like sometimes there's characters that add some color to it, some jokes, and it's funny, and you're like plot-wise, you could lift right out, but I'm glad you're here because you're helping me emotionally get through this. Um they don't really add anything.
SPEAKER_00:It's uh Bronson Pinch show in Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, God, he's so good. You put somebody you put somebody funny in a role, they make that scene matter, they get to have a career.
SPEAKER_02:Chew it up, chew up that scenery, baby. Yeah, that's what it's all about. You gotta make the most of all of your opportunities. That's what most people do. Not all of us, Dan.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, not all of us.
SPEAKER_00:So they're they're gonna tag along. The next day he's hung over, and then he's all like, okay, tell her, tell her to just take the she they're talking about the garage guy. Garage guy, probably the best actor in the movie.
SPEAKER_02:He's definitely up there. He also got my biggest laugh of the movie.
SPEAKER_04:So there it is.
SPEAKER_00:See, and that's what it is. He didn't even have really a comedic role, but you were like, all his lines were timed perfectly, they hit, you understood who he was. You know, he's yeah, you he's the he's great. I think he might he might be related to Chevy. There's some uh somebody, the dorm's related to Chevy. I don't know who this guy is, but whatever. Okay. But here comes Demi Moore out of the elevator, just a knockout. And so he's like, whatever you need.
SPEAKER_02:It's a great moment because he it gives he gives the driver the keys or the garage guy the keys, and he's like, just tell her to take it. She comes out of the the elevator, and this is my favorite part of the movie, without saying anything other than give me the keys, the driver guy or the garage guy takes Banaka, some breast spray, does it to himself, and then does it to Chevy. And I was like, that's a great moment. That's like a that's a really tight moment, and we don't get any more moments for the rest of the movie. So you gotta really enjoy this one.
SPEAKER_00:It is a it's just tight. That's a bit, right? That's a it's a bit, and it's nice. And and you just go like, we and we understand who each of these guys is, we understand what they want, we understand they're working in a concert, and it's perfect.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's perfect. It's great, it's a lovely moment. I was like, maybe this movie isn't gonna be that bad. It was.
SPEAKER_00:Then they have the rest of the then we we did the rest of the movie. Yep. So they're trying to get out before the other people show up. The other people show up, they go in the back. We got four people heading out. Um he's got a computer car, which doesn't mean anything. Um at one point we say, she asks him, How long have you been divorced? And he says, Four years. Do you still love her? Sort sort of.
SPEAKER_02:And then he says, Nope, I've been over it for weeks. Which like is kind of funny. Like it's it's funny how he delivers it. He does a nice, a nice breath in mid-like, no, I've I've been over it for weeks. Great, great delivery. Has nothing to do with anything, so like it comes out of nowhere, it's never talked about again. I don't I don't understand what's happening.
SPEAKER_00:I don't I don't get it. Yeah. So the crazy foreign people, the Argentinians, they want to have a picnic, so they get off on this weird side road, they it's all terrible uh coal mines and stuff. They go through this little town, they accidentally run a stop sign, which leads to them being chased by John Candy, who's the sheriff, who's like general normal good guy. I kinda, yeah. I don't I don't know. You know, he's been he's been part of spoilers murdering people for hundreds years.
SPEAKER_02:Hundreds. Hundreds to thousands of people, I would say. I I mean I don't know the number. When they're looking at license plate, Chevy literally says there's thousands of them. So it's a lot, it's a lot of dead people.
SPEAKER_00:And there's one to four people per car, so they there easily could be two or three thousand people that have been killed by the situation. He's part of it. By the end of the movie, he just leaves and gets has goes off to a good life.
SPEAKER_02:A great life. Smoking, smoking hot wife, living in the I don't know where they are, but a huge mansion of some sort. It's great. He did he did real well for himself. Might have been Brazil, actually.
SPEAKER_00:Because it was the big uh the big uh Christ up on the hill. That's Brazil.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, there you go. You would know that, right, Tony? Yeah, yeah. From uh Fast and the Furious. That's not even a joke. They probably went there, didn't they? They absolutely did. Yes. They probably jumped hiding there. They jumped a car off. You find the highest building and then you just constantly jump and you just throw cars off of it. I mean, it's great. Drive a car into space, no big deal. So the name of the town is Vulcanvania. I'm glad that you wrote it down of some sort, because I would never remember other than Vulcan. That's all I remember, and that's just from Star Trek.
SPEAKER_00:It's not Vulcan, it's Vulcan, V-A-L-K. It's Vulcan, like the Vulcan death. Yep, it is.
SPEAKER_02:It is. Live long and prosper, my friend.
SPEAKER_00:Wait, what is it called? Pinch? What does he call it? It doesn't kill you, it just knocks you out. Oh, it knocks you like that? Yeah, stun. It's like a stunt. I mean, if you did it on top of a big bridge, you know, you'd knock out over the bridge.
SPEAKER_02:They tumbled to their death. Sure, sure.
SPEAKER_00:So what do they call it?
SPEAKER_02:Just the neck pinch. What is it called? Hold on. I gotta I gotta look this up. There's a name. They say the name.
SPEAKER_00:There is a name for it.
SPEAKER_02:The Vulcan Mind melt.
SPEAKER_00:There's the mind melt. That's the other thing they can do.
SPEAKER_02:Sergeant Leonard Nimoy. Uh nerve pinch. Vulcan nerve pinch. I don't think that's right. Okay. That's not as exciting as it's the death, it's the death grip. What?
SPEAKER_00:So basically he's got a fast car, so he's like, I'm gonna outrun this guy. There's like a a fence that closes so they can't get away, and then eventually it's Well, and and you see Candy flipping switches in his car to control all these things.
SPEAKER_02:The bridge, the fence, the flames on the back of his car to go faster, turbo boost. Uh I I don't know. I don't understand. You don't understand the mindless gadget. Why has he got the go go gadget car? I don't I don't get it, man.
SPEAKER_00:Uh Dan Eckred must have had a dream. Uh second, second police, which is the police lady, which is John Candy's cousin, brother, I don't know, some relationship. Um with a big gun. They pat them down, they say, Follow me to the Reeve. R E V R E. Which is is that I have no idea. That's not his name. It's it's almost like it's his. Is that a title? It's almost like it's his title.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know. I just ignored it. Because I don't when I don't understand things, I just ignore them. The Reeve. I got nothing. Nothing says this. So they basically drive through a bunch of Hey Reeve is a manager of a landowner's estate. So there you go. He wasn't that. Um no, I don't think so either. That's what that's what uh Google says that is the definition.
