Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Kraven the Hunter: A Humorous Critique of Ambition, Absurdity, and CGI Missteps
What happens when a notorious villain tries to play the hero? The answer might leave you scratching your head as we untangle the cinematic web of "Kraven the Hunter." Imagine a film with all the ambition of "John Wick" but none of the coherence or thrill—yep, that's Kraven. We kick off with a side-splitting chat about voice impersonations before launching into our critique of this ambitious yet flawed film. Spoiler alert: CGI doesn't always cut it, especially when practical stunts could have put some much-needed bite into this toothless tale.
Our conversation takes a detour into the strange world where wildebeests have a "Hakuna Matata" moment in Russia and robots drop candy like it's hot at the movie theater. We also couldn't resist poking fun at a comic book character named Tony, a.k.a. the Foreigner, whose hypnotic abilities left us both baffled and amused. Along the way, we sprinkle in our excitement for upcoming films like "Ballerina" with Ana de Armas and the next "Knives Out" installment, which we hope won't leave us craving more like Kraven did.
Finally, we dissect the chaos of mismatched characters and plot holes big enough to trap a rhino—literally. From a forgettable family dynamic led by Russell Crowe to the surreal transformation of a character into the Chameleon, the absurdities keep piling up. As we wrap up our thoughts on this peculiar entry into the cinematic universe, we ponder how Kraven's legacy could have been salvaged with a touch more humor, chemistry, and a dash less CGI. So, if you're ready for a wild ride through the jungle of Kraven's missteps, grab your popcorn and join us for this candid and entertaining exploration.
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Are you the same as a cow, Tony?
Speaker 2:I think a lot of people would say yes Dan, yes you are. I think you should have picked a different mammal.
Speaker 1:You know what? You're taking off that shirt and seeing all the black and white spots.
Speaker 2:Moo.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:That's actually pretty good. I spent a lot of time in the Midwest, dan Wow, I've seen my share of cows I can't.
Speaker 1:Why can't you do that with you? Why can't you use that vocal chameleon skill?
Speaker 2:in any other way yeah, in, give me an example, I'll do right now. Well, you like can't do voices. I can do voices. What kind of voice? Give me a. Set me up a new yorker. Set me up A New Yorker. Hey, I'm New York. What's the matter? You New Jersey? Strong, I'm across the river. What are you going to do? Welcome to Ain't Watching With Dan and Tony. It's like watchin' game.
Speaker 1:Welcome to hey watchin' with Dan and Tony. I'm Dan, I'm Tony. On this show we talk about a movie. The movie in question this week is Kraven the Hunter. One of those crazy Sony Marvel movies where, since they sort of own Spider-Man, they also sort of have access, slash ownership of all of his villains and so they make Venom movies and they make Madam Web movies.
Speaker 1:And so then they were like you know what we could do? Spider-man's greatest foe of all time, kraven the Hunter. We can turn him into a good guy and have him battle bad guys.
Speaker 2:He's not a bad guy, he's a good guy. Have him battle a bad guy.
Speaker 1:He's not a bad guy, he's a good guy.
Speaker 2:He's not a bad guy, no, no, he's like a poor man's John Wick. Right, he's got a list or whatever and he's taking people off the list. I never saw a list. I never saw a list. One time he says, oh, you're on my list.
Speaker 1:What's going on with that? He found that book in that guy's desk and he said that's the list. But the list had already been mentioned. It's like the bonus list.
Speaker 2:It's the bonus list. My old list is full. I got a new list now. I got too many lists. I don't understand this movie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, john Wick, the John Wick movies action packed are great really good movies and you watch a sad movie like this and you're just like go watch the John Wick movies go watch any movie.
Speaker 2:I'm going to pitch a movie at the end of this that you can watch for free, and you should watch it over this movie any day.
Speaker 1:Have you watched the Trailer for the Ballerina movie?
Speaker 2:I have not yet. Is it good yeah?
Speaker 1:She was in that one James Bond movie, ana de Armas, sure, yeah, and she was so good being an action star, you're like. Then they were like, who are we going to get? And they were like her because that one segment in that one movie and you were like yep, they chose correctly?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's all you need. Oh, is she the one? Oh, she's the one in Ghosted with Chris Evans. Remember that movie? Did we do that movie? We did not do that movie because.
Speaker 1:I've not seen that movie.
Speaker 2:It's bad.
Speaker 1:She was also. She's the woman she's in Knives Out, she's the niece or whatever.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, no okay, I know who she is. Yeah, yeah, I love that movie. Yeah, I do. Did you watch the teaser for the new one? It's all about dead people, or?
Speaker 1:I'm trying to think if I watched the teaser, I don't.
Speaker 2:Waking a dead man. What is it called? I don't know.
Speaker 1:I saw the cast and I'm like that's the movie I'm most excited about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Wake.
Speaker 2:Up Dead man. Yeah, that's pretty close, it's going to be so good. I'm excited to see where three lands on the spectrum, but this household loves them both equally, but separately. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:They're very different, and the first one's fine. It's just had a couple of things in there that I did not like, and then it just I don't know whatever we're talking about. Craven the hunter 20 are we?
Speaker 2:I think we're doing our best not to talk about craven the hunter uh, two hours and seven minutes, we're like wow, okay, it's a good one I didn't necessarily get super bored during this movie oh really, yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 1:I was pretty bored, you're pretty bored for most of it here's.
Speaker 2:Here's what. Here's what I'll say. We were kind of chatting last night while we were watching it, the wife and I. Yeah, and it's not the worst movie no, not at all We've ever done but it might just be the most bland movie we've ever done.
Speaker 1:It's about as it's up there, it's about as vanilla as you get and as you watch it, like certainly the first 10 minutes. You know the setup. I just sat there afterwards and I was like you needed to make that 17 or 20 minutes Sure, and you needed to make it good.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean good would have been great. Even if they kept it at the 10 minutes and they made it good, I would have been at least okay with it. I still would have been like I'm still not quite where I think I should be with where we're going for the rest of the movie, but at least it would have been entertaining. That would have been something.
Speaker 1:They should have just, you know, sit in a room watch John Wick. One of my favorite movies is that movie, rrr, which is an Indian action adventure movie. I went back and I watched some of the emotional scenes in that and some of the action scenes in that. I mean that movie. If I watch the emotional scenes I just start crying. I'll just start crying.
Speaker 1:Every time I watch it, it gets me every time. And then you watch the action things and you're just like they get me. Every time I'm just like oh wow, oh, look at that happen. Oh, look at that happen. Oh, look, that's happened. And you're like you gotta have that in your in some part of your movie, because you can watch something you can steal from these other movies, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, there's nothing. There's nothing special in what you know. I'm gonna wrap a cable around rhino and then have him pulled by wildebeest to death. Which confused me because. I thought he was super heavy. I thought he was super heavy. Dan, is he not super heavy?
Speaker 2:Because, just minutes before our, lead guy goes gosh, you're so heavy, and then he's fine to get pulled around like a ragdoll.
Speaker 1:Well, that literally kills him. Spoilers, that kills him. Yeah, sure, with his.
Speaker 2:Spoilers that kills him. Yeah, sure, with his tough exterior and whatnot, it's fine. Yeah, don't worry about that, he's fine.
Speaker 1:Wait what.
Speaker 2:The gravel cut him up pretty good. Okay, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, these wildebeests are stronger than the rhino. It's superhuman.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know, I mean you know if the Hulk was standing?
Speaker 1:because the Rhino one of my prime childhood comic books. It's Hulk versus Rhino.
Speaker 2:And Rhino can beat up the Hulk. Sure right, so that doesn't make any sense in this world.
Speaker 1:That doesn't make a lick of sense. Normal animal, you know, normal sort of beast animal can kill.
Speaker 2:Just destroy him. Destroy him Quickly, quickly, quickly. Yeah, made quick business of his body.
Speaker 1:Craving the hunter.
Speaker 2:Oh, we're starting over. Damn it, we were just at the end. End of the show.
Speaker 1:We start with the Russian music. We see a truck on an ice road. There's prisoners. They're in a chain gang. The one prisoner somehow they're not chained together and he just sneaks off to take his own piss. You're like that's kind of nice.
Speaker 2:It's honestly not the worst prison I've ever seen.
Speaker 1:It's like wandering off. You're like I don't think that's how it works. I don't think you're allowed to just wander off.
Speaker 2:Okay, but come back. Come back in five. We're watching you.
Speaker 1:Hey, get to the prison. Everybody's very excited. New meat, do meat, do meat. New meat, not do meat. They're going to probably do the meat and it's he's like I don't like cellmate. I ate my last cellmate for my dinner and he's like well, don't eat me for three days. Three days, give me three days, you're like okay, this is going to be interesting Something about three days.
