Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Jackpot!
What happens when Hollywood's relentless production machine churns out both cinematic gold and forgettable flops? Join us for a spirited episode of Hate Watching with Dan and Tony, where we put the spotlight on Paul Feig's "Lady Ghostbusters" and "Bridesmaids" before diving headfirst into the action comedy "Jackpot" starring Awkwafina, John Cena, and Simu Liu. We debate whether Simu Liu's career choices, particularly his roles in "Shang-Chi" and "Barbie," have hit the mark and compare "Jackpot" to Mark Wahlberg's less adventurous "The Union". Expect no-holds-barred opinions and plenty of laughs as we dissect these films.
Ever wondered how a dystopian lottery in 2030 California would play out? Spoiler: it’s bizarre. Our next discussion tackles the perplexing plot of "Me Time," where lottery winners must survive attempts on their lives without guns. From implausible rules to societal acceptance of this deadly game, we break down the many logical gaps and absurdities that make this film a head-scratcher. We even brainstorm alternative plot ideas, debating whether altruistic stakes could have saved this narrative disaster.
As we wrap things up, we explore unexpected plot twists and character dynamics in various films, including one where a sweet old lady is revealed to be a thief and potential killer. John Cena's Ninja Turtle fandom and a humorous escape room scenario add layers to our critique. We also revisit memorable celebrity cameos and crude jokes, analyzing how these elements contribute to—or detract from—the films' entertainment value. Whether it's chaotic museum fights or missed opportunities for stronger character development, this episode is packed with insightful commentary and comedic banter that you won't want to miss.
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See, Dan, we can do this forever.
Speaker 2:Maybe Hollywood kept making bad movies.
Speaker 1:First of all, hollywood's never going to stop. That's just silly, yeah, I might die, but other than that, you know we're golden.
Speaker 2:Keep doing it till we both die.
Speaker 1:I can't wait to do our last show where we're both on our deathbeds, microphone just kind of laying next to us. It's going to be beautiful.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Tony. I'm Dan, I'm Tony. This is a special edition of Hate Watching with Dan and Tony because we're filming it at 4.24pm. On a Wednesday, one of the latest hate watching we've ever filmed.
Speaker 1:It's only special to us. It won't change the release schedule for it at all, that's true, but I'm happy with it. I feel great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so on this show we watch a movie or have had watched a movie, and then we talk about the movie, and this week Tony picked a banger.
Speaker 1:It's good. It is good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you picked this one right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I picked this one because you picked the union last week the new mark walberg holly berry action, comedy and I was like you know what? There's another action comedy that just dropped that also looks like trash. Let's give it a shot. And it's, of course, the john cena epic jackpot. Is this an action comedy? I mean, there are action sequences and there are some jokes, and it was made by Paul Fee. Feig, feig, feig, feig, feig, feig, feig, feig.
Speaker 2:Feig.
Speaker 1:Feig, feig, feig, feig, feig, feig, feig, feig, feig turns out no, no, I think he's no, no, no I think he's one hit all other miss. Is he? Is he a one hit wonder? Well, he did, lady ghostbusters. He did bridesmaids. That was the one you were giving it to.
Speaker 2:I'm giving it to lady ghostbusters you think lady ghostbusters is better than bridesmaids?
Speaker 1:Only to prove my point. If I had to answer it honestly, it would be a no. However, right now I'm going to double down Best movie I've ever seen.
Speaker 2:Okay, this movie, awkwafina, john Cena, simu Liu, who somebody in their stupid mind is like we don't know what to do with this guy. Let's make him a villain in movies and then make him you know, just like have no idea how to use him as a villain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it's tough, it's too bad. I mean, listen, it's not his fault. You know what I mean. It's not his fault. You know what I mean. It's not his fault. But so far, everything except for the Marvel movie, shang-chi. Yeah, I've hated him.
Speaker 2:Oh, he was good in Barbie.
Speaker 1:He was great in Barbie. I thought he was terrible in Barbie. And let me tell you I love Barbie.
Speaker 1:Terrible is a strong word because I don't think Barbie was bad in any way, shape or form. I do think he was the worst of the Kens and I am putting every single Ken into that category when I say that Really. And here's why, dan, wow, when you watch the dance numbers, watch Ryan Gosling's face and then watch Simu's face, he smiles. They're in like two completely different movies. Ryan Gosling's having the time of his life, he knows the assignment, he's having fun, and I just don't get any joy out of Simu. I get none what you don't get any, wow.
Speaker 2:I get no joy, I don't know. Wow, I love him. I think I love I watch him. He's like the guy I watch. I'm like I don't have it. I don't get enough of him well, that's great.
Speaker 1:Everybody needs a cheerleader are you gonna re-watch? This movie because you love him so much no, no, is this your favorite movie? Dan good, good so You're so good at this movie, I want to watch it every day of my life If you'd have told me You're going to do two Simu movies In like this year and you were going to say to yourself I will never watch either of these movies again.
Speaker 2:I'd be like that seems unlikely. You know they're going to be light. They're going to be light comedies when he's like having a romance or something.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be like, oh, this is. I would watch that movie, dan, but that's not what we're getting out of him.
Speaker 2:Oh, man yeah I mean it's weird.
Speaker 1:His career took a turn this year, you know. So did you like this movie, Tony? What I will say is I liked it more than I liked the Union, Only because it at least tried things. I felt like the Union was very bland and I thought that they were very boring characters. At least John Cena's out here screaming turtle power doing his best, you know.
Speaker 2:I will say this about the movie. Although I'm trying to think of the union, I literally can't remember what that movie was about. I can't remember who started it or what it was about.
Speaker 1:You know it has been longer than normal. Now it's been like 12 days since you've watched it, so that's too much. 12's not the right number.
Speaker 2:Who was the star of that movie?
Speaker 1:It's Mark Wahlberg and Holly Berry.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's Mark Wahlberg and Holly Berry. Yeah, I mean, that movie had going for it Holly Berry's hair.
Speaker 1:You did enjoy that. I thought it was silly.
Speaker 2:You're right, tony. I still can't remember anything about the union. Oh, they were the whatchamacall they were. They were the working class of james bonds, the blue collar bonds. Yeah, I will say, this movie, this movie tried right, this they were like joke joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. You know action scene joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. None of the jokes made.
Speaker 1:I mean, I would say but a few of the jokes actually made me laugh.
Speaker 2:I was just like the totally this movie was. Well, we'll get to that. But I mean, yes, the jokes were just like they had a lot of jokes. They might've been funny jokes. They had a lot of people that you were like these are funny people Maybe maybe they had a lot of people that you were like. These are funny people, maybe, Maybe, Maybe. If I saw these women in the stand-up club, they would say funny jokes and I would laugh at them.
Speaker 1:But you know, I mean.
Speaker 2:The best joke in the whole movie not surprisingly is in the outtakes at the end of the movie.
Speaker 1:Oh, interesting, which one? Can I just rip the band-aid off now?
Speaker 2:Oh, the Atlanta one.
Speaker 1:Atlanta one Atlanta one.
Speaker 2:Atlanta, they're, they're, they're driving through the thing they're driving, uh what's his? Name John Cena.
Speaker 1:John Cena's driving the car.
Speaker 2:And he basically says have you ever noticed? La looks a lot like Atlanta.
Speaker 1:Oh sure, Because they're shooting in atlanta.
Speaker 2:they're shooting atlanta that's a, that's an inside baseball. You know that's an insider joke. That is a very good joke, yeah yeah, it's good.
Speaker 1:I listen. I have come to the realization that I don't enjoy aquafina. She was really bad. Just I think a blanket term. I I mean she's been fun in a couple things, but this was not one of them. I did not enjoy her. But I was thinking, if you take out Awkwafina, the star of the movie.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're going to remove the star of the movie from the movie. Okay, let's keep going.
Speaker 1:And you just put in someone else you know what I mean Like I don't think that it's you don't think so why?
Speaker 2:Why, why, why, why, why? Because the other two girls that are in this movie the girl that drives the cab and then the girl that plays her Airbnb person Right, If you put either of them in her role, they would be just as bad.
Speaker 1:What if you put Kevin Hart in the role?
Speaker 2:Kevin would be better. I'm going to say this I don't think she's a good actress at all.
Speaker 1:She's not yeah.
Speaker 2:And Kevin's better because we did that, kevin, kevin and the one where they went on the bachelor party or whatever it was, yep. And Kevin, his acting was okay. I mean it wasn't good but it was it was you. I didn't sit there going like please, please stop, I don't. I don't believe you. I, I don't believe you just stepped in turtle poo or whatever it was in the kitchen. I'm like.
Speaker 2:I feel, like he stepped in turtle poo in the kitchen. I felt like that happened. I felt like he was looking at an elephant penis on the screen. You know, I was like he does seem uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:How do you remember so much about that movie but you didn't even remember who was in the movie we watched last week? That doesn't make any sense, dan.
