Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching The Phantom: The Real Purple Dinosaur
Remember the 90s, when superhero movies were still figuring out what they wanted to be? Before the sleek, unified vision of X-Men or the cultural juggernaut of the MCU, there was "The Phantom" (1996) – a fascinating relic that demonstrates exactly why superhero cinema needed a complete overhaul.
In our latest episode, we venture deep into the jungle of Bengala with Billy Zane's purple-spandexed hero as he pursues magical skulls, fights pirates, and somehow manages to keep a straight face while doing it all. The Phantom originated in comic strips back in 1936 – predating Superman and Batman – as the first true costumed hero. But what works on the newspaper page doesn't always translate to the big screen, and this film struggles mightily with that translation.
Treat Williams steals every scene as villain Xander Drax, delivering deliciously campy line readings and creative murder methods (microscope eye-stabbing, anyone?) that suggest he understood exactly what kind of movie this should have been. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast – including a young Catherine Zeta-Jones – seems trapped in a more serious adventure that never quite takes flight. We analyze the film's curious place in superhero movie evolution, sitting awkwardly between the camp of Batman Forever and the more grounded approach that would soon revolutionize the genre.
The Phantom provides an unintentionally hilarious time capsule of mid-90s filmmaking choices, from its Indiana Jones aspirations to its baffling mythology involving skull lasers and a wolf that can apparently communicate with horses. What went wrong? What occasional moments work? And why can't we stop talking about that purple costume? Listen as we unpack this bizarre superhero curiosity that reminds us how far the genre has come.
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What do you put? Ketchup?
Speaker 2:on, tony. What don't you put ketchup on? You know? Hot dogs, burgers, french fries, pickles, chicken nuggets you know whatever you want.
Speaker 1:Hold on a second. Yeah, do you actually pull out a pickle, put ketchup on it and eat that?
Speaker 2:That's not the direction you would go. So you have ketchup in a bowl and then you dip your pickles in it. Yeah, absolutely. This started in high school because we used to do chicken patty day. So chicken patty you dunk in the ketchup, and then the pickles. You grab a handful of pickles, just dip them right in that ketchup. Oh, the salt on that already salty pickle. I mean it's heaven. They go together so perfectly.
Speaker 1:Now would you eat a pickle that had?
Speaker 2:a pretzel center? I don't know those textures would be weird, don't you think I'm?
Speaker 1:asking you Well, I'm trying to think. I don't dip my pickles in ketchup, so there you go.
Speaker 2:First of all, you should try it One time. Just give a little dippy dip, because would your pretzel get all soggy? Because of the pickle juice, because then it's like a soft bread. And then I think the answer is yes. You know what I mean, because that sounds pretty good.
Speaker 1:So that's what you want. You want a no, you know what you want you, so that's what you want.
Speaker 2:You want to. No, you know what you want. You want a soft pretzel with a pickle center. Oh yeah, the reverse would be pretty good. Yeah, that would be nice. Also really cool to make if you somehow rope that pickle around. I'd be very impressed with that. Hey watching with Dan and Tony. Hey, watching with Dan and Tony.
Speaker 1:It's like watching. Yeah, welcome to hey Watching with Dan and Tony. It's like watching. Yeah, welcome to hey Watching with Dan and Tony. I'm Dan, I'm Tony. On this show we watch a movie this week I picked. The movie I picked was 1996, the Phantom an hour and 40 minutes starring Billy Zane.
Speaker 2:Is that?
Speaker 1:like Christy Swanson, who was the girl.
Speaker 2:Yeah, buffy, the Vampire Slayer, the OG.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I did not recognize her at all.
Speaker 2:Or Carlton Lasseter's wife in Psych, if you want to go forward in time, just like people always say Patrick McGowan, and what's his name?
Speaker 1:Treat.
Speaker 2:Williams Treat.
Speaker 1:Williams, yeah, the only one. Well, catherine Zeta-Jones, treat Williams. Catherine Zeta-Jones, the only one's really trying.
Speaker 2:I mean Treat's given. Billy might be trying.
Speaker 1:Billy's trying something.
Speaker 2:He's trying something. He's not succeeding on any level, but he's probably trying. But yet, treat not to you trying. But yeah, treat not to pun intended. Treat was a treat. He was in the movie you wanted to see he brought that camp and nobody else brought any sort of camp whatsoever. That's true Also, I didn't realize she was in it until she appeared and I was like wait a second I know that person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was like who is this? Very attractive woman.
Speaker 2:They were like oh okay, oh yes, of course. Now I remember.
Speaker 1:Great.
Speaker 2:Great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the Phantom. I looked it up and the X-Men movie came out four years later.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:And that's when I think the real contemporary superhero movies sure.
Speaker 2:When did spider-man come out then? Was that after x-men?
Speaker 1:I should, we should have a timeline of that's true it'd be interesting to see when that first I mean by first we mean the first sam raimi spider-man yeah, in my mind the first the og uh okay, 2002 oh, so, yeah, I think, the x-men movie, because the x-men movie did something that this movie didn't do, which was put them in costumes that didn't make it embarrassing, I mean I don't want to be mean, yeah, but that is the dumbest looking I if I went to work.
Speaker 2:I'm Billy Zane, right, I show up to work and I'm in this purple leotard, I'm, I'm quitting, I'm walking off the movie man that this poor guy.
Speaker 1:And I remember seeing that first X-Men movie and kind of like going like, but the costumes are all kind of the same. They were not all the same but they were, you know, all kind of leather.
Speaker 2:They were like uniforming yeah.
Speaker 1:There was a uniformness to them. Each one was different for each character, of course, and you kind of like I won't say I bristled against it, I was like I don't know.
Speaker 2:But looking back, a lot of people felt that way though. But yeah, exactly because they're like, well, these aren't comic book accurate, like where are my superheroes? But at the time, this was the right decision, because it doesn't look stupid. You may not love it, it's not like iconic. I don't look, look back on that and be like, wow, those were great, but they're serviceable and they don't detract from the movie at all, and and then the movie was good, so it all worked out really, really well for X-Men.
Speaker 1:It's a very good choice that this movie did not make.
Speaker 2:I mean, but also good for them for going for it. Oh sure they were like if we're going to do it, let's do it. And it didn't work out. Sometimes that happens.
Speaker 2:If we're going to fail, fail, let's make a purple, purple leotard but then put a bunch of lines on it yeah, which is, and they're not like you know, the old, like superman ones where they accentuate muscles and like batman had the you know he had a big plastic nipples, plastic nipples on clooney, but like he's got the plastic abs you know, like. But that's not what we were doing here. No, they're just. I don't even know what they are. They don't accentuate anything. Are they just like sew lines that we didn't feel like hiding?
Speaker 1:They're just well. Jim Henson Creature Shop made the costume.
Speaker 2:Oh man, oh, we're making fun of Jim. Wow, shame on us.
Speaker 1:So somebody had some sort of concept and it got carried through and it just your eyes never look at it and go like that was a good choice. Your eyes are always like well, that's a choice they made.
Speaker 2:That's something we have to live with it. I would have loved to. I would love to see the meeting where they pulled that suit out, because there's a great you don't? You didn't watch entourage, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, watch the whole. Thing.
Speaker 2:My one of my favorite things is when they wheel out the Aquaman suit, I don't remember, and it's like shimmery and awful and they're like it's going to look better on screen and it's like no, it's not, don't do it. And I just I feel like there had to have been a conversation where they're like okay, it looks a little silly on the mannequin Billy, but trust us, it's going to look great on celluloid.
Speaker 1:I mean, amazingly, he played the suit.
Speaker 2:well, he never acted self-conscious about being in the suit.
Speaker 1:He was just like.
Speaker 2:No, he was just like a regular dude, to be honest with you. He was just like, yeah, he was just like a regular dude, to be honest with you. He was just like, yeah, this is what I wear. Oh, this is fine I don't know, let's go out.
Speaker 1:It makes perfect sense, I mean, and that's the whole thing you know with movies you know, a more contemporary movie is you have to make sense of it somewhere, that's you know it's like if you're going to put something so crazily anachronistic because that's the thing is this this movie is is what? What year did indiana jones come out? This is 96. Indiana jones must have came out uh, we're talking the first one the first one, I think.
Speaker 2:Uh, I'm gonna look it up.
Speaker 1:84 84, so it's 12 years later, but this movie, you know they, they steal a number of very specific things directly from it, for sure and indiana jones smartly wore a wore a dirty hat in a very sexy, open tan like.
Speaker 2:It's a very plain looking outfit, but but it's rugged. It makes him a man.
Speaker 1:It's iconic and people will cosplay as that. You always want to sort of see what do people cosplay as.
Speaker 2:I thought I had my Indiana Jones hat here. I think I have it at home. I have the hat, the shirt, the whip and the satchel, because I've done indie, fat indie, which is a little bit different but it's similar.
Speaker 1:You just get hit by the Giants rock ball.
Speaker 2:I don't get out of the way of anything Every movie track hits me. That's right Come on.
Speaker 1:So you know you kind of think to the cosplay world. You know you got to look at your thing and I mean I assume some people wear those, those 1990 or 2000 x-men costumes, but not a lot not a lot, but I think I think they would get a lot of pictures at a comic-con, you know being, because now it's like a classic thing.
Speaker 1:At the time it probably wasn't that cool, oh yeah, it's interesting to think about those things, but I I'm, I'm going back through my brain and wondering how, thinking about how many phantoms I've seen walking around not a lot hasn't been a lot not a lot of phantoms and danced on plenty of conventions everybody I'm going to tell you a little bit about the phantom started as an american comic strip in 1936. 36.
Speaker 2:Does that predate like main Superman?
Speaker 1:Yeah, he is the first real tighted character First.
Speaker 2:He's the first, but he was black and white then right Comic strip.
Speaker 1:purple is purple. They made a series, they made a serial black and white comics.
Speaker 2:Is that weird that I thought comics were black and white originally, just like television.
Speaker 1:Sunday comics were they went right into color Colored ink wasn't invented until 1994, everybody. Actually, you are correct, Tony. In 1936, it would have just been a weekly and it would have been in black and white, so when it went to color, I think it was in 38 or 39 after two years but still he became sure so he was. He was black and white and they, they chose when they made a color decision such an interesting choice to be like.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's because it was so vibrant that they were like well, now that we're going color like, let's make this guy pop I remember as a kid and a comic book person there was an ad in the DC Comics for like a thing that they would send you every week or something that would have Sunday comics in it, and the Phantom had a bunch of characters Tarzan and Flash Gordon and the. Phantom was one of the ones in there and you were always kind of like, ooh, who is this?
