Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching The Union
Ever wondered how Mark Wahlberg and Halle Berry would fare in a spy romance? Buckle up as we dissect the Netflix movie "The Union" in our latest episode! We kick things off with some laughs and a bit of personal reflection on productivity before diving into the film's production quality, character dynamics, and the broader landscape of streaming content. From the highs of successful series like "Ted Lasso" to the sustainability of mid-tier productions, we leave no stone unturned. And yes, we're just as excited as you are about the possible return of Rebecca Ferguson in the "Mission Impossible" franchise!
But wait, there's more! We get downright critical about the love story between Wahlberg and Berry's characters. Is it believable? Spoiler alert: not really. We also touch on some casting choices that left us scratching our heads (Lorraine Bracco as Wahlberg's mom, anyone?) and point out the comedic elements that missed the mark. Whether it's the emotional depth of the characters or Wahlberg's character using a screwdriver to start his truck, we dissect it all with our signature blend of humor and candor.
And if you think that's the end of our rant, think again. We scrutinize the chaotic action scenes and convoluted spy plots, comparing them to classics like Jason Bourne. From thrilling chase sequences to implausible plot devices like the BT Tower's secret location, we break it all down. Plus, we chat about some recent TV shows and movies worth your time, including the Netflix series "Chaos" and the action-comedy film "Jackpot." So join us for a wild ride through the wacky world of "The Union" and beyond—you're in for a treat!
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So you're just wallowing in your own filth?
Speaker 2:I mean more or less. Yeah, what I've learned about myself recently, in the last 24 hours, is that most of the things that I do that are productive and make me a member of society, I only do to impress my wife. I just don't want her to hate me, so I do the bare minimum of what is required and then when she leaves, I'm just a piece of shit. Hey, watch it With Dan and Tony. Minimum of what is required and then when she leaves, I'm just a piece of shit, welcome to ain't watching with dan and tony.
Speaker 1:I'm dan, I'm tony. This is the show where you get the current movie releases reviewed in perpetuity Not the right word, but in depth, deep, deep depth.
Speaker 2:We'll never stop. We'll never stop reviewing this movie.
Speaker 1:This is like a six-part series. This new movie we're doing hey Dan, what movie are we doing? Tony, I'll tell you what movie we're doing. You want me to ask what movie we're doing? Hey, dan, what movie are we doing?
Speaker 2:tony, I'll tell you what movie we're doing you want me to ask what movie you're doing your intro. I'm trying not to step on any toes here. Stepping on toes, tony, let's start again, so hey dan what movie are we doing?
Speaker 1:I don't know what movie we do it, tony, wow this was, this was your choice, right oh? Yeah, we're doing the Union Star Union, mark Wahlberg, halle Berry, guy from the drum movie.
Speaker 2:Or J Jonah Jameson Also good.
Speaker 1:He is J Jonah Jameson. The Union 20, 24 hour and 49 minutes Netflix special. I think they made this movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably.
Speaker 1:It's that level, the.
Speaker 2:Netflix backlot. Yeah, on the Netflix backlot. I would love to travel there. That sounds lovely.
Speaker 1:This was a movie.
Speaker 2:Was it? I believe? So? I mean that's pretty good, was it I believe? So? I mean that's pretty good. Honestly, in the grand scheme of things, if you, Dan Goodsell, believe that this was a movie, I think that Netflix would consider that a win, you know we've reached this point.
Speaker 1:I don't even know what the point is, but I don't know what's going on anymore. I mean, this is what I imagined, what this movie was. Okay, Mark Wahlberg, Halle Berry knew each other. So there are two production companies talk to each other and they're like, let's get a thing that we could do. Then they hired a writer and he wrote this movie and then they took it to Netflix and Netflix is like we need to have a movie with the synergy of your two brands coming together.
Speaker 2:Synergy that's a good keyword. You're on the right track. I can feel it.
Speaker 1:And then they made you know I was watching this thing and they were complaining about I guess there was some new Apple TV show that was made by Alphonse Cauron C-A-U-R-O-N. The guy that did City of Something or others. He did that Brazil movie.