Speaker 2:Because that was the thing about, whatever that movie was.
Speaker 1:The Union. No no no, the Kevin Hart movie. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:There were a bunch of things in that that were like, okay, this is an interesting setup, and they almost kind of got there in that movie.
Speaker 1:You were like, I felt like it.
Speaker 2:Sure, felt like sure, sure, yeah, you know, even walberg, you were like I almost, I almost felt that situation, it was. It made sense like this movie. This movie is is bad, a terrible concept yeah and you, just once you start with the terrible concept, you're like this is never gonna work yeah, well, I mean, you're right about that.
Speaker 1:Also, we're talking about 2022's me time, in case anyone wants to go back and watch that movie that movie was called meat me time wow because, it's all about how like he gets away with his old friend marky.
Speaker 2:Mark goes on a crazy adventure yeah, and that thing had a whole thing where marky mark was like the guy that always got away with shit in his life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we understand that, which I believe.
Speaker 2:That's a character we understand, that's a character we totally believe and Kevin Hart's the guy that's like. I got to raise the family and be straight and narrow and then he does the thing and then it falls apart, and then they have to solve it and the other guy has to show that he was really just as he lived. A real life. I mean, that's a real plot.
Speaker 1:This movie, the plot of this movie, the plot of this movie.
Speaker 2:You look like you're panicking. Is that in the future?
Speaker 1:Not even that far 2030?
Speaker 2:2030, yes, what year is it now? It's 2025.
Speaker 1:So this is five years from now.
Speaker 2:Five years. We don't even like rollerball it and push it out a little ways. It feels like a little bit of the future. There's a lottery in California that you get picked and then the first person who can succeed at killing you without a gun gets your money.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or you survive and get your own money.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is one of those things where they have stretched. They're like what if we made the? What's the other movie where they do this? The Purge, the Purge, the Purge, the Purge exists on this really thin ledge of just being kind of believable.
Speaker 1:Well, because it makes a little bit more sense than this. This takes like four different steps to get to where we can kill people, like someone has to win a lottery and then people have to find them and then kill them. It's just, the purge is just like one night. One night we let people go fucking crazy because we need it.
Speaker 2:We need that because humans suck it's a it's a decent science fiction allegory, no matter what you can say I don't see how this could. You could always. You could pick apart the purge, yeah but, you're like.
Speaker 2:Well, at least this is an interesting allegory to explore, and that's what science fiction does this movie is like we're a science fiction movie that has set up like this, this pathway. That's so absurd. You know you can opt out of it if you drive to the middle of the desert and then you pass by a line where there's a giant glowing neon blue cross.
Speaker 1:Just an imaginary line, by the way. Somebody could come kill you on that side of the line and then just drive you to the other side of the line. Who's going to know, Dan? No one's going to know.
Speaker 2:There would be a hundred people in cars and that would be interesting. They have something interesting, right, she looks out there on the desert highway, and there's hundreds of cars just waiting, just waiting, yeah, and and the other thing is, how are you gonna prove who kills her?
Speaker 1:you know, what if now, what if I hit her with a?
Speaker 2:car and then, and then she's bleeding out, and then the paramedic goes, and then you know, it's just like what the fuck yeah, there's a ton of holes in their plan.
Speaker 1:and what's weird is and this is a real question, dan, because I don't play the lottery how often is the lottery drawn? Is it weekly?
Speaker 2:Oh, there's a lot of things that go on with the lottery. Right, you can sit and do Powerball and Powerball fires maybe every 15 minutes or every hour. You can sit in there and watch a. Tv screen and Powerball. Three numbers comes up, and that's continuous.
Speaker 1:Maybe 24-7. So how often does this lottery come about?
Speaker 2:They don't really. Well, the board had lots of people.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying. Maybe it's every month Five years from now, so it just feels like a lot of time. Maybe it's every month Five years from now, so it just feels like a lot of time. Now, the least believable part to me is that she doesn't know anything about it.
Speaker 2:Well, her mom was dying and they watched a lot of television. If there was a thing where a billion dollars was being given out regularly and people were murdering each other, you'd hear about it. We hear about football.
Speaker 1:Where is social media? Like you would know, everyone would know that this is happening. They are killing people for billions of dollars in california. That's something you would hear about. I don't care where you are, you would hear about it yeah so.
Speaker 2:So already at the beginning of this movie you've got 27 premises that make this thing so unbelievable. And then you have the whole idea that everyone in the world, or at least in Los Angeles, basically thinks it's alright to kill someone for money.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're just cool with it, yeah.
Speaker 2:Like everyone, like everyone, like everyone. Everyone instantly sees her and is like I'm going to kill you.
Speaker 1:So let's take a vote on this podcast you and me Dan.
Speaker 2:Would you?
Speaker 1:partake.
Speaker 2:Would I be part of this? No, of course not.
Speaker 1:And I would. So 50-50s, that's pretty good you would. You would like you know I wouldn't.
Speaker 2:No, I mean, it's absurd. I'm not going to kill someone for a bunch of money.
Speaker 1:There are way better reasons to kill people, exactly.
Speaker 2:We're going to get to Dan Goodsell's rules of comedy. What are the rules of comedy, Tony?
Speaker 1:The rule of three, that's true, that's the only one I got. I don't know what else is there.
Speaker 2:Well, there's two rules of comedy. Two rules Don't hurt animals.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, no, that is a rule. Don't kill the pets, that is a rule.
Speaker 2:yep and well, actually, these are, these are. These are drama things too.
Speaker 1:Don't make it about money I don't you hate things about money, it's stupid.
Speaker 2:Nobody cares, I don't care and, and more importantly, she doesn't even need the money her.
Speaker 1:She has no desire to win the jackpot at all. So is there? It's weird. It's a weird thing where she's just like I just want to leave, just let me leave the movie, I don't want to be here. And I felt the same way the whole time. I was like I'm with you aquafina, let's go over the border and get this shit over with, because I'm over it you set up your primary character wanting to leave the movie variant. Leave everything you've set up and just get out of town.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no interest in the premise that you set up. You tried to make something compelling and your main character is like no, no, no, it's not interesting.
Speaker 1:I'm not doing it. Nah, not, not for me, yeah, no, it's hard to get on board with something like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so now we're going to talk about the movie.
Speaker 1:So we're going to start. Oh okay, let's start it up.
Speaker 2:There was a Great Depression. Kill the winner, get the money. No guns Although no one uses any kind of projectile weapons, 90% of the people would have crossbows. John Cena's character has a gun that shoots poison like wasp venom that knocks people out. Well, everyone would be carrying one of those and firing them constantly.
Speaker 1:Isn't that a gun? Of course it's a gun. It's weird to me. I don't understand their rules, because you said very specifically no guns, no bullets.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you're allowed to use.
Speaker 1:But guns fine. Bullets are bad, so it's just the bullets that are the problem, from my understanding I, you know I don't, so flamethrowers are okay.
Speaker 2:People would have you know. It's like yeah I mean if you hurt someone else you go to jail for that. You know there's a million questions because everybody doesn't care that's a good point.
Speaker 1:That's a good point. Like what, if you know my? My knife misses my target, chops off someone else's head, what happens then? Well, you're going to jail for life.
Speaker 2:That doesn't seem fair you know, and that's, and that's why most people would not participate in this, because most people don't want to. You know, it's like you can walk into a liquor store with a gun and get money anytime you want.
Speaker 1:I mean, but we would not recommend it. I just want to throw that out there. We're not saying to try it.
Speaker 2:Yes, anybody that wants money really bad can take a gun and try to go get money really bad.
Speaker 1:I would like money really badly, you know, but not like that kind of bad, not badly enough to go to jail. No, the risk is too great. Right, you know risk reward. You really got to measure that out so we start with uh sean patrick almost so close to sean william scott, patrick no no, no.
Speaker 1:Patrick in there, whatsoever. I love Sean William Scott. He doesn't look like he can run anymore. Not that I'm judging, because neither can I, but we do a nice long sequence of him running and I was like this isn't great. That should have been the audition, probably Just be like can you run from one side of this room to the other? And when he can't, you just say sorry, sean, you're out.
Speaker 2:So he's running in a parking garage there's a lunch lady and a janitor. Then he breaks into a house and then there's a drone watching him and then a grandma murders him and then three randos show up, then the police show up, then Johnny Grant shows up and gives him a big check.
Speaker 1:And now. So here's the thing. Right, he's in a house. Yeah, he's hidden, we can't see into the house. No, right, yeah, she killed him. Three people broke in and then we're like ah shoot, we missed it. I don't believe that. I think that if you're this crazed and you're this willing to kill people, you burst in there and you're like all right, you're dead, old lady, the baby's dead, and then I might fight these two guys and try to be the winner here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's almost like things that would happen. I had an idea for this movie. Oh, talk to me.
Speaker 1:I'd love to hear it. What about, okay?