Speaker 2:Who's this guy? Look at him, fancy purple yeah.
Speaker 1:And then you find out he's just a guy that rides around on a horse in the jungle and has no powers and doesn't really do anything interesting.
Speaker 2:No powers, right. I mean the ring does something eventually, but that's the skull doing it technically and not him that's made up for the movie. That's the character oh that's not even like wow, okay, interesting, yeah, so he's just a dude that chose to wear purple and ride a horse.
Speaker 1:He's a horse guy, he's a gun guy. He's going to shoot you with his two guns. He's got two guns.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Just as a general concept. I don't like this hero. That's not interesting to me.
Speaker 1:But that's you know, he's pretty. So the only things before him are like the shadow and a couple other, you know the pulps were already going.
Speaker 2:Lone Ranger when was that sort of thing?
Speaker 1:Lone Ranger's 32, probably, I would say. So we got the Lone Ranger, you got the shadow, so the mask is established. But you know the true tights-s wearing guy who is wearing tights for hours. And well, the powers comes along with, like you know, Superman and Batman Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah, I don't know, it's just interesting because it's, it does it feels different to me than like the Lone Rangers it's. It's definitely the bridge between that sort of thing and superheroes right, an ultimately transitional character yeah, it's interesting and, as such, doesn't really he doesn't do anything he doesn't do it.
Speaker 1:He doesn't. The lone ranger we like, we know where he is we're interested in the old west, you know, or if you are just in the old west, you get it. You get what he does.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100 you know you get what superman does in the old West you get it.
Speaker 1:You get what he does. Yeah, a hundred percent. You know you get what Superman does People with heat rays and stuff like that. The phantom you're like he lives in a, an African jungle. Yeah, lives in. You know the first time he shows up in the movie in the cave, you're just like ah, what's he doing there? Why is this happening? You know, and all action has to be within. You know, a horse ride away.
Speaker 2:You're, like you know, super weird. But then also I'm confused, because at some point he just flies to New York City, yeah, which is like is he rich?
Speaker 1:Is he like?
Speaker 2:Batman level rich. Yeah, he went to college, but his dad was the Phantom, and then the Phantom before that was the grandpa, right, Like it's the lineage. So who's making money in this family? Where is the family wealth coming from?
Speaker 1:Bags of opals.
Speaker 2:The treasure.
Speaker 1:Remember, when he takes the cab he has just a bag of opals.
Speaker 2:The plastic gems yeah, I remember those quite well. That's a big scam.
Speaker 1:I mean they look, so bad. They look so bad. They're so fake.
Speaker 2:They look so fake. It's incredible. Oh man, I laughed a lot during this movie. This was a real treat. Thank you for picking this, Dan.
Speaker 1:It was a movie, you know. Does it cause you a pain? Does it cause you a lot of pain? No, but you know it's not good.
Speaker 2:So I had a question for you and I don't know. Did you do research on this at all? A little yeah, I read a very small thing and the whole time this movie was happening I just couldn't help wondering was this originally meant to be a satire?
Speaker 1:Yes, a little bit, Because it feels yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, because there's a lot of moments where I'm like, well, this, if you're writing a real movie, you wouldn't write that line. It's just not possible.
Speaker 1:Yes, no um joe dante, who did gremlins uh oh sure explorers he was. I think he was the director before they got this guy, which this guy was the Free Willy guy.
Speaker 2:Oh, boy Free Willy and did Lonesome Dove.
Speaker 1:And he did one other movie that we did. That was really bad.
Speaker 2:Oh interesting, he's an.
Speaker 1:Australian director? I don't know.
Speaker 2:You can look it up if you want.
Speaker 1:But yeah, he's definitely a workman director who got in there and took the notes and the notes were, you know, to not make it a, it wasn't necessarily a parody, but they were playing more on the because Treat Williams is in that movie, the campy movie yes, he is. But this one.
Speaker 2:But this one. It felt like in my mind everything else got rewritten except for the treat and Catherine. That little segment of the villains never got rewrote. But the other stuff was like play it a little straighter. We've got to be the straight and narrow on this.
Speaker 1:It kind of felt a little bit like Batman, the TV show back in the day, with know, with the pow wham oh, you mean the 66, the 66 show, yes, yeah, yeah, the 60s batman except for billy zane isn't playing that movie well, they also don't give him much to do as the phantom for sure, that's for sure like you're like dude, give him some lines that they that either push him in a direction Like oh well, I don't know.
Speaker 2:He's got one really great line which we'll talk about when we get there. But he has my favorite line of the movie that's delivered so underwhelmingly bad that it ruins the joke, but to me it was my favorite joke in the whole movie, oh, wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but to me it was my favorite joke in the whole movie. Oh, wow, yeah. So you know, if he was sort of you know he's like, if he needed to make a comment about, like, living in a cave in a jungle, you have to comment on that, Anybody needs to comment about that.
Speaker 2:When the lady what is her name? In the movie the blonde?
Speaker 1:Diana.
Speaker 2:How does she not say something? She's? She's like back at his house and they're just having a regular conversation. Why? Why is she not like? So you live in a cave. What is going on? Why are you wearing a purple jumpsuit? What's happening? Who are you?
Speaker 1:it's weird yeah, you just needed to comment on some of these things and then the other character comes back with a comment and then we can sit with it and we can be like well that. That's what happens, you know he's like it's the cave. It is what it is low rent, you know, or whatever. Whatever the joke is, should we start talking about this movie all?
Speaker 2:right, yeah, yeah, let's have it spend any time talking about the movies I'm trying to find the movie that we did, that this director did Boy. He did a lot of stuff. Good for him. He did a lot of stuff.
Speaker 1:I mean, he did Lonesome Dove, which I think they did for quite a while, and it's interesting that he did the Phantom, because the Phantom's pretty huge in Australia. Oh really, you'll see a lot of Australian people are. People are all like, oh yeah, the phantom as opposed to.
Speaker 2:He did harley davidson and the marble man which, yes, had some great stuff, had some good jokes it did.
Speaker 1:That's very good um, I have one other thing off topic really quick. Uh, adam savage, the guy that did uh mythbusters. He has like a YouTube podcast-y kind of show and he was talking about Robin Williams and his interactions and at a certain point he gets to Bicentennial man, which we did. Great movie, yeah, great.
Speaker 2:Great film, not a great movie Perfect film cover to cover.
Speaker 1:And he says the suit was great, one of the best hard suits that goes over a person he's like. The aesthetics of it can be argued.
Speaker 2:So I was just like, I just wanted to hear.
Speaker 1:I don't think he worked on the suit, he did props on the movie and I was like, oh, he also worked on Flubber, and remember the little gooey guy that flubbered around. He worked on that and you're like these are two very similar things where it's like, maybe in the right way, maybe it just needed to be whatever.
Speaker 2:Well, here's the thing Flubber way better than Bicentennial man, even just as a movie in general, but also, you know, the suit is pretty bad, Very hideous.
Speaker 1:Oh, and the weird woman robot there are some bad things in Bicentennial man. Bad things you mean good. So we start off. Pirates attack this boat off the island of Bengala. The dad is killed, the kid goes onto the island, the magic ceremony and they make him into the thing. I guess his dad was dying right there, Did they say his dad got killed on the boat.
Speaker 2:So this is not the kid, is not Billy Zane, you know that right. This is 400 years ago. Oh, this is the first phantom oh it took me so long to figure this out. This is the first phantom he's showing how he's the 21st phantom, exactly so this is like the very first guy.
Speaker 2:We're seeing how the how the vengeance started, which is those pirates killed somebody's dad and then that kid escaped, became the Phantom, and then he's just passed it down from generation to generation, somehow accumulating enough wealth that they don't have to work a day in their lives. That's what we need to do, dan.
Speaker 1:That, that I missed, all that.
Speaker 2:But no, they don't tell you that, Dan. So the only reason I know that is because later in the movie they talk about how the henchman killed Billy Zane's dad by stabbing him in the back, and I was like, well, that's not what we saw in the beginning of the movie. So then I had to go back and I was like, holy shit, this is 400 years ago. This is like the old Phantom guy and that's how you know. This movie is not very good because we don't even realize that there's 400 years of difference between these two time periods.
Speaker 1:Ah, very good. So what we do now is we spend Act 1 with the lower-level bad guy. Yeah, Tony, when you're writing your movie, do you say you know who? We need to spend all our time with A lower level bad guy.
Speaker 2:Well, shout out to Elko, who made a whole short about that, by the way, called the Henchman. There it is. But no, I mean, you wouldn't Not if you're going to then introduce the main villain and it turns out he's a big part of your story and is the main villain. You know what I mean, villain, and it turns out he's a big part of your story and is the main villain. You know what I mean? Like if, if the main villain was a side character and for some reason, you wanted to follow this henchman, maybe as a change of heart. Maybe we find out he's got, you know, a wife and kids and he's struggling to figure out the balance between good and evil. But this guy's just like a guy and he just dies eventually, like, so there's no reason that he is the lead of this movie.
Speaker 1:Um, and I love it, it's, it's very weird it's, it's unexpected, unexpected and stupidity is that we're gonna be spending a lot of time with this random. It's so much time, so much time with him so he's driving a truck to go steal this skull. He's got two guys in the front. We've got a guy in the front with him and a kid. No, he's got two guys in the front with him and a kid. They get to the rickety bridge. They all go across.
Speaker 2:They make the kid you just need to skip over the part where he tries to elbow the kid in the face. It's so weird. He's getting annoyed with the kid so he goes to elbow the kid in the face like just crush his face. The kid ducks and he hits the seat and they make like a weird joke about it. This is the weirdest scene in a movie. That's very strange. This is such a weird way to enter your movie because it doesn't really explain any of the characters. No, you have people that you barely see again. And then you have this guy that is not even important to the movie really, but that is here prominently. And also I have a question about the skulls. Can you, can you explain the skulls? Not to derail this podcast, it's going so well. The skulls gave the phantom his no, no, they didn't.
Speaker 1:No, they're just why? The skulls just make a laser. Skulls are just a laser, that's all they are. They're laser components.
