Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Borderlands
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What's worse than a movie that doesn't live up to its trailer? This week on "Hey, Watchin' with Dan and Tony," we tackle the disappointment that is Eli Roth's "Borderlands." Despite the vibrant and promising trailer, the actual film left us yearning for something more fun and entertaining. We break down the forced performances from Jamie Lee Curtis and the actress portraying Tiny Tina, and can't help but express our regret over choosing this film. Spoiler: the stark contrast between expectation and reality is staggering.
Ever wondered how dynamite relates to the Nobel Prize, or laughed at the absurdity of an action sequence? We certainly did as we dissected a movie featuring a quirky, bomb-loving character and his baffling escape from a glass prison. From improbable loyalty born of shared fruit to inexplicable plot holes, we analyze the quirky logistics and historical tidbits about dynamite with equal parts humor and critique. The action sequences might leave your head spinning, but our take on them will leave you chuckling.
From illogical character decisions to robots with 36-year waits, we review some of the most perplexing plot holes and scenes in recent memory. We discuss the bizarre choices made by characters, the robot's odd behavior, and humorous moments like a robot scanning while singing. Moving on, we share nostalgic anecdotes, compare big-budget films, and give our latest TV recommendations, including a Halloween pick to get you into the spooky spirit. All this and more, so tune in and enjoy the ride with Dan and Tony!
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Movie Review
Speaker 1You want to do the show all by yourself, dan? That's fine. That's fine, I don't need to show up.
Speaker 2That's what the people would like.
Speaker 1We'll get a little puppet and you can just do it with you and a puppet.
Speaker 2Hey, tony Puppet. Ah, hey, watchin' with Dan and Tony.
Speaker 1Hey watchin' with Dan and Tony.
Speaker 2It's like watchin' now. Welcome to hey. Watchin' with Dan and Tony. I'm Dan, I'm Tony. This is the show that dares to watch the latest movies almost right after they came out, within months of them coming out, if not weeks.
Speaker 1Those are two very different things. Almost right when they come out within months of coming out, that's a pretty big window.
Speaker 2No, I mean if you look at it from like you know, like a you know time of the dinosaurs, you know.
Speaker 1Sure.
Speaker 2Length of humanity existing 65 billion years. I mean, as humans, we think that it matters Time, but you know, time means nothing. Time doesn't care. So we watch a movie and then we talk about the movie and one of us picks the movie, and in this case, the person that picked the movie was Tony, and Tony made a good choice. I did it, Did I.
Speaker 1I don't know. I regret it a little bit. Why, Dan? How many notes do you think I took?
Speaker 2Less than me, it I why, dan how many notes do you think I took less than just three?
Speaker 1I took three notes total and then a fourth note. That said, and I quote, I took three notes.
Speaker 2This movie was boring and that's the fourth note I only did three pages on this movie and, I believe, the last I did a little more than three pages okay, three pages and four lines. I think that last movie we did, whatever it was five or six pages.
Speaker 1What did we do last time? It was your choice and you picked a Halloween-adjacent movie. You said Ghost Rider. Ghost Rider yeah, it was Ghost Rider probably. Yeah, ghost Rider. Ghost Rider was great. Now that's a good movie, I mean it was great. Now that's a good movie, your bonehead. I said it all week I mean it goes right.
Speaker 1Did have jokes? It sure did. This movie, um, it tried, tried a couple jokes. What movie is it, tony? Oh sorry, yeah, this is uh. This is eli roth's new, uh new banger. It's calledlands, based on a video game series. Well, sort of it's based on the IP of the video game series. It's not really about the video game.
Speaker 2I saw this trailer for this movie and I was like, okay, I'm in. I might even go to the theaters for this movie. Are you glad you didn't, ooh, dodged a bullet. I kept reading all the reviews and I'm like is it really going to be that bad? It is, oh yeah, turns out it is.
Speaker 1Here's why you saw the trailer and you liked it right. It's very colorful, it's got a very vibe Like. It has a vibe visually that doesn't match the vibe of the actual movie, in my opinion, and it looked like it could be some crazy fun, and it's just not. It's not fun. There's zero fun. Nobody's having fun in the movie. No, I'm not having fun watching the movie. No, it's bleak. It's pretty bleak.
Speaker 2As we were talking about before, the show is sometimes you want to see people play characters Sometimes. Sometimes people play characters and someone should have been standing there and go no, no, don't do that. No, no, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 1Let's go back to one. Let's try it again, differently, completely different place.
Speaker 2Okay, you see how they're doing a character. They shouldn't be doing it, and neither should you.
Speaker 1Yes, everyone, just stop. Jamie Lee Curtisis worst character ever. Um, I don't know what she's, what she's doing, but to be fair, though, I said that about a couple of people in this movie I don't know what you're doing what's her name playing?
Speaker 2tina, you're like no, no.
Speaker 1No, yeah, so she was the kid in 65, right, this tiny Tina? Oh yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, she was in Love and Monsters. She was. What's his name?
Speaker 1That movie's so good.
Speaker 2What's his name's little companion, and they were traveling together.
Speaker 1Oh, okay. And she's so good in that she's so good in that.
Speaker 2I'm just like how are you going to? You know that she's so good in that. I'm just like how are you gonna? You know she's good actress, funny, good energy, and you're just like you're having her play this blah, blah, blah blah character. That's supposed to be the character you care about.
Speaker 1You're like oh, yeah, and it's it. It doesn't. It rings false, you know what I mean. Like it feels like she's playing a character, which is also how it feels with Jamie Lee Curtis. So I guess what I'm saying is I don't blame her for it, because you have Jamie Lee Curtis, a wonderful actor for 100 years give or take, and she looks like you know. You go to a local theater and watch someone trying to put on a character. That's what that felt like, so it can't be her fault. And then even what's her name? The theater and watch someone trying to put on a character. That's what that felt like. So it's not, it can't be her fault and and then even uh, what's your name?
Speaker 2the lead you're just like oh, so what's interesting?
Speaker 1dan is I? Did you read reviews? I love to read reviews before I did not on this show. I read some reviews.
Speaker 2I read some basic ideas of what know. There are people just saying this doesn't work.
Speaker 1Oh sure, Critic reviews A lot of them were this movie's terrible, but Cate Blanchett doing her best and I just felt very differently. I hated her. I just genuinely was like this doesn't work for me on any level. The only person that I didn't hate was Kevin Hart, and that's because Kevin Hart is playing Kevin Hart.
Speaker 2Was he in the movie?
Speaker 1Yes, he's the soldier.
Speaker 2Was he in the movie? He's in the beginning.
Speaker 1He's in the first scene and I was like, okay, maybe this movie won't be bad. And then it was my favorite scene in the movie.
Speaker 2First of all, they don't give Kevin any jokes.
Speaker 1Well, no, no, that is correct. Well, they give him one joke, they give him one joke. It's right at the beginning with Tiny. Tina, oh it's about him being short or something. Yeah, him being short, uh, teen, tiny, is like, oh, he sent his shortest soldier and he's like, yeah, for his least funny daughter. And I was like, okay, you know jokes, we got a joke joke and then it all fell apart. I thought that that was the beginning, I thought that was the launching point and we were just gonna get better.
Speaker 2And then we, we got worse this movie, kate blanchett's character lily just once again we have another character that doesn't want to be there the, the character doesn't want to be there.
Speaker 1Kate blanchett doesn't seem to want to be there. Um, I don't want to be there.
Speaker 2I mean, basically the movie is Kevin Hart's character breaks out Tina and takes her to the planet. Don't know why he takes her to the planet. You think he'd take her to someplace other than the planet.
Speaker 1I don't know.
Speaker 2So that they can live there, I don't know. And then Cate Blanchett's bounty hunter person Lilith, goes in search of them, finds them, and then we end up with this little band of people that spends their time trying to find this vault which everyone is searching for, which is supposed to be, full of all the weapons of the universe which you can destroy the universe with, and it might be the kid that gets you in the vault. It might be Cate Blanchett's character. We immediately know it's going to be Cate Blanchett's character.
Speaker 1Sure.
Speaker 2And then at the end she gets magic powers and then can also open the vault.
