Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Red One
Can a Christmas movie truly capture the spirit of the season without a hint of originality? That's the question we're asking as we unravel our mixed emotions about "Red One," the festive film that left us scratching our heads. We pit it against holiday heavyweights like "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" and "Die Hard," diving into the nostalgia that shapes our love for Christmas classics. As we sift through the film's recycled Marvel-esque ideas, we ponder how it fares as a holiday flick versus a superhero adventure, and question if familiar tropes overshadow its potential to spark genuine festive cheer.
Picture this: Chris Evans as a magically gifted character named Jack, caught in a whirlwind of candy theft and snowy antics. We explore the movie's over-the-top symbolism and humor, wondering if it's meant for kids or a more mature audience. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's portrayal as a Santa-like bodyguard further adds to our critique, as we muse over his acting choices and the missed comedic gems from John Rudnitsky and Lucy Liu. Our journey through this whimsical film takes a detour into absurdity with Eddie Murphy's mythical Christmas creatures, unleashing a cascade of nonsensical plot twists and magical mayhem.
Ever wondered what happens when Santa's sleigh gets a high-tech makeover? Join us as we dissect the film's curious take on Santa's world, complete with towering reindeer and a North Pole that feels more like a bustling metropolis than a winter wonderland. From Santa-Satan mix-ups to Krampus snow globe antics, we question the logic of these festive narratives while reminiscing about quirky holiday folklore. Amidst the chaos, we find joy in the simpler delights these films offer young viewers, all while gearing up for our next episode's cinematic escapades. Happy holidays, and don't forget to bring your snow globe!
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What's happening, what's happening with you?
Speaker 2:Oh, are you at?
Speaker 1:I'm home, I'm at my parents' house.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:It's Christmas week, so I'm back home with the folks.
Speaker 2:And you just got up and it's like 11.45 in the morning.
Speaker 1:It's Christmas break, dan, I can sleep as long as I want. Hey, watch it with Dan and Tony.
Speaker 2:Hey, watch it with Dan and Tony. I'm Dan, I'm Tony. Each week, we watch a movie. This is our absolute Christmas episode which will be out, sure is on Christmas.
Speaker 1:It depends on how motivated I am on christmas day, so it'll be either christmas day or the day after. I don't know.
Speaker 2:This is our christmas adjacent episode that's right uh, I don't know who, who, who, who counts as picking this movie uh, it's a group pick, I think. But I. Technically, it was my decision on oh so I'm supposed to be coming up with a movie for next week.
Speaker 1:I think we already talked about it, though Do we know what?
Speaker 2:we're doing for next week? Are we doing Venom?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what we talked about. It was doing Venom.
Speaker 2:We're doing Venom next, so that's available. I take it Okay whatever here we are doing business at the top of the show.
Speaker 1:Business, business, business. This is not where this belongs. It goes at the end of the show when no one's listening anymore.
Speaker 2:I feel better now. So this week group consensus, kind of Tony's pick, kind of the world's pick, just like Venom will be kind of my pick, but it'll also be kind of the world's pick.
Speaker 1:Yeah, universal.
Speaker 2:You know that was the thing. Someone nice sent us a list of how many, how many there were five or six on there and and they were all very interesting movies, mostly a little older ones. You know a lot of 80s movies.
Speaker 1:There was one on there that I'm absolutely going to pick there were two on there that have been on my list for a while, so now it feels like the right time yeah so someone else has also brought it up, so we might be descending into the 80s for a portion of January. Which is my favorite decade.
Speaker 2:And not a good decade for movies.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm when was Monster Squad? I think that was the 80s. That's all you need.
Speaker 2:We were sitting there watching Planes, trains and Automobiles Great, it's a movie people love to death and we were watching some of the bits and shannon and I are both kind of looking at each other like okay, I mean, okay, I mean you know, yeah, you know steve martin's trying to catch the taxi and you know they're you know they're playing the song and you're like yeah, I guess I mean.
Speaker 1:Well, what you have to remember, dan, is that there's not a lot of thanksgiving movies, so we take what we can get.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, but but is this really like classic? You know, because also our buddy, one of his friends, never seen Die Hard. Wait no, never seen Die.
Speaker 1:Hard. No, no, no, no, no, no. Never seen Die Hard. That is not allowed.
Speaker 2:But you know, you watch, die Hard and you're like even you know, stripping the nostalgia away. It is a rock solid movie. It's a perfect film.
Speaker 2:It is a rock solid movie, it's a perfectly crafted film yes, you know what I mean like beat for beat you can't beat it. Pun intended, I think movies like plane strains and automobiles, you know, with beautiful john candy characterization, you know john candy, amazing. But if you really look at like you know the whole of the creature, I'm not sure that it's it's a perfect film? Yes, I don't think so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I will allow that. I haven't seen that movie in probably 10 years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just being honest. So there you go, so what we're doing today. What are we doing today, tony?
Speaker 1:Right, we haven't said it. We're 10 minutes in. We are doing the brand new Christmas classic. This is going to last for hundreds of years in children's hearts. This is a movie that critics are calling Wonderfully. Christmas it's a red one. It's red one. Everybody, it's a weird movie.
Speaker 2:It's a weird movie.
Speaker 1:It's not a bad movie. I did not hate this movie.
Speaker 2:It's not a hateable movie. It's not a good movie. Sorry, not hateable.
Speaker 1:No, agreed, Agreed. My biggest problems with the movie which we'll talk about are the Christmas things. It's not, it's not a Christmas movie.
Speaker 2:It's not right.
Speaker 1:It's just not right. It's not right, but you know it's just like a dumb. I watched this on the plane flying home for Christmas here and as that it's fine it's a fine plane movie I didn't pay that much attention.
Speaker 2:And I mean a lot of the movies we do. I mean all the movies we do. I write down a lot of stuff and sometimes you get a typical movie. I want to be at four pages, right, four pages of notes.
Speaker 1:Great, yeah, it's pretty good.
Speaker 2:Sometimes we're going into five and six.
Speaker 1:Right, that's when we're in trouble, yeah.
Speaker 2:This movie just barely three and a half, a little over three and a half.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah, there's not a lot of substance.
Speaker 2:There's not a lot there. You know it's like, oh, then tiny again and then bigger, and you're like that's christmasy I have a.
Speaker 1:It's not. Not only is it not christmasy, but I think I've seen that before oh, wow, okay, I'm interested to hear about that um well, I mean it's basically, they took a bunch of ideas from the marvel universe yes, and pretended that they were somehow related to christmas. I mean, the North Pole looks like Asgard, which is just upsetting the Christmas feels. I appreciate that they took the time to build their own Christmas lore, but it's bullshit.
Speaker 2:Okay, this movie is so packed with lore and they're just like oh, is that the X7-14-800 thing? And he's like yes, that's one of those.
Speaker 1:That's it.
Speaker 2:That's the fifth one they built and there's a better model, and you were just like okay.
Speaker 1:I don't care.
Speaker 2:I don't care about any of this, I went and as the not necessarily a palate cleanser, but just trying to understand the Christmas movie, the Christmas blockbuster of today, and I went back and watched Spirited.
Speaker 1:Oh, Spirited, yes.
Speaker 2:Ryan Reynolds, Will Ferrell from two years ago. You can feel like it's the same sort of level of production Million people, beautiful sets, beautiful, everything and everything about that movie is just beyond this. Everything in this movie, this, this, you know this movie is just it is the basement and that movie is the penthouse.
Speaker 2:It's like the comedy is tight and makes sense and there's characters and you're invested in everyone and you understand why everything happens and it's all personal and it's all you know. It's like we're watching the character growth and we're we understand that, how all these people are and they feel like people you could know.
Speaker 1:Red one, on the other hand, yeah, it's these weird sketches of people that that a writer has made yeah yeah also uh, you know, spirited takes a christmas classic and puts a a small twist on it, but it's not so big of a twist that I go. Well, this isn't christmas, you, sons of bitches.
Speaker 2:Which is how I felt this entire movie you mean when we get to the end and we get parkour. Santa Claus, oh God.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, what's even weirder is that we jack out Santa Claus, we show 20-minute montages of him getting ripped and then the payoff is this stupid roof-climbing thing he gets kidnapped by underlings. As far as I can tell, he should be kicking some ass at some point in this movie instead of just running up and down CGI houses. That's a huge disappointment.
Speaker 2:It was yeah. The other thing I kind of realized when I got to this movie, got to the end of this movie, is there wasn't really a Christmas music music. You know, christmas music. These are things that we in America have blended together so strongly and spirited. They play on it constantly. They sure do, and everything is about the virtues of Christmas and this and that, this one that's important.
Speaker 1:What's the Christmas moral in this movie? Where's the Christmas lesson? Where is the children? This is what Christmas is about. What is it Someone tell me what Red One is trying to tell children about Christmas?
Speaker 2:Don't be a dick.
Speaker 1:Isn't that what it is? Well, is it, though, because, you know, chris Evans dick his whole life and then just gets to meet Santa Claus? I don't know. Sure, he has a redemption arc, but he's been bad his whole life, bad list, naughty list his whole life, and he's just saving santa claus without, like I mean, I think they set up why he is, but once again in spirited.
Speaker 2:You know, mom's alcoholic sister dies. Mom makes up fake dog at the beginning you know all the dog escaped and the kids out looking for the. You know, I mean, it's a real thing, you know, there's like oh okay, it'll mess you up this seems like a bad childhood. I I don't know. I mean, he was just he, his kid was just a dick as a kid, right well, his parents?
Speaker 1:I, I think his parents died, oh, okay. I'm pretty sure, and so he was like the Christmas scene at the beginning he's at his uncle's or something.
Speaker 2:Uncle Rick yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but yeah, he's being a dick about it, which you know it's tough, that's a tough situation. If that's what happened. I think that's what happened. I don't totally remember, but I think that's what happened. I don't totally remember. But he was just like hey guys, guess what? Santa's not real. Here's all the presents in this locked door that I'm going to break into.
Speaker 2:Like what is going on over here? Yeah, yeah. So anything else to say before we really dig in deep to Red One.