Speaker 2:Here's the premise instead of you getting the money, if you kill the person, your charity gets the money so you're being altruistic now like what's what's happening here, tan? It would be kind of interesting like this would be the switch this isn't celebrity jeopardy.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're not giving away our money to our favorite charity.
Speaker 2:No, but see, that's the twist. Instead of you trying to kill Awkwafina so that you get the billion dollars For yourself, you're doing it for everybody else. But that's what automatically happens. You can only the players only play for charities.
Speaker 1:Sure Sure.
Speaker 2:And then that's the thing that switches it on its head.
Speaker 1:And then you're like I'm trying to do good here as you're trying to kill Awkwafina. You just don't like that. People like to murder for money. You got real problems with it. I know because people don't.
Speaker 2:People don't do that because people don't want to go to jail.
Speaker 1:Have you seen Die Hard Dan Okay. He's all about the money. What die hard. That's what it's about. He's stealing money and he kills people, for that's the bad guy. Yeah, the bad guy, but we love him no but that's the bad guy but we love. Do you not love him?
Speaker 2:so john mclean, he's. He's only protecting the nakatomi towers to make money. That's why he's doing it.
Speaker 1:John McClane McShame. You know what I mean. I'm over this guy.
Speaker 2:He's not the hero of the movie. Give me Hans Gruber any day of the week? Yeah, I don't think so. Okay, so then she's on the bus. She's on the bus. She has come back to town to become an actor again. She was in like a SpaghettiOsquares commercial and then she had to go and take care of her sick mom. We also find out that her dad was her manager, and then he stole all her money.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. It feels very real. To be honest with you, why is she on the bus? Oh well, I don't know the answer to that. Dan, she's got to get to her audition she's got to get to.
Speaker 2:Is that what it is? Is it an audition?
Speaker 1:yeah, so well, sort of, it's more like so, and I've done a bunch of these, by the way. So these are like the casting. Yeah, I they're uh, casting workshops, so basically a casting director or an agent or a manager or something, they will get together and they usually it's like a bunch of them, so you'll have like four or five in the room and you pay a bunch of money and then you get to go and do a read for them. Essentially, you do a scene for them and then they give you like written feedback and they say, hey, thanks for coming, we don't give a shit about you, see you later. Um, and it's one of the ways that you can get um, representation or just like kind of get yourself out there. You know, it's like it's a way to network, except for it costs you money, which everything in this town does it actually works sometimes uh, yeah, no, I actually, um, my first manager, that's how I got them.
Speaker 1:And then then listen to this shit, dan, here's a story for the ages.
Speaker 1:So I was doing like heavy, I was trying to get theatrical representation, I was doing these heavy, I signed I won't say any names, but I signed or I had a meeting with an agent after one of these things, and then I went to a second one the same day.
Speaker 1:That first agent who I met with was like hey, I want to hip pocket you, and what that means is is you don't sign a contract, but they will send you out on auditions until you book, and if you book, then you owe them a percentage, essentially. But I was more interested in a different agency, and that the next day, the other agency called my manager and was like, hey, we'd love to meet with Tony. And they were like no, he's already signed with this other agency, which I hadn't signed any papers. And then, uh, so I tried to call that agent back and they wouldn't take my call. I think they thought it was fake, I don't know. And then the first agent ended up being a piece of shit and I fired her within like a month and I've never been able to get back into that other agency, so sometimes things don't work out is my story.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe you should try to kill someone for money.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you, I will right now. Dan, do you have any money? I'll do it right now.
Speaker 2:No, we don't have any money. A couple hundred dollars.
Speaker 1:That's about it. You know what? That's enough for me. Hot dogs.
Speaker 2:So on the bus this dude is complaining about her daughter, and so Awkwafina goes over there and says I'm a cop, I hear you complaining about your daughter. You want me to run you in. Then she goes back to her seat. The guy's all afraid. And then there's this old lady and she's all like that's so good what you did, and she's all like you're a police officer. She's like, no, I'm actually an actor that's acting.
Speaker 1:Right, I have lots of questions. We don't need answers, but I'm just. What. Was she going to arrest him for being? A bad dad, I don't think that's against the law and I know that for sure being a bad dad.
Speaker 2:Being a bad dad, she wanted to put the fear of cops in him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just, you know, I didn't feel that, first of all, you weren't scared, I wasn wasn't scared, I wasn't intimidated. I also would have just been like what are you talking about, lady? Go sit on your side of the bus, miss. Oh yeah, off-duty cop on the bus. I don't think so. You know, get out of here, lady.
Speaker 2:It's super weird, doesn't make any sense if they can arrest tyreek hill, they can arrest this guy have you seen the video?
Speaker 1:not not to get too political like I don't know man. It's weird that one, that one guy is, he is angry at something, I don't know what it is we're talking.
Speaker 2:If you know we're gonna veer into football. This football player in miami got arrested, like outside the stadium on the way to the game. If I'm not wrong, you can see the stadium in the background, like On the way to the game. If I'm not wrong, you can see the stadium in the background he is like a block away from the stadium.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they've got him on the ground and he's like call Drew Rosen, call Drew Rosen, who's like literally the biggest agent in sports. Yeah, and he's like one of the highest paid players in sports, right.
Speaker 1:He sure is, and he went on to just destroy that day, by the way thank goodness, yeah it just.
Speaker 2:You're just like how does this happen in the world?
Speaker 1:it's so weird it's like I don't know they got my boy collate uh claise campbell over there like he just pulls over to try to help and be like hey, what's going's going on and they're screaming at him. Nicest guy in the world, it's wild stuff in Florida.
Speaker 2:We're in a weird world right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:So then the lady steals her watch and gets off the band and stole her watch. What?
Speaker 1:Did you?
Speaker 2:expect her to be a criminal.
Speaker 1:The old lady. No, because, because, oh, you did, yep, I'm like why?
Speaker 2:because not everyone is a criminal because this is a bad movie. I was like, oh, this is a scam, she's getting scammed. I was like, oh, it's a scam to to turn the tables on all of us. We're like, oh, this nice old lady's being her friend and I was like, oh, she's going to steal her bag.
Speaker 1:Here's my problem with it. What's?
Speaker 2:your problem.
Speaker 1:If that's a one-off gag, fine. But she comes back, this lady, this old lady comes back and is being sweet again and is like honey, take out the casserole. I got to go kill this lady. That is so much funnier if she's genuinely nice the first time you see her.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're absolutely right If she is a sweet, sweet old woman who's genuinely rooting for this girl and is like I'm in your corner, lady, and then, at the same time, is like I've got a casserole, but I'm going to go kill this bitch. That's funnier. But she's already a bad person. So what, I don't care. Of course she's gonna try to kill her for money. She stole her watch just for living. It's wrong, it's wrong.
Speaker 2:Uh, she gets off the bus. We sort of meet john cena. We sort of think he has some.
Speaker 1:He's sort of a not police but you know, a protection guy and but he's a ninja turtle fan this is when he's in his cellar right like doing whatever I just wrote john cena with a gun protected to earn that's all I wrote.
Speaker 1:I don't know what any of that means, but this is when I think we. I think the introduction to him is he's listening to the the ninja turtle rap while he's like cleaning his gun or something. Oh yeah, that sounds right, possible. So he's just. And then he's got two teenage or something. Oh yeah, that sounds right, possible. And then he's got two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures on the table next to him. Oh, and I want to like it. I desperately, as a huge Turtle fan, I want to love it.
Speaker 2:It doesn't make sense in the movie. You know why it doesn't make sense? Because they don't hit it enough. Sure I mean, they have one.
Speaker 1:At the end they have a nice callback where he does turtle power and slams the chair. That's nice, yeah, but there should be more stuff.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you need to hit that five Because I didn't get that. He was listening to the thing, I didn't see the action figures and that he was listening to the thing I didn't see the action figures and I pay attention to. I mean, you know I'm writing stuff down, so I missed some stuff, sure, sure.
Speaker 1:Well, I am also a guy who listens to the Ninja Turtle rap, so I recognized it immediately.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's like in Dodgeball when he goes over the girl's house for the first time and there's unicorns everywhere and you're just like okay, and she does like a bit. I mean, that was funny, you didn't expect that. You're just like yeah, oh, there's something.
Speaker 1:You know, this is a person that's going to be interesting yeah, like make him, I agree, make him obsessed with ninja turtles not just a fan of ninja turtles, but it's relatable, I get it. I've got action figures. I, you know I get it, I love it. I've got a poster somewhere. You can't see it. It's over here, but it doesn't define me, it doesn't. It's not a character trait, it's just.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm a fan of that and he's kind of a loser and so yeah you would connect to that, you being a loser, me and him very similar, very similar same guy rippling biceps. I mean, we're basically carbon copies of each other so she gets out uh, they're playing the beverly hills song, which is not. In beverly hills, crime is rampant. She has no idea about the lottery. She goes to her airbnb, which uh, there was one good joke where she's like this place has, everything smells like shit and it smells like pee or something like that. But it's a decent joke.