Speaker 2:That can't be right, though that is the power, because they make such a big deal about these skulls and how you can't get all three or you'll be so powerful. Yes, but then all it does is like it's a ghostbuster street that's all it is. Makes a laser yeah, two of them make a laser pointer and three make a laser make a laser.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what they do. They make a laser. Think about it, and that's you know. The key to movies is the smart way to make a movie is you make the enemy the bad thing, personal.
Speaker 2:Sure, sure. Make it matter to somebody.
Speaker 1:You bring it to a small level, and if you're doing a comedy, you make it a very small thing, so then it's certainly a small thing. I'm obsessed with this. Thus, we go on our adventure and it doesn't really matter whether it fails or whatever, or you make it as big as possible, which the Avengers did that when they made the Jakari or whatever space lizard things and you get to that and you're just like, oh man, I truly do not care about any of this.
Speaker 2:So it's like if you go too high.
Speaker 1:But then the even worse than going too high is making your thing. That's supposed to be the most important thing in the world, and it's just dumb.
Speaker 2:It's not, it's not, it's, it's nothing. But all then also, dan, how? What does the fourth skull do that just happens to be on his finger?
Speaker 1:oh, they say that. They say the fourth skull controls the other three skulls, which is not true. The fourth is not true can just negate the three skulls sort of yeah, sort of, if you try really hard you have to like push your finger at it really hard willpower.
Speaker 2:So if it didn't, why do they care so much? Because the the ghost dad is like how could you let this fall into their hands? But it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:Because they're going to be able to laser. You know, like I shot a guy, I shot another guy. I shot a guy.
Speaker 2:I mean it would be very helpful. It's not even a big laser, though.
Speaker 1:No, it's not a big laser. If you're going up against a tank a tank just has range on you and it just shoots you and you would die, and then you're just done.
Speaker 2:This is supposed to just be sitting there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disrupt it also it also can just vaporize a person, it'll cut through yeah, someone turned to dust, yeah, and it hits you and you just vaporize yeah, which makes perfect sense, because chemistry so the bad guys need their truck across the bridge and so they make the kid drive the truck across the bridge. You're kind of like why would the kid do that? Why would the kid?
Speaker 2:because they don't think that, they don't think it's gonna make it, so they're like one of us needs to stay behind. So they make this eight-year-old kid drive the truck across. Yeah, but why?
Speaker 1:does the kid even do that? Why does he just leave?
Speaker 2:I don't know why is the?
Speaker 1:kid. It's like we have this kid. Is he working for?
Speaker 2:you, we don't know. You know, like he's the one telling them where to go oh, he's giving them directions why is he telling them where to go? Because otherwise he's gonna get elbowed in the face.
Speaker 1:It's really bad stuff uh, he drives the truck, it gets across fine uh they do this thing where they they're on the other side of the bridge.
Speaker 2:The bad guys walked across and they were like hey, kid, drive it because we don't think it's going to make it. And the kid like hits the gas at the end. And all three of these bad guys are like whoa hit the brakes but he just very slowly goes up and stops in plenty of time. There's never a moment where they look like they're in danger, but they all act like they're in supreme danger and it's a very silly little scene there's all sorts of funny things you could have done.
Speaker 1:I'm sure I can spend more time on this. They, they go to a certain distance and they go. We're going on foot from here, and then why?
Speaker 2:did you need the truck, like how far are you going? I? They're not telling us how far they're going, but it doesn't feel like they're going that far and they probably didn't need the truck. They did not need the truck.
Speaker 1:They get to the cave, there's a native observing them, which the native could have just shot arrows into them, killed them all very easily.
Speaker 2:For sure, very easily.
Speaker 1:There's a spider, there's dead people, and they go through there and then they find this gold skull hanging out there and they're like the dude's like got it. And then we learned Mr Drex is going to be very happy.
Speaker 2:So they're there on orders from Drex.
Speaker 1:I wrote oh, when they're getting the skull, this one skeleton comes to life and kills a dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it very clearly, we cut to this thing. Very clearly we cut to this thing. And the guy is holding these just, you know, like biology classroom skeleton, just holding the hands around his own neck and pretending to get choked.
Speaker 1:Oh sure.
Speaker 2:It's probably the funniest thing that I've seen in a long time, because his whole body is jumping up and down and the arms are just like doing this while choking him. But we don't know why it comes to life Nothing else ever comes to life again in this entire movie and then he just dies from it, like within seconds. People are shooting the skeleton, nothing happens, and then he dies and then the skeleton goes back to being a skeleton, even though someone else then goes and picks up the skull. So it's not like the skeleton was protecting the skull, it's got one for one.
Speaker 2:It's all of the ghost energy it had left, and now it has to recharge for another 400 years.
Speaker 1:They get it out of there. We hear the drums, we have scared animal footage. And then, here sitting in the cave, is the phantom. He's got a dog named devil. Do you know what the name of his, his horse, is? Oh, he's got a wolf sorry, no dog.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a wolf. Your dog is a wolf, which is a very funny line in this movie. Um, is it angel? Did he just hero?
Speaker 1:hero, that's not exactly the opposite of devil, by the way don't, don't, don't think he ever says it in the movie I just looked at okay, I, yeah, I had no idea yeah, um, he goes after. He attacks the bad guys on horseback. Uh one, he knocks down one guy and he's like devil. You just stand here and guard him, because you can't hurt anybody in this movie. Everybody, yes everybody.
Speaker 2:That's correct.
Speaker 1:I fell down and I'm sitting here and I'm I'm not gonna do any more bad it's family friendly, okay.
Speaker 2:These guys give up very easily. I mean to be fair, though. If I was in a fight and somebody like popped me in the nose, I think I would just quit the fight, like my nose is very sensitive, and I would just be like you know what. I'm sorry, this was a mistake. I would like to go now. Thank you so much for your time.
Speaker 1:I would fight to the end.
Speaker 2:And I respect that about you, but I don't like pain Jumps on the truck fights the bad guys.
Speaker 1:The bad guy has the tattoo of the spider web, which means that he's part of the people that attacked the boat when he was a kid, but it wasn't the boat when he was a kid.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right. But how is he a part of this brotherhood we never is. Is anybody else in the bad guy organization a part of this brotherhood?
Speaker 1:I think it's just him oh, and all the pirates at the cave at the end no, no, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:so that's the brotherhood of this whatever I don't remember what it's called. I feel bad S-A-N-G-H, but somehow this one white dude is part of this brotherhood and he is bringing a bunch of guys that are not a part of this brotherhood. It doesn't make any sense here.
Speaker 1:Doesn't make any sense. Let me write that down. Doesn't make any sense. Got it, got it. He jumps on the truck, bad guy with a tattoo on the bridge Hanging out of the truck. He grabs the kid, he catches a vine, he shoots a vine and they swing to safety. And then the bad guys in this time period have just all left.
Speaker 2:Just gotten away. Yeah, they just went home. They just went home. They were like, okay, you win this round, buddy, and then they just left.
Speaker 1:No, they won.
Speaker 2:The bad guys won the round because they got the skull.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's right. They did get the skull, you're right. So they left. We win.
Speaker 2:We're losing. Here's my problem. Yeah, they're hanging from. Somehow this truck gets wrapped up in vines. Yeah, the vines go over the top of it somehow. Somehow they go over the top and grab it and then the bridge turns upside down and the truck is hanging upside down, thankfully locked in vines somehow, which doesn't that's yes oh sure, thankfully, doesn't make any sense, dan.
Speaker 2:they didn't drive through anything different that they hadn't driven through before. What are these vines, I don't know. But then he's hanging on a vine with the kid. He shoots the other side of the vine. Yes, now, just mathematically speaking, if this vine would not work, they splattered into the side of this mountain, without a doubt. You can't somehow they traveled up. It doesn't make any sense. I didn't like it. Think of a different way to get out of it.
Speaker 1:At the Jungle Patrol station. We meet the captain, we learn about some looters and we learn about the ghost who walks and everybody's like he's immortal and the captain's like no such thing.
Speaker 2:Now we get to Tony's favorite scene, Dan, just real quickly, though. The ghost who walks doesn't sound like someone dressed up in a purple leotard. You know what I mean. I found that a little off-putting If I saw. Even if I thought he was a ghost, that's not what would come to my mind.
Speaker 1:Well, because we don't really even understand what the system is here, right? Nope, we're like. Well, who are the? These are the British that are in control of something, and who are they fighting against? And what are they?
Speaker 2:controlling. Who is he fighting against? He lives in a cave on an island that doesn't get a lot of visitors.
Speaker 1:Well, he fights looters and poachers and people looking for the dinosaur graveyard, shit like that.
Speaker 2:Do they mention a dinosaur graveyard in this?
Speaker 1:movie, no, but you know, oh, that would be cool.
Speaker 2:And the three skulls. Don't forget the four skulls, sorry.
Speaker 1:Don't forget about that. He doesn't even know. He doesn't even know, he doesn't even know. We've heard of them, which you'd think if that young boy knew where the cave was that had the gold skull in it.
Speaker 2:There's obviously some sort of myth to it that everybody seems to know.
Speaker 1:And your problem with all this is we've all seen Indiana. We've all seen Indiana Jones.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Unfortunately we have yeah.
Speaker 1:Everything in Indiana Jones is set up. So you know that first act in Indiana Jones is unimpeachable. I mean, probably if you really look at that whole movie it's unimpeachable. But just even just you know all the beats to that first thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, because they basically invented the perfect movie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, going through the. You know, here we are with the guide. We get to the thing, we go. There we go traps, traps, traps. We get to the thing we do. The sand shift Gets the gold thing Runs out. The ball Shoots out. Boom, there's Belloc, give me the skull. He runs away. Start your movie. You know, start the plane, start the plane Jumps on, the plane flies away and we're just like. I remember the day I don't remember a lot of days I went to see movies. I remember the day I stood outside a theater at 11 o'clock in the morning. I was one of the 12 people to go in and see Indiana Jones in a preview, no less.
Speaker 2:Wow, look at you clock. In the morning I was one of the 12 people to go in and see Indiana Jones in a preview. No less Wow, before it even came out.
Speaker 1:Was it the Fox Theater? The Fox Theater used to be. You just remember watching that movie, going like, okay, this is like we got to have. I got to have Star Wars and Indiana Jones as childhood things. I got to see very early on and you're just like, okay, what the hell? Well, I got to see very early on and you're just like okay what the hell?
Speaker 2:Well, I got to see Monster Squad and the Lost Boys as a child, so I mean, I think I'm winning out of the two of us.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so sad.
