Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Prince of Persia The Sands of Time: A Video Game Adaptation That Almost Worked
What happens when a big-budget blockbuster has all the right ingredients but still fails to fully satisfy? That's the puzzle at the heart of our deep dive into 2010's Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, a film that cost hundreds of millions to make but couldn't capture the magic of its video game source material.
The conversation kicks off with an examination of Jake Gyllenhaal's bewildering accent and lack of charisma as the titular prince – a critical misstep that creates a void at the center of this action-adventure. "It's the worst accent of any leading man in a movie," we conclude, comparing his performance unfavorably to the natural charm of Brendan Fraser in The Mummy or the cast of Pirates of the Caribbean.
The film's salvation arrives about 40 minutes in with Alfred Molina's scene-stealing performance as a tax-evading ostrich racer. His character breathes life into a previously lifeless movie, demonstrating exactly what was missing from the start: humor, heart, and genuine entertainment value. We discuss how supporting characters often make or break these big adventure films, and how Prince of Persia failed to understand this crucial dynamic.
We also break down the disappointing direction choices that plague the action sequences – the choppy editing and shaky camerawork that obscure rather than showcase the parkour stunts that made the video games so special. For a franchise known for fluid movement and graceful acrobatics, the film's inability to properly capture these elements represents a fundamental misunderstanding of its appeal.
Join us for this entertaining analysis of blockbuster filmmaking gone awry, and why some adventure films become beloved classics while others remain forgotten curiosities. And don't forget to tune in next week for our take on "The Gorge" starring Miles Teller and Anya Taylor-Joy!
Written lovingly by AI
Be our friend!
Dan: @shakybacon
Tony: @tonydczech
And follow the podcast on IG: @hatewatchingDAT
Well, should we talk about the Prince of Persia?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, let's do it. Let me close a couple windows.
Speaker 1:Close a window. It's too warm in here.
Speaker 2:No, no, not real windows, internet windows. It's called a joke, tony? I don't think so, dan, you were dead serious.
Speaker 1:That was a joke. That's what I thought, because usually you close a joke.
Speaker 2:It's a joke, a joke.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony.
Speaker 2:I'm Dan, I'm Tony, I was gonna go. I was like, if there's too much of a pause, we're gonna lose people right away. 're gonna be like oh, this is dead.
Speaker 1:Click, I was thinking too far Ahead to the second act On this show. We watch a movie, then we talk about said movie. This week it was Tony's turn to pick a movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I Nailed it, I crushed it. I feel good about my pick. Yeah, going back to the Blockbuster days. You know what they call them now Fl. I feel good about my pick yeah, going back to the blockbuster days.
Speaker 2:You know what they call them now Flopbusters. Oh, that's kind of mean. Wait, hold on. Do they call them flopbusters when they look back at ones that didn't work? Or if I made a new blockbuster today, would they just call it a flopbuster because they assume it's going to flop? They call them flopbusters now because so many of them flop, flopped, got it okay, got it all right, I'll buy it. Um, and yeah, no that I think this would care. It didn't do terrible. It made okay. It did like 90 domestic and a couple hundred worldwide, I think, but it did like the budget was.
Speaker 1:I think it did like 300 and 300 and something worldwide yeah, I mean that's pretty good.
Speaker 2:The budget was huge, so it probably wasn't a success, but it wasn't a complete failure, nope, but you wouldn't know that by watching it. In my opinion, and also, the director didn't really do much after this, which is right. That's the correct. He is one of my three biggest problems of this movie. Okay, so first of all, did we say this?
Speaker 1:is Prince. What is the movie Tony Just get?
Speaker 2:to it, it is Jake. How do you say his name?
Speaker 1:Is it Gyllenhaal? Gyllenhaal? I don't think it's Gyllenhaal.
Speaker 2:I think he got mad at people for saying Gyllenhaal because it's not right. I don't really know. This is Prince of Persia, sands of Time, starring Ben Kingsley, that's it Two other guys and another guy and another guy.
Speaker 1:What's? Alfred Molina he's my favorite part of the movie. Oh, that was Alfred Molina. That's why he was so good.
Speaker 2:That's why he stuck out in the film Because you're like what are you doing here? You're wonderful, he's wonderful.
Speaker 1:Sands of Time 2010 2010 hour and 59 minutes uh they wanted it to be the new um, they wanted it to be the new pirates based on a video game um great video game, by the way, one of the 10 out of 10 one of the best reviewed video game movies of all time.
Speaker 2:Also, I think, maybe the biggest money video game movie yeah, probably, maybe for a while maybe since then there's been something, but I think at the time um, I mean, super mario brothers did like, yes, a bill club, didn't they? I don't know something big.
Speaker 1:I think that's old information, because super mario was, I think, well received, because that was a good movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah I mean it was at least a fine movie.
Speaker 1:You know, it's not a bad movie on any level it was not a bad movie I mean chris pratt, whatever but the rest of it was very good. Oh, that's not an italian accent um now did. Prince of persia, is this post assassin's creed?
Speaker 2:the game. Okay, yes, yeah, okay, yeah, so. But so here's the thing, and I don and this might mean nothing, I have no idea Both Prince of Persia and Assassin's Creed, both made by Ubisoft, which is the game company that made it. So I feel like maybe when it was made, they were like maybe you incorporate some elements from this game that people seem to like as well.
Speaker 1:You know what.
Speaker 2:I mean Because there's that one shot where he's up on the thing and it spins around, and they use that exact same shot in the movie, but it's also all over the video game. That is like quintessential Assassin's Creed, and I was like, well, that's a little weird. But if you think about it, they hadn't made the Assassin's Creed movie. They didn't know if they were ever going to because video game movies weren't good, so they were just like this is a cool thing to try, and it wasn't as cool in this movie.
Speaker 1:No, I like this movie. You like this movie, I have to say, of the movies, of the movies we watch. It began. I did not like it at the beginning.
Speaker 2:It took me a long time but, once we got to Alfred Molina I was like here's the movie, but that's my problem with the whole thing Finish, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:It's not a good movie. I'm not saying this is a great movie. This is a movie. We need to break into a franchise. But once we got to Alfred Molina and we started building what they had to build there and we did some other things, and there was there were a couple of, there's a couple of there was one action scene I really liked. Um, the direction was terrible.
Speaker 2:It's like so frustratingly bad yeah.
Speaker 1:The direction's not good, but you were like this is a scene I want to see. I like this scene. Um, and you know, like this is a scene I want to see. I like this scene. And you know spoilers. At the end of the movie we go back in time and everyone comes back to life. But I thought a lot of the deaths were very emotional and well-earned.
Speaker 2:You know, you had the character and in these movies we watch, the deaths are always so terrible well, for the most part, when the the movies we watch, the script is almost always a big problem. I and while it's not like, oh, this is not a great script, it's not a bad script, it's not a bad script. The script is not my problem at all and that's refreshing, first of all. I love that. But it just makes it more frustrating for me that there are so many things that they messed up. And the reason why alfred molina frustrates me the most is because once he's in the movie, it's fun.
Speaker 1:Yes, he's not in the movie for 30, 40 minutes oh yeah, the first, first half of the movie zero fun a blockbuster, by definition, is a fun.
Speaker 2:It's a big, fun movie, right, and if you're, if you're looking at the mummy and pirates the caribbean which is the two things that they definitely looked at we're like we need to make a movie that's exactly those. Yeah, the whole. They're fun top to bottom. Yeah, you know what I mean. Like pirates of the caribbean, the first scene you see jack sparrow. He's sinking the boat. It's the most iconic. It's fun. He's goofy. What? Oh, we forget the name. There's jokes. There are no jokes. There's no fun, there's no charm.