Speaker 2:See, the problem is it's not going to be interesting and they fooled you. Does it take him three days? I guess it must, because when he's running away, the guy stands at the window and goes three days and he's all excited. Oh so it was three days.
Speaker 1:We didn't really show three days happening, right.
Speaker 2:No, we didn't show three days and maybe he's just saying, yeah, you did it under three days, but it's unclear.
Speaker 1:yeah it's kind of like, oh, three days, I you would have been mine in the three days yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:It feels like it's been six hours. He works out in the yard for a little bit and then he escapes later yeah, that's pretty much it, it's, it's one day work there's two guys in the in the prison yard.
Speaker 1:He beats up two guys. And so then they they're like okay, since you beat up two of the guys, you gotta see the boss. And then he's just like boss is like I'm the boss and he's like I kill people like you because you're a gun runner. And then he kills three guys in a room, one of which with this like tooth of a tiger rug yeah and then he runs away, he gets out, he pulls like this whole bar thing off and climbs wall and it doesn't look right.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. No, the physics of the CGI never works for me in this movie. That's it.
Speaker 1:The parkour looks okay at times, for me, it goes from okay to not okay.
Speaker 2:Right. Yeah, I'm not saying it's zero, but there's moments where you're like I don't like it. I don't know, maybe I'm just getting old and I'm just, I just want practical effects. I don't know, I'm over this cgi nonsense everybody always talks about the daredevil shows.
Speaker 1:I haven't watched them, but there's like you know, I gotta. I got to watch this. I'm going to watch him at some point.
Speaker 2:But you got to watch. Just watch episode two, the hallway fight. Holy buckets, Dan and that's what they explained.
Speaker 1:You know we were watching one of those. Isn't there a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible where he's in that breaks out of the prison at the beginning of the movie?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, he's like incredible, got his guy on the thing. He's like open the doors. He's like I'm not gonna do it, you know he has a whole plan. This thing, this thing is just like I'm gonna get in there and I could just pull bars apart and do whatever.
Speaker 2:I need to do and then crawl around and flip up to something which I was. He like grabs the bar and then flips up.
Speaker 1:I don't think that's how anything works yeah, and you're just like, if you'd have designed this better, it would. It might've been a good movie.
Speaker 2:Here's what I'm going to say right now.
Speaker 1:If you'd have made a good movie, it would have been a good movie.
Speaker 2:Made a good movie. This would have been an okay movie 15 years ago. I don't know what the real date is. 15 years ago, a wonderful television show debuted. It's called arrow on the cw, which has dirt, dirt cheap budgets, and they do a scene where oliver queen is escaping a similar type situation and he's doing parkour all over this place and it's so cool because not that it's steven ml, but it's.
Speaker 2:There is a stunt person doing somebody's doing off walls, he's doing shit and you're like this is cool, it doesn't cost that much to do like. This could have been a cool scene with somebody doing some remarkable stuff, because there are crazy humans out there that could do a lot of stuff. And this just felt lazy to me. It's just like okay, well, we're just computer animating him flipping through stuff. I don't care, that's not all that impressive to me, I don't care.
Speaker 1:We don't care and there's nothing intelligent about it right?
Speaker 2:No, not at all.
Speaker 1:There's nothing that you're like oh man, he, he, he knows what's happening. He, you know. He like looks at, you know, looks at his freckles and say, ah, one minute, you know, because he knows what's happening.
Speaker 2:Great he's you gotta show he's somehow smarter than everybody because he is apparently quote the greatest hunter on the planet. End quote, or something like that. He never shows me that he's a great hunter, Never once.
Speaker 1:Well, he only shows you in that he has expanded powers. Right, he's a superhuman.
Speaker 2:Which now I have a problem with.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Just a little bit. I understand that he has powers in the comic from a potion that he has to continually drink, not just once and then is good for the next 50 years. But isn't he a great hunter? Before that happens, like the whole point is, he's like the world's best game hunter, right, and then gets powers and then becomes like the greatest hunter in the universe and then wants spider-man because he's like the biggest game in town, right isn't? Am I misremembering? You mean it's?
Speaker 1:almost like you could have had a scene where you show that he's actually good at the thing that we're supposed to believe he's good, instead of a scene where he looks at a lion and then they kind of fall in love and then the dad shoots it and then he gets his ass kicked.
Speaker 2:I was a little confused. Shouldn't he be a good hunter at some point in the movie?
Speaker 1:now, did he? Well, we're gonna get to that in a second no, I agree, all right, so I'm jumping. We don't set him up as a great hunter. You know why we don't set him up as a great hunter because he's not.
Speaker 2:Okay, what's? What's the answer?
Speaker 1:what do you do in hunting?
Speaker 2:what do you do? You hunting. What do you do? You sit and you track. Those are the two things that I've done in hunting.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm not a tracker. Let me be very clear. What does a real hunter do, Tony?
Speaker 2:I sit in a duck blind or a deer stand. No, that's what you do.
Speaker 1:You're talking about a real so the real hunter that's sitting next to you, what do they do?
Speaker 2:uh well, yeah, so I'm reading a book in the stand reading a book and my dad is. My dad is doing a matilda. That was the last book I read and that was the last time he took me hunting. We were in the duck blind and I was reading matilda and like ducks came over and there's three blinds in a row. People are shooting and I'm just reading my book and my dad fucking flipped on me and he never brought me hunting again.
Speaker 1:And that's exactly what's supposed to happen. In hunting, you're supposed to kill animals.
Speaker 2:Oh guys, now I'm understanding what you're saying.
Speaker 1:You can't have animal killing in Craven the Hunter movie Right, right.
Speaker 2:Only bad guys can kill animals. Only bad guys, that's right.
Speaker 1:He can fight. I'm the world's greatest fight animals to a sand stiller.
Speaker 2:That's what he is, until they get bored and go do something else. She's been here her whole life and now she's leaving me. Well, yeah, but he's not supposed to be a good guy, Right, is he? An anti-hero in the books. I don't remember this. The only book, let's be, let's be clear the only book I actually remember is the last hunt, right craven's last hunt, or whatever where he takes over at the end of it. I mean, I mean he gives up right quits. I don't know if he's really dead.
Speaker 1:No, he commits suicide and then his ghost is floating around. That's I read. I read that is that right. I didn't't remember it.
Speaker 2:It's been a minute. All I remember is he temporarily disables Spider-Man with like tranquilizers or something and then takes over as Spider-Man and kills people and then thinks he's better than Spider-Man and then gives Spider-Man his life back Something like that. I don't know, he's got to show it and then apparently might off himself.
Speaker 1:I don't know so yeah, kraven, that whole little series there redeemed him in a lot of ways, right, because he looked really good. You were like, oh okay, he's actually doing a thing. Yeah, as opposed to just being like the guy that Spider-Man or Hulk or whatever is beating up on at the time.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Which is what I don't know, whatever, um, but yeah, he can't hurt animal. You can't show him shooting an animal, stabbing an animal, eating an animal, because they would. It would ostracize a huge amount of his population and kill a million people, right? He could like push a button and a million people died. People be like he was trying to do some good, right? And so like picking him as your guy. It's very dangerous, it's a tough sell.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's hard to navigate and they didn't do a great job.
Speaker 1:So boom, boom, boom, he gets out. He scales the wall, runs into a blizzard. There's a wolf.
Speaker 2:He looks at the wolf and intimidates it.
Speaker 1:He's like now does sort of his eyes turn a different color. I guess so yeah, now does he control animals, he can kind of does he communicate kind of is he like a doolittle kind of intimidate them and he intimidates.
Speaker 2:so he's like I'm the alpha, like that sort of thing Sort of, because I'm confused on why later the bear kills the dad. We can talk about it later.
Speaker 1:Because the bear just hated the dad in general. Oh, okay, because the bears have feelings.
Speaker 2:Okay, got it yeah.
Speaker 1:Got it. Yeah, that one guy, that guy that tried to live with the grizzlies. The grizzlies ate him one time. Wait, what one time. Wait what? This? Is this a real verner herzog movie called grizzly man, about this really kind of wacky guy who lived moved up to alaska and you know, like I'm with the bears and he'd go out where the bears were and mostly the bears, like you know, put up with him, tolerated him but with grizzly bears you sometimes you get that male.
Speaker 2:That's like fuck you get off my lawn, I'm hungry.
Speaker 1:And you know one point, one of the and your meat. So I'm just gonna today's the day bud one of the big males got sick of his bullshit and just killed him oh my god, yeah, that's it, it's a great.
Speaker 2:It's a great movie um, it doesn't sound like a great movie.
Speaker 1:It sounds like a pretty sad movie so he goes and he gets on a plane where this faceless woman that'll fly him anywhere in the world and somebody pays for that fuel. I don't know. Do we meet her again? Yeah, she flies him a couple later in the movie, but, as in any other, regard. No, she's faceless.