Speaker 2:Two of the greatest films ever made. You know, what Four of them? How about that? I'll give yours a little love.
Speaker 1:Talk about the topless scene, Tony.
Speaker 2:When Billy Zane's just hanging out naked and his buddy is like telling him to read a book, and then his dad appears. I don't understand this exactly. If I'm being 100% honest with you, so they're reading some sort of he's doing research. What do you call it? Yeah, but like a book on the island, is that?
Speaker 1:yeah, he has his tomes from all over the world. He's doing his research to find out about the skull the little asian boy is putting. Of course they're in africa, but he has, like an indian asian boy, bruce's servant, who you know. It's like if you want to see a movie, where everybody in the movie is white except maybe the villain, there's a lot of white people.
Speaker 2:On this island, no less Like. It's very confusing. I didn't understand where we were for most of the movie.
Speaker 1:So the kid is putting salves on his wounds and he's like go away, kid, I don't need any salves on my wounds. It's like Batman does not tell alfred to f off when alfred's trying to fix it to batman well, alfred would beat the shit out of him.
Speaker 2:Yes, um, but he is topless and he is cut up. Billy, billy got in shape for this movie I'll tell you that mr zane looks good, we find out. This is is pre-Titanic right.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Way, way pre-Titanic. Good for him.
Speaker 1:Titanic's, probably 10 years later, at least 10?
Speaker 2:I can't be 10. That's too many.
Speaker 1:Let's see if it's before 2006, 2005. Okay, so there's these three skulls. The bad guys now have one. They got to get two more to have this energy source. And then his dad shows up. We find out that his dad is a ghost, patrick McGowan. He just shows up and gives him crap. Mostly, he just gives him crap.
Speaker 2:Pretty much. It's the weirdest. I just don't understand what's happening. He shows up and kind of makes fun of him a little bit, calls him an idiot, kind of is like you, do you let him get the skull? Boy, oh boy, what a disappointment. And then he disappears. When this guy disappeared, dan, I was so confused I I didn't understand what was happening at all. It took me a while to figure out that this person is either in his head or is an actual ghost. We never, never, learn what the truth is. He's a ghost, are you sure? Yeah for sure he's a ghost. Why can nobody else see him ever? That's not how ghosts work, is it? I mean?
Speaker 2:it can be they regulate that shit they can control who sees them and who doesn't.
Speaker 1:That's pretty nice we go to Long Island, New York. There's a party, we meet Diana and it's a charity dinner. Xander Drax oh wait, we learn that Xander Drax is a New York guy. He's a thug.
Speaker 2:She goes into the kitchen. Except for he's not a thug, he's actually quite posh. You know what I mean. When for he's not a thug, he's actually quite posh. You know what I mean. Like when they described him as a thug, I was very surprised when it was Treat Williams and he was acting not like a thug.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. He's a rich guy that's in control of the police and the mob and everything.
Speaker 1:He's got it all In the kitchen. She gets hit on by this floppy guy. She's making herself a sandwich. We find out the dad runs a newspaper and they're working on the story of your life and somebody oh, and maybe Drax is talking to him and he's like Drax is like, drax shows up, treat Williams, yeah, very fun. Oh yeah. Drax is like oh, maybe I'll just buy your newspaper, right, because the newspaper is going to write a bad article about him. And he's like you know, maybe I'll just buy that. And he's like not everything is for sale. And then Drax says of course I get what I want.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I get what I want. Yeah, great, great stuff. Yeah, really laying the groundwork.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it sets up what his thing is.
Speaker 2:Honestly, all of the scenes with Treat Williams I did enjoy Because again he's in a different movie. You know, like he is campy, he's having some fun. He's playing this up and I love it. I'm having a great time with him.
Speaker 1:He does have one. He has a couple of really good scenes. So they find so he's on this quest for the supernatural power. So they're going to send the niece to the jungle to find out what's going on.
Speaker 2:The police chief, which is a decision you would never make, by the way. But that's fine. Let me send my niece to the jungle to deal with the bad guys.
Speaker 1:Talking about why you know she has to tag along with some reporter, but whatever said like a guy, just be like this is. This is a guy that works in the newsroom or the mail room, just send him I don't know cannon fodder or it's almost like in the Mummy you have the brother and then the sister, and the brother plays this great role. So good you just think about the Mummy, and you just think about all the great roles.
Speaker 2:Everybody gets a good role. I think about the Mummy a lot, by the way. It's a perfect film.
Speaker 1:Okay, so she gets on the airplane, goes on the airplane. Drax meets this. Oh God, this scene.
Speaker 2:Is this your favorite?
Speaker 1:scene in the whole movie. No, no, this scene is just so. This is your classic movie scene that just is so unnecessary. Drax meets with Dr Fleming, who's the head librarian at the library, who leaked this information to the newspaper.
Speaker 2:To the press?
Speaker 1:yeah, but he says he didn't leak the stuff. And I says he didn't leak the stuff.
Speaker 2:And I'm inclined to believe him that he didn't leak this to the newspaper.
Speaker 1:Oh, you believe him? Yes, because Dan, can I ask you will?
Speaker 2:you look at this microbe underneath this microscope for me, for a second Dan.
Speaker 1:I'm inclined to believe him because he doesn't even act scared.
Speaker 2:Well, you're a sucker, then Dan, okay, me and Treat. We know he's a liar. All right, this guy's lying up and down, he's not lying though, like, like.
Speaker 1:That's the one thing I've learned in my improvs. In my improv and about acting is an actor knows what they're supposed to be doing in the scene.
Speaker 2:Right, so they, they, they give us these subtle clues where you're going with it.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay he is not acting, you know, like if drax is like. So somebody leaked this to me and he's like I'm the only one that has that information that he should make like a little face, like right be like I, I didn't uh, uh, you're caught.
Speaker 2:You gotta be a little bit caught. This guy is like I didn't do it. I didn't do that, yeah, okay nobody can have that information.
Speaker 1:I I believe his acting is such that he wants us to believe and it's like it can't be like the double switch where he's like acting so good to treat williams.
Speaker 2:That's not the point of the movie? No, no, but that was his. That was his motivation for the scene. He was like you know what I need to convince? Treat the actor that I am indeed innocent. That was what that was what's going through his head.
Speaker 1:So no, dan, that's very funny it's just so weird because the scene just doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2:You have to have something pending it gets worse.
Speaker 1:It gets a little worse here. Like come go look in my microscope. I've got something you want to see. The guy goes and looks in the microscope. I don't see anything. He's like look closer.
Speaker 2:Then he pushes the button no, no, no, no. He says you have to adjust the focus knob he makes this guy stab his own eyes out with the focus knob. Focus knob.
Speaker 1:It is the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life, and we set up that he has this microscope on his desk to stab people's eyes out.
Speaker 2:Just, he uses this trick all the time. Nobody talks about it, nobody is ever like hey, listen, if you go to his office, don't look in the microscope, don't do it and I mean he's, they stabs into the guy's eyes and he's like, oh you know, we cut away from it and we hear him screaming, and it's just it doesn't seem like what drax does.
Speaker 1:It doesn't seem like the guy he is well, I mean, you're right about that.
Speaker 2:How? Here's what I'll say. Though he takes he's, he tells the guy to look in the microscope. He says I'll hold your glasses, holds the guy's glasses, the guy stabs his own eyes out, treat, breaks the glasses and says I guess you won't be needing these anymore. I was like this is unbelievable but this is the moment where I was like this has to be satirical.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like this if you are writing a real movie, this scene can't be in it. No, it cannot physically be in a real world. It's so bizarre. And every once in a while there are scenes where I'm like, no, this is satiric, like we're making fun of ourselves, right, but I don't know if we are. I'm somewhere in between those two things.
Speaker 1:And that's the thing. It is kind of played seriously.
Speaker 2:Especially. I mean especially when you're in the billy zane scenes. Yeah, there's no camp, there's no looking at ourselves in the mirror whatsoever, so it's just these two. It's. I don't know, I'm I don't. I don't know what happened, but there was a miscommunication somewhere.
Speaker 1:Now, because really it's these couple of scenes where it just really goes south for me. Their airplane is having trouble, the fan hears about it on the radio, and then we cut to the plane sitting in a perfectly flat mirrored thing which they probably shot on the Paramount lot. Oh, for sure there's like this one pond that you can fill up and it's just sitting there and this other plane, seaplane, floats up and they start machine gunning it randomly and then it's like we want Diana Palmer.
Speaker 1:They go on and they grab her and the girl that grabs her turns out to be Catherine Zeta-Jones. And you're just like whoa, she is super hot Smoking and she punch smacks Diana like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's solid. And then Diana tries to do it back and they hold her and the other bad guys hold her back and I just thought that was very unfair.
Speaker 1:Yeah, life is unfair. Life is unfair everybody. So theantom doesn't do anything with the plane, but he's in the captain's office and we find out that diana has been kidnapped. Okay, um, we go out there and here's the kid that drove the bad guys to the cave. He's holding devil and hero, the horse, and then the kid tells him where the I think tells him where the bad guys are so my question is is like does this kid not have a home or parents?
Speaker 2:no, he's playing both sides oh, I see he said he's trying to look out for number one and that's himself whoever's.
Speaker 1:whoever's, that's who he's paying for Good for him.
Speaker 2:Whoever's got that dough? He's a. What's that called? What's that Mercenary? He's a mercenary, True mercenary.
Speaker 1:Got it, okay, got it. You got to be when you're an Indian kid living in an African jungle.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:That seems Seems pretty nice over there, just based on what I've seen in this movie. I'm in On a boat we have oh, the bad guys, I guess are on a boat, were they on a? Boat. Maybe They've got Diana tied up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they are on a boat because eventually they escape on like some sort of oh, they escape on the plane.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, they escape on the plane, they escape on the red plane. That's right, that is yeah, they got Luger to her head. The Phantom's on the case. He's checking it out. He sees the boat, phantom gets on the boat.
Speaker 2:Who does he burst in on first? Just a women's locker room with some women changing.
Speaker 1:It's great, and these are the bad guys, catherine. Zeta Jones leads a whole squadron of sexy ladies, sexy air pirates.
Speaker 2:So this leads to my favorite line of the film, by the way. So he's in that locker room area, a bunch of women changing, and then someone pulls a gun on him. So he jumps down the laundry chute yes, lands at the bottom of the laundry chute. Sees Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Speaker 1:That's where they've got Diana tied up with Catherine Zeta-Jones In the laundry room, like you do, okay.