Speaker 1:You know about the city of boys, boys from Brazil or something. Okay, you know, big time fancy director. Yeah, and like they put it out and no one watched it. Okay, and everybody's like. Well, the stuff that they watch is, you know, love is Blind and Love Island UK, love Island Barcelona, love Island Catalina.
Speaker 2:I do watch all of these.
Speaker 1:All anybody watches anymore? Is that complete garbage or some super expensive stuff, right?
Speaker 2:Sure, so you're saying the middle ground is missing.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that no one considers these prestige formats. No one considers Apple TV a prestige format.
Speaker 2:That's true, but I mean, having said that, you know, if you have something that's good, ted Lasso, people will watch it. If you're just putting out mediocre content to just have, like, the drones of society watch numblest, you know what I mean? Nobody cares. Make something good and people will watch it. Stop complaining. This is not to you, dan. This is to all those people making shit. Stop complaining about people not watching your shit. Make better shit.
Speaker 1:Well, I think you're right and I also think you're wrong.
Speaker 2:Wow, dan, you can't even back me up. I half-backed you, I'm half-backed, half-backed, I'll take a half-back.
Speaker 1:Continue Because I watched that show. Silo, oh right, yeah, with the incomparable Rebecca Ferguson. Rebecca Ferguson, if she doesn't come back to life in the last Mission Impossible movie, I'm going to have some words to say.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I mean, it's Mission Impossible, so there's a high likelihood that it would happen. You think she's coming?
Speaker 1:back.
Speaker 2:You think she's coming back.
Speaker 1:I would hope so.
Speaker 2:I would certainly hope so, because I think that that would be a mistake. But what do I know?
Speaker 1:Because that last movie they didn't really use her. She sort of showed up and they were like, oh, she got killed. I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, user, that she sort of showed up and they were like, oh, she got killed, I guess yeah which feels it's, it feels like a mislead, right, it does right.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's not just me thinking that other people I mean.
Speaker 2:I hope not I'm hoping you're right my point being she made silo.
Speaker 1:They're making the second season of silo. They're making, like this good material, yeah, and they also make another material no one cares about and I think they're going to reap the benefits of it like 20 years from now. Sure, yeah, I mean, I can see that. Yeah, you know, it's like Suits and all those other shows that they're putting on Netflix now and everybody's like the greatest show ever. I think that that's what's going to happen with a lot of these other shows, because they're not out on DVD or CD-ROM or anything.
Speaker 2:Well, they're harder to get to than you think and not that they're hard, but they require a subscription. Like this, one would require a subscription to Apple TV. There's not enough on Apple TV for me to still subscribe. Sure, like, once Ted Lasso was done, I checked out. I was like, okay, until something else that people are talking about sounds good to me, I'm not going to subscribe because I don't think Apple TV creates enough good content for me to give my money to. Also, I am anti-Apple, just in general. So there's that as well. As I'm sitting here on a Mac, a MacBook Pro, I hate that Apple.
Speaker 1:But.
Speaker 2:I use it all. I use it all. I hate Apple, but here's a MacBook Pro, here's a Mac Mini. Yeah, I'm a hypocrite.
Speaker 1:Well, we got sidetracked, the Union. So this is one of these Netflix, oh right, Paying off people that they like making a movie which is going to be like number one to number three for two and a half weeks but also play everywhere in the world yeah, would you think it's gonna last two weeks out there?
Speaker 1:I. I think that you know, if you really look at it, you're gonna be like oh, that played really well in thailand for four and a half weeks you know, and this is gonna sound weird, but maybe with a language barrier it gets better, because this dialogue was not good, dan, I have to say I thought the dialogue was okay.
Speaker 2:I thought it no, did you laugh? No, I never laughed. It's an action comedy, dan, you have to laugh. If the dialogue's good, you'd be laughing.
Speaker 1:But you see, my sights are so low. I'm at least like well, these are shaped like jokes and they are jokes. They're not funny, funny jokes, but at least they're shaped like jokes.
Speaker 2:Can I get that?
Speaker 1:I mean so many movies we watch. They don't even shape jokes, they're just like hello and that's it.