Speaker 2:For 40 minutes of this movie and you're like, oh my god, what is going on? And then alfred molina comes in out of nowhere and you're like, holy shit, this guy's hilarious, he's I, it's just it. The whole vibe of the movie changes when he gets there. Yeah, and that's a problem, because that should be the movie the whole way through, and that's why I get frustrated, because it could have been a fun movie. I think I would have liked this movie a lot for if it wasn't for Jake Gyllenhaal, because he, I think he's horribly miscast in this movie, and if they just would have known how to make a movie, just this, it's just a, it's a bummer, it's a missed opportunity. Is what it is, dan.
Speaker 1:And through the first 40 minutes before we get to what the movie could have been what the movie could have been. And you know, Jake Gyllenhaal shows up and he has the worst accent in a movie that there ever has been. The worst, it's the worst accent of any leading man in a movie Of all the movies we've done it's the worst I can't think of another one that was as painful as you were like, oh God, he's the star and he's taking his movie.
Speaker 2:Yes, and that's bad, that's. I mean, it's unfortunate for a lot of reasons. One of them is for him, because this I think this was kind of his shot to be Mr Big Budget summer blockbuster and he, he didn't do it.
Speaker 1:It's that Adrian Brody thing. He has made a decision and somebody needed to be like. No, bro, we just watched this.
Speaker 2:Hey, jake, here's the thing, just do you. We cast you in the part, so just be you, maybe. Just try that and we'll see what happens.
Speaker 1:We don't need an English governor. I ain't governor, I'm a Prince of Persia. It's just like you know, because all the other guys are they British, the guy that plays the two brothers and the king.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know. You know what I mean? I don't even know, but they don't stick out like a sore thumb.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, they're fine. The guy plays his brother, the guy plays his king, and then you have Ben Kingsley, who does great.
Speaker 2:Well, he's Ben Kingsley.
Speaker 1:He's Ben Kingsley, all over the place, you know he's the bad guy from minute one, but they could have done a little. It's the same as Aquaman, right, that was the Aquaman plot 100% could have done a little.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's the same as aqua. Right, that was the aquaman plot 100. Yeah, and that's you know what? Listen, hey, it's fine. That's a forgivable sin in my like. I don't go to a blockbuster to be surprised, necessarily. Right, like it's fine, but in a movie where you're getting a bunch of other things wrong, it's just like, oh guys, what are we doing?
Speaker 1:it's a it's a slippery, it's a sand slide that you slippery sloping and yeah, the direction on this movie, the fights and everything they. They do these kind of slow-mos or something.
Speaker 2:I don't even know what they are, but because it's it's not used right, it's just they're weirdly placed, they don't make sense. But yeah, there's some weird slow motion stuff that's just inserted. But it's also inserted into action scenes that are like the quick cut, shaky, a little shaky cam, and we're moving too fast. You can't really tell what's happening. And I know that Bourne did that very well. I don't know if that came out before or after this, I assume after oh, bourne came out before this. It came out before the first Jason Bourne.
Speaker 1:This is 2010. Oh, Bourne came out before this. It came out before the first.
Speaker 2:Jason Bourne, this is 2010. Oh, you're right, 2010. Those Bournes are.
Speaker 1:I would say 2005 or something, I think that that ruined cinema for a while.
Speaker 2:Oh see, I really do.
Speaker 2:Bourne did stuff like this, but did it well. Well, so Jason Bourne was like the first big shaky cam. We're close, we're tight, were shaky, but it did it in a way where you still know what the fuck is going on. And that's the difference. You can't do it to hide the fact that your stunts aren't up to par. Your stunts have to be great, and then you use that to accentuate the chaoticness of the situation.
Speaker 2:This is one of those movies that's like well, we don't really have a stunt coordinator, right, $300 million. We don't have a stunt coordinator, so let's just come in close and we'll just kind of cut things together that don't even make sense. It's not even in sequence from what I can tell. It's just, it's just frustrating. It's I get, I get mad because the 90s were like quintessential action movies and we shot things wider and yet if you look back now, you feel like they're not as exciting. Quote unquote. I feel like that's what people feel. Sure, because it's slower, it's more methodical, but we're actually doing the shit and that's I miss. I miss that.
Speaker 2:I do if you bust out your rush hour, uh vhs, you can really see some stuff going on you got that on 4k blu-ray, dan, and I actually did watch rush hour uh, last week, but I'll tell you we'll get to at. And I actually did watch rush hour uh, last week, but I'll tell you we'll get to it at the end, but I did watch something this week after this movie.
Speaker 1:Um, because you mentioned the mummy. I was rewatching the mummy after something we watched, Cause I was just like okay, let's see how you and you know everything in the mummy holds up perfectly. I mean, the special effects certainly were from whatever their time was or whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you can chuckle at that, but it doesn't ruin the movie, it doesn't ruin the movie because all the quips are right, all the interplay between hey Benny you're on the wrong side of the river, You're just like.
Speaker 1:This is a line and when he delivers that line he delivers it. Oh, you watched the Mummy?
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is what I watched after I finished this movie. But continue, yeah.
Speaker 1:When he you know, when he that comes out of his mouth it's comedic but it's real and it's heartfelt and you're just like this is a character saying a thing that he would say to screw with. You know, because he has gotten over on a guy. I'm like yes. And yeah, Jake Gyllenhaal's character never gets over on anybody.
Speaker 2:No, well, he's a big dull dud.
Speaker 1:Just in general, I don't know he's a big dull dud and by the end of this movie I kind of like the conceit. It was interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, no for sure.
Speaker 1:So basically we set it up. We're in Persian times, fierce warriors. The king there's like he's got two sons. Then he sees this orphan boy protects this other kid by throwing an apple at a dude or a horse or something, and the king's like, okay, you're going to come live with me because you're, you're not a, you're, you're cool, your, your name is dastan kind of like I hate that dan, so it's cool name oh sure, just put some extra letters in the middle to confuse people.
Speaker 2:Got it yeah?
Speaker 1:um, so that's the setup and you're like it's, it's confusing.
Speaker 2:Aladdin is what it is it's's messy.
Speaker 2:You don't really understand what's going on. It's unnecessary, because in the games he's just the prince. Oh, really, full stop. Like he's just a prince. Yeah, I don't know why they added I think they added this whole backstory to be like, well, he doesn't come from money, so he's relatable or something. Okay, I mean, if he was just the third brother. Yeah, I mean in the, in the game. If I mean it's been, it's been a minute. They did a remake, like a little while ago, that I did play a little bit, but if I remember correctly, the whole. The conceit of the game is he's kind of like a spoiled prince and he actually releases the sands of time and messes everything up, and then the game is about him then fixing the situation that he broke and like learning along the way and becoming a better person okay, well, you know who knows.
Speaker 1:So now he's a prince. 15 years later, they are attacking the city of Alamut, which we are led to understand is they're supplying weapons to someplace else To the enemy? Yeah, and we're like oh okay, this already sounds pretty sketchy, seems pretty fishy. They found these swords and so they're going to attack the city. And so they're going to attack the city and there's maybe some hesitancy on their part that they don't have enough information, but they don't really set that up very well, even though we talk about that at the end it's so little.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like if you wanted your characters to be in that morally gray area of this, you would need just a little bit more deliberation, right, sure of this, you would need just a little bit more deliberation, right? The scene of deliberation the oldest brother, who's like going to be king, was kind of like I don't know, should we do it, guys? Should we do it? And Jake Gyllenhaal is like I don't think we should do it. The other brother's like yeah, we should probably do it. And then Ben Kingsley's like I would do it. And then the king's like let's do it. And the king's like let's do it and that's it. That was like as much deliberation as we get. And then Jake Gyllenhaal's like okay, I mean, if we're going, I'd like to go and kill people. So everyone gets on board very quickly, even if they have reservations. I don't know, you need a little bit more character in that moment to make it work.
Speaker 1:And later we sort of set him up as a drunk for a second right, Just for a second right, Just for one second, and then it never comes back. So I was like we're doing drunk, Are we doing lazy drunk? But then we're not doing lazy drunk.
