Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching From The Vaults: Abduction
We go back to one of our earlier episodes as Tony was out sick this week!
A teenage martial arts star with a perfect body and an expressionless face attempts to become the next Jason Bourne? What could possibly go wrong?
Taylor Lautner's post-Twilight action vehicle "Abduction" takes us on a wild ride through one of the most illogical spy thrillers ever made. When high school student Nathan discovers his childhood photo on a missing persons website, he's thrust into a world of government conspiracies, international assassins, and badly choreographed fight scenes that somehow manage to be both frantic and boring.
The film desperately wants to position Lautner as a legitimate action star, but saddles him with a character supposedly suffering from "rage issues" that never materialize. Despite being surrounded by seasoned actors like Sigourney Weaver, Alfred Molina, and Jason Isaacs, the Twilight heartthrob delivers most of his lines with the emotional range of a cardboard cutout. His parkour skills and shirtless scenes can't compensate for a script filled with nonsensical plot developments and technology that would make even the most forgiving sci-fi fan roll their eyes.
Most puzzling is the film's title - nobody actually gets abducted. Instead, we're treated to a collection of spy movie clichés stitched together with teenage romance that feels awkward and forced. From magical phones that can't be traced (except when they suddenly can) to an international network of assassins who can appear anywhere in minutes, "Abduction" breaks every rule of logic while following every rule of bad filmmaking. Join us as we break down this spectacular misfire that tried to launch a franchise and instead became a cautionary tale about what happens when marketing executives decide someone's abs qualify them to carry an action thriller.
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oh wow, look at that. First of all, can't believe they made t-shirts officially licensed piece of garbage gildan uncomfortable shitty ass shirt is. It's not a good cut. Is that what you're telling me?
Speaker 2:If you're no t-shirts. Gildan is like what are the cheapest shirts? We can buy the scratchiest, garbagiest standard shirts that exist, Since we're showing off shirts. Dan, I saw you got your rip-off. I got my rip-off.
Speaker 1:And it's a nice shirt. You should order from the WWE shop more often because it is soft af dude that's what I say to myself every day.
Speaker 2:I should order more wait that was actually in the wwe store.
Speaker 1:Hate Watching with Dan and Tony.
Speaker 2:It's Hate Watching yeah, welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony. I'm Dan, I'm Tony, and this week we're doing the 2011,. What's his name? Taylor Lautner?
Speaker 1:Star Vehicle Abduction from Lionsgate Hour and 45 minutes, and it's a quick hour 45.
Speaker 2:It zooms by. I mean, it wasn't painful it moved, it moved.
Speaker 1:That's my one positive is it moved?
Speaker 2:I mean John Singleton was the director and he did direction. I mean it wasn't you know. I mean the action sequences were pretty good and oh really, you thought you liked them.
Speaker 1:That was one of my biggest complaints is I did not feel like they were cohesive. I felt that they were very jumpy it was. I felt like it was trying to be a Bourne action scene, but without the actual deafness to do it. He just couldn't figure out how they did it correctly because it felt sluggish, but they were still quick cuts where I couldn't tell what the action was, but then they'd hang on. I don't know the pacing felt off. I did not enjoy the two action scenes that we got in the action movie.
Speaker 1:They said there were more than two only if you're counting him running in a straight line for extended amount of time that end chasing is abysmal, my favorite.
Speaker 2:I mean we're just jumping ahead, that's fine. It's like at the very end scene, you know he's like the bad guy and him are both in the baseball stadium and then he's like gotten away from the bad guy and he's hiding behind a pillar and his dad's on the phone with him. He's like you're, you'll never get out of there alive and I'm like he will definitely get out of there. I mean you could just like there's like a million, you can't find someone he's, he's fine.
Speaker 2:Just walk out the exit, you're fine anyone that's been to a real sports stadium. They're. They're like 10 city blocks.
Speaker 1:Buy one of the hats buy a dodge, is it la? Buy a dodgers hat and just walk out. It's not la. Is itA, is it? It was the Pirates? Ah, pittsburgh, it's Pittsburgh. See, I know baseball, I'm a baseball fanatic.
Speaker 2:But you kind of you know, I mean, this is one of those movies where they work as hard as possible to keep the two main characters connected to each other and going somewhere and doing something, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:Let's do it.
Speaker 2:We start out with hard driving music, which Tony loved.
Speaker 1:Dan, this is my first note. Ready it goes. Oh my God, this opening song rocks. This movie is going to be dope.
Speaker 2:And it kind of sets you up. You're like, okay, this is fun, this is going to be a hard-driving movie, Things are going to go happen and Taylor Lautner's on the front of the pickup truck like doing his own stunts and I'm out, I'm immediately out.
Speaker 1:Listen, Dan that is so dangerous. The intro to this film is exactly why I don't want to have kids.
Speaker 2:Oh, my stars and garters, what might happen to Taylor and that beautiful face? Oh my God, he might, he could be my job. So wait, you project yourself as his parents.
Speaker 1:Yes, I did, because I am that age now and I just thought to myself if my kid is riding on the hood of a fricking truck down a road, I'm going to ground him for life. He will never leave his bedroom Unbelievable. That is so dangerous and he's fine. What I thought was going to happen was they were going to crash. I thought for sure they were going to crash and his friends were going to die. But guess what? They're all fine. This is a terrible moral lesson for the kids of the world. You can ride on cars. It's fine, idiots.
Speaker 2:So they're going to a party and they show up at the party Underage drinking another bad moral of the film. Good God, Tony. When did you become like old man? Whatever the fuck.
Speaker 1:When I turned age 35, 35, it all changed yeah, hey, ladies, we're here and ready to party.
Speaker 2:Dude, you're crazy. Let's do this check it out. Those are amongst the very first lines of the movie.
Speaker 1:It's the dialogue in this movie is so bad. It's what's not bad, it's just so basic.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's very basic.
Speaker 1:There's no real human dialogue in almost the whole film. It's just kind of characters saying character-y lines.
Speaker 2:But you're right, no, they're actors saying lines, they're not characters saying characters. There's nothing and it's a pool party. There's some hot girls fighting. Oh yeah, someone says, that's swag, which I was. Like that's swag.
Speaker 1:Was that a cool thing to say? I wasn't cool in 2011.
Speaker 2:And you know so they're hanging out, and, and and we you know so, so they're they're hanging out, and that we get the two plot points that are going to be paid off later, right here at the beginning. Yes, great, great job, foreshadowing Like his buddy makes fake IDs and his buddy has access to the Pirates baseball team via tickets, which is great that they brought that back?
Speaker 1:I have no idea. Yeah, I don't know how he has them really. No, and I'm not sure why they're not traced it. I mean, it doesn't really matter for the ending, but I was kind of. I was kind of like sure, but aren't those his dad's tickets, which is his best friend? So really you'd be able to know where he's going before he goes there, right?
Speaker 2:I don't know. You mean the. You mean the bad guys would have known about the tickets.
Speaker 1:I think the good guys should have known about the tickets. You don't think so?
Speaker 2:You mean the FBI or the bad guys?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess good is relative in all of the people, but I mean the CIA, right, that's Doc Ock.
Speaker 2:Yeah, were they CIA or FBI? I think they're FBI because CIAbi, because cia operates outside of the country, fbi operates inside of the country could have sworn.
Speaker 1:He said cia. You know what?
Speaker 2:I'm sure you're right he could have said cia.
Speaker 1:It should have been fbi, because that doesn't make any sense I don't know nothing unless the, unless the pirates are overseas and we did not realize that it was like not major league baseball, it's, it's the double a's, triple a's.
Speaker 2:So we, we, we set up that that he, this friend, has this access, which is basically we're to learn unlimited access to the pirates unbelievable, so cool so uh, we're, we're burning through this. He gets drunk and passes out on the lawn. Well hold on.
Speaker 1:I have a question.
Speaker 2:Oh wait we did do the girlfriend.
Speaker 1:We did not do the girlfriend, and that sets up the other plot point. Well, kind of not really. That he has anger issues, I guess. But are they cool, him and the girl? I can't tell no, no. Him and his friends, are they cool kids or are they girl? I can't tell no, no, no. Him and his friends, are they cool kids or are they outsiders? I honestly couldn't tell.
Speaker 2:Well, what happens is? He's sort of standing there? And then this other guy, this super hot, not super hot this high school attractive girl, walks by and he's all making googly eyes and we know that. We find out that they have a past of some sort.
Speaker 1:By the way, real quick on the googly eyes, his smolder, not very good. He looks like he's just kind of closing his eyes, like that's his brooding, like he's just like it's very good, it's very good.
Speaker 2:So her boyfriend, who's this sort of Weasley blonde guy, bumps into taylor nathan and sort of goes and he's like I'm ready to go bro, it was.