Speaker 1:Hmm, nope, don't think so.
Speaker 2:Let's do this thing.
Speaker 1:Let's do this thing, let's rip this apart, let's go.
Speaker 2:So we have our main Chris Evans character as a kid Jack, as we said, he shows all the other kids the presence and, like you know, this whole Santa Claus things. We also set up that he has this magical power of being able to find anything and anyone which is weird, that it's when he's a kid too. Well, I mean it has to. I mean it's your premise for the movie. Is we're setting this guy up that he can do this thing seemingly magically?
Speaker 1:for no reasons. I mean it has to be magic, because what I'm saying is he's what? Eight, ten, I don't know. He's young and he already thinks he's the greatest finder in the world, and he is. What are the things that he's found other than these presents? I'm going to need some examples as a kid, because all I've seen him do is steal some keys and break into a locked closet, which, by the way, naughty, very naughty. Don't do that, kids. Which, by the way, naughty, very naughty. Don't do that, kids. Let the magic envelop you this Christmas season.
Speaker 2:Now did you believe in Santa Claus, tony?
Speaker 1:Dan, I still believe in Santa Claus. Okay, I think the problem is humans. All right, yeah, no, we were big believers in Santa Claus growing up and then, like I'm eight years older than my younger brother, so then, once I transitioned, I was part of the ruse to keep him believing. Yeah, it was great times. The magic is real, oh, wow, okay, cool. I love christmas, dan.
Speaker 2:I love it uh, he eats santa's cookies. So 30 years later, here we are at a starbucks. He starts by stealing somebody's coffee and then we find out he's an inveterate gambler who always loses, which I'm not sure what that's all about. He scopes out this girl, causes an electrical fire, steals her badge, lets loose some, some dogs, which distract a security guard, gets into the lab, patches into their cable and then, as he's leaving, he sees a baby who is holding a candy. He's holding one of those clear suckers.
Speaker 1:With the wrapper on, which is an interesting detail.
Speaker 2:First of all, no one would give their kid at that age that candy.
Speaker 1:They wouldn't give it to him with the wrapper on and then he's, because that's how you choke and die as a baby. Just FYI.
Speaker 2:And then for some reason, he has to. In case you didn't get it he steals candy from a baby. You know, I did laugh. Oh, you laughed, I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 1:I did. I fell for it because I was like it's so on the nose. Yeah, there's this. They literally take the saying you steal candy from a baby and they make it a person. I I mean listen, as as kids movies, which I don't know that this is. I at the time I was like this is a kid's movie, right, I don't know anymore, but it's funny because kids will probably get that joke, you know.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I mean, you're like okay, okay, okay okay, it's like when the bad guy of the film shoots his minions. So you know that he's a bad guy, but it's even more obvious than that. Sure, you know what I mean, because they show him smiling and walking off with it. It's just like you guys, you silly bastards.
Speaker 2:I mean, it seems like you could have written that like funny.
Speaker 1:It's you could have. Or that's option one right at funny, or option two is keep that ridiculous silly theme going out through the movie.
Speaker 2:And then I think, in my true tony fashion, it'll get funny if you beat that dead horse, that dead horse might be funny eventually you know, and you never know you could it might it might not, I don't know, but at least try, try something yeah, you know, it just seems like he could have stole.
Speaker 2:You know you could have done something much funnier. You know, like the kids wearing like a wearing like a hershey's kiss hat, you know he steals the hat and you're like, oh you see, he stole candy from baby you know, but it's a, it's one layer deeper yes, that there were no. That's. That's exactly what's wrong with this movie. There were no layers. At no point did you go oh, oh, now I, oh, you were always like yeah, but yeah, okay yeah, you know, it's all pretty logical.
Speaker 1:You know they don't try to throw anything at you. That's too crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah you're you're, you're never left confused. No, if you're. If you are confused, then the next scene will be them explaining exactly what the myth is and why that thing is that way.
Speaker 1:Hey, you remember that thing we just talked about. Let me explain it to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so their big evil plan, this evil snow globe. You're like, oh, this is going to mean something. And you're like, no, they're going to act like it's going to mean something, but instead they're just going to explain it in the next scene.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So this is they stole things from the Marvel Universe, yeah, and then they stole a bunch of stuff from the Santa Claus series.
Speaker 2:Oh dear.
Speaker 1:Like the movies and the TV show, the Santa Claus. A lot of those ideas are in this movie and I found that very weird to me.
Speaker 2:Man.
Speaker 1:Like the snow globes. Snow globes play a very important part in the third Santa Claus, which is a terrible film, fyi Awful. Rwatched it on the plane after this movie and I was like I've made a mistake. But the whole thing it's all about the snow globes holding the powers like that they have a snow globe room, because the first it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:We're not gonna get the lore of the santa claus, but snow globes are very important, so they stole that. One of the characters, the the son of santa claus, is named cal in the santa claus, but snow globes are very important, so they stole that. One of the characters, the the son of santa claus, is named cal in the santa claus series, which is, yeah, which is the rock's name, it's cal. And I was like what, what is that? You can't think of a different name? What's going on?
Speaker 2:here because you'd think, if you were writing a terrible movie like this, you would have done your. Because, like, I've not seen any of those movies, those santa claus, I've not seen any of those movies, those Santa Claus movies, I've never seen any of those.
Speaker 1:You've never seen the first one?
Speaker 2:I don't believe so.
Speaker 1:I would say watch the first one. The first one's a real movie, like a genuine comedy. And then two is a Disney movie. Straight up, it Disney-fies itself. Three is trash. It's a dumpster fire. Don't watch it.
Speaker 2:And then the tv show's fun um and like the the what's the arnold schwarzenegger one, where they jingle all the way.
Speaker 1:You don't know the name. Of jingle all the way, the greatest holiday film of all time yeah, I haven't seen that one either. So, okay, okay. So homework for this week.
Speaker 2:Man, you need to watch jingle all the way and the santa claus the first one what I'm saying is, if I was gonna write one of these kind of movies, I'd probably do my research to understand what the competition is you have to, you absolutely have to do it, yeah. Okay, so then we have a Christmas song. Christmas, the snow is coming down, so we have a Christmas song. We're like okay, now we get to JK Simmons', jack Santa and the Rock as his number one bodyguard, whose name is Cal, and I guess it's secret.
Speaker 2:he's like an ogre or something and they tease that at one point and then he never turns into anything else at all.
Speaker 1:Which?
Speaker 2:I was like, well, that's kind of weird, you'd think he'd have one thing, they tease it a couple times at that house.
Speaker 1:Oh, a couple times. Was it a couple times? A couple times, yeah, because at one point chris evans asks him if he's human or says something about being human. He's like you think I'm human? And my response was yes, resounding yes, I've seen no evidence of the contrary.
Speaker 2:And chris evans does have the occasional line like that where he, where he points out the, the things, yeah, and you know he's just so generally charming, he sort of helps to carry this around along. Yeah, he's great. And in this first scene where rock is playing the bodyguard, we're like, oh yeah, this is this still feels like he hasn't really progressed in his ability to to act these kind of scenes. He's not gonna, it's not good.
Speaker 1:Because here's the thing, and this is not a knock on Dwayne Johnson.
Speaker 2:Knock on the rock.
Speaker 1:But I do have several of those. He doesn't need to right Like he's making millions and millions of dollars doing what he does. Why would he feel the need to get better at anything? Yeah, I'm not saying that he shouldn't, I'm just saying I understand the mentality. It's the same thing actors like out of work, actors like myself. When people are like, hey, you should get back into acting class, we're like, why? I don't have anything else to learn. I'm good, so I get it. That's all I'm saying I understand. My manager once told me to get back in class and I said you shut your mouth. I'm the best actor on the planet. And then she dropped me yeah you don't think you?
Speaker 2:you disagree with this rock theory well I just wonder, wouldn't you just kind of get better?
Speaker 1:you well, yeah, I mean, I mean you should just in practice, practice makes perfect, that's all. Acting class is right, it's just doing it. I mean, he's nobody's like this is how you do it. You just do it and you start. You start feeling those emotions. You have to learn how to connect internally, you know it should just happen eventually.
Speaker 2:Part of it's not about you know, like JK Simmons' Jack Santa, you kind of buy it and you know it kind of makes some amount of sense.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't know, let's not go that far, I mean it makes internal logical sense to the stupid movie.
Speaker 2:Sure, sure, sure you know you think back to whatever that one where he played the music teacher and he tournaments. What's his name? And you're just like, wow, think of all that reality that could be infused in a movie like this. And instead he's giving reality to this weird Jack Santa character that no one wants to spend any time with.
Speaker 1:Do you want to know my biggest problem about jack santa? Yes, we don't have a line, a joke, an explanation. We have nothing about why the public believes he's fat. Never, there's, no, there's never a joke about it like he should. He should say something. Coca-cola's made his path for some reason. Like there has to be a line about why you are jacked the f up and everybody thinks you're a roly-poly idiot. Well, that, that's my biggest problem and I.
Speaker 2:My biggest problem was this whole thing was, you know, the bad guy's gonna make it so that santa, they're gonna do something bad with, with santa's situation, but they also make it that santa has to do this thing and it's like, well, no, he doesn't nothing, nothing's gonna happen on the if if, because santa doesn't deliver all the presents, they just sort of set up that he delivers an additional you know five to eight percent of the packages, which they don't even say what it is. So if those packages don't show up, there there is there is no loss. Right, you have to. You have to establish what the you know what's going to truly be missing if he doesn't do it, and that there isn't anything so they're sort of they're fighting to find and save their friend, but at the same time you're like what are the?
Speaker 2:what are the stakes? Because they're making the stakes be to be global and universal yeah when it really should just be personal. And if it was personal then you'd be like oh, this is way more interesting, right? I don't know. Yeah, there's definitely a thing there, because they're acting like Santa Claus has to deliver those packages, or else the world is having a problem.
Speaker 1:And here's why I know it's not Because people don't believe in Santa Claus.
Speaker 2:I know it's not because people don't believe in Santa.