Speaker 2:You know a party animal who's skating by. You know like, oh, I'm on Easy Street because I was from the streets, but now I don't have to try, turns out nope.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we kind of lost that thread. They thought about it because you were like what you could have done is you could have been like one of his lieutenants goes like you know all these weapons, you kind of sketch and he's like, don't worry about it.
Speaker 2:What are you talking about?
Speaker 1:let's party tonight and then we kill tomorrow. You know you, you could have 100% injected a little, a little more of a distance for him to climb, but they don't really set up that distance.
Speaker 2:He doesn't have to go on an emotional journey at all like he's always kind of like his emotional journey goes from like maybe we shouldn't do this to. You know what we should not have done? That that's his whole growth. It's incremental at best so the princess?
Speaker 1:there's a princess. Uh, what'd you think of the princess?
Speaker 2:I was not a fan, okay, but I will say I read a lot of stuff online and people love her. My problem is the whole time because I I watched this thinking of the mummy.
Speaker 2:Start to finish right and I was like well, she's no rachel weiss like, which is an unfair bar to put on somebody, I would say, but I also did that for Jake to Brendan Fraser as well, which is very mean. That's even worse, to be honest, but she was just again. Maybe it was because they didn't. I didn't feel like they had chemistry.
Speaker 1:I mean, considering the chemistry we usually get, I thought it was okay, you're right, we get so much of the worst chemistry and I was like, yeah, I could see those, those two, making out it's not the electric state where you're pretty sure that chris pratt hates millie bobby brown with a fiery passion.
Speaker 2:It's not that sort of lack of chemistry, but it was just kind of like when they're quipping back and forth it felt staged, as opposed to like two people. You know, with that oh, that like, oh, I hate you but I want to kiss you so bad. That's what I want to see. You can't think about the mummy. I always have to think about them. They made the mummy, dan, you can't yell at me if they're making the same movie over again. Uh, it's. I know it's unfair, I understand that. But just in general, when you have that the hate, the love, hate relationship, I want to feel the tension. And I didn't feel tension. No, no, I buy them wanting to hook up. I don't buy them hating each other and that's the push and pull that I need.
Speaker 1:There was no hate in there. Exactly, you think of the mummy and how infuriating he was and how angry she was.
Speaker 2:And yet you also love him. You're like God. What a chauvinist, what a dick. But also I would kiss you.
Speaker 1:Okay, so Dastan? They say the other brother is going to be leading everything, but instead Dastan's like yeah, screw it, we're going to go over and open this one gate. He's going to take my dudes over there.
Speaker 2:We're going to open it, my eight guys and we'll just win the war, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1:So they just sneak over there and throws ropes and opens gates, and alarms are sounded, and then you know.
Speaker 2:They win they win.
Speaker 1:They win Basically. Their guys come in, he pours a bunch of hot oil which falls down and then gives them the time to attack.
Speaker 2:They're like okay hot oil everywhere Totally.
Speaker 1:Hot oil everywhere. So the princess needs to get rid of this dagger, this magical dagger. So, she gives it to this one dude and is like get out of here. Well, what we don't realize is that the guy, as he's getting out of there, accidentally runs into Jake Gyllenhaal that's Dan who stops him. We don't realize any of this, right I?
Speaker 2:didn't realize any of this, not at first, not until you see the knife, and I was like, oh weird how that worked out.
Speaker 1:I mean, did you know that the guy she gave the thing to was the guy that he stopped?
Speaker 2:No, Okay good.
Speaker 1:So he stops it. He finds the magic dagger. The magic dagger, what it is is. It holds magic sand that can reverse time. But you gotta press the button and the sand gets used up.
Speaker 2:Now listen, everything's fine. It doesn't really matter. I was a little confused on the rules of the dagger. So does the time that you go backwards relate to how long you hold the button? Is it a VCR that I'm holding? Oh and let go? Yep, okay, but that also correlates to how much sand you use. So there's like two.
Speaker 1:Okay, I just felt like it was arbitrary sometimes, I don't know well, yeah, I mean her little tiny vial that she keeps between her supple breasts, that she uses to recharge the thing okay, jake jill and all should only give about three seconds, you know right yeah, I, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's fine, I was just like I feel like there should be more refilling the dagger. Maybe you know like there needs to be something here that makes it seem a little more realistic. What a stupid thing to say.
Speaker 1:But no, you definitely could have been a thing where she's like gives him like a little bit of sand that she has in the secret vial and then later on she pulls out like this big one and she's all like what you know, I mean you're allowed to do that the whole time yeah yeah, well, you know, and those are the things that you gotta, you gotta discover beforehand and then make them into the fun of the of the thing, 100. Yeah, you know, she goes someplace secret and he's like what?
Speaker 2:do you mean?
Speaker 1:there's some of the sand in there. Well, just to meet like a secret guy that's the fun of the movie which we haven't gotten any fun yet. No, not yet Dastan gets it. He captures the princess. Oh, they capture the princess, and then they, they capture the princess, and then they're like uh, I think they say this is where Dastan has to marry her. Is that what happens, yeah?
Speaker 2:well, yeah, so basically Dastan's like oh you know, I saved the day, malish, and as my reward I want her to marry my brother. And then the king is like, well, your brother's got 50 wives, he doesn't need more wives. You have zero wives. Here you go, you win. It's very weird, but you know, probably not inaccurate, it's just weird.
Speaker 1:And then she's like well, I'm okay with it if you don't kill all my people. And he's like okay, so dad's going to come visit with it if you don't kill all my people. And he's like okay, so dad's gonna come visit. And we get one good line, which is this and he I think yeah, he shows up and he says this adventure will not sit well with our allies. I'm like, wow, what a great line that explains to us why them just doing a thing to do a thing is not a good idea.
Speaker 2:So we don't ever have to deal with that. No, and here's my, my I was gonna say biggest problems. Probably not my biggest problem, but it's a problem that they don't seem to care about. Is they have that line in the movie? Yeah, right, and then we go through all this trouble and then we rewind time, and we rewind it to the point where we still attacked them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we still took them over. We still forced her to marry Dastan Yep. People are still going to be upset.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So we just don't care. And maybe that's a sequel. I don't know, we didn't get any sequels, so maybe that was the sequel. Plan is like, hey, you're doing bad stuff over there, let's get them. And then he's like rewind time and kill you. I don't know. It just felt like a weird. It's weird.
Speaker 1:I have the feeling if they made a sequel he wouldn't have access to the sand. I would hope not.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, that, yeah, okay, that sounds drunk. The king has a big party and everyone's proud, and then, oh, dad decides who's going to marry her and then that's then gives her, like, gives dad a gift because of how cool dad is, and it turns out that the gift is this prayer robe which he puts on and then it poisons him to death but it doesn't poison him, right?
Speaker 2:yeah?
Speaker 1:it burns his skin off dan what is that is?
Speaker 2:I don't understand what's happening here acid or something I don't know, all right. I just. They kept saying poison. I was like I don't think that's what happens when you're poisoned. I don't know, all right, they kept saying poison. I was like I don't think that's what happens when you're poisoned. I don't think your skin boils off right, not typically but I see what they're saying.
Speaker 1:I don't dabble in poisons, so I guess I don't really know it's a robe treated with dangerous chemicals. How's that?
Speaker 2:Sure, that's what you should have said. Yeah, come on, guys, let's be a little more accurate.
Speaker 1:So the princess helps him escape and they just sort of get away. Yeah, pretty easily.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's cool.