Speaker 1:It's one of my favorite lines of the movie. He goes watch it and then nathan goes watch what he's like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you get him dude, burn, hot, burn, hot, burn showing. Oh man, I, I you know I could have been there. So they don't fight, because the girlfriend whispers in her boyfriend's ear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like a 10-second whisper she stops him from fighting. I assume she's like, hey, he's got rage issues, don't do that. But we don't get to know that.
Speaker 2:Yes. For a guy with rage issues, never it like he's so controlled you could be punching him in the face and his rage issues like he's like there they're coming. You better watch out rage issues.
Speaker 1:It's boiling, it's boiling, don't worry, don't don't push me, um.
Speaker 2:So yeah, so we meet the girl and we find out they have some sort of history. So so, tony, what if you were writing the log line of this movie, which is your one or two lines that like are that you give to a producer to say this is what this movie's about? What do you say this movie's about?
Speaker 1:I would say I mean, I know what's it called when you combine two movies for the pitch, what's that? That's not the log line, obviously, but oh, I don't know. I mean the pitch is jason bourne meets team romance. I mean that's my pitch for the movie but as a log line I would say, nathan finds out that he was sort of adopted and his past comes back to haunt him like that. I guess it's not really his past, though it's like his dad's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know his dad's past and general current things that his dad are doing his dad's present. He general current things, that his dad is present, his dad's present, he gets drawn into a web whereby certain people are going to try to exploit him to get someone else to do something or get something that they want.
Speaker 1:So it's just, I'll buy that in the room that they want Hot dog.
Speaker 2:I'll buy that in the room Ka-ching. What this movie suffers from is Taylor Lautner was they think Taylor Lautner might be a huge movie star. So what they decided to do was make this movie and put a fair amount of money and put a fair amount of stars and put some action into it to see if he can be a star. Right, that's what I think.
Speaker 1:Oh, 100%. This is absolutely a test.
Speaker 2:This was his testing ground and he got a D, sadly.
Speaker 1:So yes, first of all he was not good at all. I can't remember the joke exactly, but I leaned over to my wife at one point and I was like he makes a better robot than Randy Quaid did in Pluto Nash, because he's got one note the whole time. For a dude with rage issues he's very monotone, like his rage is definitely beneath the the surface and he cannot emote. But the movie itself was not good. The script wasn't very good, so you kind of set him up to fail. I feel bad for him a little bit. I don't think it's entirely his fault that this movie didn't work out, but it made a lot of money. It made like $80 million.
Speaker 2:Yes, but I'm sure it made the wrong money. I could bet you it made a lot of money. It made like 80 million, yes, but it made it made. I'm sure it made the wrong money. I, I could bet you it made just the wrong money. You know, just like love guru made some money, but it made the wrong money. It didn't make the money. The way it was supposed to make money. That was to prove. The point of concept was that he can be a star and and and I and the thing is is this is made through his production company, you know which is oh, oh yeah do that research.
Speaker 2:Okay, I mean yes, and that when I did a little more research he's a hard guy to research because nothing kind of happened after this movie. He's had two sort of tv show things, one of them in england, which cannot be good, um, but it said a series of of things fell apart that he was working on through his production company and so you could totally tell he came off twilight hot. They're like okay, your production company set up the offices, meetings, meetings, meetings, everybody's like we want to work with you, we want to work with you, we want to work with you. Then this movie comes out and it does a flat line, and in this world a flat line means a failure.
Speaker 1:You see, and this is where I think it's his agent's fault, because if I've learned anything from Entourage, you always, always book your next gig before your last movie comes out, so nobody knows how trash it is. That's Agent 101 in Hollywood. Always be ahead of the game, guys.
Speaker 2:But I think the whole thing is they're trying to sculpt his career and the truth of the matter is you don't sculpt the career. You say yes to anything you can and you just keep making stuff, because nobody expected twilight to do a billion dollars except for you, dan, because it's your favorite movie of all time.
Speaker 2:It's freaking dreamy, um. So I think, and that's why in this movie he's not a character, because they don't want to give him rage issues, they don't want to sure say that he has an alcohol problem because he was. You know he lost his mom and has all these bad dreams and inside you know he has all these problems, but they're not manifest in the character because they want him to be this squeaky clean guy that girls can love, as opposed to like this effed up guy that the girls love even more because they love damaged men, and I don't mean that want to fix it.
Speaker 1:They love damaged men and I don't mean that in a bad way. My wife loves damaged men. That's why I'm married. I don't know If that's the case.
Speaker 2:I understand everything you're saying, but if that's the case, write that movie. Was that a joke, Tony?
Speaker 1:No, that's serious. I have severe issues guys.
Speaker 2:Big time Rage issues.
Speaker 1:I got rage issues if you can't tell. Actually, you probably can tell if you listen to this podcast. I do have rage issues.
Speaker 2:So I wrote here squanch face.
Speaker 1:What Can you emote that for me?
Speaker 2:He makes his face. It's kind of a squanch face face and it's very unattractive, so does his dad pick him up at the party.
Speaker 1:Yes. So his dad picks him up the next day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, next day, because he wakes up and finally.
Speaker 1:I waited five minutes to get Taylor Lautner shirtless. It finally happens at the 4.30 mark. I thought it was never going to happen. I was waiting and waiting and it was worth it. Man, that guy is cut up Good for him. Dedication.
Speaker 2:So his dad picks him up, takes him home. It's Jason Isaacs, his mom's Maria Bello, and then his dad immediately starts beating the crap out of him with boxing gloves.
Speaker 1:So this is something that I'd like to talk to you about this scene and how you feel about it, because the wife and I got in an argument over it. Of course I am. I am on the dad's side in this scene. How did I want to hear how you felt about the situation?
Speaker 2:How I felt is they were just playing him one level of dick too high. He was just such a dick and you're just like if they had toned the dick down a little bit, you know, and just made it. And this is the problem with the whole movie is we find out that these aren't really his parents and that his dad is like this super spy. The problem is they haven't decided where, where, where, they're going to trick us, right, the whole idea of these kind of movies is to keep us in some level of suspense, but that never happens. We we realize instantaneously these aren't his parents, but never once do we think that these aren't his parents. And they have it in for him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that they're using him. We always know that all they do is care about him. Yeah, and the whole idea of you having no identity because you're not with your real parents is you have to become untethered from what you believe. He says it a few times, sort of, but he never. He never becomes untethered where he's like I don't know where I stand in the world. He always really knows where he stands in the world throughout this entire movie.
Speaker 1:I mean this kid, for you know, again, rage issues. He's pretty calm and collected for all of this craziness that's happening to him.
Speaker 2:And and and. So Jason Isaacs, you know, punches him and says you got to get. You know, you got to do better because life.
Speaker 1:So I did not find him to be a dick. I was like good for you dad teaching the hard lessons, and the kid was just being a little wimp about it. I mean, he brought out a karate kick at one point. You guys, you're boxing, don't break the rules because you're losing. Jeez.
Speaker 2:Did your dad like keep you in a box? You know Tony's been bad. He's put him in the box.
Speaker 1:There was one hole in the box and instead of a breathe hole it was for the zapper.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you're kidding of course I'm kidding, I don't know. You know, I thought you think that's how a kid should be brought up? You know extra whip, you know I don't know if it's how you should be, brought up.
Speaker 1:But I'm just saying, uh, at least he was wearing gloves right. It was in at least the facade that they were practicing sparring, so that's pretty good.
Speaker 2:So he didn't put on like the gloves with the metal spikes. Yeah, you're going to feel this time Jesus, not like gladiator, where he's got like the, the yeah and the the pokey, the pokey fork. So then I wrote the parents love each other. I guess there was something like where we see that jason isaacs and maria bello love each other for sure.
Speaker 1:There's a scene in the kitchen where they're kind of flirting and I guess I would have liked to known just like a little bit more about them before we just kill them off, Because I was confused. Were they a couple before? Did they get assigned this mission because they were already a couple and they're like you'll be great as parents Maybe here have a kid. Did they fall in love while they were on the job? Because I like that angle as well.
Speaker 2:I just would have liked a that would have involved writing two or three lines about them. So then we meet Sigourney Weaver. She's his shrink.
Speaker 1:Because of the rage issues.
Speaker 2:And he feels like a stranger in my own life. He has insomnia and rage issues and she says that he should just put the anger away. Basically, she's like don't worry about it. And then he talks about the dream, which, of course, we all know is real Because they stage it exactly as it's real. We're going to find out that the big bad guy at the end killed his mom while he watched from under a bed Because somehow, you know, somehow closure, yeah. Then I wrote motorcycle slash band montage. I don't know, is he?
Speaker 2:in a band.
Speaker 1:No, I don't remember that, but he drives his motorcycle a lot but he looks pretty good on it. He's no Tom Cruise on a motorcycle, but still I'd buy it.
