Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Alien vs. Predator (AVP): The Almost-Kiss That Shocked the World!
Welcome, fellow cinephiles and movie-haters! In this episode of Hate Watching with Dan and Tony, we’re taking on a true heavyweight of bad cinema: the 2004 movie
"Alien vs. Predator"!
Dan and Tony put this sci-fi showdown under the microscope, tackling some of the most ridiculous movie moments you've ever seen. We’re talking about an entire mission launched because of a “heat globe,” an alien's blood being an "endless acid," and a group of "schmucks" who make all the wrong decisions. You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, and you might even wonder if a chemical engineer's degree can help you survive an alien attack.
Is AVP truly one of the worst movies ever made? Tune in and decide for yourself!
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People have been waiting for us to do a short episode for years.
Speaker 2:I always look at these people's videos and I'm like how did you do that all in 27 minutes, Like, like 27 minutes. We haven't even gotten to the preamble of the preamble.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I mean, that's an us problem, and usually do they have two. Do they have more than one person? What kind of videos are you watching?
Speaker 2:That's true. That's smart. If I got rid of you, these would be half as long.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you could just hit idea, idea, idea, idea, and then they're not funny. Dan, you miss out on all the jokes.
Speaker 2:There are a few people on YouTube that are funny. Just a few.
Speaker 1:Are we in that category? Are you putting us in there? I can't tell Un poco Of course we're not funny, we're the funniest. Welcome to AYD with Dan and Tony.
Speaker 2:I am innocent Dan and I am devilish Tony. Oh, with Dan and Tony, I am innocent Dan.
Speaker 1:And I am devilish, Tony oh devilish Tony On this show.
Speaker 2:We watch a movie, then we talk about said movie. We go back and forth. Tony picks a movie, Dan picks a movie. Tony picks a movie. Dan picks a movie. Tony picks a movie. Dan picks a movie.
Speaker 1:Some random person, that's watching our show suggests a movie and we do it. We do. That's true as well. Did we have a new one? Did someone?
Speaker 2:suggest something, somebody said something, just we got a comment. We've been getting a lot of we've been getting a little more views in general. Uh, the other good news is a zoolander 2 video. More more views than uh happy gilmore 2 video, so I win.
Speaker 1:The people have spoken the champion, ba ba ba, ba, ba ba.
Speaker 2:I love it. Do we have any comments? I'm the champion.
Speaker 1:How are you the champion? I picked Zoolander 2. You picked Happy Gilmore 2.
Speaker 2:No, but I liked Zoolander 2. That means I'm the champion, because it's a good movie.
Speaker 1:People are watching it because it's a bad movie. I don't know. Are they leaving comments? What are they saying? What are the people saying, Dan?
Speaker 2:They don't leave comments.
Speaker 1:So people out there, they don't know if you like the movies or hate the movies. Tell us what's going on. We're in the dark here. Okay, we're flying blind dark here.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're flying blind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you see those people that have get lots of comments. That's, that must be nice. I don't know who those people? Are, I think they're writing them themselves. Prove me wrong.
Speaker 2:So this week, tony picked the movie. Tony, why don't you tell us what movie you picked and why?
Speaker 1:okay, well, I'll do the why. First, okay, which is alien earth, came out. Uh, fun little show on the hulu, and so I was like let's go back to a real banger. And, to be honest, we probably should have watched the second one, alien versus predator, requiem, because that might be the worst movie ever made. I don't think so, but this one's way more fun, this one's way more fun. So we went with Alien vs Predator from 2006? Four, four, I was way off.
Speaker 2:I mean Alien 2 has Danny Glover in it. It's hot in the city. Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean I feel like I watched it.
Speaker 1:It's hot in the city, yeah yeah, yeah, I mean I feel like I watch Damn summer in the city.
Speaker 2:I know it's not good, but you think it might be worse than this movie.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. Alien vs Predator 2. Requiem what? There's a sequel to the movie we just watched, Dan.
Speaker 2:No, and it picks up. It literally picks.
Speaker 1:You stand and it picks up. It literally picks. You know how this movie ends with the alien predator hybrid popping out of his chest. That's how that movie opens. It takes place seconds after this movie ends. It picks up right where it stops. They crash land back on earth and then they terrorize a colorado town and it's terrible, it's awful, but I was. This one's more fun than that one is wow, this one is more fun, just there's more laughs than this putting the word fun anywhere near this movie.
Speaker 2:I you know, I think there was one of these movies that we did recently. I think maybe the last one we did. You were like is it a movie? You're doing the is it a movie? Is it a movie?
Speaker 1:I don't know about that this is one of.
Speaker 2:I mean, it has a plot. There are people that have names in it, but oh my god, there's nothing to this. It's basically underground pyramid. They go there, aliens wake up, predators go there. Then there's sort of a fight and all the humans sort of die, and then they do die for sure the one girl who's the girl, who is not really a character, sort of yeah kills well, she's an ice climber.
Speaker 1:You know, you know those people.
Speaker 2:She got those ice climbing skills. And it's like you're Wayland guy, the guy from Wayland, you know the namesake Spoilers. He dies like halfway, you know, two-thirds of the way through the movie and it's just the most nothing death. It is literally you're like okay, I guess he's's gone, I guess we don't have to deal with him anymore.
Speaker 1:Well, clearly you didn't watch the extended cut, dan, because apparently I either did I. Apparently, in the extended cut he dies and then they show a trickle of blood come down his mouth. So totally different scenario.
Speaker 2:You really missed out on that one that's the death pathos that we would have.
Speaker 1:That would have really dug us deeper into the story unrated version of this film, because this is pg-13 and that was one of the complaints a lot of people had was there's not enough blood for a predator alien movie. So they added a little cgi, but it's not even real blood, by the way, it's not even like a capsule that drips as well. They added a little CGI, but it's not even real blood, by the way, it's not even like a capsule that drips out. They added it in post because they were like well, we got to make this thing a little unrated, let's put some blood in there.
Speaker 1:We were wild. It's too much guys.
Speaker 2:It's too much.
Speaker 1:The alien's blood, being acid, is just endless. Well, you know, sometimes it is.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it isn't. Every trope in this movie is overused as hard as it can be. There's like oh yeah, there's one or two clever things.
Speaker 1:You're like OK, that's clever.
Speaker 2:But everything else is just like oh, please please stop.
Speaker 1:Let me ask you a question, Dan. Is one of the things that you consider clever when there's a moment towards the end of the film where you're pretty sure Predator and the lead lady are going to kiss? Is that one of the moments, Because I was rooting for it real hard? There's a moment where there's five to six seconds of them staring at each other and I was like are we going to get it? Is this going to happen? It didn't. I was real mad.
Speaker 2:I know the moment I wasn't thinking that, but they definitely were like you were like what's happening?
Speaker 1:Is he going to, like you know?
Speaker 2:like, I mean, he kind of initiates her at that point.
Speaker 1:Right, that's when he when he puts the thing and he's definitely got a boner and he's touching her face and then they stare at each other and I'm like he's gonna either eat her face or suck her face and I'm here for either one.
Speaker 2:Maybe they did nothing you know what could happen.
Speaker 1:This is what here's my reading, my retouch on the movie.
Speaker 2:They do it they do a full boning. Um, you know I'm into that, come on. So then avp2. We have predator human hybrid versus predator jasper's hybrid.
Speaker 1:That's a 10 out of 10 movie. Dad, I would you know what?
Speaker 2:let's do a trilogy so we can make this happen the best thing about this movie is that the life cycle of the alien takes mere minutes. You know it's like you get the face thing Super confusing. This guy's coming out of you within like 30 seconds Another nine minutes and he's a full-blown alien and he's full.
Speaker 1:I'm running around. I don't think I know enough about the alien lore.
Speaker 2:You've gone silent, I've gone silent, it's like Silent. Tony. I call him Silent Tony.
Speaker 1:I'm not seeing anything?
Speaker 2:Are we recording? It seems like we're recording With the little things. There's like a bouncy, bouncy, bouncy that says there's sound happening.
Speaker 1:I'm seeing it on my side, Dan.
Speaker 2:Can you hear me?
Speaker 1:I can hear you.
Speaker 2:You can hear me.
Speaker 1:I can hear you. I see levels it's. Can hear me.
Speaker 2:I can hear you, I cannot hear you and I see levels. It's kind of nice, I kind of love it. And now you're gone, should we do another recording? Oh, what happened there, you disappeared for a second. I heard a noise like this, and then now I can hear you.
Speaker 1:Dan, I think today's not going to go great. I can already tell you that I love it. I'm keeping all that in the show, by the way, because I'm far too lazy to edit.
Speaker 2:Paul S Anderson, like he's coming at us. He's hacked the Matrix.
Speaker 1:You don't like the movie. You, son of a bitch.
Speaker 2:Now did he just did the same director of this just did, the one in the Lost Lands with the rest of the guy Lost Lands, yeah, yeah, and the Resident Evil movies, yeah, yeah, that's him. He's good man.