SPEAKER_00:Uh they go over a drawbridge, they say talk about folk art, look at all the toasters, there's something negative about this place. There's this haunted house kind of building that looks like it's a tidy model. Um boom, they get there, and here comes Dan Eckroyd in this makeup.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Did you love it?
SPEAKER_00:It just didn't look like it just looked like a gross out makeup, and not in a good way. It doesn't look human. No.
SPEAKER_02:And then and then later when they do the babies, it's even like a step further away from human. And I'm just I don't I guess I don't understand are they goblins? Context.
SPEAKER_00:Context, okay. Dan Eckroyd and someone, maybe one of the producers, went to see the horror movie Hellraiser because the guy had just had an operation and he didn't want to laugh, but they wanted to go to the movies. So they went to Hellraiser. I believe it was Hellraiser, right? That could have been ninety like in the 80s, right? Was Hellraiser in the 18th century? Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, sure, sure.
SPEAKER_00:They went to Hellraiser, they went there, and everybody in the theater was laughing. Oh, okay. Uh you know, I guess people laugh in horror movies, do they? I don't know. Yeah, we do. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Um it happens, it depends. Yeah, so they were laughing. So they they left the movie and they were like, you know, we should make a horror comedy because the horror fans already like it. This movie is so unhorrific, it's just sort of it's just childish gross.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Yeah, it's just a gross out.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:But not in a good is there like a good gross out movie? Not that I've ever seen, no. I don't really enjoy gross things for gross sake.
SPEAKER_00:You know what I mean? But they're I guess the thing with gross things is they're not even gross, they're just sort of gross looking. So you're just like, that's unappealing.
SPEAKER_02:Unappealing is a great word for the entire film. Yeah. It's a good, like, that's a that's a good one-note recap. You know what I mean? Nothing but trouble. Period. Unappealing, period. That's the whole review.
SPEAKER_00:So he's the judge. He has their IDs, he does not like Jeffy Chase because he's a banker, but he's not a banker, he's a financial banker.
SPEAKER_02:He's not a banker.
SPEAKER_00:He's a financial uh advisor.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. He's got his own newsletter, which I love.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So basically he's mad at them, and they sort of use the F F no the S word. And so he's like, okay, you're confined here till tomorrow, and then we'll talk about it later.
SPEAKER_02:And they're like, no, no. No, thank you, no thanks. We don't want to stay. Uh understandably so.
SPEAKER_00:He says, oh, here's the one line he says, he says, oh, I guess John Candy's like his son or something.
SPEAKER_02:Or grandson, one of the two. Because John Candy as a girl is the granddaughter, right? Because it's not daughter.
SPEAKER_00:I guess so. Because the weird kids are grandkids. I know that.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, okay. So maybe it is daughter. Maybe it's daughter and son. So, yeah, son and daughter.
SPEAKER_00:He's going to be the next Reeve. So we sort of set up that there's, you know, some jealousy, but not really. We don't have to do anything with that. And then he's like something about the next Reeve, and then uh the judge says, Go suck a bug. I like that line.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, you like that, great. I mean, he listen, Aykroyd throws out a ton of one-liners. So the fact that you liked one, I think he would take that as a win.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I didn't laugh. Uh pushes pushes the button, the floor falls out, they fall in sort of a ball pit. Into yeah, into what? What are the what is this? I couldn't figure out what it was. They pull one out and it sort of looks like a rubber insect or something, but I never figured out what they what they fell into. Nope. And this is the point at which Debbie Moore and Chevy Chase have a big fight. Yeah. Why? I don't know. It was the weirdest fight.
SPEAKER_02:Other than clearly, they were reading them Sid Field books and we're like, well, this is page 30 of our script. We need this to happen now. By the way, people, if you haven't read the Sid Field books, they're great. They're really good.
SPEAKER_00:Is that Save the Cat? I read Save the Cat. It was good.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Well, some of them are gone. I actually haven't read any of them.
SPEAKER_00:Then why are you saying they're not going to be able to do it?
SPEAKER_02:Because people talk about them like they're great. This is why I can't sell a screenplay.
SPEAKER_00:The Brazilians fire Chevy Chase. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Great stuff. Yep.
SPEAKER_00:Uh now we have a no. Oh god, this whole scene. We have one of the Baldwin boys.
SPEAKER_02:Which one of the Baldwin boys? So it is a Baldwin. I I was like, I think this is a Baldwin, but I don't know who this is. It's not Steven. I believe you. It's not Steven. It's not. No, because Steven does real work. Alec is obviously well known.
SPEAKER_00:It's Billy. It's Billy Baldwin. It's Billy Baldwin.
SPEAKER_02:Billy Baldwin. Yeah. Okay, so that's a joke from forgetting Sarah Marshall, right? You're fucking Billy Baldwin, aren't you? You don't remember that movie?
SPEAKER_00:I saw it once. It was very funny. But now we kind of have to hate what's his name because he's old.
SPEAKER_02:It is Daniel Baldwin.
SPEAKER_00:Daniel Baldwin.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, the Brit. The Brit from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Why can't I remember his name? Russell. Russell Davies. Russell.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, Russell. Russell something.
SPEAKER_02:Well, good news, I've already forgotten him. That's how that's how much it mattered to me that we had to cancel him. Get him to the Greek.
SPEAKER_00:Very funny movie.
SPEAKER_02:Also fun.
SPEAKER_01:Yep.
SPEAKER_00:Um they pull these guys over, they're drunk, take them in front of the judge. They're like, pull cocaine off them, pull all this stuff off them. They're like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You're like, why are you laughing at the judge that's gonna put you in jail for like your entire lives because of all the drugs and alcohol?
SPEAKER_02:Yep, like this is a real crime. This is a very real crime that you've committed, and uh no one seems to care.
SPEAKER_00:Uh boom. You're in trouble. They laugh at the judge. He sends put pushes the button, they get sucked out on a roller coaster into the bone stripper and get You're going real fast over the roller coaster. Yeah, I roller coaster.
SPEAKER_02:What's happening? What what's going on here, Dan?
SPEAKER_00:Dan Eckrid had a dream. Where this would be funny.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, but don't you think at some point you wake up from dreams and then you think about them and you're like, well, that was just weird. Wasn't funny, just weird. Don't need to put that in a movie. Why is there a roller coaster from the courtroom area to the what is it called? The bone crusher? Stripper. Stripper, the bone stripper. Yeah. I I just, man, it's weird. It's we there's some there's something going on up here, man. It's wild stuff. Yep. And it's not funny, but it's got cool rock music while it has. There's cool rock music. So that's something.
SPEAKER_00:They get spit out, and they've these four people are now murdered, and uh just a pile of bones.
SPEAKER_02:And it goes into an even bigger pile of bones because they don't bury any of the bones, they just keep the bones up.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Oh boy.
