Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching No Holds Barred: Bad Guys, Body Slams, and Bathroom Humor
Dan is out sick so we go back into the vaults to release one of our favorite episodes! Enjoy!
Professional wrestling blurs the lines between reality and entertainment, but 1989's "No Holds Barred" obliterates them completely. We journey into the bizarre world of Hulk Hogan's first starring film role and discover a movie that doesn't just feature wrestling—it creates an entire universe where wrestling is the world.
The premise seems straightforward: Hulk plays Rip, a wrestling superstar pursued by unscrupulous network executive Brill (Kurt Fuller) who creates his own violent wrestling program featuring the monstrous Zeus (Tiny Lister) after Rip rejects his blank check offer. But what unfolds is a baffling cinematic experience where normal societal rules don't apply, character motivations make no sense, and the primary trait identifying villains is their mistreatment of women.
We analyze the strange production choices throughout—from awkward ADR and slow fight choreography to confusing scene transitions and inexplicable character decisions. Yet amidst the chaos, certain moments achieve an accidental brilliance, like the infamous bathroom scene featuring a chained dog that provides one of the film's few genuine laughs. The movie culminates with Hulk essentially murdering two people on live television to audience applause, cementing our view that Rip might actually be the villain of his own story.
What makes "No Holds Barred" particularly fascinating is its behind-the-scenes story. Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan themselves reportedly rewrote the entire script over a brief period, explaining why Brill seems modeled after McMahon's own public persona. The result is a film that serves as both a bizarre cultural artifact and a cautionary tale about wrestling's difficult transition to conventional narrative filmmaking.
Whether you're a wrestling fan curious about this strange chapter in Hulkamania history or a bad movie enthusiast looking for your next bewildering watch, join us as we bodyslam this cinematic oddity and somehow find genuine entertainment in its spectacular failure.
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you're not wearing your wrestling gear.
Speaker 2:So no, I'm I'm heartbroken and ashamed, but my rip them t-shirt never came yeah, my uh, my uh, my uh. Hulk hogan hair and mustache did not come either man, this covet is messing up all of the good gimmicks. Hey watchin' With Dan and Tony. Hey watchin' With Dan and Tony, it's like watchin' yeah.
Speaker 1:Tony, are you ready To face down On the hate watchin' with Dan and Tony, where we watch no Holds Barred, with the one, the only, hulk Hogan, wwf, wwe Wrestler Greatest of All Times.
Speaker 2:I really felt that that kind of faded towards the end Faded, yeah, it started really strong and then it like turned into this weird like at the end it was great, I loved it. Yeah, it's great, I'm ready brother.
Speaker 1:That was Hollywood, dan Goodsell, by the way.
Speaker 2:Hollywood. Dan Goodsell coming in strong.
Speaker 1:Oh God, I'm ready to talk about this movie so yeah, this week we're doing no holds barred hulk hogan's first feature film where he is the lone star center stage. He's the guy. He's probably in at least 50 of the movie or maybe 40% of the movie.
Speaker 2:I think it's got to be closer to 40. And I was very confused by that.
Speaker 1:We're going to get into that. 1989, vince McMahon and Hulk get together. Hulk, his number one star at the time. I assume he had to have been, had to have been, yeah. So they're like okay movies. That's where the money is, and I'm I, I'm sure they, maybe I don't think they lost money on this, this thing supposedly they just made their money back with uh with all the like uh advertising fees and stuff it.
Speaker 2:At one point on one of the shows one of the wwf, I think at the time shows vince mcmahon made a joke uh, and said that hulk, if, if it didn't make the money back, hulk said he was going to do something and he was like I'm waiting.
Speaker 1:I'm waiting because we didn't make any money that a kind of interesting thing about this movie is when you sort of look into it deeper. No, but they don't really talk about it. There's not like this sort of you know bunch of information about this. Oh, I got to clean my glasses. It's really dirty.
Speaker 2:Oh no, sorry, you look like a schlub.
Speaker 1:If you're listening on the podcast, I just cleaned my glasses. Yeah, you'd think, with this being a major wrestling movie, there would be a lot more talk about it. But there, really isn't?
Speaker 2:This should be like a cult classic. I mean, it's probably not good enough to be a cult classic, but all signs point to it should have been a cult classic.
Speaker 1:I think. I mean reading some of the reviews. It seems like a lot of the wrestling kids at the time watched this movie and liked it.
Speaker 2:At the time but they don't talk about it now. Oh, really I hang out with a lot of wrestlers for the listeners and watchers. If you don't know, I do a show called Wrestling Pro Wrestling. Just putting that out there. Check it out. On Twitch Nobody talks about it.
Speaker 1:Who do you play on this wrestling? You're like Tugboat.
Speaker 2:Tony, I play a couple.
Speaker 1:Johnny Bowler, who are you?
Speaker 2:No, but that's great. I mean, you're just describing what I wear, I guess, because I wear a bowler hat for one of my characters. I play two characters. I play both a heel and a baby face. I am Uncle. Gary Tickles is my heel character. He's the owner and the owner and proprietor of Wrestling Pro Wrestling. And then I also play his twin brother, tony Tickles, which is the baby face who's there to kind of like was there to kind of save it. But now we, just right before we went oh great storylines, by the way right before we went on hiatus, tony tickles kind of stole a bunch of the wrestling pro wrestling characters and created his own wrestling community called pro wrestling pro. And now they're going to go. They were going head to head and then we had to shut down. But some really exciting stuff over there. Check it out.
Speaker 1:That's like a two minute ad for the show no, I mean we're, we're going to dig deep into your rest. You know you're the wrestling aficionado, so we, we have to.
Speaker 2:I regret now not bringing on, uh, a character by the name of Serial man, who he might literally murder me for saying this, but he may or may not have been slightly inspired by Hollywood Hulk Hogan and he's kind of like our big baby face. Our star is Serial man.
Speaker 1:So wait a second. Should I have him on the show? You're the star of the show, you're the guy that runs the show and you're the twin brother of the guy that runs the show. That's what you just said. You just said you're the star of the show, you're the guy that runs the show and you're the twin brother of the guy that runs the show. That's what you just said. You just said you're the star of the show.
Speaker 2:Serial man is a star of the show, isn't that you? Yes, not me, not me, no, no. This is like a legit wrestler. He also watches the show, so he's going to be super pissed at me.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh, you mean, you could have brought him on as a guest or something.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, we should have brought him on as a expert wrestler talker. That's not the words for it. Maybe I'll do like a follow-up and release it on on twitter or something maybe you will, so no holds barred.
Speaker 1:uh, this is a movie, it's an hour and 32 minutes, yeah, and basically it's Hulk Hogan. I don't know what to say about this movie.
Speaker 2:You don't. I have so many notes. This is the most notes I've ever written.
Speaker 1:There are three laughs in this movie.
Speaker 2:Wow Okay, disagree, but continue.
Speaker 1:And sadly the third laugh is at like 30-minute mark, so you got another hour to go without much. It gets emotional, it gets real.
Speaker 2:It gets gritty, Come on Dan.
Speaker 1:Does it get emotional? Does it get real Hulk?
Speaker 2:cries, he cries. I think he was really crying. It was pretty good.
Speaker 1:Oh, this damn bandana is falling off. Hat back on. So we start out. We meet Rip, who is played by Hulk Hogan, and Rip is wrestling Jake Mullock I guess no one I've ever heard of and Jesse, the body Ventura in weird gold dreads, is doing the commentating, which which he does not do enough, of which we're like, oh, this is moderately interesting, and then jesse's gone for the rest of the movie well, of course I I had a question about this opening scene.
Speaker 2:I don't, I mean there's no answer to it. It felt weird that some people were real and some people were not, and then some people were called themselves but were not playing themselves. Like it was this weird mishmash.
Speaker 2:I see what you're saying it was because jesse the body ventura was called jesse ventura, like they said, this is jesse, but that's not jesse. I've never seen jesse, even like they said, this is jesse, but that's not jesse. I've never seen jesse dressed like that. I don't believe that that was him at the time, I don't think. But then you know, you had like mean janine who was just playing himself, or mean gene, sorry, wrestling pro wrestling, but uh, mean gene the other comment, the other commentator guy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've heard of him but then they didn't use a real wrestler. I don't think that he was wrestling.
Speaker 1:Jake Bullock was the guy's name. I've never heard of him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know, I guess I could be wrong, but it just felt weird that some people, like the world, was very confused from the jump and that was. It was a rough start for me.
Speaker 1:So there's a whole uh wrestling scene. We also see that randy's got a younger brother. I mean, uh, rip's got a younger brother, randy, who is just this kid who, like, also has a friend and his friend has a girlfriend who they just kind of come in and out and don't really the lady is the other girl, I think, is his, his his, his friend's girlfriend, I believe.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the interesting thing about the wrestling is there's all these overdubs of them doing animal noises. There's no banter for the most part in the wrestling, it's just a lot of animal noises.
Speaker 2:And all of it was ADR. There's so much bad ADR in this movie, Like words are coming but people's lips aren't even moving and we're shooting behind people's heads so they're like, well, they won't even know that he's not really talking. It was bizarre to me.