Speaker 1:Lost Lands makes this movie, no, this movie makes Lost Lands look like an epic. I mean, I don't know, they're all. They're pretty bad. That's a tough call. I feel like the acting in this movie is better than the acting in Lost Lands.
Speaker 2:That's a bold statement but I would agree with you. But here's the movie. It's not as cool, this movie is not as cool.
Speaker 1:Correct yeah. This movie is not as cool.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because the characters are just. I don't think maybe I wrote down a couple of lines, but I didn't write down any lines because you were like, ooh, there's a line.
Speaker 1:There were like no lines in this movie, like none. And the problem is I didn't write down a line either way, right where I'm like ooh, I like this line. This is because I like to send out positives sometimes if people watch the show, but then I also like to send out positive sometimes if people watch the show, but then I also like to write out lines that made me laugh really hard because they're so stupid and no one should have ever wrote them and I have wrote down neither like this movie is just so, so mid um. The script is is very dull.
Speaker 1:It's very, very dull your movie is so mid um I was trying to be cool, dan now you know you can find I'm trying to talk to the kids out there. They say mid right, that's a thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were looking at something, we were watching something and the YouTube video and the title was like somebody, somebody reads somebody to filth and Shannon's like what does that mean? What does that mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know. Do you know what? Reads means Like I'm reading a book. I'm reading a person, like I'm learning about your personality. No, I have no idea.
Speaker 2:Well, I say to her, I say to her that you know that's the way the kids talk. And then she's like I don't know what it means. I'm like you know reads. What reads means is, when you like, talk, smack about someone, when you're like Tony's yeah, well, haven't you ever watched RuPaul's Drag Race?
Speaker 1:yeah, but I don't understand half the stuff they're staying on the show. I just watch it for the beautiful styles. You know what I?
Speaker 2:mean you and my mom. My mom and I always used to watch it and she'd just be like these gowns are so beautiful. I just she, just she just loves it. What's fun?
Speaker 1:about the show. I don't understand most of the stuff they say because they talk in like vernacular. I do not understand and I'm just like I'll just look at the beautiful stuff and that's it.
Speaker 2:They have like one section where the drag queens read each other and they put the glasses on and the library is open and then they just rag on them so hard and that's called reading.
Speaker 1:Okay, Can I tell you this is going to be something that we I'll cut out of the podcast. I thought that they would. So this section I thought they wrote down like what they thought of each other and then they're reading it to each like to each other.
Speaker 2:I thought that's what the segment was I mean, I mean that's, that's the thought, you know, I mean they don't actually read it.
Speaker 1:I understand that. I thought they meant it literally. That's what I thought that meant.
Speaker 2:Okay, no reads are nasty, and so reads to filth means.
Speaker 1:I've never heard reads to filth. It's worse, but it just means like Worse than normal, I guess.
Speaker 2:You've destroyed someone so hard that they're just they're gone. I assume. Man, we got gotta stop changing english, you know like I can't keep up. Wait, have we said what movie we're doing?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, I said, I said alien versus predator, I'm pretty sure yeah yeah, 2004 hour and 40 minutes.
Speaker 2:This was. Was this after alien 3?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, I do believe that that is correct. I think this is the the next. The next one, alien 3, is oh yeah, that's 92 okay, so alien 1 came out.
Speaker 2:Alien 2 is the weird danny glover one where it's the hottest week on the planet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it sure is, and he's sweating all the time.
Speaker 2:And it's really red, really weird color palette throughout, really ugly, muddy gloopy looking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know nothing about nothing.
Speaker 2:Then Alien 3 was David Fincher's shot at it right.
Speaker 1:I don't know. Yeah, dan, I'm doing a rewatch now. I'm in the middle of my rewatch so I'll let you know in a couple of weeks. But also Alien Resurrection came out in 97. So all four of those Aliens movies came out before this even happened.
Speaker 2:What's Alien Resurrection? Maybe that's the David Fincher one, I don't know. There's a David Fincher one.
Speaker 1:I'll see who directed it. It was Jason Pierre Jeunet. So nope, alien Resurrection is not that. So who knows what that is? I don't know, but Ron Perlman's in it. I've never seen this movie. For sure I've never seen that movie, all right.
Speaker 2:I feel like I've watched most of them, but many years later after they came out, and it was just kind of like oh, I'll sit here and watch this for a while and then immediately forget everything about it, I had not seen this movie. You saw this movie in the theaters when it came out. I assume because you're out of your mind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we did a marathon. So I have seen these movies, I just don't remember them. So we did an alien and a predator marathon on Wednesday into Thursday and then we saw Thursday night at midnight when we saw AVP and I remember we were all pissed, it was not great and we were like we just wasted two days of our lives. But that's what you do, man, you get dedication, you know, yeah, sure, yeah.
Speaker 2:I grew up when movies were good, so my life was good.
Speaker 1:Like because you grew up in 1984 when Monster Squad was made. Yeah, agreed, yeah no.
Speaker 2:Alien vs Predator. Let's talk about it. You want to talk about this movie, Tony.
Speaker 1:If we want to talk about it, we can talk about it. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Do you have anything else you want to say about this movie before we start talking about this movie? Nope, because I don't know. Do you have anything else you want to say about this movie before we?
Speaker 1:start talking about this movie. Nope, because I don't even know we're good, let's rock through it.
Speaker 2:Happens in the year 2004. Here comes a spaceship we're assuming it's a Predator spaceship flying over Earth. Boom, a satellite sees something and it's Weyland Industries. And there's an unidentified signal in Sector 14, which isn't really what sets this off. What sets this off is a heat signature, but we'll talk about that later. I don't know why they said these things. It doesn't make any sense. We meet our first person, who is Lexi Woods. She's climbing to the top of a cliff, ice climbing she gets a phone call, she's an ice climber, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hello, Hello. What's going on? It's a Wayland Industries wants to hire her. Usually they're going after her because she's like an environmental something, something, something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we don't really know, we don't really. She's like oh, they're suing us again. He's like no, no, we want to hire you. Why? What are we talking about? There's no, and then we don't really talk about that. Later, when she meets him face to face, she's not like hey, why are you always suing me, guy? We just forget that line.
Speaker 2:I don't I don't understand why it's even in the movie it's you know, in improv and things you're you know, first line kind of is supposed to set the you know set up. It dictates the scene. It dictates the scene. So if you say you know your cooking sucks, I'm going to kill you with a knife, well, there's going to be some stabbing and we're going to talk about the cooking.
Speaker 1:These are things that should be occurring you have to no we don't talk about these things at all, or you say something that means nothing and then just continue the day. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Well, it's one of the few kind of actually loaded lines. Right, You're setting up a relationship.
Speaker 1:But you're not.
Speaker 2:Because then that relationship?
Speaker 1:doesn't pay off Like once they meet each other. There needs to be more on that relationship as opposed to nothing, Nothing whatsoever.
Speaker 2:There's an interesting point, like sort of halfway through, when they're going through the pyramid, and Wayland is there and everybody's being really cognizant of putting him in the middle and protecting the millionaire. Yeah, and there's never any talk about that. It's just like it's just this natural thing that occurs and you're kind of like maybe you should have talked about that. You know, maybe Sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he doesn't even seem to want to like care about living. Like his whole thing is like, as long as we get down there, I don't give a shit what happens to me so why is?
Speaker 2:everyone protecting him he doesn't care, I don't know man, it's weird we'll talk about his motivations in a second. So she's on the phone. She's all like well, I'm, I'm in the middle of the himalayas or wherever she is, and I can't get back there. She crests the ridge or whatever. Boom, there's a helicopter, unmoving, sitting there on the cliff. And the dude's like oh, I can just take you with me now. This is what you don't want to do in your movie.
Speaker 1:Start with something that doesn't make a lick of sense. Let me ask you a question, Dan how loud do you think it is while you're climbing a mountain?
Speaker 2:You mean, how loud is the mountain?
Speaker 1:How loud is just the world? Is it like a very loud type of thing where it's like a city? Sounds are happening and you maybe wouldn't hear a helicopter fly over or or do you think that maybe you would hear a helicopter for miles? Around while you're out in the wilderness probably that one how was she surprised that a helicopter flew over her, landed on the top of the mountain she's going to, and she had no idea it was there? How is that possible?
Speaker 2:talk to me about snow, tony. What? What does snow do when there's a lot of wind blowing down on it?
Speaker 1:well, usually it would go with the wind because it's very light substance I spent a lot of my life in the midwest dealing with snow, dan and uh it's. It blows around a lot. That's why it sucks. If you get a windy day during the winter, you don't want to go outside because you can't cover up, because it's just blowing into your face and stuff.
Speaker 2:It's tough so the idea that there's a parked helicopter, like you know, 20 meters away from her just is just, unless it's been there for two weeks?