Speaker 2:I mean, where else are you going to put her, Dan? Okay, you got to put her to work, right, that is true. So he jumps down the chute and sees Catherine Zeta-Jones and Diana and he goes what is this? A ship full of women? I mean, this line is unbelievable. He does not deliver it as a joke whatsoever. It feels like he's genuinely asking Catherine Zeta-Jones is this a ship full of?
Speaker 2:women. But that line is so funny. It's so funny Women up here, women down here. What is this? A ship full of women. I almost died. It was so good. Also, I want to give a quick shout out to when we see Catherine Zetaeta jones literally carry diana into the room and set her on a chair legit, just carried another person and I was like that's cool, good for you.
Speaker 1:Good for you um phantom immediately unties, diana steals a gun and then katherine jada, jones, katherine zeta jones kisses him.
Speaker 2:Just kisses him. What's happening, dan? What's going on in this movie? So she pulls a gun on him and is holding it to him and he's looking at Diana with the gun at his back and he's like, well, you got to be careful with guns, you never know when they're going to fall out. And then he just snatches the gun out of her hand and she just stands there as he then unties Diana and then her last ditch effort is to kiss him on the mouth. I'm so confused. I don't understand what's happening. But also, billy Zane makes the wrong choice in this moment. She was hot, you stay there. You say Diana, just get out. I'm going to stay back here and check things out for a little bit.
Speaker 1:I need to convo with someone.
Speaker 2:It's just so weird, this movie is so bizarre.
Speaker 1:Then Diana gets up and knocks Catherine Zeta-Jones out. Bam.
Speaker 2:Yeah, great, you know, nice payback from the punch.
Speaker 1:They go out, the bad guys grab them. One of the bad guys holds a big comical wrench to the phantom's stomach Big comical wrench.
Speaker 2:Big comical wrench. And yet somehow this movie not a satire. I don't understand it, dan.
Speaker 1:Devil attacks. Did you pay any attention to the gun handling of the Phantom?
Speaker 2:Not even a little bit. Probably. It didn't register, although I did feel like at one point he was supposed to be pointing it this way and he was somehow like his hand was cocked sideways, so his arm was on the right, camera right, but the barrel was pointed camera left and I just like weird. I don't know where he's shooting right now. It was really weird.
Speaker 2:He's terrible I mean, I don't know anything about guns, but he seemed I mean either incredibly terrible about it but I mean, I've seen john wick, so I know what they're supposed to look like, and this is not what it looked like so there's the seaplane, they, they jump on the seaplane, they fly away.
Speaker 1:The bad guys are like, oh, they're escaping in a plane, let's chase them in a truck and horses, yep.
Speaker 2:But the good news is it works. So I mean we can make fun of them all we want, but they nailed it it was the right choice.
Speaker 1:Phantom's dog goes and talks to the Phantom's horse, tells the horse what's happening. The horse is like okay, I'm on this now.
Speaker 2:Hold on. We have to reiterate that, dan, because I think if people haven't seen the movie they're going to think you're being farcical. This wolf literally walks up to the horse, barks or whatever. Does a wolf bark? He barks, or whatever Does a wolf bark? He barks, and then the horse nods. The horse is like yes, yes, yes, let's do that, and then they run off together. We never talk about that again. There's never any other animals that have a conversation. These two animals had a legitimate conversation in this movie and we don't talk about it at all. That's crazy, dan.
Speaker 1:You have to give us a line like ah, you know, she asked Dan to say how did your horse get here? And he's like well, devil Bride told him the.
Speaker 2:Devil told him all about it.
Speaker 1:She looks at him like he's crazy, but you know we're all like there, it is the two of them talk.
Speaker 2:But instead we just watch that happen and we are forced to accept it. There's not a moment to stop.
Speaker 1:It is wild they run out of fuel. She has to climb onto the pontoon and he jumps onto the horse.
Speaker 2:She jumps on I don't think this is right. Well, it's not right. Finish, and then I'm going to talk to you about airplanes. Real quick, okay.
Speaker 1:She jumps onto the horse. He jumps onto the horse.
Speaker 2:And then they're on the horse and they've escaped from the plane, and then the airplane keeps flying straight and then hits a mountain and blows up. I thought they were out of gas. They're running low on gas yeah, they're running low, so can't you just land the plane? No place to land it? No place to land it. Yeah, you're on an island.
Speaker 1:There's a clearing right there. We're losing altitude. Yeah, he knows where all the trees are so he knows what's going to happen.
Speaker 2:Okay, he knows what's gonna happen. Okay, he knows what's gonna happen. Yeah, he knows exactly.
Speaker 1:It's, uh, it's, I don't, it's wild stuff, man there are stunts that get you excited and then there are stunts that you're just like oh, now we have to watch another person jump, like why, why are we?
Speaker 2:doing this. What's happening? And it doesn't. It's not fast. Let me just tell you. They're like. He's like oh boy, we're almost out of gas. Let's climb down. Six minutes later, they're finally on the horse.
Speaker 1:It's ridiculous then boom, here come the bad guys, you know because they they were lockstep right.
Speaker 2:They knew what was happening driving through the forest.
Speaker 1:they could see where the plane was. They chased, they crashed into a log. The guys on the horses ride to where the secret tribe on the island is and then they get grabbed by ropes and everyone's like ah.
Speaker 2:This is my second favorite line of the movie. Don't brush by it, Dan.
Speaker 1:The tribe eats well tonight Okay.
Speaker 2:What's the line? So the, the, they get them, they get the bad guys all tangled up. And then diana asks, uh, phantom. She's like, how did you do that?
Speaker 2:and he says, and I quote my friends, the rope people no, he doesn't say that I swear to god, dan, I watched it three times to make sure he says the rope people. He doesn't say that. I swear to god, dan, I watched it three times to make sure he says the rope people. He doesn't have a real name for this tribe, he just calls them the rope people.
Speaker 1:That's gotta be like the most offensive thing that ever happened.
Speaker 2:There's no way, I swear to god, to you dad, he says the rope people and it's just nonchalantly, that's all. I just can't believe it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to order the novelization of the movie and I'm going to read what happens. Did you have the subtitles on? We always have subtitles on I can't escape it in this stupid house, it said the rope people.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you, dan, I guarantee you it's rope R-O-P-E people.
Speaker 1:Did you buy this movie or did you just rent it?
Speaker 2:I bought it. I had to buy it.
Speaker 1:Are you kidding me? Go back and watch it.
Speaker 2:I'm going to go back and watch it, because I don't think I'm glad I bought this. I'll definitely watch this again.
Speaker 1:He rides them, rides her to his secret hideout, which is just a big skull cave that everyone can see.
Speaker 2:Which is confusing. The skulls didn't give him his power, he seems weirdly obsessed with skulls. I understand that now.
Speaker 1:Well, that's where they live. He's so obsessed with skulls. But that's part of the incantation in the beginning of the thing, where he can see. I mean, he has the power to see ghosts.
Speaker 2:You mean ghost Singular, I mean, he only sees one ghost.
Speaker 1:It might be an avatar thing. He might also see his grandpa occasionally, if his grandpa has something to add.
Speaker 2:His grandpa's just not as big as a dick as his dad was, so he doesn't come in and mock him all the time so he gets there and he's like, wait here in the cave they.
Speaker 1:He runs to his treasure cave, his bonus treasure cave, and he's like oh, what would she like? What would she like? What would she like? He pulls out a string of black pearls, runs back there, gives her the black pearls. I didn't write the line down, but there's like a weird line where he's like yeah, this is for you.
Speaker 2:He says I wanted to give you something to remember me by. And she's all like yeah, I think.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna remember by all the shit that went down.
Speaker 2:The guy in the purple jumpsuit that just saved my life and we jumped off a plane.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm gonna forget you but thank God, I have the pearls. Oh, remember One of those pearls. Oh, that reminds me of what happened last week. Oh Jesus, this is crazy, it's just so weird. Here comes the captain guy from the garrison and he's like smoking out and his little. Indian assistant's like no smoking in the skull cave. No smoking in the skull cave, I mean, there you go. There's one of those lines that snuck through where it's like none of that's real.
Speaker 2:That's not. If you're writing a real movie, that line's not in it, right?
Speaker 1:So we find out that she's come here to do a job, and then he's like no, you're leaving, we're putting you on a plane, you're going home.
Speaker 2:We're just gonna send you right back, you've flown off.
Speaker 1:You've done all this legwork for nothing. We're just kicking you back out, yeah. And then we get the line that I had to go back and re-watch and turned on the subtitles because I wanted to get this right. The captain says nobody argues with the Phantom and wins yeah, you have to call that back.
Speaker 2:Well, they kind of call it back, but they miss it At the very end when he asks her to marry him or whatever he says she's like. And what if I refuse? And he says no one refuses the Phantom, which is super rapey and not what they said earlier. So they should have connected those a little bit better, but they did try and then we find out that that's an old jungle saying.
Speaker 1:That is an old jungle saying what is an old jungle saying?
Speaker 2:I don't understand what that means.
Speaker 1:Explain it to me now we're back in new york city. We've the, we've brought the skull to drax. We find out that they polished it with toothpaste I don't, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2:Is that? Why is that even mentioned? I have no idea, it's I wrote it down too, and I was just like why are we, why are we talking about that? Like is that going to come back?
Speaker 1:But no, that is some inside joke between some people that they put in there Maybe that's what they did on set.
Speaker 2:Maybe, like the props department was like we got to shine this thing up, they might have got some toothpaste Put it in the movie and we find out that Quill, the henchman guy, killed his dad, Phantom, and has the belt. And, at a certain point, starts wearing the belt. Yeah for sure.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Super weird. I don't notice it earlier, though, that's the weird part about it, Like when they're in the truck and stuff. He's definitely not wearing it.
Speaker 1:He was not wearing it. I don't believe.
Speaker 2:I mean it could have been.
Speaker 1:We missed it. But they don't show it to us, they don't say look at this guy.
Speaker 2:They don't make a point of it, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the Phantom has Kit I don't know what Kit's last name is has arrived in New York City also. It's like Walker or something right.
Speaker 2:That sounds right yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he pays the cabbie in a bag of plastic gems which he says are valuable.
Speaker 2:Which they're not.