Speaker 1:Claus, and this is why making a Santa Claus movie is very difficult to fight. This line of adults don't believe in Santa, kids do. And yet he's real somehow, because on Christmas Day, when presents arrived that the parents didn't buy, why aren't they like what the hell's going on? These aren't presents that I bought. Santa must be real. It's a very tricky situation to get into. That I bought. Santa must be real. It's a very tricky situation to get into, but this movie makes a point of chris evans never believing in santa as as a kid or as an adult. If santa was real and gave his cousins presents, he would probably know yeah, he would it tough, it's a tough, it's a real hard balance to make a Santa Claus movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is Okay. So boom, he's playing. Rock is worried about everybody. You know, lady tries to bring Santa cookies and this is so Santa really comes out into the world to you know, feel how the people are feeling. Yeah, we have poor John Rudnitsky come out there and try to play this annoying influencer called beef stew who just wants Santa to put on a shirt. And it's so bad it's. I've got my 3000 followers are going to be unhappy if you don't do this, santa, and it's like yeah.
Speaker 1:John.
Speaker 2:Rudnitsky funny guy, don't you ever talk about it. He was in a movie, in a show called the Big Leap. The Big Leap, which was, he was Wonderful, incredible. In this show he was a great actor, funny, charismatic, and they've reduced him to a pile of garbage for a bit. That isn't even funny and it just makes you so sad.
Speaker 1:Well, it's such a weird choice, right? Because they're making him a loser in this situation, because the joke is I only have 3,000 followers, but I have t-shirts and I have a bit to do, but I'm not actually popular. Nobody knows who I am behind me, so it's just like a really weird setup that feels out of place in reality in general but also doesn't set him up for any jokes. No, which is why, why would you do and why would you get such a like a real guy, like a noticeable guy I'm not saying he's famous, or anything but he's around.
Speaker 1:We know who he is. Get an unknown for this bit. It's weird.
Speaker 2:It's weird that.
Speaker 1:I know him more in real life than the people in the movie know him. It's just a weird dichotomy for such a guy that's a loser and in it so little and give him nothing. Why did he agree to it? When was this filmed? How much money. I hope they gave him a bunch of money. I really do.
Speaker 2:You make money off a movie like this and you know we can sit here and instantaneously, you know, I'm thinking to myself well, how could you make this scene better? Well, santa Claus talks to him.
Speaker 1:Of course he does, santa Claus.
Speaker 2:Do some Santa, he can do some Santa Claus-ing. Santa Claus takes him, says to him let it go. This isn't who you are. You're this, that and the other thing. Remember when I brought you that thing? He sorts this guy out, but Santa doesn't. There's no sorting out. Santa doesn't sort out anything.
Speaker 1:Santa, never Santa Clauses. That's the problem. He never used his santa magic, he doesn't.
Speaker 2:He doesn't santa clause as a verb, we, and that's a problem we put him in a globe and he sits there asleep for the whole movie and yep, and, and a lot of times.
Speaker 2:We're waiting for that because we find out krampus is his brother and you're waiting for him to say some things, or somebody to say some things where, like you hurt me, and then he's like you want these people to take on these emotional stakes. Even in a stupid movie like this, you've got to take on some emotional stakes, otherwise we don't care, because all your lore you've written up is never going to get us there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it's great that you've taken the time to think it out and you've created a world that sucks, but you know it's a world that you can live in if you wanted to, but you don't do anything with it. There's nothing Like. I don't care about any of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so he gets a convoy of cars. We find out that Cal is retiring because Because he doesn't like people.
Speaker 1:That's the easiest explanation.
Speaker 2:He doesn't like people anymore, so he goes to this whole process and then he likes people because he he ended up liking jack. Is that the idea? Yeah?
Speaker 1:what it is. What it is is he doesn't see the inner child of anyone anymore, and so that's the. The whole thing. The chris, if you want to find a christmas lesson, it's that the. You know, adults suck and our inner child is the only virtue we have as people. But he just can't see the inner child anymore. All he sees is shitty adults and he's like this isn't cool, this isn't fun anymore.
Speaker 2:And so at the end which I get At the end spoilers Jack is there with his kid, and so he sees Jack as his inner child interacting with his kid.
Speaker 1:Which is weird.
Speaker 2:It's the weirdest scene in the whole movie because you're like he's not interacting with him, as they're both kids.
Speaker 1:As a kid. No, they're not like playing action figures with each other. You know, like he's teaching them life lessons over there. It's very strange.
Speaker 2:It's very weird. Boom, boom, he's retiring. They get to the military airport. There's the general like, hello Santa, we're the military, we know everything about Santa and you're like, okay, number one, if Santa had magic and had a magic place, the military would be trying to steal all his secrets and they would be trying to co-opt him. You can't trust the military, they're the military.
Speaker 1:No for sure. I mean they'd be like you have a globe that hides you from everyone else on the planet. We're going to need that around the United States stat.
Speaker 2:And you're going to be flying over airspace and doing whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, sure no problem, we're not going to shoot you down with a heat-seeking missile. Don't worry about it, santa Stupid.
Speaker 2:So dumb. And then the reindeer are like six stories tall.
Speaker 1:Yep, no, I didn't like that. Didn't like that at all. What a weird choice. Why that doesn't make them more magical. What's going?
Speaker 2:on here.
Speaker 1:They're taller, they're more magical you don't understand, and their horns I don't understand.
Speaker 2:You're absolutely right and they're okay.
Speaker 1:Uh, and their antlers are the magic. Is that what's happening? Because they glow. They're like golden glowing. I don't know the reindeer love kelly, but their cow that they are indifferent to santa, I don't know it's which is pretty strange, right like Santa should be best friends with his reindeer, that's kind of a thing. So they take off and then In the worst sled in the history of the world Okay, like this, it's frustrating. It's not even a sled, right Like it's some sort of hovercraft.
Speaker 2:That was like straight out of Guardians of the Galaxy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what's happening? This is dumb.
Speaker 2:God, there was another. There was like an all animated one, where Santa had like a jet powered one that I remember watching and it was okay.
Speaker 1:It was all right, was he at least? Santa.
Speaker 2:But the only thing I remember about it is the sleigh was very similar in this design. Okay, that's the only thing I remember about the movie. So they go there and then they do a sonic boom or something happens. And that's the crux of the thing is that Jack had planted this thing to sense this signal, but she's going to send it to the bad guys so that they're going to know where the north pole is, because how could they not know exactly where it is?
Speaker 1:see. Now, that's a great question, because when you, when it first happens, you're like, oh, this is like humans are trying to figure out where santa is. I love this, that's fun, yeah. But then it turns out that it's someone who already knows santa everything and has interacted with santa. And it's someone who already knows Santa and has interacted with Santa and is like best friends, slash lovers, with his brother, like she knows where it is. I don't understand. She knows exactly where she's been there. For sure she's been there.
Speaker 2:It's a big invisible force shield over a large area. Huge, it's giant. You can just walk around up there until you're bumped into it.
Speaker 1:I found it. I found it, guys, let's go.
Speaker 2:Once again, this is a bunch of premises in search of a movie. So we've got to set all these things up. Secret Dome over the city. This city is massive, it's filled with talking polar bears. And Dobby is there? Little Dobby guys, oh, little Dobby, All these other things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Listen, in general I'm okay with the idea of like the animals being a part of it. I love that, that's great. But the city's dumb. It needs to feel like the North Pole still Like, come on, there's barely even any snow around here, you know.
Speaker 2:He goes, santa is working out, cal shows up to give him a letter and I'm just like this is my resignation letter. And you're like wait, we already set up that he was resigned.
Speaker 1:Everybody already knows, bro, you talked about it already. It's so weird. That's not how resignation letters work. You've already given it because everybody knows you're resigning.
Speaker 2:Doesn't make any sense, this should be the point at which we shouldn't have mentioned it before. And he gives it now and we're like oh, we have this. This is the emotional moment. But this isn't the emotional moment because everyone already knows what's going on everyone already knows and they're just working out.
Speaker 1:He's just, he's just banging out reps, you know, he's just like all right, well, cool, man, don't do it, I think you're gonna miss it. See you later.
Speaker 2:Terrible stuff so the bad guys find the dome, start cutting the hole in the dome. Uh, cal's walking around you know melancholy and he sees, like the little house, there's a little sign up. There's this decrepit house with the thing around it. It says where it all began and I'm like, wow, this must be significant. We spent some time. We've shown you this sign, we've we've. When we flew over, we saw this house. Now we've gone back to, we've met this house again. This is going to be a key to everything well, it kind of is.
Speaker 1:Oh, is it? No, not in the movie at all. Um, what I mean?
Speaker 2:is thanks to me. It's the north pole the way that it should be.
Speaker 1:It's because that's how, that's the north pole, that, oh, this is what you guys think the north pole is, this little house in the middle of the snow, which is what it is. And then they're like guess what? Instead we build asgard on top. Go fuck yourselves. So it's like it's just a middle finger to people like me that want santa claus in the north pole to be slightly traditional so cal looks up at the big asgardian tower and he sees a light go out and he's like calling somebody, there's a light that went out.
Speaker 2:And then he sees another thing go out and he's like, oh, now there's a whole other thing like everybody alert, security, alert, everybody, security alert.
Speaker 1:Everybody panic.
Speaker 2:So he runs up there and they find that Santa Claus is missing. Santa Claus is missing and they don't know where he is. And then they see an armored snowcat driving away. Yeah, this thing drives 100 miles an hour. He runs on top of this little building like this. Yeah, he's fine, he keeps up building like this yeah, he's fine, he keeps up with it constantly.
Speaker 1:Well, he's not human, Dan they keep telling you that that's true. But they won't show you what he is, they just want you to know.
Speaker 2:He jumps down, so he takes these slides, which are a thing from Avatar, where the Rock City. They're exactly the same thing, he goes down there, he catches up, he pulls out a tiny little snowmobile, throws it down, and then he has this magic beam thing and he does the giant man Ant-Man thing and it becomes a normal-sized thing and he gets on it and he chases them and then they get out of the thing. Then he causes an avalanche, Causes a giant avalanche.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure which only succeeds in stopping them, he opens it up. It's all a trick, because he sees an airplane fly over and they've gotten away.