Speaker 1:So I think in the middle of it we cut to the evil suit guys, which is Mr Brill, and then David Pamer and this other guy, and we will find that Brill is actually the main character in this movie. This movie is about him. And then we cut back and then there's a big. Then we finish the fight and there's a sleeper hold which was about the weakest.
Speaker 2:You are really going through this intro. This intro sets up a lot of stuff that doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:So we need to slow your roll. Well, the evil suits are. There's more suits at the end. We'll talk about that.
Speaker 2:Okay, Okay we can. We'll circle back to the suits.
Speaker 1:So so the the fight sort of finishes, oh finishes, with the big foot, hulk, hulk, foots, foots, jake in the face, and that's sort of the end, but there's a sleeper hold and then there's a big foot and that's sort of the end of the wrestling. The wrestling seemed really weak to me. It seemed very undynamic and very sloppy. I mean, it felt like you should have been shooting it from a quarter mile away. But they were shooting it from like five inches away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's weird because obviously Hulk great wrestler dynamic in the ring two things like really stood out to me in the intro of this movie, maybe three. One hulk acting like a wrestler is so much worse than hulk being a wrestler on the show that it threw me for a loop.
Speaker 2:He can't even pretend to be a different wrestler. It was very confused. Like his rip stuff was really bad. He's like rip, I'm rip, rip's gonna get a rip like, but it wasn't. It wasn't like Hulk. Like Hollywood Hulk Hogan is is dynamic in the ring, he's so good, he's great on the mic, but his rip character is just blah. So I was very confused on that, how he couldn't play a wrestler even though he is a wrestler. Very strange to me.
Speaker 2:And second is the wrestling itself was all bad. It was mediocre, slow, paced, like there was nothing exciting about it and I was like we should be able to at least do quick enough cuts that we don't see how slow Hulk really is. Like it's weird when you're far back and watching it from the ring in real life I feel like it's not as apparent, but when you're up close and you're like in the action, it just really feels like a slog yeah, because when he puts him in the sleeper hold whoever gets put in the sleeper hold you're just like the guy's just moving around, he's like not even, it's not even held he's just, I'm choosing to stay in this position because I understand that this is what is supposed to be happening now, and so you, just you don't feel any.
Speaker 1:I don't know if jeopardy is right word, but you don't feel like anything's actually going on.
Speaker 2:Which is interesting because I'm pretty sure and you can tell me if I'm wrong here but I got the strong sense that they are saying that wrestling is real in this movie.
Speaker 1:Hmm, I don't know. You know I've worried about that when I was a kid and then once I watched wrestling, you realize it's just entertainment and so you don't sort of, it's a beautiful dance.
Speaker 2:It's this beautiful mix of choreography and making it up on the spot, improvisation. It's awesome. But this movie to me made it seem like they were saying it's real, which is fine, like I'm OK with that. It just, it was just weird to me.
Speaker 1:I'm just glad, actually, I'm glad they didn't get into it really, because that would have bogged down the whole thought process of the movie, which there's not. A lot of thought process. No, there's not In the movie. So then we go back to the evil suits and Brill does a whole thing where he's like we're last in the ratings again, you know, and does a whole thing where somehow the only show that matters is Rip's wrestling, which isn't even a show. It's not.
Speaker 2:Yes exactly, it is not even a show.
Speaker 1:It's just sort of Rip wrestling shows up on television at one hour a night or one hour a week, and this is somehow the only thing that's important to a network. He yells at everybody because they say what about a new game show? What about a new?
Speaker 2:soap opera. So let's talk about this scene, because nothing in this scene makes any sense to me. First of all, did you catch the backstory that he gave himself this Braille guy?
Speaker 1:He just got into the job, like two months ago or something.
Speaker 2:No, he didn't put a number on it. Some months ago is what he said when I took over the network some months ago and I was like what? That's the laziest writing I've ever heard in my life. At some point I took over and now you're up to speed, thanks guys. At some point I took over and now you're up to speed, thanks guys. But what doesn't make any sense to me is that he's not not only is Hulk's show not a show, but he's not pitching a show. He's just saying we need this guy on our network. Yeah, that doesn't really make sense to me. No, Like it doesn't. Well, I don't know, it's so weird, like it doesn't.
Speaker 1:I don't know it's so weird. Well, the one thing I did read about this movie was that they had the script and Vince was like this script is garbage. And so he and Hulk went out into a cabin somewhere and rewrote the whole script.
Speaker 2:They Tarantino'd the script. Yeah, they went and locked themselves.
Speaker 1:They locked themselves. I don't know if it was a cabin, but yeah, they locked themselves away somewhere for a weekend or maybe a week, I don't know, maybe two days or like a night or a night. And so that's why when you watch this movie, it's like the bad guy Brill is Vince McMahon, and so Vince, you know, so you can tell that Vince is like, this is the character. You know, he's evil, like me. He only cares about ratings, like me, you know it's, there's a very much a like me. So if you look at it from that point of view, he's like. Because there was a. There were competing wrestling shows. Right for sure, wwf was always competing with the, not the undertaker, but the crow guy, whoever that white-faced guy was. I always remember there was sure, oh, goldberg okay, is he an?
Speaker 1:actor now is, he aren't they all actors now but I mean, I was watching, like some csi or whatever show and I was like, is that goldberg?
Speaker 2:like I would say for sure. He was in a commercial like a year or two ago, so he's definitely acting okay, so I I think that's what the whole thing is is he's.
Speaker 1:This is the dynamic that he lives in, and so he wants to see that dynamic somehow reflected, you know, as opposed to, you know, having a secondary wrestling syndicate that he's in charge of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, whatever yeah, yeah, no, he had no show. All right, let's keep going so then we have.
Speaker 1:Then we were at the next morning, I guess, and oh no, what's it? I guess, we, I guess. Then we go to the next morning where we have another meeting. So we have that meeting. Then we have another meeting right the next day where they're supposed to bring in things. Then we do the sitcom idea and he yells at them which what?
Speaker 2:Oh, no, no, Finish your sentence, because it's about that.
Speaker 1:He abuses the woman, which we see. That the way that this movie shows us that someone is bad is they are horribly abusive towards women.
Speaker 2:Yes, that is the one defining characteristic that all of the bad people in this movie have. What is that about Dan? That was so off-putting.
Speaker 1:Yes, there's like maybe three times in the movie where, like you know, someone literally really abuses a woman and you're like they're bad he hits her, makes them cry, like, almost rapes them, which we'll talk about at some point.
Speaker 2:I'm sure it's bananas, like why, how is that the? I don't know. It's very weird. But having said that, if somebody pitched me a sitcom with Rip, I would also yell at them and tell them it's a terrible idea and you should get out.
Speaker 1:And so they're World Television Network.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's right. The best television name ever, the world television really sloppy logo.
Speaker 1:It's just just just wonderful. And so, of course, uh, brill is like what's his price?
Speaker 2:because you know, everything is is about money right and hulk apparently has this uh high morality because he won't budge. Other people have asked him, but he's a man of his word.
Speaker 1:It's not a word we ever see, not a word we understand. We'll get to that in the next one. So then we see, I think he gets picked up by a limo. Does he get picked up by a limo? Something happens.
Speaker 2:Yes, Well, because he comes to a meeting now right, we don't know that. He's just like Sorry, sorry.
Speaker 1:We don't even know, but Rip is being ushered off somewhere, I think in a limo, and then he gets to the place and there's like or maybe he drives his own car, I don't remember, and they let him out and there's like the guy that takes your car, the valetet, and he's like yo rip and rips like yo valet.
Speaker 2:You know it doesn't say anything, but you could tell that he's a man of the people, the people yes, he is beloved, and so he ends up.
Speaker 1:He's in brill's office, which is not set up at all, just like boom. Brill didn't set up this meeting, no one set up this meeting.
Speaker 2:But lo and behold, hulk is in a meeting with brill, which is so confusing because he also then says he's not interested. Yeah, when brill like is like hey, you want to do this, he's like no, I'll never do it. It's like what? Why are you here? How did you get? Who motivated you to get into this office? You have no interest in being there, but you came there seemingly of your own accord. I don't.
Speaker 1:It doesn't make any sense and, and you know they and brill is such a jerk. He keeps on sort of doing things to almost set hulk off until he sets hulk off right.
Speaker 2:So this is like a theme. This happens several times throughout the movie where much smaller people antagonize the hulk by like pushing him and hitting him. If I was in front of Rip, I would never do anything to upset him. That guy could tear you in half without a problem. It's very weird to me.
Speaker 1:I was going to say that earlier. There's one point in the ring at the first one, where you like see Hulk and you're just like, this guy is gigantic. He is just, you know, bald, with the crazy hair but the giant mustache, but he he is, you know. There's other wrestlers that are bigger. What's the big show? That guy is as big as a mountain, but Hulk is, he's in the top end, I think. Right, oh, 100%.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why he's a mega star. That's why he's a megastar.
Speaker 1:That's why he's a megastar. So he gives him the blank check. Rip says no and you got to this point where you're like Rip. Please say one line as to why you're saying no to like this. It's a blank check. He can write $75 million. He can write $1 billion on there.
Speaker 2:But there's no rationale. He could literally take a huge chunk of money, pay off his other contract and then still walk out with like $20 million in his pocket.