Speaker 1:has he been waiting there for two weeks? Because they're been waiting there for two weeks? Because they're like she's definitely going to climb this mountain, but then he's two mountains over. He's like, well, shit, we got the wrong mountain, and then you're done. I just don't understand it. You can't start the movie with something that doesn't make any sense like this, Because in the rest of the movie I'm like well, how did he get there? How did he get to that mountain? Is this a silent chopper? What's going?
Speaker 2:on.
Speaker 1:It was a stealth day it had predator tech, the PT as they call it. Get to the chopper.
Speaker 2:So she's going to go with them. There it is. Dude Maxwell Stafford is the main fixer guy for Wayland.
Speaker 1:He's cool, I like him. Wish he had something to do. Sure, I bet he does too.
Speaker 2:If that helps, if that does anything for you, Dan. We meet our sexting guy, our second guy. He is Sebastian. He's like an archaeologist sort of, and he's trying to find something in Mexico and he's like we found the big thing, crawls through a hole, finds a Pepsi bottle cap.
Speaker 1:And then keeps it, keeps it. I don't understand why he keeps it. Dan, Can you explain that to?
Speaker 2:me it's like a totem for his failure For his life's failure.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool, cool. You know what? That I do understand. He doesn't seem like that's the way he feels about it, but I get it.
Speaker 2:This fucking Pepsi bottle. Oh he's.
Speaker 1:Italian too, which is very weird, yes, yeah. But then he's talking about he's going to Mexico and I was like, wait, what? Where are you from? Why are you going to this place? But it's cool man. He used to talk Italian later and I'm sure it's very sexy to the ladies.
Speaker 2:Now we're on a helicopter, we're heading to the place. We're heading to Antarctica, which I think is the North Pole right. We're going to the North Pole, right Is that where Santa Claus is? Well, that's the one thing I was a little confused is because penguins are in the South Pole. And they had a penguin in this. But I thought we were going to the because it says look up Antarctica and see if that's South Polar.
Speaker 1:I'm going to look it up. Antarctica is south. It is the southernmost continent on Earth. We should learn our geography, Dan. You and me both Did it feel like they were going south. I don't even what would that feel like going south? What is? I didn't know where they were going. I thought they were going to Alaska the whole time.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying. It felt like they were going north to a snowy land.
Speaker 1:They were heading south to a snowy land.
Speaker 2:That seems weird to me. So they're going to Antarctica. Here's Graham Miller, who's like a British or Scottish or Irish guy. He's a chemical engineer, he has children, he takes some pictures. How much, yeah, hold on.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh, sorry, I'm not finished. Finish, finish, how much what.
Speaker 2:How much did his chemical engineering degree help or hinder him in this movie?
Speaker 1:Well, I guess I don't know what a chemical engineer does, because, as far as I can tell, there's no chemical engineering that happens Like what would a?
Speaker 2:chemical engineer do Like would he look at the blood and like or like what? Does he tell me what? A chemical engineer? Does I mean no a chemical center and then look at how they're treating the waste so that it becomes pure water and then say, oh, it's too alkaline, it's too base, and we need to go through these different systems and some new. That's what a chemical engineer does.
Speaker 1:Well, that makes even less sense than what I said, because I don't even know why he'd be on the trip.
Speaker 2:I don't know. It's like a chemical engineer is probably like the people that work at like a refinery to refine oil into gasoline, right that's? I would assume that sort of chemical engineer.
Speaker 1:So maybe it's because of the power source, Like they thought it was a power, sir I did. I have no idea. All I know is that he's a creep. He's a creep Because our lady is sleeping on the helicopter and he secretly, without permission, takes a picture of her. And the only reason she knows is because he left a flash on, like an idiot. And then he's like oops, sorry, I shouldn't have left a flash on. And the answer is no, you shouldn't be taking pictures of women without their consent, my friend that's weird, he's a chemical engineer.
Speaker 2:He needs to document his adventures.
Speaker 1:That doesn't sound like a chemical engineer to me. I don't know what he does.
Speaker 2:Our girl Alexa Wood.
Speaker 1:I knew he was going to die immediately because he brought up his kids like nine times.
Speaker 2:He's not making it back to his kids For sure not.
Speaker 1:This is their way of being. Like you should be emotionally connected to him because he's got children. We're not going to let you get to know him, but he's got children, so feel bad when he dies. Terrible script writing.
Speaker 2:They should have had him on the phone with the kids when he died. That would have been funny, great.
Speaker 1:Funny, your daddy's getting eaten. My mouth is full of an alien, I don't know. Bye, kid.
Speaker 2:Tony, no mouthful of alien.
Speaker 1:That's what happens. They put their things in your mouth and then they put a baby in you. They're having sex with your mouth. Dude, I don't know what to tell you. That's what's happening here. Is this a horror movie? This movie? No, no, this is hardly an action movie. I don't even know what this would be called, because there's no tension. Never once is there like a tense moment at all. Oh well, that's not true. The almost kiss was pretty tense for me. I was because I'm like come on, guys, just do it, just do it. I know you want to just do it, um, but other than that, there is no tension in this movie at all.
Speaker 2:So we find out that the helicopter they're on reaches the point of no return. In other words, if it turned around it would have to ditch before getting back to base, but luckily there's an icebreaker that it lands on.
Speaker 1:Dan, how are they going to fill up gas when they get to where they're going?
Speaker 2:You mean from the helicopter. What's the question?
Speaker 1:yeah, because so the helicopter is past the point of no return, can't return back to where it's gone because it's over halfway, so it lands on a boat how are they refueling in the middle of antarctica on a boat that's full of fuel? You're saying so. The boat has like a, a nozzle.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's the.
Speaker 1:I was just confused because I was like point and no return, how are you getting back period? Then it sounds like this is a one-way trip, okay.
Speaker 2:That would have been interesting, right.
Speaker 1:I don't know, she could walk, she could climb the ice back.
Speaker 2:But wouldn't that set up a tension? If they actually reached, you know they did.
Speaker 1:That's why you don't do it in this movie. You don't want any tension, you don't want people on the edge of their seats. Ok, here we relax.
Speaker 2:Here we are. Here's the team. There's a bunch of driller guys, there's some other guys who we don't really meet. There's a hot blonde woman who has a gun. We don't ever meet her. And we meet Wylan. She makes a condom joke.
Speaker 1:So you know you like her.
Speaker 2:You know you immediately like her stands up on this really high railing and listen to me. Seven days ago there was a heat, blue and a structure, and it's massive.
Speaker 1:Why does he have a microphone?
Speaker 2:does he have a microphone?
Speaker 1:he's got a head microphone and so you hear like an echo because it's playing in the room. There are seven people on the ground. He does not need a microphone at all. And then the other people in the room, when they're having a conversation with him, are just talking normally. They don't even talk loud. It's not like they have to raise their voice to get to him. They're talking at their normal level and everyone's having a conversation, except for Waylon who's got himself a microphone. Oh boy, can you all hear me? Check one, two. It is so stupid. I was so mad when he walked out. There's no reason. There's nobody else in this room.
Speaker 2:Well, you're illustrating a power power dynamic, but it's like you should illustrate the power dynamic through the difference of characters right through character work, that?
Speaker 1:that's a novel concept.
Speaker 2:Wow, so dumb um, so basically, they got a heat bloom which shows them a map, which shows them this massive structure that's like under the ice.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so it's totally intact, by the way.
Speaker 2:That's cool, yes well, it's built well, but it's built with it's built well, so there you go it's like made of technology. It's made of three different cultures that were all thriving at very different times. You're like what, what?
Speaker 1:is this. Can you explain this to me, Dan? I was trying to piece this together.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So they're like oh, it's the first civilization ever, which doesn't? I don't understand that. Why would the first civilization be three? So are they saying, like those three civilizations that made one pyramid, then split off to make three different civilizations at different time periods? Because that doesn't make any sense to me. You're killing the audience. Where's your answer, dan?
Speaker 2:We're all hanging in suspense here, buddy, more suspense than this movie. It doesn't make any sense, right? I don't understand.
Speaker 2:What you'd want to do is you'd want to say that the three different, the three different cultures worked together in some weird way at this time period and built this pyramid for some weird meta reason. Right, they had to come together, as opposed to saying that this pyramid is where these three, all three of these cultures started and then the east just took their own language and walked away. Just it, just right. I don't get. It makes no sense. And I think this is based on the comic book. I mean, I'm assuming it's based on a copy and that's a.
Speaker 1:That's the kind of dumb thing, it's not really based like there is a comic book, but they did their own thing. I don't even think the comic book takes place on earth.
Speaker 2:I think the comic book takes place on another planet, I think I don't know for sure, I have not read it.
Speaker 2:But I think you're right they did. But see, the thing about alien and predators and terminator are all I believe they're all owned by, like a third party. They're not owned by. None of these were owned by, um, except maybe Alien. Maybe Alien's owned by 20th Century, but Predator, I don't know. Maybe Predator is too. I know Terminator isn't because I went to the licensing show one time and the Terminator guy was just sitting at this crappy table like talking to anybody. He's like you want to talk about licensing Terminator?