Speaker 2:Then we see wrestling and we show that he's a great wrestler, did we? I strongly disagree that he's a great wrestler Did we?
Speaker 1:I strongly disagree that that's what we showed. I would have liked him to do a cool move. All he did was hip toss his opponent. That's like wrestling 101. His opponent was a terrible wrestler. What is going on? The person that wrote that scene obviously didn't wrestle. I mean, they grapple for what eight seconds and then he hip tosses him and pins him. Come on, you guys, that's Bush League wrestling.
Speaker 2:So then we have this sort of extended weird scene with the sociology teacher who like sets up. I mean, wasn't that there was like this whole sort of weird thing where he's like talking and talking and talking. Where they have to, they have to set up with partners and he of course magically gets partnered with the girl across the street. What?
Speaker 1:was the assignment dan do it? Write a paper about sociology right, that's kind of what I got too. It's just like a general sociology for a scene that lasts three minutes of him talking nonsense. He never explains the assignment. That then cat, is the catalyst for the whole movie Pretty much as they're doing the research. I was like what is the assignment? Your, your research doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2:So he, so he gets, so they sit home. And then she's coming over and he spies her out the window and he's like, oh my. And then she's coming over and he spies her out the window and he's like, oh my God, she's coming and he freaks out and he's throwing his underwear around and trying to clean his room.
Speaker 1:A great moment for comedy, but they just missed it. They didn't do it. I don't know what happened, but that should have been like a fun, a little fun like oh he's, he's a cute teenager. Still, it was dumb.
Speaker 2:I hated it so she gets in there, she's in the room and she's like looking around and she says a line like um, when last time I was in here you had bunk beds yeah, and then she was also like you still like games or something, so it's trying to establish that she's been in the room before, but it's also weird.
Speaker 1:It's also weird Bunk beds yeah, by himself. Why does he have bunk beds?
Speaker 2:Is there a dead twin that we don't know about?
Speaker 1:That's a great twist. I love that that should happen. But it's not. It's just like a kid. Maybe they wanted more, I don't know. Again, I don't understand the backstory.
Speaker 2:So they're working on the paper which they're looking at. Wait, hold on.
Speaker 1:You missed a very important part. I'm all about the parenting in this episode, Dan. Oh, she comes in with cookies or something Well as the mom's leaving. She asks door open or door closed. No, mom, Door open, Always, he's 17 years old.
Speaker 2:He says door closed. I know that's what he says.
Speaker 1:You should don't offer that. What kind of parenting is that? Would you like me to close the door so you guys can fornicate? What are you talking about? Not in my house, dan, door open. Fornicate what are you talking about? Not in my house, dan, door open. And what does he say? Well, he says door closed, but he says it like a snot, which is where I remove his door she closes the door yeah, she 100, she just does it.
Speaker 2:She's just like, hey, that's cool so this little teen girl lives across the street. I mean she looked kind of menaced when the door was shut, right yeah, she's like please don't lock me in here with this creep.
Speaker 1:But the mom's like ah, it's fine, don't worry gotta make baby skilled martial artist.
Speaker 2:Oh, my god so they're doing their research on the computer and then they like find a picture of a little kid and then he's like, if there's like a button to push to age the kid, yeah there's this website that they find has picked milk carton kids and it somehow transforms them into what they look like today. This algorithm is amazing, by the way fantastic we're gonna find all those kids and he's like that's that, looks like me, she's like that, looks like you, and he starts, he becomes instantly inner conflicted thinking that's him.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, like, like, not even like huh there's not a moment where he's like well, I mean, I have my parents, I'm not on, this isn't me. There's lots of kids that probably look like that, but no, it's a meeting. He's like oh shit, that tiny kid that looks just like. I remember myself looking in the mirror.
Speaker 2:But before all that Dan.
Speaker 1:I just want to point out why, again, I don't like the kids in this movie. They're all jerks. They spend two or three minutes making fun of these milk carton kids. Oh, really Did they? Yes, they're like. Oh, he looks like if this one ugly person met this homeless person Like what you guys are the worst. You deserve to be on that list.
Speaker 2:So he's oh, he was grounded for being being drunk all night so yes, and so why did I write evil guy in car? Who's the evil guy? Are they like watching him?
Speaker 1:yeah, someone's watching the house because this is the night that they get attacked already oh, he calls the number.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he calls the number.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he calls the number and says, oh yeah, he calls the helpline.
Speaker 2:You know, I maybe have seen this kid. Who is this kid? And of course they instantly get this information to the bad guys, like instantaneously.
Speaker 1:So apparently, from what I understood, that's the bad guy's website. Yeah, so apparently, from what I understood, the bad guy, that's the bad guy's website. The bad guy made an entire real website with an incredible algorithm that took many data scientists years to develop just to catch this one kid.
Speaker 2:More importantly, later on in the movie they say he did all sorts of things like this. There's not just one. You get the feeling he's done hundreds, hundreds of different things for how long, dan?
Speaker 1:because didn't the dad just steal the information from the bad guy like how quickly did they implement?
Speaker 2:these things? No, they implemented it way back in the day just just for years for years. Yes, they've been trying to track this kid down for years. Yes, no, he. He makes one slip at any point and he's like you're, you're gone. You know, probably if he sends in a 23 and me he dead oh yeah, he's dead for sure, because they probably own 23 and me.
Speaker 2:Um, so there's like an evil guy in the card. Oh, I don't know what happens. He spills to his mom, right. So he tells his he he has all the stuff laid out on the bed and mom walks in and he's all like this is me. And she's like yep, yep, that's you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's very forthcoming with it. I mean, I guess if you're faced with all the evidence, you just give up because you're a super spy and can't lie to save your own life.
Speaker 2:Somebody wants to be on TV?
Speaker 1:Oh, she's got the cone off Great, great news.
Speaker 2:So he spills to the mom and then the bad guys are outside. Because? Because, as soon as the bad guys find out, they're instantly able to send more bad guys anywhere in the world.
Speaker 1:Pittsburgh, the. The infrastructure of this bad guy network is so great. They are so good at what they do, Unlike the FBI or CIA, whichever it is. They are not nearly as good as the bad guys.
Speaker 2:So this is the big, exciting scene where the bad guys come in. Two bad guys come in with silencer guns. They come in and then Maria Bello fights them first and she just you like that part. She was kicking ass.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'm like hell, yeah, ma Get it.
Speaker 2:So she's like banging them, banging them, stabbing them with the things with the pruning shears right in the shoulder, which somehow did nothing, they were totally fine.
Speaker 1:I felt like she spent four minutes beating the crap out of them and then they were just kind of like ah boy, good thing Women can't hit Cause.
Speaker 2:I'm fine, right now Shake it off, and then he sees it and with his rage issues he runs away.
Speaker 1:What this? This kid should be in there and get his ass kicked and then the dad has to come save him, and then he runs away Reluctantly.
Speaker 2:That's what should have happened His first instinct run away Just like a scared little baby, like the little bitch that he is. So then, um then, jason Isaacs, who's in in the shop, in the garage, grinding metal as you do gets a gun, runs out with the gun, points the gun in front of him and what does he immediately do? Jumps over and engages in hand to hand combat. You are in charge with a gun and they just shot your fake wife.
Speaker 1:You, you don't, you don't fight, you shoot first. All right, shoot first. Do the han solo shoot first.
Speaker 2:Ask questions later you use your gun, so he starts, you know they, we start fighting again. And then, uh, what's his name's? Halfway down the street and he decides, oh, maybe I, maybe I should go back.
Speaker 1:So then he turns around For the girl, for the neighbor girl.
Speaker 2:Oh, because he realized the neighbor girl was going to go over to his house at some point.
Speaker 1:I can't remember her name, but he says her name in the street.
Speaker 2:Not for his parents, karen, no, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Oh, I think that's right.
Speaker 2:Maybe no one cares. She's not a character, she's, she's a female prop that just wanders through scenes. So he runs back and then jason isaacs gets killed. And then the rage issues kick in. Did they? Yeah, because he then he throws oh no, no, you're right, no, no, jason Isaac tells him to run.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then he yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's still hiding right until the dad dies.
Speaker 2:He's like run, and then he runs.
Speaker 1:And then he comes back for the girl who's being held at gunpoint.
Speaker 2:And that girl. This girl gets traumatized like multiple times and is unaffected by it.
Speaker 1:She watches them die. She's at the door watching people that she's grown up living next door to get brutally murdered and then she gets held at gunpoint herself, and she's fine kids are resilient dan and the, the killer, who's, like you know, cold-hearted killer.
Speaker 2:What does he do? He like drops a line. I'm not gonna make this take too long, or something yeah, he's like don't worry, you won't even feel it.
Speaker 1:It's like okay, just just kill her, you know how.