Speaker 3:That's the joke.
Speaker 1:Oh, he said hello twice, so that's funny.
Speaker 2:Now it's not funny, but funny now. It's not funny, but I can understand that. They meant it to be a yeah, and you, your bar is too low. We've been doing this show too long. Your bar has sunk so low.
Speaker 1:It's true because they, you know, when they did witty repartee, they back and forth it and you're like, oh, okay, they're, they're making stuff, they're saying things. Yeah, yeah, they're saying stuff.
Speaker 2:They're saying things. Yeah, yeah, they're saying stuff. I laughed twice in this movie.
Speaker 1:I'm at about twice too, I think yeah.
Speaker 2:I wonder if we laughed at the same joke, I don't think so. Wow, okay, I mean to shut that down so quick hurts my feelings.
Speaker 1:I mean, I know one of them and it's just like you're going like oh, yeah, I guess that what I did find that funny. You know, that's what you're gonna say. You're, you will not have even written down what I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1:Okay, great, I know that and that'll be interesting when we get to it. So so yeah, so these are like I don't know. They're like these mid-level action movies where the action is like, oh, I'm wrestling with the guy and there's sort of gunplay, and there's sort of gunplay and there's sort of car chases.
Speaker 1:And they're not the worst, but they're not good. You know, it's not like Six Underground, where you're like they spent a lot of money on this and it's very expensive looking but it's crap. It's a different kind of crap than Six Underground, sure, completely different, I mean, and isn't that?
Speaker 2:the problem, though, is that they all lack something, yeah, of course. So let's just, let's chill out, dear Netflix, let's calm down and let's get all of the things right on one movie. No. Okay, you're right, make six movies all that have one good thing about them and we'll be fine. That's it.
Speaker 1:So boom, end of the union. We start. There's a hotel, there's bellhops, there's workmen, there's delivery, there's bar people. People walk by people and other people hand them guns. You're like how does that work? What's happening? How do you set up to have a chef pull a gun out of a turkey where the stuffing was and then he hands you?
Speaker 2:That's a great idea. That's that's an amazing intro to a film, because I'm thinking what world is this? Who put the gun in the turkey? Was the turkey? Did the turkey have a gun? Maybe that's why he died? Maybe someone put the thing up the bird and the bird's like well, now I've led poisoning and I'm dead yeah, it could be.
Speaker 1:They get in the elevator. They're all there with the guns. We find out they're in Italy and we find out JK Simmons is the boss. 1,000 television screens spread out before him. Why? I don't know why he needs 1,000 screens, but he's got 1,000 screens.
Speaker 2:I love all the central commands in these movies. They get more and more ludicrous every time. Like I've never been to a real central command, I'll tell you that right now. But I don't know why you would need all those tvs. How many people are you monitoring at one time? How many cameras are there?
Speaker 1:everyone, everyone don't. It's the whole world. Hallie berry's that, his number one guy, his sub boss. She's not there because she's on a roof somewhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know. She leads the mission from afar. Right, I guess that's probably what they do, because then they're not in danger. Right, like you send the lower guys to go get murdered, and then she stays behind. But she's also calling. Here's why I was confused. She's calling the shots, yes, but she doesn't have a camera. They don't ever show her like looking at anything, so she's just kind of playing it by ear. She's like okay, well, you turn a west in that way. Okay, now breach the door. Breach. I can tell that. It's clear. I didn't understand that she should have monitoring something, right?
Speaker 1:Well, if she's there on the street, then she can run towards where something is happening, as opposed to if she's in the command, where she can't run towards where something's happening.
Speaker 2:That's fair.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so they're going to extract a guy and a hard drive.
Speaker 2:Unclear. The mission's a little murky and that's why it probably fails ultimately.
Speaker 1:Basically, our MacGuffin is a suitcase. That's what we're always going to be looking for. It's a suitcase that you can open to be looking for. It's a suitcase that you can open and then it has boop, boop, boop, boop buttons in it.