Speaker 1:Hey, let's do it. Terminator Anybody want Terminator? Terminator, get your Terminators.
Speaker 2:How Because?
Speaker 1:I would have. How much do you think it costs? Let's make a Terminator movie.
Speaker 2:I have no idea, but I mean that's why some of these things they make so much of them is because they're just like whatever. I own the IP. Let's keep it rolling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how do I find that out? How do I find out?
Speaker 2:what the available IP is. So I can like make my own stuff with it Well, is there a website no well, not much, right like, just a little I think all this stuff has gotten sucked up at this point.
Speaker 1:I'm sure you know just like time when stephen king was giving away his short stories for like five dollars or something like that and I didn't jump on it and I regret it, man, I regret it big time wait a second.
Speaker 2:You're saying that you could have licensed one of his short stories for media for $5.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was like giving away. I don't know if it was a collection or just like one, but he was like giving away for $5. So, like student films could like use the thing. It was really cool and I did not take advantage of it and I regret it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause I mean people like Stephen King can do that. He's got so much stuff so he can put stuff in creative commons.
Speaker 1:He's got so much money, he's probably fine.
Speaker 2:No, he's totally fine. That Long Walk movie looks like it's going to be creepy as fuck. I don't know if I can watch that one oh yeah, I'm pretty pumped. I don't know if I can watch that one.
Speaker 1:That one's going to be brutal. It's the opposite of this movie Too tense.
Speaker 2:This movie is not brutal at all. Okay, so basically this is pre-continental drift and whatever it's 2,000 feet below the ice?
Speaker 1:I don't understand.
Speaker 2:They've got seven days to dig it out and then Alexa quits. But then she finds out who they're going to hire and then she's like well, I guess I've got to do it because I don't want people dying on my ship.
Speaker 1:Right, it was interesting, and I don't know if interesting is the right word. But she's like who'd you get? And he's like we got this guy. And she's like, well, he's not even next on the list, he's like fifth on the list what happened to these other people? And they're like, well, get to explore that at all. But I thought it was an interesting conceit. Just be like, well, we're just getting who we can, because everyone else says it's impossible they watch the northern lights, uh, and they convince her to that she's gonna do it.
Speaker 2:Graham's like come on, we're gonna go. And she's like I'm italian, we should go.
Speaker 1:That's my intent. I hope I just didn't offend everybody have you seen the Northern Lights Dan.
Speaker 2:No, never have. Yeah me neither.
Speaker 1:I would like to see them.
Speaker 2:I'm sure they'd be very pretty.
Speaker 1:I'd like to see them too. You want to go to Antarctica with me?
Speaker 2:No, On a helicopter that won't make it back.
Speaker 1:You could take my ashes there and throw them on the ground so I can look up. I'm going to spread your ashes under the northern lights. Done, there, it is Done, and done.
Speaker 2:Everybody listen up. Alexis Beckett charged Three rules Buddy system, always stay on comms, no heroes. And then we go on the rest of the movie to see how people following these rules and not following the rules affect everything. Did we talk about the rules ever again?
Speaker 1:No, I didn't remember there were rules until you just said them. Right now, me too. What are you gonna do? Uh, um, yeah, oh, no, no, you're good, keep going big full moon, the drillers have their convoy.
Speaker 2:They convoy out. There they find this whaling station, which is this old town that's been abandoned. 1904 everyone disappeared. Grams take his selfies.
Speaker 1:It's my favorite part of the movie.
Speaker 2:He gets scared. He hears a noise. The noise is a penguin.
Speaker 1:A cute little penguin and she's like, hey, they bite. So I looked it up they do Penguins bite.
Speaker 1:Penguins are apparently very aggressive Because they're, like, very territorial, so humans being in their space is not normal to them. So they're aggressive in the wild, which I didn't know and I'm kind of bummed because I'm, but also good to know, because if we, if I went to Antarctica to spread your ashes and I found a penguin family, I would have tried to befriend them and they would have killed me before I could spread your ashes, and that would have been sad.
Speaker 2:Here. Look this up, tony, while I continue talking. Do they have the aurora borealis in the northern hemisphere, the southern hemisphere?
Speaker 1:I'm just going to do Antarctica.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because, I know you, because I know antarctica does not have the aurora borealis, but rather the aurora australis, australis, the southern lights so apparently they're different lights, so we can't. We can't spread your ashes in in antarctica, because you'd be under the wrong lights wrong lights, so take me north um, so I didn't know there was more lights. Are there east and west lights? No, I don't think there are.
Speaker 2:Doesn't work that way, because it has to. It has to do with, it has to do with the aliens, no, the magnetic, I think, the, whatever it's called, the magnetic field that's around the earth and it, I think it, wraps around through the poles, I think.
Speaker 1:Okay, here we go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, we get this. This is actually one of my favorite things of the whole movie, which is really nice. They find this hole, board in the board, down in the ice 30 degree hole, and then they look back up and the buildings are burned out in circles. So, in other words, the predator ship shot a big laser down there. What.
Speaker 1:And yet they are like who could have done this? They're like another drilling team, I don't know what. Everybody looked behind them and saw that the buildings were cut out at the 30 degree angle. It clearly came from the sky and they were like another team must have done it. But I don't know. It clearly came from the sky and they were like another team must have done it, but I don't know. It doesn't make any sense, guys, what equipment do you have that is up in the sky that would shoot that beam? It's dumb, it's really dumb.
Speaker 2:And this is back when we talked about space lasers and all these kinds of things. You'd be like it's the US. You would immediately say the US military used a laser. And then the chemical engineer would say, oh no, there's no space laser. That could be, you know, whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good. That was a good impression there, Dan.
Speaker 2:We set up that there's a storm coming, so that we know we have to do that. We set up that Weyland is sick.
Speaker 1:Do we have a storm then I don't feel like the storm ever happens.
Speaker 2:We just talked about it Because they talk about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's why we have to do it now right?
Speaker 2:Well, a storm would cost money to do.
Speaker 1:Oh, for the production. I was like how would it cost them more money? But you're saying the crew of the movie. Yeah, I see I thought you were in the movie talking about that crew, different crew.
Speaker 2:And that might be interesting if, when they get back on the surface, there was a storm and then we had to battle the alien in the storm and deal with stuff like that In a cool storm. Yeah, that would be what they call the kids call it cool.
Speaker 1:Do you think that that was the script and they thought they were going to do that? By the time they got there, Like we don't have any. This um we. We missed my favorite part of the movie, by the way so hold on this is my favorite part of the movie.
Speaker 1:They get to this wailing abandoned wailing station. Yeah, you get scared by a penguin. They've all talked about it. They said that they were like, hey, this is an abandoned whaling station. That's part of their prep. Now they're walking through the abandoned whaling station and they see giant bones and they're walking through them and one guy goes hey, what are those? What are those? What could they possibly be? They are whaling bones at the abandoned whaling station. Guy, what a stupid question. That was my favorite part of the whole movie.
Speaker 2:See, you'd have rewritten that line. Yo, check out those big weird bones.
Speaker 1:Where's my big?
Speaker 2:You'd have to have big teeth to pick your teeth with those bones. You could do some serious scrimshaw with those bones.
Speaker 1:We would see how many times we could say bones in the in the same one scene. Before the studio was like we gotta, we gotta, cut some of these bones, guys.
Speaker 2:Bones, bones, baby. So they start winching themselves down the hole. Uh, something happens, oh, maybe. Oh, maybe the ship flies over. Something happens yeah, the invisible ship I did like that one time when the ship flew over. It was really nice oh yeah no, this happened before. Something happens and waylon gets loose and he's all like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1:Yeah, his wire, like I don't know if there was a reason, but his wire there was. Something happened, Something shifted or something.
Speaker 2:The boss gets loose and I was like, okay, this is actually a tense moment, it's a tense moment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but they ruin it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it doesn't last, but for a few seconds. There it was tense.
Speaker 1:But he's sliding down a 30 degree, which is what? Like this probably. Yeah, I don't know how fast you get, I honestly don't know how fast that would be, but she takes her pickaxe and swings it and gets his hood perfectly. I don't think so. She's that good, she got a skull, she's that good.
Speaker 2:She got a skull. She's dead. She's dead. She full-on sculled him right there. You'll see later on the movie, tony. She is that good, um, oh she's good, all right the predator ship flies over silently and the one guy kind of looks up and kind of misses it and you're like I could see that kind of happening. It was it was good yeah, because?
Speaker 1:because, unlike a helicopter made by humans, that ship is probably silent um, it drops like the probes and that's that.
Speaker 2:That's the predators. I wasn't quite sure what they were, but those are the predators.
Speaker 1:I'm how big must those twos? Because the predators are giant like. These are big predators, these are big boys.