Speaker 2:Right, she's always facing out the window and we're looking through the cockpit, right. Yeah, we don't know who she is. No, that's all I'm trying to say it doesn't matter. She's like this faceless magic thing. I feel like it should matter. Maybe not right now, maybe in the sequel, but it feels like it should matter a little. It's a comic book movie.
Speaker 1:It's all right.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, sorry, you're right. We don't want to pay a real person, so we'll put an extra over there and just dub some lines.
Speaker 1:She takes off and then she, like you know what happens he takes off his shirt For Tony.
Speaker 2:Yeah, listen, I'm not a big fan Of Aaron. No, we can talk about that if we want to, but my god, I mean that body is now, who is this guy? I never heard of it he's um. Bullet was a bullet train. He did he's he was in the running. Yeah, he was in the running for bond, like that was like his big thing recently is like people were pushing for him to be bond and I think that's the worst choice you could ever make in the world.
Speaker 1:Who is he in Bullet Train?
Speaker 2:He's one of the thugs Right. Am I thinking of the right?
Speaker 1:I don't think he's in Bullet Train, Because Bullet Train there's the two British guys and then there's the girl, and then there's like another yeah.
Speaker 2:Aaron Taylor Johnson in Bullet Train. He's a tangerine.
Speaker 1:Oh, he's that guy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, he's one of the guys on the train. Oh, he's not.
Speaker 1:Fights with Brad Pitt a little. He's not a big buff guy in that, he's kind of a no, no, he bulked up.
Speaker 2:I'm assuming for this movie and he did a wonderful job yeah.
Speaker 1:I thought he was a good actor. I thought he was good.
Speaker 2:You know, I mean, he's fine, right. I don't think he's bad, I don't think he's charming, that's my problem. Not that he needed it in this movie, right? Like they're obviously not going for charming in this movie. I don't know what they're going for, but I didn't get charm. But I just you know, I don't know I don't get charm, but I just you know I don't know, I don't get that tingly feeling.
Speaker 1:I got dangerous bad boy from him, I guess.
Speaker 2:Oh, you didn't get enough bad boy from him. I don't. I get kind of like you know, limp noodle.
Speaker 1:Jesus, tony. Okay, we have the titles. We find out that what he did was that prisoner. He switched with him when they were taking the pee break. That was the whole bit.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, that was the bit which is something that could happen when you let your people wander off into the wilderness.
Speaker 1:I was like okay, that surprises me.
Speaker 2:Sure, it surprised you first when they let him wander off and go to the bathroom alone. But it's fine.
Speaker 1:And then we have the titles. They spent $12 designing the Kraven logo, the logo I'm like. What is this? Times New Roman? What's happening?
Speaker 2:I mean it's Times New.
Speaker 1:Roman. It was terrible. It wasn't Times New Roman, but it was just like plain white.
Speaker 2:It was very student film it was very student film 16 years earlier.
Speaker 1:We're going to meet his family. He's got a brother, dimitri. The mom committed suicide. Dad is overbearing.
Speaker 2:Russian, and she really did. Yeah, you're getting that. Rightitri, the mom committed suicide, dad is overbearing Russian. And she really did. Yeah, you're getting that right. Yeah, she was crazy. Yeah, she had mental problems.
Speaker 1:I don't get it and abuse problems. Abuse and mental problems.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's an abusive guy. I just figured there'd be a twist on that at some point, because they keep talking about it. Oh, she was weak, she was weak, but then it just turns out that that's kind of true, and it's really sad. Yeah, I don't know. I expected a twist of some sort. I didn't get it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's got a brother, dimitri, who's weak, he's strong, he's weak. They go on a hunt with Dad Russell.
Speaker 2:Crowe, he's an over.
Speaker 1:I didn't get anything from him. I got nothing from him.
Speaker 2:You got a Russian accent though, yeah, I did. They go on a hunt.
Speaker 1:They go to Ghana. We meet this girl, calypso. Who's the one who's going to administer the magic potion to him?
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's in the comics, I assume. I don't remember her. Yes, she is.
Speaker 1:She's an evil voodoo priestess in the comics and sometime Craven girlfriend.
Speaker 2:She's definitely not evil. She seems pretty good in this movie. Evil voodoo priestess no, you can say it, but that's not going to make it true.
Speaker 1:We find out that there's one big, dangerous lion out there that everybody wants to get. We meet this Nikolai guy who or no? Alexei guy who is being weird and we don't understand who he is, why he is.
Speaker 2:He's like I want to be your friend and how did he get on this hunt Like I don't know Russell Crowe, Did he just show up?
Speaker 1:One of the richest men in the world. Random dude gets to come with them.
Speaker 2:Right, it's just like oh, you brought a friend, okay, well, we didn't discuss that when I gave you $8 million to track this lion, but that's fine.
Speaker 1:They go out to look for the lion. The boys hang back. Here comes the lion around a bush. He's like rawr and then craven's like I'm gonna think about you. And then dad shoots him. And then the lion eats, eats, craven, and then carries some of them, really carries him away, and no one follows them well, I mean, listen, they shot him four times.
Speaker 2:I think so. If that didn't work, nothing's gonna he's on all right, you just gotta let Cut your losses.
Speaker 1:He only brought four bullets, is that?
Speaker 2:the thing. That's it. We're like well, I guess let's go home. Everybody Pack it in for the day.
Speaker 1:Everybody's only got one shot. We only brought four rifles, so he let's see Calypso just randomly knows to get out of the jeep and go to where they're at.
Speaker 2:Well, because she's an evil voodoo priestess.
Speaker 1:The lion wanders off and she gives him the magic potion. Then she wanders off, but she gives him a magic. She gives him one of her tarot cards so that he knows it was her.
Speaker 2:Right or something.
Speaker 1:He gets medevaced. They go to the hospital. At the hospital he dies. But then, four minutes later, the potion finally kicks in, brings him back to life so here's, here's my question.
Speaker 2:Right, he's dead. For what? Three and three and a half minutes or something this day, three, four minutes, I said four minutes, but that's yeah but I mean he was, he was pretty much dead in the field there, right like. I mean he said he was slowly dying for like 45 minutes and then finally died and then finally got rebirth.
Speaker 1:That's a really slow potion well, that's my only start working till he died.
Speaker 2:If he lived, it wouldn't have to do anything but that can't be true, because isn't it what gives him the powers by the power doesn't matter. Ofkull are you doing, he-man?
Speaker 1:I don't know why they had to kill him that's I don't.
Speaker 2:It's not like a rejuvenation potion, right? I don't think.
Speaker 1:Maybe I don't know, dan, I don't know dad gets there, the boys are there, and then dad like yells at him you screwed up, it's your fault, you got bit. You gotta live with yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, classic deflection.
Speaker 1:They go back home. There's a letter from mom. Mom says I'm killing myself, but you should be a good person.
Speaker 2:But don't let it bother you in the slightest. Enjoy your life, boys.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's fucking weird.
Speaker 1:And dad brings him in oh fear One. It's fucking weird. Dad brings him in oh fear, one day you're going to be in charge of this, but you're all scared. So stop that. And I got you a present the lion's head. But he should have killed you, right.
Speaker 2:So that's quite a roller coaster. We just went on.
Speaker 1:Here's a present I wish you'd have died.
Speaker 2:But you're going to be the leader soon, so tough it up.
Speaker 1:Love you, love you, boy so he's like well, I'm packing my bag, putting bubble gum in a bag, and I'm getting out of here.
Speaker 2:Great.
Speaker 1:And he packs a bag and tries to run away from this boring plot line. He packs a bag and tries to run away from this boring plot line.
Speaker 2:Now, do you feel like?
Speaker 1:we needed any of this?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know. I mean, obviously there has to be a little bit of exposition, but this is. I'm so bored with this flashback.
Speaker 1:This is really boring. It's brutal.
Speaker 2:It's not interesting. I don't care about anyone in the scenes, I'm not like. Oh, this poor boy. I hope he grows up to be the greatest hunter in the world. What's happening, I don't care. Go cry in the corner, dude jesus he takes a tramp steamer.
Speaker 1:Oh, he has to say to his be the said, leave his brother, uh, and the brother's life is pretty messed up don't leave me with him it's like sorry bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, come with me. Peace out, like we'll go together oh, that's an idea that's a pretty easy fix right there. Why would you abandon your little brother to leave him with an abusive father? You're leaving because of the abuse.
Speaker 1:He can't leave because of piano lessons. Pretty selfish.
Speaker 2:I got things to do. I'm sorry you go. You go, I'll be fine.
Speaker 1:Takes a tramp steamer walks across Russia, stands there. This is when I was like wait a second. So there he is. He's going back to his ancestral lands, which I don't know, and they stand in there and here comes the stampede of wildebeests. He cowers in fear from the stampede of wildebeests.