Speaker 1Yeah, all right, great episode. If you like what we do here, like and subscribe. That's the movie.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's a bad movie. Here's my biggest problem. I mean, I have lots of problems, but I think my biggest problem is the collective. The group never comes together. I feel like they're supposed to be like a guardians of the galaxy vibe, where they're like people that don't necessarily like each other at the top but they grow to love each other as a family. You know what I mean, like that sort of vibe and we just stick in the. I don't like you kind of like the whole movie until the, the final twist, where kate blanchett is like oh, never mind, I'll save you all.
Speaker 2And there's a robot playing a robot. I enjoyed the robot.
Speaker 1The whole time? Yeah, pretty much. I enjoyed the robot for about two minutes. It was pretty much over the whole thing.
Speaker 2I was fine with the robot, because the robot was the only one who felt like he was trying to keep them as a group. Sure, yeah sure. The robot was the motivating character in a sense.
Speaker 1In a sense, but it doesn't make any sense. You know what I'm saying? Because that character has nothing to do with anything. He's just there to help Kate Planchette. That's it.
Speaker 2Yeah, Yep, yep yep, yep has nothing to do with anything. He's just there to help Kate Planchette. That's it. Yep, yep.
Speaker 1Yep, yep, yep. I don't know man, this movie is not good, this is a bad movie.
Speaker 2Yeah, so you never felt like there was a. They came together as a team, they had a mission, they really wanted something, because once again it's you know it and it's like you open the vault and then you get all these weapons and then it's going to cause peace. You're like how does that?
Speaker 1work. What are you saying to me?
Speaker 2And actually they opened the vault, which is the prophecy, and it didn't cause peace in the area.
Speaker 1Well, in their defense, the vault was just full of Rubik's Cubes from. Agatel and an octopus, so I'm not really sure, how that does anything.
Speaker 2No, the bad guy looked at all the cubes and he's all like, oh, I have all this cube power.
Speaker 1Right, and I don't know what any of that means, and they didn't tell me what it means, so I was just like I think this guy's crazy.
Speaker 2It really should have been a bunch of guns, right, it should have been a bunch of guns.
Speaker 1Right, it should have been anything, Anything tangible that I could be like. Oh okay, I see this is cool. Thank God we came into the vault at some point in this movie, we really paid off the entire film. Instead, I was like this is what everyone's trying to get into. Why, what's going on and why is there an octopus monster in it?
Speaker 2dan, I don't get it how did she know there was an octopus monster in there? I don't know. You know at least when you're watching, like the terrible aquaman movie, you're like oh there's a reason why there's a giant octopus at the end of the situation sure, yeah makes sense. We're in the sea, under the sea uh, what else did I have to say about this movie? Um?
Speaker 1I don't know you want to talk about how much you loved the bad guy I didn't understand the bad guy sure, yeah, that makes perfect sense, yeah is he like an actor?
Speaker 1I have no idea. I don't know who he is, maybe I do and I just didn't care. I don't know. He was like one of the only people. I didn't stop and look up. Oh, there it is, I don't know. And the guy that plays creek, he was okay. Is that the the crazy or whatever they call him? Yeah, oh, oh, that's what I go the psycho.
Speaker 2So they have this idea. They're like OK, the plan will be they're going to find this vault and then they're going to find the vault, and then that'll be the end of the movie.
Speaker 1You're like.
Speaker 2OK, that makes sense. We have the misdirection which you think the girl is, the way to get into the vault. But it's really Cate Blanchett which they tip halfway through the movie by having her find, like a magic key, that gets you in there immediately.
Speaker 1And everyone's like how did you do it? How, oh, that's impossible.
Speaker 2No, no one does that.
Speaker 1No, somebody did and she goes, I don't know. Just lucky. I guess that's exactly what she said.
Speaker 2I embellished what they said, see, but they, they drop it instantly instead of going like well, I guess that means something which is what we would be standing there, we'd be like if you can find that, then that kind of means something. Oh, so my point was this movie just takes a bunch of bits from other movies and then redoes them so badly.
Speaker 1And that's the best way to make a movie. It's just recycle old bits but do them worse. I think we have a real future in that, dan.
Speaker 2This reminds me of this, and that was a great movie. Now I'm not thinking about the movie.
Speaker 2I'm watching, I'm thinking about the great movie that works perfectly Every time. Oh my God, Okay, we're going to start this movie. Boom. What do we start with? A big monologue of information thrown down our throats. I like it. The Uridians ruled the galaxy. Fragments of their texts are what the humans got to understand. There's a planet called Pandora, where there's a vault, and everybody goes there to try and find the vault and it's hidden. And there's a prophecy. The prophecy is that the daughter of Eurydia will restore the balance.
Speaker 1Yeah, there's just one daughter. I was actually kind of confused, so they were wiped out right, the Eurydians, they died. Who knows? Okay, we don't really know.
Speaker 2No, not really.
Speaker 1Okay, because you know it's a weird prophecy. How long have they been gone? Is there still a bloodline carrying on. You know I have a lot of questions to be honest with you, but it's fine, nobody cares.
Speaker 2We don't know any of those things. Boom, there's an explosion. Here comes Kevin Hart's character. What's his name? Soldier, soldier, soldier, soldier Boy. He's here to rescue Tina, who is supposedly, like a genetic construct, daughter of the bad guy.
Speaker 1Atlas.
Speaker 2But also she's also a Uridian. I mean, I don't think he even cares, he just wants to rescue. Why does he even want to rescue her? I mean, I don't think he even cares, he just wants to rescue. Why does he?
Speaker 1even want to rescue her. Well, he was sent by the dad because he worked for his army at one point. I think it was one of the Red Storm troopers.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah, because he comes in with the helmet oh, that's another joke too. And he's like oh, this is a bad helmet, there's no air holes or something. You know, you know something jokey. But I think maybe he just changes his mind once he meets tina, because he's like oh, your dad is using you to end the world, or something so he has no motivation that we know of right, yeah, sorry, okay.
Speaker 2So that's the short answer we're're starting character A no motivation, tina, the person he's rescuing no motivation.
Speaker 1Right, she's just having a good time, you know, living her life.
Speaker 2She has the ability to make bombs and throw bombs.
Speaker 1She must make them. I don't know what she makes them from, but she's like made them in prison, Is that?
Speaker 2how is that possible, I don't know. And then, when she gets out. She just, it's just generating bombs.
Speaker 1She just generates bombs, yeah all over, all over the place. I have all these bombs laying around.
Speaker 2It's great, what a fun thing to have you know, but they're kind of also bombs that don't really kill people.
Speaker 1They kill a couple of people.
Speaker 2Yeah, the bright, people, people, yeah, the bright people.
Speaker 1Yeah, the bad soldiers at one point.
Speaker 2She sets off a thing of TNT, probably about eight inches in diameter, 12 inches long, doesn't kill.
Speaker 1Now if I were a miner, er, and how much do I have to do to blow up the next section of a mine? You know what I mean? I don't know anything about dynamite.
Speaker 2Well, I'm going to tell you something about dynamite. What you do with dynamite, is you take a drill right? You drill a hole into the rock right.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Then you slide the dynamite into the hole and then when the dynamite goes, see, like when dynamite explodes it doesn't do a lot, when it's just sitting there it's like pfft, okay, but if it's in this thing it goes pfft. And then that causes crack, crack, crack, crack, crack.
Speaker 1I get it. Yeah, the only dynamite I know is from Lost, and that just kills people as they carry it.
Speaker 2Because it's corrosive. And why no? It's a cardboard tube that has sawdust in it, and then you pour nitroglycerin in there.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Nitroglycerin is what explodes. A piece of dynamite is just a vessel to contain nitroglycerin, which then put a blasting cap in it, which then can cause it to ignite.
Speaker 1Right Sure.
Speaker 2By putting electricity through it. And then kaboom, it excites the nitroglycerin, which causes the explosion.
Speaker 1Interesting. I wish I had like graphic skills. We'd put up a little explainer video for that whole thing there, dan, that was nice, and that's why we have the Nobel Prize. Someone got a Nobel Prize for that the guy that invented dynamite, Alfred Nobel.