Speaker 2:That's how long it takes to kill somebody. Don't need to do a comical line. So nathan takes something, he throws it at the dude and then he's a shot glass, shot glass, and then he just rages on the dude like he really rages on him, which is cool, which was nice. And then they get like a poker and he smacks him in the nuts, I think, and he's, he's, he's ready to freaking, dismantle this guy, which is what? And we get to the best line in the movie. What's the best line in the movie?
Speaker 1:I have no idea. I didn't write down any lines in this scene. You mean the best?
Speaker 2:line in the movie. I thought I already did. Didn't write down any lines in this scene. You mean the best line in the movie? I thought I already did the best the best thing in the whole movie there's a bomb in the oven oh, I have so many questions on this, dan, so he goes.
Speaker 1:what he says is nathan, I'm not gonna die here, there's a bomb in the oven, okay, but but then he doesn't leave, right, he does die there.
Speaker 2:We don't know. I don't understand the line. Did he put the?
Speaker 1:bomb there? Why did he put the bomb? Why is the bomb on such a short timer? If he's in the house, that's just bad planning. Give yourself time to get out and move along down the street probably.
Speaker 2:You know how hard it is to have a bomb that's attached to your phone, where you just push a button and the bomb blows up. But no, they've decided that they're going to go into this house and at some point they plant this bomb, which you never see. Them plant the bomb because they're constantly fighting with people who are looking for Nathan, and they put the bomb in the oven with a timer. But and then? What does Nathan do? Someone says to you there's a bomb in the oven, do you?
Speaker 1:go to the oven. Tony, one hundred percent. I have to fact check. Ok, dan, what if he's lying, I don't know? So I got to go there. I got to look. Okay, that looks like a bomb. It's counting down for sure. Okay, and then I'll casually close the oven and then somehow be transported in four seconds outside by my own pool.
Speaker 2:Well, so the bomb, they have seven seconds. When he opens the oven he's like oh, and then they both start running and they get blown into the pool under the water, where they're safe, because water protects you from everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's fine, it's fine. Doesn't make any sense, but it's fine.
Speaker 2:And then they motorcycle away. Then we have this montage of all the evil people in the world, coming from every corner of the world, hundreds and hundreds of guys getting on airplanes with the most advanced machine guns and everything to go to Pittsburgh and like hang out in a hotel, hang out in a hotel.
Speaker 1:Well, as we learned from Stealth, they just like to hang out together in buildings with no innocent civilians. So it's fine, Wait what is you mean?
Speaker 2:Like the Alaska thing? Is that what happened in stealth?
Speaker 1:No, no, no. When they were all the three terrorists were meeting in a building and it just happened to be only filled with terrorists and no good guys whatsoever.
Speaker 2:So they're all ready. You know, the evil Russian guy has assembled his super crew, and then Nathan is at the. Why is he at the hospital? Oh, because she got cut or something.
Speaker 1:She got hurt I don't remember seeing it, but on the motorcycle. He asks her how bad is it? And she's like, oh, it hurts. And then he's like let's go to the hospital. Is that how she talks? Oh it hurts. It hurts me.
Speaker 2:I'm hurting right now. So of course he does your classic thing he picks up the phone to call somebody and the FBI instantly is on the line and instantly is talking to it.
Speaker 1:Nathan, nathan. So here's my thing about several moments in this movie. They continually pick up their cell phones and just make a phone call. Yeah, and each time it's the good slash bad guys.
Speaker 2:It's good guys and the bad guys.
Speaker 1:You guys never learn a lesson.
Speaker 2:Everybody, the good guys and the bad guys, can tap into any phone call.
Speaker 1:They can tap into any camera.
Speaker 2:They can assemble any information that they might possibly need literally in seconds.
Speaker 1:Except for when they reach out to their friend.
Speaker 2:And we're going to talk about the black friend later, because that's my pitch for this movie. Okay, this movie should be about him.
Speaker 1:What's his name? Googly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, his name is Googly.
Speaker 1:I'll find it. I wrote a note about him. Keep going.
Speaker 2:So somehow, oh, so he's talking to Alfred Molina, frank, who's the head of the FBI, or whatever, and then somebody says trust needs to be earned.
Speaker 1:Taylor Lautner says it oh, okay, because the FBI CIA is like Nathan, I need you to trust me. He's like trust is earned and then he's or no. He just leaves it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, doesn't even hang up His little girlfriend's in all this peril, the real people that can ostensibly help him. He's like giving the blow off to yeah for sure, Like he's Mr Outfitted to protect the world. So somehow Sigourney Weaver has figured out that he's here.
Speaker 1:Well, they all know he's there Dan.
Speaker 2:But how does Sigourney Weaver know he's there?
Speaker 1:Because she is also a super spy. They're all super spies.
Speaker 2:But she didn't have all this. I mean, she doesn't have the tapping information.
Speaker 1:Well, you, don't know, she's probably got her own wire tap. She's a third wire tap or she's tapping the bad guys. Maybe she's a wire tap of a wire tap.
Speaker 2:So she says something about oh, so she helped smuggle them out of the place With balloons yeah, which of course makes no sense. Why are you smuggling this stupid girl out of there? I mean, would they even know that he's affiliated with the stupid girl?
Speaker 1:I don't think anyone that lived has seen her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because only the two assassins would have known she even exists. Maybe that one assassin got out and said she's so he didn't die there, so he was good to his word. He absolutely didn't die.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to die here, there's a bomb in the oven, and then he scrambles away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so he has told them that the girl is pivotal, even though we don't even know that. You know like somehow.
Speaker 1:She's very important to him.
Speaker 2:So Sigourney Weaver gets them into her vehicle and they drive away and then she says things like you were looking for answers your whole life and sort of, and then gives him the next step in the in the plot progression. Here's some keys, here's an address. Go here and then jump out of the cars. I go around this corner because she knows there's like this soft corner that they can jump out and super spy man, super spy.
Speaker 2:She's run that route every day for 20 years, ready for this one moment so she has driven off, and then she explodes in the distance, so we don't know if she's alive or dead.
Speaker 1:Except for you know, because they literally cut away. So you know she's not in the explosion. It's not very misleading. They should have. They should have never. I don't know, it doesn't matter, doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:So he's like they're going to track us, so we need to get in the river, which they never do. Track them with dogs.
Speaker 1:No, of course not. There's no dogs.
Speaker 2:Dogs were too expensive for the budget. So then she gets cold because she weighs got to be like 82 pounds and she would totally like in a Pittsburgh river in the middle of the night she would be a freaking popsicle and I feel bad saying this, but her cold acting wasn't very good and I was just.
Speaker 1:I was just like guys, just let her get cold, just let her method act for like the four seconds because or don't show it one of the two, because it wasn't good she just kind of did the the teeth chatter, the classic. Oh, I'm cold jesus, idiots.
Speaker 2:So um. So he says something like suddenly everyone is trying to kill me or something, me and I can't read my own writing, is trying to drawing, yeah, drawing red. Drawing red me, dying red me trying to read me, I don't know. So the bad guys are like the bad guys and the good guys are like track the girl, track his friends, track everyone.
Speaker 1:And, as they're saying, I love the cuts to the people as they say their names, just in case we forgot who they're talking about. They're like track the friends. Then we go to the friends, track this guy. We go to the friends, track this guy, we go to that guy and it's just like okay, this is weird.
Speaker 2:So they hitchhike to the safe house and they get there and they unlock the door, which just there's no alarm or anything, and then it's like an apartment. Nathan starts tossing the whole place just like going through everything uh, calculator, uh, rubber bands, uh, and what does she?
Speaker 1:do dan her first move cosmetics no, she picks up her phone and is like I'm gonna call my dad that is not the first thing she does oh, she goes to the she goes to the bathroom and like is like she has a towel and she's going like this with the towel. I don't remember that at all.
Speaker 2:I rewatched that part. She went to the bathroom and maybe she took a shower, which I mean, if I was in a freaking river you'd be disgusting.
Speaker 1:I mean the truck driver.
Speaker 2:That picked them up should have been like you guys smell like you're freaking swamp rats.
Speaker 1:I forgot to mention that one more time. Terrible moral for the kids Don't hitchhike. Guys Don't hitchhike, especially with a trucker. That's like super excited, like yeah, come on in, he's a bad guy, it's not going to end well Okay.
Speaker 2:So Nathan tosses the place and he finds money, a gun, so much money. He finds this little cell phone. I believe it was sitting out. I couldn't tell if it was in the bag or if it was sitting out on top of something yeah, I don't know. And he opens it and he sees all this coded information and there's a little noise too, isn't there? Yeah, for sure. Just just to let you know little noise too, isn't there?
Speaker 1:Yep for sure Just to let you know this is these are digits processing right now Something's happening in this phone, not normal phone stuff.
Speaker 2:This is the phone, this is the magic phone. This is what's going to get you killed.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of magic phones in this movie.