Speaker 2:At different times they seem like they're another two foot to three foot bigger than humans, and then other times they seem like they're about a foot bigger than an average size woman.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, you know the predator size varies a lot. Do you think? They're kind of like a small version of Ant-Man, where they can go a little bit bigger and a little bit smaller, not too crazy Up and down, down and up. Just enough to reach the top shelf. I need another three inches. Got it.
Speaker 2:Got to have that step stool. They get down, they're looking around the caves. There's no other team, so they're like we're here first. They set up lights. They don't have cameras. Very weird. We see this big sort of silly pyramid they don't have cameras.
Speaker 1:That is, where's the guy with his camera? Why isn't he?
Speaker 2:the only record they're gonna have of this is what's his name? Graham, taking photos on his little tiny camera.
Speaker 1:You're like, okay, well, here's a woman in a helicopter, another woman in the helicopter, there's a lot of this woman in the helicopter, guy you creep.
Speaker 2:Why are they here, Tony?
Speaker 1:Oh, I have no idea. It sounds like he just wants to leave a lasting impression by finding something cool. Is that what I understand?
Speaker 2:That's what they sort of seem to say, but they sort of seem to know that it's dangerous somehow, because those guys are all he brings machine guns, guns to the teeth with guns Right.
Speaker 1:So I'm confused.
Speaker 2:It doesn't make any sense. They really needed to set up that. You know, he's got to pull out the ancient book, he's got to have something that sort of points them in a direction. Oh, here's this. Here's this letter from 1904 where the person was like very frightened about the pyramid.
Speaker 1:So in like that's like one thing could be ancient, right, but then also predator already happened in this universe. So like we know that the predator alien race exists, sort of it probably isn't like widespread, but some people know it.
Speaker 2:Let's let's put it this way, right, because? Because commando schwarzenegger's team was a government team, right? Yes, they were on a real government mission. He survived he came back yeah, I'm assuming he reported he's. You know, he was not a guy that was going to not report to the and now he'll say his piece. Wayland's a billionaire, you know, probably manufacturer, he's going to have information, he's going to be like right and he's going to see the predator and he's going to know what it is.
Speaker 1:Right, and there you go, Done. Now it makes sense. Also, supposedly I just I read this that Schwarzenegger was supposed to make a cameo, but he got reelected to governor in California, so he refused to do the movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that would have been funny. Yeah, I mean that would have been funny. But you know, and then we could have set up, when they finally find the weapons, he could have said ah, just what I'm looking for.
Speaker 1:They're like wait what? I know exactly what these are. I have pictures or whatever. Like you know, it could have made a little bit of sense, not?
Speaker 2:perfect, but a little, and he could have pulled out something that mocks, mock-up using them. There's like a million things you could have done to make it, to make him not look like a schmuck, but he looks like. He just looks like the guy that paid for this and then died and was a schmuck. Yeah Right, which is also very real.
Speaker 2:Let's be honest, so he's a. He's a rich guy, so he's an idiot. Ok, let's make history. They look at the carvings. Um, they hit a pressure plate and now we know things are going on. It's egyptian, aztec, cambodian. Uh, they. They translate the thing. It says only the chosen may enter, okay, um, the predators are up on the surface. They kill pretty much everybody. There's three of them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you believe that there are only three? Because sometimes I feel like more than three died. I'm trying to think about it in my head, did only three die Three died.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I mean two died, and then we're down to the big one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the last, the boyfriend, boyfriend material.
Speaker 2:And the two that die die fairly unceremoniously. They don't seem, and kind of easily. Yes, they don't seem highly effective.
Speaker 1:Right. So I'm a little confused on the general conceit of all this, which I think now is a perfect time to talk about it, right? Yeah, so the general idea, which we'll find out more later, but the general idea is that the three predators come down yes, as like a war games to prove themselves against, you know, a great prey or whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we'll call the three. We'll call the first one Tony, we'll call the second one Dan, and then we'll call the third one, tom Brady.
Speaker 1:TB the goat. So in the flashbacks that we see later, there are thousands of aliens and three of them are just like railing on them, just crushing and killing them, right? No, they lose. They lose eventually, but they don't lose immediately. Like there's three of them against literally a thousand aliens, that's true, and they are slaughtering them left and right and eventually get overrun, which would happen, right, but they probably took 50, 100 down with them For sure. These three nincompoops can barely take on like five aliens. They die immediately. It's weird.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, dan and Tony only maybe kill one alien themselves.
Speaker 1:Dan and Tony do not. I probably don't even get a shot off. I'm probably the guy that's just like I'm walking around. Oh facehugger, I don't know, it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2:Predatory, huge, just three of them. They can do invisible. But what we're going to find out is they don't have their shoulder guns, so their shoulder guns are hidden in the temple. They have to retrieve their shoulder guns then they can start going hogwash. You're like, okay, well, that makes a thing, that's a thing that you could write, does that?
Speaker 1:make sense, like, okay, well, that makes sense, that's a thing that you could write. Does that make sense? Because here's what I'm thinking. I haven't seen Prey, so I don't actually I'm kind of talking out of my ass here. But like, generally speaking, the greatest hunters don't use guns, right, like that's. The whole point is like oh, you're a better hunter if you use a bow and arrow, because it's harder, guns are easier, so this doesn't make them like better hunters to have their guns.
Speaker 2:Well, they're hunting aliens, and the aliens are fairly powerful.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's true, that's true.
Speaker 2:You're right, it's not like they're hunting American Indian guys. You know, like in prey, where, like if you have like real targeting, you're just going to kill everyone pretty easily.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just, you know, run right through them like they did in Predator. Yeah, In Predator, I ain't got time to bleed. Great line, Really good stuff.
Speaker 2:So boom, here we are. We've reached the sacrificial chamber. There's some pyres, some things, where people are laid out. They've all been chest-bursted and we're like, okay, so this has something to do with the whole process. These were the ones that went to die willingly. They gave their lives.
Speaker 1:So the hunt could begin Now. Dan, when they do the flashback, they're all women, right? Did I notice that correctly?
Speaker 2:I didn't notice that it seems like everyone laying down was a woman. It seemed like some of the corpses were dudes, but I don't— when it's the skeletons, I agree, it seems like they were. Seemed like some of the corpses were dudes, but I don't I don't when it's the skeletons, I agree, it seems like they were both.
Speaker 1:But when they do the flashback, it seemed like it was all ladies, but I could have been wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:It felt weird. It felt weird to me when I watched that scene. I don't know.
Speaker 2:So the whole temple yeah, it could be the whole temple is powering. We wake up. We got a full mama alien in the basement. We give her some electric shots. She wakes up, she starts producing eggs and we're like oh, okay, immediately.
Speaker 1:So is she like cryogenically frozen?
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's in some sort of suspended animation and you give her a couple of shocks and she wakes up. So she's making babies, but she's all chained up.
Speaker 1:She's all like let me go Mid-pregnancy though.
Speaker 2:Mid babies, but she's all chained up.
Speaker 1:She's all like mid-pregnancy, though like mid-pregnancy. That's what's weird about it. It's absolute mid-pregnancy. They, they fertilized her.
Speaker 2:And then they like they shut her down, ready to go. Yep, okay, that's perfect. They look down, there's a, there's a lower level. They go down there. The sarcophagus is locked, the dial was set to 1904, but Sebastian the dude figures it out and boom, we open it up. There's three Predator weapons. Okay, three Predator weapons. Boom, they grab the weapons. Oh no. Then Alexa's like okay, we've done enough.
Speaker 1:We gotta go and they're like, nah, we're gonna stay.
Speaker 2:Then the boss is like no, she's right, we're going Okay, nah, we're gonna stay. Then the boss is like no, she's right, we're going okay but grab the guns before we leave.
Speaker 1:Now here's my thing. Yeah, since they don't know what's going on, grabbing the guns is a weird choice. If they were there for the guns, yes, I feel like that makes more sense yes, absolutely, and it would make you know and then you're fucked because it's like, oh, we got what we came for, let's get out of here, boys, we're gonna be rich. And then it all shuts down.
Speaker 2:You're like, well, now we're in trouble yeah, because as soon as you reap what you sow as soon as they they grab the guns, then the whole place becomes like a shifting maze of corridors and passages that.
Speaker 1:Have you seen 13 Ghosts with Matthew Lillard? That's what it reminds me of the house in that, like moose. But that was fun. That was fun, oh great. I love that movie. That's a great movie. Yeah, that one was fun that dude gets cut in half by the glass door and then falls down and he got half his body. Great stuff, great stuff, not in this movie. Back to this movie. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, boom, they take the guns. The doors close, Boom, the sacrificial chamber is locked up and here are a bunch of eggs deposited and three people waiting to be aliened by them.
Speaker 1:Perfect, perfect amount.
Speaker 2:Now we're going to take a short pause.
Speaker 1:Oh great.
Speaker 2:We're going to talk about Alexa's watch that she's always looking at and it's always giving her this useful information, okay, yeah. Do you remember that?