SPEAKER_00:Now it's supper time. Everybody's at the table. The judge gets lowered down from above. Oh, this was funny.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:He's like, Who wants Hawaiian punch? Then he takes like an oil thing, puts it into a can of Hawaiian punch, pours Hawaiian punch, hands one to Chevy, and Chevy says, A nice warm glass of Hawaiian punch. Yep.
SPEAKER_02:Nice. It's good.
SPEAKER_00:Very funny.
SPEAKER_02:Also, it made me a little nostalgic. Like Hawaiian punch from a can? That's my childhood, man. Oh, wow. I mean, that's summer days, right? I mean, ours is chilled, obviously. Um, because we're not savages. You're not out. Come on. That's a good day.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, so Chevy can he can just, you know, he could just drop lines very easily. And he does.
SPEAKER_02:He does throughout the movie. It just this movie's so insane that it's hard. I feel like it's hard to land a grounded, sarcastic line in this cr in this crazy world. That's how I feel.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. He needs to be continuously amping up the situation, right? Yeah. You know, where he's like, what, you know, because this he's a rational guy in an irrational world, and he has to play that. He can't play the disaffected whatever because that's not the situation.
SPEAKER_02:Correct. Yeah, 100%.
SPEAKER_00:You know? Oh, we don't have that character really. We don't have we we left that character out.
SPEAKER_02:Because Demi's kind of out there. She just kind of like part parts of it, she's like into it, it seems like it's really weird. I don't know. Uh, we do Ants on a Log. John Candy has Ants on a Log. I wrote that down for you, Dan. I was like, look at this. This is a beautiful moment. We've talked about it several times on the show. One of the best snacks of all time. Dan hates its guts. And I was just so happy that it came up. It just it I it tickled me. I'll tell you that right now. Disgusting. And I can't, it even looks good. I don't know if someone was like, it looks so terrible. First of all, their celery is a foot long. Like they took a whole celery stock. That's too much. That's too much. You just need those little strips that you get at the groceries. Well, you like the junior celeries for this. I like the little because the the ratio is too much. Like if I'm snapping into a giant celery that is the size of my arm bone, what's that? The tibia? I don't know. I made that up. Femur. Femur. Femur. That's my femur's are pretty big. I don't know. Oh, is that the legs? Femur's legs? Yeah, femur's the. I think that's the top. Oh, maybe it's tibia. We should go back to anatomy. Tibia, tibia, tibia, tibia. Well, those should be if two. Yeah. Radius all nuts. Anyhow, it's too much celery. So I like the little celery. But the peanut butter was looking pretty good. I don't know, man. I was into it.
SPEAKER_00:Tony took a snack break at this moment.
SPEAKER_02:I had to pause the movie, go make some ants on a log, come on back.
SPEAKER_00:Boom. Here comes John Candy and Drag is El Dona, who was struck dumb at birth by a thunderclap. So she doesn't have to speak because they didn't want John Candy to have to do a lady's voice like this. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Like, I guess, you know, that's a good way around being weirdly offensive, right? I don't know. I wasn't mad at it. I was just like, okay, just maybe don't do it.
SPEAKER_00:You know? Don't know. It was just weird. You're just like, oh, well, at least we're not gonna have to listen to this character talk ever.
SPEAKER_02:Sure, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:For the best. Um we did this bit where he talks about these United Coke industry bonds that were worthless.
SPEAKER_02:Did you get it? Was that a real thing? I don't know if this was like a real joke on at the time. I have no idea.
SPEAKER_00:I thought it was a setup for them realizing that these were worth lots of money. Like Coca-Cola, like that. Yeah, or something.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know. He serves them hot dogs.
SPEAKER_02:There's a condiment train. So those are not hot dogs, by the way. I don't know if anybody else noticed that. Hot dog is not that color. If anything, it's a bratwurst. Um, but uh boy were they gross. They made them real slippery and I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:Wrapping them in a piece of bread. He's like shown eating, and then he has shit all over his face. Just mashing it in, which is, I mean, it's a funny visual, but and this this is one of the two time two times in the movie where we get the real good close-up on his penis nose from the side where you can see his nose is literally uh penis.
SPEAKER_02:It's a little ahead. Yeah. Now, so and we can talk about this later if you prefer, but he takes it off at some point. Yeah, it does. So am I to understand that he cut off one of his victim's penises and like that's what he's wearing on his face? Well, that makes sense. I didn't think about that. Uh yeah. It has to be like I can't think of any other explanation for what's happening in this movie. Um, but that's crazy, and also someone should notice.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and you gotta if this if this is a horror movie, let's let's do that. Let's go there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But we don't be good. Yeah. Cuts it off. What size is your penis, Mr. Jeffrey James? You know, okay.
SPEAKER_03:I'm looking for an upgrade.
SPEAKER_00:Uh someone gets shot with a pickle. Oh, the building shakes, and we we we understand that there's a there's an underground fire, and we're like, well, that's gonna happen at some point in the movie.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. Um, somebody gets shot with a pickle. The uh the what did you say? They Argentinian? Whatever, the sister. Yeah, the Brazilian sister gets shot with a pickle. Brazilian, sorry, that's what you said. Yeah. They run, then this is one of my favorite lines of the movie. Let's not go over when before they run, the brother stands up and he's given his rant, and he says, I won't have my sister sitting at a table with pickles with a pickle shooting train. That's what he says, and then they jump out the window. So and I was like, what a crazy sentence.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and it it points out that most of the best lines in this movie are just the people pointing out what is happening. What is happening, what the craziness is happening in this movie.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that is correct.
SPEAKER_00:So they run away, they get out, uh, Chevy Chase gets grabbed by El Dona, who wants to have sex with him at some point.
SPEAKER_01:Um, eat him alive.
SPEAKER_00:The Brazilians go to the toxic moat and fall in. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Um didn't seem all that toxic. They were fine. Something terrible had to happen to them. Right. Like when we see them at the end of the movie, we need to know that they went through toxic sluts. Yeah. We do not. They look great.
SPEAKER_00:Missing a hand. Something had to have happened.
SPEAKER_02:Something. Something. But they look great.
SPEAKER_00:They're fine. Uh they lock Chevy and Demi in a room. There's papers on the floor. He's gonna start a fire. That doesn't mean anything. Yeah. Uh I wrote, we'll give you money. Talk about. I don't know. There's some something happened. I don't I don't even know what this scene is. Oh, I see.
SPEAKER_02:Is this this is when they start kissing or something?
SPEAKER_00:No, they get out of the toxic. The Brazilians get out of the toxic run into John Candy and they're like, We'll give you money. We'll we'll give you, you know, this. And he's like, okay, I'm helping you. Hide here. So he's helping them for unknowable reasons.