Speaker 2:The one thing, one of the few good things about this movie, is they do not discount the idea of the phone. Yeah so, uh, I wrote down make the idiot call. She picks up the phone. Makes the idiot call to her uncle because her uncle's gonna be worried about her because her parents are like off on some trip or something yeah, they're in.
Speaker 1:What are they? Paris, they're. I think they're in europe or something. I think all these people are super rich. That's what I got out of it.
Speaker 2:Everyone is super rich, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, must be rough, nathan.
Speaker 2:Except the black kid who has to make money selling fake IDs to rich white kids.
Speaker 1:Does he though, because his dad has all access, passes the pirates. I think he's just a bad kid. Dan, again, I think he's just a bad kid Dan.
Speaker 2:Again, I think they're bad. These are just bad kids. So he also finds a piece of paper that has a woman's name and an address. So they're like, ah, this is the next thing we can do together. He doesn't cut loose with the girl. He doesn't like say you know, you go free. Why don't you like hang out at a motel Because he's got 10K? He doesn't like say take 10K cash and go to a hotel and hole up there until this is over. No, you go with me because we need extra Jeopardy.
Speaker 1:Well, because he hasn't had a girlfriend his entire life and he's finally got like a good situation that might lead to something. Girls in peril are always vulnerable, Dan.
Speaker 2:Jesus don't Spoken like a true stalker. So he gets to the cemetery. He finds his mother's grave and he says I never knew either of my mothers.
Speaker 1:Hold up. First of all, can we talk about them fighting. How long did it take them to realize they were in a gosh darn cemetery because they're driving? And he's still looking, she's like this is a weird address, but in the window we're seeing a mausoleum I mean you're already in the cemetery? Guys, how long does it take to figure out that those, those letters and numbers are a freaking plot number, you idiots oh, was there a plot number was.
Speaker 2:Was that part of the thing?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was like G367, something, something.
Speaker 2:So they realized that and so they're like, okay, we're out of clues, except like the guy in Nebraska which we're going to have to do the guy in Nebraska next, which I didn't quite understand, the Nebraska guy. And so this is Tony's favorite part of the movie, where they find the next clue. How do they get to the next clue, tony?
Speaker 1:I don't know. Hold on, let me look at my notes.
Speaker 2:I got nothing. They go into the mortuary and there's like the poor fat kid, oh no, okay, I did write this down.
Speaker 1:This is my favorite part of the movie because it's hilarious.
Speaker 2:This poor kid.
Speaker 1:Is this an after school job for him? Because he is a 15 year old loser for sure. I'm sorry that was me. Wait a second Hold on.
Speaker 2:You were like they were on the site with their little stolen kids. And you were like they're making on the site with their little stolen kids and you were like they're making fun of those poor kids. And here's this poor little portly boy who's working in a mortuary and you're like burn him down.
Speaker 1:Well, there are two key differences between those. Dan One those first kids were abducted. It was not their choice, okay, this kid just kind of let his life go off the rails and here he is at the working at the cemetery, all right. And number two they're kids, All right. This is a 15-year-old guy. Like he's already had to deal with a lot of bullying, for sure, the poor guy.
Speaker 2:That's why you're bullying him more. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I just want to. I'm piling on, I'm trying to strengthen, I'm like the dad, I'm just trying to strengthen his character.
Speaker 2:All right. Did they bully you in high school, Tony, or in junior high?
Speaker 1:Well, no, yes, obviously for sure. But the thing is, here's how you fight that dad. If you're in on the joke, they lose interest.
Speaker 2:So is that how you funnied him up?
Speaker 1:interest. So is that how you got you funnied them up? Yeah, that's. That's how the majority of people in my situation get the self deprecating humor that they have. It's from you beat those people to the punch and making fun of yourself, and then they respect you and think you're funny.
Speaker 2:Like, like, like. Give me an example of this.
Speaker 1:Well, so, like on buses in middle school, right, people would make fun of you for taking up too much space on the seat, so then you'd have to make fun of yourself. So there would be days where I would like come and I'd sit on the edge of the seat where I'm hanging off a little bit and I'd be like man. I wish there was more room in these seats. And everybody thinks it's funny. You know they think it's. Oh, this guy's funny, he gets it, this guy gets it.
Speaker 2:And then they're all friends with you. Did you read the Reader's Digest? What?
Speaker 1:Reader's Digest. Do you know what the Reader's Digest is? I mean, I've heard of the Reader's Digest, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Oh, jesus, okay, so they have to. They're going to go to Nebraska by train. I think is the plan. Yeah, so they're going to take the train to Nebraska. So they need help, so they need fake IDs to buy tickets to the train.
Speaker 1:I didn't know that. Do you have to be 18 to buy a train ticket? I've never ridden on a train.
Speaker 2:You have to have an ID, I think, probably to buy a train ticket. Sure.
Speaker 1:Okay, so it's not the age thing, it's just they're using fake identities. Got it?
Speaker 2:I believe so, because they're in the system and the system leads everyone right to them.
Speaker 1:So they know to do that, but they don't know to make a call from their own freaking cell phones. Come on.
Speaker 2:I got nothing. So the black buddy shows up and he has three fake IDs from three different states. How?
Speaker 1:do they get a hold of him, Dan? How does he know where to meet?
Speaker 2:them. They call him on the phone.
Speaker 1:How do they call him on the phone if the bad guys have all the phones? I don't understand. I was so mad at this point.
Speaker 2:And that's my point. Well, yeah, I didn't think about the phones. That's really terrible, but I thought it would be because they sort of say they give him like a sort of thing where he says like a line about how he snuck I had to go out the back door so they didn't see me because there's a guy sitting somewhere so they're watching your house, but they're not.
Speaker 1:But you can just call them and tell them where you are or email them. More importantly, they're not, but you can just call them and tell them where you are or email them.
Speaker 2:More importantly, they're not watching the house very well.
Speaker 1:You know, because I have the back door.
Speaker 2:I'd had like drones up above, you know, and I have, like you know, 17 people, because they have enough guys to do anything.
Speaker 1:They have tons of guys, but all you need is one guy at the front, one guy at the back. He went out the back door.
Speaker 2:They only, they're only watching the front door so they get on the train and I guess he has the gun with him now because they're really worried about getting searched.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he got the gun from his dad's apartment, for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but he never pocketed it, they never showed him with the gun. They just sort of imply that he has the gun and so he's nervous about getting on the train for the gun mostly.
Speaker 1:But we're not sure. Can I just say that if I was that security guard, I 100% would have frisked him, because he was staring right at you nervously. He's like, oh my God, please don't pick me, please don't pick me, please don't pick me.
Speaker 2:Oh, he didn't pick me. What a great day. So we get on the train and, um, we start to sort of litigate their original relationship, which something? Happened in summer, and then they made out of, they made out, and then he sort of rejected her and then boom they're doing it.
Speaker 1:Hold on. His line was because they hooked up in the summer and it's just like when we got back to school. Why didn't you ask me out? And he's like I don't know, I just thought summer was summer. Yeah, I wrote that down. What? What does that even mean?
Speaker 2:I don't know. Well, he explains it later. What was going on with him? That he was like emotionally not ready or something. I wasn't ready. He says later nothing or something. Oh no, that's the exact line. Got it, got it, got it, that's the one. And so then we have the big makeout scene and tony's gonna talk about the makeout scene and do his whole tony make out, it's actually gonna be very short.
Speaker 1:Passes the test. I'll tell you that right now. I was into it. I was like Taylor look at those lips, dude, good for you.
Speaker 2:This kid knows how to kiss, that girl knows how to kiss. These are two professionals.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is the first time we've watched one of these movies where I was like, cool, good for you guys, I'm into it.
Speaker 2:They got it on big time and they were going to have major sex. I mean this was going.
Speaker 1:I mean, dad, tony probably is like no condom, no sex or something. We did make that joke. We're like I hope that he brought one. Always be prepared. He brought a gun. He better have brought a condom If he was forcing her to come along.
Speaker 2:Oh. And so he says she's like, says something. And he says I know what I'm doing now.
Speaker 1:Oh, because when they were kissing she was like, oh, that's an improvement or something.
Speaker 2:Oh, I know what I'm doing. It was awkward.
Speaker 1:It was middle school lady. Okay, she Obviously he was awkward. It was middle school lady.
Speaker 2:Okay, Sheesh. It also makes us wonder who are these other girls that he learned all these moves with?
Speaker 1:It could have been his hand. That's where I learned, dan, you never did that you make. You make the face with your hand when you when you kiss it. You never did that. Was that not around when you were a kid?
Speaker 2:You. You sat in your room and made out with your hand.
Speaker 1:You make it. When you say it like that, it sounds creepy, but I was perfecting my craft and I got to tell you, if I ever get a movie where I get to kiss, there's going to be a podcast, just like this, and those guys are going to be like, damn, he did it, he knows what he's doing, just like Taylor Lautner.