Speaker 2He made the Nobel Prizes.
Speaker 1Oh wow, Did he give it to himself for making dynamite? Because that would be funny.
Speaker 2No, well, wouldn't have been funny. Okay, let's see. I wrote mask guy knocked out lady.
Speaker 1bad krig, let's get out well, first of all, let's just talk real quickly about krig. Yeah, who is in prison? Supposedly? Oh yeah, he was in prison, yes, but then it's a glass prison and he just breaks through the door.
Speaker 2I think so. Maybe Tina blows up the door.
Speaker 1No, no he just runs through the door, yeah, like if that's the prison all the time, why is he in prison? He could break out at any time. It's a glass door. In fact, any one of those people could have broken out of that, of that door. I don't understand.
Speaker 2that's not a prison yeah, I think, I think you're over complicating things, tony I think that they under complicated things.
Speaker 1They made the guy run through the glass that was holding him prisoner.
Speaker 2I don't know you should have made it just a field and then you should have had it like the field go down.
Speaker 1Great Love, that, yeah, pretty easy to do. But no, I mean, this is future-y.
Speaker 2So Kree gets out. He decides that he's Tina's protector. For unknowable reasons, yeah, I guess they're friends I don't know, maybe she gave him food at one point Probably they were at the dining hall and she gave him grapes or something that's what I think.
Speaker 1Thanks for the backstory. That's a great backstory.
Speaker 2Grapes, grapes are going to win them over? I think so. Are you kidding me? You know when you're in prison and people give you fresh fruit like when you go and are off doing things. What do you crave when you come back to civilization? You crave pizza, fresh fruit, cool soft drinks.
Speaker 1I will tell you right now I have never craved two of those things in my entire life Pizza for sure. There it is. I have never craved fruit Cool fruit, hot fruit, I don't care what kind of fruit I've never craved fruit in my life.
Speaker 2Have you ever gone on an extended hike? For a week and a half.
Speaker 1A week and a half, no, but I've done a couple hours.
Speaker 2No, that's not when you leave and you're eating MREs and you're eating food in a bag and all that, oh yeah, so good.
Speaker 1The oatmeal oh yeah, when you come back to reality.
Speaker 2what you want is you want hot fast food, you want a cool, cool drink.
Speaker 1You want fruit. You want fruit. See two of those three things are great. I will never want fruit. I mean I like a banana and I do like red grapes. I don't like green grapes, but I like red grapes.
Speaker 2Oh, there it is To Krieg and Tony is conquered, so maybe she gave him a Snickers bar.
Speaker 1There you go See now you're talking my language. A little sugar, a little nougat, yeah, some nuts, some protein. This is great.
Speaker 2Tony's love language. Okay. So there's like lots of shooting. Hundreds of people shoot Kevin Hart, only one that can ever hit anyone. He's just like kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. Kill.
Speaker 1And it's PG-13, so you don't actually know that he's hitting anybody. They just fall over, which is a little weird.
Speaker 2And the fight choreography on this movie no, Pretty much nonexistent.
Speaker 1Like choreography is a strong word for it, I would say.
Speaker 2And we've talked about. You have to make it so you understand what the fights are. You have to make it so you understand what the fights are. You have to make it so it feels like, oh, I have to move out of the way so I don't get shot and I'm going to lean over here. You know, you go back and you watch La Passant's the Professional and like every person he kills in that movie, they made a mistake or he was doing it better.
Speaker 1Yeah, you don't even have to go that far back, Dan. You just go back to the latest Keanu Reeves joint, and they do a good job.
Speaker 2And that movie smartly knows how to subtract this thing. Everyone has guns that are always shooting, in every direction, just limitless.
Speaker 1I don't understand it. Cate Blanchett's gun spins. Where does it get bullets? It just spins and spins and keeps firing.
Speaker 2I'm very confused there's never a movie like this in the world that you would make. Where you have infinite ammo, you have to run out. Let me ask you something about video games. Tony, do you play video games? I do play video games is. One of the primary thing you have to constantly do in video games is find more bullets depends on the video game but I'm going to tell you specifically.
Speaker 1The entire point of borderlands is getting newer and better guns. It's a looter shooter like. The whole point is to kill people, collect their gear and upgrade your weapons, which they don't do at all. This, that is non-existent in this entire movie. That is the core mechanic of the game. Very weird, it's a weird choice.
Speaker 2And what does that? See that immediately, if you were to play one of these video games and you're like I'm the idiot that has to sit down and write Borderlands, you're going to say to yourself oh, everything in this game is about managing your equipment, getting more equipment and the hardship that comes with that thing. You don't waste bullets, you don't waste bombs, you have to get bombs, and that's the thing is like Tina just always has bombs. Oh, I have bombs, here's bombs, here's bombs. And it's like we don't care. If you have everything you need like that, we don't care about you doing anything with it.
Speaker 1Well, sure yeah.
Speaker 2Here's bombs yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2If you fight for that bomb and she's all like I'm down to three smoke bombs and a bomb that you know makes your eyes explode, you're like, oh, I can't wait till she does the eyes explode bomb.
Speaker 1I think that's a great bomb idea. I don't know how that works, Stan, but I'm in Exploding eyeballs Very cool.
Speaker 2Yes. So, you know, managing resources is how you make us care about your characters.
Speaker 1Sure yeah.
Speaker 2And we don't care about any of these characters, because they all have infinite resources.
Speaker 1I do not care about these characters. That is correct. I gave it a thought. I gave it a thought and came up with the answer.
Speaker 2So we're on another planet. Promethea Lilith is coming in. She's bringing in a bounty. She takes him to a bar. There's a super hot girl bartending I'm getting too old for this shit. The people that are going to try to hire her come up there. She punches one guy in the nose and she kills a couple guys and she doesn't kill that nose guy, but we thought she killed the nose guy. And then another guy comes up and she shoots that guy and it turns out that that guy was just wearing a video face of the guy who wants to hire her. He wants to hire her to go to the planet to find Tina.
Speaker 1Yeah, he wants to hire her to go to the planet to find Tina. Yeah, this is a bad scene, dan.
Speaker 2It's really bad. And how do they convince her to go, Tony?
Speaker 1Money, so much money, so why?
Speaker 2does she need that money?
Speaker 1Yeah, like I don't. So she's a bounty hunter, right, and she continually tells us that she's like a high-class bounty hunter.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Which means she must be getting good money right. And how much did she get for the guy in the bar? We don't know which. I guess she didn't even turn him in then, because she ended up just leaving that guy there dead at the bar. Right, mm-hmm it's really dumb.
Speaker 2She was all like I'll do your job, maybe after I take this guy in, and then they're like, oh, that guy's dead or alive, and so they shoot him. So he's dead now and it's like, well, that doesn't mean she collects the bounty on him because there's a dead body lying in a bar the body back to them to collect the reward.
Speaker 1I don't know, I don't make any sense. Um, also like this, the weird face video screen thing.
Speaker 2What a what a strange choice that that whole thing is that didn't bother me, that that was at least like oh, okay, I, I don't see this all the time in movies no, you don't, because it's dumb.
Speaker 1You know like other people have thought about it and they're like, well, hold on, that's a stupid idea. I'm not gonna put that in my movie. And then these people did put it in the movie he gives her a magic pager.
Speaker 2Click the pager when you have found tina.
Speaker 1Okay sure, yeah, like it's obviously a homing beacon, what like? I don't, I guess I don't understand. She seems surprised later that they were tracking her the whole time right like, but that's he almost tells you that's what it's for. Yeah, very confusing I don't know.
Speaker 2I mean, yeah, if that thing has enough signal to to bounce up to a satellite, then yeah you know, then she will automatically know that he's tracking her.
Speaker 1She would know that instantly if she's that much of a badass, yeah, which you know she's supposed to be. She's not, but she's supposed to be she. She's not, but she's supposed to be.
Speaker 2She is not Okay. Boom Pod drops around Pandora, she does some more voiceover. There's some scavenger kids there and she says to the kids hey, kids, have you seen this girl? They're all like point north. And then she gets on this bus with this guy that we see a couple of times during the show.