Speaker 1:They're not they're not valuable and somehow the guy's supposed to wait for him. But he also has time to go out and get them appraised to go get them appraised.
Speaker 2:What are you talking about what? He was only in there for 10 minutes. Where did this cab go? I get an appraisal and then come back and wait for him.
Speaker 1:Come on um, this is actually a scene I kind of liked. Drax is in the meeting room, head of police, head of the mob, blah blah, blah. Tell him about how he's got these skulls going on, going to make this power. And there's one of the gangster guys named Ray. Oh Ray, he's doing the thing and he's like I need to get the three skulls and he's like kind of like, yeah, but you only got one of them.
Speaker 2:He, he kind of like roasts him about only having he like, he turns, he goes Raymond, raymond Ray, I know the location of the second skull okay this could have been a great scene if they really just played this whole thing up and 100 you know he's like, I'm not going in for this supernatural mumbo jumbo.
Speaker 1:I was an altar boy and he gets up and you know, hold on, don't wait, don't do it.
Speaker 2:Don't do the end, because I have to talk about this line real quick. He's like I'm an altar boy, so were you. And then in the next sentence he goes I don't believe in anything but the power of something that comes out of a gun or something I was like. Well then, why did you talk about being an altar boy? You either you're an altar boy because you're godly and you don't believe in the supernatural, or you believe in guns, and who cares doesn't make any sense. This character is not very well defined, okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, the scene doesn't work, but him roasting him about only having one of the three skulls.
Speaker 2:Which is great. And then the end of the scene is great. I didn't mean to interrupt, finish it up.
Speaker 1:He picks a spear off. Drex picks a spear off the wall. Throws a spear at him.
Speaker 2:He throws a spear and kills him against the wall. Kills him with a spear. He throws a spear and kills him against the wall. Kills him with a spear.
Speaker 1:Once again, I mean yeah, we're like spear microscope with blades. We need a consistency to the weird ways he's going to kill people.
Speaker 2:This guy doesn't care how he does it, dan, he's just going to kill people for fun.
Speaker 1:Getting it done. And then the other, his raised buddy's like okay, I'm in charge of the criminal activity. Fine, boom, diana has arrived back at her dad's building. Here's Jimmy, the guy that macks on her. He's like still macking on her, and then she goes up to the office. And then, boom, here's Kit, and we find out that six years ago they were friends in college. You know more than just friends.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know there was a relationship there. But he went back to the island. Without telling her, apparently, without telling her not ever communicating with her. Yeah, she says he disappeared. And then we lay out that there's three skulls. And then Jimmy, this random character who has nothing to do in the movie, goes like oh yeah, I know where one of those is. I saw one of those Once again, really great scripting. Just that you have random dude in the room who's like, he's like I saw one of those one time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I remember a skull. I know as if there couldn't be any other skulls, but he's like. I saw one of those one time. Yeah, I remember a skull as if there couldn't be any other skulls, but he's like. I know exactly the skull you're talking about. I got you. But also then he goes on to tell him that it's in the Museum of Natural History, or some shit.
Speaker 2:What is it called World History Of World History? So it's in a very famous museum, I assume, on display, and nobody else knows where this thing is, except for this one guy.
Speaker 1:One random guy. Yeah, it's very convenient. They go back down there the cabbie is waiting In the cab ride. He's macking on Diana, some more. You vanished. My pops died. I had to go take over the family business. We find out that the year is 1939. I guess maybe we talked about that.
Speaker 2:I don't know if we did.
Speaker 1:I'm honest, I don't know. Boom, they go inside Once again, the two of them walk in there and they see this display with the skull in it, and he starts getting bent out of place because it's mis-displayed. It's not where it should be.
Speaker 2:It's in the wrong time period. It's something else.
Speaker 1:He's all mad about it, it's not where it should be.
Speaker 2:It's in the wrong time period. It's something else. He's all mad about it.
Speaker 1:It's kind of funny. And then he's like we got to get it. And she's all like, well, we can.
Speaker 2:And then he has just picked up a stanchion and thrown it through the glass and there's no alarm that goes off by the way.
Speaker 1:I don't think that's false.
Speaker 2:You off, by the way? I don't think it I think that's false 1939. You don't think they had alarms in 1939, not on something like this no boy, but a lot of stuff got stolen, probably.
Speaker 1:Um, and then boom, as soon as he has it, we turn around and there's drax with all of his henchmen. And drax is all like saying to the people there I'm security, I'm in charge charge there's snakes and sandwiches in the hall of nature Y'all go down there Unbelievable Great, just really funny stuff.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:And I believe, right at the end he goes bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye. Yep, that's exactly what he does. That was one of my favorite line readings of the whole movie Because he is wonderful. He is great in this movie. And then he's like who are you? A fellow collector? And then he puts the two skulls in the one bag and they start smoking.
Speaker 2:And then this actually is his most fun scene.
Speaker 2:This is his most fun scene, oh for sure, by far. So we have to talk about this because then we're going to talk about it again later. There is a callback, sort of Kit or sorry. Treat goes, who are you, yeah, and Billy Zane answers Kit Walker. And then, for some reason, treat goes and who is Kit Walker? I was like, what does that mean? Well, he's your name. Doesn't mean anything to me, right, exactly. I mean it's just it's a funny way of saying that like it's like, okay, I've never heard of you. I think it's just like and who is kit? What? Like? Explain more to me. Who is this kit walker? Who are? Uh, I just love it. And then later that plays into when he meets the pirate. But we'll put a pin in that, oh, okay.
Speaker 1:so the skull starts smoking and then he just starts going crazy. He's like it's beautiful, and then the stained glass windows all started exploding and he's like I love this For no reason. Yep. And then there's just this randomly placed map high on the wall and the lasers shoot out. Of the two things?
Speaker 2:Yeah, of course high on the wall and the lasers shoot. Thank god, yeah, of course so, first of all, they say earlier that the two, the two skulls together will lead you to the third skull that's what? That's the whole thing. He says that the phantom never gets.
Speaker 1:That he's that's right. About that you're right, which is, which is interesting, that he would know it based on nothing. I mean, that's how these things work in this movie if the phantom knew that it would be more interesting, right, sure, he's like. We can't let him get the second thing, because then that'll point him to the third thing, because then it'll point him. And then when it happens that they start pointing to where he needs to go, he needs to make that realization.
Speaker 1:The Phantom's going to try and stop it, but then Drax has that realization. That's dramatic. The way they have it now, you've got it backwards you got it backwards.
Speaker 2:But it's just great that there's a map on the wall because it turns out the way that the skull points them to the third skull. Is it laser pointers on the map on the wall of the location of the third skull? So imagine if you had gone to a room without a map. How would it have told you where it's going to go?
Speaker 1:Would have had to shoot a further laser beam. You'd had to follow that laser beam to a map. It's just so weird. His final line, when it's shooting up there.
Speaker 2:Then he goes wow, wow, oh, it's shooting up there he goes wow, Wow, oh, it's good. Yeah, he just he kooks a little in this scene and I love it, it's great.
Speaker 1:Everybody walks out, they take off, the cabbie follows. We ask somebody who their name is, and then they get beat up. I guess maybe it's Kit Walkerer, but they already know his name they sure do yeah, I don't know, I don't know, whatever. So then he's like, yeah, go throw him off the roof. They go up to the stairway. He fights them in the stairway, slips into the electrical room or, no, the machine room.
Speaker 1:Quick changes then they come and they all fight in the machine room for a little while. Then they leave and lock him in the machine room.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, if you can't win the fight, just lock him in a room where he can't get out. That's pretty smart actually.
Speaker 1:Oh, then he goes down the elevator shaft, doesn't he?
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, I guess he escapes through the elevator shaft. Yeah, I don't know, it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter. Elevator shaft yeah, I don't know, it doesn't really matter, turns out, the bad guys have figured out where they need to go and where do they have to go, dan? Oh no, that no, hold on, we have.
Speaker 2:He hasn't slid down the elevator yet they have to go to the devil's vortex the devil's vortex and what happens in the devil's vortex it's the same as the bermuda triangle it's the exact same as the bermuda trial. Could they not say Bermuda Triangle in this? I was just. He literally goes. We have to go to the Devil's Vortex and one of his henchmen is like the place where all those ships keep disappearing. I was like what you mean? The Bermuda Triangle?
Speaker 1:What's happening and the island they go to is kind of Bermuda Triangle, which I think Well, because Bermuda Triangle, like one of the things is that you know people from all. You to find people from all ages there, and it kind of the bad guys kind of are from all ages, sort of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, yeah, but I don't know. It's bizarre.
Speaker 1:The police kept. Oh, he tells the police captain to kill the phantom. The police captain slides down the elevator, follows the car and gets chased by cops, but then also has to steal a horse. And then there's police on motorcycles. These motorcycles that the police are driving back in 1939 can do some fantastic things they sure can.
Speaker 2:They look a lot like motorcycles that might be made nowadays. In 1996, with some paint.
Speaker 1:And had shit glued on them.
Speaker 2:That makes it look like they're old timey Yep.
Speaker 1:My favorite is they're going through Central Park and here's the police on their motorcycles and he's riding on his horse and they're both like. You're like what is happening?
Speaker 2:These police are just shooting at him Shooting, open firing yeah, oh, it's good shooting at him, shooting open firing yeah, oh, it's good uh, he jumps, goes into the zoo that's there, which I guess they shot at the los angeles zoo maybe. I think I read that.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, um, good jump scare. The guys are walking around and boom, a tiger jumps at them.
Speaker 2:That was a good jump scare it sure was, and unexpected, because that doesn't fit in this movie, but I loved it. I love it. Way to you know, bring in new tools, that's you know. You got to keep your audience on their toes.
Speaker 1:They're blabbing.
Speaker 2:In the car.
Speaker 1:No, the car rides the two cops are blabbing, okay, and then eventually he, he's like in the pen with the tiger. He climbs out. They see him, they think they maybe shoot at him and he kind of he gets to do some of his best phantom creepings, we kind of juke into this the ghost who walks. Yeah, now the girl I wrote. Girls fight in the car, right, I guess Catherine, jada Jones and Diana are in the car and they're fighting.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, diana's looking back and she's like he's going to come. And then Catherine Jada Jones is like he's not going to come, he's probably already dead. And then Diana says why are you so mean? I lost my shit again. Why are you so mean? I mean that doesn't belong in any movie, but I loved it. Just genius, genius writing right there.