Speaker 1:No, I don't. What kind of watch? Is it a Garmin? What do we got over here?
Speaker 2:What kind of?
Speaker 1:information does it give her?
Speaker 2:Northwest, I don't know, but they're always showing her, they're doing a close-up of this watch on her wrist. She does.
Speaker 1:Like. We should know what the fuck this watch is telling us and it's just like north north, northeast, east, north, north. And we're just like what the fuck is this watch? This watch is, so why are you ever cutting to this watch? Also, wouldn't it be messed up because of the magnetic pole or whatever? That's like the whole point of the poles, right?
Speaker 2:Tony has asked a good question question I don't have answers to episode 253.
Speaker 1:Mark it down in your notes, ladies and gentlemen oh, all our guys.
Speaker 2:As soon as the doors close, they this thing, I like they go, like this. They're carrying like sort of briefcase, they like shake them, the briefcase falls off, and then there's a gun yep, I mean great fun, little effect.
Speaker 1:I don't understand what's going on um, the Great Fun, little effect.
Speaker 2:I don't understand what's going on. The girl wakes up and the blonde girl? She has a chestburster in her. The other guy has a chestburster and we're like, oh okay.
Speaker 1:These people? We're going to have three aliens post-nasal drip, post-haste soon. Now here's a question that we don't know the answer to, but I'm just throwing this out to the universe, right? So in the original movie, yeah, the guy goes out to dinner and he's at dinner.
Speaker 2:It takes a long time out and then it pops out of his chest. Yeah, yeah, yeah Right.
Speaker 1:Like the gestation period is much longer, it seems, than the other one. Now Alien.
Speaker 2:Alien. You go watch that movie. It's a nightmare, it's truly a nightmare. It is a true horror movie. It's true, you know, maybe the first science fiction horror movie, and the chestburster and the facehugger and all these things. You're just like you know, because he's got the facehugger on him and then they free him and he's all like I'm doing better, I'm doing better. Then you have this I'm fine.
Speaker 2:I'm fine. Yeah, you have the scene at the dinner table where the chessburster bursts. They have him on the table and then runs out of the room. And you're just like what is happening and the thing about it is you can still replicate that stuff and try and do it again. Yeah, but when you turn it into shorthand, which is like we're not even going to show you all that stuff, you're like well, why am I?
Speaker 1:even here well, because that's too gruesome for the pg-13 rating tan. So you just have to use your imagination. But my problem is is that it's in real time down below, like they're not in that catacomb for an hour, no, they're there for two minutes and like all of a sudden they're aliens.
Speaker 2:It's wild stuff um, this one random dude's in this triangular tunnel and then he's gone, so I guess he's killed. We don't really even know yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. Um, this was my, this was there's. Here's the best line of the whole movie Sebastian's figuring it out. He's like the the. The tunnel changes every 10 minutes because they worked on the metric system.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Tony, yes Is our, is our way that we keep track of time and hours and all that. Does it have anything to do with the metric system?
Speaker 1:I'll tell you I don't know the answer to that, dan. I don't think so because they don't mention it in the Saturday Night Live sketch with George Washington, so I assume it has nothing to do with it, but I don't know for sure.
Speaker 2:It's one random dude. Dude falls in a hole, breaks his leg, gets eaten. Okay, graham also, just wandering around, seems to get eaten, but he wasn't eating. He was taken off to the you know where.
Speaker 1:They put you in the wall right, because we gotta, we gotta breed you, we gotta put some, some seeds in you maybe put some babies in you.
Speaker 2:The Predators attack. They kick the Maybe. The one Predator attacks, but the alien tail gets him Gotcha.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so he like fought one and lost, that's pretty bad.
Speaker 2:This fight is amongst the worst movie fights of all time. Yeah, that's what I would say. It is so shaky. If you probably saw this in the theater price some people were throwing up I I can't help but believe somebody's yeah, I can't handle that stuff, man, it's tough for me.
Speaker 1:I get motion sickness really easily I get sick. I get motion, dan. I get motion sickness when my wife is looking through Netflix because she moves too fast through the rows and I get sick, like I start feeling nauseated from that.
Speaker 2:So it's bad. I think we lost two predators. I think there was one fight where the predator killed an alien but also got killed, and then the second predator fights the thing and then loses. So I think we're already down two predators.
Speaker 1:Well, one of them gets the mouth head whatever you would call that through his skull and gets like skull fucked. Oh, okay, which was cool, which was a cool visual death, but also dumb.
Speaker 2:So we're down to the last three predators. The last predator Predator. The last Predator Predator sees Wayland. Oh, OK, so the Predator tracks them down somewhere. They'd observed him through the hole and realized they got to give him his gun back. They had a hole. They had a hole that you just throw it through.
Speaker 1:They could slide it. It's as big as their two faces together. And also he's just. Once again, sound is weird in this movie because sound travels, especially in an empty cavern like that. He's just one room over and they're talking at full volume about this guy, like at least whisper.
Speaker 2:At least do me the decency of whispering. You're not allowed to whisper in movies. That is a thing we learned years ago. Okay, boom, boom, boom. Oh, here we go, they're all there. There's Wayland, he's sick. The Predator can see that he's sick and so doesn't, doesn't pay any attention to him, and so he flamethrowers the predator because he doesn't want to be paid attention. It's an ego thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So like the predator drops him and starts walking up and he goes don't turn your back on me. And then like flamethrowers them and I was like that's the, that's the funniest, it's so human, because it's just an ego like you would have lived a little bit, guy, you'd fine. He was just gonna let you go and you're like what I am worthy of your attention? Kill me.
Speaker 2:Very stupid, very, very stupid and wayland is dead, the character that we should sort of be dragging to the end just dead.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't worry too much about him. He comes back as a robot later. What? Because in he plays Bishop. He is the prototype of the Wayland robot things. What are they called in this? I don't remember what the right word is. It's not robot, but Android.
Speaker 2:Android.
Speaker 1:Sure, so there you go.
Speaker 2:Okay and now? So we only got the one predator and we have to show him that he's good. It's fake. Saga jumps at him. He like cuts it in half, um and yet this time there's no blood.
Speaker 1:there's no acid blood, I think acid blood's just on this thing. Acid blood's just on a full-size alien right ah, I mean, I don't know, dan, I couldn't tell you the truth I don't know this other alien trying to sneak up on him.
Speaker 2:He cuts its head off.
Speaker 1:Its head falls yeah, I mean, that's like a cool visual moment, but also just like real dumb.
Speaker 2:I like that. What is?
Speaker 1:what is the? What's the alien doing, Dan why is it walking down the wall?
Speaker 2:Because it can go there and go. Then his little mouth can like walk out with the lips, yeah. Do they always have those lips? Is that lips a new thing? I don't remember that lips. I don't know Sexy lips. Yeah, do they always have those lips? Is that lips a new thing? I don't remember their lips.
Speaker 1:I don't know Sexy lips.
Speaker 2:And then so he killed the one, so he takes off his helmet like scars himself with its little acid finger. So this is when they were watching him.
Speaker 1:They could have just thrown him the gun, and then this is when the Italian guy goes. It's all making sense now. I was like what Are you?
Speaker 2:sure, yeah, so he what? He looks at all the hieroglyphics and figures everything out. They worship them so quick. Yeah, they worship them as gods Every hundred years they came, they hunt the greatest prey and then, when they when the aliens were taking over the whole planet, they nuked. They nuked the whole thing.
Speaker 1:Yep, there it is and then built a new temple. I like, I don't totally understand. It's the same one, isn't it? I don't know, but they nuked it, yeah. So why is it still standing?
Speaker 2:well, it's still functioning maybe it was in a top, maybe it was a neutron bomb, because the neutron bomb just emits, like, I think, maybe neutrinos, I don't know, but it emits all sorts of terrible things and then it kills all the people and doesn't really destroy the buildings does it disintegrate the people?
Speaker 1:nah, I just zap some so like there's a chance that we have 1 000 dead alien carcasses somewhere just laying around and nobody.
Speaker 2:Nobody noticed that nobody ever found them and I'm sure they decompose very quickly they look like they would, considering their skin is immune to acid.
Speaker 2:Here we have Graham. Graham is stuck up in the goop. He looks over, there's his buddy, he's got a facehugger on there, but he sees a gun. So he gets the gun and the facehugger jumps for him and he shoots the facehugger and he shoots it more times and then he looks around and there's hundreds of eggs all cracking with facehuggers and we leave the room with facehuggers and we leave the room, we move out of the, we pan out of the room. We just hear gunshots and we know that Graham has lost.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I liked that moment. That's one of the few moments of the movie I liked it would have been good if we cared about Graham. But he's got kids. How many more times does he have to tell you that he's got kids, Dad. He's got kids, Dad. He's got kids so many kids. Feel bad for the guy.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:We talk about guns, we talk about picking a side, and so they have to decide, you know, are they going to try to kill the aliens and the predators? Are they going to try and work with the predators?