Speaker 2:He sure does. Yeah, and then what happened?
Speaker 1:hold on a second, okay well, he, I don't understand, isn't?
Speaker 2:this isn't this the point at which he becomes who he's gonna become he's probably seen lion king and he understands that bad things are about to happen. I mean, won't the wildebeest? Go around you now, well, I'm only if one of them saves you by standing in front of you and diverting his friends, apparently, because that's what happens is.
Speaker 1:That's what happens in the lion king no, that's what happens in this movie.
Speaker 2:There's one that, like approaches him and stands in front of him as he's cowering like a baby, and then all the other ones are like well, let's not hit our brother, let's go around. And then at the end that one just trots off. I don't know, I don't see this, I don't know what it means.
Speaker 1:This is the point at which you've got to build the legend right.
Speaker 2:Well, they do not build a legend in this movie whatsoever. Once again, like the legend of Tarzan, they just tell me there's already a legend and I don't get to see it. Yep, it drives me crazy. Listen, folks, if you make a movie where there is a legend about a character, I better see the god darn legend at some point.
Speaker 1:He finds the family geodesic dome.
Speaker 2:It's in bad repair. Oh okay, so this was already built. I thought he built this from scratch. He walked up to it and it was all fucked up. I think I was laughing too hard from the wildebeest. Maybe Does this happen right after it happens right after, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:And then he figures out that he can outrun a deer, and then some dude come and kill a bunch of his wildebeest buddies.
Speaker 2:And then he kills them and then the greatest big game hunter in the world, uh, kills humans for hunting. I understand they're doing it illegally and that's the idea I think is oh, they're poachers, so they're bad did.
Speaker 1:Did he kill all of them? As a kid, I think he did. He killed them all as a kid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. How is he all?
Speaker 1:good at this. Just because he ran with the See, he should have. The wildebeest should have awakened something in him, right? Sure they should have been running towards him and he should have just stood there and then like and then the one stops and looks at him.
Speaker 2:And then he walks over and then he mouth kisses it. Open mouth kisses.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there you go there, it is he like. Dominates it with his mouth.
Speaker 2:And then we get the title scene. You know what I mean. That's Kraven the hunter.
Speaker 1:The kisser. So we cut to present day. He's back home. His brother calls.
Speaker 2:So he just has like a phone out in the wilderness. Where is this patch of land?
Speaker 1:Oh, it's in Russia. Why is there?
Speaker 2:a cell tower. Are there cell towers in the wilderness? He'd have a satellite phone. Oh, you think, okay, I mean he's in Russia. Why is there a cell tower? Are there cell towers in the wilderness? You'd have a satellite phone. Oh, you think, okay, I mean he's rich. I'm not saying I don't believe you.
Speaker 1:I just say I don't know, Is he?
Speaker 2:rich. He ran away from home. Yeah, how does he have money? His dad isn't like oh, I'm going to cut this credit card off because it's from my son who ran away 10 years ago.
Speaker 1:How does he pay for the gas on that plane? I?
Speaker 2:don't know, it's all weird. Nothing makes any sense to me.
Speaker 1:Oh, so yeah, with that wildebeest thing he killed two of the guys, but other guys got away. This time they're on his land and he's an adult, and so he's like I'm going to get you, and he kills four guys. But once again, again, he lets guys, he lets guys get away.
Speaker 2:He's not the greatest hunter. He's letting guys get away. He might just be a little lazy, dan, like once they get a head start, he kind of just goes I'll get them later. Oh, that's what the list is. The list is just people that he was too lazy to kill on the day and he's like I'll get you later. I gotta go get a beer I'm gonna kill you later.
Speaker 1:so the one guy gets away. Now he's back in London and the guy's going there to tell his boss that they correctly hunted wildebeests in Russia for a reason.
Speaker 2:Unknowable reasons, it doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:I'm the poach king, poach everywhere.
Speaker 2:I'm the poach king.
Speaker 1:That's a cool character name. So he walks in there to see the boss and boom craven spins around.
Speaker 2:He's in the chair with just a giant crossbow. That's the biggest crossbow you've ever seen like where's my boss?
Speaker 1:and he's like you're standing in him now did he? Did he pick up his feet and blood dripped off of him like really cool no, not really cool.
Speaker 2:There's just like a line of blood under his feet. Already I'm sorry, but you gotta it was not great you gotta pick up your foot and then we gotta have a close-up of that foot where there's just blood you gotta have a squelch sound when he picks up the foot and then it's trip, trip, trip, trip, trip and you're like, oh, oh shit, those are some guts See, but this movie's like PG light.
Speaker 1:We need a hard R Wasn't.
Speaker 2:Venom R or is Venom not? Is Venom PG-13? I bet you it's PG-13.
Speaker 1:You're probably right, they want all your little nephews to be seeing those crappy movies.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's PG-13.
Speaker 1:So he kills this guy and then he says but the good news is your boss left me this big list to everybody that works for him, and their addresses and their names and their emails and their bank routing information. Is that the list? No, this is. He's adding all these guys to the list.
Speaker 2:Okay, so he's just like an addendum to his list.
Speaker 1:It's an addendum, all right, this way he's just like. I shall addend this list to my original list, and then I'll have a super list.
Speaker 2:Tape it onto the bottom of his other list. It'll be great.
Speaker 1:Calypso. Calypso is a grown-up. She's going to a funeral. He goes to the funeral and he's's like I've been looking for you my whole life and now I found you and you're a lawyer who goes after bad guys and then we can work together. Right, how did he, how did he find what the hell's going on? Um, did not like the girl playing calypso. Thought they thought the little girl was good. Did not like like this girl.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so this lady's been in a couple of things lately. She was in Pool man, I think as well. I'm not crazy about it.
Speaker 1:Was she the lawyer? She was the lawyer in Pool man, wasn't she?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't even remember Pool man. Do you remember Pool man?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that lawyer comes there to make him the offer he can't refuse, and she's pretty hot. And he's all like I'll have sex with you later.
Speaker 2:There you go. Pretty good yeah.
Speaker 1:Pool man did not make any ripples in my brain.
Speaker 2:Didn't do it for you.
Speaker 1:I don't blame you, I don't care for her. Yeah, she looks up. Then she goes back to her office, looks up all the murders she's done. They meet again and she's like I'm a lawyer and he's like I got a list and she's like join me and we could kill a bunch of people, and she's all like I don't know about that, you know.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know. It feels a little weird. Maybe she's not in pool man. Was I wrong about that? I don't know. I'm looking it over right now. It doesn't seem like she's in school, man but she is why would you say I don't know? I thought it was the same person. I'm not man, I'm a bad guy. She was in west side story. Does that help?
Speaker 1:oh yeah and she was in argyle, I don't remember that you saw that stupid movie, you said, oh, this movie's great. I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't think I said it was great, but it was entertaining. Uh, it like gets weird towards the end, but honestly it's better than this movie. So there's that.
Speaker 1:There it is. Um, now we meet alexi, the guy that we saw earlier. That is the rhino, and he fights with his own dog or something. That was like the weirdest part of the whole movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he fights and then makes up and then is like oh, I'm sorry, baby, your daddy's here. I didn't understand it, I didn't get it. It's not a clear-cut character trait.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you that I thought, oh, he's going to kill his own dog just to prove he's a dick. I was like please don't do that.
Speaker 2:That's the surefire way to be a bad guy, and that dog never.
Speaker 1:He has that dog in the back later and that dog never fights versus Kraven.
Speaker 2:No, no, it doesn't do anything.
Speaker 1:Why does he have that dog with him?
Speaker 2:Just a sweet, sweet baby. It's probably really his dog. Let's be honest. It's just the actor was like I got nowhere to put him Doggy, daycare's closed for the day. He's got to come to set.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I think they had all these things where they were like this guy tries to sick the dog on Kraven, kraven's like boop, and then the dog attacks him.
Speaker 2:Is that a dog whistle? What was the?
Speaker 1:boo. It's like he uses his mind force.
Speaker 2:Mind force. Oh okay, that's a mind beam Beast master you. Okay, I understand Okay.
Speaker 1:So he's the rhino, he's on the list, he wants to take over the bad guys. Oh, we have this weird scene, right? Because the guy in the prison had people working for him, so the Rhino wants to take over from them. So then the three of them come there and he's all like one of you is going to work for me, and then I'm going to kill the others. And you're like why? Why wouldn't you just be in control of everyone? Just have all three of them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the more the merrier when you're running an empire. Yeah.
Speaker 1:The more the merrier when you're running an empire. Yeah, typically if you have three managers, you can't kill two of the managers because then two of your divisions are going to be headless. Yeah, it's command structure.
Speaker 2:But it's a stupid comic book movie.