Speaker 2:So, right in the middle of all this, she's like it is hot and heavy. She says we should get some food.
Speaker 1:She just like shuts it down. She shuts it down cold and you know what Kudos to him for being like cool, because there could have been a weird moment, but they played it very good. I don't know why she cut it off.
Speaker 2:You mean his rage issues didn't cut in Right because he doesn't have rage issues, Dan that was a lie. So oh, the bad guy's on the train, we know that. So the bad guy grabs the girl and then like really brutally beats her up, like yeah, it was really brutal, pretty bad.
Speaker 1:And what's so? What's interesting is she. There's like there's like no blood in this movie. I don't know if you noticed that, but nobody really bleeds. But she probably PG, sure, but she bruised. But she's the only person in the movie who bruises. It was very weird to me, because Taylor Lautner gets hit in the face. A bunch never bruises. In this train scene that we're about to talk about, he gets his head smashed into a window, cracks the window. Beautiful face, nothing wrong, pristine, beautiful face. I was like what that's weird.
Speaker 2:That's where the money is. Why bruise the girl? The girl's face is not the money, his face is the money I guess, just felt weird. So he just kicked. I think he kicks her on the ground one time.
Speaker 1:Oh, for sure yeah.
Speaker 2:It's really just like kind of like in no Holds Barred, they like adding, like this, extra level of brutality on the women, just to show you that these are bad guys, these are the bad people. It made me uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh for sure, I usually don't get uncomfortable in movies, but it it sort of felt personal in like a weird way to me again is that it it felt so much more real and brutal than any of the other fight scenes in the entire movie. Yeah, everything else is quick cuts and you don't really see a lot of connection and the hitting, but this was like visceral and it just felt out of place.
Speaker 2:And it felt out of place because she's kind of undeserving of all this.
Speaker 1:She's just sort of tagging along. She's an innocent bystander.
Speaker 2:And usually those kind of characters you put in jeopardy and you threaten jeopardy on them.
Speaker 1:But you don't actually.
Speaker 2:Yes, and then he. You know, you can like Taylor Lautner's character, you can like Taylor Lautner's character, you can chain up and, you know, hit with the electro probes because he deserves it.
Speaker 1:Right, because he'd be fine, because nothing, nothing hurts him.
Speaker 2:He's fine. And then then he, then some left and right, and then they end up fighting in his cabin.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, weird, weird chase or misconnections scene.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this, this fight was kind of boring to me.
Speaker 1:Were the other fights exciting to you.
Speaker 2:I liked Maria Bello's fight. I liked it. Okay, you're right, you're right, you're right, the mom.
Speaker 1:the mom fought, but the dad part of it was terrible.
Speaker 2:It was not that good. Yeah, Her fight, her fight was was a real fight where where they they actually exploit. I wish they'd have exploited more where it was like two on one in that fight. Where you're just like it's two on one, she's going to loot, you know you.
Speaker 1:As good as she is, she's not going to be able to overcome it.
Speaker 2:And they didn't really play on that at all. So they fight, he beats him and then probably my favorite part of the movie except Probably my favorite part of the movie except for there's a bomb in the oven. He throws the bad guy out the window of the train.
Speaker 1:Well, first of all, which?
Speaker 2:is like really. I mean, which is going to kill him for sure, which is him?
Speaker 1:murdering that guy? Yeah, yeah, he's dead. He never stood a chance. All right, he's got rage issues, Dan. What are you going to do? But how strong are train windows do you think?
Speaker 2:Oh, but how strong are trained windows, do you think? Oh, you're not getting through them, right, I would think you're not ever getting through them.
Speaker 1:First, of all, the guy smashing his head and cracking the entire window. He's definitely hurt, that'll mess you up legitimately. But then he karate, kicks the window out. Oh, did he karate kick the karate kick that's how he opened the window, he just kicks it. I the whole that whole thing was really dumb to me so so they.
Speaker 2:How did they stop the train?
Speaker 1:the train stops for some reason because a goddamn body just fell out of the side window no, I think they pull the stop and then sneak off.
Speaker 2:You think they?
Speaker 1:pulled the stop oh, I just imagined that somebody in one of the hundred cars behind them was like was that a body that fell out? Better, stop the train and check on this person that fell out of a moving train so they, they sneak out and um and they're like running away.
Speaker 2:And then Alfred Molina's character is like on them instantaneously, so fast.
Speaker 1:So so fast.
Speaker 2:And they're immediately ready to turn around and bolt back into the woods.
Speaker 1:And then he gives them a whole song and dance about why they should stop. Somehow one of the guys got ahead of them in the woods. Did you notice that? How did that happen? Got ahead of them in the woods Did you notice that? How did that happen? Did they set a trap in the woods, knowing he'd run to that specific point and then converge? So weird to me.
Speaker 2:It was so bad. Yeah, I wrap up the whole movie in like this much space.
Speaker 1:Oh good, I've got lots to say, don't worry.
Speaker 2:I know. So then they go to a diner and and then they, the girl, the little girls off, getting the other agents off, tending to her bruises, tend to your bruises, because they're only one person. Bruises in this entire movie and what you're going to do to somebody you know it's not like, it's not like they put me. She was cut and it's what's the agent going to do about you?
Speaker 1:they were putting makeup on it, so no one would know.
Speaker 2:Because it was both women, they were doing makeup. Because that's what women do they do makeup. Jesus Christ, jesus, tony, you're terrible.
Speaker 1:You give me a better explanation for what he was doing to bruises?
Speaker 2:So then Alfred Molina's character is like oh, we're looking.
Speaker 1:I think this is where we lay out the whole plot yeah, yeah, as he's eating his delicious, he makes that sound several times. I don't know why it's in there.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry. So the plot is this the evil Russians have been looking for Taylor Lautner's characters because he's the son of the super spy and somehow, just in the last week, the super spy has gotten this super spy information, which is a coded thing on the phone which somehow Nathan magically now has. And they want this thing. I don't. Somehow, everybody then figures out that Nathan actually has it, I think, or he tells them, or something I don't even know. Well, I don't think. Do they know yet? Yeah, because he finds out in the course of this conversation or something. So basically, they want to take Nathan and then use him as a bargaining chip to get this information back. But somehow Taylor Lautner knows that Alfred Molina's character's name is on this list.
Speaker 1:Best, guess ever. I mean, this kid is smart. Wow, he called that bluff from a mile away Unbelievable.
Speaker 2:And so there's like six or seven agents outside the building protecting standing around in the street with guns.
Speaker 1:They are fully armed Just in the surrounding area. They're on rooftops. This is a scary place to be right now.
Speaker 2:And now, somehow, the bad guys are also here and have somehow taken up even better positions. Well, that's my thing.
Speaker 1:These people are on the roofs. You had time to set up, pick good vantage points. What are you doing? You're a terrible team.
Speaker 2:No, but you see, they're not a terrible team. The other team is just even that much more magical.
Speaker 1:No, they were a terrible team. This guy, one of the cuts, was these two bad guys creeping up over the edge, looking down and seeing a guy on the roof below, and then they just slowly walk back like there's a guy there.
Speaker 2:what so? The bad guys kill everybody, kill all the ostensible good guys, and then start repelling down the walls in this one, this one sort of throwaway scene, and then they start blasting the hell out of the diner, the diner.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I mean they're just ripping it up, but this is my favorite part of the movie Dan.
Speaker 2:I don't even remember. You know, Tony, I have no idea how they resolved all the bad guys outside and like the good guys inside and the good guys get away somehow everybody's dying right, good, great.
Speaker 1:they rain hellfire on the diner. Alfred melina and his I think his lady cop, both dive, hit the floor and they're like nathan run. So nathan and the girl get away. I think most of the other people are dead, except for Alfred and the girl, and this is the greatest part of the movie. As the bad guys are entering, alfred Molina gives a little nod to his lady and then they play dead. They play possum, dan, and then they wake up and shoot the bad guys and there was no communication. So this to me, this is telling me that playing possum is part of your FBI slash, cia training, like if you're ever in a situation where people are coming into a building that just shot up, play dead, they'll never guess you're really alive.
Speaker 2:Bang yeah.
Speaker 1:That was amazing. It was. I've never seen that in a movie movie?
Speaker 2:I don't think. And uh, kudos to them, kudos. So once again, his, his, his buddy has come through. He meets up with the buddy, the buddy's like stolen the neighbors gilly.
Speaker 1:It just, I just remembered. And how does he get to these places?
Speaker 2:he's he's, he stole the neighbors. He stole the neighbor's car, he took the neighbor's car.
Speaker 1:I don't mean physically, dan. He says that. How does he know where to meet these people who are on the run? How do they keep communicating? Gilly is the magic man. He has a PSP connection to Nathan and really they should be together. I think that's the end of the movie.