Speaker 1:The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Speaker 2:Sometimes Sometimes.
Speaker 1:There's aliens. Sometimes they're just really mean.
Speaker 2:They run, they have to jump the gap, then he has to save her. She's like rock down, rock down, rock down. Don't think it works that way.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you right now it does not, because her body, when that rock goes down, her body's going down, it's all good.
Speaker 2:The aliens grab Sebastian, take him away. She's following. She looks at her watch. Her watch is broken. What's she going to do? What's?
Speaker 1:she going to do when her magnetic watch stops working? Who knows?
Speaker 2:The predator's behind her and then an alien attacks, and then she actually helps the predator by poking the alien with a spear.
Speaker 1:Now Dan, yes, the alien. She does that thing where you kind of lodge the spear behind you and then the thing jumps on you Set your spear Exactly Now. In that scenario, would the alien be, I don't know, hovering on top of her? Maybe there was a hole in his body, yeah, and he's full of acid, the acid. Which direction would the acid go?
Speaker 2:Straight down, it's very dense, it's very heavy acid go Straight down. It's very dense, it's very heavy, very dense, straight down. So if you're stabbing him like this, as he comes to you, he's out on the pike right Then he's stripping straight down.
Speaker 1:Straight down, huh, straight down.
Speaker 2:Doesn't splatter forward, goes straight down, eats through everything until it gets to the center of the earth.
Speaker 1:Even though his momentum was going towards you, just because it's so heavy. That's what you're saying. It's not heavy, tony, it's dense. Oh, it's dense, dense. Straight down, dense, it's denser. Okay, I understand. Now that's making some sense. Thanks for filling in the blanks, oh shit.
Speaker 2:Alien gets the blaster going. Mama's like hearing all her babies dying. She's like babies come back to me come back to me babies. Um, yeah, mama calls them home, the predator. Oh, then's like okay, we got a little time. What I'll do is I'll make you a spear with the alien's tail and then I'll take the alien's head and make it into a shield. The spear I'm okay with, but the shield was just so terrible.
Speaker 1:But he shows you that the acid doesn't go through the shield.
Speaker 2:I understand what he's showing us.
Speaker 1:I just wish he'd cut like three heads into pieces and then poured some holes in them, stitched them together, made something look like a shield, did some home crafts right there. My question is like is that so? Is that an exoskeleton? I don't know enough about the aliens, but would there not be acid In that? Isn't he just peeling off their shell skin? I don't know. Also, the tail Would drip down the spear Because it's so dense. Remember the dense blood Like. Is there no blood left in the tail? I don't think there's left in the tail.
Speaker 2:I don't understand. There's blood in the tail just full stop.
Speaker 1:There's no blood in the tail because at one point they cut the tail of an alien and he's throwing acid all over the place, and that's when he has to lose his chest plate.
Speaker 2:Remember that, damn that's like by the tail bone, but, like you know, the, the tail itself. So that's that's completely, sections of the tail there, but, like you know, the, the tail itself. That's, that's, that's completely sections of the tail there's sections of the tail that are puppeteered right, and any section that's puppeteered doesn't have that because you don't want to burn it through the strings when, the, when, the, when the people are, you know, manipulating it for the movie Right.
Speaker 1:That's a safety first Cause you know insurance would never cover that.
Speaker 2:You're right. All the babies go home. She calls back to her alien babies and they're all like let us use our acid blood to free Mama from her chains. Adam, I got to tell you something, tony. Yeah, there are things you can make that will withstand acid.
Speaker 1:Well, but the predators don't know that.
Speaker 2:Actually I could be wrong, because this is a molecular acid.
Speaker 1:As opposed to the other kind.
Speaker 2:That's like something they said in the very first movie, and we're all just like a molecular acid. What's that?
Speaker 1:mean what the fuck are you? Talking about so stupid? Well, I do not know.
Speaker 2:Okay, so mama's getting free. Our people go to the egg chamber. They see Sebastian, he's alive, oh yeah. And then this is where it begins. Sebastian's like oh, just let me die, I don't care, but they mustn't bridge the surface. Sebastian's like oh, just let me die, I don't care, but they mustn't bridge the surface. That's what he says, yeah. And then she shoots him. And what does she immediately do with her gun after she shoots him? So he can't become an alien?
Speaker 1:Drops it and runs away from it. She's afraid of guns, Dan Okay.
Speaker 2:Why are you dropping the gun on the ground?
Speaker 1:Your one weapon? Yeah Well, she's got a spear. You know I wouldn't worry about it. My favorite part is this is where Predator falls in love with her. I don't know if you noticed this.
Speaker 2:So the Predator is going to shoot him. He's got his laser on it.
Speaker 1:I know I'm going to break it down for you. So the Predator's got his three-dot laser on the guy and she's like no, don't, Don't do it, I'll do it. So then she shoots him and when she walks past Predator, Predator turns and just checks out her ass the whole way and he's like I'm going to make babies with her. That's when it starts and then it continues later.
Speaker 2:So what you're saying is the Predator is an ass man.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Predator's definitely an ass man. Okay, so Predator sets up his bomb. Beep beep, beep beep. The aliens are everywhere. Predator gets stabbed while they're running. They reach the sled.
Speaker 1:They hit the magic button that makes the sled go 100,000 miles an hour. What button would that be? Why would you ever put a button on your sled that makes it go too fast to be safe?
Speaker 2:Well, it's a theme park setting Ludicrous speed too slow.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's just insane. I don't know. It's the weirdest thing of the whole movie to me.
Speaker 2:And it's so funny because they're in the sled just going and then you see the fire from the explosion. They're like and they get to the, they get to this. This part was really bad, but kind of funny. They burst out onto the surface and then they immediately, you know, leap from the sled as it's flying Basically land running Yep. Continue running. There's more running. There's more falling.
Speaker 1:There's the slow motion explosion as they're running.
Speaker 2:Great stuff there's blowing up and then it's finally over. Predator's there. He's all like ah, we did good, let me take off my helmet. He gives her a scar. He pulls out his alien finger, hold on.
Speaker 1:So he takes off his helmet, revealing his face for the first time, his beautiful, sexy face.
Speaker 1:She's taking it back. She's taking it back. She's taking it back at first and he goes ah, you're scared of me. But then she looks into his eyes and they have a moment where she's like you know what You're beautiful. And then he decides I'm going to make you one of us. And he marks her face slowly and sensually, and the pain hurts, but she kind of likes it, you know what I mean. And then they stare into each other's eyes, debating on whether to take their clothes off now or maybe later. And then the stupid alien mom breaks through the thing, interrupting the one moment we've been waiting for the whole movie. Interracial, interracial species, sex, interspecies, sex sex that's the word.
Speaker 1:Interracial species sex that doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2:That's too many words predator tries to fight it fighter he does not do. Well, mama chases after big. Oh, they knock her into a burning building.
Speaker 1:Uh, yeah, totally fine the lady runs away.
Speaker 2:She hides under this reservoir. Here comes predator. He's coming back. There's like some chain or something.
Speaker 1:Maybe she still has a chain came from. Maybe she still has the chain from when she was locked up, even though she wasn't really wearing chains. She was in shackles. I think this is an extra chain, just in case chain this is the chain that's tied to a post like a dog, so when she runs the post should catch her. But they burned through the post got it.
Speaker 2:so basically, they're on the edge of another precipice, or it's horrible, um gross. So it's horrible, oh gross. So they wrap the chain that's attached to the alien around there and then she hits the thing and it falls over and the Predators I mean the alien is taken to the bottom of the drink, hundreds of hundreds and hundreds of miles deep.
Speaker 1:David Jones's locker. Yeah, pretty crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah great, let's just finish this. Pred Jones is locker yeah, pretty crazy. Yeah Great, let's just finish this. And then Predator is dying yeah.
Speaker 1:He dies. The fact that they don't share a moment here, yeah, is the worst part of this entire film to me. Oh, okay, that makes sense. She comes over to him and he just goes, I'm dead. But they had a relationship, whether it was sexual in nature or not it was. There needs to be some sort of recognition here that, like this warrior has fallen and she survived, like there has to be something. It's very disappointing that there's not. Anyhow, continue.
Speaker 2:This is the point at which I got disappointed with the movie, for the same reason, because she didn't give him a goodbye, kiss, agreed, boom. Here's all these invisible predators, giant invisible spaceship, it appears. The council of the predators goes and honors their dead, takes him on a board, they give her, they give her their spear back and they're all like you're one of us, you're bro, dude.
Speaker 1:You're bro dude, Come on.
Speaker 2:The predator's on a pyre on the thing and boom. The last shot we have is here comes a chestburster out of his chest.
Speaker 1:But it's a predator version.
Speaker 2:Is it really?
Speaker 1:Of the chestbuster? Yeah, because it's got the four talons, so it opens its mouth like a predator.