Speaker 1Yeah, great recurring jokes. I don no, yeah, I don't understand jokes. I don't understand this guy at all. I don't understand anything about him. I'm gonna assume it's from one of the games. I have no idea. Okay, let me just be very clear. I mean, I have played them, but I'm not. I'm not a borderlands guy, but I've dabbled, you know. Uh, I don't remember that, but I'm just hoping that's what it is. It's super weird. The whole point of the bus ride is like oh, I can only drive vault hunters, so you must be a vault hunter. And she's like I'm not a vault hunter. And then he keeps playing vault related things. I don't know, man, I don't get it.
Speaker 2Here's where I'm going to teach you how this is a terrible movie You're going to teach.
Speaker 1You're going to learn me things Teach you.
Speaker 2I love it, pay attention.
Speaker 1All right, hold on. Let me get my note board out of here.
Speaker 2This is what you're going to take notes on. You only took three notes on this movie, three plus one.
Speaker 1Well, four notes, including the note that says I only took three notes.
Speaker 2A note about taking notes. That doesn't really count as a note.
Speaker 1That doesn't count as a note.
Baffling Movie Plot Holes
Speaker 2Shit. That's more for how you live your life. The dude won't let her get in the bus that's empty of people.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Unless she throws the bag on top. She throws her bag on top. Then when she gets out he starts driving away and you're like wait her bag's on the top.
Speaker 1What about the bag?
Speaker 2The thing's all the way down the road and it hits a bump and the bag flies out.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's a funny joke, is it a joke?
Speaker 2I don't understand any. This is the of all the things in this movie. This is the thing I don't understand, like what is the decision making process? She's a badass, that's her bag.
Speaker 1She needs to have that she wouldn't have forgot she would have started shooting at him.
Speaker 2Yeah, there's. There's a thousand scenarios you could run as to, but they've chosen the one where she's standing there and hasn't dealt with her bag and fate deals with her bag. I don't understand anything about that. It doesn't make any sense to me. Explain it to me, tony.
Speaker 1You were supposed to explain something to me. What am I even going to take notes on from what you just said? How confused I was. Dan doesn't understand.
Speaker 2Yeah, I wrote, her bag just falls off.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2This is what's wrong with the movie.
Speaker 1This is all right. Well, there you go.
Speaker 2Sums it up nicely, okay what's the name of the robot? Tony?
Speaker 1Jack Claptrap, nope Claptrap, no, you know what? I think I could have come up with that if I thought about it. You might have, I don't think so.
Speaker 2So she's standing there and this robot comes to life under this pile of filth and then he does a bunch of jokes and he's all like I'm the robot that was put here 36 years ago waiting for you. And you know, if somebody said to me, dang it, so somebody put a robot somewhere for 36 years ago and I'm like okay, I'm 59, so that means it would have been when I was 23, 23.
Speaker 2So then I would think, like where was I when I was 23? Which is what she would be doing, because then she would be like that's the exact time that I was separated from my mother, which of course it can't. No, because there's no way that that amount of time well, 36 years?
Speaker 1No, doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2Maybe she's 59. She could be 59 like me. No, she was separated when she was like 9.
Speaker 1Yeah, she was a kid. She's like 45 years old. That could be, which is no. I don't believe it.
Speaker 2But whatever, let's assume that the dates are correct. She would remember like you've been here since I was nine, and then she'd be like this Nine. Nine was when I got removed from the planet.
Speaker 1Did my mom leave you here?
Speaker 2You would figure that out instantaneously that you're the one causing a robot to come to life and work for you like a slave.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's weird because she gives, she doesn't even give it a second thought. Right, she comes back to her home planet after 30 years and there's a robot that's like I've been waiting for you and she's like all right, whatever, I don't give a shit, I don't think so. That would be. That would be a mystery you would unravel pretty quickly.
Speaker 1But okay, I'm just gonna ignore this and let you just follow along behind me if you could just not be with me because I don't like you, that would be great, so stupid here's my favorite part of the movie oh, wow okay, she's like you're.
Speaker 1You're hooked into echo net, which is basically just like uh some sort of um cameras everywhere you know, like a, like a I was I was trying to think of what they, what do they call that in london? Yeah, the s the closed circuits cctv cctv. That's what it is yeah, man, that joke would have landed really well if I knew that right off the bat, if you'd have taken a note about it, you'd have been in good shape damn you fourth note.
Speaker 2So then he starts scanning, but as he's scanning, he sings the scanning which is my favorite.
Speaker 1I you're right. It was very, very funny scanning, scanning, scanning scanning, scanning, scanning, I'm scanning, I'm scanning scanning, scanning, and he does that a couple times and it's good it's very fun.
Speaker 2You're just like oh, this is charming yeah, if only everybody else.
Speaker 1And the problem is, is that jack did all that later, right probably? Oh yeah a lot of that was just done in post, I assume where jack was like man, this movie's pretty boring.
Speaker 2I better spice it up a little and I think, I think he's really trying hard with the voice right.
Speaker 1He's like okay, let me get this.
Speaker 2Okay, we did something, something happened there.
Speaker 1Yeah, he also has my favorite joke in the movie too, which we'll get to a little bit later.
Speaker 2So they figure out where they're going to go. They need wheels. She shoots a psycho. They steal a car. She frees some children who are caged and the robot's like why did you free those children? And you're like, why would you not free those? I mean, it's not like.
Speaker 1Yeah, well, I think, because his point of it, from the robot's character, he thinks she's a terrible person. Oh, okay, and that's why he asked why she did it. Because she's a terrible person and that doesn't make sense, I guess. But I don't know why the movie is doing that.
Speaker 2Yeah, why is the movie pointing that out to us? We know that she's not set up as a monster, she's just set up as a person. That's fairly indifferent.
Speaker 1Right right, does everything for money and has no real motivation.
Speaker 2yeah, it's like when she walked up to the kids at the beginning of the movie, she didn't shoot one of them and then say, hey, rescue kids. You better answer my questions or I'll shoot all of you which would have been funny she would have been funny that would have been setting up a camera been like holy shit.
Speaker 1She shot a child right out the gate.
Speaker 2That's going to take some redeeming. You know you got to go there sometimes, amen. You know George Lucas killed all the Jedi kids because he thought that would be funny.
Speaker 1Yeah, he did off screen though mostly. Oh, I guess in the prequels they kind of do it.
Speaker 2Kill all the younglings.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2I remember sitting in the theater or whenever I first watched movie and I was like what is happening? Do we really need to kill the younglings, do we? I mean I.
Speaker 1We need 30 minutes of it, dan, that's what we need.
Speaker 2I must admit I was laughing while they were killing the younglings.
Speaker 1Well, yeah, yeah, you're not supposed to be, though, because it was absurd, we're supposed to care, I didn't care yeah. Good old Hayden Christensen, love that guy.
Speaker 2They're driving. There's dragons on the planet. They show a dragon.
Speaker 1Yeah, I guess we don't really deal with that, but it's cool.
Speaker 2Never again. Yeah, welcome to the world. They go to a construction zone. She opens the door. She's gone straight to where they're living. I guess they're living in this construction zone. There's Tina, she appears. She's like where's the soldier? She's like, oh, he's outside or something, and then she leaves. No, she said he left me.
Speaker 1Oh, he left, she lied about it. She's a big liar.
Speaker 2Cape about it. She's a big liar, cape blanchett open, looks under the bed giant bomb. And then tina starts running away and she's all like I wonder why she's running away where there's a giant bomb under the. What the hell? I don't know why. Why are you showing that you know tina should run away? Then she lifts up and sees a giant bomb, is like like ah.
Speaker 1Well, here's what's going to really mess. That's not the bomb that actually blows up Dan, it isn't no. So she sees the bomb under the bed and is like, wow, that's weird. And then Tina goes throw me my badonkadonk, which is some of the worst dialogue you could ever think of. So she grabs the bunny and then looks at the bunny and the bunny is a bomb, and that's when tina runs away. So there's two different bombs and the first bomb didn't clue her in and then she got blowed up by the second bomb but she didn't get blowed up by the second bomb.