Speaker 1:Now, Dan, here's a question what does the ability to shrink and grow toys and things of that nature have to do with being an elf? He's not elf, he's like a troll or something I understand that he's part of elf, which is like their extra lazy fucks. I'm pretty sure that's not what they said it stands for.
Speaker 2:But I'll allow it. Hold on when they do do the anachronism for elf. It is terrible it is.
Speaker 1:It's awful and it's dumb, but he gets mad. When you're like, oh, you're an elf, he's like I'm not an elf, I'm part of elf, something stupid like that I don't know. But what does this have to do with anything like? Why does he have this power?
Speaker 2:so that you can use it in different situations.
Speaker 1:He also has a thing where he goes beep, boop, boop and then he's really strong yeah, yeah, like I, just I just don't understand what any of this has to do with.
Speaker 2:It's not even christmas magic maybe he should, you know, he should have a gun instead he should.
Speaker 1:I don't know man, he should have something. This is dumb.
Speaker 2:I don't like it well, what was the movie that we were watching where they got the three wishes? We're watching something. Dear santa, oh dear santa, and it's satan. Yeah, sat got the three wishes. We were watching something.
Speaker 1:Dear Santa, oh Dear Santa, and it's Satan. Yeah, satan's three wishes. Satan fans out three wishes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is very similar to that where you're just like, okay, you gotta, like you gotta give us a little something more.
Speaker 1:I mean, wouldn't that be nice? Also on an unrelated note, actually, dan Dear Satan, which is, if you didn't watch our episode or watch the movie, it's about a dyslexic kid that spells Santa wrong and writes a letter. That joke is also in the Santa Claus In the first season of the Santa Claus. It's on Disney+. He's like saying goodbye and the elves are doing a dance and they spell out goodbye Santa, but they spell it goodbye Satan. And then he goes, oh spelling, and then they all scream and most around I was like these people just stealing everything from the santa claus.
Speaker 2:it's unbelievable, not to say anything good about the santa claus, the tv show that's.
Speaker 1:That sounds funny it is funny there's. There are a couple very funny moments. A lot of them are not great, but it's. But I mean there's some funny stuff. And again, the original Santa Claus is great, dan, you should watch it.
Speaker 2:See you walk into a room and you tell me that bit. I'm like, okay, that bit sounds funny. I want to see these guys dancing around. I want to see them spell it out. I want to see them call for spelling. And I want to be like bah, that's exactly what happens. Yep, it's funny you just described exactly the scene. You've never even seen it. I've never seen it because it sounds like a good scene.
Speaker 1:It is a good scene.
Speaker 2:So Now we meet Lucy Liu, the most Not badly used, but just superfluous. Wasted, superfluous wasted character that's ever existed.
Speaker 1:We're like oh, lucy Liu. I loved her Because Lucy Liu's a badass, the superfluous wasted character that's ever existed.
Speaker 2:We're like oh, Lucy Liu, I loved her. I watched that Because Lucy Liu's a badass. She made that Sherlock Holmes show that Sherlock Holmes show doesn't exist without the perfect two-character interplay between the two of them. What's his name? Johnny Lee Miller.
Speaker 1:Johnny Johnny Lee.
Speaker 2:Miller being great, her being Watson, and I watched maybe I watched five seasons of that show, like every episode, yeah.
Speaker 1:Loved it and I'm sure you'd watch it again and you'd be like this is great character interaction.
Speaker 2:Lucy Liu, she can do the thing. Yeah, now was it these three same stars that were in that other terrible Chris Red, something or other, because there was that other.
Speaker 1:Amazon. Oh, that was the Netflix one, right, oh, it was Netflix, wasn't it it was? Oh, no, it was Wonder Woman the Rock. Yeah, wonder Woman. Was that Chris Evans? It was Chris Evans, it was. I don't even remember, dude, I don't even remember that movie wasn't very good.
Speaker 2:It's called Red something or other Red Letter. Are you sure it's not just called?
Speaker 1:Red.
Speaker 2:I don't know it could be. I think that one might just be Red. No, that's the Assassin's one with.
Speaker 1:That's the old Assassin people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the old Assassin. Okay, which is okay. This is tough.
Speaker 1:Okay, so which is the?
Speaker 2:NOPA, something like that, the agency that keeps track of supernatural beings. Okay, yeah, she refers to that jet that escaped as a NORAD blind cargo jet. Norad blind cargo jet, norad blind cargo jet. Well, norad is a place in a mountain that pays attention to everything. Why is that word? Why did someone just go like let's glue that word on the front of cargo jet?
Speaker 1:It's a word that normies recognize but probably don't know enough about to question it. You know what I mean. It is called red notice, by the way. I just looked it up on my phone. There it is.
Speaker 2:Like, stop with the red one, and you know they call Santa Red One. No, it's dumb.
Speaker 1:Well, do you understand it though? Yes, because he's the president. They're basically treating him like he's the president. I'm not saying it's good, but he's got a secret service, he's got code names, he's got a stupid sleigh that's probably Air Force One-ish.
Speaker 2:We once were doing work for this super rich guy I think maybe one of the top five richest guys in America. He might have owned Marvel Comics at one point, okay, and he had this giant security force and they would do that. They'd be like number one is he was number one, wife was number two and the kid was number three. And they all referred to him as that and you're like, oh okay, this does not make me care about the situation. To make it more military and more.
Speaker 1:No, it makes it dumber, it makes it.
Speaker 2:It makes it more impersonal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, and again, because you don't want to watch the Santa Claus for some dumb reason, and I'm sorry to keep bringing it up everybody, but in the Santa Claus they also have a security force, yeah, elfs, which is, and it's, you know, it's a bunch of cute little kids playing elves and they like they have to rest, they have to break them out of jail. So they fly with their jet packs to jail. And then the security guy's like who are you idiots? It's closed, get out of here. And they're like we're your worst nightmare elves with attitude.
Speaker 1:It's fucking amazing how they do it. But it's the same idea. But they do it in a Christmassy fun way and this movie's like okay, but what if we did something like that without any of the fun or Christmas magic? Imagine that movie.
Speaker 2:I hate it. We watched that other one, that what about santa's brother? Which was played by vince vaughn, and they did the fred claus they did that exact scene with the elf security team and and I as I remember that was one of the few kind of funny things in that movie because if you do it right, it's a fun idea, like it's cute and fun.
Speaker 1:it's like oh, santa claus has a security detail. That's funny, but in, but in this movie not fun, not funny, not cute.
Speaker 2:Imagine you did the rocket half scale this whole movie and gave him a funny voice.
Speaker 1:Sure, he would not allow it, he would never do that.
Speaker 2:Santa red one. I'm here Like this little tiny rock.
Speaker 1:It'd be very weird. I love that idea.
Speaker 2:I'm in Like this little tiny rock. It'd be very weird. I love that idea. I'm in. Try pitching that into the room.
Speaker 1:He's like Right, get out, get out of my house.
Speaker 2:Okay, so the trolls have a trace. It's the wolf, the best tracker in the world. Then we cut to the wolf. The wolf has to go pick up his kid, his kid's into a girl. Then we cut to the wolf. The wolf has to go pick up his kid, his kid's into a girl. He's like the classic dick dad, but this kid should worship this dad right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because he's just like him, so he should be like. You're the coolest dad in the world. Criminals unite, you know like.
Speaker 2:I don't know. It's weird. It's like mom's a nerd. My dad is like this cool guy who bucks the system, you know yeah.
Speaker 1:I just want to be like you, dad. I want to be, and he's like no, no, you don't want to. We're not into this. Like he should be against, they shouldn't both be against. It Doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2:And the kid should be a problem. Kid uh, he sees those guys in the truck.
Speaker 1:He sees guys in the truck, still goes to his apartment yeah, yeah, because he notices it, but he's like it's probably fine, so I'm not a mastermind criminal. That's wanted by the fbi, it's okay.
Speaker 2:So he goes there. It's a big fight. They have these guns that if you hit with the gun, you get frozen. We'd never see those guns again.
Speaker 1:No, it's just in this little capture scene. They would come in handy all over the place, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then he runs away, and he almost gets away and then think, lucy lou is just waiting for them and she's. She knows exactly where he's gonna run to and she's absent and then she sure seems like if you're the greatest tracker in the world and you know where everybody is, you probably wouldn't go where there was a person right? Is that right?
Speaker 1:go to the one place that she's just waiting behind a door. There are a thousand doors you could go into. She's at one Was.
Speaker 2:Cal, even in this situation.
Speaker 1:No, cal didn't come with, as far as I could tell. Why didn't Cal come with? Because he's too big, too obvious.
Speaker 2:So they're like, box him up. And we're like, okay, they're going to box him up. Okay, so they put him in a box. Well, they're gonna box him up, okay. So they put him in a box. Well, they don't see it. They say, box him up. Then the next scene they come out, they they hand card him out there and then the the box walls just fall off and there he is sitting in a chair. And why did they box him up?
Speaker 1:I mean, it's, it's an interesting concept I can tell you why I thought they were gonna box okay, give me, give me the real joke, tony, what's the real? I thought it was it was going to be a present. Yeah, I thought he was going to be like box me up and then they wheel him in. He's in a fucking present. That's funny.
Speaker 2:But he was in a shipping crate.
Speaker 1:Nope, just a shipping crate. Yeah that they just threw in the back of a van, probably, I don't know Okay boom. You should come in with a ribbon and then they undo the ribbon and then the sides fall off and he's in the box. What was?
Speaker 2:that. What was that? It's adorable. What was that movie where we watched and the guy goes and buys the big Christmas tree and it comes out of the box and goes? That was a weird movie.
Speaker 1:What was that movie I?
Speaker 2:don't even know.
Speaker 1:We did it for this show?
Speaker 2:I sure we did. It's like there's like a little Christmas, there's a Christmas store, is it Eddie Murphy? And he keeps going back for more Christmas presents.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, yeah, it's um. Oh yeah, we did this. I think it was just last year we did this yeah, you keep. I'll look that one up too, so we can feel better.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's Mora. They protect the mythological world. He sees the headless horseman, she says question the usual suspects.