Speaker 1:They get out there, she's like, oh, you're kind of sexy man, and then she tries to pull a knife and kill him. Of course she does, and then he pushes the button on. The thing goes back in time and figures up, uh, figures out how the uh situation works. Yeah, I think he used up all the sand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think, I think you're right, yeah, yeah. So now he's going to go to this other town, avrat, whereas dad's funeral is, because he wants to tell his, tell ben, his uncle yeah, and kingsley, because he thinks the brother is the one, because the brother, the older brother, gave him the robe and is the one that became king. So he thinks that he's the guy that killed the dad. So he's gonna tell ben kingsley hey, he's bad.
Speaker 1:He's, she's gonna go to the funeral. She she's like I need some water, and falls down. And then he walks over there. He's like, are you okay? And then she bonks him on the head and knocks him out instantly yeah, he's dead.
Speaker 2:She, that's severe brain damage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for, sure, I love it yeah, because he's so easy to knock out in this one scene.
Speaker 2:Just in this one scene. Other times he gets the crap kicked out of him and he's just fine.
Speaker 1:So then there he's going, he's walking along. He wakes up and then he gets surrounded by horsemen and I'm like, here we go, this is his new team. I'm excited, new team, new team. Time, new team. And then he finds out that they are kind of the new team. They go and grab the girl and then this is Alfred Molina's character, who I have no idea, if he has a name. Then he's got this guy from the M'Baku tribe who's a big African-American guy, a big African guy who throws knives.
Speaker 2:Very cool, very cool. But you know what I've learned? What have you learned is that you know the one big flaw of being a knife thrower is that you do eventually run out of things to throw, because you can only carry so many things and they don't come back to you. Yes, it's tough tough stuff.
Speaker 1:That's why you should have a boomerangist in your party which is.
Speaker 2:I love that. That's a fun idea I just at the end, when he's not the end, but when. But when he has his final, like battle, it just feels like he has 50 giant knives somewhere on his body. But he wasn't wearing all those, so I was just a little confused. Oh wow.
Speaker 1:Jesus, was it five shots or was it six? Well, punk ask yourself. Well, punk ask yourself.
Speaker 2:Well, at least we can't see that. I mean, if you're holding a clip or four little bullets, I can imagine that I would get confused by that, but he throws out some giant axe things. I was like where did that?
Speaker 1:come from these special axe knives. So Alfred Molina runs a giant ostrich race in the city of the slaves or something, the Valley of the slaves or something, yeah, and what we find out is he has planted this story about this place being like the most dangerous place ever, yeah, and then he runs the ostrich races and it's just, he's just a party. No, well, it is just a party, but it's also a tax-free zone. He has set this up as a tax-free zone and I'm like, here we go. We finally got into a position of what can make this movie interesting If somebody has set up a personal dynamic within this otherwise very boring story.
Speaker 2:And he's great. He's great, but you know, stan needs to have his own thing.
Speaker 1:maybe, maybe something like that, I don't know you kind of give your character something, something they can chew on. That's not just. I'm a guy that is the best warrior and I ride on a horse and he has nothing that's it.
Speaker 2:yeah, totally nothing. You're boring, sorry. Uh, I do love that you, and I don't know if you thought this, but I was like pretty sure that she was being sold into sex slavery at first, and then it just like they're walking through the things, like oh yes, I've taken you woman, and then you open the doors and she's just like serving drinks at the races and I was like, okay, that's a pretty good bait and switch, guys.
Speaker 1:I really enjoyed that this is what movies are supposed to be. And this is when I was like, oh, okay, I'm you know. I'm like this is going to be his team. I like this team. I'm like how are we going to work this out? I'm like this is good, this is. He made her into the drinks girl. Yeah, of all, media is surprise, even if it is funny. But it's also surprising and that's what we want. We don't want just like, well, now we're going here, we're doing this. No, do this, yeah, um. And then one of the dudes takes the knife and what is he going to do with the knife? He's going to melt it down. Melt it down. Here we have multiple jokes in a row, multiple situations that we like every one of them. They run, they get to a tunnel and they get out. Sure, yeah, um, they've. They get to avrat, they find a. The princess knows people, so she's able to get this one big guy to let her sneak in with him.
Speaker 2:And what's his name? Has to carry carry the palpit palanquin. Is that what? What did I say palpit? What is that?
Speaker 1:no idea, it's just something with a church, isn't it?
Speaker 2:there's a pulpit in a church. That's the word, probably, that I was going for, because palpit, not a word. Pal and a pet.
Speaker 1:My pet is my pal.
Speaker 2:I wish.
Speaker 1:So they sneak in, they parkour into his dad's dead body and then leaves a note for the uncle or something.
Speaker 2:Let's do a real quick chat about the parkour in this movie. Yes, very important to the game series. That's the whole game series like the whole gameplay. Okay, is like he's a parkour dude. Right, that's, I'm a parkour dude. Yep, they clearly have people that can do parkour in this movie, but again, it's shot in a way that it doesn't show off the individual doing the parkour. And I will once again go back to Arrow, a shitty CW television show.
Speaker 2:They hired a guy that looks similar to Stephen Amell and he parkours the shit out of it and they shoot it wide so you can watch him literally jumping building to building, tumbling. That's what I want to see. I want to see a dude that can do shit. That's cool. That I can't do. I don't want you to cut away as he's doing it. I have to imagine that he can do it. You hired a guy that can do it. Let me see him do it. This director, I don't like him.
Speaker 1:I'm mad at him. I mean, yeah, we like to see stuff.
Speaker 2:He took away my joy Alright, and I don't like that.
Speaker 1:Meets with the uncle, goes to pull out the dagger. Oh, the princess did a switch on him and he has to flee.
Speaker 2:And Ben Kingsley, super bad guy right. Everybody knows he's the bad guy.
Speaker 1:And then the new king is all like, okay, we're going to find this man and we're going to put him on public trial.
Speaker 2:And then Uncle's like no, we're going to put him on secret trial and cut off his tongue and kill him.
Speaker 1:Okay, uncle goes to the Assassin City and hires the Super Snake Assassin.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't love Super Snake Assassin. I'm not a huge fan. I didn't totally understand him.
Speaker 1:He's got a big scar. He has magic snakes that he can magic snake you with.
Speaker 2:Right? Is that his only power is making snakes? I don't know, I'm not. He also makes sand whirls. I don't understand his powers, do?
Speaker 1:you know what I?
Speaker 2:mean.
Speaker 1:All I know is that when I wrote my Space Duck Mars story, which is basically on the desert- I had a big sandstorm and they had to fight snakes.
Speaker 2:So you got to do it. Oh, okay, there you go. Well, you just copied this movie. These are the tropes. You got to go with the tropes. Are we in the desert? We need snakes, snakes in the desert everybody.
Speaker 1:Dustin catches up to the princess Tell me the truth. And then she's all like don't know. And then he's like there's a sandstorm coming. She's like we should leave and he's like you don't know anything about sandstorms you fool.
Speaker 2:Only what did he say? Something like only I don't know. Only somebody would try to run during a sandstorm. I would try to run. I don't know how sandstorms work. I watched tom cruise do it in mission impossible.
Speaker 1:He outran a sandstorm, so I think it's fine and it's just kind of like what you're like the you said your sandstorm, explaining to her she lives in the same desert you do they all live clearly not dan all right, he's a street guy.
Speaker 2:Okay, he doesn't live in a castle, but he does. He super does.
Speaker 1:I don't know and then they like they hide out in the, the tent and basically nothing happens. It's like the most.
Speaker 2:I don't know if you've ever been in a sandstorm, dan, but tents impervious to wind, so it's fine, I mean but there should have been like some amount of.
Speaker 1:You know, like they roll down there and they're on top of each other. Then they're kissing oh okay, yeah, then she tells him the whole story Basically.
Speaker 2:Then she tells him the whole story basically what's changed from before the sandstorm to now that she's like okay, I'll tell you everything they have time, they have time uh, yes, a movie all about time travel.