Speaker 1:It's a what did they call it? Predalien or something like that. There it is. So the next next movie? I have a quick question. Oh yeah, the next movie. It literally starts with the chest bursting one more time. It's great, um, so you know how? In throughout the movie, predator just put on some goggles and he was able to look through a chest and see that there was a creature in it. You're telling me. Not one of them was like we should probably just check and make sure he's not infected. I don't believe it.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, it's the Council of Predators. They're old right. They don't have the helmets anymore. They probably had to give them to young predators.
Speaker 1:Okay, I see, so right, they don't have the helmets anymore. They probably had to give them to young predators?
Speaker 2:okay, I see. So they just have regular old eyes. Let me ask you this right, you're you're like an old you're a knight in old time night times yeah, you do your day, so you're like 32 years old, you do you do your day of jousting. You're like tired, you take off your armor and then you go to your bed chambers where there's a beautiful maiden. Are you wearing your?
Speaker 1:helmet.
Speaker 2:Just one, are you wearing your helmet?
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm wearing that helmet all the time, dude. Alright, the ladies love the helmet. Are you kidding me? The only reason she's with me is because I'm a knight. It's not because of what's underneath. You know what I'm saying. This is not a pretty picture. She wants the shiny helmet. She wants the whole deal. I probably got 90% of my body armor on right now. I can barely move in bed. She doesn't care.
Speaker 2:We watched the movie Excalibur, I believe in 1979.
Speaker 1:Richard.
Speaker 2:Borman doing the King Arthur legend. King Arthur Puts a baby in Guinevere While he's wearing full armor. I turned off to that movie so hard At that point. King Arthur puts a baby in Guinevere while he's wearing full armor. I turned off to that movie so hard at that point. I'm just like, yeah, it's 1979. I'm a 14-year-old boy, right Like you know. I like sexy stuff. But no, there's nothing sexy about being in full armor and putting a baby in somebody. That's a fucking Monty Python sketch. That is. That is. That is and I'm sure there are lots of kids out there. They were like this is the greatest, most sexy scene ever. I was just like this. No, no, no, no no, no, thank you.
Speaker 1:I thought I was being funny when I said that. I thought I was being uh ludicrous, right, I, I was making fun of the situation, but I love that somebody did it for real. Good for them. To be honest, you, I'm stripping it up before I even get home. I don't even like wearing like a long sleeve shirt, so if I was full armor, that would be off as soon as possible. I don't even wear socks in the house because I can't stand how hot they make me Ridiculous.
Speaker 2:That's Alien vs Predator.
Speaker 1:And there's the movie folks, great stuff, great watch you know, stupid, there's no characters no character arcs no.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's your whole problem with these kind of movies is once you know the rules, there's not a lot to add. It's just here's a new person that has to sort of figure out the rules, and then, as soon as they figure out the rules, they will be mainly successful. Yeah, I don't care.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, yeah, all you need is an alien head shield, so I hope that they take that into the future. Now here's a question, right, yeah, um, how do people not know that aliens exist after this movie? Because what, what happens to this woman? She goes home, she, she goes to. You're gonna go home after. Just pretend no, no, I mean a lot of shit happened.
Speaker 2:There's a whole boat full of Weyland's people. They're going to be like where's Weyland? And you know what she's going to have to do? She's going to have to fucking say something. She's not going to say Right so I think they kill her. My theory is that they have to kill her on the boat to keep her quiet, and then they all just go about their lives.
Speaker 1:Maybe that's alien versus alexa on a boat. On a boat, I'm on a boat and yeah, I don't know now we talk about something we like this week.
Speaker 2:I go first. Yes, because it's all about me. I watched the there's a devo documentary out. It just came out very enjoyable. If you like, the band devo and I watched. I don't know I don't know if I do.
Speaker 1:There's a band called devo yeah, I say, I know anything that they sing.
Speaker 2:I say whip it, whip it. Good, do, do, do, do, do oh wow, yeah, I know that they're great.
Speaker 1:I'll have to watch this documentary so I can learn their name.
Speaker 2:And then I watched the new Samara Weaving movie that's on Hulu.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, I want to see that. Is it good Meany?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just I mean she's, she's very attractive, but I also really I really like her as an actor. I think she's she's great. Yeah, she's awesome there's and the guy that plays her boyfriend plays this fuck up guy and yeah, there are a couple scenes in there where she has to make decisions.
Speaker 2:She has to make real decisions in her life and the character standing there having to make a decision in their life, and it makes you think about something stupid like alien versus predator, where no one really ever makes a decision or thinks about anything. It's just like, well, now the character does this, now she's not quitting and she's gonna do the thing because of pride, and you're like, okay, well, then make the whole thing about pride, everything's about pride, and she goes through stuff and she goes through stuff and I don't know. She's very stoic in the whole thing and she gets hurt sometimes and she can play that in not a broad. She never plays anything broad, but you can just see all of it in her face. I can't. At least I'm reading. You know, maybe she's giving his tabula the blank slate and then I'm imprinting all that on there. Sure, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:But it works for me.
Speaker 2:Psychology, it all works for me, so I love her and I've watched Ready or Not and they're making the second one of that, I believe.
Speaker 1:Yes, that movie's so good.
Speaker 2:That movie is so good, that movie's so good. Everything about every everybody in that movie is great, everything that happens you know, it's just like especially adam brody yeah, which one is he? He is spoilers.
Speaker 1:No, he's the brother that like is bad and then helps her and then dies.
Speaker 2:Wonderful stuff he's great, everybody's great, the old grandma yeah, the movie's great.
Speaker 1:Well, I love, we love that movie. That's an every year october watch for us yeah, it's just like this is.
Speaker 2:You know it's a, it's a genre movie, but there's acting and there's plot and things go wrong and you know you have a. Everybody has a plan and the plan goes to shit and then they're all having to constantly adjust their plans that's what. That's what a movie is that's what an adventure action movie is, and this movie had none of that, ever none of it. Oh yeah, well, that's true, tony. What do you got for us?
Speaker 1:oh, this is, uh, I got a fun one. I think a lot of people aren't liking it, which is wrong and rude, but a guy I used to I mean I say we used to be friends but we haven't spoken in years but he was one of the directors On the movie Summer School I did like 15 years ago I think, give or take. He's like taking off. He's getting to direct some stuff. He did the Wrong Turn remake. He did another movie but he just released an official Friday the 13th short film called Sweet Revenge by Mike Nelson. That's my guy and it's dope. I love it. I thought it was great. People are hating on it but they're dumb. It's good. I will watch it, dan. It's good. I will watch it, dan. It's good.
Speaker 2:You will watch it, I assumed you watched it.
Speaker 1:You should watch it. You should watch it. Sweet Revenge it's on YouTube, it's great. Oh, it's on YouTube, it's wonderful stuff. Yeah, it's on YouTube, and I think he's making a remake of Silent Night Deadly Night next, I Deadly Night next. I think that's his next project.
Speaker 2:Is that the one we did? We did that one Did, we do, that, we did a Christmas one where the kid worked in the toy store and had all sorts of problems.
Speaker 1:That was fun. I don't remember. Is that what it was? I don't know what it was called. I mean, silent Night, deadly Night is from 1984. I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 2:My turn to pick the movie. Is it that?
Speaker 1:I don't think it's called that it's got an orphan raised by nuns.
Speaker 2:That is it?
Speaker 1:To be a killer toy. So Santa Claus, yeah, so he's doing the remake of that.
Speaker 2:It's that one was super low budget Was kind of fun because it was super low budget. They had some weird stuff, but that's definitely, see, that's a framework that you're like, okay, do it Make it into a real movie, you know, figure all the stuff out and then it could be creepy as hell. Yeah, I'm pumped. I got to pick a movie a while ago. Then we changed the movie for something else. Oh, maybe for Happy Gilmore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you switched midweek.
Speaker 2:We're going back to that movie Babylon AD. That's Vin Diesel right Babylon AD. That's Vin Diesel right Babylon AD. Is that what it is? Is that a Vin Diesel movie? I think so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a Vin Diesel movie. Absolutely, you're the one that picked it. I don't even know what it is. I picked it weeks ago.
Speaker 2:So we're going back to Vin Diesel.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:Stay on this science fiction kick. I assume it's going to be just as terrible as this and we're going to want to kill ourselves.
Speaker 1:It's going to be really good. It's going to be really good. I love Vin Vinny.
Speaker 2:Anything else you want to report, Tony?
Speaker 1:This is a really short episode. Again, it didn't feel that short. I wish it was short. No, I got nothing else. This was great, this was wonderful. Watch the film. Watch the film.
Speaker 2:Watch the film. Come back next week. Come back next week. Leave us a comment, subscribe or give us a thumbs up. These are all things you can do to support the channel as it hypothesizes into the greatest movie hate reviewing show of all time.
Speaker 1:I didn't understand half of those words. Goodbye everybody. Hey, watch it with Dan and Tony. I didn't understand half of those words. Goodbye everybody.