Speaker 1:I love comic books, but don't be a stupid comic book movie, john Wick, which is the least plausible movie ever. Right, I'm sure. Let's have a bunch of tattooed ladies that run typewriters and then they do a thing, and then there's sort of rules, but there's sort of not rules. Blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit.
Speaker 2:And yet you buy it because you're like, yeah, I mean, this is the world and it's well thought out, it's well planned, it makes sense in itself.
Speaker 1:And I'm in. So Rhino has a backpack. The backpack feeds stuff into him, so he isn't the Rhino. When he unplugs the backpack then he gets all armory and hard, but it hurts.
Speaker 2:It hurts, but it only seems to hurt during the transformation. I don't, because once he's rhino he doesn't seem to give a shit at all. Who knows so? Then why would just be rhino all the time? You know what I mean, because then you're always invincible. Would you want to?
Speaker 1:be rhino all the time.
Speaker 2:I mean listen, he's already weird looking.
Speaker 1:There it is he's already weird I mean you, I mean you might as well be cool. He doesn't have a lot of riz as a normal person.
Speaker 2:He sure doesn't, but imagine all the conversations people have. He'd walk around looking like Rhino.
Speaker 1:That's true. People would be like come to our club.
Speaker 2:Right Like come on, Rhino, man Get over here.
Speaker 1:Okay, so he takes over. He kills a bunch of people. Whatever Cut to Back to London. I guess London Dimitri has become An emo piano man. Yeah, did you want to kill yourself During this scene, tony?
Speaker 2:Not myself. You want to kill him. Maybe, just Maybe, just a little.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's so terrible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, it's so terrible. Yeah, oh, it's my son. He knows I love Tony Bennett. I don't trust anyone that doesn't like Tony Bennett. What's happening, what is going on here, dan?
Speaker 1:The bad guys attack, try to kill Russell Crowe, but Russell Crowe fights them off. Dimitri hides under the piano. Dad got shot, but he doesn't care because he's strong.
Speaker 2:So strong.
Speaker 1:Back at the Rhino headquarter. Rhino acts weird, but Rhino has a video.
Speaker 2:Rhino acts weird. I mean you can say that for every scene that he's in. That doesn't describe the scene very well.
Speaker 1:Rhino has a video of the prison thing and there is Kraven in all his things. He looks at it, he's like that's Kraven the hunter, but also Russell Crowe's kid. How does he?
Speaker 2:know it's Russell.
Speaker 1:Crowe's kid.
Speaker 2:Because he met him when he was a kid.
Speaker 1:I would never put that together in a million years? Never in a million years.
Speaker 2:Sure, sure, I understand that. I'm just this video for a guy. That's like a myth everyone. Oh, he's a myth. He's a myth, but there's just a video that clearly depicts who he is yep right like facial recognition is spot on and it knows that it's the aka the hunter. How did they know? It's all very confusing does the thing? On the bottom, doesn't it? Yes, it says aka the hunter, like what? What are you talking about? Facial recognition could name it.
Speaker 2:So that means someone already knows he's the hunter and it's like, yep, that's the guy.
Speaker 1:It doesn't make any sense. It's AI man. Ai can do anything.
Speaker 2:That's true, you're right. You AI man. Ai can do anything. That's true, you're right. You're right. I went to CES. I know AI could do anything. Oh yeah, we'll talk about that later. Lots of AI at CES. There was this cute little robot that shakes your hand. Yeah, does one of these things Real cute? Yeah, great stuff.
Speaker 1:Wow, the power of AI.
Speaker 2:It could shake your hand and they had a robot that was basically it's like working at a movie theater and would take your order and then go pick up your candy and then bring the candy back and then, instead of handing you the candy, it was just like drop it and I was like this is not ready for prime time yet, but I love the idea.
Speaker 1:That's what a robot does it delivers candy to you. That's what did it see? Yes, I'm so fucking fat and lazy I can't get my own fucking candy. This is what the this is like. You know? You know what? These idiots are watching wall e and are like see, that's where those idiots did a poll with people like me.
Speaker 2:They were like what do you want a robot to do? I was like, well, I'm watching tv, I don't want to go to the fridge. So if I could have a robot that just went and got me a soda, picked up some candy on the way and it just threw it on the ground in front of me, I would love I want to spend my days making sure that that stupid ass robot's plugged in and recharged so it can bring me fucking candy make sure, because if I, if it's not ready when I need the candy, I'm sending that thing back.
Speaker 2:full refund, bullshit.
Speaker 1:I was watching a Drew Gooden video where he's talking about AI and all the stupid things that they're having it do, and it's like summarizing text messages.
Speaker 2:Okay, I mean, those are already pretty short.
Speaker 1:Just what you need. I can't read three lines of text. Get her down to one.
Speaker 2:If you could put it in four to five words. That's my maximum, so just do your best.
Speaker 1:But the best thing he had was it's a thing where it suggests something that you could write to answer a comment right. So on his YouTube, someone's like I really loved your video, da-da-da-da-da-da, I had this, and then you know good job. And then it gives you two choices of things it thinks you might want to say, like I'm in it.
Speaker 2:I'm stupid.
Speaker 1:It thinks you might want to say like I'm in it. I'm stupid, you know, and it's so funny because it's it's trained off of his own stuff and he's, he's such a smart aleck asshole. It makes it everything. That's me and it's he. He read like 30 of them and they're all so terrible it's just I love it. You know, and I'm on the science fiction forum and these guys talk about ai's, like like they're going to be able to do something, and you're like someday, it probably will no, I mean, ai's are used for tons of things, but they all you know.
Speaker 1:You have to compartmentalize them and and tell them exactly what they need to do and what parameters to look at it. Yeah, could you make one that does answer something decently, maybe, maybe. If you really programmed it for a specific person and what they were trying to say. And you know, yeah, you could do just like this. What does this robot do? It brings you fucking candy, you know. Pretty good, you could do just like this. What does this robot do? It brings you fucking candy, you know pretty good use of robot for me.
Speaker 2:I don't know yeah. Like if you're because it can tell the difference between different candy stand. That's what's amazing.
Speaker 1:Is that what's amazing?
Speaker 2:I ordered a Snickers. It brought me a Snickers, Didn't bring me a Twix.
Speaker 1:You know that's great Thank goodness, so stupid People think stupid-ass. Elon is going to do something with the AIs.
Speaker 2:You're like oh, my God so stupid, oh my God. I love it.
Speaker 1:The only thing stupider than AIs is the people that think that AIs aren't stupid. Oh my God, that's so moronic. Okay, um rena has a video. Okay, now we go back to the prison and we meet the new character, tony. Talk about the new superhero character. Who is he?
Speaker 2:I don't. Who are we talking about?
Speaker 1:there's only one more superhero in this movie that they that's the one that's going to defeat Kraven.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, who is this guy? He counts, he's the Count man. Is that what they call him, the Count Okay?
Speaker 1:Is that his name? This character is the worst character that's ever existed in the movie.
Speaker 2:Does he, okay, explain to me what the power is, because he takes off his glasses and he looks you in the eye?
Speaker 1:Okay, I'd never heard of this character.
Speaker 2:And then he counts to three and then by three he's gone. So it's like a hide-and-seek. Ooh, is his name Hide-and-Seek? That would be a good name for him.
Speaker 1:Well, they said his name a number of times Tony.
Speaker 2:There's no way, did they really? Oh, the Foreigner, that's right, that is his name, but that doesn't describe him whatsoever. I don't even know what that means. This is stupid. He's the dumbest character in the world.
Speaker 1:I gotta read you his powers and abilities.
Speaker 2:Please, yeah, give me something.
Speaker 1:Are you ready for this? I powers and abilities.
Speaker 2:Are you ready for this? I'm ready, lay it on me.
Speaker 1:The foreigner has no superhuman abilities.
Speaker 2:Wait no.
Speaker 1:Hold on, it gets a thousand times better. However, he has trained his body to be in peak physical condition. He is stronger, faster, more agile, has better reaction time than any Olympic athlete.
Speaker 2:Oh, but not superhero, hold on. So on the level of peak physicality, he's above Olympic athlete, but below anyone with superpowers whatsoever right. Hold on, he gets better.
Speaker 1:He is adept in all known forms of martial arts and most forms of conventional hand repertory weaponry. He's the among the greatest pugilists in the marvel universe similar hold on.
Speaker 2:I don't know the word. What does pugilist mean?
Speaker 1:pugilist fighter usually used to just mean okay.
Speaker 2:Used to mean boxer so like a hand-to-hand combat expert.
Speaker 1:Similar in ability to Captain America and Wolverine. His skills are such that even without super inabilities, he's able to pull off seemingly inhuman feats of strength through intense concentration, and has even battled Spider-Man to a standstill. No Hold on, that's not possible. He possesses a near-mystic ability to place an opponent in a 10-second hypnotic trance through eye contact, which makes the opponent believe the foreigner can move faster than the eye can see.