Speaker 1:Candy Cane Lane was the name of that film in 2023. There was a couple of good things in that movie. Yeah well, it's Eddie Murphy. There's going to be something good, Of course.
Speaker 2:And Jack acclimatizes to their big mythological creatures. 10 seconds, four seconds, one second. Do you think it really took? Yeah, I'm not sure.
Speaker 1:I don't even know if acclimatize is the right word. I think he was just. He was just ready for it it does not surprise me. Yeah, no, it's. Uh, it's pretty weird, right, because he's a guy that didn't even believe in santa claus this whole time. And then in this conversation he's like are you telling me that santa claus has been kidnapped, like just immediately on board with it. I've spent 35 to 40 years not believing in anything and now I'm just like oh yeah, no, cool, cool, I'm on board, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about giant polar bear the fudge yeah, so giant polar bear, um, and then they. You know, of course we do, oh, we do. This is the point where we do the naughty list and we get the explanation that 50 percent of the world is on the naughty list. 50 percent of the world is on the naughty list. 50 of the world is on the naughty list that's a little low, if you ask me, dan well, we set up the, we set up the naughty list, as I believe telling a lie, or yeah?
Speaker 1:there was a list. Yes, there was like a list and I was. I was shocked. There's no way that that listen, you guys are being way too strict.
Speaker 2:Naughty List is 99% if lying and jaywalking are on the list You're telling me.
Speaker 1:I can never tell a lie to be. That's why I have to be on the nice list. No wonder I'm not getting presents from Santa.
Speaker 2:No one does Good, golly, no one does. One-year-olds are getting the presents.
Speaker 1:That's it. I mean like so here's a question, right? So my wife comes in and she's like hey, does this shirt look good on me? And it doesn't. But I'm going to say yes, right, you say yes. You always say yes. Now I'm on the naughty list because I'm trying to make her feel better. That's bullshit, santa.
Speaker 2:And that's the thing is like you, and that's the thing is like you. Have to keep these things tenuous. You can't explain the naughty list.
Speaker 1:It was yeah, you can't, you know black.
Speaker 2:It's not black and white. You know either up or down.
Speaker 1:That's why Santa's got to check it twice. You know he keeps going through it and he's like, okay, you know what? This isn't that bad. Let's change this to nice list.
Speaker 2:So boom we go, we're going to see the bad guy. Finally, They've got Santa in this undersea globe pod where they're going to suck his energy out.
Speaker 1:Our bad guy is yeah, what is this Dan? What is this magic? I was annoyed.
Speaker 2:Well then, he doesn't have to do anything for the rest of the movie.
Speaker 1:Right, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, it's dumb.
Speaker 2:It's real dumb Talk about the villain Little blonde girl.
Speaker 1:I still don't know who she is. She's the Christmas witch.
Speaker 2:She's the evil Christmas witch that we always hear about.
Speaker 1:Now let me just Real quick the evil Christmas witch.
Speaker 2:That we always hear about.
Speaker 1:Once again, they do have the Christmas witch In the Santa Claus, in the Santa Claus. That's where she's from, she's from the Santa Claus always hear about. Once again, you know, they do have the christmas witch in the santa claus. Uh, in this in the santa claus that's where she's from, she's from the santa claus. I mean she must be, because when I mean she must be real, not you know what I mean but, like she must be from something.
Speaker 1:No, if both of them have it. But I was just very confused. I don't know where this came from, uh, and I don't know who she is and I don't understand why she wants to punish people.
Speaker 2:Nerlia or something. Her name is. You think that was yeah.
Speaker 1:They do make a little joke about him, nobody knowing how to say it at first.
Speaker 2:Right, Don't say that, I'm saying it yeah. So she's the evil Christmas.
Speaker 1:Hilarious joke.
Speaker 2:At some point point she dated Krampus for hundreds of years.
Speaker 1:We find out later yeah. And they and they want to punish people.
Speaker 2:And she, she. They both want to teach the bad people that they're bad, so they want to punish them.
Speaker 1:Yes, by locking them in little snow globes for the rest of their lives, until they just die in a snow globe. That would be, punishment it feels a little extreme. I don't even know if it's for jaywalking. You know what?
Speaker 2:now you're locked up for eternity because it's all weird list that we're not even sure how the list exists or why the list exists or I have absolutely no idea. No, I mean, it seems like your bad guy needs to be krampus and we need to have an explanation as to the real conflict between him and, um santa and childhood, because it's a nice personal connection.
Speaker 1:Your brothers and you know you wronged him in some way by doing something that wasn't necessarily me like. Santa claus isn't mean right, but it's a misunderstanding. He feels slighted. Now he's getting revenge and now you make up and you guys go do Christmas together.
Speaker 2:The, the Thor Loki thing, you know, and that one, one where the the. What is it? Uh, thor two, no, thor three. I guess Ragnarok when they're when they're walking out there and the the two of them are in the elevator and we got that elevator talk and they say Thor's like, I just wanted us to be brothers. And you understood, loki, he's covetous, he's got all these negatives and he just couldn't do it. And that was their relationship.
Speaker 1:We understood that relationship first of all, it would be hard. Because he's Thor, he's getting favoritism all over the place. I'd be bitter too. I'm not gonna lie to you.
Speaker 2:It's just like this thing Tony looks at Dagwood and sounds like he's getting favoritism all over the place. I'd be bitter too.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to lie to you. Yeah, it's just like this thing. Tony looks at Dan Goodsell and is like man, he eats everything. That's why I undermine everything you do, Dan. You try, you try. I am not successful.
Speaker 2:So yeah, she's stealing Santa's energy. We go to a toy store and he picks up 25 items that he's going to embiggen later, including a whole Monopoly board game.
Speaker 1:I'm like if you're going to hold a whole Monopoly board game in your hands. This is what you're going to call it.
Speaker 2:This is Chekhov's gun. You put that gun on the table.
Speaker 1:You better be out in full force at some point, or I'm going to lose my shit.
Speaker 2:We need some monopoly. This is a bit. You've said a beautiful bit. You're getting paid by Hasbro, or is it not ready? Is it no Bradley monopoly at this point?
Speaker 1:I don't know, it is Hasbro.
Speaker 2:Because Hasbro licenses it. I know that because they made my game.
Speaker 1:Which I still own. Oh, there you go. Good job, tony. Yeah, great, it's fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can't be having a guy picking up a Monopoly game, which is I didn't recognize anything else he picked up, Did you?
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, the Rock'em Sock'em Robots which they do use.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, rock'em Sock'em Robots, which they do use and monopoly is the only other thing I noticed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it gets a car and chris evans, why don't you just use the car from the monopoly game?
Speaker 2:that would be cool if there's a car in it guys, if they drove in that car, that would be very sweet. Some fucking sweet rich people car like this weird and that would have been a visual joke you could make. But instead they just put them in some car that they you know that the company paid them for. It's like oh, you get some more product placement Sure?
Speaker 1:Yeah, does anybody want their car in this movie? Anybody, anybody, chris.
Speaker 2:Evans wants to get a Wonder Woman action figure and make that into the full thing. That was a funny joke.
Speaker 1:It was a funny joke. I did enjoy that I did enjoy that.
Speaker 2:So, basically, the bad guys what they want to do is they want to take this snow globe that they can imprison you in and make a bunch of them, and that for some reason initially they can't duplicate them and then something later on happens in the movie so that they can.
Speaker 1:And it does work. Yeah, you know classic science, there it is um, boom, we're on the beach.
Speaker 2:Oh, because they've had to go to aruba. They can transport instantly from any one toy store to another toy store if they go to the closet. Okay, so they get to aruba. They don't have to deal with flying our characters to aruba. There they find they have Caliphs, have beat up some bad guys, and the middle man is what's his name? Nick?
Speaker 1:Kroll. Yeah, nick Kroll.
Speaker 2:Nick Kroll. Let's talk about Nick Kroll for one second.
Speaker 1:Please, let's do it Nick. Kroll, what do you got Funny man? Yeah, he's funny Funny man, not in this movie.
Speaker 2:They forgot that part Hiring Nick Kroll.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh, yeah, that's it. That's all you wanted to say. He's funny, but not in this movie. You're absolutely right. Here's the weird thing that I don't like, and I don't know whose choice this was. Maybe it was Nick's choice, maybe it was the director's choice, I don't really know, but was. Maybe it was nick's choice, maybe it was the director's choice, I don't really know. But when he gets um taken over by the the witch, so wait they.
Speaker 2:Basically they find out he's ready for the witch. They say the finds out the witch's name. They say the witch chris evans accidentally says the witch's name.
Speaker 1:The witch then possesses nick kroll and and then it's just him talking weird and like he's and and, oh and, and leaning over, leaning forward at about a 30 degree angle, you're like yeah why is he leaning at a 30 degree?
Speaker 2:what does that even?
Speaker 1:mean, why is he talking in a different cadence than the witch? She is talking through, but it's like a weird transference thing where she's talking at a normal pace and he's talking super slow. Maybe they hired so she's not talking through him.
Speaker 2:Maybe they hired the witch after they had him do his part.
Speaker 1:I don't know. It's just weird because it's not like she's talking through his mouth. It's like they're playing a game of telephone where she's like, okay, this is what you're going to say to them and then he has to repeat it, as opposed to her talking through. It's very strange and I don't like the voice he chose, which is just like a weird. Yeah, I don't know what's happening, but it's all bad. Someone should have watched it and been like let's do some reshoots. Let's just let's spend a couple extra thousand dollars and do this differently, cause this is hey, I got an idea, let's.
Speaker 2:You and I spend 15 seconds thinking about this scene. What do we do? We have her do the thing and we look at how she stands and what she does, and then we tell Nick Kroll to do that.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, because she's talking through him. Yeah, oh, that's a fun joke. No, instead let's do the opposite and just have him scream a bunch of things. There's no reason and we'll put them on strings. Yeah, I don't understand, because that was like a choice they had to make, because they had to rig up a thing where he could lean forward and kind of, I don't know, this is weird, I don't know who's making these choices. Then what happens? I don't know what happens next. Then he falls into the sand. I thought he was dead.