Speaker 1:I mean so you didn't like this lady either. I don't know who she is, the roommate. I think the roommate is funny, I think she had a couple of good, a couple of bangers in there.
Speaker 2:I think we'll see her again in a better movie where we're like oh, she's really funny. Oh yeah, definitely for sure.
Speaker 1:And I think that it would have worked better if her guy friend was better, because I don't think he's good at all. So it doesn't elevate her energy Because I liked how she comes in. But then when he comes in it gets muddled because I don't think he's very good so she's running an airbnb, you know, she sees the, the bed.
Speaker 2:She's like this isn't the photos. And then she's like well, of course it isn't this, you know different house.
Speaker 1:No one would stay here if we use these. I thought all that was funny, you know yeah, I got catfished by a house.
Speaker 2:I'm like that's a funny line true, her name is shoddy, and then she's like dj is here, and then they go out there and dj is a guy named dj who is a dj and he's her partner in crime. And then we do like, uh, she slaps her because she has like a thing that says she went to fight school, but she's all right.
Speaker 1:What does that mean? I don't.
Speaker 2:It's like really weird and thin and you're like, okay, so she's been to fight school, so we're sort of setting up that she knows how to fight, kind of a little.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But she, she fails at the very first thing to do with fighting big time Hardcore to do with fighting big time hardcore. Yeah, uh, john cena's out there driving. We see this big ad with simo liu and he runs a company that basically is going to protect you when you're on lottery thing. Yeah, and then we're going to find out that john cena also does that, but he's kind of freelance yeah, yeah, his commercial's weird did he run? Did he have a commercial?
Speaker 1:at some point. I don't know I don't remember where it is in the movie, but yeah, he's got like a little commercial and he's like, hey, I'm this guy. Are people trying to kill you? I'll save you. There it is essentially her name is katie.
Speaker 2:Uh, so katie goes to this thing we're talking, which is this, where she's in front of a casting guy and it's Michael Michael Hitchcock. Yes, michael Hitchcock. Um, they say some jokes there again.
Speaker 1:Their best joke was in the credits.
Speaker 2:Oh, there it is. So what happens is they're about to announce the lottery. She reaches in the jacket. Oh, she had to get clothing because shit dripped on her in the apartment. I don't want to talk about that. Tony loved that.
Speaker 1:I did not like that joke at all. Didn't she lick it? Did she lick the shit? Yeah, like landed on her face. Is this funny, Dan? Is this funny? Tell me.
Speaker 2:I'm going to tell you something about shit, Tony well, is this funny, tell me, I'm gonna tell you something about shit, tony.
Speaker 1:Okay, I can't wait to hear it. Shit has two primary properties. Okay, yeah, brown, yeah, fucking smells like shit horrible, horrible.
Speaker 2:It's awful. If you had shit tripping from the ceiling, you would be fucking leaving that room and never returning to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you would know immediately when you walked in. You wouldn't even have to walk in. You'd enter the house and be like one of these rooms is full of shit. I don't know where it is, but it's bad.
Speaker 2:Sometimes our dog in the middle of the night will be a dog and she'll creep out to the living room and do a little bit of business and like. And she'll creep out to the living room and do a little bit of business and like. When I wake up in the morning and I mean, this is, she's a small dog teeny tiny sweet little baby I'll be like oh man did it again and this is not liquefied shit dripping into your mouth. Tony loves that image liquefied shit dripping into his mouth.
Speaker 1:I don't like it. I don't like it and I shouldn't have to see it in my movies, but it's kind of sexy. Nope, nope, nope.
Speaker 2:So she reaches into the pocket and Shadi has left a lottery card in there, and then you activate it by doing a thumbprint and she activates it at the exact moment that the lottery goes off.
Speaker 1:Which is all very confusing. Anyone could find and put their thumb on it. Yep.
Speaker 2:You have to do it at the exact moment.
Speaker 1:Why.
Speaker 2:I don't understand, because everybody's going to come together and activate it at the exact same moment.
Speaker 1:I guess we're all in it together. We're all in it together, we're all in this together.
Speaker 2:More importantly, it's a billion dollars, Like how many people have to. This is just for Los Angeles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, dan. It doesn't make any sense. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. I don't understand. Listen, we've never had that big of a jackpot. I don't think, I don't know, I have no idea.
Speaker 2:So then all the other girls that were at the audition thing try and kill her, then a whole Kung Fu class tries to kill her, then a whole yoga class tries to kill her, and then John Cena comes through the roof whole yoga class tries to kill her, and then john cena comes through the roof.
Speaker 1:How did he come through the roof?
Speaker 2:um, because he's heavy how did he know she was there?
Speaker 1:I wouldn't worry about that because, yeah, the drone hasn't even happened yet I wouldn't worry about that.
Speaker 2:He makes his big entrance through the roof and we don't know how he figured out she was there, and I wouldn't worry about that. He makes this big entrance through the roof and we don't know how he figured out she was there, and I wouldn't worry about that. Well, I was like what is happening? How is he doing this? Why is he doing?
Speaker 1:this? That's a great question because again, she's tracked by a drone eventually. But john cena, one of his first lines to her is the drone's coming in like X amount of minutes we gotta go. I think it's every 14 minutes or something. Yeah, so how did he get there?
Speaker 2:And how did he know to go through a roof? And how do you go through a roof? I could go through a roof. No, you couldn't.
Speaker 1:I went through a floor, dan, I fell through my laundry room floor into shit, so I could do it but was it sexy and it did it was not sexy at all, by the way still not fixed.
Speaker 1:That was three weeks ago, it's there's still a hole. I don't understand what's happening in this place. So real quick, dan. The largest jackpot in us history was 2.04 billion dollars on a powerball ticket in california. Oh well, there you go, so on november 7th 2022. But the question is, how many times did that roll over? I it had to have been a bunch, because it was the biggest one of all time.
Speaker 2:So I don't know and I don't know that this, this thing can roll over you just get it, you get it and then you murder people. Yeah, I don't know, that's the thing about the lottery is somebody has to pick it. Okay, john Cena beats up all these people. At one point he is whipping a guy in the ass with a belt. I like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's pretty good, I was into that.
Speaker 2:Then they escape in the car and then he explains the whole premise of the movie yeah which exposition which we already sort of knew.
Speaker 1:We already know almost all of it, to be honest with you.
Speaker 2:So now, now he has to explain he has to now explain the movie that we've been watching and understanding what's happening to a character that is in the midst of it.
Speaker 1:That is correct. Yeah, all in between a wonderful jokes about, uh, helmet safety. So I like that, you like the helmet safety jokes. I thought, dude, I thought it was funny. Yeah, and then, like you know, john cena's giant face inside of a tiny helmet, I thought that was a funny visual.
Speaker 2:Okay. Then he explains to quit you have to leave the city, and then motorcycles get on them Still doesn't make any sense, so we have a motorcycle thing, we have smoke. She makes one joke, says your face looks like an ear. It's a good joke, but it didn't land, is it a?
Speaker 1:good joke. I don't know, I believe you. If you believe it, I believe you. I didn't find it funny.
Speaker 2:What if I said Tony, your face looks like a thumbprint.
Speaker 1:First of all, you actually might not be wrong. I got a lot of creases up here and I got my beard. You're because I got a lot of creases up here and I got my beard. You're probably right.
Speaker 2:If we were working on it I'd say, tony, your face looks like a thumbprint, all those creases you get more and more every day, so you look like an old man's thumbprint.
Speaker 1:How does it feel to look like an old man's thumbprint?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good If I spit ink all over your face? What would happen if I put you in the wall?
Speaker 1:Right, stick it up, that's how a joke works. Well, they do a better one with the bulldog face later, yeah, where she says you look like a bulldog that a witch cursed into being a human against their will, or whatever. The joke was that one's good into being a human against their will, or whatever the joke was, that one's good. They both can't exist because bulldogs and ears don't look similar, dan. I don't know if you've ever looked at those two things, so I don't even understand why they're both in the movie.
Speaker 2:Well, that has to be a pattern, right? She's always doing that. Look at that guy.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:That guy looks like a X, x, y, z. Yeah, she's like you. Look like an ear, yeah. Maybe, maybe you look like a bulldog, maybe you're like a bulldog. That's my witch. Who was that which? Why did she do that to you? You have to, you have to. Here's a joke, here's a joke, here's a joke.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, throw it, let it land somewhere.
Speaker 2:We don't the jokes never build the character that's making the jokes right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Like.
Speaker 2:I make jokes that make me seem like I'm an asshole.
Speaker 1:I don't know if seem is the right word, Proof maybe Solidify. I'm a giant asshole.
Speaker 2:Because that's what it is, I you know, as opposed to some people who do self Deprecating jokes.
Speaker 1:First of all, that was a terrible, terrible self deprecating. That's not what we do, and, tony, terrible, terrible self-deprecating.