Speaker 2:Okay, but how does that happen? They don't tell you how that happens. He has no superhuman abilities, but he can hypnotize you with eye contact.
Speaker 1:It's a near-mystic ability. Hold on it's close.
Speaker 2:It's almost a superpower, but it's not because it's totally normal.
Speaker 1:He has hypnotized Spider-Man in this fashion, which left Spider-Man disoriented or in a light trance for a few seconds, while the foreigner ran away at what seemed to be nearly superhuman speed. From Spider-Man's perspective, it appeared that the foreigner had teleported away.
Speaker 2:The foreigner uses his ability for evading enemies no, not according to this movie, he doesn't evade, he just kills people with it. So okay, I I'm confused and this one.
Speaker 1:This is this one. I say I love comic books, but there is so much in comic books that is so stupid that if you're writing a movie, you've got to not do this.
Speaker 2:You can't take the form. You can't use this guy. This is not a guy you can use in any way, shape or form. A near mystic ability to do something impossible. That doesn't make any sense to me.
Speaker 1:It's a near mystic ability so that you can confuse people, so that you could run away.
Speaker 2:Run, look over there superhero this, yeah, all right. Well, so I mean, here's what I'll say. They didn't nail that at all his name is the foreigner right, why. I don't know what does that have to do with any of the non-powers? You just, you just read to me nothing. It doesn't mean anything. I don't know where's he from. Does it say where he's?
Speaker 1:from okay, let me look.
Speaker 2:I didn't read that part because I didn't I'm just curious, like if maybe he's from another country and nobody could understand his name and they just call him a foreigner.
Speaker 1:A foreigner won this way to pretend to be a prisoner for the Sazer Sabretooth. Blah, blah, blah blah blah. He was wait what he was formerly married to Silver Sable he's a mercenary and assassin. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 2:I don't think anybody knows.
Speaker 1:I don't think anyone cares.
Speaker 2:That's probably true.
Speaker 1:Worst character ever.
Speaker 2:I'm just going to say he definitely seemed like he had superpowers in this movie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they made it seem like he could control people's minds and cloud them. I thought he was like the Mesmero or one of these guys that had some sort of powers. But nope, he just looks at you and then remember that movie hypnotic with ben affleck. That's kind of what his power is right did we watch that movie or did you watch that we?
Speaker 2:totally watched that I think. I mean, maybe we didn't.
Speaker 1:I get confused sometimes see, I know you 100, you watched that movie. I don't think we did that one did we not do it? We probably should have done it, but that's fine I think I talked I talked you out of it because it was so terrible.
Speaker 2:It was bad and that's I mean. The guy looks at you and then you're hypnotized and I think he can control you. I don't know. It's basically similar but different.
Speaker 1:Anywho, so the foreigner goes there, figures out who he? I don't know.
Speaker 2:Why does he even go there?
Speaker 1:He goes there and oh, he smells like the poison dart or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah and oh, he smells like the poison dart or something. Yeah, some wild berries or some sort of special berry that he really likes, and he's like ah, I know where to get these.
Speaker 1:Craven goes to London for Dimitri's birthday.
Speaker 2:How many times does this guy fly back and forth between Russia and London? He's on the move. That's a lot On the move. It's so expensive I don't know. Instead of taking the he might love animals, but he doesn't love the environment. He does not love the environment.
Speaker 1:He doesn't take the stairs, he climbs up the walls. Then he surprises Dimitri while he was taking a shower In the shower.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's all pretty weird.
Speaker 1:He's like I'm going to go all sweaty, but Dimitri's like I've got a suit that fits you. Let's go to the club.
Speaker 2:Why does he have a suit that is that big? He's like oh, this one's too big for me, it's way too big for you. He is twice the size of you.
Speaker 1:And that suit fits Craven perfectly, beautifully.
Speaker 2:Oh, it looks perfect on that body.
Speaker 1:They go there, they're having a good time. But you can tell Dimitri's traumatized, but he still wants Dad's respect and he says, craven, you hate people. And he's like I don't hate people, I hate what people do. I'm like okay.
Speaker 2:Sure Great line. I bet he never said that in the comic books.
Speaker 1:And then Dad shows up, because dad figured out that they were going to have this meeting.
Speaker 2:Sure, yeah, birthday, I kind of like this scene.
Speaker 1:This was like one of the few. The brother scenes are the scenes that I kind of like.
Speaker 2:Sure, I mean. Well, you have two fine actors Just talking away.
Speaker 1:It's interesting you know the dynamic is kind of interesting. With the dad showing up, you can tell he's kind of interesting. With the dad showing up, you can tell he's kind of pissed at the dad. But Dimitri still wants the dad's respect. You're like, okay, this is what the movie really needed to be about.
Speaker 2:It's a relatable family dynamic. Have you watched that Penguin TV show? We only watched the first episode.
Speaker 1:You know it's like sometimes you need to shed away some of this, all this superhero garbage yeah, yeah, you do because it's getting dull. Yeah, it's getting dull um, he takes drunk Dimitri up to his thing and then Dimitri absolves him of being guilty about leaving him behind.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, well, great. And then he goes and takes a nap outside.
Speaker 1:He has bad dreams when he sleeps in a real room, so he has to sleep in the apartment.
Speaker 2:But so my only? He has a bed. No, you sleep on the couch. No, no, I'm sorry. Back at his house in Russia. He has a bed. No, he's sleeping on the couch. No, no, I'm sorry Back at his house in Russia.
Speaker 1:He has a bed. It's not like he's sleeping outside in the wilderness back home.
Speaker 2:It's a geodesic dome where everything is glass. So it's like sleeping under the stars, but it's kind of not, because you're in the safety of a home in a soft bed and you got air conditioning.
Speaker 1:I don't know, it just seemed a little weird His bed might have just been canvas.
Speaker 2:Might have been like, I don't know, when he lays down and in the beginning it looks like a pretty comfy bed. That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Might be made out of moss Might be, covered in wildebeest urine, sleeping in urine.
Speaker 2:Good point, yes, boy, I miss that I'm sleeping in urine.
Speaker 1:You know you got a lot of urine. Smells in the park.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 1:You're right.
Speaker 2:Feels just at home.
Speaker 1:Mostly wino urine, unfortunately Very stinky. So then he's like okay, I've. Then he goes home or goes back to see dimitri again. I don't know why. Maybe he left his vest there or something, and they've kidnapped dimitri.
Speaker 1:Yeah, then we have this gigantic action scene where he runs a lot and tries to chase them, and tries to catch them, and then they get in a helicopter and he throws a rope on it, and then he he throws a spear through a guy and then he gets dragged through the water and until he hits a buoy and then they get away with the media. Yeah, talk about the talk about that.
Speaker 2:Don't how much you like that scene I mean, you know it wasn't the worst one in the movie. As the action set pieces go, it's probably towards the top, if I'm being honest, because there's a lot of bad ones, and I enjoyed him climbing around the car. I thought that was, you know, pretty cool for a little bit.
Speaker 1:Did you like that? There was a handlebar on the front of the car that he could hold on to very easily.
Speaker 2:I was a little confused by it because I've never seen a car like that that just has a windshield handlebar. But it worked out nicely for him you know, so he could hang on a little bit. I liked the part where the guy shot the window and then the guy in the front seat says it's bulletproof.
Speaker 1:That was funny.
Speaker 2:That's a good joke One of the only times I laughed in the whole movie. And that's, two hours, that's a long time not to laugh. And then, you know, he had his Captain America moment with the helicopter, but just so much worse. Yeah, like, just give me the Captain america, show me those biceps while he's doing it. This guy's ripped, let's show it off a little bit more. That's, he takes off his shirt a lot. I mean, the movie ends with him flexing his abs, which is, uh, 10 out of 10. But you know, let's, let's sexualize him a little bit more. That's. Maybe that would have helped me be more into the movie or into his character, like if he was just a little bit more dangerous and sexy. Um, but it's dull, it's. I didn't like this.
Speaker 2:I didn't like he has no chemistry with calypso right I mean, I don't, he doesn't seem to have a lot of chemistry full stop. But yeah, no, for sure not the two of them. Yeah, are they romantically involved, you think?
Speaker 1:in the comic. I think it was like his girlfriend at some point.
Speaker 2:I did not get. I didn't get that at all from this movie.
Speaker 1:No, she, she seemed like his, like assistant or his, you know, like yeah yeah, personally he calls on the phone and is like you know, I need some money.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm wiring you money well, but she does it a little more begrudgingly, like she doesn't even seem to like him that much. You know Saved your life, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Saved your life, spears the guy, and he goes to the lawyer while he's still wet and she's all like why are you coming here all wet?
Speaker 2:Which is a. It's a good question, because how far did he run you?