Speaker 1:But he doesn't even say that.
Speaker 2:He doesn't say he has a contract.
Speaker 1:He doesn't say he has a contract. He doesn't say you're an asshole, I don't want to work for you. He doesn't say you know our organization helps orphans, which it does later.
Speaker 2:He doesn't tell us anything he just says no, not interested, no.
Speaker 1:And then we have one of the great lines of the movie. Brill says you jock ass.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, I wrote that down it's. He says it a couple times unlike not to bring it back down the moves, but unlike stealth, where they had that great one-liner, never brought it back. Like he says jock ass. A couple of times I was like, yes, I am using this for my life. Yeah, jock ass.
Speaker 1:And so good, hulk gets mad and stuffs the check in his mouth.
Speaker 2:Which is, you know, telegraphed a mile away. But it took too long to happen because he grabbed him first and I was like just put it in his mouth. We know you're going to do it, Just do it.
Speaker 1:So talk about the limo ride, Tony. Oh my God. So I have questions, dan, again about how cars are made. So I think they're made in in detroit and japan, not?
Speaker 2:not where they're made. I, structurally, I don't understand. When he's kicking the door, yeah right, and then we cut to the outside Dense, but it's like very pointed shaped dense. It's not like the door is coming out just at an angle because he's smashing it. It's as if his foot is making impressions against the actual door itself. Yes, which? That's where I get confused on how doors are made, because I feel like there's some layers in between that would make it more of just a bowing. That would happen.
Speaker 1:Well, I guess I don't know. Yeah, remember, a door is it's two pieces there's the outside metal and then there's plastic inside and then the windows the windows in the middle going up and down with a bunch of mechanisms and things like that. The window's in the middle going up and down with a bunch of mechanisms and things like that. So, yeah, you'd have to crack all that plastic and get through all that to start actually denting the outside door and probably shatter the window, I would imagine as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would think so, yeah, so anyhow. So sorry, that was a tangent. What my problem is is that this is the first but not the last time that we see our hero completely lose his frickin mind Like he is. He is belligerent, he's violent and he's just just totally off the rails, and I was like I don't want to root for this guy.
Speaker 1:Oh, nuts, you turn to get Well. So basically they're going through, they're driving crazily through the streets, the limo driver and so Rip is in the back, falling apart, and then he starts kicking everything, trying to kick out the windows, and then it launches into this. What?
Speaker 2:Well, so the problem I mean again back to how cars are made. Why is the limo driving so crazy? No reason, because he's just kicking, like the sides mostly, but the driver is like jerking all over the road and running into stuff and I was like I don't understand what he's affected by, I don't know what's happening right now. He's just driving crazy.
Speaker 1:He's trying to keep rip off of his game.
Speaker 2:That's so. He's swerving to try to keep them off balance, so he can't bust out the limo. Exactly, duh.
Speaker 1:So they launch into this abandoned warehouse area which they scouted a lot of abandoned warehouses and turned them into a lot of weird things for this movie. And there lying in wait are three more guys and we get just this great grunting, laughing. He picks it One of the guys up by his hair at one point, which I liked. I liked that a lot, I thought that was good. And there's just this battle by the limo. How did you feel about that battle by the limo?
Speaker 2:There were moments of fun, but again a lot of it was just kind of slower. Like these guys are much smaller than rip right, so theoretically they'd be able to move a little bit. Get out of the way, like he's swinging real slow. You know, I feel like I could get out of the way and I'm not super agile. I just feel like you just kind of do one of these and it swings by you. I don't know. So it's just I don't know if he was slowing it down for the camera. You know, kind of like Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee had to do, they had to slow down their moves a little Okay, sure so the camera could catch his action.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's what he was doing, because he's so fast. Yeah, he's so fast.
Speaker 2:I don't know. He just feels sluggish through the whole movie. I know he's not, he's a big guy, so he's moving slower, but it's just, I don't know. Do something in the editing to make it feel a little more dynamic, because it's very slow, fighting for me. And then he dunks the guy into the sunroof and the guy's just laying there like he's injured. But he just picked him up and set him in and I was like just crawl out, you're fine guy.
Speaker 1:I don't know. So eventually he drags the limo driver who's just been sitting in there out and here we get the first big laugh of the movie. He holds him and Rip goes what's that smell? And the guy goes dookie, dookie. I left my ass off. I thought that was really. Oh, I absolutely left my ass off. I did not. He says dookie, and I just barely understood it.
Speaker 1:It was okay because there was like a note, maybe there was music or something, but I was, was like he's, like he just said, dookie, that's so stupid? I'm on board with this. You're on board with this. I'm like we finally reached the point where I want to be with this movie, where it's like Dookie jokes, but of course there was all this grunting and weird laughing that was dubbed in, which was just horrible.
Speaker 2:So, okay, a couple of things On Dookie really quickly. I think you have to make a choice, because this movie has very little comedic anything and then you go all the way to a guy screaming Dookie. Like that's a big jump for me and I'm like okay, if that's the track we go on the rest of the movie, I'm okay with it. But that was really the only joke of the movie, because it's so I don't know. So I just felt like it was super out of place and I did not end up laughing until much later when the movie was over and I was recanting tales with my wife and I was like, okay, like, okay. No, I do like it. I just wish there was more ridiculous humor in the movie to justify it sure, uh, it's just a good line that everyone remembers.
Speaker 1:So we we go meet, uh Rip's agents. He didn't have his agent with him when he went to see Brill, but who knows?
Speaker 2:and he didn't have lawyers, he didn't have any team representation, he was just he's fine we meet samantha.
Speaker 1:Who's this? Uh, kelly the brock light.
Speaker 2:I wrote and that's mean I know she was very attractive.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, it's very pretty green dress at the end. Um, so they, they, I don't know. They talk about stuff more merchandising, more this. And then he asked does he ask her out to dinner? Does she ask him?
Speaker 2:she, she asked him so let's first of all, let's backtrack because, if you remember, from the last scene, I'm kind of out on on rip because he's deranged. Now I they've doubled down and made him the creepiest man on the face of the planet, which is a weird. It's a weird scene for me because, like we said, the movie depicts the villains as abusing women. Sure, but rip is so creepy in the scene staring at this business woman. He's in a business meeting and he's like he's got his thumb in his mouth. At one point 's like I was like what is happening? This is so inappropriate and I'm I'm 100 anti-rip in almost the entire movie so she says dinner, dot dot dot, dressy because he dresses like a wrestler in his normal day life, which, which is very strange to me.
Speaker 1:So we get to the dinner place. It starts off with this big church-looking stained glass window and I'm like is this church? Are we at church? That's what.
Speaker 2:I thought too.
Speaker 1:There's a harp player and then we get down and we find out that this is their dinner date, so they get. Fancy restaurant, fancy restaurant. They get seated by the. Really this is their dinner date, so they they get fancy restaurant. Getting fancy restaurant.
Speaker 2:They get seated by the really obnoxious french waiter we're missing the the glory that is hulk hogan's outfit suit. He's dressed like an angel. He's all white with his white hair, like he is. He is the epitome of good. That's what I got out of this. It's like this guy's as good as it gets be on board, and I'm not.
Speaker 1:Obviously I don't like him, uh, but it's a ridiculous outfit so the waiter is a total jerk and he's jerky, and he's jerky. And then the bus boy comes over and then the bus boy leaves and goes and gets the waiter not the waiter, this the head chef, who comes oh head chef?
Speaker 1:who comes out there and, lo and behold, we find out. Oh she, I think she says a couple obnoxious things. Oh yeah, like, like, rip couldn't order off of the menu because he's too stupid yes, everyone was ragging on him because he, the american, doesn't understand yada, yada, yada.
Speaker 2:And then you know, oh, guess what? Not only does he understand, he speaks French and has been to this restaurant many times.
Speaker 1:And he asks for the usual.
Speaker 2:The usual. So is his waiter new? Is he new to?
Speaker 1:the restaurant. They did say he was new.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:They did drop a line in there that the chef was like oh, you're new here, you do not know. Rip yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't know man. This doesn't make any sense. Also, their accents are all terrible.
Speaker 1:Once again we're seeing that Rip is a man of the people.
Speaker 2:But he's a man of the world people, not just America. He's beloved.
Speaker 1:So now, somehow, now we're back to Brill, of course, because he's the movie's about and they, they have gone to this weird horrifying bar, him and his two assistants, and the bar is, there's wrestling there, there's just all sorts of stuff. Why did I write guy from Big Trouble? Just all sorts of stuff I wrote. Why did I write guy from big trouble? Oh the, the guy that was the star of big trouble and little China was at one of the other tables and did a couple of gag things and then disappeared.
Speaker 1:Oh really, yeah, the Asian, the Asian guy that was the counterpart. He was at one of the other tables and there was like a gag with a woman and then he's gone and you're just like, oh okay, and so there's wrestling going on and there's this obnoxious waitress woman and there's a little person who's in a cage dressed as like a drum majorette and he's throwing peanuts down into their drinks. This is the second laugh of the movie for me. I thought that was Not that it's a little person in the cage, but that he's sitting up there throwing peanuts into their drinks is just so insane.