Speaker 2:That's not what we do, and Tony can't do characters. I can do a character. He can't do accents.
Speaker 1:I cannot do accents. Okay, that's true, don't stop me from trying.
Speaker 2:So we do the motorcycles, then we stop the motorcycles, then we do the motorcycles, then we stop the motorcycles, then we do the motorcycles a second time. Yeah, great, can never have too many of those and now we start this whole thing like why he's doing it and I don't know, why does he protect these people?
Speaker 1:uh, because bad things happen yeah, yeah, because he was a bad guy and now he's like making amends by helping other people or something.
Speaker 2:So she now sort of sets this whole thing where she doesn't trust him exactly at times, but completely trusts him at times.
Speaker 1:At other times.
Speaker 2:And it's just when they want her to leave his presence, she stops trusting him. It's not ever anything that happens.
Speaker 1:No, of course not. That would make too much sense. You can't. Can't make too much sense, you can't do that they abandon the car.
Speaker 2:She runs away. They break his nose. They put his nose back.
Speaker 1:This is my favorite part of the movie. They break his nose Right before that. What happens? He's talking to her and she's like kneeling on the ground or something and he's trying to be kind and she grabs some dirt, throws it in his face and he goes ah, you dirt faced me. I laughed so hard.
Speaker 1:I don't think I've laughed yet in this movie, but that line killed me. I thought that was a wonderful moment. I've laughed yet in this movie, but that line killed me. I thought that was a wonderful moment. I've never heard it just called dirt, faced me. It was really good, that was really funny.
Speaker 2:You didn't laugh when the shit dripped in her mouth.
Speaker 1:You know, I didn't. I got real, mad real quick.
Speaker 2:So she goes into a wax museum and and then she calls Shoddy for some reason, and then Shoddy's outside.
Speaker 1:Why is the wax museum so bad? What is the joke about?
Speaker 2:that? Oh, because it's supposed to be Hollywood Boulevard and they have the wax museum.
Speaker 1:Right, but that wax museum is pretty good. You ever been in it? No, you've never been in Madame Tussauds wax museum. Why would I go to a wax?
Speaker 2:museum.
Speaker 1:It's a state. Well, I guess you grew up here, so maybe it's like that was like one of the first things I did when I moved here, because you know about it. It's Hollywood Boulevard. You do the Walk of Fame, you go in the wax museum. It's, you go in the wax museum. It's like a, it's a thing, it's a tradition. Uh, it's not that bad. I don't know like some of them look pretty good. These didn't look anything like anybody. I didn't understand it.
Speaker 2:I didn't get the joke that your critique of the movie is that the wax museum figures did not look good enough why did they?
Speaker 1:it's not good enough, looked terrible.
Speaker 2:They looked nothing like these people, I'm going to tell you something. Tony, that's the joke of wax museums that the people in the wax museums don't look like the people. That's the joke.
Speaker 1:Is that a? Is it Because? Super joke. I think you can, I think you Listen. I think, if you went in there, dan, I'm going in there and we're going to have you guess who they are without seeing the name plates.
Speaker 2:I think you can do it On either Facebook or Instagram. This week I've had multiple Wax Museum things where you look at the figure and you're like this does not look like the person Multiple. Just today my buddy posted one.
Speaker 1:What is wrong with your algorithm? That? That's what's popping up for you, Dan.
Speaker 2:What is right with your algorithm? That? That's what's popping up for you, Dan. What is?
Speaker 1:right with my algorithm.
Speaker 2:One was a Star Trek Movie Land Wax Museum Star Trek one where you take your picture. And there was like this really weird spark. And then the other one was like. They were like who do you think this is this wax museum figure is? You were like is it Liza Minnelli?
Speaker 1:You were trying to guess.
Speaker 2:And then it turned out to be something really weird.
Speaker 1:like Richard Simmons, you were like oh man, that's not good. Well, all right, I guess I just don't know my wax museums very well, you don't know that's like basic humor that you should understand. Well listen, the only wax museum I know is from House of Wax and they take real people and just pour wax over their faces. They look like people.
Speaker 2:Didn't you ever see the Wait? What was the movie? Was it Wax Museum and the Greatest Showman?
Speaker 1:Oh man, I don't know, I don't remember, I guess.
Speaker 2:I'll have to re-watch that movie. Why, oh no, you've got to watch. Jenny Nicholson's takedown of that movie is that's like but what about the musical numbers, Dan? Oh yeah, they're great. No, very bad.
Speaker 1:No, hold on. This is me. That's great, that's good.
Speaker 2:See, I'm an old school musicals guy so I hate anything past like the late 70s.
Speaker 1:Uh moulin rouge that was.
Speaker 2:That one was good, that was good, that was good.
Speaker 1:I was also pretty good dan I love that movie I don't like the beautiful elephant that they're dancing on singing to each other.
Speaker 2:I love it.
Speaker 1:Oh, you said it, I love it oh, I'm sorry, I was talking while you were saying stuff I watched that I.
Speaker 2:That's one of the scenes. That's one of the scenes I watch all the time.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Where they're dancing on the elephant. We could be heroes, just for one day. One day, oh. That pauses the credits.
Speaker 1:It's so good, it's so so good yeah.
Speaker 2:No, I like some music. There's a lot of music.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I get it Wax Museum.
Speaker 2:the guy from the Office is there.
Speaker 1:He's like oh, I'm going to protect you. You mean the guy from the Cheerios commercials. That's what I know him from, because I don't watch the Office.
Speaker 2:Wasn't he in the Office?
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was in the Office. I just don't watch the Office, so I know him from the Cheerios commercials that he does. Now you haven't seen the Office. I mean I've seen it like a little bit. I'm not a fan, dwight Schrute Eh, not a fan.
Speaker 2:You don't like.
Speaker 1:Rainn Wilson.
Speaker 2:We were watching something the other day and I was like you know who'd have been better in this role? Rainn Wilson, Rainn Wilson.
Speaker 1:I don't think I've ever said those words in my life, Dan, and it was like you were out of your mind.
Speaker 2:So Shadi goes to the museum. They fight in the museum. She locks her in the museum. They escape in a cop car. Then they have to fight against a bus. Then they go. Where do they go? To Tony.
Speaker 1:Oh geez, oh geez. They go to tony, they go jeez, ah jeez. They go to mgk's mansion. That is machine gun kelly, uh, one of the greatest musicians of our time. Um, I will say just real quick, on a slight tangent tan, I did read some reviews on rotten tomatoes because I loved I love to just see what people said. And one guy was so mad that Machine Gun Kelly was in this movie. He was like as soon as they showed up to Machine Gun Kelly I turned this movie off. I don't need any fake musicians in my movies. I thought that was just the funniest thing I'd ever heard. So kudos to you, sir. Stick to your guns. I appreciate you. Did you know it was machine gun kelly? Of course I know I've I.
Speaker 2:So full disclosure I am a machine gun kelly fan but mostly in his pop punk era.
Speaker 1:Right, uh like I read, tickets to my downfall is a good album and if you don't think it's a good album, you're lying to yourself just because you're mad, because this, you know, hardcore hip-hop wannabe guy went pop punk. Get over it. It's a great album and it was mainstream. Okay, we're bringing pop punk back to the mainstream and I love it. What are we talking about?
Speaker 2:well that you recognize who he was. I was like I knew him right away.
Speaker 1:I was like what is?
Speaker 2:this and then, at a certain point, I think they must have said his name, but they took a while to say his name?
Speaker 1:Well, because they think you know him Dan. It's Machine Gun, kelly. Exactly, you know who he is.
Speaker 2:All right, and this is like people in 10 years of me watching this movie. They're like who the fuck is that? Who is this?
Speaker 1:guy what happened? And then I get to be like, well, check this album out and I have it on a vinyl, so don't worry.
Speaker 2:Even better. And then we do a whole thing where they set up that he has an escape room. Panic room. I keep calling it an escape room, so they get into the escape room.
Speaker 1:Dan, it's the opposite of it. You can't escape the room. That's the whole point of it.
Speaker 2:So they knock him out and then they go in there, and then they have to wake him up to get in there, and then they wake him up and they get the code, which is 6969. Oh, that's such a good joke. I laughed for a day, and then they just sort of fight their way out.
Speaker 1:Well, they call Simu Liu's company.
Speaker 2:Oh, they call his company.
Speaker 1:And he authorizes a phone strike, yes, which apparently explodes your phone Everybody's phones. Yes, I don't get it.
Speaker 2:And then John Cena kicks a guy in the dick a lot because his dick is on fire.
Speaker 1:And yeah, I mean it's funny because he keeps saying I'm helping you, I'm helping you, but I don't know it didn't work. I like the idea and there's something there. I just the execution was off because I didn't find it that funny.
Speaker 2:Now is this the point where the movie starts like turning into like all about shit jokes, fart jokes, anal jokes.