Speaker 2:Oh, that would be sweet. So he shows up and he's got them tickets, and then he has, because of course the game is happening. He says I've set up everything, or something like that.
Speaker 1:Like what. What did you set up guy?
Speaker 2:Well, we're going to find that out. Yes, we are in the in the, the big finale. So they're at the baseball game and this is the point at which he cuts loose the girl.
Speaker 1:He's like girl, just go do whatever you've been along with all this definitely involved now, because everyone has seen her at this point.
Speaker 2:Now let her go, you idiot now it's safe for you to not be around me. So he goes in there and, like, all the bad guys go in there, or not only one of the bad guys go in there, because he leaves like the tick, leaves a ticket stuck to the shoe yeah, to the shoe of the of the statue, which is great.
Speaker 1:But here's my problem with this scene. The young lady is is taking pictures of this happening so that he knows that they're there on her flip phone from like 30 yards away. That flip phone has like a 20x zoom on it. There's no way that that is right. That phone is magical man. I've taken a lot of pictures with flip phones and if you're any further than five feet away you can't tell what's happening. You can't see nothing. Those pixels are huge.
Speaker 2:So they're in, he's in there, the bad guy's in there. They come at the seats, they sit down next to each other and then the dude tells Nathan that he killed his mom and we see that under the seat is a gun. So he has gotten his friend, his black friend, to go hours early and tape a gun under a seat to wait for him to show up. What is the?
Speaker 1:problem with all of this Just one Is that what I'm supposed?
Speaker 2:to think there's just one problem with this. What's the main problem with this? It turns. I'm supposed to think there's just one. What's the main problem with this?
Speaker 1:I, it turns out. I don't think there is a problem with this damn, because I have concluded just in the the span of this podcast is that that gilly's dad owns the stadium, that must be what it is he literally owns, owns the stadium, and so it was fine. It was totally fine.
Speaker 2:Hey Dad, I'm going to go plant a gun in your stadium.
Speaker 1:For all I know, the dad did it. He was like you know what? I'll take care of it, don't worry, bud, you're my best friend.
Speaker 2:Okay, Tony, talk to me about seats at baseball stadiums.
Speaker 1:The plastic seat that flips up so you'd be able to see the gun at all times. What about it, Dan? What do you want to know?
Speaker 2:So the people that are sitting two seats down because there's somebody right next to them, right For hours, right Because the game's well, the place is full, pretty much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. They would probably just be like oh, it's one of those seats that's a special prize that you win in between innings. They'll be like seat number 47, look underneath Gun.
Speaker 2:So of course Nathan's sitting there. He pulls out the gun. He's thinking about rage, shooting this guy because he killed his parents, or his mom or his real mom or his not real mom.
Speaker 1:He's not sure who he's raging about. Well, he's not raging. He puts it back. This idiot, in the middle of being told that this guy's a bad guy and kills everybody, is like you know what I want to hear more safely? And puts the gun back. I mean, just shoot him, guy. You know he's the bad guy. Why don't you shoot him? What is the purpose of taking the gun out and putting it back in?
Speaker 2:So somehow then Nathan stands up and the bad guy retrieves the gun. Surprise, surprise. Now the bad guy has a gun in the stadium. Surprise, surprise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so thenathan runs away and there's a bunch of running away. Just a very first of all, I just want to say that, uh, from my understanding is that taylor lautner uh does martial arts and has like some skills which I don't have any stunts.
Speaker 2:He did some of the stunts that's what I like. The sliding down the glass. He did that. I watched cool great.
Speaker 1:I want more of that I feel like they really wasted this opportunity because, yes, he's not a good actor, but there's a lot of action stars that are terrible actors but they get away with it because they do cool, cool things in their movies. I don't feel like we utilize that at all because Because he does some cool parkour in this runaway scene.
Speaker 2:I was like where was?
Speaker 1:that for the rest of the movie. Put that in there somewhere.
Speaker 2:Well, that's I mean, and that's the whole thing is they wanted to have a love story. You know, they wanted to have everything. They wanted him making out with a girl so that girls watching this could think that that's them.
Speaker 2:Or if Tony's watching this he could think that he's making out with taylor lautner, thank you. So they run around and his dad calls him on the phone and is like get him, I'm here, son, which I kind of like that line. Um, he's like get him out to the left parking lot and then I'll take care of things.
Speaker 1:I don't understand why they refuse to show the dad. He has one of the most recognizable voices in Hollywood. Immediately I was like I know that guy and then they never show his face.
Speaker 2:I didn't know it was him until I saw the bottom of his jaw his chin.
Speaker 1:I was like oh, that's who it is.
Speaker 2:But I, I was like, I know that voice, I know that voice, yeah you and it's super distracting.
Speaker 1:I would have rather they just showed and I was like, oh, okay, cool, I know that guy. But instead it's like this mystery. And then I spent half the movie being like, okay, oh no, I know who it is, I know who. It is a terrible decision.
Speaker 2:The whole thing is, this guy's been trying to get this information which is on this phone, this whole movie, and we're finally out there in the parking lot. He's pointing a gun at him and he says stop or I'll kill you, or something.
Speaker 1:After the straight line sprinting, the chase scene starts, cool, with parkour and then goes into the parking lot where they're just both running in a straight line. Why are you running in a straight line if a guy's got a gun on you?
Speaker 2:zigzag, at least give me something so he stops and you're like how does this guy ever? You know there's all these cia guys everywhere how does he think he's going to get away with this magic list? No idea they will go through anything to just like it it's. You have to take this list and use it somehow. You're not, it's. It's encrypted, so you can't just like go, I've got the list, I'm done.
Speaker 1:That's why doesn't he just kill taylor lautner here? He's already basically surrounded by the guys, all he needs. He should just get the list at this point. Why does he keep the kid alive?
Speaker 2:and so what is, what's his big line?
Speaker 1:that he says oh no, I don't know what's his big line you're not as good as your father of course it's not. He's not a trained spy.
Speaker 2:And so what should Taylor Lautner have said at that point?
Speaker 1:Yes, I am.
Speaker 2:He should have said you're not as good as my father. And the father guns him down because the father is the hero.
Speaker 1:Why does the father take four minutes to gun this guy down. There's a whole standoff where he's pointing the gun at his kid and he's just like looking through the scope and like okay, I got him, don't pull the trigger.
Speaker 2:Don't pull the trigger. He's adjusting it for wind. He's holding the finger up.
Speaker 1:Okay, Okay, all right.
Speaker 2:He's got a haze Okay, finger up, okay, okay, all right. He's got a haze, okay Haze.
Speaker 1:Look, I've seen American Sniper. All right, you can get that off quicker.
Speaker 2:So who was the dad?
Speaker 1:I don't remember his name, but isn't he? He's the guy. He's the guy with the long face, and he's from that wedding movie.
Speaker 2:You just said he's got one of the most recognizable voices, but you don't know who he is.
Speaker 1:He's got a recognizable voice, but not a name.
Speaker 2:Okay, is he Dylan McDermott or Dermot Moroney? The second one, dylan McDermott, dermot Moroney. He's the second one. Which one? Dylan McDermott, dermot Moroney, moroney, you're correct.
Speaker 1:Yeah, See I know.
Speaker 2:So then Sigourney Weaver shows up, because of course everyone shows up. Yeah, I wrote piece of wood, because through all this he's Taylor Lautner's piece of wood.
Speaker 1:I don't understand piece of wood, taylor Lautner's piece of wood?
Speaker 2:I don't understand piece of wood and then they go out into the stadium. They get to spend time in the empty stadium. Hold on Before we get there.
Speaker 1:We have to talk one last time about the parents in this movie. So Sojourny Weaver decides that she's just going to be his Sojourny Weaver, that she's just going to be his. I just Sojourney Weaver, Fine.
Speaker 2:Sojourney. What did you say?
Speaker 1:I put a J in it instead. It's Sojourney Weaver, so she decides to be his parent for no reason.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, she does.
Speaker 1:But her first act as a parent is to let him go off with this lady to have alone time. It's like no.
Speaker 2:Are you going?
Speaker 1:to have kids.
Speaker 2:I'm going to have kids, but guess what?
Speaker 1:They're not going to have kids until they're old enough to have kids.
Speaker 2:I'm going to be like the uncle that brings over the bottle of scotch for your nine-year-old you are not allowed in my house, Dan. He's going to have a little bucket that he puts out the window. I mean scotch and pornography, all the things that he needs.
Speaker 1:All the things that growing boy needs.
Speaker 2:So basically we find out that the problem in eighth grade is that he wasn't ready. And then he says something about pretty exciting for a first date. Ha ha, ha, ha, ha ha. So bad wasn't ready. And then he says something about pretty exciting for a first date, uh, so bad.
Speaker 1:But again this obviously Gilly has to own the entire stadium because they're alone in the stadium, which is not allowed.