SPEAKER_02:For none for yeah, for nothing at all.
SPEAKER_00:Back in the room, Demi and Chevy, they talk about it like the city. They talk about picking the wrong guy. He says he's a jerk. And then But she's kissing him.
SPEAKER_02:Then they start making sense. She's like, I always kid I always pick the wrong guy's kiss, kiss, kiss, and then like are talking in between kisses. It's a very weird scene, Dan. I enjoyed it. I don't get it. No, I mean, sure. I just didn't understand it from a character perspective. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Well, you can't. There's nothing to understand. Sure, sure. Then she's like, I gotta lie down, and she just goes over and falls asleep. You're just like, Yep. That's weird. It's insane. Yeah, yeah. It's it's wild stuff. Chevy gets in, snuggles with her. Somebody's watching him through the painting. I guess it was the judge.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, we don't know because it we never revisit that. Like we don't know if there's holes in the walls somewhere. We don't know anything. Just that there were eyes. That's all we know.
SPEAKER_00:We do a bugle, we do a bed turn, she wakes up, then we open the door. I think what I think what's happening here is that John Candy's character is manipulating them to defeat the judge. I think that's what you think is happening. I think that's what's happening. I think I think that's the way.
SPEAKER_02:So that's true.
SPEAKER_00:John Candy with the eyes. I think.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Because he manipulates them. Uh she lies down to the clocks. They start going up, they go to, they go. This was funny. They start opening the doors, and this one is the bat room. And all these bats, and there's this giant pile of fat shit. Guano. And she's like, she says, guano. Yep.
SPEAKER_02:Like, it's so weird. It's it's bizarre because they're not, they're obviously not reacting to what, like in an in a real way, because they're just going down and they're making jokes. And the joke is just pointing out what's in the room. Again, you're right. It's just literally pointing out the things they're seeing. But he opens a door and it's like a bunch of dead balls. He's like, ah, must be the nursery. Closes it. Very funny. They open the next thing and goes, ah, bat room. And then she goes, Guano, and walks away. And I was just like, I don't, I don't understand what's happening. It's so weird. Because only But I did laugh.
SPEAKER_00:I did laugh. Only Chevy Chase could deliver the line, Batroom. Bat room.
SPEAKER_02:Like, fuck you. Okay. I don't understand. Uh it's good. It's like this is so these are my, I think we've done all my laughs now. Oh, which I'm pretty sure. We're done with. I don't I don't. I might have one or two more, but I don't I don't I can't. All right. Well, you let me know if you find them. I think that was my last one because that's the last note that I made. I have one thing I have to say, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_00:Um so they end up in the attic. There's like a safe that closes their exit. I don't understand. Um, and they find the IDs of everyone that they've killed, including Jimmy Hoffa. Um you you you're too young, but uh the Jimmy Hoffa death was a thing that everyone was sort of obsessed with. You know, like you know, they're like, oh, he's buried under first base under the uh Yankee Stadium. There everyone always wanted to know where Jimmy Hoffa was buried. It was the most he was the most significant buried person that no one knew how he was killed or what happened to his body.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, okay. That makes a lot of sense then that it's in this movie, and that's the answer. Yeah, that's what they figured it out. They figured it out, everybody. Rest easy.
SPEAKER_00:Um Eldona is off cutting up his beamer. Um Demi and Chevy hate hug. They start smoking the cigars because they are now in love.
SPEAKER_02:I don't I don't follow. I don't understand.
SPEAKER_00:I think this this door appears and there's a slide going down, and I think John Candy is the one who made that door appear.
SPEAKER_02:He is, so he's if they do like quick cuts to somebody controlling the things, and they do a cut of it being John Candy. Oh, do it? So it is him. Okay, I remember that. I just don't I didn't know why, but I guess I guess it makes sense what you're saying, I guess.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so he's manipulating them because they are the two people that are gonna be successful in defeating the judge.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Uh I have a real problem with this slide, Dan. Yes, what do you have a problem with the sliding scene? Yes, I I know what your problem is. Flipping over as she's sliding down the slide.
SPEAKER_00:Why is she flipping over? You missed the main point. Oh, but Chevy, Chevy says at the beginning, okay, control your descent. Yeah. The whole time they have their arms right down next to the controlling your descent. You put your hands out and you control your descent. They never do that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you use your feet because they're wearing fucking shoes on a slide. You can stop yourself instantaneously. Um, I just don't get it. She keeps flipping her body over. Slides don't do that. Because it's funny. It's funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. I just didn't get it. I was just like, why are you flipping over? What are you doing, girl? You didn't get it because it was funny. I didn't get it. You're absolutely right. If you'd have made it to Sunday Company, you'd have got it. Shannon's mad, she shut your door. I don't know if he's She's mad at you.
SPEAKER_00:She's mad at me. She can hear me? No, no. Um, okay.
SPEAKER_02:Too stupid to get nothing but trouble.
SPEAKER_00:Jimmy ends up outside. Chevy goes a different route and ends up through a peephole where he's able to watch the judge. The judge doesn't have hair, he wears a wig, he doesn't have a nose, he wears a penis. He's missing a leg, he lays down. So when you say it like that, it is funny.
SPEAKER_02:Why isn't it funny in the movie? You know what I mean? Like when you just described it, I did laugh. He doesn't have a nose, he has a penis. Like, I guess if I was in a pitch room, that might make me giggle. Well but they didn't do anything funny with it. Because his character's not funny, he's just weird. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You know, if he's like, ah, it gotta take off the old penis nose. Sure. Sure. Why did I turn that man's penis into my own nose? I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:What if they gave it what if they gave it underwear while he slept, you know? That'd be cute.
SPEAKER_00:The penis? He put on like head underwear for his his nose penis? See, that's funnier than the movie. But I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:I I don't know, man.
SPEAKER_00:Some movies you cannot diagnose because you're like sure.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Too far gone. We're too far gone.
SPEAKER_00:Um, Demi gets to the BMW, it's in part. She tries to make a phone call, she tries to start it, and then here come the grandsons. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I don't I don't understand. How old are they? Are they babies? Because they have baby heads with the curly Q hairs. Who had them? Also a great question. Who had them? Great question. What size were they when they came out? I'm curious. Um, I just don't get it because they're in diapers and they have baby heads, but they're fully grown giant fat slobs with four boobs.
SPEAKER_00:One of them, I think, was played by somebody, like one of like Dan Eckroyd's brother or something, played one of them. And then Dan Eckroyd had to play the other one because nobody wanted to play that role.
SPEAKER_02:I understandably so. I would if I got that casting breakdown from my agent, I would be like, What the fuck are you sending? You're fired. You are absolutely fired. Get out of here.