Speaker 1:He's in the cab, he's talking to his dad and we find out that Quill was the one that killed him. And then he's all like Dad, there's a girl. And Dad's like Dad, shakes his hand. Dad, there's a girl.
Speaker 2:And Dad's like, dad like shakes his hand.
Speaker 1:Good job finding a girl.
Speaker 2:It's so weird.
Speaker 1:It's weird the bad guys get on like this. Another pontoon boat and the Phantom hangs onto the pontoon the whole time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Tom Cruise did it before Tom Cruise got to hang out a plane. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Well, what's his name? Indiana Jones did it with the submarine in the first movie.
Speaker 2:Sure, but that's different than a plane, dan, same bit. Okay. One of them goes through the air, one of them goes through the water.
Speaker 1:We have this weird Went through the water. We have this weird couple scenes on the plane when they're like smoke doing, smoke rings eating donuts yeah, yep no reason other than, I think, just to fill time, to make it feel like they're traveling somewhere you know, because if you just like he, jumped on the boat and then or the plane and then he's just there, you know, you don't really feel like he's been hanging on very long.
Speaker 1:So and then, through the fog, they see an island. The Phantom almost falls off, but he doesn't. They land At a certain point he bails off, so that you know, into the water, into the water. And then they get on a little boat and we begin act three.
Speaker 2:Woo Great. The first two acts perfect, Absolutely perfect. No notes.
Speaker 1:Talk about they go into the cave on their little boat. Talk about where we're doing Act 3.
Speaker 2:I mean in a cave. What do you mean?
Speaker 1:What's in the cave, Tony?
Speaker 2:It's a pirate ship that's been, I don't know, crashed. Is it a crashed pirate ship or is it floating't know crashed? Is it a crashed pirate?
Speaker 1:ship, or is it?
Speaker 2:is it floating?
Speaker 1:it's like pirates of the caribbean. We're worried it is 100 and it's great.
Speaker 2:It's also they mentioned the black, black pearls. That's what he gives her as a gift do you think that this is? Is this what began? The pirates of the carib.
Speaker 1:It's proto. They proto'd it up. It's just so weird. There's like a little town, it's almost like a little town, but it's not because you know that no one lives here.
Speaker 2:Well, the pirates live there.
Speaker 1:They're not really stomping on sand. They're stomping on like a fiberglass.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:And there's like we're going to find out. There's a weird little submarine bay that you can like make the submarine turn.
Speaker 2:I was very confused about that. I don't understand how or why that's there, um, but you know, like, because this is the bermuda triangle, right? So the? I guess these are just ships that have been lost to time, even maybe the future you know, could be um boom this.
Speaker 1:Some weird guys appear and they're the same brotherhood and we're like well, here's the thing.
Speaker 2:But I guess crete isn't part of the same brotherhood right, it's just the one guy, just just the one henchman that we followed at the beginning has the tattoo. Nobody else does so. He shows his tattoo and he's like we're all the same. But they're not all the same, it's a lie.
Speaker 1:They're not buying it. And this is the point at which Catherine Zeta-Jones' character switches from being a bad guy to being a good guy Just switches sides, because one of the bad guys is trying to take diana as her own, and so she's all like girl power fights him off and says I think us girls should stick together.
Speaker 2:Now in my mind this all changed in the car ride. When diana said why are you so mean? Catherine was like why am I so mean? You know know what? That's a great question. She did some soul searching on the way to the cave and she's good now.
Speaker 1:Should we have done like a scene when they were on the plane, where she's like you know where you have the thought bubble. She's like I am mean, I am mean, why am I mean? Weird, I should work on that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's bizarre. Why am I mean Weird? I should work on that. Yeah, it's bizarre. I mean, when she switches sides, I was so confused. There is no inclination that it's going to happen, she just fully switches. It's great, it's great.
Speaker 1:We've got in the lagoon, there's sort of a river that's sort of not in the cave. There's sort of a river that sort of goes around. And here we go, two sharks in shark formation, two just sorry, two plastic sharks that they pull on a rope to make it look like they're swimming.
Speaker 2:I love those sharks, um so, um so. My favorite part of this is when uh Drax meets the head pirate. Well, hold on one second before we do that.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, the phantom has worked his way in there and he runs around and and does his phantom moves and tries to act like something dynamic is happening when nobody knows he's there and nobody knows where he's at.
Speaker 2:And then Catherine Zeta-Jones sees him and doesn't tell on him. She does see him at a certain point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, great stuff. Does he give her the quiet? He gives her something.
Speaker 2:He does something. It might just be a nod, I can't remember, but he does acknowledge that they made eye contact for sure.
Speaker 1:So the Asian pirates shows up? And what happens when the Asian pirate shows up?
Speaker 2:Okay, so he comes out, the pirate leader comes out and they have this scene again where it's like who are you? Hold on. He says who are you? And he's like I'm Drac, what is his name?
Speaker 1:Xander Drac. And then he spells his name for him X d e r d r a.
Speaker 2:it's very funny I've never seen that before in a movie of my entire life. Literally spells his name out so that he'll know two x's. It's so good now wait.
Speaker 1:Now I've written down a line Treat pulls out the scrolls.
Speaker 2:Oh, you wrote something down.
Speaker 1:And then he says you represent the pig-leg Pete's. Why does he say so?
Speaker 2:he's saying basically he's like we should combine our forces, because I'm the future and you are like this old and he does. He says peg leg peats and he said something else. He's like with our powers combined, it was.
Speaker 1:It's not a great sales pitch, that's all uh, we also find out that with the fourth skull you can control the power, or that.
Speaker 2:I think the pirate tells him that yeah, the pirates like and what about the fourth skull? Nobody knew about the fourth skull except for the pirate I. I don't know if I buy it.
Speaker 1:The one monster they have with them. He gets mad, and so they shoot him with a cannon and he is comically, his comically, his body flies across the room, which is a dummy it's great it's beautiful, it's very silly and it's a cannonball and you're telling me this isn't a satirical movie, this is it's tongue in cheek.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you and then the phantom swings in, and then we have a bunch. She shouts the swords right out of their hands. At one point, drax runs away. The bad guy swings down, fights with the bad guy. The bad guy falls in with the sharks. They run out of bullets, they, I think they cut, cut something and the net falls out of the ceiling.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, wait, there's I mean this is nonsense, by the way, this, this battle is nonsense, yeah, but, and a net falls out of the ceiling. Oh, wait, wait, dan. I mean this is nonsense. By the way, this battle is nonsense, but there's a great moment we missed that I got to shout out when Treat is trying to convince the Pirate King. That's what I'm going to call him, pirate King, to join forces.
Speaker 2:He's like there's been a lot of talk about the Phantom. He's like but guess what? We've got this. This is his girlfriend. And like, gives, gives diana over to the pirate queen. And the pirate king is like oh good, I'm gonna enjoy this later. And jude goes. Oh good, personal pleasures. I overlooked that. It's he's so good. If this movie was just on the level of treat williams, sure it would be a cult classic. For sure it wouldn't have landed at the time.
Speaker 2:I don't think, probably not but I think that it would have lived on in infamy for sure like people would love it now what are you doing?
Speaker 1:you're making all sorts of weird noises. You got the hiccups.
Speaker 2:I think the dog has the hiccups oh no, you got the hiccups maybe not tell her to bend over and hold her breath and then drink water yeah, we got it.
Speaker 1:Um, okay, we put the girls in the sub and then right, he's messing with.
Speaker 2:They do the dan goodsell line here because they're like well, where's? How do you know where it's gonna go? And he's like I'm gonna look down the periscope and make sure it's clear. Great, what, what? You don't need to do that, but good on them.
Speaker 1:he does look down the periscope, he runs the controls and then somehow he loses what? The third skull to Drax. He fights Quill and takes his dad's belt back. I write the skulls fly around and then Drax lasers Quill, so Quill's dead.
Speaker 2:Yeah, on accident, his own man.
Speaker 1:Then he lasers at the Phantom and then the Phantom skull ring it's purple versus green and then lasers back somehow phantom, and then the phantom skull ring.
Speaker 2:It's purple versus green and then, yeah, like lasers back somehow I. I don't understand how it works, but that's fine, everything blows up.
Speaker 1:The submarine has shot out. Somehow there's a chain behind the submarine and then the phantom grabs the chain to be dragged out. Is that what?
Speaker 2:happens. It's like, yeah, it's like when you go tubing you know like you're on that rope and that's his rope. I will say I did like some of these stunts as this cave is exploding, yeah, and people are like flipping off the ship and explosions. It reminds me a lot of like going to see the Waterworld show at Universal Studios.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:It's great. By the way, if you've never seen that show, go see that show. It's really. By the way, if you've never, seen that show.
Speaker 1:Go see that show. It's really cool. They still have that show don't they?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely 100%. That's how cool it is, because they jump off high dives and shit. It's awesome. But that's what it reminded me of. I thought that was all right. It was pretty cool.
Speaker 1:Do they still run the same exact cowboy show in that one theater that they've been running since the 70s?
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't know about that. I don't go to cowboy shows, I go to water world shows.
Speaker 1:Everything blows up, he holds onto the sub chain and then the whole island just blows up, just for good measure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, everything's gone Somehow.
Speaker 1:they're now back in the jungle.
Speaker 2:Well, first the sub stops, stops and he climbs on board and opens the door and he's like we're safe, but they're in the middle of the ocean and the submarine has stopped running. I don't understand. But then now they transport back to the show.
Speaker 1:I guess they took the sub all the way back to where they needed to be yeah. He tells the story to Diana in the cave there's a plane waiting and for Mrs. Oh, somebody comes in and says there's a plane waiting for Mrs Palmer, and then he horse rides her to the plane and Catherine Zeta-Jones is driving the plane.
Speaker 2:Hold on, you're skipping over very important details here. The story that he's telling her in his cave of wonders is that he needs to pass the mantle down to his son. He is propositioning this woman to have his children in this cave right now.
Speaker 1:So there's more phantoms coming soon.
Speaker 2:So there's more phantoms coming soon. So there's more phantoms in the future, and it is so weird. I don't know how you felt about it, but I was very uncomfortable with this story, as he's holding her captive in his cage, yeah, so then he goes to the Horses, are over to the plane and Catherine Zeta-Jones is there, and then Diana's like hey, take off your mask, kit Kit Kit Walker, because she already knows she figured it out, and then he's all like I intend to marry you, well, he says I can only take off my mask for the one I am to marry, yes, However.