Speaker 2:It's like it's crazy. This whole scene is the craziest thing I've ever seen. I don't understand. Okay, I have a lot of questions about this scene, dan. First, and most importantly to me, where does this movie take place? Los Angeles, okay, that's what I thought as well. Yeah, but every single person in this bar and all of, like, the lower status people of this movie have like super hick southern accents and like disgusting, as if they're hill, like these crazy hill people. Sunland Is that a town in California? Sunland? I guess I'm taking a trip this weekend because I got to know what this reference means.
Speaker 1:Don't go to Sunland.
Speaker 2:I have to go to Sunland.
Speaker 1:I don't know I'm being disparaging of the people in Sunland.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I did not understand where they went for this wrestling match. I have no idea where this bar is. As far as I can tell it, it lives in some like weird david fincher universe that is parallel, I don't know. Super weird. And then the waitress, her gag is like that weird mucus thing that she what, what?
Speaker 2:is happening there whose choice was that. I might believe that this actress went to to work the first day and was like guys, do you mind if I do a really funny bit with my nose, and just the whole time? Or might I believe Vince McMahon was like hey, sweetheart, why don't you give me one of? I don't know? I was so taken aback.
Speaker 1:We probably need to track down the script, but that's for another day. So now we're going to get the my favorite part of the movie and my third laugh of the movie, and then this is about 30 minute mark and that's when this movie ends for me. Oh wow. So the two assistant bills. Two assistants have to go to the bathroom, so they walk over and they say your laugh oh god, yes, I love this part. So bad. It was so, so good, so they're like I gotta drain the lizard and whatever, so the bathroom.
Speaker 2:He's trying to fit in with the people.
Speaker 1:He's trying to fit in with the people. So I went and I made a special list of the bathroom. This is a 27-minute mark. Leave the lizard so they go into this dirty, disgusting bathroom. The first joke is spray paint on the outside is vd room vd room.
Speaker 2:What I can't believe. You laughed at that dan greatest joke.
Speaker 1:Ever so good it's so good.
Speaker 1:So it also that's how they're going in and it has those plastic strips. You know, like where it's a it's. You have to push through the plastic strips, which is so gross, so gross. And then they get in and there's three urinals. One of them is filled with liquid to the brim and there's pools of stuff on top of it like mold growing, and there's like a beer can in there too. And then we get to the best part of the whole movie. Chained up in the back of the bedroom is a dog and the tech dog that growls at them yeah, yep, all of that happened.
Speaker 1:I can't believe you like that so much. It was so funny. Oh my god, it was so funny and then nothing else in the movie was funny.
Speaker 2:So here's what's interesting about this scene is I thought what you were going to laugh at was the tiny Wang joke that comes up.
Speaker 1:That was dumb. No, you just like the setup of the room, the setup of the room, because it felt authentic. It felt like some place that you could end up going into. Because, like, if you looked at all the graffiti, I'm like pretty sure that place was real I yeah, for sure I'm not convinced that the set decorators were like okay, we're doing all this because the graffiti looked very real.
Speaker 1:It looked like some place that you would. You know, I used to go to punk rock clubs way back in the day in the 80s and you would walk in places and you just be like I do not want to touch anything right now I gotta turn around very, very bad. So the big brutish guy comes out and is gonna like dunk their heads in the toilet, and he doesn't do it because they have tiny uh dicks yeah, teeny, teeny wang. Teeny wang.
Speaker 2:That's the part that I laughed at. That's fair.
Speaker 1:VD-Ru, and so anything else to say about this situation.
Speaker 2:I did not like that scene at all. I was so viscerally upset by the way it looked. I spent the scene like this.
Speaker 1:There it is's that's funny.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I mean, they did a great job.
Speaker 1:They really let me feel it so now we have the announcement of the battle of the tough guys. Where did they do the announcement of the? Did they do it out?
Speaker 2:so zeus comes in no, that's later.
Speaker 1:He's not there yet.
Speaker 2:Oh really, yeah, yeah oh, that's at the battle of the tough guys.
Speaker 1:So he was he and oh, he announces it outside. So we're out now.
Speaker 2:We're outside of the bar later, that's yes they do like a transition where the guy's like who's gonna watch this, or something like that, and then they cut to him making the announcement at a press rally battle the tough guys.
Speaker 1:We see the bars. In the background there's's this big beautiful neon sign. If you look at that sign, I looked at it again. It's gorgeous, it's like it's beautiful. You're like oh my God, they spent money on that sign.
Speaker 2:I got to get a neon sign.
Speaker 1:And so then we go inside and so we're having Battle of the Tough Guys $100,000. We're trying to find the toughest guy, which I thought it was going to be. You know, at the end of the series you get the a hundred thousand, but they give Zeus the a hundred thousand at the very first one.
Speaker 2:So this is my question Cause. Then he continues to battle, so the show is still going on. Does he get a hundred K every?
Speaker 1:week Not clear, but the the implication was yes, he gets a hundred K each week.
Speaker 2:Like every time you, you get 100K. That's unbelievable, it's great, it's great. That's so much money.
Speaker 1:Oh, the no-count bar which I liked, and it's an octagon which it might be new to professional wrestling.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when did the UFC start? When was the octagon? I don't know.
Speaker 1:There's a movie called the octagon from the eighties, maybe from the seventies, I remember when I was a kid.
Speaker 1:So the octagon, I think, was always sort of a mixed martial arts sort of thing that had existed. You know, it's like a Thailand kind of thing, I think I, you know, sure, we kind of thing. I think you know we could be proven wrong, but my understanding, my cursory understanding, so then we, you know, so Brill, walks through there and meets some of the guys, and then we have one guy who's called Bulldog McPherson who slaps his own head. And I thought of you, tony, you thought of me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he looked a little like you.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's so kind of you. I was rooting for him the whole time.
Speaker 1:So then we have All 10 seconds, we have a big battle, and so guys just start wrestling and fighting.
Speaker 2:So I need to talk about the general setup of this quote-unquote show. Yeah, first of all, battle the Tough Guy's terrible name. I don't know what boredom approved that, but they should all be fired. There's no referee Nope. There's no rules Nope. How did they get approval to do this from a network television show?
Speaker 1:Well, they're in charge Brill's in charge of the network.
Speaker 2:That's just not so. He's in charge of the network.
Speaker 1:That's just not so he's in charge of the network sure where are like the ratings people?
Speaker 2:where are the? Where's like the approval process? We are not in a post-apocalyptic world where you could just kill people, sure no don't say yes, because we haven't seen that. They haven't shown me a world. But this would be okay, that's this world there's no stop saying that this is the world, this is the world where those things occur you can do anything in this world.
Speaker 1:You can assault people, as we will see. And no, this is, this is no repercussions world kind of like wrestling. Are there real repercussions in wrestling? Does anybody ever actually die except triple h?
Speaker 2:I mean, yes, didn't. Uh, one of the hearts died too right. A lot of wrestlers die, yeah, like they die all the time anyhow but nobody goes.
Speaker 1:But vincent van doesn't go to jail for wrestlers dying no one really does, do they? No, because you, you know, you yeah I mean, it is what it is. It's one of those, it's a culture, right, you know, and it's like you can't really turn on the culture.
Speaker 2:I mean you can leave the culture, but you can't turn on it, because that's an interesting point that this whole movie is a wrestling world as opposed to wrestling being in the world. No, wrestling is the world. I didn't think about it like that, yeah.
Speaker 1:Not to be facetious, but it is. This whole thing is kind of a reflection on how that you know how that world works and where there aren't, you know. It's like you can come up behind a guy with a chair and beat him over the head with it and there are no repercussions. If you know he can't, he's not gonna sue you or take you to court or anything and this thing. People are put in the hospital and you know they're dead.
Speaker 2:People are dead before this movie's over, but we'll keep going oh yeah, sort of so then.
Speaker 1:so they're battling and then zeus comes, breaks down the door, I think, and then he comes in and it's tiny lister who's not a wrestler, who's like an actor, and he I did not know this about him he played Zeebo in Friday. I guess I didn't remember that, and he is so good in Friday. As I remember it, I haven't seen it in years.
Speaker 2:He is terrible in this In his defense. Everyone is terrible in this movie. I don't think there's a single redeeming actor in this movie, is there?
Speaker 1:that dog in the bathroom. That dog in the bathroom I love that dog.
Speaker 2:That dog killed me it killed me.
Speaker 1:That just killed that dog killed me. It was so great. He's like there's like this there's like this line and then he's chained to the line. I think think he's a boxer. I do love boxers Boxers usually not violent dogs. But if a boxer wants to kill you, you will die.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, they're pound for pound.
Speaker 1:They are fierce animals. Boxer is one muscle as much as pit bulls. So Zeus comes in and just I wrote down hurts a woman. Does he hurt a woman? He must have hurt a woman. Does he hurt a woman? He must've hurt a woman.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he literally grabs her by, like I thought he was going to pop her head. He grabs her and like, lifts her up and then throws her down the stairs, and then I was like, oh okay, he's the bad guy Got it, which is so infuriating.
Speaker 1:So somehow they're watching it in Rip's mansion, which, I bet you, that mansion was Hulk Hogan's mansion at the time I would buy that those are the questions I wanted answered about this movie. It's like this is Hulk Hogan's. I want to know where these locations were. I would like to know more information. Where is that bathroom so I can go visit it?