SPEAKER_00:It's very weird that you have a uh have a role in a major Hollywood movie and they literally wants to get anyone to do the role. So the We can't pay anyone to do this. What's happened? The star writer director has to take on a second giant uh costumed role. Oh, he wanted to play the Chevy Chase character and the judge.
SPEAKER_01:Thank God somebody told him no.
SPEAKER_02:The only way this movie could get worse is if you took Chevy Chase out of it and put someone else in it. That would be very bad.
SPEAKER_00:Um, well, or if he also played the Demi Moore character, too.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Well, but now if he's playing all three, I think I'm into it again. I don't know why, but it's some something weird there.
SPEAKER_00:You want to go full nutty professor? You're ready for that? Yes, please. Uh they stopped some more speeders.
SPEAKER_02:Who is it? If there was only two actors in this movie, and it was John Candy doing eight characters and Akroy doing 12 characters, I think I would get behind it because then it's so batshit crazy that it just might work, Dan.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, if you put John if you put John Candy in another role, it might work to make you not think about the sister.
SPEAKER_01:Sure. Yeah. Good luck with that. Good luck.
SPEAKER_00:Um so boom, boom, boom. They they stop another car. This time it's the band Digital Underground, switches the do the hump di hump, do the hump di hump. Well, that's the only reason I know the name. Um the lead singer of that, very funny.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, no, like has some wonderful little bits in the courtroom. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Uh they they're much they do much better in the courtroom than anyone else. Think about that for a second. 100%.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. They do better than that first group of people with uh Daniel Baldwin, for sure. Yeah. Uh, it's just it's weird because then they do a musical number. Yes, they do. And I am uh I'm a little dumbfounded at that. And then Aykroyd jumps on the keys and plays the organ for a little bit, and people are like, yeah, this guy's cool as shit. I don't understand what's happening, Dan.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna drop a break this down. Are you ready for a knowledge bump? So, so I'm ready. So there's one scene where Demi Moore's playing card, she's in a cage and she's playing cards with the with the grand to see who gets to molest her or something. That is what they're playing for, yeah. Like, I get her. Okay. Let's leave that aside. Then, like I say, then then they start playing, you know, they bring in the instruments and Digital Underground starts playing. He joins in. This movie made in 1991. In 1993, Dan Aykroyd co-founds the House of Blues.
SPEAKER_02:No shit.
SPEAKER_00:I actually I didn't know that. He and the Hard Rock Cafe guy come together off the success of Hard Rock Cafe and form the House of Blues and end up now. There's 11 of them out there.
SPEAKER_02:There's yeah, and they're great. House of Blues is cool. It's a cool joint.
SPEAKER_00:So Dan Eckridge smartly did not direct. I mean, maybe he directed another film after this. I don't know, but he realized that he should diversify his situation.
SPEAKER_02:You got you gotta diversify your portfolio, everybody. That's how you make wealth, okay? Yeah, I've been learning about this for the past couple years at my job here. You really want to diversify your sources of income. All right. I don't have any sources of income, so I'm not doing a great job. But also, like, hats off to this. Clearly, he he genuinely does love the blues, by the way. He does music, and you know, it's it's and you gotta respect that, you know?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, if if there wasn't murders in the middle of this thing and this wasn't trying to be a horror movie and a gross app movie, there could be something interesting here that's funny. Like this well I don't know about funny. Well, if he wasn't this gross judge, if he was just this weird judge guy who is lonely and bored and does this thing to to drag these people in here and then just like puts the you know, just puts them through like a thing, you know, because he because he's if he was just fun, like what else am I doing? If he was lonely versus being a murderer, this is ten times more interesting a movie.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, I agree with that.
SPEAKER_00:You know, Chevy Chase is like this rich guy, and he just wants to get out of here, and then they you know, they figure something out.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But instead, he's murdered. Thousands, thousands of them, Dan. Um, okay, boom. Now, Chef, this is the so he lets the musicians go. Do they just drive away? I don't even remember.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, he just lets them go, right? And then they just they just leave. And Chevy like tries to go with him. He like runs up, he's like, please help me, help me. These people are crazy. And they I don't remember what they said, but they turn back and they're like, It's all right, I was nervous on my wedding night too. Because we're into the part where he's supposed to be getting married. Um and yeah, they just they just bounce and just roll on by.
SPEAKER_00:So he's got a marry Eldona. Eldona comes down in the wedding dress. Interesting dress.
SPEAKER_01:Sure, sure, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Uh yeah, they get married and uh they try to get married and then he goes crazy.
SPEAKER_02:There's a nice Chevy Chase moment when he's supposed to say, I do. Yeah. And I don't I don't know if he's breaking. He's probably not. I'm sure he's deft enough to like make it look like he's almost, but like he's got this smile on him as he's trying to spit it out. He's like, I I well I um I well, I do. You know, like it was it's a really nice little moment. Sure. Um, I just like to shout out nice things. I've said three so far, so that's pretty good.
SPEAKER_00:Up to three. Uh so then the marriage is off, and they send Chevy to the grinder, but the grinder busts, breaks, and he was like, oh, he was doing it.
SPEAKER_02:Why don't people just run backwards on the on the conveyor belt? It's a pretty slow conveyor belt.
SPEAKER_00:No, it's pretty fast. He was running backwards on it.
SPEAKER_02:He was I mean I could do it. I was in high school, we had a super fast treadmill thing where you have to like get hooked up. I'm sure this is something that people know, and I'm not talking about something people don't know. But you have to like you get harnessed in and then they hook you up to the things because it's gonna go so fast, you're literally gonna fly off the back. It was the coolest thing in the world. Uh when I got up to 16.1 miles per hour one time, Dan. That was that's not bad. That's not bad for a guy my size. What did the fast riders get up to? We don't need to talk about the people that are faster than me.
SPEAKER_00:I was talking about do you remember what the fast riders got up to?
SPEAKER_02:Okay. I don't remember because, but it is it was in the 20s, like the low 20s for sure, because there was a board of like the top scorers isn't the right, but like fastest times or whatever. Um, I was never close to that. But I wasn't bad. You know what I mean? It was okay. I did okay. So I think I could do this. All right. That's all I'm saying. Granted, I haven't moved faster than a walk in 18 years. So I'm not even sure I could still run. I think I could do it.
SPEAKER_00:There, you know, faith uh springs eternal effort.