Speaker 1:So the gods got sick of human beings because they were dicks, so they made a giant sandstorm, and then this one girl was like come on, bro and don't do it they were all like, okay, we're gonna put this in a in a underground and but you're, you're gonna be in charge of it and if you decide to let it out, it's just gonna randomly kill everyone, so don't yeah, do that, but also you can go back in time and have magic powers.
Speaker 2:Right, which makes perfect sense to me. I was so confused. Listen, the script itself is fine. I don't dislike the script, but this was overly complicated and confusing to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're not quite sure why they needed this magical sandstorm that was going to re-kill everybody because they kind of did it at the end and then they were like no, we're not really doing that sandstorm that kills everybody. I'm like I don't get that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's all very confusing. Also, she, so she's the girl. Right, I'm not dumb. No, she's the girl. No, she's not the girl.
Speaker 1:She's um, she's from the lineage of the girl. She right, I'm not dumb. No, she's the girl. No, she's not the girl. She's from the lineage of the girl.
Speaker 2:She's a descendant of the bloods.
Speaker 1:Remember the mummy yeah.
Speaker 2:I remember the mummy.
Speaker 1:It's the same thing, right, imhotep. You know, those guys are the-.
Speaker 2:The sexy guys in black yeah, they're sworn to protect it over time. Hell yeah, and it's great, it all makes sense.
Speaker 1:This doesn't make a lot of sense.
Speaker 2:So there's a sandstorm that the gods created To kill all of men. To kill dudes, except the.
Speaker 1:British guys, so there's no sandstorm, of course.
Speaker 2:What was doing all?
Speaker 1:this Great Good stuff. Now take over the whole world, you bastards. Well, that's kind of what they do.
Speaker 2:I know okay. So she asked the gods to stop and they're like conditionally, you're pure. So right, like you seem like a good kid. Well, we'll, we'll. We'll not do this plan, but we created this sandstorm. Couldn't they just stop the sandstorm? I don't know god's work, no, but it seems weird that they're like okay, we've created something we can't totally control so we're gonna hide it in a giant hourglass underground of lava time.
Speaker 2:And then, and then you have special powers that you don't. That don't relate to anything we've created or done. Here's a knife that goes back in time. Why is that? Doesn't correlate with with what they've created, correct? And then and then, like, the one thing you can't do is use the knife that we gave you to pierce the hourglass that we've created.
Speaker 1:Yes, right, I don't know. I think they wanted there to be some level of jeopardy of the whole thing which didn't make any sense.
Speaker 2:It was very confusing, like if you're going back in time?
Speaker 1:how does a sandstorm destroy the world?
Speaker 2:It doesn't make any sense it doesn't. It doesn't, I don't know Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, boom, they get to the oasis. At the oasis, boom, alfred Molina comes back into the movie. The movie starts again. Thank goodness, yeah, thank God, start the movie again.
Speaker 2:And he comes in with a bang. Do you remember his line? I don't remember exactly what it is, but he's basically like thank God you're back, Alfred. I missed you so much.
Speaker 1:That's not the best part. Oh, what's the best part? Because the ostrich, they're in the oasis and then they look up and here comes an ostrich that has a cloth over his face and you're like what is happening? I don't understand anything that's happening in this team and he shows up and talks about. He lost his whole. You know the problems they caused. They lost the whole ostrich race. He only has one ostrich left.
Speaker 1:Ostriches are suicidal, so he has to care specifically for this ostrich. He pulls off its thing and it's there being a dinosaur. You know, ostriches are dinosaurs, they're like brr brr, brr. And he's just like right there, just right there in the frame with it, and I'm like he loves this creature. He loves this creature more than these guys love their brothers.
Speaker 2:He loves it more than anything. Yeah, no, it's wonderful, he's great. We should just be about him. I don't know.
Speaker 1:We see the dervishes coming, the spinning things and boom, the snakes attack. And it turns out he has to use the dagger to kill all the snakes, because the snakes are sent by the assassin. And then in the morning they're like what happened last night and he's all like assassin. And what does he say? He says that's why I don't pay taxes. Yeah.
Speaker 2:He's got some great stuff.
Speaker 1:Now I've got this weird setup where there's, like, this magic cave, that if you go to the magic cave you can make the dagger be absorbed into a rock.
Speaker 2:Right, which I don't understand.
Speaker 1:That's weird. And then they're like the Alfred Molina like and there'll be gold there. And there actually was gold. There was gold for him there.
Speaker 2:Which is great because he needs it.
Speaker 1:I don't have enough horses when he finally gets the gold I'm like, thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, give the man his gold.
Speaker 1:So they go there, pile of rocks. She's like give me the dagger, Don't cut yourself. The whole village is dead. She's going to put the dagger in the stone. His brother shows up. His brother shows up with his people because they're tracking him too.
Speaker 2:And he's mad.
Speaker 1:Then we have this really nice brother moment where like usually the brothers are all like, oh, this is going to be a big fight, but's all like, bro, you're my brother, let me tell you, let me, dumb, dumb, listen to me. He says listen to me.
Speaker 2:And the character listens to him and mostly believes him yeah, which is why he needs to be killed and he walks out, because otherwise the movie's over walks out the cave immediately killed, yeah, almost. As soon as that happens, I'm like, oh well, he's dead, because we got an hour left of this movie and someone can't believe him already. That's not going to work out.
Speaker 1:It's so nice when you yeah 100%, Because of the conceit that we're going to kill everyone and then bring them back, but we still get characters believing each other and those are moments that mean something to me Because he would believe him yeah 100%. He would listen to him. He wouldn't just like you've only been my brother for 15 years Instead of anything, I just need to stick a knife in you as quickly as possible. No people listen to each other.
Speaker 2:Well, some people, dan, some. What does that mean? You don't listen to a word. I say Dan Shannon always says that and I'm like you're right. Oh, so you're listening to Shannon. Yeah, that makes sense. She's your wife.
Speaker 1:Good choice. Most of the time, do not listen to her and she'll tell you that. Take me back alive. Dies.
Speaker 2:the assassins fly out of the clouds, because now they're in the clouds yeah, that was a weird shot, right, especially the first one, because it comes, you have, like, the weapons, which is fine, but then there's just a random person that like appears through clouds. You're like what? What's happening? I don't is it? Is it from the sky? I don't understand what's going on.
Speaker 1:It comes out of the clouds. It's like is it smoke? It's got to be clouds, because if you saw smoke. You'd be like there's smoke right there, where's the smoke at?
Speaker 2:No one go there.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I don't know Okay, so they steal the dagger.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well sure.
Speaker 1:And then they almost kiss oh no, they didn't steal the dagger yet. They almost kiss in the cave. And then Mr Whip comes Whip, whip, whip whip, whip, whip, whip, whip whip. And then the brother that we thought was dead wasn't dead, but he's alive enough to stop the whip guy.
Speaker 2:And then he dies, he dies. So that's a nice little thing that he does. And do you notice how he killed? Him, he did the old animal trick where you put the steak in the ground and the guy fell on it or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he set pikes. Set the pike. That's what they would do. You know, in big warfare you'd have your big shield and you'd have your pike, and then, if the cavalry was charging, you'd hold your shield and then you'd put your pike into the ground, and then you'd have less horses in the world.
Speaker 2:Which is very sad. Yeah, Humans are the worst. Just walk guys, you sons of bitches.
Speaker 1:Walk. The bad guy delivers the dagger inside of a snake.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I guess the snake ate it. And then he brought the snake back and then cut the snake open. I don't know.
Speaker 1:Our guys are getting their gold. Then we have this nice, nice thing where M'Baku the knife thrower and Alfred Molina have the heart-to-heart about doing the right thing.
Speaker 2:And it's a wonderful little moment. I wish I could remember exactly what he says, how he describes himself, but he's like you're a knife thrower with a with a conscience.