Speaker 2:It's similar to what I want for my Xbox. You know what I mean. I would love a suitcase that has an Xbox built into the bottom and then I flip it open and there's a screen on the inside and all I have to do is plug in one plug and this thing just works and I can bring it anywhere. I would love that, just, and this thing just works and I can bring it anywhere. I would love that. Just think about it, dan. If you could make that for me, I'd be very grateful. I think so.
Speaker 1:So they take him out there. They go out through the lobby. They have guns. Oh, they try to go out through the front. The front blows up, so then they have to go out the back and then a sniper just kills everyone, kills, kills, kills, kills, kills, kills, kills, kills, and then everyone disappears. I mean, and Halle Berry runs there and it's like everyone's dead In the sniper's defense.
Speaker 2:They were just out in the open. Oh yeah, like this is a terrible plan B. Plan B is just go out on the street and walk. How is that your plan B? Your plan A is to sneak out into a van right out front. Your plan B is just to go out in the open. Plan A was shut down by a bad guy. There's bad people in the area and your plan B is to just walk in the open Till you get to a bridge. Till you get to a bridge with no cover. This plan doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:I've watched a lot of World War II movies.
Speaker 2:I believe that about you, dan bridges very vulnerable yeah, no, they're a bad place to be. They're they're vulnerable from every single angle.
Speaker 1:There's no safe spot on a bridge you know at least if you're in the middle of a little small city, you can like run down an alley or something great, yeah sure, hide behind a building or a bench, you know can't escape either way. You can jump in the water and then you're going to be in the water, or you can jump off the bridge onto a boat and then have landed, not on the boat and then not be on a boat.
Speaker 2:You're hung. It's called spoilers, Spoiler alert. Stay tuned everybody.
Speaker 1:Great stuff coming. She gets sad because all her team is dead all her buddies die.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, that would be a sad day, right? Was she tough? Was she that sad? No, but she was. She was almost angry, though, you know what I mean. Like she, she felt almost mad. She ran a little.
Speaker 1:Um, that's about it, yeah so now we're gonna go meet marky mark. He's living the new jersey lifestyle with his drunken buddies, and then he's going home and hitting the seventh grade english teacher, played by dana delaney, looks so good.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, she looks so good so this is my second biggest problem with the movie, just in general.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm I'm sure you're going to disagree with me and I'm sure lots of people disagree with me, but in my opinion she is so much hotter than Holly Berry, so the entire love story of him hitting, getting with this smoking hot teacher, which is every boy's dream Okay, let's not pretend that that's not every boy's dream and then he like falls in love with Holly Berry because of that in high school. And then at the end, when they're at the wedding and she sees her and I was like just leave Holly Berry, just be like, oh shit, no, you know what? Nicole is way hotter, I'll see you later.
Speaker 1:That was the second most unbelievable thing in this movie to me. I mean I'm not disagreeing with you on that. I mean that's certainly a choice that you would be. I mean I would be. That would be a very hard choice, sure.
Speaker 2:Sure, I mean the guy you know, spoiled with riches right?
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly Because Halle Berry, she's very attractive in this movie.
Speaker 2:You know, just your New Jersey everyman just happens to have two of the most beautiful women in the world, right.
Speaker 1:Okay, that makes sense, and I'm not super convinced that she's from this world. She plays it okay, but I'm not super convinced that she's from the dirty streets of New Jersey, of Jersey, yeah, you're like. Their banter does seem like a friendship banter, though, as I said earlier, it felt like but more like Halle Berry and Mark Wahlberg are friends.
Speaker 2:It doesn't ever feel like these two characters are bantering and maybe I'm wrong, but it doesn't I don't ever feel like it goes to that level where I'm like oh, I see it, these are two high school friends. It's just more like yeah, these are friendly co-workers.
Speaker 1:I think your bigger problem is that these two do not seem like they were in love at one point.
Speaker 2:Oh yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. When he gives the talk about you left me and I thought about you a lot, for sure. When he gives the talk about you left me and I thought about you a lot, you're like, did you?