Speaker 1:Do you not remember the shit falling from the ceiling? We have been down this rabbit hole for a while. Dan but now all the characters start making these jokes yeah, no, you're right. No, it devolves. Yeah, real quickly it's really weird.
Speaker 2:It's almost like they were like well, we got to find a way to push the boundaries. Oh more anal jokes, You're like oh, more anal jokes.
Speaker 1:I don't need them.
Speaker 2:So they come and they pick him. So Simu Liu's people come and save them and take them away to his compound.
Speaker 1:I take them away to his compound and there's a weird joke in here where she's like I'm not going anywhere with you. Jason Momoa looking motherfuckers. Yes, Do any of them look anything like Jason Momoa? I?
Speaker 2:don't think so.
Speaker 1:I don't think so either. So is this a line that was written before they shot the movie and they were like, eh, we don't need to change it, it'll be fine.
Speaker 2:Well, I think what happens is on a Paul Feig set you riff, you're like joke, joke, joke, joke, joke.
Speaker 1:I mean it definitely does feel like there's a lot of improvisation to the detriment of the movie. Then they keep the best ones. I don't know if that's true. Did they Because there were funnier jokes in the outtakes than there were in this movie? I don't think they kept the best ones. But I also don't feel like you had strong enough performers to do that. Like in a Will Ferrell movie, you get away with it, right, anchorman, it works because you have seven people that are all at the top of their game. We've got Awkwafina, we've got a wrestler and you know, and then a funny side character in the roommate who I think again, I think is pretty funny and she's going to go on to good things. But I don't think Awkwafina has the chops for that, and John Cena love that guy to death. I don't think he has the brains for I don't think that he's firing on enough cylinders to keep up with that sort of thing. So I just, I just don't feel like it. I don't feel like it works.
Speaker 2:John Cena. I think you have to give him a, you know, like peacemaker in in whatchamacallit yeah the DCU. Here's your characters. You know, here's your character. He's like I would eat a bag of dicks. I would eat every dick off the beach if it was, you know, about protecting democracy. You're like and he delivers that line Great, it's great. It's a perfectly crafted line. And then gets in an argument with what's his name. Who's a freaking great actor. You're like this is great. These guys are both acting. They have characters.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and Awkwafina, she doesn't have a character. No, what's her character?
Speaker 1:I don't know who she is Awkwafina that, no, what's her character?
Speaker 2:I don't know who she is. Aquafina, that's the answer. I'm a wisecracking, aquafina. I'm like, okay, that's fine yeah.
Speaker 1:Is it? It's not great.
Speaker 2:It's not great. So they go there, they go to his compound and they go through a whole bargaining thing about how much they're going to pay and how much he's going to get.
Speaker 1:And you're just like no, it doesn't make any sense, dan. So she's gonna pay simu 30, I don't know. And she's like, hey, but how much does john cena get what? Why can't, wouldn't she just give him more, more? Why do they have to give him money? He's already got a contract with her at 10%. Right, like you're already giving him 10%.
Speaker 2:No. And then they act like he's not even getting that 10%. He thought he was being dismissed and it's like no you have a contract, you signed it.
Speaker 1:You put your thumbprint on it. That's a binding contract in the state of Los Angeles State. Ah shit, print on it. That's a binding contract in the state of los angeles state. Ah, shit, anya. Uh, I don't know. It doesn't make any sense why. I don't know why it's even in the movie well, and more importantly, what is it?
Speaker 1:it's bargaining it's bargaining, but it's even worse than bargaining because you end up with a bargain that doesn't make any freaking sense. So, like I just watched you bargain for four minutes and come to a conclusion where I'm like what? I don't even.
Speaker 2:Let's go back, guys you don't even know what it is, because he's getting, he's getting 50 of 30, or he's getting 30 and they're getting 30 and she's getting 40. I don't really know what the percentages are I have no idea.
Speaker 1:I need a pie chart. I need a pie chart right now, guys. Someone draw it up and you see, that's where comedy comes in.
Speaker 2:If I'm sitting there, thank God the incredible comedic writer, I'd be like we got a new pie chart.
Speaker 1:Pie chart would be great here. I think that's very funny.
Speaker 2:See Malia rolls out a whiteboard. He's like here we go 100%. Now are you saying that I'm getting 30%? He's getting 30% of this.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no. Take your pie, cut your pie in 30%.
Speaker 2:That could be fun. And then John Cena's like well, I already have a contract for 10%. He puts the 10% on it.
Speaker 1:And he's like well, am I?
Speaker 2:getting See. That's the thing. This movie doesn't understand what its comedic scenes are. It doesn't have comedic scenes. Well, sure, yeah, and that's what a movie like this needs.
Speaker 1:An action comedy needs comedic scenes. I don't know, dan, that's a stretch.
Speaker 2:Okay, they do a doctor thing, we have more quiet time. They're like how are you gonna spend your money? We, oh, we do. The whole. John cena was mercenaries and he'd see him work together and then he quit being mercenaries and all his people got killed and so he makes the money to pay back the families of the people and you're like, hold on a second, you're taking care of like 10 families. How much money? You're not making that much money he.
Speaker 1:Well. If he's protecting billionaire, well, I guess you're right. This is the biggest one. I don't know, has he said that he's ever been successful at this before? Yeah, he said he saved a few and like he said it modestly too, so it sounds like there's been quite a few, I think I guess, I don know. It's hard to be sure. I don't know that. Yeah, it's hard.
Speaker 2:Right, I get it. You know, if he pulls down a thing and there's seven pictures, he's like, yeah, those are the seven people I saved. She's like and you're driving this shitbag car and he's like I live modestly. You know, make character, Make a character.
Speaker 1:Well, he likes Ninja Turtles, so there's your character.
Speaker 2:Dan. He's playing John Cena and she's playing Awkwafina. That's it. They're not playing characters, they're just like I'm the guy that appears in these movies. So I can act like the guy in the movies.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, so they put her in a prosthetics machine and she comes out looking like an old man. Okay, so they put her in a prosthetics machine and she comes out looking like an old man sort of it looks terrible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. I didn't get it. I didn't get the joke, so they are able to leave.
Speaker 2:There's like cars going in different directions. She gets in one and I don't even know where john c is well.
Speaker 1:So they figure out. You stop paying attention to this movie. They figure out that simu lu is actually killing the jackpot winners yes, and pretending they're not, but collecting the money anonymously, and that's how they're funding this operation. So they actually escape and they take one of the decoys, or she gets in one of the decoys and John Cena gets captured, and then they begin torturing him. Straight up. Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2:Why were they torturing him?
Speaker 1:it's because they think that Aquafina will hand herself over to save John Cena. So they're like other on a video call and he's like shooting him in the leg or something. It's like come back, we're all kill him.
Speaker 2:So she turns back and they go to the meeting place. So that that works. She cares, she cares about him. They meet in a closed theater.
Speaker 1:then we do some lacroix water jokes look, lacroix, lacroix, water jokes, yeah, which um pretty funny. I thought that was pretty funny and we made we make fun of local theater. Yeah, I didn't like that as much, not that I. I don't like local theater, like regional theater generally. Not that great right. Wow, why are you shitting on the little guy? You are a multi-million dollar film.
Speaker 2:Don't punch down because how funny the film is.
Speaker 1:That's why oh, I forgot. I you know, when I was thinking about that, I forgot how funny the movie is. You're right, you got to punch down. When you're being that funny, you've already taken out all the people above and on your level, so you got to punch down now, yep, there's no one above you. Nobody above me, no one on my level. It's all punching down.
Speaker 2:That's how I live my comedic life.
Speaker 1:Well, I believe it, dan, You've earned it.
Speaker 2:I mean, who is there? It's funnier than I am.
Speaker 1:Awkwafina, you know for one that's called a diss. I gotcha Jesus man.
Speaker 2:Hope no shit drips in my mouth. Oh my god. Okay, so we find out that Simu actually had his team killed and so it's actually all his fault. So, john Cena, it's not his fault. And then Agafina's like I'm going to kill myself unless you let him go. Yeah, weird little moment oh man, I met him today. Oh, and then she gives a line I met him today and that's my best relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:How do you have a life without any relationships, right? Well, because her mom died.
Speaker 1:That was her only relationship.
Speaker 2:I mean, she doesn't have any friends.
Speaker 1:Have you met her, dan? Would you be friends with her? I'm sorry that was rude. Wow, I'm sorry, jesus, tony, I came too hard. I apologize. I'm going to back up. That's horrible.
Speaker 2:I mean just like the whole idea that I've never had, you know, have her like you know. It's like you're like the dad I never had. I'm like I'll buy that, not that I have no friends. You're like you know, it's like I've always been looking for somebody that like, is like, who could be like a dad that I could trust. That's the other thing about this movie is you always know that he's going to do everything to protect her and he's never going to turn on her yeah.
Speaker 2:And the whole idea of this movie has to be you're afraid he's going to turn on her.