Speaker 2:I need to go right now.
Speaker 1:So one of them said either the brother or the friend says you could take this guy as Zeus is like mopping up the floor with whoever's in there.
Speaker 2:Which is another thing to me. That signifies that they're saying that wrestling is real in this world, and it's important to notate this only for otherwise the Hulk shouldn't even be involved in this thing, because this is a fight club. What Brill has created is just a televised fight club.
Speaker 1:I think we have the answer to your question, which is the next line that comes out of his trainer. He says about Zeus he killed some kid in the ring. Wait and wait for it. The bell? Yeah. So you have to. So if he did, if zeus had killed someone in the ring in before, before the bell thumbs up.
Speaker 2:You know, totally fine, don't worry about part of the situation.
Speaker 1:You died. You died, tough luck. What are you doing? You should. You should have gotten out of the ring before you died, but if you kill, him after the ring, then it's a problem, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, the bell, the bell is. The is the thing. You gotta do it before the bell bell rings. You're done, all right, oh god.
Speaker 1:And then I also wrote tear out hair. Did. Did zeus tear out some guy's hair?
Speaker 2:yeah, the guy on the ground. He just scalped him a little bit, which is so it's such a weird and he like presents it to brills camp as if, like it's a trophy, I don't know, it's weird, nice he should.
Speaker 1:He should have like these scalps, he should have like a belt of scalps. That's it. You should do that in your, in your wrestling thing belt of scalp, okay and then you like tear off the scalps and it's like, do they ever do any like really bloody wrestling where there's all sorts of blood um appliances?
Speaker 2:it. Do you mean in my wrestling? Yeah, oh no. No, we're, we're like a, we're a wrestling comedy show squeaky clean but I do. I have a, a guy acquaintance. I was I'm kind of friends with him who used to do like backyard wrestling. His name, uh, sick nick mondo, pretty famous, but like he like one one one of his matches he took a weed whacker to the chest and like it's, it's gruesome, it. It's tough to watch, but that stuff exists.
Speaker 1:They're not gags. It's very scary. They're actually bloody. Yes, I was like doing like you know, you mean jokes like joke gags you know where, like oh you know you have. You're wearing a bald cap and then there's blood on there and they sculpture the bloods everywhere.
Speaker 2:Yes, we do things like that, but in a ridiculous way. We had a monster get decapitated. We do a lot of costumes, a lot of monster building, and one of the monsters tore up, got his head torn off and then his spine was out. It's pretty cool. Okay, it's dope See that's good.
Speaker 1:So we're back to Brill and his office. They're number one in the time slot with Battle of the Tough Guys and he's got the telegrams to show it.
Speaker 2:I don't. I'm confused. It doesn't even really matter, because who Is it? The same time slot as the Hulk's show. Did they switch time slots?
Speaker 1:It can't be because Hulk's at home watching the show all his life.
Speaker 2:So what time slot? Why does it even matter? He's not even technically beating Rip, he's just like number one in a time slot. So I don't understand what's happening. But it's fine, it's all fine.
Speaker 1:So then we go to week two of the battle, and this one occurs in a foundry, and there's all these good word, all these uh metal workers, and then the guy he's fighting is going to fire. There's fire, he's fighting the guy lug wrench, or maybe I made that up, or maybe they called him that and he has I hope they did though he's got a big metal tool weapons, so weapons allow are allowed there's no rule.
Speaker 2:People are dying in this ring, dan for sure it's. There's no doubt in my mind that people are dead I don't remember.
Speaker 1:So it was. Was there anything interesting in that battle? I don't really remember. I didn't write down anything, of course not, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:Uh, this is just. This is the only note that I wrote here was so does he get 100k every time he wins? That's, that was the only thing I took away from this scene, is they never mentioned whether or not he was getting 100k again yeah, I mean, I wanted to know.
Speaker 1:Like, looking back now we see that hulk wrestled in the very first scene.
Speaker 2:And he has not wrestled since. He hasn't done anything since then. He went on a date that was pretty bad. He's barely in this movie. There's no build up to his character to get to the final battle. We're following the wrong people through the movie.
Speaker 1:So Zeus has had two matches which he's won unequivocally, and Hulk's had one.
Speaker 2:So and Zeus didn't even come in till like the 20 minute mark or maybe even more, 30 minutes I think you said it was when the bathroom was right. Yes, 27 minutes. So he's done more in the latter half of this movie than Hulk does the entire time.
Speaker 1:So I wrote hogan trip. I don't know what that means. Did they go on a trip? Because they end up at a diner. What happened before the diner? They end up in this, this diner, where it's a woman that hogan's like oh, I'm gonna take you on a trip maybe.
Speaker 1:And he, he takes her off, takes a, yeah the manager woman how they got there and they end up at this diner, which, of course, I'm gonna take you someplace really nice, and it's just this piece of shit diner like that felt like a set diner food.
Speaker 2:I love diner food, so like I'm okay with it.
Speaker 1:But to call it to like build it up is probably he does a whole build up and he's wearing, like the, his baby blues, which is the shirt that I want.
Speaker 2:It's a baby blue shirt and it says Rip them, it's in the mail, guys.
Speaker 1:Of course, at this point robbers show up, two robbers with guns and they're like everybody get on the floor. And Rip's like oh no, Rip says everybody get on the floor and Rip beats the hell out of them.
Speaker 2:Which is my biggest problem with this scene is Rip literally tips off the bad guys that he's about to fight them Because he just yells to the whole restaurant. Everybody hit the floor and then the bad guys aren't still paying attention. One of them gets hit with a stool. If you are robbing a place and you have a gun and somebody screams, my first reaction would be to look directly at him and possibly shoot him. Yeah, so terrible robbers for the first, like they're the worst robbers in the world.
Speaker 1:And there's a lot of pies thrown.
Speaker 2:He just throws pie after pie. He literally destroys all of the food in this restaurant and just mangles the whole place.
Speaker 1:He destroys the entire restaurant and saves the you know $27 in the register and risks the lives of everyone there.
Speaker 2:Everyone's dead In the real world. Everyone has been shot because those bad guys just started firing their guns right and he caused I would say conservatively like $50 thousand dollars in damages to this restaurant. Like the restaurant needs to be rebuilt at this point. He's breaking things, he's destroying the walls and then everybody claps because he saved which is because he's, which is the second.
Speaker 2:There's a second time at the end, we'll. We'll get to that as well, where they clap and they should like. This guy is a villain, dan. He's this movie in my mind. He is a villain in this movie.
Speaker 1:Here are the people. So, oh, that's why they went on this trip. I don't know why they were on a trip, but that sets up. They have to stay in the motel. There's only one motel room, so he and the agent have to stay there together. He sets up this is a great scene. No, it's not. This scene is so dreadful. He sets up the curtain between them where it's like one side or the other. What movie is that from? Tony? Oh, no, I have no idea it's totally ripped off from this old Clark Gable film.
Speaker 1:You think I've seen a Clark Gable movie? No, I don't think you've seen a Clark Gable film. You think I've seen a Clark Gable movie? No, I don't think you've seen a Clark Gable movie. What am I, 80 years old, I can't think of the name now, but they did the exact same thing. So that bit's ripped off, so it's a recycled bit, and so he's like he's listening at the door to her, she's listening at the door to him. We get this nice shot of his ass.
Speaker 2:Hold on, you are getting no slow down, because that reveal was my biggest laugh of the movie. His ass, His well. Sure, but the reason why we see his ass, do you remember why?
Speaker 1:Cause the camera operators in love with his ass? I don't know. Maybe we're talking about different shots but it's after they're like in bed and she wakes up and the bed is shaking.
Speaker 2:No, there's another shot of his ass before that. Okay, let's wait until we get to mine, because it's amazing.
Speaker 1:So they go to bed and then she's laying there and we hear this and the whole bed is moving and we're like he's jerking off or he's having sex with God only knows what.
Speaker 2:He's not a woman in there, Inanimate objects probably.
Speaker 1:Tell them what is really going on, Tony.
Speaker 2:He's. So she is. She's curious. First of all, it's so weird to me, like if you wake up and there's a giant, I'm trying to put myself in a woman's shoes and I'm in a bed, slightly uncomfortable, and I wake up and the whole bed is shaking after I just kind of rejected this dude and I'm like, oh, I think he's jerking off. I'm either running out the fricking door.
Speaker 1:She can't cause. He's on the door side, so she's going to she's going to.
Speaker 2:I'm going to cower in the corner and pray to god that nothing bad happens, but instead she's curious and like, slowly, she like wants to see this guy's d which understandably, because they showcase it a lot in this movie without ever showing it.
Speaker 2:That's true, but they're like they want you to know that hulk's package is pretty great. So she peeks behind the curtain and it turns out that he is doing the world's fastest push-ups, because to get the bed to shake that way and his breathing was like like there's no way he's doing push-ups that fast he's.
Speaker 1:He's doing push-ups with his feet up on the bed.
Speaker 2:That makes him harder. It's a great move. It's a great move so then you get so anyhow you get the, the curtain pulls back and you just see his butt, perfectly clenched like, just you know, solid as a rock there, dan, and he peeks up, peeks over his butt to her. I don't remember what he even says, but some sort of witty line. And it's amazing, it's a great scene.