Speaker 2:However, there are two women here. Catherine Zeta-Jones is a mere 20 feet away.
Speaker 1:That's true.
Speaker 2:And they've already kissed, just saying Okay.
Speaker 1:But it was the whole idea of this sort of chasteness that he needs to have a wife that he marries, to make his kids, to make more phantoms.
Speaker 2:It was weird, it was super weird, it was super weird, it's super weird. And I want to see the sequel, where he's trying to force himself to get married and she's like I'm not interested, I don't like you, don't put on the phantom.
Speaker 1:And then he's like so weird, no one refuses the phantom.
Speaker 2:No one refuses the phantom, but she didn't.
Speaker 1:They act the phantom, but she didn't. She didn't. They act like she refused him, but it didn't even feel like she really refused him.
Speaker 2:She's just like she's playfully, she's teasing. She was like oh and what if I refuse? But you know she's not gonna. You know he's wearing a purple spandex suit. Who's gonna say no?
Speaker 1:to that he was wearing a purple spandex suit. So the phantom you know not like minecraft you're like this is a truly enjoyable movie. You're like there's some funny things in it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, this movie made me laugh. I had fun, but this is not a good movie. No, not a good movie. Important distinction Minecraft. Watched it again this week. Did I tell you that? Did you and enjoyed it? Yeah, watched it. Yeah, still good, Super fun. I thought some of the stuff was even funnier the second time.
Speaker 1:Oh good, good for them, enjoyed it. All people I want to see have success. There it is, let's see what are we doing. That's the end of the Phantom. Goodbye Phantom. I guess they made a TV Sci-Fi, made a TV series, which I think he was the 22nd Phantom. So they, you know.
Speaker 2:Oh, so it was his son. I wonder if either of them make an appearance as the parents.
Speaker 1:I don't think so. Billy Zane I don't know whatever happened to Billy Zane.
Speaker 2:I have to assume he's in bad movies. This movie happened to Billy Zane, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think. Yeah, who knows? Okay, Now we talk about something we like. Would you like?
Speaker 2:to yeah. Well, let me clarify again, similar how we just clarified to this movie. I enjoyed something that was not good at all. It's a new horror movie called the Bayou. It is basically alligators or crocs, I think it's gators I can't tell the difference in florida. Uh, get cocained up and then they start eating people. It's uh, people are trying to escape from the gators. It's really bad, uh, but we had a blast. We had an absolute blast watching this movie had some fun.
Speaker 1:Um god, I watched something and it was very painful, very, very painful and so then I was like well, I'll go watch the first five minutes of andor, oh sure. And then I ended up watching the complete first first just all of it, just the first episode and you're just okay. Yeah, you're just. You're just like.
Speaker 2:There's just a difference. Did you finish the second season? Are you caught up on Andor?
Speaker 1:No, I just started the second season.
Speaker 2:I just watched the first episode. Okay.
Speaker 1:And I cried about 10 minutes into it because it was so beautiful, dan.
Speaker 1:Goodson, you were like Such a sap. Every decision they make in that show. So beautiful, dan Goodson. Just like you were like such a sap. Oh, every every decision they make in that show. You're just like, oh, they're just, it's just. There's characters and there's jeopardy, and that was I guess that was the thing you know. You watch the the very first, the very first scene is he's in an imperial place to steal a TIE fighter like a special one, and there's a woman helping him do it. And you were just like. This is a character you've never met. So you know Andor is going to get out of there, you know he's going to live, but you're just like this character could live or die to do the thing that they're doing and it's a character you've never met. But you instantly have emotional investment in them because they could just die.
Speaker 1:And you know they could just take one to the head and you're just going to be like. You know, is this revolution worth it? You know you're automatically confronted with the idea of is this revolution worth this woman risking her life and possibly dying? Those are stakes.
Speaker 1:That's stakes that they built into like within 90 seconds of this thing starting, you understand the stakes for everyone. And and then they go into a mon mothma scene and you, just you watch her like be like a diplomat, and then you just see her face, and then they have what's his name's? Skarsgård? It's the same thing. You know he's here's this character I'm playing. And then you're like, but I'm also the most important spy in the universe. Sure, how are we mere mortals trying to create something interesting, supposed to deal with that level?
Speaker 2:of storytelling.
Speaker 1:It's the same level of storytelling in Michael Crichton, not Michael Crichton. Michael Clayton, but also Crichton, not Michael Crichton, michael.
Speaker 2:Clayton, but also Crichton was great, Crichton was yeah.
Speaker 1:Very, very tall. I met him once, very, very tall, really. He came into the gallery I worked at because he was a huge art collector.
Speaker 2:Very tall. Okay, sure, Very very tall. I love that. Good for him. Good for him, Tall famous writer, I mean that's not bad.
Speaker 1:No, unfortunately dead.
Speaker 2:Well RIP. I understand, I just meant Wiley was alive. Sheesh Dan.
Speaker 1:We're still alive, so we still have a chance to get to those glorious ties.
Speaker 2:I don't have a chance to get taller or better at writing. I'm sorry, I'm too old to learn anything new.
Speaker 1:You're never too old to get better at writing.
Speaker 2:I'm already on my downslope.
Speaker 1:Tony, yes, what is happening? We're like in the slide. I mean the Phantom, not a good movie, but not a movie. We need to go back to the drive-away level of movies.
Speaker 2:I don't know if this is going to reach that level.
Speaker 1:I want to hold someone accountable. I want to meet someone on the street and I'm just going to say why the hell did you do that to us?
Speaker 2:Well, how about someone named John Krasinski? What about him?
Speaker 1:What about somebody named Natalie Portman? I had this on my list. We watched 11 minutes of this movie. Yes, yes, that's what I want to hear. This movie, that's what I want to hear naomi looked at me.
Speaker 2:she goes, turn it off. We you have to do this for the podcast, because we spent 11 minutes just mad and yelling at the tv about how shitty this movie was. So maybe it gets better, who knows, but I doubt it. So we are doing the Fountain of Youth on Apple TV+, or is it just Fountain of Youth, fountain of?
Speaker 1:Youth? No, though, here's my question to you. Yeah, we've done a lot of bad movies. You know the Phantom you liked it, I was like, eh, but you know, but I will not forget the Treat Williams and it's an interesting one. When you research it afterwards You're like, oh, I'm really sad it was not the movie it could have been Sure. Because we think about the Mummy, because we talked about the Mummy in relation to some other terrible movie I don't remember what it was.
Speaker 2:I think we do a bunch of it. I don't know, but maybe it was the. I don't know, but maybe was it. Uh, maybe it was the I don't know.
Speaker 1:There was something we watched this year that I literally went. Was it prince of persia? Oh it probably was prince of persia, because I'm not sure, because I immediately went and yeah, it was, absolutely was prince of persia. I immediately, yeah, after I finished or maybe during it, I had to watch some of the mummy just to understand what it is they're trying. You, you know that's you need to understand. Like this movie, we understand they're trying to do like an Indiana Jones thing and we're like, yeah, you missed on all.
Speaker 2:You missed on everything you didn't.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So the good news is this You'll feel the same way and you'll probably go watch the mummy again.
Speaker 1:But I would say instead watch National Treasure. Very silly movies. But you remember, you know, I've got Ben Franklin's glasses and I'm climbing up this wall and I'm pulling out this one brick and look inside. Here there's this rule.
Speaker 2:You're just like what are you talking about?
Speaker 1:You know they get to the end. We're like we hand crank down this thing and it's probably going to all fall down and kill everyone. But we're going and there's the bad guys. They're also running down the thing and that's National. Treasure it's great, phenomenally stupid movies Totally enjoyable.
Speaker 2:So fun, so so fun. And this movie was for 11 minutes, was not fun at all. It was zero fun. The dialogue makes no sense.
Speaker 1:I just I mean I'm excited to watch it because I was genuinely excited for this movie.
Speaker 2:I've been waiting for this movie. These are my kind of movies. National Treasure is great, the Mummy is great. I love these movies. This is not. This was not good for at least 11 minutes. I'm saying it could get better, but I just I really don't believe it.
Speaker 1:I was going to pick this movie sight unseen or just to give it a shot, because I was like this is going to be bad.
Speaker 2:It's not looking good.
Speaker 1:I did not like the Quiet Place ones, but I didn't think.
Speaker 2:John.
Speaker 1:Krasinski or anybody in those movies was bad.
Speaker 2:I just thought they were kind of dopey.
Speaker 1:It wasn't a bad movie. I just thought it was a dopey movie that you're just like, you watch when you're not feeling well and then it's over and you're like whatever.
Speaker 2:Sure, I mean, I liked the first one. We never ended up watching the sequel, so obviously I didn't love the first one. You know what I mean? Sure, uh, but I do, I do enjoy it. Um, I will tell you, just be warned, he is charmless in this movie, from what I saw, the first 11 minutes I know he could be charming, I know he can?
Speaker 2:we thought so too. We were, we were pretty sure. But then we're like trying to figure out if anything but the office fits that bill and we're not sure. Uh, but that was like the first thing that I got mad. We'll talk about it next week. But he does. He has the opening scene kind of, and it's so bad, it's so bad.
Speaker 1:I was living. You watched act one and you were like this is your act one.
Speaker 2:This can't be right.
Speaker 1:This can't be right, I'm so excited now, yeah, it's gonna be good excited now. Yeah, it's gonna be good. We're having a good time I have a good movie too, for 2023. That for, and it was. It was a movie that I also watched the first 10 minutes of when it came out and I was just like what is happening? What?
Speaker 1:is happening, yeah and it's one of those you know just not not to the name of these are like john carter, but they're these movies that people are like. You gotta give it another look and it's like well, no, well, no.
Speaker 2:No, I don't.
Speaker 1:We re-watched John Carter from top to bottom and no, it did not need another look. There was so much dopiness.
Speaker 2:So much dopiness, so much dopiness.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I love it We'll be back next week.
Speaker 1:Leave us a comment, leave us a subscribe, give us a thumbs up those are all things you can do to help grow the podcast.
Speaker 2:Slash show, slash show, yeah, do it everybody, and we'll be back next week with Fountain of Youth. Bye-bye, goodbye, everybody. Hey, watch it with Dan and Tony. Hey, watch it with Dan, and Tony't watching. Dan and Tony, it's ain't watching. Yeah.