Speaker 2:No, he didn't. I don't believe that. I don't believe that you thought about her for like eight seconds. You know that's about it. He did not like go into a six-month depression and then didn't date anyone for five months or two years, not with those abs at 50 or however old he is, good Lord, he looks good, his face looks great. Yeah, well you know, he's old, but to have that body at, I think he's 53. He's 53. Unbelievable guy. Good, that's a lot of work and hats off to you, sir.
Speaker 1:So he's, he's leaving, leaves the bed of a beautiful day. Oh, that's. The other thing is I don't think you can make the joke that she's his seventh grade English teacher. I think that boat has sailed. There's been too many groomer things in the news about women.
Speaker 2:I don't pay attention in the news, but is that true?
Speaker 1:I winced both times. He did it as the joke. What was the other one that we were taught, the other movie we did where they made the joke about something like that? We were both just like, oh, you should have stayed away from that.
Speaker 2:Well I mean it helps because they're in their 50s now, right, so it's less offensive than you know thinking of it in the moment. Right, it's like, yeah, 40 years later he was able to get with the teacher. So right, it's like, yeah, 40 years later he was able to get with the teacher. So that's, you know that helps a little.
Speaker 1:Did it feel like there had been that much distance?
Speaker 2:No. Also, are they the same age? I didn't look up their ages but they look the same age to me. When he was like you were my teacher, I was a little confused. Yeah, and I could be wrong Again, I have no idea. Once you reach, you know, once you're like 40 plus, all of those years kind of blend together to me.
Speaker 1:And that was the other thing about this movie is we're going to meet his mom in a minute.
Speaker 2:Who's Lorraine Bracco?
Speaker 1:And it just Also the same age, oh really.
Speaker 2:No, I have no idea. None of these people Like how young was she when she had him as a son? Because he's 53. I know how old Mark is that's the only one I know and they all look like they're 50s, 60s. Yeah, a little bit.
Speaker 1:But I mean it feels like they're all friends in real life and so they all were like, oh, you should just come and do this movie. Yeah, come do a couple of days on my movie, you look great, it'll be great. Days on my movie, you look great, it'll be great, you know, because I mean David Delaney must do stuff, but it's like I don't ever see it, I would watch it.
Speaker 2:I would know, because I would be doing it.
Speaker 1:So he has a truck and he uses a screwdriver to turn on the truck and he has a hat that he puts on in a hat way.
Speaker 2:Why Can you explain this to me?
Speaker 1:Because his truck got stolen one time and then he just never got it fixed.
Speaker 2:So keys don't work.
Speaker 1:No, they busted it out and they stole his truck at one point Because you've got to break the ignition to steal it like that, but then he got it back. And he got the truck back and he just never fixed it. So he just starts it with a screwdriver Did this story happen in the movie? No, but you know that.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you're just making shit up, right now. Because, as someone who first of all didn't even know that, that's what would have happened if someone boosted your car.
Speaker 3:That's how you do it.
Speaker 2:I have no idea I was like this guy didn't pay for this truck at all. That's ridiculous.
Speaker 1:Or he, like you know, found the kids that stole it and then he beat the shit out of them and then just took it back.
Speaker 2:You know, my dad had his truck stolen from our driveway one time, but that's because he was not too bright and he left the keys in the truck. And then we found it a few days later, just like at the elementary school, less than three miles from where we live, and it was just sitting there. Yeah, the cops found it and they're like is this it?
Speaker 1:It was weird. It was a weird weekend. Most stolen cars are for joy rides, not for any other reason, at least in the past In the past.
Speaker 2:I don't know which is why nobody steals my car. I get it Not that fun. There's no joy in Tony's life. There's no joy in that car.
Speaker 1:So they're at the pool, we're at the pool with the inbred friends, and then, oh no, no, they're playing pool.
Speaker 2:They're not at a pool, they're playing pool, they're not in a pool. The inbred friends, their friends, friends, their friends are. Jersey's gonna come for you, dan, if jersey sees this, jersey's coming for you they are not, like you know, not the sharpest techs in the tech no, but they seem like a fun bunch of guys. But again they're 40s, 40s to 50s, so maybe mature, get a little, grow up a little.
Speaker 1:Wow, listen to tony I'm not saying don't have fun.
Speaker 3:But are any of them in relationships.