Speaker 1:So he finishes and then he's like now I'm going to jump in the bed. So he jumps to the bed and destroys the bed and she rolls over on top of him and she's like I'm not like one of your ditzy groupies, which, of course, we have seen. No ditzy groupies.
Speaker 2:That would have been fun. He's not a ladies' man, he's not. I don't know.
Speaker 1:that has no bearing to me whatsoever and then I I don't really remember what happens then um he, he gets all huffy, he gets defensive and he, he storms out of the room.
Speaker 2:He's like I'm gonna go sleep on the couch in the in the main room because you're no fun, you can't take a joke or something like that, and I was like what is happening?
Speaker 1:just destroyed the bed. You've left her in the room with the destroyed bed. What a gentleman. He's a bad guy. So the next scene we see her in brill's office wait, wait, dan, we have to.
Speaker 2:I have a note we have to talk real quickly about, before everything we just talked about. They're both brushing their teeth, and she is brushing her teeth in the bathroom, where you're supposed to do it, and he's just out in the main room brushing his teeth dry. Is that a thing? No, what do you do with the toothpaste? And then he takes a swig of mouthwash and he's you know he's doing. He doesn't have anywhere to spit it, so he's like looking for a place to spit it and that's where she comes out in her bra Great scene. That's where she comes out, and then he swallows the mouthwash.
Speaker 1:You're not supposed to swallow mouthwash.
Speaker 2:You're definitely not supposed to do that. He swallowed toothpaste and mouthwash in like 30 seconds.
Speaker 1:He's going to die the guy's dead. I'm glad we went back to that. One of the high points of this movie is Hulk Hogan brushing his teeth.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, it bothers me.
Speaker 1:So it turns out she's working for Brill somehow.
Speaker 2:Okay, you didn't understand it either, because this twist I was like no, she's not. Yeah, she is, and is she a hooker? No, he said he paid her to seduce him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so he found. Essentially, he found out that she was his manager, so he paid her to seduce him. That's why they had the one hotel room.
Speaker 2:She set that all up. I got that part, I understood the end, but I didn't understand. I don't understand when she I don't know.
Speaker 1:Okay continue, and so she has fallen in love with him. Of course, obviously because, he's so charming Because he's so charming, and so she's fallen in love with him, and so Brill like slaps her.
Speaker 2:And so we know Brill's evil, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah again thank, thank goodness that they did that because otherwise I was like is he a good guy? I can't tell. So she runs what? Yeah, I, just I. I was so confused at the plot twist that she was paid by him oh, you were surprised, didn't you see that coming? I saw that coming I just don't understand the situation. So you're saying that she was always the manager? That part was real.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course, because she worked for that company. And then he knew that she worked for that company and was his new manager, so then she paid him off.
Speaker 2:He paid her off and then he bought her off, so she has no morality, whereas the Hulk has tons of morality in this movie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, except when he's leering at her like she's a piece of meat.
Speaker 2:Right, except for when he's a total creeper yeah.
Speaker 1:So she goes crying to Hulk, says forgive me. Hulk forgives her instantly, Whatever.
Speaker 2:Well, she cries in this scene and it's only important to note that she cries because she is a terrible crier scene, and it's only important to note that she cries because she is a terrible crier, which which I think now that I've seen the whole movie I think is on purpose, because hulk has to cry later, and so I think she wanted. I think he was like hey, you need to be worse at crying than I am, so when I do it, I look like a good actor.
Speaker 1:that's my theory yeah, she's really deep down inside. She's a good crier. So then we cut to Hulk Hogan's teach kids to wrestle, challenge, slash, whatever. So he's teaching kids how to wrestle. And then a helicopter shows up and flies down and then Zeus and Brill get out crashing the party and they get right in Hulk's face and I challenge you to the battle of the big guys. And Zeus probably says something. I didn't write it down because it wasn't interesting.
Speaker 2:I don't think he does. Yeah, I think he just growls.
Speaker 1:Zeus growls at him and Hulk just sort of looks at him. Then they get back in the copter and leave.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because he never responds. Hulk doesn't really show much emotion. He holds the children back and just kind of looks at them Wait the kids were chanting Hulk or they were chanting something and rip.
Speaker 1:I mean it had to have been ripped and ripped Didn't do anything.
Speaker 2:No, he did absolutely nothing. He doesn't respond, he doesn't say no, thanks, I'm not interested, or like call me later and we'll talk about the details. He just stands there, just doing nothing.
Speaker 1:So then we have the whole scene where they try and kidnap the girl and then Hulk shows up on a motorcycle and defeats the kidnapping why they were kidnapping her, just like. Just like when they, with the limo and taking him to the thing to beat him up, they like do these things for no reason, it doesn't make any sense it's like all of wrestling, it's just everything. Yes, the wig didn't come, okay, thank, you Just disappointment.
Speaker 1:Hi. So they just do things. We're going to kidnap the woman because we need this 10-minute bit, and so Hulk comes on the motorcycle and eventually gets one of the guys on the front of the motorcycle, which he then throws into a tree hold on.
Speaker 2:There's two things we need to cover real quickly. One hulk shows up and she is basically mid-rate, like her clothes are tattered and the guy is on top of her is he really?
Speaker 1:I don't remember that yes, 100.
Speaker 2:That's why, like I, I don't know, maybe that's what they're going for, but that's what it feels like. I think you can laugh, because this movie is ridiculous. My only thing is, all hulk does is he rolls up, he looks at her, he goes you okay, and then he drives off. Doesn't wait for an answer, like he shows no emotion for her, whatsoever he drives up on the motorcycle. The guy takes off, he looks at her, you okay, and it drives off, doesn't?
Speaker 1:doesn't care, doesn't minister bc? That's always actually I, I gotta take, I I gotta say that's what he's supposed to do, right? No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1:One of my most giant. Actually, this is a pet peeve of mine. Every movie in the world where shit is going down, we're in the shit storm and there's the person on the ground and they stop and they spend 25 minutes. The world ends in 26 minutes. Well, I will spend 25 minutes saying you okay, world. The world ends in 26 minutes. Well, I will spend 25 minutes saying you okay, you okay, you all right, you need a pillow? Yeah, you need a blanket, you need this. As opposed to going and doing the thing that needs to be done. Rip is like no dan, rip is see, that's see, I gotta. This is where rip is. His emotionless care not is going to get the job done because he's like I am not going to waste my time.
Speaker 1:But she said what did she say? She's like thumbs up, not fully raped. You know, you give me the thumbs up, it's like I'm taking care of the business. Yeah, I can always come back to you. This guy might get away. I got to pick him up and throw him into a tree with my motorcycle. I can't, I don't want to have. I hate that scene, that stupid scene they always put in movies, where it's like I'm going to show that the person cares.
Speaker 1:Oh, are you okay? Oh, I was worried about you. The world is ending. The bad guys are getting away. I'm pointing a gun at the bad guy, so he blows up.
Speaker 2:Oh, I can't do anything ever again, dan we put those scenes in there because without the goodness of people, saving the world doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 1:We know Hulk is good because he teaches kids to wrestle and gives them snow cones.
Speaker 2:He's the bad guy of this movie.
Speaker 1:He is a bad guy and this scene proves it to me he's a creep.
Speaker 2:He has no compassion. He only cares about killing.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's talk about the motorcycle. Zeus is going to have a third match before he's even had a second. Okay, yes, 100%. The motorcycle. There were two bad guys, weren't there?
Speaker 2:There were two bad guys, but we only see him defeat one of them as far as I can remember. But the problem I have with the scene is that Hulk is on a motorcycle, which is a pretty small vehicle all things considered, but this guy happens to run out just at the right angle that Hulk can hit him with the motorcycle. Sure, just at the right angle. That Hulk can hit him with the motorcycle. Sure, what kind of a human being gets hit with a motorcycle while they're looking at it? Stuntman, it's one of the easiest vehicles to dodge. That's all I'm saying. All you have to do is move a foot to your left and you're clear.
Speaker 1:They nailed that guy in Charlie's Angels. That's true. So now we get to like the third match, zeus's third match. Hulk won zeus three, where he's fighting mr crowbar, and in a train. This one's in a train station, weird train station. So zeus wins. I don't, I don't even write any. Once again, I didn't write anything down about the match because it doesn't matter, doesn't matter at all. And then Rip's brother and his buddy are there. And then Brill's guys figured that out. They're like oh no, they're like, oh, you're wearing. They tell them yeah, well, he's wearing the Rip shirt. And so they're like oh, you're fans of Rip, but you're over. Come over to the dark side, to Zeus.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, they're like we've converted Rip fans.
Speaker 1:No, no, we're Rip fans. And then and then they fight.
Speaker 2:I'm his brother, and so Zeus the friends is like no, this is Rip's brother, which is you're an idiot. You deserve to get the shit kicked out of you right now, you dumb idiot Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.
Speaker 1:Once again, stupid people saying the quiet things out loud, so ridiculous. So then, zeus, you know they're like you can't take Zeus, and so Randy's like I didn't take Zeus, and so Randy like swings at. Zeus, and Zeus just destroys him.
Speaker 2:He throws the first punch. Dan, what are you talking about?