Speaker 2:It's very frustrating. That's abduction, tony, who in this movie was abducted.
Speaker 1:All of the kids from the milk cartons that we make fun of. Those are the only kids that are abducted in this movie we make fun of. No, no, no, sorry, we as in the movie. The movie made fun of the only people that were actually abducted.
Speaker 2:No one in this movie was abducted.
Speaker 1:Wrong the kids on the milk cartons. Some of them I mean not all of them for sure, who knows but some of them were definitely abducted.
Speaker 2:How do you know that they're?
Speaker 1:probably all deep fakes. You think every single one of them is a CIA or FBI agent's kid. This is a great conspiracy. I'm into that. I'm into it. You're right, nobody was abducted. I have no idea why it's called abduction, not even a little bit. The only person that might have been abducted is the love interest. She's the only person that might have been abducted by Nathan.
Speaker 2:And that's another whole story. You can do seven days of the condor where he he abducts a fade Dunaway's character and uses her. You know what I'm talking about, Don't you tell?
Speaker 1:me, I do, I do, actually, I know this reference. I think that's a set of captain America line. I understood that reference.
Speaker 2:Who's this? Who's the star of seven Days of the Condor?
Speaker 1:I don't remember anyone's name, Dan. I'm going to Google it right now. How about that? That's stupid.
Speaker 2:Any final thoughts about abductions?
Speaker 1:I've said it before and I'll say it again what a waste of a beautiful specimen that is taylor lautner. He, even though he's not very good, I still think he deserves better and it's a good shirt. I I think that they should have given him another chance. I I feel bad that this was kind of his one and done because he wasn't given much to work with.
Speaker 2:I think he's a TV star. That's what I think. I think he should go and be in TV. He's not a movie star. Sure, this is not a guy that's going to carry a movie.
Speaker 1:As long as he gets to be topless in whatever he does, I'm fine with it.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, we're going to abduct ourselves from abduction because, god, what a pile.
Speaker 1:It wasn't a bad movie.
Speaker 2:It was just like.
Speaker 1:It just wasn't good.
Speaker 2:It was a movie, it was a cookie-cutter movie. At the 30-minute mark was where his parents are getting killed, and there's 15 minutes at the end, although at the end there was like seven or eight minutes after the bad guy was killed. Yes, you're just like wow, what are we going to do at this time, can we?
Speaker 1:just wrap it up. Please Roll the credits.
Speaker 2:So this is the part of the show where we talk about something we like that we've seen this week. I haven't seen anything I really like this week, so I'm going to pick something a little bit different. I'm going to pick a video game. It's kind of a video game, it's it's kind of a video game.
Speaker 1:It's an online game. It's called. Fall Guys have you seen this game? I love Fall Guys unbelievable. They gave it away on PlayStation Plus for free and it is so much fun.
Speaker 2:I haven't played it yet, but I've watched people on Twitch playing it and you're this little character and you're just trying to avoid either getting thrown off a bridge or knock down a hole, or it's just really cute and really fun and just like just this nice palette cleansing thing in this world, and that's that's what we need Sometimes a little little cleansing of the old palette.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially now.
Speaker 2:What do you got for us, Tony?
Speaker 1:I'm going a little bit different. I'm going a little more emotionally. My pick for this week is a little documentary called you Cannot Kill David Arquette. Came out, I think, last week and it's about David Arquette's return to wrestling. Don't shake your head. It's emotional, it's kind of sad. I mean, it's actually really sad because it's really a look into David Arquette's emotional place in his world, like his acting career has kind of dwindled.
Speaker 2:Is he kind of an unstable guy? Oh?
Speaker 1:for sure, for sure he's I mean not in like a dangerous way, but unstable, as in. I think there's some depression there. You know, his life kind of took a dive after I mean the way that the movie depicts it as after his debut in WWE, where he won the belt. I think it might have been WWE after the 10th. Wait, who are we talking about?
Speaker 2:Are we talking about David Arquette the actor? It's David Arquette the actor.
Speaker 1:From Scream. That's what everyone remembers him from, but he did a lot of great stuff before that.
Speaker 2:He's in one of my favorite movies, hamlet 2. Oh, that is good. That is amongst. That's like one of my top ten movies.
Speaker 1:The guy can legit act have you seen my Own Private Idaho.
Speaker 2:Was he in that? He was in that.
Speaker 1:I don't remember him in that it's him and River Phoenix and it's one of his earlier roles. But it's a tough movie to watch but it's good he can act. And then in the early 2000s he did a movie called something about rumble. He did a wrestling movie. We'll probably do that movie at some point now that I'm on a david arquette kick. It wasn't very good, but to promote the movie he went and did some some wrestling. And how big is he? He's very small.
Speaker 2:Okay, he's, he's not a big guy but you keep saying wrestling, and I picture picture this little guy.
Speaker 1:I'm like what the hell? But that's the thing is, they thought it would be a great gimmick to let him win the belt, oh, okay, and when that happened, his career went off the rails because everyone hated him. Everyone, like the wrestling world, hated him. They were really mad. Hollywood stopped taking him seriously because he was doing this ridiculous wrestling thing and his basically his career kind of started to unravel there and was taken less seriously. And so he's he's in mid-40s now and he feels like he's a joke and he's kind of depressed on where his life is, and so his answer to that is to return to wrestling. And so there's it's a doc about that and it's it's an interesting look at, you know, kind of like the psyche of an actor who maybe isn't where he wants to be and kind of self-redemption, more than anything. It's, it's beautiful, it's, it's it's worth a watch. I liked it. And where'd you watch it? At? It's, uh, it's. It came out on uh home digital week, so I watch it on.
Speaker 2:What's that it's digital movies, so it's not on any free platform, but you can buy it, so you can rent it for $4 a frame. Yeah, you can rent it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would assume Amazon Prime. You can rent it Prime. I bought it on Vudu because I'm a huge David Arquette fan.
Speaker 2:Anyhow, and is there any positive resolve at the end of the movie?
Speaker 1:It ends kind of hopeful, slash, inspirational, but there's no. It leaves it obviously open because he's not on a comeback. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:But he has enough money to live the rest of his life right.
Speaker 1:Oh for sure. Yeah, it's not like he's hurting in that way, financially or anything, it's just inner turmoil that he's trying to wrestle with Ha-ha, wrestle with.
Speaker 2:That's one thing that we didn't talk about at Hulk Hogan, we didn't talk about at this. We should just talk about this for one second. Since I didn't pick a movie, let's talk about another movie for just a second the Wrestler Ugh, one of the greatest movies of all time. Yeah, yeah, heartbreaking, depressing when he, when he sets up at that show, you know, like selling his merchandise at the card table, yeah, that was one of the realest things I've ever seen in a movie, because it's so true and so heartbreaking it, it's, yeah, it's wild.
Speaker 2:So starting next week.
Speaker 1:Halloween. What Is that? One of the ones that glows in the dark? October, it's Halloween. It's Halloween.
Speaker 2:It's Halloween time, so we're going to do Halloween movies for the next four weeks. These are going to be creepy, spooky, terrible, terrible movies.
Speaker 1:Definitely that they may not make Creep or Spooky, but they'll try.
Speaker 2:So I have gone with a movie that I've seen part of and is just keep petting yourself with the hand one, ah, ah, not up the nose. Um, I'm going with one of the worst movies ever made, one of those equivocal worst movies ever made, and I've watched part of this movie and it is incomprehensible and just weird. This is no Hollywood big. This is low-rent, true garbage 1991. Okay, you know it, you love it. Troll 2. Troll 2.
Speaker 1:A classic which I've never seen. No, I never a classic which I've never seen.
Speaker 2:No, I never, never seen it. Okay, never saw it. I've seen part of it. It's terrible. So next week we'll have watch troll 2, which is available on Amazon Prime for rental. Great, yeah, any other last words for the spooktacular October that we're going to be starting.
Speaker 1:I am ready. It is my favorite season of the year and my family it's. The biggest holiday that we celebrate is Halloween.
Speaker 2:Are you going home for Halloween?
Speaker 1:halloween tony no, dan, I'm not because of the world, but yeah, every other year I have, man.
Speaker 2:You haven't seen your family in a long time have you? Yeah, it's the longest I've ever gone without seeing them yeah, tony, tony used, his family used to fly out here all the time and they'd have family vacations and things, and few times a year, and so it's been harsh. Yeah, obviously it could be worse Way to bring the show down, tony.
Speaker 1:You brought it down, if anything. I was like Halloween I'm so excited. And then you brought up my family.
Speaker 2:Well, someday you'll have a family of your own and you will traumatize those children horribly. And Dan Goodsell will be there with the booze.
Speaker 1:Here's the booze, little boy thank god for you, dan thank god for you well, this has been hate watching with dan and tony.
Speaker 2:I'm dan and that's tony, and we'll see you next week bye, everybody, we love you.