Speaker 1:I feel like he would have dried off a little I mean it depends on how cool it is if the sun's out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're probably shooting a lot of factors, a lot of factors humidity.
Speaker 1:You know humidity factors. He goes to see his dad. He finds out there's the. They sent a ransom note. They want 20 million, 20, whole million dollars and it doesn't even feel like that.
Speaker 2:I don't know what his drug kingpin's worth. Seem like a lot of money but 20 mil doesn't seem like a ton.
Speaker 1:I don't know then he's all like pay them. And he's like, if I pay them, I'm weak, I'm a drug dealer, I can't pay them. And this them and this part. Dad gets all mad at him and he's all like, blah, blah, blah. Dad tries to hit him and he just grabs the hand and just stops. That scene was shot really well.
Speaker 2:Just like boom. And that's the fantasy of any boy who's grown up with a troubled relationship with their father. Boys love to get to that point where they're like, oh no, I can take you. Now I'm to that age where I could fuck you up if I needed to. It's a good feeling In the movie. It's a great scene. Don't look at me like that, Dan. Okay, I was agreeing with you. It's a good scene, Shot really well, did you cry.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't cry. It's a victory moment. We're behind him. It's empowering. Good for you, craven, they're roughing up Dimitri.
Speaker 1:He finds out that the bad guys have taken him to Turkey. He goes to Turkey, kills a bunch of guys and they shoot a missile at the thing. Oh, we had that in the gray man, didn't we? Have I seen gray man, it's Netflix. I don't think you ever watched it oh, it's the Russo brothers.
Speaker 2:It was not good it was oh it's the Russo brothers.
Speaker 1:Right, it was not good, it was okay, it was not good I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we canceled our Netflix. Did I tell you that? Canceled Netflix? Shut that shit down. Yep, we're done. It's expensive, man, and it's the one we use the least Really. So, what's interesting, peacock is our most used, and then Max and then Paramount, because Paramount's got some good movies. So we're just like, yeah, netflix is done, it's out Until Stranger Things comes out, and then we'll get it back the Rhino, so he doesn't die.
Speaker 1:They think he's dead. He's not dead. Kraven lives. Rhino terrorizes Dimitri. Rhino explains his origin, which no one cares, not even a little. Kraven goes back to his ancestral home and then Calypso's with him, and he has to fight a CGI snow leopard to show he's cool, still for no reason, no reason whatsoever.
Speaker 2:Um, I thought they were gonna be like friends. I thought it was like you know yeah, but he uses them later, yeah, but not. I thought they were gonna be like friends. Like you know, you wrestle and you wrestle because like sometimes when I come home my cat like likes to swat at me and have fun and then you know, we cuddle. That would have been so. I thought it was gonna be like that sort of relationship. It's so cute.
Speaker 1:It would have been very cute.
Speaker 2:And I would have been like oh, okay, I like you now. Yeah him a good deal, what of?
Speaker 1:It would have been beautiful, but they didn't, because we all have that relationship with that. You know, real humans have that relationship with animals.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Okay, the bad guy smells the poison. Figures out where Craven's from, because he couldn't have bought poison. You know you're only going to use poison from where you live.
Speaker 2:That's a terrible point. Listen, if you're going to poison somebody, you're going to want to get a poison far away from where you live so they can't track it to you.
Speaker 1:You got to think a little, guys, he's not thinking we find out that Calypso can use a bow because she pushes the button to reveal his armory, so that later, when he pushes to reveal his armory to get ready, we're like we've already seen his armory so that later, when he pushes to reveal his armory to get ready, we're like we've already seen this.
Speaker 2:We're like, oh yeah, I know this is, this has already happened. Yeah, we don't need to see this again that was really a weird choice it's the wrong segment. I wonder if there's an earlier scene where he does that and they cut it?
Speaker 1:no, because they, they totally. When the things come down, they shoot him like they're when she, she does them. They're a reveal thing, like wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like bah, bah, bah, I've uncovered his secret.
Speaker 1:When he does it, it's like now, it's exciting and you're like no, it's time to go to work. You know she's got to reveal, like you know, his naked lady magazine. It's like oh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, he gets lowly out here in the dome. Which he would.
Speaker 1:So the bad guys have a nightmare gun. They show up. He uses the leopard to attack them. Dimitri escapes. He kills a bunch of guys with traps, but then they easily shoot him with the gun.
Speaker 2:I want to just shout out one when he uses the bear trap on the guy's face, you like that? That was a 10 out of 10. Yeah, yeah, I wanted more things like that in this you wanted, that was. You wanted some serious home aloneing I will as home aloneing, sure, but just you, knowagery, because he's the world's greatest hunter and I would like him to just go a little, you know.
Speaker 1:And you know immediately A little dark. I'm reminded of the James Bond movie, where the bad guy's chasing back to his ancestral home and you get a. That's a great fight.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%. Well, because it's his territory, he should be able to run circles around him.
Speaker 1:Nope, they just sneak up on him and shoot him with the nightmare thing. And he's like I'm having a nightmare, I'm having a nightmare. And then Calypso just shoots the foreigner in the head and he has. This is why I got confused.
Speaker 2:He starts seeing spiders yeah, spiders. And I was like is that Spider-Man? He's afraid of spiders, the sirens are on our end, everybody, if you're listening in the car? No, they're on my end. Yeah, sure I heard them. I was just letting people know.
Speaker 1:Just in case.
Speaker 2:Sometimes when you're driving in a car, but then it cuts to his mom and she's in her loony bin also screaming the spiders, the spiders, oh okay. So why I was expecting some sort of connection slash reveal at some point to make that make sense. But maybe his greatest nightmare is becoming his mother and going crazy, because that never plays a part in anything else in the rest of the movie.
Speaker 1:He never struggled. I don't know, man, If they had him actually struggle with mental health in this movie. That would be interesting.
Speaker 2:Sure, yeah, what a thing to deal with. I don't know, baloney, I'm going to tell you something. Okay, I want to hear it.
Speaker 1:Whenever a movie starts doing flashbacks and things are happening, I tune it out completely. I don't listen to it.
Speaker 2:Oh really.
Speaker 1:I don't acknowledge it Interesting. I don't acknowledge it as something that is happening in the movie I'm watching.
Speaker 2:Because it's not technically.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean, because it never adds up to anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it should, though it should, otherwise it shouldn't be in the movie and anyhow, yeah, so you know it's the foreigner and he's winning. And then Craven doesn't beat him at all, he just gets, you know, surprised shot in the eyeball with an arrow.
Speaker 1:Oh the one thing I did like was he's like at one point Craven's punching the foreigner and then it turns out he's punching a log. I like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was good, but he never has to overcome it, which is that was my disappointment with it.
Speaker 1:Well, and they also set up that he says this poison cures other poisons. And I was like, oh well, that's what's going to happen. He's going to use that other poison, he's going to go for something and fix himself, which would have been nice.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:But they never did that, and Calypso just kills him easily. So yeah, Great stuff.
Speaker 2:Super anticlimactic he was neutralized easily.
Speaker 1:The bad guy was neutralized easily, so I guess it's even.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there you go. They're both terrible at their jobs, and then we move on.
Speaker 1:Then we have the big rhino fight, which he just keeps trying the same exact thing over and over. I'm going to stab you with a knife. Knife breaks. You know what? My next plan will be to stab you with my other knife.
Speaker 2:I got two more right here, buddy. Yeah, that's great, great stuff, because I appreciate that they put in a recognition. You know, he stabs the first one, and then they purposely show a scene where he looks at the knife and is like, oh shit, that's not going to work. And then he pulls out two more knives Great stuff. Oh shit, that's not gonna work. And then he pulls out two more knives great stuff. I mean it's really, really nice that they put a nice little point on it.
Speaker 1:It's like, hey, everyone, look at this shit that we're doing so weird he finally figures out that the rhinos port on his side, where he gets his magic juice, his little blowhole sticks a thing in his hole and then jiggles it around. Which, I'm telling you, if you poke something in somebody's hole and jiggle it around, that's that's gonna be. That's the end of them, right? What it should have been was he should have just gotten a little bit in there, and then he he'd have to get like a hammer and start hammering it into him is that what?
Speaker 2:oh man, there is a maybe it's a john wick moment, I don't know. There's a movie where it's just like a knife is slowly going in and then he just has to hammer like boom, boom and it just goes. I think it's John Wick and it just goes into his face and it's so fucking visceral. But that's yeah. That would have been a great moment if he had to keep working on this pipe inside Like that's cool, that's a cool fight. That's a cool fight. This wasn't a cool fight. This is stupid, continuously attacking this one tiny point right like.
Speaker 2:That's fun, like rhinos coming at him and he has to like dodge and then pow, pow and he picks up a rock a strategy. It's a strategy because he's the greatest hunter on the planet.