Speaker 1:So I guess it's not assault. If he threw the first punch, zeus is out, so that's why there's no police involved, that's right, you throw the first punch. Man Zeus can tear your trachea out and throw it on your dead body.
Speaker 2:He was afraid for his life obviously so that's totally justified.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. So Zeus just beats the hell out of him.
Speaker 2:Which I never saw coming, because the brother's such a big guy, so dumb.
Speaker 1:So then, wow, before we get to the hospital, I guess Rip goes to Zeus's funhouse slash training facility, and this is the part Tony loved because he just, he just tears through it like a mad man to like crazy rock music.
Speaker 2:He is crazy. Dan, our hero is totally unhinged. He's on a war but he's just destroying things. For no reason I cannot get behind him. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Did you expect there to be something behind that neon sign?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So he throws something into a neon sign and we're expecting it to crash and they're being like the bad guys or something, and no they kind of set it up like just visually with the filmmaking.
Speaker 2:That Hulk looks at the sign and then it cuts to the guys watching through the screen. So you're like oh, they're behind that area and somehow he knows he's so good and then he destroys it. And it's not that it's like okay.
Speaker 1:So then we go to the hospital and there's randy, he's like in traction, and samantha I guess her name is samantha the woman she's like reading a book. I couldn't tell what book she was reading. I'd like to know what book she was reading, because she seems kind of disinterested. She's just like am I in this scene, or can I just read through this one?
Speaker 2:That's just the book she brought to set that day and she was, like you guys do your scene.
Speaker 1:I'll read over here and then does Rip announce that he's going to fight. Now I don't remember how we sort of find out that he's actually going to fight. I don't remember how we sort of find out that he's actually going to fight. I don't even know. I wrote down. Now it's my turn. Maybe he says that Somehow we're clued into that Rip has chosen to battle Zeus for the final thing.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I guess I don't remember how they get there exactly. We start the training montage next.
Speaker 1:So something happened in the hospital, the hospital room, a decision is made in some way, shape or form, I don't know how I don't even know if this is communicated to brill, but they.
Speaker 2:Well, they said uh, I mean, at one point I remember the the friends were like, he stood up to zeus and this is what happened, which is untrue. He didn't stand up to Zeus, he started the fight, but it's fine, it doesn't really matter. So I don't remember if he like officially announces it or not. But then we go into what I guess you would call a training montage, which is for the Hulk isn't training, it's the greatest training montage ever.
Speaker 1:You don't really. You know, like I said, I didn't laugh since the bathroom scene, which we'll talk about, the bathroom scene again at the end, and the dog oh, will we? Yes, we will. So the training montage is Zeus training on all these life cycles, which I'm sure life cycles paid some money for that. Oh for sure they were great. And then Rip is just helping Randy with his physical therapy, trying to learn to walk again from the paralysis.
Speaker 2:So he's not preparing for the battle at all, no, he's just like.
Speaker 1:It's so good, it's very good, it's very good Is it good?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it is. It doesn't make any sense. Good, is it good? Yeah, I think it doesn't make any sense. But it's too. It's to the same upbeat, like montage 80s music that you would normally see, and it was just like it just slows. Oh, it's so weird. It's such a weird juxtaposition for me so we get now.
Speaker 1:We get to the final, the final match. Randy's there in the wheelchair. I wrote aquananet. Someone must be using Aquanet Hairspray.
Speaker 2:Okay, I don't even know what that is, and they fight and Hulk wins. Well, okay, what are you talking about? You can't just skate over this magnificent scene. First of all, we gotta talk about the kidnapping that happens. They grab the girl, they grab the girl, they set it up as they have this elaborate elevator trick.
Speaker 2:The bad guys are like is the elevator ready and they're like the elevator's ready, don't worry. All they do is wait outside the elevator's ready, don't worry. But they don't really. All they do is wait outside the elevator, wait for everyone else to go and then grab her and bring her into the elevator. They didn't have to set up the elevator at all they just had to stand by the door. What a weird, what a ridiculous plan that is now?
Speaker 1:do they keep her in the control room for the whole thing? I don't even remember until she escapes.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, but my favorite part of the movie, dan, and this I don't I was I'm hesitant to actually say this because I think it's probably very offensive, but the hardest I laughed in the whole film was when they kidnapped the girl and and the brother, who's very sadly paralyzed, is in the chair and can't turn around and he goes. What the hell's going on back there? I lost my mind then.
Speaker 1:So you're laughing at the disabled. That's great, tony, that's wonderful. There's poor kids in a wheelchair beat up by Zeus and you're like. The funniest thing was when he couldn't react, his disability man.
Speaker 2:But they made a point of making him react to that point, like it's the writing. That made me laugh, because you don't need to show that. That's such a weird thing to show is that they just kind of push him out of the way and everyone else turns to fight and he's like what's going on back there? I, it was so unnecessary and I just I couldn't, I couldn't handle it, I lost my mind.
Speaker 1:So there's a big fight. They fight in the ring, they fight out of the ring, they fight up the stairs, they fight to the control room, and then, finally, hulk wins, rip wins. Well, he murders him and he takes him and he throws him off the thing, right.
Speaker 2:Yep Throws him like two stories onto the ring which breaks Completely collapses, Does it?
Speaker 1:No, it doesn't. No, you're right, there's just a circle in the middle, this perfect circle goes down in the center and you're just like why is there a circular pit in the middle of the ring? Now, they didn't even like, I don't know.
Speaker 2:No, I know it's ridiculous, but then they cut to him and he's got blood coming. He's dead. Quite literally, this man is dead, which is very important. Okay, the hulk just killed a man, not only on tv, but in front of all of these people, and then what does he do next? Dan?
Speaker 1:but. But did he kill him after the bell? You know?
Speaker 2:as far as I know, there was no bell because there's no rules it's's fair to kill.
Speaker 1:So then he. But what does he do after? I don't know? Have a soda pop.
Speaker 2:No, he goes up to the control room. Oh, to kill that guy and gets the other dude electrocuted to death, he fries him, and that's when we get the other line.
Speaker 1:Stay away, you jock ass. But actually the guy does it to himself because he was tearing out the cords, because he was trying to stop the thing, and then he backs into the stuff and electrocutes himself.
Speaker 2:This is a technicality as far as I'm concerned, dan, because the Hulk was coming at him. Ok, this guy tried to run and got tangled in some wires and died, so then the entire arena erupts into applause. I've got issues. One they just watch this man kill two people that they don't know are actually evil. They have, they love this show, they're a fan of the show, they love Zeus and they love the owner of the show, and this guy just murdered them both in front of them, and now they're applauding. It doesn't make any sense. Stop putting on this outfit.
Speaker 1:Tony, you have been defeated by Hollywood Dan Goodsell, the greatest wrestling comedy movie commentator of all time. You shall take your place below him, because he's the greatest of all time.
Speaker 2:That one was good. That one held up much better than the one in the beginning. I just I don't understand, I don't under. He's not a hero to me, he is a villain throughout the whole movie. And then he murders people in cold blood.
Speaker 1:So I got issues final thoughts.
Speaker 2:I feel like that was my final thought. I think I had a question on the show itself, battle of the Tough Guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, battle of the Tough Guys.
Speaker 2:how yeah, Battle of the Tough Guys? Sure.
Speaker 1:How is Hulk Hogan on that show when his show is at the same time, even though it's not at the same time? Many questions, many questions.
Speaker 2:It's the same time slot, but they're beating the ratings. So obviously, maybe it's because Hulk isn't there, guys. That's why you're beating the ratings. Could be. He's off taking family trips Is the show 10 minutes long.
Speaker 1:It's only one fight If you start to look at movies and start to think about time. Time is a very dangerous thing when you start to look at movies, because everything happens in these tiny, tiny increments of time.
Speaker 2:I mean, I agree, but there's no fight card, so there's one battle and the battles don't last very long because we watch them front to back, right. So my question now becomes Well, there's interviews. Are there Think pieces? You know you can't just make this up.
Speaker 1:I mean, you don't see any of that I've been watching like the Eco Challenge, and it's just constant interviews constant interviews.
Speaker 2:I don't think Zeus would be a very good interview. Think about survivor.
Speaker 1:Think about survivor, right. Every show is an hour, and how long do those?
Speaker 2:those things take six minutes, like they do two, two six minute challenges 12 minutes, like 48 minutes.
Speaker 1:They are commercials and and blah, blah, people talking. So there's probably like Brill probably talks about. So, mr Brill, what did you do today? I went and had a soda.
Speaker 2:Okay, great, great, great Zeus. What about you? That's all the guy says.
Speaker 1:You know we probably have these great training montages. You know Zeus has that his training center is all decked out, that's true, it's pretty nice. They got cameras all over it. All sorts of B-roll there, you don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't, I really don't know, I really don't.
Speaker 1:Because this movie is not rooted in any kind of reality and that's sort of the problem with it is if it had gone, if it was gonzo, but, like I said, that one guy that reminded me of you, tony.
Speaker 2:This is how he hit his head with his hands. Is that why he reminds you of me?
Speaker 1:because I'm afraid to hit myself he just looked a little like you and he had a similar bill. Um, he didn't. You know, he wasn't even trying. You know, it's like for sure not.