Speaker 2:Nope, ice cream music happens An ice cream truck rolls out of the ocean and three giant snowmen get out. Yeah, yep, that is what happens yeah, and then we spend time fighting them.
Speaker 1:They kill nick crow or freeze him enough so that he's not useful and then our guys defeat them all by pulling up off their noses, just pulling off their noses.
Speaker 2:I don't get it burning them on a fire. That doesn't do it, it's the nose. Nope, it's the nose. Now hold on hold on a second tony. Okay, there's, there's. There's the seminal snowman text. What is the seminal snowman?
Speaker 1:text frosty, this is what I was gonna say. It's frosty, the freaking snowman. It's not a carrot, that's not where his magic comes from. It's a gosh darn top hat. You take off the top hat and he would go away. I don't understand it. They steal from everywhere, except for when it makes sense. Come on, guys.
Speaker 2:Okay, so we had a big fight. Ice cream truck Pool yeah, that was really funny. Um, then we do this whole thing with the dude getting a ticket and then the snow globe is in his porsche and then it doesn't work and we're just like I don't understand. It was the weirdest, most. I don't know what he's even happening. Scene.
Speaker 1:Yeah, nope, I have no idea, because the police or the patrol, what are they called? Nope, the parking maid. I feel like that's offensive.
Speaker 2:Meter maid.
Speaker 1:Meter maid.
Speaker 2:Meter person. Parking enforcement person.
Speaker 1:Oh, there you go. The parking enforcement person is actually a bad guy that transforms.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't know anything about this scene. Because I think they walk up to the door, open it and then they transform into one of the bad guys, as if the whole thing was a trap, like they needed to put a ticket on his car to make him go to his car. What does that have to do with anything? He's going back to the car eventually.
Speaker 2:You can just wait and like, like you open up your, your porsche and there's like a present sitting there and you're like, oh, I better open that up.
Speaker 1:That's definitely not a bomb for me, a present. I don't understand. Secret, secret, santa, baby, you know this is great.
Speaker 2:Okay, so they check the UDM, which is a thing that says where magic is happening.
Speaker 1:Now, this bothers me. What the UDM? I don't remember what it is. It's the unregistered something. It's about people that use magic that aren't allowed to a la Harry Potter. This is just something literally stolen from Harry Potter. But why is this the first time? They've known who the bad person is for a little bit now, yeah, and then they went to Nick Kroll to be like, hey, where is she? But why didn't you just check the list of this magic people? You instantly find her. They found her within 20 seconds of being like oh, let's check the list. That literally tells us where these people are. Why? Why isn't that your first stop?
Speaker 2:oh, because this is not a movie where see, like a normal, this is a red herring movie. Right, you set up what the red herring is and then that is that you just follow that, point a to point b, to point c, to point d. But in this movie we figured well, let's just end that here so we can talk about a new thing figure out something different as opposed to like you know, taking Nick Crow's cell phone and being like oh, here it is on his cell phone because that's what you do in a normal movie right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you're right about that.
Speaker 2:But no, instead, we can set up a whole new thing that will never get reused and never get thought about again. But we can set up a whole new thing that will never get reused and never get thought about again, but we can use it now.
Speaker 2:I don't like it so now they got to go to Krampus' and we find out that Chris Evans' character is supposed to be at a concert at 7 pm Unlikely. Now they take a blue truck. They get to Krampus' place. Before we go into Krampus' place, kyle says to Chris whatever his name is he's like don't steal any of the money that's going to be laying around. There's going to be lots of money laying around. Don't pick it be lots of money laying around. Don't pick it up. Got it, Tony. Don't pick up the money.
Speaker 1:I mean that's basically Aladdin, right, I don't know, don't touch anything except for the lamp. And then he touches something and then they're in trouble. Same situation. I've never seen that one? Yes, you have. You've seen Aladdin, you liar.
Speaker 2:It was fun. I actually liked that movie.
Speaker 1:It's great. I did not like Robin.
Speaker 2:Williams in the movie, but I liked the movie. I'm trying really hard not to lose my shit on you, right now, I didn't like it because this was you know why I didn't like that His, his name is because that was the beginning of you having a movie set in a time period, and then the comedian makes a bunch of relevant pop culture references.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that don't make sense.
Speaker 2:I mean, I I get it. I'm not saying it wasn't funny I'm. You know it's robin williams. He's very funny, but I I don't. I think that if you're gonna set something in a time period, you gotta figure out how to make it funny for the time period period.
Speaker 1:You know it's, you know I agree with what you're saying. My counterpoint which doesn't matter because we're not talking about this movie is that he's an all-powerful genie and he probably knows shit from the future, Dan. But I also agree with you that that did kind of set a precedent where it was okay just to do this willy-nilly, and I disagree with that. So I'm with you and against you at the same time.
Speaker 2:Most people are not going to be well-versed enough to be able to do it, so that it actually is funny For sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and it's a problem. Stupid, wrong claims God.
Speaker 2:I love him Unbelievable yeah he's very funny, Very funny man. Okay, boom. So we get in there and there's hellhounds. So we get in there and there's hellhounds. He takes a rubber chicken, turns it into a real chicken, a real chicken who Cal specifically knows. And when the later saves that chicken.
Speaker 1:Uh-huh yeah, it's weird, it's confusing. I don't. Is this a chicken from Christmas story somewhere, like did I miss something?
Speaker 2:I think you're going gonna have to watch more seasons of the santa claus to figure out what they sold maybe it'll come.
Speaker 1:Yeah, maybe it's season two. I haven't gotten there on my rewatch yet. Maybe there's a christmas chicken in there. I I just don't even understand what's happening. I don't get it oh, here you are.
Speaker 2:Harriet, the chicken that I know personally. I've set you on a new task. Task Be careful. I don't want you to die, because I have a lot of emotions invested in you. You're my best friend Because you're a rubber chicken toy that I picked up in a random toy store in Germany.
Speaker 1:Yep, yep, it makes perfect sense.
Speaker 2:What's happening Now? Did you own a rubber chicken when you were a kid?
Speaker 1:I don't think I ever did have a rubber chicken. Those are the ones. I don't think I ever did have a rubber chicken Because it was like you squeeze and like with the eyes or whatever.
Speaker 2:That's a rubber chicken. No, it's just a rubber chicken. It's just a chicken that's rubber.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I definitely didn't have a weird toy like that. No, we did as kids Did you Figuring? Out. I mean I had like a rubber ducky. You know that I used to, you know would be in the bath. So I had that Different, different thing. But not a rubber chicken. I know it's a different thing. I'm just saying foul is foul, it's not the same.
Speaker 2:So they walk in and boom, here comes Medusa man. And this man and that man who they don't fight, they immediately surrender to because Jack has stolen a gold coin. He's like gold's worth a lot of money and I have gambling debts.
Speaker 1:So many gambling debts.
Speaker 2:Do you remember the one rule? We did a whole one rule thing.
Speaker 1:I said one thing yeah, it could be a very funny scene.
Speaker 2:So we go see Krampus. Krampus is with all his Krampus people, which are all these people in rubber masks? And we're doing Krampus knocked, which are all these people in rubber masks? And we're doing Krampus knocked, I think, which is a thing where Krampus slaps you. Well, you get to slap Krampus and Krampus is a thousand miles high and you're one foot tall and your slap has no effect on Krampus, while Krampus who's? Gigantic slaps you and you fly across the room, I didn't die.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in the movie, sure, but they do say who either passes out or dies, like that. That's what they say is the rule. So Krampus is killing folk all over the place, yeah, um now, which Christmas story is this from? You think the slap fight? I bet you that's. It might be a real thing. There's no way. I hope that is. I hope the Krampus tale is like he sneaks into your house. You get to slap if you lose. He kidnaps your children, because isn't that Krampus's thing. Like he sneaks into your house, you get to slap If you lose. He kidnaps your children, because isn't that Krampus' thing? He kidnaps the children in a bag?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if you're a bad kid he'd get you. Did we do the Krampus movie? Did we do it?
Speaker 1:We did not do it. I must have.
Speaker 2:I think I watched it and it's not good, but it. Yeah, that's probably why you didn't decide to do it. So the slap fight. Then we get a lot of exposition. They find out about the snow globe. So now we know about the snow globe and then, I don't know, they're going to leave or something, or they're going to keep Cal and they're going to make Chris Evans leave and.
Speaker 2:Chris Evans is like that's not what's going to happen. You're going to Cal's going to slap, fight you and Cal's like I can't beat him. And then what happens is Chris Evans steals his magic, make things bigger and makes him stronger, glove, so that when Cal slaps Krampus, krampus falls down, but he doesn't win, but it's still fine he doesn't win, but it's still fine.
Speaker 1:He doesn't win, though Don't they then have to run away. Yeah, they have to run away because Krampus didn't get knocked out. I guess he was just, you know, knocked down, which I guess isn't the rule. I mean, shouldn't Cal win? Yeah, I mean it makes more sense because you're cheating Otherwise makes more sense because you're cheating Otherwise, you could have just ran away earlier. I don't know, I don't know, it's a dumb scene.
Speaker 2:You got to win, because then you have power and then we're like, ah you got leverage in this and then Krampus has to.
Speaker 2:You know, krampus is like well, I'm going to let you go, but I'm going to owe you a boon and then a piano. In the road they get out, there's a present on the piano and what does jack do? Just opens. Well, he finds that his kid also has the present. His kid gets grabbed by the present. Sure, he opens the present, he gets grabbed by it. They're both transported into onto a shelf where they're trapped inside these snow globes forever.
Speaker 1:No, not forever.
Speaker 2:Until they die, guess what.
Speaker 1:Not even very long, it turns out. There's just a really easy way to escape.
Speaker 2:Well, you have to become a good person.