Speaker 2:With a conscience. I'm like a morally gray guy doing whatever he says it's very funny. And then he's like, are you sure we should do this? And the guy's like, yeah, it's the right they do is like, okay, I guess we're gonna do it, but I don't. I'm not fully on board. I love he's, just he is. He's the character I want to see the most in the movie. Yeah, him and his friend, like they have a nice rapport.
Speaker 1:They have a better rapport than jake and the lady well, because they're friends, because friends are sure people can write friends, friends is a thing you can write you know, because most people have friends. Well, tony, not so much has had friends.
Speaker 2:May have friends. Yeah, been there, done that. I'm over it.
Speaker 1:Okay, so they go there. They break in. The dagger is in a tower guarded by a demon who's covered in spikes, who you can't get anywhere near. Within like 20 feet or something's what he said right or something weird.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1:So they send in baku up there. I'm like I wonder what this is about. Well, the truth is it's just another one of the assassins who throws knives, and a lot of them, though, a lot of knives. Uh, I like the scene. The scene was really nice. It felt tense, it felt like two characters battling it out. Finally, our guy finally gets one into the guy's chest. And then we pull back and we see that he's got a bunch of knives in his chest.
Speaker 2:It's a nice little reveal he's been porcupined. This is perfect.
Speaker 1:This is how a battle should go. And then he does something very unexpected. He takes the magic knife, throws it out the window, Boom sticks in a tree right next to them.
Speaker 2:And then Alfred Molina has the callback of like have I told you about the so-and-sos? I can't remember what the tribe's name is, but it's just like, because he kept saying like, oh, they're very good at throwing knives, and it's just. It's a really nice moment, tight moment Calls back. It's beautiful. If the whole movie was as good as the Alfred Molina scenes, this movie would have made a bajillion dollars, would have been a great movie and it's pretty interesting, because a good writer can write a good scene.
Speaker 1:You know who knows what other millions of interference there were and things they cut out that they wrote. That was good. But there's enough of these little gems in there that are great. Okay, let's see, we're going to seal the gates, find him. And it turns out that the person they thought it was Gyllenhaal was actually Alfred Molina. And he's all like ah yeah, great, great. So he goes and he's able to get to his brother who's the new king? And he's all like get to his brother, who's the new king. And he's all like I got to prove a point to you, I'm going to kill myself, give you the dagger and if you push the button you could bring me back to life. I'm like okay, push the button, comes back to life. He's convinced.
Speaker 2:Great little scene. Yeah, nice little scene.
Speaker 1:That means he's going to die. Uncle shows up and kills the king pro-ops instantaneously, and then he takes the stuff and then the princess comes in there and saves Jake.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then everything starts falling apart.
Speaker 1:They go down, yes, and the whole thing, everything starts collapsing. Oh, they have to walk through the secret passage and then a rock falls from the thing and sets off the thing to fall down Chain react yeah. Then there's all this sand pouring down and he does a bunch of jumps and jumps and jumps. And then, yes, what?
Speaker 2:Just you know not great, they're not great jumps.
Speaker 1:And he has to. Yeah, it's not great but it's kind of interesting. Yeah, I mean it's fine. Right, it's fine. They don't ever take the time to have him like, be agile and funny at the same time. They have one little one where he stops for a second and you can get it.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, because he's again, basically Aladdin right. Yeah, and you know what's great about Aladdin? When he's running through Agrabah away from the knights he's throwing out quips left and right as he's dodging swords and jumping from rooftops and stuff, he's fun. He's fun and he's got a smart mouth right, Like Brendan Fraser doesn't do all those crazy things, but when he's in action scenes he's doing quips, he's being funny and charming Is he.
Speaker 1:The whole time he's doing quips.
Speaker 2:I mean maybe not the whole time, but he does Like they have. He is charming, yeah. And like Jake is missing two things One, charm and two, a hero face. I don't know if you noticed this. Throughout the movie they do close-ups when he's doing action things and he doesn't look cool. Yeah, and that's, that's it, that's the one. And that's him doing like flips and shit like this is me like doing really cool action stuff and I just look like a derp, uh, and it's just. You know, it's, it's not right, it's.
Speaker 1:It's not magical, no, it's not. And you know, like, if he, you know he's gonna make the fifth hole, then give him some lines for that, like oh no, not good, there you go, great Make, it make sense. Oh man, I caught one. You know, you've got to have him talk. Yeah, there's no reason for him to be silent.
Speaker 2:No, except for if he's not good at delivering the lines. Maybe they wrote a of them, shot him and they were like I guess we'll just have him not talk.
Speaker 1:I don't know uh assassin attacks, and then the princess grabs the snake and then she snakes the assassin in the face with his own snake that that's.
Speaker 2:I do not like that at all. That's very scary to me. You don't like it. It was good. I'm afraid of snakes and my nightmare is getting bit right in the face and seeing it happen. You know what I mean, because if it bites you somewhere low it's like, oh shoot, I got bit. But if you have to watch those jaws unlock and then it just grabs onto your face, that would be the scariest thing in the world, man. Now are you?
Speaker 1:afraid of all snakes, or just poisonous snakes?
Speaker 2:world. Man, now you're afraid of all snakes or just poisonous snakes, all snakes, all snakes are poisonous. They just some of them don't have like the teeth or something, there's something like that. So if there's like, a big, beautiful constrictor.
Speaker 1:You're not going to pick it up I would say burn it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, can we set it on fire? Because that's what I thought. No, I'm definitely. And like back in, like class, like science class, we'd have a snake come in there like, oh, who wants to hold it? And I would never, never do that. Well, can't they sense fear? Isn't that a whole thing about snakes? It's like they can sense the fear. So if someone puts a snake, you'd be like, oh, this guy's afraid, I'm going to kill him. And then it's going to wrap around my neck and eat my head. That's what's going to happen. I, no, that's what's going to happen.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure they're just little snakes.
Speaker 2:They're evil. They're evil, slithery bastards. You have cats. Wow, how dare you compare a snake and a cat? Okay, if someone doesn't go like, oh, he's a real cat in the grass, right? No, you're a snake in the grass because snakes are bad.
Speaker 1:I like cats, but they're going to bite you and claw you to death.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, maybe. Or they're going to love you, but it's their choice. That's the difference. Dogs just love you because they're just sweet little balls of love. Yeah, a cat, you have to earn that love. Earn it.
Speaker 1:I want to dominate and get my love from a dog.
Speaker 2:Sure yeah, that makes sense To each their own.
Speaker 1:They do a big kiss and now they're going to go stop the uncle. I guess Secret stab. Oh the uncle, secret stabs him. Sure, then I wrote the word trash.
Speaker 2:Trash.
Speaker 1:Then I wrote the word save the princess, let me go, I'm not stab the button Forward. Sandstorm Rewind oh, I guess everything collapses. They end up fighting with the uncle on the thing and people are falling and not falling. Oh the princess finally is like let me go. She says let me go. I wrote that down there Let me go.
Speaker 2:So she's all like you got to solve the problem you got to go back in time before I die Because she says the line somewhere like she has to die, so the gods will forgive it or something.
Speaker 1:Oh, that is what it. There it is.
Speaker 2:That's what we missed Something really confusing, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:This is the point we missed is the evil sandstorm is coming to kill all of mankind, and she's all like you got to let me die. Right.
Speaker 2:Coming to kill all of mankind, and she's all right, you gotta let me die right, avert the sandstorm, then you can use the magic to go back and solve the problem.
Speaker 1:Right, that's what happens, but truthfully, she should still be dead, because the gods are not ruled by this sacrifice, right, yeah, like that's not a sacrifice at all.
Speaker 2:that's your, that's a loophole. Guys, guys, like I don't think so she's dead. She should be dead, Everyone else should be fine and he should be like. I miss her, but she did the right thing. You know what?
Speaker 1:I mean, don't say that lie, that's all in the eyes.
Speaker 2:Here's a note for Jake Gyllenhaal Act with your eyes, buddy.