Speaker 2It just went off because that's true, she'd run to safety from the ball.
Speaker 1Yeah, you're right about that. I don't know how that works out, but great work Really fast.
Character Choices in Movie Reviews
Speaker 2Tina calls Krieg. I wrote Lillis dash terrible accent. This was the point at which her talking started to bother me.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, that's interesting that it took that long, because if I was writing more notes on the movie that would have been like word two from her from me. I did not like If I was writing more notes on the movie, that would have been like word two from her from me Got it. I did not like the choices made.
Speaker 2This was the point at which I was like oh yeah, this is grating on me, okay. There's like a bad lady shows up in like a hover bike, yeah, and then she's all like and I've got lots of people with me and so lots of people show up way behind her it's like this brand new joke we've never heard before which is you and what army?
Speaker 1and then she goes oh, the army behind me. You know, it's a, it's a twist on, you know, when someone comes alone and they're like, oh yeah you, yeah you and what army? Because they don't have an army. And this time she does have an army, which we've never seen before.
Speaker 2And you know what? It doesn't matter that she has an army, because they're useless Also that You're absolutely right. So bombs happen and then they're on this giant junk pile and then it starts collapsing, all while Deadpool on the helicarrier And'm like I wonder where they got that idea.
Speaker 1They didn't have the money To do it correctly, though.
Speaker 2It's unfortunate. Then we have a giant car chase A la Mad Max.
Speaker 1Fury Road. Never seen it, wouldn't know. It's a movie that I refuse to watch, dan, because everybody loved it. They all loved it so much and I was like you know what, I'm not gonna see that movie. This is a true story. I don't have a real reason, other than it annoys me that everyone likes it so much and I just I have no interest in seeing the movie well, you should watch furiosa, because everybody hated it I know I didn't.
Speaker 1I actually had that thought and I was like I guess we could just start with this one and see what happens.
Speaker 2But you know, I feel like that would be disingenuous furiosa not a good movie, but chris you gotta watch, because if chris hemsworthemsworth, he does look unhinged in the trailer.
Speaker 1He's completely unhinged.
Speaker 2He plays just the weirdest character ever.
Speaker 1Weird like Jamie Lee Curtis in Borderlands weird or like good, weird, good, weird. Okay, all right, then I'm on board.
Speaker 2So I liked it as a movie, but it's not a good movie. Yeah, I get that. I mean after you. So I I I liked it as a movie, but it's not a good movie.
Speaker 1You're not you know, I get that yeah.
Speaker 2I mean, after you watch it you go back and you rewatch fury road and you're like, oh yeah, fury road, perfect movie. And then you watch, you watch, you watch Furiosa and you're like, well, good, yeah, they did some stuff. You know that's sometimes that's all you can ask for, okay.
Speaker 2so then they, they drive through the desert, urine shoots through the window, then tentacles, and they drive through the monster and they that makes it so they escape because they they drive into the monster's head and kill it and then, since they shoot it with like rockets, so they somehow go out the back of the timing doesn't work of it, right Cause here's, here's the timing of it.
Speaker 1They fire the rockets, he closes his mouth and they're sitting on his tongue as far as I can tell. And then magically they shoot out the back the timing should have been like fire, fire, fire, hole, hole straight through. But the way they edited it, it feels like there's a gap in between. Doesn't matter, but yeah, they blow a hole in the back of the head. It's a waste of a really cool giant monster, yep.
Speaker 2And it's even a bigger waste because the bad guys are chasing them and then the bad guys just stop.
Speaker 1Yeah, they just stop. They're like, wow, they killed a monster, we should stay back here.
Speaker 2Nope, this is one of the reoccurring jokes is that the whole planet looks like the Star Trek rocks. You know those rocks? That's the whole thing. That's a joke. Somebody's like I'm going to do this clever joke and use this motif everywhere on the planet and people, every time they see it, they'll be like where's the Gorn? We were at WonderCon years ago and the guy that played the Gorn do you the gorn is uh, I mean no, if I'm just gonna be honest with you, not really the gorn was like this big lizard guy in the original star trek, and then kirk has like in the lizard suit.
Speaker 1Yo, no, okay, then I do know who that is.
Speaker 2Yeah, okay yeah, the guy that played the gorn was set up at the show with his autobiography explaining, you know, his whole life and how he, you know, was on one episode of Star Trek.
Speaker 1I would read that book. I love depressing books like that. I find it really interesting.
Speaker 2Todd went and saw him and talked to him and then later he came over to the booth, came over to our table. I think it was Todd. I'm pretty sure it was Todd.
Speaker 1It was me and Todd.
Speaker 2He feels like a Todd story. The guy that played the Gorn came over to our table and was looking at our stuff. I was like it's the Gorn I love that. The Gorn Okay, they have to fix a tire. I'm like Kevin's character is the good guy. Then they all like. I guess we'll all have to be on the same side.
Speaker 2And then they're like oh, to get in the vault, which we want to do now we have to find the three keys and we have one of the keys, but really they have two of the keys and half the people seem to know that.
Speaker 1It's very confusing to me. If I'm just being completely honest, I don't understand, because they say we have one, two, two left to go and yet half of that group knows that tina is quote. Unquote is the other key, which turns out to be kate. But like they know, already.
Speaker 2Oh, so she is the key.
Speaker 1So they really only need two keys and then the person, and then her and they already have her and one key, so they only need one more key.
Speaker 2So I don't know, I don't get it so they go to sanctuary city, they go to moxie. Moxie is played by what's her name.
Speaker 1Oh shoot, what is her name?
Speaker 2She was in Showgirls.
Speaker 1Gina Gershtin, gina Gershtin.
Speaker 2By far the most painful character in the movie. What is?
Speaker 1she doing. This is one of the other characters where, like as soon as she starts talking, I was like what are these decisions? What are we doing? Like I don't? Who let this happen on set? I don't understand. Like Eli Roth, I want to sit this guy down and be like Eli what the hell were you watching on set? Were you not wearing your cans? Maybe he's not wearing cans and he can't hear anything. Maybe he's just looking at visuals. He's like wow, she looks great. I'm sure it sounds just as good, but it doesn't. It sounds ridiculous, it's not? I don't understand. Like that's a day one cut. We got to take a week off and restructure our characters. We have to go into a black box theater and we just have to sit here and go through our characters Because this is awful.
Speaker 2It's so bad. I don't even know what she's all like. Y'all don't know what's happening. Y'all you know it's like what is going on. What is this character? Yeah, but when you do know, it's like what is going on. What is this character?
Speaker 1But when you do it it's funny, you know, like she's not being funny because she's well, she's not trying to be funny, that's what I'm saying. She thinks this is good. Somebody let Gina think that this is good and that's going to hurt her in the long run, because when somebody sees this movie, if anyone else saw it.
Speaker 2I'm not sure they did. But if anybody sees this movie if anyone else saw it I'm not sure they did but if anybody sees this movie and goes up to her and it's like gina, what the fuck were you doing? She'd be like I thought it was good, I don't know it was. In a movie packed with bad character choices, hers outshines them all like she did a lot yeah, but well, you know we're gonna get to jam to Jamie Lee Curtis' character and be like wow.
Speaker 1Which is also really bad, but not as bad.
Speaker 2And Jamie Lee Curtis' character goes in and out. Yeah.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Which is okay. So it turns out that Moxie knew Lilith's mom and Moxie was supposed to take care of Lilith when her mom left Her mom threw her at her yeah. So Larry of course turns on Soldier Boy, and then somebody gets tased. Then they have to go take an elevator which you can only turn on somehow.
Speaker 1Well, it's like broken or something, isn't it? I don't know? There's a couple. They had to fix the wiring or something.
Speaker 2No, that's later. That's the other elevator. That's later. I don't know. There's two elevators in this movie.
Speaker 1There's too many. That's two elevators too many. I can't keep them straight.
Speaker 2We don't need elevators, so they get, they get up, they go up the elevator to go see the xeno archaeologist which is jamie lee curtis's character, who is named tannis. Yeah, and I wrote it's sad when kevin hart is doing the best character and he's not even doing a character I mean that's.