Speaker 1:Just don't be a shit person. And then you get to break out of these snow globes Now. I guess my question is is this kind of like born-again Christianity where you could just be like you know what, everything I did in the past, don't worry about it, don't worry about it, I'm gonna be good. And then it automatically, like he didn't have to prove anything, I guess, is what I'm saying, you know. I mean, like he just did one good thing, he was just nice to his son. That's not even that good.
Speaker 2:Well, he's done that before and then turned around the next day. Well, I mean, and been a just piece of shit again my understanding of forgiveness in in the christian religion is if you're dying, if I dang good, so laying in the bed dying yeah he comes in and he's like confess your Good, so, and then he has a few hours. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, he absolves me. Then I think I get to go to heaven.
Speaker 1:Yeah, then you're good, you're fine, which is yeah. I guess that makes sense. So, but that's just because you don't have time to mess it up again.
Speaker 2:So Carol calls Mrs Claus, realizes that Mrs Claus isn't Mrs Claus and that they really never left Santa Claus Land. They're underneath Santa Claus Land. They're making lots of the snow globes. He goes back there, let's see. Oh, so he heads back there. Jack, meanwhile, is there with his kid and he's all like you know what? I'm going to be a good dad from now on. And then they both get out of the thing. The kid didn't do anything.
Speaker 1:Right. Yeah, the kid didn't seem to change. He's always just been a kid, so I don't understand why the rules don't really make a lot of sense. The rules don't really make a lot of sense, so Cal is somehow instantly reunited with Jack down below.
Speaker 2:somehow I don't know why they both would have been there, but they are.
Speaker 1:Well, because he was breaking in, Cal was breaking in and they're trying to break out. Yep.
Speaker 2:So now we're there, we release all the elf people and we go up to the top and we see that what the witch has done is she has gotten in the sleigh, has a bonus cart full of all the snow globes Maybe. How many snow globes do you think could fit in that thing? 10,000? Maybe.
Speaker 1:I don't even know if it was 10,000. I was going to guess 5,000. Not 5,000. Let's say 5,'s say five to ten thousand, not not a lot, no, not for 50 of the population, that's for sure, in the billions, billions, yep, nope, that's correct yeah, definitely about where we're taking the care of this tonight.
Speaker 2:I don't think that's gonna work. I don't think that's going to work, not going to happen?
Speaker 1:I don't think that's happening.
Speaker 2:No, no, no. So the sleigh takes off Somehow. The only two people in this entire place where everybody has airplanes and snowmobiles and everything, just those two. Get on the. You got polar bears, you got everything. Nope, just these two. She knocks Cal one direction, she knocks Chris Evans to the front. He then climbs the ropes, yeah, he does.
Speaker 1:Did you ever watch Arrow? You never watched Arrow, right oh? The TV show about the green arrow with Stephen Amell no, I watched one episode. Yes he does this really cool pull up thing where it's got notches. So he does a pull-up and then leaps and gets up a notch and he climbs a ladder doing pull-ups. And that's exactly what this is, but just not as cool because he's going horizontal, whereas Stephen Amell goes vertical, and he really did that everybody.
Speaker 2:That's Ninja Warrior. Oh yeah, yeah, did that everybody. That's Ninja Warrior. Oh yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:Could have said Ninja Warrior too. Yeah, but it's cooler that Stephen.
Speaker 2:Amell, I don't think he made that up. I think Ninja Warrior made that up, he didn't make it up.
Speaker 1:I was just saying he did it and he looks really good doing it and you should watch that instead of watching Chris Evans do it horizontally, which isn't even hard.
Speaker 2:So he kicks the thing and releases the reindeers. The reindeers fly off and the thing crashes and the witch goes over the edge.
Speaker 1:Why would they just fly off? Do they not have brains? Wouldn't they just come back and kick the shit out of her?
Speaker 2:They do eventually.
Speaker 1:They do. After Santa calls them, he has to call them back.
Speaker 2:I'm going to ask you a question. Shanta shanta santa yells something that's exactly what I hear.
Speaker 1:What you just did is exactly what I hear every time you didn't have no idea.
Speaker 2:Three times in the movie he shouted something that's supposed to mean something we don't understand not to me doesn't mean nothing to me.
Speaker 1:I apologize if that's supposed to mean something we don't understand. Not to me Doesn't mean nothing to me. I apologize if that's offensive to anybody.
Speaker 2:but it means absolutely nothing to me. Wait, you have the captions on. Didn't it say in the captions what he said?
Speaker 1:I did not have the captions on Dan because she wasn't watching with me, I got to watch by myself. I had a full, clean screen. Oh, it was Christmas, come early.
Speaker 2:So the witch comes back she's a giant with tentacles and Jack's like. Cal's like run, jack, run. And Jack's like no, I'm gonna die here, cause Santa Claus is here yeah. He believes in Santa Claus.
Speaker 1:I mean that's great, but you're not superhuman. Everybody else in this movie is superhuman. Just get out, dude. Go save your kid.
Speaker 2:Hold on a second, let me think for a second. Okay, if I was writing this stupid movie, what would I do? Yeah, what would you do, tony?
Speaker 1:what would I do? I just told you what would he do he would go rescue his son.
Speaker 2:No, no, he'd run away. We'd think he was being a cow.
Speaker 1:Oh, and then he comes back and he saves the day. Yeah, I mean, that's fine that's what he's got.
Speaker 2:I'll allow it, Dan. You have to do that. That's what has to happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 2:That's storytelling. That's what has to happen. He can't be like I'm going to stand up and fight the witch with my fist. I'll punch you.
Speaker 1:I thought you were asking what I would do in this situation, which situation which is I would save my son because guess?
Speaker 2:what? Save spock? Save the universe. I'm saving spock. Every time he's my best friend, I would run and then save the universe and of course you would, of course I would sacrifice my kid for more powerful magic, so I could fight her just so you could fight and save the world.
Speaker 1:You know I'm saving billions of lives sorry, five to ten thousand based on the movie.
Speaker 2:But you know your youthful blood and soul will propel me forward Youthful blood.
Speaker 1:You're doing some sort of ritual with it. Now, it's witches, it's all true. Oh no, this poor guy.
Speaker 2:She tentacles them, she whacks cows, she whacks Jack. Santa wakes up, summons the reindeer. She falls into the globes.
Speaker 1:Oh Krampus shows up at some point. Yeah, he shows up. They have like a little hey.
Speaker 2:I'm good. Now You're a sexy woman. I want to have sex with you some more.
Speaker 1:She hits him and he's like just like the old days or something. It's all real weird, but I get it and I just want krampus to know I get it.
Speaker 2:Grandpa says this why you thought she was sexy with those tentacles?
Speaker 1:probably you're weird, no, no, I'm just saying, like you know, I get it?
Speaker 2:what about his boom shakalaka?
Speaker 1:I just don't understand some of the choices. I don't get it. And does he fly on some sort of hell-driven?
Speaker 2:sleigh. Is that his thing? I never heard that, but that's their thing.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's what I mean. I don't mean in this movie. I know this movie. I'm just saying in regular human Christmas lore is he on some sort of hell? Like why are there hellhounds there? Is he the devil?
Speaker 2:I just don't understand, Because that was a word they could use. You know, just like the Norad thing they're like hellhounds.
Speaker 1:You're absolutely right. Yeah, it's something we understand. Oh, a dog from hell. We get it, but I don't understand why Krampus has it, I don't know, and one of his guards will be a Medusa. All you want, guys?
Speaker 2:Don't even worry about it, it's a dude Medusa, dude, dusa that's what they call it. We just made up a thing. Well, you did the reindeer. Jack mocks her. Oh, she gets knocked into all the big pile of globes. There's kind of a nice scene where she's like and then Jack picks up the globe and then it's like you suck and you're in a globe. Santa has this moment where he fakes Krampus and we're like okay, super lackluster.
Speaker 1:They don't seem to like brother it up at all, which is interesting because he just kind of saved your life. I don't know.
Speaker 2:So now we get to do real Santa Claus. Santa Claus goes to deliver the presents. The presents come out of this tub and they're tiny and so Santa can carry a bunch of them, and then he parkours into the buildings and then goes big and little and little Santa and up Santa, down Santa. It goes big and little and little Santa and up Santa, down Santa. But there's also goblins and elves putting stuff out to help him or knocking out kids that might be awake or something.
Speaker 1:It's definitely that one.
Speaker 2:They're putting in some gas in the truck Gassing all the kids, oh, and Jack and his kid get to go along because Because why not? Because Jack saves the thing that he started all going wrong.
Speaker 1:Wouldn't they be cold. You know what I mean Is this sleigh covered in some sort of fancy heat and globe?
Speaker 2:Yes, I don't like any of this. Stan Cal sees Jack as a kid interacting with his kid, and then he gets back the love of kids Not that kind of love of kids, but the love of the spirit of kids. And then we see somebody says the important thing is to keep trying. And then Jack's like, didn't we just save Christmas?
Speaker 1:And I think the answer's not really it's not really they sort of saved Santa Claus. They saved Santa, they didn't really save Christmas. He doesn't seem to do as much as I would think Santa would be doing.
Speaker 2:They either saved half the population of the planet. I would think Santa would be doing. They either saved half the population of the planet or they saved the amount of people that is equivalent to the number of non-broken snow globes.
Speaker 1:Exactly yes, correct, yep Eh.
Speaker 2:Meh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean listen, I think, will kids enjoy it. Maybe, I don't know, hopefully Kids like Marvel movies and this feels kind of like a bad Marvel movie.
Speaker 2:Do kids like bad Marvel movies though?
Speaker 1:That's a great question. I actually don't know the answer.
Speaker 2:I feel like they probably do you should talk to a 12-year-old and see what they have to say about the entirety of the Marvel universe.
Speaker 1:I actually just did. What did they say? What did this kid say?
Speaker 2:I actually just did what did this kid say so.
Speaker 1:My nephew Colton, great dude, he first of all Dan loves Venom. He just saw the new Venom and he thinks it's great and. I didn't have the heart to and I thought about it and I was like it is very juvenile, like Venom. When we do it next week, I bet there's going to be a lot of stupid jokes that are stupid.