Speaker 1:He sticks, he sticks the rod in about 14 inches and doesn't really do anything then Then he gets in there deep and then he wraps a cable around it and then he ties the cable to some of the wildebeest and then the wildebeest drag him to his death.
Speaker 2:Just fling him around like a rag doll and he's just slam, slam, slam, even though he's heavy like a rhino, so dumb.
Speaker 1:And that's it. So then we're going to wrap up. We're going to wrap everything up. He goes to see his dad and he finds out that the dad Was the one that sent the video To Rhino. So the dad wanted his son To fight his enemy.
Speaker 2:And it's like Okay, and then a bear attacks him.
Speaker 1:Oh so the dad's hunting and it's like okay, and then a bear attacks him. Oh so Dad's hunting, and then Kraven stole all his bullets. So Dad would have to learn how to fight, how Kraven fights. Didn't give Dad super serum, did he?
Speaker 2:No, he sure didn't. Doesn't give a shit. That doesn't seem very fair. See you later, Dad.
Speaker 1:He couldn't have fought that when he was a kid. He couldn't fight that lion.
Speaker 2:No, he sure couldn't. He got chewed up Ang, ang, ang, ang, so he lets his dad get killed.
Speaker 1:One year later he goes to see Dimitri. Dimitri's hired a doctor to do doctor stuff on him and Dimitri's taking over his dad's business and he says you're worse than dad, you're just another trophy hunter. And you're like well, it's not really worse than dad, it's the same as dad.
Speaker 2:Not only is that not worse, but it's a terrible description because that's not the character. If that was the character of this movie, then I understand the movie. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:He's playing the Punisher. It's what he's playing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100% yeah, but not Kraven the Hunter. No, but I like that line. I think that's a really nice last line. To be like, yeah, you're not a good guy, but I just watched a two-hour movie about him being the good guy and not at all being a bad guy doesn't make any sense if he really was like you know, half doing it to get, you know, revenge for his friend, but also half like I need to kill. I love this, I thrive in this hunting and killing. That's what I live for, but like I'm also using it for good right now, but also I'm kind of a bad guy. That's a wonderful dichotomy that I would enjoy watching.
Speaker 1:That's not the movie like some guy asks him for mercy, and he just kills him. Sure, and he's just like no, not today, you're part of the hunt. I don't know what that was. He sticks a knife in his brain and scrambles his brain. It's nice, tony. So the brother has gotten turned into the chameleon so he can just turn into whoever he wants to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, pretty much Great stuff. And then he's like I'm strong, now Go home because Dad left you a present. And he goes home. And Dad has taken the lion and then turned it into a vest and then also left him a crown and a mirror so that he could admire himself wearing the vest with the thing and the crown and it's like what? Because that's what Kraven has, that same sort of real outfit.
Speaker 2:I get that, but it doesn't make sense for the character.
Speaker 1:What doesn't make sense, that he would sit there looking at himself Any of it.
Speaker 2:Like why, right? Like he doesn't need the crown because he doesn't need to be the best and he doesn't need the lion thing because he's sad that the lion's dead. He's not a big game hunter, the lion's dead, he's not a big game hunter, he's not like oh, what a trophy this will be. He doesn't like to kill animals. I don't know, it's super weird, but again, having said that, he's flexing those abs in that chair and my god, he looks there's. He looks good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he looks great so really nice not the worst, but not a good good movie?
Speaker 2:No, it's hardly a movie. I don't know. I'm hoping that we're done with these Sony Spider-Verse movies. I hope we're officially done, we're never done. Yeah, that's probably true. Here's what I'll say we make fun of Venom a bunch, but at least it's fun. At least Venom is fun.
Speaker 1:This movie was zero fun venom did turn into a fish and a frog he sure did.
Speaker 2:It was cool.
Speaker 1:There it is I like the fish and the frog. Venom, that's yeah there you go.
Speaker 2:What do you like from this movie? Pretty much nothing.
Speaker 1:I like that I like this interaction between the dad and the two sons sure, bar that one sure but then again venom didn't have anything half as horrible as when the kid played the piano.
Speaker 2:I was just like no very bad, it's a low, low. I'll tell you that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe we're done with these. There's no more Venom. Well, there's not any more planned Venom movies.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, you never know, we'll see what happens they're not doing Madam Web 2.
Speaker 1:I don't think they're doing Kraven 2.
Speaker 2:I don't think so either. I think this did really bad, when Venom at least made money. I don't think this made any money.
Speaker 1:Okay, now we talk about something we like this week. I don't think I talked about this last week. I did a full rewatch on Furiosa.
Speaker 2:No, you did not.
Speaker 1:First time I watched it I was like this is a weird movie. Second time I'm like this is a really interesting movie. It's really good.
Speaker 2:Okay, really Okay. Well, that's good, that's a good turn, just a really, this one's going to have legs.
Speaker 1:You know people, I don't think, because it's not the same as because I think I rewatched the whole of Fury Road 2. And Fury Road is just, it's an incredible movie.
Speaker 2:Supposedly it's very good. Oh yeah, you can't see it because you're afraid or something. I'm afraid, I'm scared, I'm scared, scared of seeing a movie.
Speaker 1:I might watch that movie and enjoy it. No, I'm not doing that, yeah, I'm almost so, tony. What do you? What do you got for us? What uh?
Speaker 2:well. So it's not uh, I'm not following the rules exactly but warner brothers, discovery, I think it's all three. Now, uh, they have been over the last month they've been slowly releasing movies for free on their YouTube channel. I don't know if you've heard about this, no, so they're just releasing old backlog movies and some of them are great and they're free with ads, but it's totally worth it. And one of them on there is Overnight Delivery with an old Paul Rudd Reese Witherspoon rom-com, which is wild.
Speaker 2:And then the one that we watch is Mr nice guy with jackie chan, and it's just. You watch a jackie chan movie and you watch something like craven the hunt this is what I was talking about and you watch this cgi bullshit of him climbing up the thing. Jackie chan could do that in his sleep. All right, that guy's climbing up walls, he's jumping across buildings, breaking legs on, like in real life. This guy I miss. I miss prime time Jackie Chan so much. But this is, it's a wonder, like it's cheesy, silly movie, but it's great. And you know, 90s action movies are just fun, man, they don't take themselves too seriously. For the most part, they're just. It's just great. I just Anyhow, warner Bros Discovery releasing free movies on YouTube Go check it out there it is.
Speaker 1:You know what we need to watch next week, Tony. I don't, but I'm excited to find out A really bad science fiction movie made by a big studio and starring Tom Cruise.
Speaker 2:Tom Cruise, you're not going to be able to watch this movie because it's on Netflix, yeah. It's fine, I'll figure it out. Which one is this? What year? I have no idea. Is it newer or older Is this the Oblivion movie? Okay, all right, let's do this thing. Is that Morgan Freeman? Is that who's in that with him? Okay, let's do this thing. Is that Morgan Freeman? Is that who's in that with him?
Speaker 1:I mean this might not be a bad movie.
Speaker 2:It's probably not a great movie.
Speaker 1:I don't think it's going to be a great movie.
Speaker 2:It's no. What's the good one? Live Die Repeat.
Speaker 1:Is that what it's called now? I don't know what it's called now that movie's.
Speaker 2:I love that movie that movie 10 out of 10, except the ending and it's dopey, but whatever, I ignored the ending yeah, it's, it earns like it earns my forgiveness. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, totally cool, wonderful, it's very unusual for a movie to have a perfect, perfect first and second acts, but just kind of like whatever, it's fine. Yeah, third act, yeah, but, but by that time I'm having so much fun, it's just like okay, cool, yeah, let's do it again her name is so good in that she is, yeah, so good in that just moved herself up into the pantheon of the, you know, greatest female action stars of all time has she?
Speaker 2:what else? What other action movies has she done? Is she done anymore? I mean, she's in those stupid quiet place movies. Those aren't action movies, though, and plus, you know, her husband directs himself, whatever, I don't know. I like, I like the first one. That's the only one we've seen so terrible. All right, so, uh, yeah, oblivion, let's do this thing oblivion ah, um, oh okay, what do you say? Jam Jamie Lannister's in this movie? Oh yeah, from Game of Thrones. What's his name? Nicolaj Coster-Walter. I can't do it.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, jamie, yeah, my bad Good for him.
Speaker 1:So we'll be back next week. Leave us a thumbs up, leave us a comment, subscribe. You know, subscribe All things you can do to help out the channel. Hopefully Tony won't leave for another two weeks, ever again. We'll keep putting out shows?
Speaker 2:I hope not. It was a tough time in our lives.
Speaker 1:It was pretty dark. Goodbye everybody.
Speaker 2:We're Dan and Tony. Hey, watch it. We're Dan and Tony. It's like watching hell.