Speaker 2:And that's this movie you know, he wasn't even trying.
Speaker 1:You know it's like, for sure not. And that's this movie. You know they tried to do a thing and it accomplished some stuff and I'm sure this set a road for wrestling to become what it was. Yeah, and I mean wrestling over the next 20, 30 years. 30 years is a lot different now than it was then.
Speaker 2:Oh, definitely 100%.
Speaker 1:And the characters have improved and the you know, the storytelling has improved and this, you know, vince McMahon is still Vince McMahon and you don't want to have anything to do with him because he's crazy, but but I do feel like even he has kind of figured things out a little bit more.
Speaker 2:You know, like he really leans into that heel vibe now, yeah, even more than I think he did back then. So I think I mean, you're absolutely right like we've grown leaps and bounds, I think, in the, in the industry so you, you know things have to start somewhere.
Speaker 1:There has to be that sweet little egg that births a baby bird that doesn't grow up and becomes a smoker and just sort of wastes life away. That's this movie, jesus christ, that's dark.
Speaker 2:Those four birds the one. So my final thing I want to say is the music of the movie, which is used far too sparingly. There's only I think there's only three music cues in the movie.
Speaker 1:There were at least three or four songs, and then the final song, the final song is the best. The final song I wrote Will you Stand With the Best? It was a good little song.
Speaker 2:It was good. It's awesome. I really liked it a lot.
Speaker 1:The other songs felt like they were sort of real-ish too. They weren't terrible.
Speaker 2:No, but there's a lot of scenes in the movie I think would have benefited from music, but they only really highlighted the music during the fights, which I don't know if I mean it was obviously intentional, but I don't know what the purpose of that was, Because I feel like there was a lot of moments where there was just dead silence in the movie where I was like this would really help with a score, maybe Something popping.
Speaker 1:I'm sure I didn't watch any, but I'm sure if you go back and watch those Rocky movies, they're probably scored incredibly well when, just like, every montage is just like da-na-da, da-na-da, da-na-da, and you know, a movie like this just doesn't. They don't have the budget or the wherewithal to understand and to do all that stuff which you know. I mean. Yes, real music set to all these wrestling things would have made them interesting. As it was, they were just sort of sloppily choreographed one-off shots, blah, blah.
Speaker 2:Blah, blah. That's a good way to sum up the movie.
Speaker 1:Now let's talk about that dog in the bathroom some more okay, all right, we'll circle back.
Speaker 2:What do you got? Oh, it's your favorite thing in the world.
Speaker 1:I I did enjoy that. So we're gonna, we're gonna wrap up, uh and say goodbye, no holds barred. You were fun, but we're moving on. We're moving on. So, uh, now we pick something we enjoyed this week. Uh, two things.
Speaker 1:Like I said, I've been watching that eco challenge on netflix, which I have a lot of problems with, but it's also pretty fun, uh, because you get to see like real people that do this thing and I've done it for a long time and they, they're super interesting. And then there's also on Netflix there's a thing called I think it was Super Cubers, about Rubik's Cube kids, the kids that do the speed Rubik's Cubes Blows my mind. And there's two main kids the kid that's sort of fading and then the other kid who's sort of on the rise, and the one rise kid is a-American but he's autistic. Oh, okay, which is really interesting. And it's like 40 minutes, really nice. Look at these characters, look at these real people. And it's nice to see these real people when you sort of get buried in characters that aren't fully formed at all, because real people have so many dimensions. Ain't that the truth? Ain't that the fact? What do you got for us, tony so?
Speaker 2:I'm going to go a little off the rails on this one, because I had a disappointing media week. We tried to watch or we did did watch. We watched palm springs this week, which I was disappointed in I don't know what that and we watched, uh, space force, which I was also pretty much disappointed there was a couple of moments I liked what's space force? Space force is the steve carell show on netflix that was my first review.
Speaker 1:I did a whole review of it. Oh, did you? Did you like it? No, it horrible.
Speaker 2:It is the biggest piece of garbage ever and we could do it. I don't know about that.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, that's why we're doing this show. I watched that and I did my review.
Speaker 2:This is the impetus of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I did my review of that and I did my review of Ad Astra both things that made me so angry.
Speaker 2:I never saw Ad Astra so real, real quickly I, and then I'll get to my actual recommendation. Uh, did you hate the? Did you watch the whole series of space?
Speaker 1:Oh God, no, I watched the first episode and then I watched the first five minutes of the second episode and I was like this is garbage.
Speaker 2:Okay, I liked the second episode for the uh the chimster not bit. It was good.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's a chimp up there and he's trying to. Yeah, I watched the whole second episode. It was horrible.
Speaker 2:Oh no.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:So I will say we did finish it and we're we're not crazy about it Like it's, so those are not my recommendations. Instead, the only thing that brought me joy this week was uh, this is a musical release, actually not a musical release. Actually Not a musical movie like an actual album. Wait, you're picking a record.
Speaker 1:Yes, just hear me out alright, I had a tough week. It kills me while I change the rules.
Speaker 2:I am changing the rules.
Speaker 1:I said I'm going off the rails, is it like?
Speaker 2:Blink-182 or something I mean. Blink is great. They released a new song called Quarantine, which I really enjoy, but old dominion re-released their latest album in what they call the meow mix, which is where he replaced all of the lyrics with the word meow.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I don't even know anything. You're saying old dominion.
Speaker 2:You mean like the old dominion is a country band, a country school, it's a country band, old dominion. They're like rock, country rock kind of thing, uh. But he, they re-released their newest album with the lyrics replaced with the word meow and it's uh. I've listened to it several times through because it makes me laugh super hard well, that is.
Speaker 1:That is freaking pathetic.
Speaker 2:Hypothetic Jesus.
Speaker 1:I would go back into the Hollywood Dan Goodsell persona to smack you down over that, but he does not stoop that low. So we're going to start picking horror movies soon.
Speaker 2:Soon Two more weeks, almost October, almost October.
Speaker 1:Almost October, or at least when these shows will. So my pick this week? I had this one pick and it was queued up and I watched the first 10 minutes. I'd never seen it before and it's really bad. We'll do it again. And then I was looking around and then I saw this other movie and I like how much first 10 minutes of this movie. Okay, this is my movie 2008. American american romantic comedy. Okay, 2008 was the year that these movies came out. Dark night yeah, iron man, indiana jones wall e. Kung fu panda twilight mamma mia, get smart. We're gonna have to go back to get smart at some point. Get smart. Yeah, kung Fu Panda, twilight Mamma Mia, get Smart. We're going to have to go back to Get Smart at some point. Get Smart yeah.
Speaker 1:Tropic Thunder. Oh, tropic Thunder, one of the greatest movies of all time. So good, maybe top 10 comedies of the past 30 years. Oh for sure. Journey to the Center of the Earth, the movie that Brendan I never saw that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Brendan Fraser.
Speaker 1:That was the end of his career. Yeah, pineapple Express the Happening Marky Mark. This movie's down at number 92 on the box office list, 92. Down below Of 2008? 2008. Wow, american romantic comedy Jessica Alba Down below Of 2008? 2008 Wow 92. American romantic comedy Jessica Alba Okay, justin Timberlake, john Oliver Ben.
Speaker 2:Kingsley Is this.
Speaker 1:Valentine's Day and star Mike Myers.
Speaker 2:Guru, the love guru. Okay, I never saw it.
Speaker 1:I had not seen it either.
Speaker 2:I've seen the first 10 minutes of this movie Okay, and it's good.
Speaker 1:It is not good. Let me ask you a question.
Speaker 2:Dan it. It is not good it is. Let me ask you a question, dan.
Speaker 1:So not good this are you a mike myers fan, sure I'm a huge fan.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, this is the movie that killed his career. Yes, he put this movie out and that's.
Speaker 1:I should have said that at the beginning. This is one of those career killing movies. I love those. We've done a couple of them now. His career he had to go and do the gong show and has not appeared in anything. He starred and co-wrote this thing and it is just a pile.
Speaker 2:I can't wait. I'm genuinely so excited for this movie. It's been on my watch list for a while, oh really. It's been hard to get myself to do it, because I love him so much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think this is one of those movies where you're going to have to go in and watch some of the other movies and say why are these movies successful? And you know, I'm going to definitely watch one of the Austin Powers ones before and watch some of the other movies and say, why are these movies successful? And you know, I'm gonna definitely watch one of the austin powers ones before I watch one of those and you know, say what you want about the wayne's world movies. They're not great movies but they're great characters. They're not, oh well for sure the characters are incredible. You know, structuring a character out into a movie is always a very hard thing to do.
Speaker 2:I, I don't know that ballroom blitz scene so good.
Speaker 1:What's the ballroom?
Speaker 2:blitz Do a ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, it's. They perform that song and there's like it's like it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 1:Is that at the end? Is that the final scene?
Speaker 2:I think it's the end of the second one.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:I think, I can't remember. Maybe it's the end of the first one. They blend together.
Speaker 1:Movies blend together. So that's the end of this episode of Hate Watching with Dan and Tony. I'm Dan and that's I'm Tony, and we're going to see you next time at the YouTube. We've got to figure out an ending With.
Speaker 2:Dan and Tony, we gotta figure out an ending.