Speaker 1I mean, that's the truth of it, though he's. You know what I disagree. I'm going to disagree with you. Let me tell you why, dan, because Kevin Hart is a big character himself. Yes, and they've stripped that away. So, this is like a very subdued Kevin Hart. That's a character. Okay, you know the character might be called Quiet Kevin Hart, but it is still a different character.
Speaker 2See, now, that's the character I want to see. He's like I don't know what's happening here?
Speaker 1Kevin speak up.
Speaker 2Oh my god, we watch this show called the Rest is Entertainment. It's like a podcast, but it's on YouTube too. Every Friday they take questions. They do like 40 podcast, but it's on YouTube too. They take Sure great. Every Friday they take questions. They do like 40 minutes, take like five or six questions. The question was what's with closed captioning and why do young people have the closed captioning on on everything? And they said that four out of five young people have the closed captioning on on their televisions.
Speaker 2I believe that did they say why? Well, because, well, tony, you're one of those people.
Speaker 1Explain to us why I don't want it, but I don't want it dan I hate it I despise it but you live with someone who does I live with someone who needs it and it's it's honestly because she just she likes to have the confidence to know exactly what they're saying. You know what I mean? She reads it and that's my problem is that I start reading instead of watching the show and I'm like, well, now I don't know what's going on, I've missed all of the visuals of this show and I have no idea what's happening. I'm just reading a book here and I don't even like reading. But yes, she loves she, you know, because sometimes people like if you watch something with a Russell Crowe type actor you don't know what they're saying.
Speaker 1So it's good to have the subtitles sometimes, but I mean, if it was up to me they'd never be on. They're distracting. I don't know. Did they say why people have them on? Four out of five is a lot.
Speaker 2They can't figure it out either. Yeah, makes sense, it was interesting, but it's a, it's definitely a cultural you know um, you know an age cultural thing that that is occurring which you would think is the other way around, because as people get old, like yourself, their ears start going out.
Speaker 1You know, and then you know.
Speaker 2Then it helps to have a visual aid if shannon is shannon's running the fans in there in the living room. Oh for sure or the ac I have to, I mean I just well I it just, it just disappears from you know you're absolutely right. The same thing happens to naomi, yeah my hearing is not great to start out with, but you add just like a little bit of ambient noise.
Speaker 1It's like which I do because I run our ac and our ac is right by our tv. So that is also a reason that she says she needs it too, and I'm like we'll just turn it up, let's just get loud. But you know, I don't know. So that was a okay that's interesting four out of five is way higher than I would have liked huge, oh sorry, lilith is mad at jamie lee curtis's character.
Speaker 2She was supposed to take care of her from her mom okay, oh, did you say it was Moxie?
Speaker 1I said it was Moxie, or whatever her name was Lilith and Tina.
Vault Heist Escapade Discussion
Speaker 2Have a moment. They talk. Tina talks about how they made her, and they grew her from Iridian blood. That's what happened they grew her from Iridian blood, which, once again, isn't that a big stretch. Well, if you're gonna make one, why don't you make 20, right? If this vault is worth enough that an entire planet's worth of people are willing to die for it yeah why don't you just make not only?
Speaker 1that, but if it's not 100 gonna work. That's like if, if you don't think it's 100, you would make a bunch of them to. You know what is that? Like you, you know, throw shit at the wall, see what sticks. There's another saying. I was trying to go with a buckshot, but I forgot it. Um, so I mean you just make a bunch of them and then just throw them on the platform, one at a time, up, up, up, up up. She opened it.
Speaker 2We're good yeah, you'd be sending one down every year.
Speaker 1See, that's that's your bets you.
Speaker 2You could just have her say yeah, I'm this year's attempt.
Speaker 1Well, it would be interesting if she didn't even know that, right, yeah. But she finds out that she's just the next one up and then he just discards them, kills them.
Speaker 2Interesting things that could have been thought about if you wanted to do interesting things, but instead we're doing elevators Elevator I need to know the secret code for the elevator. Yes, that's, that was time well spent on your movie.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2Secret elevator code.
Speaker 1Oh, it's good.
Speaker 2Okay, the bar, oh yeah, okay, the bad guys are looking for them. They spot the robot, they follow them and they find from this journal that they have to go to the caustic caverns.
Speaker 1What was the robot doing? Why was it rolling around town, Dan?
Speaker 2So it could get discovered and lead back to them.
Speaker 1Well, yeah, that is what I just don't understand. What's the character, the character, the robot's motivating?
Speaker 2Nope.
Speaker 1Why is he rolling around town and going to seemingly the same bar they were just in? Nope, all right, I don't know. Nope, tony.
Speaker 2No, seems like poor choices, that's all then they escape in a dumpster very easily yeah.
Speaker 1well then they get to say that you know the garbage joke of like is there any way out of this without garbage? Nope, Great joke.
Speaker 2Garbage.
Speaker 1It's a really good joke.
Speaker 2So they go to this place where there's a river of ooze. You must have been excited about the river of ooze.
Speaker 1You know I just people do make weird choices. I don't know why we're all obsessed with like weird gross liquids and substances. You don't like it.
Speaker 2You don't know why we're all obsessed with weird gross liquids and substances. I don't like it. You don't like it. You don't like it. I don't like it. Give you the heebie-jeebies.
Speaker 1Heebie-jeebies is a good word for it, man, I'm not here for it.
Speaker 2I don't know. Do you remember? Was that the name of Adam's script the heebie-jeebies? I think it was, I don't remember.
Speaker 1Do you remember?
Speaker 2his script.
Speaker 1That was a long time ago, Dan.
Speaker 2Did you read the script? I read the script.
Speaker 1I don't know if I ever actually read it. I know that he sent it to me. Maybe we shouldn't talk about this on air. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2There was some good stuff in it.
Speaker 1All right great.
Speaker 2I think I gave him notes for the first 20 or 25 pages, but it was like 100 pages, I mean that's a lot though. It was a movie, it was a full movie. So they throw the robot down this one hatch so that he can go and open a door that they know is somewhere that they're going to need to have opened.
Speaker 1I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 2So Tina almost falls and dies, but Krieg saves her, and I don't know how he saved her.
Speaker 1Well, he just grabbed her.
Speaker 2I don't know where Krieg was.
Speaker 1Have you seen Inspector Gadget Similar to that Go-Go Gadget, arm type of idea?
Speaker 2His arm just shoots across him.
Speaker 1It must, because she was all alone alone, and then she's fallen down a pit and he grabbed her on the scruff of the neck there. So I don't know.
Speaker 2And then they all climb on this thing that's over the acid river, and then they get there, and then Tina and Krieg are already there or they are after them.
Speaker 1I don't know. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it, they all get there eventually. That's called good storytelling, dan.
Speaker 2And then Tina sees a flower on the ground and it's growing and she's all like life can grow anywhere. And then Robot opens the door and then he steps on it and grinds it and destroys it and it's like let's go. Wasn't that your favorite joke of the movie?
Speaker 1oh no, that's not my favorite joke. I actually don't even know where the problem with only writing three and a half notes for a movie, dan you don't know where the joke is. I actually don't know where it falls in the movie anymore, so there's a chance we're just gonna miss my favorite joke anyhow so then they get to the thing, and then there's a call.
Speaker 2In next chamber there's a colony of psychos that they have to sneak behind. So they send the robot out there to distract them, and then he does a whole song and dance while they walk behind them. So their plan works perfectly. And then the bad guys all shoot the robot and then the robot, uninjured by the bullets, follows after them.
Speaker 1Yeah, he's invincible, by the way.
Speaker 2Yes, he distracts all of them and then they have to go find. I don't know if this is where he poops or not. He poops out all the.
Speaker 1Yeah, he poops out all the bullets. They look like shells, which is confusing, but it's bullets.
Speaker 2They are shells, aren't they?
Speaker 1Yeah, but it's fine.
Speaker 2And they make the noise of shells as opposed to bullets.
Speaker 1Yeah, all true.