Speaker 2:But kids might enjoy it.
Speaker 1:Next week I bet there's gonna be a lot of stupid jokes that are stupid but kids might enjoy. They dude him and his nine-year-old brother.
Speaker 1:They have been doing the venom voice for the last 48 hours and I do it with him, you know, eddie, and they think it's hilarious, they love it. So I'm a hit because I've seen venom, but anyhow, and he, they love the m. They don't have the problems that we have with logic and stories not making any sense anymore and they don't care. It's fun, it's exciting. Did they make it through Marvels? That's my question. Like the Ms Marvel one? Well, there's a Ms.
Speaker 2:Marvel TV show, but there's the movie the Marvels one.
Speaker 1:Right, but the movie the Marvels and it's got all three of the ladies in it yeah, they saw it, they loved it. They actually liked the Singing Planet, which is my least favorite part of the movie.
Speaker 2:Well, there it is.
Speaker 1:And I was like, okay cool, my brother, their dad, my brother, they all watched it just last week at the Marvels. Okay, coolholes, because that's what we do that is what we do, that's who we are and it's what we love but you know these are movies and the critical response to movies is is always very different for sure.
Speaker 1:And I mean, like here's the thing, this, I mean this movie's not good, right, but I also don't hate it. And if a kid likes it I'm gonna be like, yeah, that's fine, but here's a better Christmas movie. Like there are movies that you'll enjoy more than this movie. But I can appreciate that you still have fun. And let me just say one thing real quickly about my nephew, is he?
Speaker 1:doesn't like DC movies and he doesn't. He watched the Superman show. It was like I just don't like Superman and too dark. What they love about the MCU is how fun and light and colorful and exciting it is oh.
Speaker 2:so he rightly realizes that Zack Snyder's garbage.
Speaker 1:Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, he did know, he knew the whole time. I mean it's pretty easy.
Speaker 2:Anybody intelligent should know that Wrong Erroneous.
Speaker 1:There are some redeeming qualities. I'm going to get get upset. I'm hopping mad first of all, the dark knight is good oh yeah you're a monster um, you are.
Speaker 2:We never finished the new batman movie.
Speaker 1:It was pretty good the batman yeah, I mean what's her name, it's Catwoman Great, she's wonderful. Amazing Robert Pattinson's. This is not his fault. I'm saying the character of Batman in the Batman is trash. He is an emo, little whiny piece of trash and I hate him and I hate all of the people that were like this is a good idea. And then when batman walks, he's so loud. He walks down a hallway that's dark and it's like ka-chunk, ka-chunk, what, what's? That's not batman? Batman's silent. Why does he walk so slow? All the time? He's walking through the crime scene and he's going in slow motion. This is a crime scene. I don't like this movie. I don't like it. It's beautiful.
Speaker 2:Let me just say that shot really we've never really gotten back to the neil adams batman of that one pose where he's like running in the capes like that. It's like yeah, we haven't, we still are, are in the midst of the know. Two and a half inch rubber suit.
Speaker 1:Yep, absolutely. Oh, I can't move my neck. I don't know what's going on here. Someday, someday, we'll figure it out.
Speaker 2:We could put Michelle Pfeiffer in like the tightest leather skin suit that everyone falls, you know, like. Why can't Batman get to do that? Why doesn't?
Speaker 1:Batman. It is weird that his is so clunky. It's so like, it's so thick. I don't know, it's weird I don't know um, maybe, uh, maybe james gunn.
Speaker 2:I'll get it right when he, when he finally casts jensen, ackles as batman, just putting that out in the universe one more time um, now we're talking about something we like this week Superman trailer, baby Dude, when Crypto, when you're like he's lying there and he's all like and we see something coming, I'm like what is that Snowmobile, what is that? And then it's Crypto. I screamed immediately oh you knew it was Crypto before you could even see him.
Speaker 1:You can ask Naomi. Yeah, we watched it together the other night and as soon as the pile of cloud when I was like, I got so excited. Dude, uh, this trailer. Sorry, this is your thing what a trailer.
Speaker 2:Fuck dude I mean I excuse me, I never watched the third guardians of galaxy just because I knew it was about animal cruelty and I don't watch it. Don't ever watch it, dan, you told me not to watch it, yep, and it's like, whatever positives are in there, I'm not going to go to dig them out because I couldn't take it 100%.
Speaker 1:If I would kill it's not worth it.
Speaker 2:I promise you it's not worth it. I don't want to cry and so and I was like this looks so terrible. You know it might have a good story, but it looks just so terrible. It's cute. It looks like they filmed it at the Disneyland Avengers Complex.
Speaker 1:On like an HD camera for $99 at Target.
Speaker 2:It felt like it was on an HD camera.
Speaker 1:It was so weird and I couldn't, I just couldn't take that.
Speaker 2:I was like I can't take this. So I was like and you know all the other, you know that weird promo photo of him sitting there and then world leaders out the window, or something. I was like what is this? I don't understand what this is. And then they put out this trailer and you're like, well, he knows what the fuck he's doing, at least what he's presenting to us here.
Speaker 1:It sure seems like it. Whoever cut the trailer I don't know if it was James, I don't know if it was someone else, whoever like dude, I got chills. And with the music they used, with the electric guitar doing the Superman.
Speaker 2:Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, I'm ready. And then what's her name is lois lane. You know they. I saw the casting of her. I love her. Marvelous miss mazel, you know, she's incredible. And then I see this and I'm just like, oh yeah, I'm in love with her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm, yeah, I'm available?
Speaker 2:yes, let me know, because she's, she just looks like she's, she just looks like lois lane and she looks competent. And you know, that's the thing is, when you, if you understand these characters and embody these characters, we can see it in a trailer a hundred percent.
Speaker 1:And here's I love amy adams. She's very, very talented. I never really felt lois lane vibes from. It was a different lois Lane for sure, for sure but like this feels very like traditional, I'm I'm very excited, I'm very excited about everything. I'm excited about that British dude as Lex Luther, whose name I am since forgetting for some reason H-O-U-L-T.
Speaker 2:I always forget how to say his name.
Speaker 1:Beast from X-Men First Class. You know, nicholas Holt, you did it. You did it, good job. And Nathan Fillion, as green lantern got Gardner.
Speaker 2:Gardner, gardner, whatever. Yeah, weird, he looks so weird, so weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm, I'm very hot girl.
Speaker 2:Metamorpho weird robot character. I'm very excited about this Hawkgirl metamorpho weird robot character. I'm just like what?
Speaker 1:Some sort of kaiju monster which I don't recognize from anything. But I don't care.
Speaker 2:It's going to be a scene where he's fighting some stuff.
Speaker 1:It's going to be cool.
Speaker 2:It's going to be cool man and you know what it is. It's shot in the daytime. The color saturation, it's just such a choice. It's such a choice and it feels like the right choice after the choices we've been getting.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's what it is right. It's just like we're going to do the exact opposite. We're going to give you light hope. I'm excited, that's all. I'm excited. July could not come soon enough. I ready.
Speaker 2:So I'm I'm all bored and I mean, and then you counter that with the super dark batman and you were like, yes, this is, this is what you're supposed to be doing are you watching creature commandos? Is it started yet? I didn't know it has started.
Speaker 1:We're four episodes in. Yeah, um, don't watch episode four, why I think? Uh, it's, it's guardians. Three vibes, there's it. It gives the spoilers. I won't spoil anything, but it gives a backstory to weasel oh god that is unnecessarily emotional. So, yeah, just something to watch out for, but other than that, you know it's pretty fun yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I hadn't watched it yet, but I planned on watching it.
Speaker 1:So I will, yeah, just be wary of episode four. I cried jesus christ so what else?
Speaker 2:what do you got for us else, tony uh?
Speaker 1:well, I'd you know a super similar note. I've been talking about finding mr christmas all season long, which is the hallmark reality tv show where they found the next hallmark star, the movie starring the winner of that. If you haven't watched it, I won't spoil it. The winner of that has dropped and we watched it and it is delightfully terrible. I love it so much. Um, it's just wonderful. It's just A wonderful Christmas. I love it. I hope they do this every year For the foreseeable future. I will watch Every single year?
Speaker 2:Is the dude going to get more work Because of being in it?
Speaker 1:Or not. I love him to death. He is so beautiful, he's so pretty. He can only do Hallmark movies or soap operas. I don't believe he'll ever get past that barrier. But I hope he surprises me. I really do, because he seems like a genuinely sweet guy and he's very sexy and he's, you know well new to it.
Speaker 2:He's maybe making, maybe he'll do those movies. Those movies are available I hope they do.
Speaker 1:I hope it's not like oh, we give you a movie and now you can gfy. I hope they give them something to keep doing because I I really enjoy watching him.
Speaker 2:He's not a great actor, but maybe he'll get there well, I guess that brings us to the end of our christmas or christmas extravaganza. Merry christmas everyone. Happy holidays, all that kind of stuff holidays, however you celebrate, uh, do celebration, and we're going to come back and do Venom at some point, eddie, and see the final one of those.
Speaker 1:It's going to be a great end of the trilogy. I don't know that.
Speaker 2:I remember anything about any of the other ones, but I do remember doing them.
Speaker 1:We did do them, yep, we definitely did them throughout the years. I have absolutely no idea. Did What's-Her-Name end up as Lady Venom in the last one Boy? I don't remember. Maybe I should do a rewatch over Christmas Break here, I think.
Speaker 2:well, she had something to do with the symbiote at some point in, I think the last one.
Speaker 1:I think you're absolutely right, yeah.
Speaker 2:If she's back, I mean she's wonderful. We'll see, Michelle.
Speaker 1:Williams is awesome, awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's it. If you like what you see, give us a like, a subscribe, or, you know, send in, send in your ideas, because some of those movies are going to get done.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Sorry. My, my parents dog is going crazy right now, if you can guess. So Dog trouble, all right. Well, we'd better get out of here then, dan. Okay, merry Christmas everybody. Goodbye everyone.
Speaker 2:Hey watch it With Dan and Tony.
Speaker 1:Hey, watch it With Dan and Tony. It's like watching hell.