Speaker 1:Get that man some eyes Riding over the stabbed and the idea is the uncle wants to go back in time to when they were kids. And he saved him from this lion, and then you have to live your whole childhood again.
Speaker 2:Yes, please.
Speaker 1:Oh, you would love that.
Speaker 2:I would love that, because you know what Adulthood sucks. Let's go back to kids.
Speaker 1:That was the only time you were successful in your life is your childhood.
Speaker 2:Are you kidding me? I was popular as shit, Dan. That's not true.
Speaker 1:That's not true at all. So we go all the way back and boom, we're right at the point I don't know what you said because I wasn't listening to you you, son of a bitch. The point at which Jake got the knife from the guy on the horseback and boom, his best buddy's still alive Now. How did he go exactly to where?
Speaker 2:Because the gods, because the gods? Ah, yes, the gods, the gods. Okay, but they still wanted to force her to marry Jake. So they were like we can't go back too far, because then she will be forced to marry him. So let's go back just the right amount.
Speaker 1:The battle is over, so his buddy's fine. Um, and then jake like takes to the stairs and gives a speech. Uh, good speech.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's fine yeah, he can deliver, like deliver speech lines. Yeah, he's not charming, that's my problem. He's not like a fun, charming leading man, he's like that. Hey, I'm a little serious actor and I do dramatic stuff.
Speaker 1:Oh, you think that's what it is.
Speaker 2:I don't think that's how he thinks, but I think that's what his strengths are, Sure Like real acting. Quote unquote yeah.
Speaker 1:So it was good speech and basically he's, like you know, uncle's bad. And then he has to convince everybody and then he's basically they get to. Well, let's find the spy that had the weapons and we'll beat the shit out of him and get the truth. The uncle realizes that the uh he's in trouble because that's gonna work so he, he attacks jake and some of his dudes attack him, and then we eventually throw him off uh, throw him off a balustrade and he dies.
Speaker 2:Well, no, no, no. He throws him down off the stairs, then jumps down and then fights some more and then he's like I'm going to leave you alive, but you're a bad guy. And then he starts walking away. Ben Kingsley gets up and is about to kill him, and then the king swords him to death, which feels unnecessary, because he could take Ben Kingsley. Let's be honest. Yeah, but yeah, now he's dead.
Speaker 1:And then we go in there and he gets to marry the princess and the princess is like, oh, I don't know about this Against her will hey, happy ending. But he kind of goes like, oh, you're going to like to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a little wink nudge nudge. Yeah, it's kind of nice. Yeah, it's fine, it's fine.
Speaker 1:Like you say, if there was even more chemistry it would have been even better. There's definitely better lines you could have written for this Sure, but it was fine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's totally fine, totally fine.
Speaker 1:There was enough enjoyable in this movie that the second half of it was enjoyable.
Speaker 2:If Alfred Molina is not in this movie, it's not good. You know what I mean? No, not at all, but he is, so it's fine.
Speaker 1:And that's just the proof. A good supporting actor can raise your movie up.
Speaker 2:Amen to that man. That's why I'm always so shocked when, like, character and side actors are like I want to be a, I want to be the lead, I want to be the guy. It's like you really don't, I promise you. You don't like sure, they get the most fame or whatever right, but you are the heart and soul of the movie. If you aren't there to support this person who's not nearly as good as you, it all falls apart. I don't know, I just always thought that it's the unsung hero. I guess Right, tony's life, the unsung hero.
Speaker 2:I wish I'm not even in the ring.
Speaker 1:Tony just wants to be put in. Put me in coach.
Speaker 2:Put me in coach, just like high school, all over again.
Speaker 1:Now we talk about something we liked this week. I think it's. Amazon Prime has the new. I think the show's called Laugh Out Loud or something. It's basically they put 10 comedians in a room for six hours and then they all try and make each other laugh. This time it's all British comedians, it's all a bunch of Taskmaster comedians.
Speaker 2:You love them.
Speaker 1:I love them and everyone's great, sure, and they're all super pros, and so they're all. You know they're all. And what gets the people is just. It can be literally nothing. And this there's one there. One of the people goes out on the a little crack from somebody leaning back in a chair. That's what takes them out and you're like that is, that's what humor. You humor is that thing you can't imagine. And these are people that have seen everything, and so the things that gets them are the things that are just inconsequential in life.
Speaker 2:And that's what's special about comedy. You know. So if he breaks, then you lose and you're out.
Speaker 1:You have two. You have two. Okay, you get a yellow card, then you get a red card, so the second time.
Speaker 2:So it's like football, yeah, the second time you break up you.
Speaker 1:The second time you break up you're out. Okay Interesting. And you know we used to do that in improv, where you do that, and I remember I was doing it with Kevin I don't remember Kevin's last name, kevin's super funny and I was very good at it.
Speaker 2:Well, sure.
Speaker 1:And you know, I was like, you know, I think it was just him and me and he just did something so funny, was like I'm gonna laugh because you know, you deserve it, he deserves it he did the. You know we get that in the last two. He was funnier than I was at that point.
Speaker 2:You know, not laughing is the thing I can mostly control you know, that's just a control issue, but it was always fun doing those because yeah, I didn't find them all that fun Only because I'm really good at not finding other people funny, really.
Speaker 1:Imagine that, Tony.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it wasn't that hard for me to just be like I'm not going to laugh at any fucking thing you do, because I think you're an idiot and that's not fun for either people.
Speaker 1:But would you beat me?
Speaker 2:You couldn't beat me I probably wouldn't beat you because you wouldn't laugh. You know what I mean. And I'd destroy you.
Speaker 1:Oh, you think so, oh yeah, I'm a stone cold killer.
Speaker 2:We would just be standing there for days? We won't be standing there. Are you all over coming on to?
Speaker 1:me. That's the thing I. I'm always like you gotta, you gotta be going for the kiss?
Speaker 2:oh, go in for the kiss. Oh, yeah, go in for the kiss, and 99% of the time you'll make them break.
Speaker 1:You got to go in. There's no such thing as personal space in those battle zones.
Speaker 2:Yeah, amen to that.
Speaker 1:You get to the last few people. That's one thing I learned from improv. It's like personal space is like no yeah, when you're stupid enough to come on the stage, right you're in for it.
Speaker 2:We all, we all signed a non-verbal contract. We are here and all bets are off. So, tony, tell us about the mummy. Yeah, I mean, I, I watched, uh, the mummy and pirates because I just wanted, I was just like I have to see them both and they're both perfect movies. So again, I know that it's an unfair comparison right, because you're looking at the best of the best, at something that's just. I just want something that's good enough and and it's, it's close, it's it's it's close but it's not quite there.
Speaker 2:And that's what gets me mad is that I, it's, it's there and you could have done it and you didn't, and that's what upsets me. But I mean, the mummy is just my god. This cast is unbelievable and I, I, I, you know, you know the cast matters right, like that's always. You always know that, yeah, but seeing such stark examples of it, for me I would watch brendan and rachel do anything together, because I know that they will. Whatever it is their chemistry, that lightning between them is going to be there and I don't care what they're doing. It will be enjoyable, you know, and that's just. That's just not in this movie and that's really important in a movie that is a basically a journey of these two people, like we're with you most. The movie I need to be enjoying myself with you and I just, you know it's, it's, it's good to see that in action and not as at the same time.
Speaker 1:You think about the costuming in this movie because you don't want there's nothing to think about in the costuming. I was, I was looking at Jake at one point and and he had a band here and a band here and a band here and. I'm just like, this is not a.
Speaker 2:You think about.
Speaker 1:Brendan Fraser. He's got the white shirt and the horseman's pants, and he's got the guns and you're just like this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the holster's very sexy, by the way.
Speaker 1:This is a guy. And then Rachel's got her doing her sort of librarian, buttoned up, and I'm sure, as she goes along through the movie that becomes looser and her hair becomes crazier. You know she's more open to the situation. It's like the princess in this thing always the same sort of boring, 100%. It's not that even it's boring, it's just there's nothing iconic going on in anything of these things. Yeah, and you got to figure that out because these are adventure heroes.