SPEAKER_02:Just blind optimism, you know what I mean? That's what we're talking about.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, what are we where are we at? Um while he's on the thing before it breaks, he's like, please God, please God, please God. And then when he gets And then God responds. God responds, and then he's like, he sort of offhand goes, thank you, Lord. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay, now we've got Junk Candy's character is packing because he's leaving. We've got this other crazy vehicle which chops people up called the Greater Tyne. They they've locked her. They've locked uh Demi Moore on the thing to get chopped up.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And the judge is like, if you come back, I'll let the girl go. Um he blows up a bunch of oil cans and goes and rescues her.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um as the oil cans blow up, this is another maybe the last line I wrote down. One of the grandkids says, I do need my diaper.
SPEAKER_02:Of course. Of course you'd write that down to him.
SPEAKER_00:It's just like, wow, that's this is how you're spending your time. This is this is the script that you're getting paid a million dollars or something crazy for. I do need my diaper.
SPEAKER_02:It's pretty good. Pretty good. I just, I just, I really need someone to come out and tell me how old these babies are. Like, I really need I need confirmation uh because they act like babies, but they're fully grown adults.
SPEAKER_00:I just need fully grown monsters.
SPEAKER_02:They're not well, okay. That's a good point. That's a good point.
SPEAKER_00:Um, they like hear the train, they run, they get to the train bridge, he saves her, they're on the train, the woman with the gun shoots at it, it says toxic on there. I'm like, oh, something's gonna happen. No. No, nothing happens.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, no. That was a mistake. They the sign wasn't supposed to be there.
SPEAKER_00:She says, thanks for saving me, and they kiss. Which doesn't really mean anything because they've already kissed before and they already fell in love before.
SPEAKER_02:Yep, so like this isn't the culmination of anything. Not really. In fact, it's a worse kiss than they had earlier. So whatever.
SPEAKER_00:The first kid, the first kisses were the sexy kisses. Now we get like nothing.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yep. They're like probably because we're so late in the filming schedule that Demi Moore hates Cheffy Chase already, and it's like it's got such a fucking prick. I'm not gonna kiss him passionately.
SPEAKER_00:That's just conjecture. That's that's very possible. Um, what do they do? They go to the state house in Sacramento and tell the mayor of Sacramento what's going on.
SPEAKER_01:Yep.
SPEAKER_00:He mobile he mobilizes all the police and the military.
SPEAKER_02:Why is it the mayor? You know what I mean? Like, and I I'm not saying that this is wrong, but like if I escaped some sort of a hostage situation, yeah, I wouldn't go to the mayor. I would go to the police.
SPEAKER_00:Well, if you had access to the mayor or the FBI. If you had access to the mayor, you'd probably go to the mayor. I know every mayor, okay.
SPEAKER_02:I am close friends with uh MN. That's what I call him. Um Mayor Newsom. Uh I think it's GN. Okay. No, no, that's but I used title and last name. He likes to he likes to be called Mr. Mayor. All right. He doesn't like his first name. Uh I don't know what else to fucking say. I just thought it was weird that it was the mayor. That's all. I don't know. It seemed like a weird escalation. You're watching it, you're like, the mayor?
SPEAKER_00:What has happened? Right.
SPEAKER_02:Like, why are we going there? But great. Great stuff.
SPEAKER_00:They drive out there, they're like, oh, we gotta draw the judge out. Why don't you guys go up to the door and knock on the door? And they're like, that seems a good idea.
SPEAKER_02:Well, to me says it is Chevy's like, no, and to me's like, hey, we could do it. And I was like, why would that character want to go back? I think she was into it. I think she really liked these babies and was hoping for a little Eiffel Tower action.
SPEAKER_00:So here comes the judge at the door, and we find out the big twist is that all the military and all the police and the mayor are all.
SPEAKER_02:Everyone knows. Yeah. Great. Okay. So stupid. I hate it.
SPEAKER_00:No notes. Hi, Judge! No notes. That's perfect. Then the coal no splash. Coal fire decides to blow up then. They get in the beamer. It works because there's a cutoff switch, which he knows about, and they drive off in the beamer.
SPEAKER_02:Right. Yeah. Some sort of security measure, he says. At least they put in the Dan Goodsell line to explain it. It's fine.
SPEAKER_00:They used to do shit like that all the time. And in a lot of expensive cars, they do have a fuel cutoff thing, which is a second line of defense from the ignition.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I did not know that. So there you go.
SPEAKER_00:If you watched a few Fast and Furious movies, you would know that.
SPEAKER_02:First of all, I've watched every Fast and the Furious movie, and I've seen Gone in Sixty Seconds, where they steal a bunch of cars. Okay. I used to want to be a car booster. Have I ever told you that? Back when I saw shut up there. Back when I saw that movie. You want to be a major criminal without the choice.
SPEAKER_04:Just to like that would be.
unknown:So
SPEAKER_02:Sneak around and steal cool cars and then drive them to delivery places? That seems cool. Um, but I was too I was I wasn't inconspicuous enough. I couldn't ever blend in.
SPEAKER_00:So oh my god, that's one of the most embarrassing things you've ever admitted to. Uh turns out that uh John Candy has gone to Rio and has married the Brazilian woman.
SPEAKER_02:Great job, John Candy. They're fine. There's a great, there's a not great, but there's the moment at the end where they're like walking away and he puts his arm around her and she moves it to her ass. And I was like, that's that's funny. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, that's a fun little character note that like it's so subtle that you don't really notice it, but it'll, you know. Hey, they commit to the bit, you know, good for them.
SPEAKER_00:Chevy's laying on the couch having a bad dream, uh saying things that don't make any sense.
SPEAKER_02:Way too long. Way too long of a bad dream.
SPEAKER_00:There's no reason for this to last two to three minutes.
SPEAKER_02:It's I'm very confused.
SPEAKER_00:Interesting how in editing there's things like that where you're just watching it and you're like, cut. This this is this had better go somewhere because it's not going to go anywhere. That's the problem. It doesn't go anywhere. She wakes him up, or he wakes up, and she's like, Oh, are you having a napmare? No one has ever said that.
SPEAKER_02:No one has ever said that. I think Dan Aykroy was trying to make it a thing. I think like fetch, like mean girls with fetch, stop trying to make nap not napmare happen. It's hard to say. Napmere.
SPEAKER_00:So he's watching the TV, and on there we see the fire, and there's a news reporter, and then walks over to this person, and it's the judge. He's alive. Shock. Coming soon. Vulcania 2.
SPEAKER_02:Lost in New York.
SPEAKER_00:That was that was that was funnier than any joke in this movie.
SPEAKER_02:Kyle nailed it. Oh, I didn't even write that one down. Yeah. Um, and then they do this weird Looney Tunes ending where he jumps through the wall. Oh, he does. He freaks out. They cut they cut back from the TV and it's it's a Chevy Chase sized hole in the wall. And I was like, what the hell is going on here?