Speaker 1:You have to live on that edge. Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah, that's all you have. That's where the tension of the movie needs to come from.
Speaker 2:That's and then it could be. Then it's not about money, it funny, it's about trust. Who do you trust? Who can she trust? She's like I can't trust you and he's like you gotta trust me and then you're like, but I don't trust him.
Speaker 1:But then he has to be, he has to do something that's a little shady, but you but also, like you know it, it was probably right, but you don't know. And then he's like you gotta trust me. And he's got a little look in his eyes and you're like, oh shit, he's bad. But then he'll come back later and he'll save the day. And you're like, wait, he's good.
Speaker 2:And that's why you have to not have an actual contract. You have to make it like you're going to give me 10%, right?
Speaker 1:Right, because once it's a contract.
Speaker 2:You're like, well, if I was going to make that contract and I was really going to protect you, it would say in there that I can't kill you, right, yeah, that would be a smart move. Yeah, yeah, you'd have to do that, okay, then, um, everybody comes and they all fight. Is that what happens?
Speaker 1:sunshine, more or less. There's just like a bunch of people fighting, but then there's also people that are on her side, I guess.
Speaker 2:I don't know oh, he's tied to a chair and so he has to do turtle time to get out of the chair.
Speaker 1:Yeah, turtle power. And he does like a cool somersault, smashes the chair.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wrote only good thing in the movie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there it is. Yeah, that and Dirt-Faced. Yeah, those are the two. Good, those are the two highlights in the movie.
Speaker 2:for me, Two highlights in the movie for me, katie fights Shardy and then beats her up and then says you better call your mom back, because the mom kept calling and then Shardy kept saying terrible things to her mom. Those jokes were funny and I thought it was funny that she told her to call her mom back.
Speaker 1:Okay, Sure, it's great.
Speaker 2:Then there's a rocket and so we spend four minutes climbing up this rocket. And then we have a scaffolding. And then we have a scaffolding and then she kicks one lady off who falls to her death. I'm like that's cool, that's cool. And then she falls off to her death, but she doesn't die. And then she pulled one of Simu Liu's grenades, because he showed four grenades in his thing.
Speaker 1:And then she kills him, he blows up and she doesn't die because a bunch of her fans catch her with, um, some sort of blanket or something yeah, and now everyone's her fans because they've been watching her and based on yeah nothing she's done or said they love her, as opposed to wanting to kill her for money, like everyone in the movie wanted to before for no reason or for money. That is correct. Yeah, doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2:And then the guy comes with the check and then this says I'm leaving LA. I don't want to be an actor. What does she want to be instead of an actor? I don't know, I don't want to be an actor. What does she want to be instead of an actor?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I think I stopped listening.
Speaker 2:They want to help people, so they open a school and a turtle restaurant and then they get sued.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't understand that part of it. That was the end of the movie.
Speaker 2:And then they're on a boat or on a beach and then they're like we're terrible people now and they say a bunch of terrible things they're doing and they become terrible people because they're rich. Yeah, and that's how it ends with them saying they're terrible people because they're rich. Yep, great, our characters. That we spent almost. Oh, I never said how long the movie was Hour 46.
Speaker 1:People that we spent almost. Oh, I never said how long the movie was Hour 46.
Speaker 2:These people that we spent an hour and 35 minutes of run time in there are now terrible people, and that's funny because rich people are terrible.
Speaker 1:Which is weird because John Cena's character has gotten lots of money several times supposedly. Yeah, Never 50%. I get that, I guess, but I don't know man.
Speaker 2:This has changed him. It don't make no sense, or maybe it's just a reversal, which is that's what you do with jokes. You just do reversals, and that's why I don't like Amy Schumer.
Speaker 1:Talk about reversals.
Speaker 2:Bam, you got ity schumer, I watched one of her comedy specials and all of her things were just like reversal. She's all like I'm a real nice person but I'm a terrible person. Everyone laughs yeah, and I mean I don't know, you're like, I like, why don't you actually tell us something about you or your life? That is funny as opposed to just saying I'm this way but I'm not Gotcha and it's like she. I think she's a gifted comedian at times.
Speaker 1:Sure yeah.
Speaker 2:But like that one, that one special, at least the one I watched, I was like ah, that sucks.
Speaker 1:Yes, no, I don't know, I don't really watch her stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's too bad, but she was good in Trainwrecked.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I have to watch it again. I enjoyed that movie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you should watch it again. You know who was good in that movie LeBron James.
Speaker 2:He was great and Bill Hader's great in it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, I mean Hader, Hader's Hader.
Speaker 2:Hader's hater.
Speaker 1:Hater's great. And then we have a bunch of outtakes, some of which are funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always worth sticking around for those, I think you know.
Speaker 2:Dan, that's jackpot. That's jackpot, with an exclamation point.
Speaker 1:Oh, I forgot about that Jackpot.
Speaker 2:So now we talk about what's been going on. Tony and I haven't talked to each other in like days and days.
Speaker 1:It's been a while.
Speaker 2:I've watched four movies oh my God, Dan, good for you and I rewatched the entirety of Station Eleven, which is 10 episodes.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, You're so obsessed with that show 50 minutes an episode, I watched every minute.
Speaker 2:So I watched 500, obsessed with that show. 50 minutes an episode, I watched every minute, so I watched 500 minutes of a show, at least 500 minutes of a show, which is.
Speaker 1:What is that?
Speaker 2:12 hours, 14 hours, 17 hours. I don't even know how I did it. I was like I think I did it in two days. I was just like I'm watching this entire show.
Speaker 1:Just sit down. Boom, let it roll.
Speaker 2:I would watch like 10 minutes of Jackpot and then I would watch Go watch a full episode, two and a half hours of Station Eleven, but also watched Rebel.
Speaker 1:Ridge. Ooh, how's that? That's on my list, oh no.
Speaker 2:I fast forwarded it at a certain point.
Speaker 1:Oh boy, oh no. I was ready to love it certain point. Oh boy, oh no.
Speaker 2:I was ready to love it. Okay, ready to love it, so am.
Speaker 1:I, so I guess my expectations are a little leveled. Dude's great Dude is great Dude is great, I mean that'll be fun to watch.
Speaker 2:I hope he gets a much, much better movie. He will Very similar to what's his name who's the world's biggest beefy man that has his series.
Speaker 1:that they did too that Tom Cruise played that character before. Oh yeah, okay yeah. Jack Reacher, yeah, why can't I think of his name?
Speaker 2:Similar Alan somebody. Yeah, oh, there's Shannon being funny. I turned off the light. It's just hilarious. I'm the comedian in the family Shannon.
Speaker 1:Yes, I just remembered something we tried to watch.
Speaker 2:What did we try to watch?
Speaker 1:It was something from Tony's Voodoo.
Speaker 2:We tried to watch something else from Tony's Voodoo yeah, that horrible movie. You said you wanted to watch Gore or something. Oh, that's it. Hold on. Don't say that, hold on. That's the other movie I haven't watched.
Speaker 1:Alan Richeson.
Speaker 2:It was horrible. It was horrible. No, stop talking. Okay, rebel Ridge, turn that back on. God damn it. Curse you, woman. Curse you, curse you, curse you woman Curse, you Curse you Curse, you woman.
Speaker 1:It's a Halloween show now.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, we watched the Deliverance. I fell asleep during the end of that.
Speaker 1:Okay, so basically, you watched a bunch of things and none of them were great. Is that where this story is going? Just calm down. Tony, I'll just ride. I'm taking the ride with you, let's go. I watched Dread. Oh, did you not like it? I love Dread. Thumbs up Great movie. Yeah, Dread is awesome.
Speaker 2:So nice, just like with such a palate cleanser. You're just like they go to a place. Thing happens.
Speaker 1:Shoot some shit, and that's the whole movie Carl. Urban being a badass.
Speaker 2:Yes, please Never takes off the helmet Never once Beautiful. That man, I love that man. I don't think I'll ever be able to say we watched. What was he? And he was in Doom and he was good in that right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was probably the best part of it.
Speaker 2:I'm like this is a dude who cares about movies. Dude who cares about movies.
Speaker 1:Nah, he's great. Carl O'Brien's the best.
Speaker 2:Shannon and I together watched your Twisters movie.
Speaker 1:Oh, you watched Twisters.
Speaker 2:What a woke piece of garbage. Oh my God.
Speaker 1:It's funny because a lot of people are like, oh, it's not woke enough. Everyone's mad because they don't make climate change the point of the movie.
Speaker 2:I mean it's like the ultimate girl boss movie. I was just like what is happening with this movie.
Speaker 1:Did you not see Glenn Powell in?
Speaker 2:this movie? Yeah, no, I saw him when he got out of his truck. I was like, oh my God, tony's losing his mind.
Speaker 1:Got to go take a cold shower. I'm watching it in the shower, okay, dan.