Speaker 2So they have to find the key and hundreds of crates. And then Robot's like that's going to take us four days. And then Lilith just walks over there, picks it up, brings it back and they're all like, oh well, that solved that problem. But instead of solving that problem because he's pooping the bullets or shell casings, then the psychos all hear and then the psychos attack and then there's a giant fight to the song Ace of Spades.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's not a great fight, um, is this the part where part of it is in like strobe light effect, or is that a different fight?
Speaker 2I wouldn't have written one of the fights it.
Speaker 1You know what? It's irrelevant. In one of the fights the lighting is just a strobe light and I hate that. We need to stop doing that. That's terrible lighting.
Speaker 2That may or may not have happened at this point, but this was the right point to complain about it, Tony Great.
Speaker 1Thanks.
Speaker 2Dan, I appreciate you. So they escape. And then so, since they escaped, what do we follow up? The fight, then the escape? Do we do quiet time? Nope, we have second the exact same fight.
Speaker 1Yeah, you know what's better than one fight, two fights?
Speaker 2And then they get to the next elevator and then Jamie Lee Curtis is trying to fix the elevator.
Speaker 1Oh, this is my elevator, okay, great.
Speaker 2She's trying to fix the elevator and then I'm like, oh, they got to guard this one hall. I'm like, oh, they got to guard this one hall. I'm like, oh, they're going to send Krieg to guard the hall, right, because he's the person you send to guard the hall, because you're doing Serenity, where you send Summer Cloud to do it, and then she fights it and then wins and everyone's like holy shit that was impressive, that was unbelievable. Who do we send to fight Tony?
Speaker 1Just like our normal human soldier guy he's great, by the way really, really, really winning and, and he just kills them all and then comes back to them later well, sort of.
Speaker 1I mean, he shoots a bunch of them and then tina throws him one of the bunny rabbits again I don't know where she was holding that, uh and he throws that down the hall. Try to bear with me because it's very confusing. He throws it down the hall right, blows up the hall, and then more guys come and he starts shooting them and then they tackle him. That's the events that we see. And then we cut to him a few scenes later and he's under a pile of bodies, makes a really great orgy joke, uh, which was sorely needed. You know, I mean, thank god for that joke really saves the movie. He crawls out of the this pile of bodies. I don't know why they're dead.
Speaker 1I have no idea why these bodies are on top of him and dead was he underneath, just shooting probably I don't know, I think so, but then he crawls out with the bunny head and he's like he makes a joke to the bunny head and then throws it away. How does he have the bunny head? I don't understand what happened in between the cuts maybe, maybe that's how you you arm it.
Speaker 2You pull off the head and then you throw like a grenade yeah, but he threw the whole body.
Speaker 1We saw him throw it, dan. All right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2Well, I mean, maybe you were paying enough attention and noticed that he threw it. I was not paying enough attention to notice he threw it and, more importantly that's fair. He throws the bomb. I do remember he threw a bomb, I don, but there was grating on the floor that was acid below, and I was like, oh, he's going to blow up the thing, and then they're all going to fall to their deaths.
Speaker 2Sure, that would have been smart, yeah, the rusted grate that the weight of a human can have fall apart unaffected by a bomb.
Speaker 1Totally fine. Yeah, yeah, withstood it, no problem, it's great stuff.
Speaker 2Okay. So they go in the elevator and then the elevator starts going way too fast and they're all like what's going to happen? We're going to die. And then what?
Speaker 1happens, tony, they teleport, I don't know.
Speaker 2They teleport. Yeah, they teleport. Tina now has the power to teleport the whole group. Well, does she?
Speaker 1Does she? I don't know. It's Cate Blanchett, dan, what? Yeah, it's Cate that actually does it. No, I'm pretty sure. Really. I think so, because I think that's why she throws up afterwards.
Speaker 2I could be misreading the situation. You're right, okay okay.
Speaker 1But the way that the movie is doing, they're like, oh, she is sick because they teleported. She was not used to it. But I was like no, it's because she's exerting that energy and that's why she's sick. That could be me, uh. But she teleports later, at the finale, so I assume it was her both times oh I don't know.
Speaker 1Tina seems to think it's her too, but she's also crazy, so I don't know. Well, you broke. You broke the code, don't? You broke the code? Good job, nailed it. Um, I don't why. Why would an elevator go too fast up? Too fast down is something I can get behind, but too fast up is just weird. It's just a really weird choice. So you'd have to teleport. So you'd have to teleport. That's right. There it is. You nailed it.
Speaker 2The answer's right there in front of you, Tony.
Speaker 1You're absolutely right. They wrote that backwards. That's what happened.
Speaker 2They have quiet time. The keys are also a map. They do the map and then they see exactly where they have to go. And then we go. Oh well, tina's the last key. And then the prophecy says that she's going to get consumed when the vault opens, which, of course, of course doesn't happen to either of the characters.
Speaker 1Well, not in like a literal or metaphorical sense. No, there it is.
Speaker 2Robot fixes the pager, lilith busts it again. Then a little drone shows up and then they're like uh-oh.
Speaker 1And then, well, yeah, another, uh, atlas, is that his name? I keep forgetting his stupid bad guy. He was like, hey, did you break my pager?
Speaker 2uh-uh and uh, it's real dumb and then, of course, tina's there watching and tina's like I'm betrayed, but I'm not that betrayed, but I'm kind of betrayed, so I'm gonna do one thing that acts like I've been betrayed.
Speaker 1I'm just like a little bit like I'm more annoyed than betrayed, to be honest with you, but you know so.
Speaker 2Tina blows up Lilith, then when Lilith wakes up, the robots there, everybody left. And then we get some flashbacks about how her mom abandoned her on the planet. Right, don't care, why did her mom abandon her on the planet?
Speaker 1She just, I think she just couldn't get on the chopper or something?
Speaker 2Oh no, she puts the kid on the chopper, but she doesn't get on the chopper.
Speaker 1Yeah, like maybe there's not enough room, I don't know, dan.
Speaker 2She should have been like she'd been holding like a big wrench and the guy should have been like you can't get on here with that heavy wrench. That wrench is too heavy, but it's my favorite wrench.
Speaker 1I'm not leaving it behind.
Confusing Plot Points in Movie Review
Speaker 2So they're at some holes, yes, they're at some holes. And then Frank finds it. Who's Frank? What's it? Who is Frank? I don't know. Maybe that's Kevin Hart's character, Kevin it. Who is Frank? I don't know, maybe that's Kevin Hart's character.
Speaker 1Kevin Hart's character is Frank Is Kevin.
Speaker 2Hart's name, frank, I figured it is.
Speaker 1Let me quickly IMDB that. We found his name no his name is Roland, so I don't know who Frank is, who's Frank. I'm looking, I'm looking if there's a Frank in the movie. I don't see a frank in this, this cast list yeah, I don't know well, they find the place to put the keys, they put the keys in there, and then tina stands there and then no no, the creek, creek finds it. He goes uh, science thing, or something like that.
Speaker 2He lifts up a bunch of junk and then the thing is right there yeah, don't know how he knew to look there for the thing I mean I wouldn't, wouldn't worry about it. Nothing happens. Well done, tina Atlas shows up and then he's all like kill them all. And Lady Bad Guy shows up, and then Lilith does the thing and becomes the Phoenix.
Speaker 1Yeah, the Dark Phoenix, yeah.
Speaker 2Her clothes caught on fire. I was like thank you.
Speaker 1Hey, thanks Eli Roth, Great decision you did one.
Speaker 2So she becomes like a person that can fly and you can't kill Atlas, but Atlas has a ship that has a gun Hold on.
Speaker 1Let's just talk about Alice's shield thing. Oh my God, he's like's like.
Speaker 2Oh you almost got me if it wasn't for my atlas shield. Oh vomit, why is that bad?
Speaker 1I don't get it maybe it's, maybe it's from the game, I have no idea. But he just opens his jacket. He's got two little devices here and they're the atlas shield thing. I was just like this is so stupid. What's happening.
Speaker 2And then he shoots her with the big gun and she's like, ah, almost died, oh wait, ow. But then she comes back and saves everybody and they blast people and they shoot her with the ship's gun, and then she decides to just. Then she gets her powers back and then she just flies through the ship and then the ship crashes.