SPEAKER_00:I didn't write that down, but that's very funny. Well, somebody said this movie was like Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein. If you've ever seen those movies. It's not, though. It is, though. It is very much like the because what does happen in those movies is they'd go to like a haunted house to you know, if you spend the night in the haunted house, you get the inheritance. You get money. And then Frankenstein's like and I mean, he really should have just made one of those movies.
SPEAKER_02:I would, yeah, I would respect that. Yeah. This is this is not that, though. This is not good.
SPEAKER_00:He he glued together disparate things and made a worthless movie. You know, okay, let's change subjects. Okay, we're done with this. Let's move on. Megan 2 came out, right?
SPEAKER_02:Yes, correct. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I haven't seen either one, but Megan 1.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I've seen Megan 1. Mega 1's super fun.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Horror movie, robot, get it. The second one, they made Megan took Megan into like a superhero who has to fight like Yeah, like it like an action movie that's fighting a different AI or something weird. Yep. Everyone hated it. Because it changed because it changed what the movie was.
SPEAKER_02:Right. Well, we went to see Megan, the horror movie, and then we didn't get that.
SPEAKER_00:But it's interesting is like Alien, the movie horror movie, Aliens war movie.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, but still with horror elements.
SPEAKER_00:You know what I mean? But I get what you're saying. And unless you know what the hell you're doing, because they were trying to make a horror comedy, and they didn't make either. Correct.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. That is that is absolutely correct. Strike three. Yeah. Yeah. Now, speaking of knowing what you're doing, James Cameron, whoo boy, you seen that avatar uh commercial's not the right word. Trailer yet? Woo! Way of the water, baby. Coming October third. October. I can't remember which. This October? Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00:Wow. It's coming, it's coming fast, Dan. How terrible. You better get ready. Did we do we did the we did the last one?
SPEAKER_02:And we're gonna do this one too, because we're gonna do them all until the this franchise dies. Um but that I mean that won't be for a while because it's gotta go through make a million dollars at the box office, and then they'll release it on the show.
SPEAKER_00:Do you think it's gonna make a million dollars?
SPEAKER_02:I meant to say a billion. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00:That's listen. They made a million dollars with them. They made a million dollars. It cost it cost 265 million to make it, but then they made one million.
SPEAKER_02:That would be a bad, bad return on an avatar.
SPEAKER_00:Probably this one didn't cost as much to make since they had, you know, he's already built the whole thing.
SPEAKER_02:The technology's getting better as well. Like it's gotta be getting cheaper.
SPEAKER_00:Because that was the problem with with the the last one, was the was the the how it looked.
SPEAKER_02:That's that's the problem. I mean, it's one of problems.
SPEAKER_00:It can't be the way of water because the way of water was the last one.
SPEAKER_02:That was the last one? I don't know, man. I I saw the trailer. I don't know. Hold on, let me look at it. Let me get some few.
SPEAKER_00:It's gonna be like the way of stones or the way of the wind or the way of the water weenie. I don't know. It's gonna be something different.
SPEAKER_02:Water weenie? I'm into that. Do you know what the water weenie is? Do you know what a water weenie is? Avatar, uh, fire and ash. God, I wasn't even close. Fire and ass. That's what we're gonna call it.
SPEAKER_00:Fire and ass.
SPEAKER_02:Um, that was that was wild.
SPEAKER_00:That last one was terrible, right? It was super terrible.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, okay. So I'm confused, Dan. Why are you confused? So I must have seen they are re-releasing Avatar Way of the Water and Cedars in preparation. Uh, new Avatar comes out in December. I was wrong on all of it. Well, I mean I apologize to everyone.
SPEAKER_00:It's coming out this year. That's that's the same thing.
SPEAKER_02:I don't it is coming out this year. That is correct. Christmas time. They're gonna make a ton of money.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you got the date wrong. That I don't consider that.
SPEAKER_02:So James Cameron can buy gifts for his children. That's why he's making the movie.
SPEAKER_00:Oh. I wish he was making good movies.
SPEAKER_01:T2 was so good. T2 is so good. Gotta love that movie.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, T1's great. And The Abyss. Yeah, of course. The Abyss was like, I remember I love The Abyss.
SPEAKER_02:It's I love that movie.
SPEAKER_00:It's not a movie I want I've rewatched ever, but when I saw it in the theaters and then they die and then they bring them back, you were like. I have rewatched it. That's heavy shit.
SPEAKER_02:I uh uh yeah, I like that movie. It's good.
SPEAKER_00:Very intense.
SPEAKER_02:And and the ending is very like not spiritual, but like when you know, when it's like rising out of the water and he's I I don't know, I don't know. I I'm gonna have to rewatch that movie. I like that movie.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, well, let's see. Okay, I get to talk about what I like this week.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Uh Gen V's back. I watched the first episode of that, even though they had three episodes. So season two of that, it's rocking and rolling. Um, uh new head administrator of the school is He's the he's the guy from um The Vampire Show that I love Midnight Mass.
SPEAKER_02:Oh you're just like Hamish? What's his name? Hamish something? Oh god, he's so good. Is he good in this show? Dan, I'm freaking out. I didn't know this came out.
SPEAKER_00:I think he had like one, maybe two scenes. You're like, he's so good. He's so good. He's just so good. And he plays like evil guy, and he has like, you don't know what his powers are, and you're like, oh fuck, you don't know what he does.
SPEAKER_02:Interesting.
SPEAKER_00:And he like threatens somebody, he's like, You really want to mess with me? You wanna mess with me? But he does it in his crazy way, so you're just like fucking.
SPEAKER_02:Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's he's better than you. Um It's great.
SPEAKER_00:That that show I really love.
SPEAKER_02:He didn't win every award ever for Midnight Mass is gonna upset me until I die.
SPEAKER_00:That is one of the I I can't wait.
SPEAKER_02:I can't wait to see this. That is one of the seminal performances of Television. Oh god, he's so good. Ever. He's so fucking good in that show. Oh, and it's almost October, which means we get to watch it again, guilt free.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think I rewatched, I think I rewatched that whole thing. And it's like I don't rewatch a lot of shows. That's a show I will rewatch multiple times because it's that good. Yeah, it's good. And I watched 28 Years Later, The Zombies. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's really good. Ralph Okay. And the thing about they they shot two movies back to back, so the second movie's coming out Boneyard. No, uh Bone Temple. Bone Temple. When they get to Ralph Fain Fine's character, such a good actor. You're just like when a person can just walk up and deliver their first line, and you're like, I know who this guy is. You're like, you know, so there's there's acting out there, and it's beautiful. And I we're gonna go we're gonna maybe go see the that new Leo DiCaprio movie, the the um yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Every everyone's fighting. One day after another or something, one problem after another. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:That Sean Penn looks like he's gonna win every award with that one.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you never know. You never know. Hollywood makes a lot of weird choices. What do you got for us, Tony? Well, Dan, I don't have anything good. Um, we have been trying to force ourselves to get through the paper. Uh oh, the the funny office one.