Speaker 2:Stop, he's great. I thought the girl was fine, but you know, yeah, Daisy Edgar Jones Like you know when you're like oh, we're selling the T-shirts to make the money to pay for the people whose things are falling on the site.
Speaker 1:They're good people helping people.
Speaker 2:How dare you that movie's perfect that?
Speaker 1:movie is perfect.
Speaker 2:I'm not moving my truck from the airport, Paul Scheer. I'm going to click the button and the things are going to go in the ground and you can't move. It's so jarring.
Speaker 1:When Paul Scheer shows up in that window You're like what movie am I in? Why is he here right now? He's too big of a name to just be a random joke in a movie. Like it's too weird. Also, he's arrested right, like just straight up, you can't drill into the ground at the airport. Up, you can't drill into the ground at the airport. No, you can't drill into the ground. I love it. I love this movie.
Speaker 2:It was just so the sensibilities were of another time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a 10 out of 10. It's a 90s movie and it's beautiful.
Speaker 2:And the last movie started Psycho Gorman.
Speaker 1:You started, you quit.
Speaker 2:Oh no, I have to stop Psycho Garmin, because they have made a movie for me. What they did was someone decided in the universe to say what is it? What is a movie that Dan Goodsell will love? Every fucking joke in the movie. Shannon did not care for it.
Speaker 1:I heard that. I heard she was not a fan. I love Psycho Garmin. I've got the shirt. I told you I've got was not a fan.
Speaker 2:I love Psycho. Gorman, I've got the shirt. I told you.
Speaker 1:I've got a shirt from it. Naomi bought me a shirt because I loved it so much, oh my God, I got to go back and finish it. Yes, you do.
Speaker 2:As you can see from my memory, not remembering the last movie, I of course immediately forget that I need to finish it. But they're just like so you know, like when they just you know, when he starts like monologuing, I'm just like, oh, this is the greatest thing ever, you know he starts monologuing, then I did this, and then the little girl's like shut up. I'm like, oh my God, I love that little girl so much.
Speaker 2:She's great, she's great and I just the interaction between her and the brother, where she like, dominates him and he lets her dominate him. I'm like this is a dynamic, I believe, the dad and mom dynamic, these are all dynamics, I believe. And that's why it's such a good movie is because the dynamics are real and they're not just cliche.
Speaker 1:Let me just throw.
Speaker 2:You know, with that one guy. They knock him over. Does his face like please kill me.
Speaker 1:I'm like no, it's great. I'm glad you finally did it. Well, I'm I'm working on it so psycho gorman. Well, yeah, I mean, you started it.
Speaker 2:I'm proud of you I know that's why I was like. I wrote down the other four and then I was like man. But there was one movie I watched that I totally loved what was, and that was I didn't go to voodoo to see what movies I started on there.
Speaker 1:So sure, thank god, shannon was there to tell you, shannon brought home.
Speaker 2:Okay, tony, what did you like? You know, I watched like I watched five movies and a 10 part miniseries. What did you watch I? I listened to it I listened to an album. Well, whom did I? Did I listen to a new?
Speaker 1:yeah, I did listen to an album. Wow, did I? Did I listen to a new album? Yeah, I did listen to an album, because Disney just released their pop punk cover album called A Whole New Sound. It's great. Everyone should go check it out. Oh my God, love that album. Please, very fun, kill yourself. I watched. I mean this is not my answer, but I just want you to know what I did. Oh, over the last week I watched three seasons of designated survivor the keifer sutherland show. That came out, you know, eight, ten years ago. He, he is uh, he's a member of congress and he's the designated survivor during the state of the union state union blows up and he's the designated survivor during the state of the union.
Speaker 1:State of the union blows up and he's like he becomes president by default. First season I love okay, loved the first season. It's, you know, it's a political mystery and he's learning how to be president, but there's also a conspiracy and it's one storyline through the whole season. It's really great. It's not. It's not like oh, it's a great show, but it's like it's drama. It's everything I love in a show.
Speaker 1:The second season is horrible, dan, it is. It is awful. It's so bad and it's so different from the first season. It's like it becomes like a political issue of the week show, which is not what the first season is about at all. There's it's. It is bizarre, and then it got canceled. And then Netflix picks it up and does a shortened third season and all of a sudden everyone's cursing all over the place. The whole vibe is different. Every season of the show is so different from the rest of the season. It's a mess, dude. It is unbelievable and it ends horribly. The last scene of the show basically negates everything that happens in the first two seasons. It is bizarre. So I did that and that was just a real trip for me, nice. But my thing that I like is football's back baby Football season, fantasy football. I'm having a great time. Everything's right with the world.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that is good. Okay, now we get to pick a new movie. I get to pick a movie.
Speaker 1:I can't wait to hear what this is.
Speaker 2:Well, we're moving into Halloween, right, we're not quite there but I was like we're on the move, we're on the cusp, so I'm doing a cusp movie.
Speaker 1:A cusp, a Halloween cusp. I love it.
Speaker 2:And we're going back to one of our tried and true favorite people in the world.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Nicolas Cage Great, we're doing his superhero movie, ghost Rider, ghost Rider.
Speaker 1:Yay. Oh man, I haven't seen this in a minute. I am excited.
Speaker 2:Ghost Rider, one of my favorite comic book characters as a kid.
Speaker 1:Great Um loved ghostwriter.
Speaker 2:Um, I think I saw part of this movie I I I don't think I've seen the whole thing.
Speaker 1:Um, you did. You did the right thing, Not going back.
Speaker 2:I'm ready because that's the thing about us doing. This show is since we granularly pick it, pick, pick, pick at the wound you could try to see what the hell is going on, and I just what exactly went wrong and I want to try and think about if there's a way.
Speaker 2:You know, because the ghostwriter comic not that I've reread any of it, because you know most comics from the 70s very terrible, but I think it was you know your classic sort of Hulk, you know go to a town and they just sort of deal with a problem somewhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hit people with a flaming chain. Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:He didn't even do that.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I have no idea, I don't know.
Speaker 2:So I'm intrigued as to see how they tried to figure out how to make Ghost Rider who's you know? I guess now the spirit of vengeance, you know who he's who he's going to venge all over. Yeah, and why he's going to venge all over these guys, because in you know, in the seventies comic book he was basically Satan, just sort of made him into ghostwriter, you know which?
Speaker 1:is cool.
Speaker 2:Satan's like you're a ghostwriter. You know which is cool Satan's like you're a ghostwriter, now Go ghostwrite.
Speaker 1:I'm like cool, I'll do it, I'm gonna go mess some shit up, yeah yeah, all I remember is Sam Elliott is in this movie, so I'm excited to see him because I love him. He's great. But I don't really remember much, except for a graveyard, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm excited. Makes sense, there's a graveyard.
Speaker 1:What did this come? This was like mid-2000s. No clue.
Speaker 2:Okay, and I think the second one's supposed to be especially more horrible, but I think we got to start with one.
Speaker 1:Maybe we just do back-to-back, do a little one-two punch, I don't know. Let's find out. You can think about that want, because it's my pick next time, dan.
Speaker 2:And I don't know when true Halloween shows start.
Speaker 1:I'll start doing. I'll check out the countdown.
Speaker 2:Figure out when we're doing real Halloween shows, how many we got. I love it, but I've got a number of Halloween movies here that are ready to go that I want to do Good for you.
Speaker 1:Proud of you.
Speaker 2:But Ghost Rider, I think, is more of a cusp movie.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have yeah yeah, there's some horror themes probably, but mostly not, I would say Probably not.
Speaker 2:Not at all scary. Not at all creepy, Probably kind of like what the hell is happening here.
Speaker 1:I can't wait. I'm very excited. Good choice, Stan.
Speaker 2:When's Kraven the Hunter coming out is the real question.
Speaker 1:I think it's isn't it in October.
Speaker 2:It's got to be soon.
Speaker 1:Before the end of the year that's for sure.
Speaker 2:They had a guy sitting in front of the poster and the poster didn't look terrible.
Speaker 1:Wait, they had a guy sitting in front of the poster.
Speaker 2:It was like a big, like a gigantic version of the poster. Oh, I see. And then you watch the trailer and you're just like, oh, this is so thin.
Speaker 1:It's going to be great. I'm excited about it, very excited.
Speaker 2:I know Marvel Snap just released a Madam Web card.
Speaker 1:Oh boy, I'll have to get back into Marvel Snap for the first time in a year. Yeah, it's not going to happen.
Speaker 2:Okay, so Ghost Rider next time. If you like what you see, give us a thumbs up, leave us a comment or subscribe. Those are all things you can do to help us defeat the algorithm, yeah, which works so hard against us. I don't think it's working hard at all.
Speaker 1:No, it's pretty easy to leave us in the dust. It's not doing anything.
Speaker 2:And, yeah, we'll be back next week talking about Ghost Rider.
Speaker 1:Goodbye everybody, bye, bye, bye, bye Woo.