Speaker 1Well, she decides to fly at the ship at one point and then, like, hits the shield and then falls back down. Well, she destroys the ship. She does it the second time. But the first time she flew to the ship, she like hit the shield and fell down or something Once again you would know that that ship had shields right, so you wouldn't go full blast into a ship. You wouldn't just fly into a wall on purpose. No, you wouldn't think so.
Speaker 2I don't know, man, she should be like blast, blast, blast, blast, blast, blast out of her hands and see the shields up there and then be like this oh, there's a shield. Maybe I should go steal the battery off of Atlas's backpack and then I can disable the shields. I love it. So Atlas has grabbed Tina and he's all like I'm going to kill her unless you let me in the vault.
Speaker 2And you're just like how's this going to work? I still don't know, and I saw the movie. She lets Atlas into the vault and it's like, here you go, You're in the vault, and then he's all like, oh, it's awesome. And then she just wasn't. He was wrong, he is wrong, and then she just walks up behind him and disables his shield.
Speaker 1Yeah, so I'm a little confused. Is the shield only on the front? I don't know, man, because I assume that the shield would also guard against me just reaching into your body. But it's also confusing because he was able to grab Tina and bring her into his body. So what is the shield? Does it only block bullets? It's an AI shield.
Speaker 2You know, in Dune it's thinking Okay, in Dune you have the shield right and it stops bullets, yeah, but the way to kill someone that's shielded in Dune is you've got to use a slow knife and then just go real slow, just get through it.
Speaker 1Yeah, no, I remember that. Yeah, Because it's all about I don't know like velocity.
Speaker 2I don't know like velocity I don't know what it is, I don't know science. That's good, you're right. So she disables his thing, and then the tentacle monster.
Speaker 1Right. So did she need to disable the thing for the tentacle monster to kill him? Probably not, probably not, probably not. Also, why is there a tentacle monster?
Speaker 2Where else are you going to keep a tentacle monster?
Speaker 1Why are you keeping one at all? Only one person can get supposedly through the gate, and that's the Flame Hawk.
Speaker 2Who's feeding?
Speaker 1that tentacle monster Apparently she is. She just fed him right now. There it is. I don't know. It just doesn't make any sense, man. They go back to the city.
Speaker 2There's a party going on, peace has been attained, everyone's happy and they're like let's go to the party. And so then she turns into the phoenix and flies over there and is like fireworks of the phoenix and the roll music, everyone clap. So what was the joke you liked, tony.
Speaker 1Yeah, no, we totally missed it. I have no idea where it falls in the movie, but they're talking about their plan and the robot calculates the odds Zero percent and he's like the odds of survival are zero. Wow, you never see. That Made me laugh really hard.
Speaker 2It was a good joke.
Speaker 1I don't know what it had anything to do with, but I'm glad we called it out, it's a really nice joke and I feel much better now. Thank you.
Movie Comparison and TV Show Recommendations
Speaker 2Yeah, that's a good joke. Yeah, so this movie, just how to take a big budget, make terror. I mean this movie kind of like the Avatar movie, right?
Speaker 1Wow, I think people would disagree with us because they like Avatar, but I think generally people hated this movie as much as we did.
Speaker 2People hated that, the, the, what you got, no, not, not. Uh, james cameron's avatar, the other one oh, avatar, the cartooned movie. Yeah, the cartoon, I see very similar kind of like what is happening why? Why are we doing any?
Speaker 1of this. I feel the same way way about James Cameron's Avatar, so I just want to put that out there.
Speaker 2I enjoyed it, the first time I saw it.
Speaker 1That's because you're dumb, dan. I'm sorry You're not, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2Wow, that's a real Using the Dan line on Dan Wow. Yeah, I got Dan'd Turn it around. No, I mean the first time you see them flying on, those unicorns and the dark beasts are coming through the thing you're like oh, this looks good.
Speaker 1Sure I mean, it looks good. Then the guy in the suit pulls out the big knife and you're just like, oh, why does he have a?
Speaker 2big knife. You can't give something different like a stick or a flamethrower.
Speaker 1No big knife. Flamethrower I different, like a stick or a flamethrower.
Speaker 2No big knife, flamethrower.
Speaker 1I'm in.
Speaker 2I love a flamethrower. Why do you name the guy Jake Sully Like? Is that his name, Jake Sully? No, that's 100%.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's probably Sullivan, right? I don't know.
Speaker 2Anything else to say about this masterpiece of garbage.
Speaker 1Nope, it's pretty bad, pretty bad stuff.
Speaker 2Now we talk about something we liked. I just started the Agatha all along Disney+.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's on my list.
Speaker 2The beginning's a little slow, and then you're like I'm interested, I'm intrigued.
Speaker 1Okay, I mean we're going to watch it.
Speaker 2Did you watch WandaVision? Oh of course.
Speaker 1Yeah, we love WandaVision. We skip a lot of the new Marvel stuff, but WandaVision was real good.
Speaker 2I think if you're a WandaVision person you're going to like this. You know Aubrey Plaza's in there and what's her name she's. You know Catherine Hahn as Agatha.
Speaker 1Yeah, she's good, she's good, she's good at that.
Speaker 2What do you?
Speaker 1got for us, tony. We started a new show. Well, they just started and we started as well. High Potential, with what's her name from? It's Always Sunny Caitlin Olsen. Oh really.
Speaker 2Caitlin Olsen, one of the Olsen twins.
Speaker 1It's like a new mystery procedural, kind of like Castle, that sort of vibe. It's not as good as Castle, let's not be confused, but still it's enjoyable.
Speaker 2We're going to watch it.
Speaker 1I'm excited, excited to have a new real show that's happening on live television.
Speaker 2Is it on CBS or something? One of those stupid things. Abc.
Speaker 1Same place.
Speaker 2Castle was. It's probably fairly unwatchable for most of us.
Speaker 1I'll try it once. Maybe they're fun. I try to watch those shows sometimes and I'm just like no listen, I'm not gonna blame you, like, I'm not gonna say oh it's great, you need to watch it. But you know, if you like the genre, it's uh, it's a solid entry so now we're moving into halloween times we sure are. What do you got dan?
Speaker 2so I looked through the movies. I'm like I got some movies, so this movie I never saw it. Read the book.
Speaker 1Oh, book to movie. I love that Book to movie.
Speaker 2Starring everybody's favorite, richard Gere, pretty Woman himself.
Speaker 1Richard Gere, it was a book you don Gere.
Speaker 2It was a book.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2You don't even know it's a book. That's why it's funny.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, all right, well then I'll stop trying to think about it.
Speaker 2I don't know if it's a horror movie, but it's spooky. It's called the Mothman Prophecies.
Speaker 1Oh, the Mothman Prophecies. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, man prophecy sure yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2No, I saw this back in the day, back in high school, I believe. Yeah, I read the book.
Speaker 1Don't remember it at all. I remember there being a bridge involved ah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2There's bridges in america and this takes place in america I've got it, my, my understanding this takes place in america, probably shot in canada, but takes place. But but you know america why?
Speaker 1is okay, great, I love that that seems like it's a properly America Probably shot in Canada but takes place in America.
Speaker 2Okay, great, I love that. That seems like it's a properly possibly spooky movie, or supposed to be spooky movie that's not at all spooky.
Speaker 1Yeah, isn't that the way they usually go? That's great, I'm excited.
Speaker 2And then, Tony, you're going to be able to pick something out next week, so you better start thinking about it now.
Speaker 1I think I'm saving Todd's idea until closer to Halloween.
Speaker 2So my second Halloween pick but.
Speaker 1I already got what I'm going to pick next week. I already got it.
Speaker 2We're locking them in, locking those movies in. So we're going to the Mothman Prophecies and if you like what we do here, give us a thumbs up, leave a comment or subscribe. Those are all things you can do to support us in front of the face of the algorithm that fights against us every day, tries to keep the good man down and the good sell, and the Tony also.
Speaker 1Yeah good.
Speaker 2I don't know if good man is an appropriate description but I'll take it and yeah, so we'll be back next time talking about the Mothman prophecies and maybe we'll see you then. Goodbye, everybody, watch it.
Speaker 1With Dan and Tony.
Speaker 2It's like watching hell.