Speaker 2:And also one thing that bothers me is that the action isn't funny, like there's some cool action, some not a lot. There's a lot of bad action in this movie, but there's no moments that are comedically action. There's a moment in the Mummy where they're in a gunfight on a boat, on a riverboat and bullet holes are going through the wall as Brendan is reloading his gun and they're getting closer and closer and he's not noticing and she just pulls him over six inches as another one goes right by his head and he's just reloading the gun and doesn't even clock it. Really, and it's just like this, it's just such a nice moment and there's no, there's no like breath. There's no moments in this, in in this movie, that it's like oh, that's a. I love that Way to go for that, because you have to think about those things like you want. The action can't just be like oh, we're going, going, going, going, going, we're done. Like, take a beat in the moment and have a moment, I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's like when she grabbed the snake and then put it into his face. You're like here we go, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That is a thing that she can do. These other guys are distracted. She's the one, she's the outlier, she does the thing you know and and you, you have to lead up to all that and yeah, yeah, she's the outlier, so she could move him out of the way, save his life and not expect to get, you know, maybe give him crap about it later. She's like I saved you and he's like you didn't save me I saved you, you know here we have a thing that they can argue about because he didn't see it, she saw it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there we have. There, we have a thing that they can argue about because he didn't see it, she saw it. There we have a sticking point. It's good stuff. You have this princess do something to save Jake or whatever, and then she's like well, I got that. Saying he's like well. I had the.
Speaker 1:We want that, you want that interaction, because that's where these two characters are going to find who they are together, and mostly it's like oh yeah, she knocked you. You know, she should have tried to knock him out like that and he should have just been like what are you doing? Sure, right.
Speaker 2:Because that's not going to knock him out. Stop it. That's not going to knock him out, unless she kills him.
Speaker 1:Unless it's like hemorrhaging brain, it's not gonna knock him out. He should just be like what are you?
Speaker 2:doing. She's all like. He's like get up, here's some more. You know, yeah, I don't know whatever. And so the other thing, just real quickly. I know that I'm gonna make it run long again, I'm sorry everybody this one's actually very short, don't be for pirates.
Speaker 2:I actually found a lot of comparisons in uh, orlando bloom's will and jake gyllenhaal's dastan. The problem is, will not the main character of pirates of the caribbean jake probably shouldn't be the main character of it because he's he's dull, he's serious, he doesn't do the fun stuff, and will doesn't either. Like kiera knightley is funnier than he is. And then you have jack sparrow, which is the character we follow, which is more like alfred molina. You know what I'm like? I don't know, it's just, it's just like they're like okay, well, what if we do that? But we follow the character everyone likes the least, let's do that movie well, pirates works, because jack sparrow's not a leading man.
Speaker 1:100 the leading man is your other guy who's leading, you know, is on a parallel course with them.
Speaker 2:Who's not the main character? He's not the main character. Yeah, that's the subversion that makes it work so brilliantly and it's just like you know it's boring the other way around, guys.
Speaker 1:And you know you have that sort of triangle in Pirates where yeah where all the characters are necessary, but not one of them is truly, yeah, you know, fully driving, driving everything constantly. You have three that's great three stories that are nicely intertwined.
Speaker 2:That's so hard to do well, yeah, it's so hard that they tried to recreate it and, like the rest, of them are all still fun, but they're not they never come close yeah, they never come close to that original.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it's time that we talk about another movie to watch.
Speaker 2:Let's do it. Hit me, what do we?
Speaker 1:got. Do you have Apple TV?
Speaker 2:Of course I do. Yeah, ted Lasso, we watch it all the time.
Speaker 1:We're obsessed with it Ted Lasso.
Speaker 2:Season four has been officially announced.
Speaker 1:Very exciting. We just finished Severance. Oh yeah, there's so many people talking about it and most of them aren't getting it. Everybody gets so buried in the like. Well, what does this mean? And what's happening here and you're just like nope, it's characters, we're talking about characters.
Speaker 2:Welcome to watching Lost. 20 years ago, that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 1:Same thing with Lost. It's like I watched it until they killed the main character and then I turned it up. Well, I kept watching it, but I was never satisfied. You were never yeah sure I get that. You know you kill the best character. You're going to get my ire, even if you keep the same actor and you kill the same main character.
Speaker 2:I'm going to hate you for that.
Speaker 1:Dan, the same main character. I I'm gonna no thanks, I'm gonna hate you for that. Dan's too smart for you. Um, so yeah, severance in my opinion. Great characters right to the end. You know, talking about character issues and you know everybody wants to make it about the pseudo-religion stuff. And what are they going to do and what does the magic mean and why? Why?
Speaker 2:why why?
Speaker 1:how can there be this, how can this be that you know?
Speaker 2:it's not that You're watching the show wrong, you're watching it wrong. Those are all things that help us delve into these characters more. That's it. That's what we're. It's fine, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1:That's the way people are, but so we're going to pick another movie that I'm sure is packed with character, packed with good times, someone I don't think we've ever done before, but someone we have done before.
Speaker 2:Okay, a little something new, A little something old.
Speaker 1:Miles Teller. You know you love him, Miles.
Speaker 2:Teller.
Speaker 1:One of my favorites, anya Taylor-Joy Never made a bad mistake. What's the movie? It's called the Gorge. I don't You've never even heard of this movie. I've never even heard of this movie.
Speaker 2:What is this? The Gorge. You've never even heard of this movie. What is this?
Speaker 1:The Gorge Brand new movie on Apple TV.
Speaker 2:The Gorge 2025. Okay.
Speaker 1:I'm in. You've completely missed the Gorge. I'm so happy it is not one. I think anyone's talking about Sure.
Speaker 2:Mystery thriller.
Speaker 1:Basically these two people I think one is American and one is Russian on opposite sides of this gorge and they observe it because there's monsters down in the gorge that can crawl out.
Speaker 2:It's kind of the Great Wall.
Speaker 1:It's kind of Apple TV's Great Wall, if you remember that one.
Speaker 2:Not only do I remember that someone in the movie we just watched had something to do with the Great Wall, and I wish I had the IMDb pulled up right now. It was either the director directed it or one of the writers wrote it there it is One of the two. Somebody on Prince of Persia also helped make the Great Wall, and that just tells you everything you need to know.
Speaker 1:These guys are going to lean over and they're going to shoot arrows down. It's going to be great and they're going to come up the thing. So yeah, so we're going to the Gorge next week.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm so excited. I've never heard of this movie. I'm ready man. This is great.
Speaker 1:They spend millions and you hire Anya Taylor-Joy and Miles Teller.
Speaker 2:I'm not a big Miles Teller fan.
Speaker 1:No, you love him.
Speaker 2:No, I've only really enjoyed him in.
Speaker 1:what's that drum Whiplash, that's what it's called right, he is in Whiplash.
Speaker 2:Wonderful, wonderful film, right. And then you know, I guess I like him in Top Gun, Maverick, but that's more just because he's in an amazing movie. He's not great Think about Whiplash. I think about it a lot JK.
Speaker 1:Simmons is my hero. I love that movie because at the end they just completely invalidate him which I think is just so beautiful. He's like I'm all that and a piece of cheese, and then they're all like you're really not important.
Speaker 2:Not really Shit.
Speaker 1:That tells you everything. Really not important, not really Shit.
Speaker 2:Okay, that tells you everything you need to know about reality, because that's how reality really is. Unfortunately, that is correct.
Speaker 1:If you like what you see, give us a thumbs up, leave us a comment or subscribe. Those are all things you can do to help out the podcast slash YouTube show. We're going to be back next week talking about the gorge.
Speaker 2:Goodbye everybody, Tony.