SPEAKER_00:You're like rolling around on the ground because it's so funny. Oh, my side. All right. Don Hall Gleason, you're so funny. Who's that? That's the main guy, the little mousy guy.
SPEAKER_02:The redhead? Yeah. Yeah, we like him. He's um Bill, right? Bill Weasley from the Harry Potter. Not we can't talk about Harry Potter, sorry.
SPEAKER_00:Um, Harry Potter's here, hold on.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Are you what's gonna happen when the TV show comes out?
SPEAKER_02:Uh she she is refusing to watch it, so I am going to watch it secretly and not tell her. Luckily, she doesn't listen to the podcast, so she'll never know. There it is. It'll be funny. Unless I tell her, you gotta stop Tony's Tony's watching behind your back. You Judas! Uh yeah, no, she is not, she's not on board with it whatsoever, but I'm definitely gonna watch it.
SPEAKER_00:So the paper Tony has like one of those little those little screens on his uh on his uh watch room. Tiny Harry Butter.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, uh, so the red-headed guys, the main guys, okay. Yeah, he's already my problem isn't the actors necessarily. I mean, there's a lot of weak ones, I'm not gonna lie. Uh but some of them are really good. The British guy is actually delightful. I don't know the character that's British. Kim Key is delightful. Kim Key. Maybe. I don't know these people.
SPEAKER_00:He's like a real he's a real comic actor in England, and he's a real team.
SPEAKER_02:He's very funny.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, he's very, very funny.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, good. Okay. It is as a whole, yeah. I would say it's the least funny show I've seen since The Office. So there's that. I hate The Office. I do not find The Office funny at all. Then why are you watching this? Because she loves The Office, so she was like, I'd love to watch it. I was like, I have to know. I have to know what happens, and she doesn't like it either. So I I don't I don't know if this is universal. I don't know if people that like The Office like this. It doesn't, it doesn't feel like it's as good as The Office was. Sure. Uh and I didn't like The Office, so I don't like this even more. Um, but there's one guy who plays Travis, who's like this, you know, chubby white bearded guy, and he's actually he's really funny. So there's like three characters I like in the show.
SPEAKER_00:Is it better or worse than the Fraser reboot?
SPEAKER_02:Well, I made it all the way through the Frasier reboot. That's not the question. It's not the question because I there is no one as good as Frasier. Oh does that make sense? Yeah, Frazier was good in Fraser. Everyone around Frasier is worse than most of the people in this show. You know, so like there's apples and orange. It's tough. Yeah, it's tough. It's tough. Uh, because he just knows that character so well, and he just it's like a switch that he can get back into that Fraser. And you you love Frasier, but they they just surrounded him with fucking garbage. So it's tough. Um, but we're still I mean, we're watching it, we're gonna power through, and like I chuckled maybe once, maybe twice an episode, you know.
SPEAKER_00:So it doesn't get better as it goes along.
SPEAKER_02:It's a in fact, the episode we watched, I think it was episode seven we just finished, and I thought it was the weakest episode yet.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, so they're not they're not settling into the characters and figuring them out.
SPEAKER_02:I assume I assume season two will be better because this was all this was released all at one time, so I don't think they had any feedback to learn from. Sure. Uh that's where I'm going. I'm assuming that they all the episodes are written before they started. That's just my guess. I don't know. So we'll see. We'll see where season two goes, but I'm not uh I'm not impressed.
SPEAKER_00:Here's a question. Now, have you had to watch the whole office?
SPEAKER_02:No, no. She's tried, and we've made it like two seasons in. I was just like, I can't. I just can't do it.
SPEAKER_00:Well, my question was was the office season one appreciably worse than other office that you've seen? The paper season one? The actual American Office.
SPEAKER_02:The American Office.
SPEAKER_00:The first season of that.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. Is it awful?
SPEAKER_00:Does it get better as it goes along? Because I remember when it came out, I watched some of it in the first season, and I was like, meh. And then I've since watched, you know, maybe after the third season, I started watching it again, and I was like, okay, this is better.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean, it might. I'll be honest. I haven't I haven't stuck with it enough. I and I just full disclosure, I love Ricky Gervais, the the originalist. Oh I think that's a brilliant series. So I, you know, I just I don't like the Americanized humor, I think is the problem. You don't like American humor.
SPEAKER_00:Wow.
SPEAKER_02:It's terrible to no, that's I said Americanized of the first. I don't know, man. I don't know. I'm not a fan. Why do you hate America, Tony? I well, I feel like that list is pretty long, but uh, you know, it is what it is. I also don't like uh like Parks and Rec. Don't like that show. I don't know if I like the docus style show. I'm trying to think of one that I enjoy. Parks and Rec, very mean-spirited show. Yes, right? And I like uh why why? I don't care. I don't care to watch that.
SPEAKER_00:The stupid the one character Jerry, they just always would shit on him. And I always have a problem. If if one character doesn't like another character, that's fine. But if everybody shits on one character and there's no reason for it, that always like strikes me as like that's not funny.
SPEAKER_02:That's not good. It's not a real joke. No, it's called bullying. So there you go. Anyhow, now now all of our four fans probably hate me because of my opinions. It's the end of the show. No one's listening. That's true. I mean, we're 90, 80 minutes into this thing.
SPEAKER_00:Ah, so for next week's show, in honor of Todd and his birthday, we're doing Todd! What's the name of the movie? Tomahawk? Broken Arrow. I remember the trailers for this when it was coming out. Amazing. And I was like, what the fuck is this? So good.
SPEAKER_02:I'm not going anywhere near this movie. You are gonna love this movie. John Travolta, Christian Slater.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, Christian Slater, isn't it?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, baby, come home. We've had we've we've enjoyed it. We've enjoyed Christian and just about everything he's done on this show. It's great. Yeah, you're about to love him again. I'll tell you that much. I haven't seen this movie since uh like middle school, high school, maybe. I'm so excited. I used to love this movie, and uh, I'm I'm so sure it holds up.
SPEAKER_00:He always plays that scene where he gets shot with the rocket through the through the wall.
SPEAKER_02:And it's just clearly a dummy. Yeah. It's good. It's good stuff. I'm very excited.
SPEAKER_01:This could be a good week.
SPEAKER_00:So we're gonna say goodbye to Vulcan Vania. Hello to Broken Arrow. And uh we'll be back next week uh talking all about that for Todd's birthday. Yay, goodbye, everybody.
SPEAKER_04:Hey, watch him and totally watch him now.