Speaker 1:They don't seem like they're put together, the one guy's getting married.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's not in a relationship yet. He's just getting into a relationship, which is I'm not saying you shouldn't find life later in love, you don't know. You shouldn't find love later in life.
Speaker 1:Listen to Tony, that's what I was trying to say. I was engaged for 17 years.
Speaker 2:Then, finally, my wife moved out and we got married finally. I hope she doesn't see this, Dan, because she brings it up all the time. She is still mad about it.
Speaker 1:Oh really, how long you made her wait for your love. Yeah, for your permanent love.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know you want to be sure, right, we were going through a lot of changes. I left her. I moved across the country. Seemed like it would be a bad idea to be like hey, you want to get married.
Speaker 1:By the way, I'm leaving, Wow listen, tony, I gave her the biggest clue of everything that the relationship was over. I left the state.
Speaker 2:No, no no, no, no, the relationship was not over, that's what I'm saying. But if she wanted an out, you know I was giving it to her.
Speaker 1:Oh, so you were trying to trick her into leaving you, not trick her.
Speaker 2:You are twisting my words. I'm saying I didn't want to trap her like Josh Hartnett's new movie Trapped.
Speaker 1:So in comes Roxanne, halle Berry's character. She's there to recruit him. They were the high school couple. They rebound and then they're like okay, let's go on a motorcycle ride. He's like this is going to lead to sex. They go to a park. He puts on the Springsteen on his phone. I kind of like that. He walks away like he's got to make a call and he puts the Springsteen back on. I was like that's cute.
Speaker 2:It was a good move, it's a charming move.
Speaker 1:They dance and then she needles him in the neck. Very scary. And then throws him down the hill.
Speaker 2:Like intentionally throws him down the hill. I mean it's funny, because that's where her guys are waiting. So the whole time her plan was to roll him down a hill. It's pretty mean I don't know, that's a little dangerous. Just break a couple of bones, maybe a neck.
Speaker 1:He's got a broken ankle. Like wait, there goes the plan. So he wakes up, he's in a fancy hotel in London, and then they show up him, and then Tom, who's the boss? Who's? What's that dude's name? Jk, you already said it JK Simmons.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you said JK Simmons already. I thought you were on top of it. I don't remember that.
Speaker 1:That's fair, I wrote it down up here, but I already forgot what his name was. His name is Tom Brennan. I think we'd say that a bunch of times Tom Brennan.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's the only name that we repeat a bunch.
Speaker 1:We repeat Mikey and Roxy's names a lot.
Speaker 2:I didn't remember that his name was Mike.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we do the names pretty good. We do pretty good with the names on this movie.
Speaker 2:I knew her name and I knew Brennan's name.
Speaker 1:It's usually Tom Brennan. He's not just.
Speaker 2:Tom. He's not Tom. He's not Brennan. He's Tom Brennan. He's Tom Brennan. Respect, he throws. He's not Brennan, he's Tom Brennan, he's.
Speaker 1:Tom Brennan Respect. So then he throws in the keys and it's like you know, marky Mark's like are you kidnapping me?
Speaker 2:I have work.
Speaker 1:And he's like would I kidnap you by giving you a $150,000 car? He's all like I guess not. Let's go to breakfast, I guess not, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I haven't really been through this before.
Speaker 1:So we set up that they are members of the union, which is where all the blue collar people go.
Speaker 2:Yeah. This is where the movie loses, it Falls apart, completely falls apart and makes absolutely no sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Because basically they're all James Bond, but they come from working class backgrounds and you're all like, why don't you try and build them? Like it's all about the working class.
Speaker 2:Correct. Because that's how you would do this movie. It doesn't make any sense. Also, listen, they say the line somewhere, the lines where we needed a nobody. I don't know if this is now or later, I can't remember. We needed nobody, someone that would blend in, and Mark Wahlberg's just not that, oh, interesting To me. He's not an everyman. What is he? And that's what you need in this movie is you need a blue-collar everyman.
Speaker 1:But you see, I think he would work in America as a blue-collar See. That's the part of the problem, is? It's a European adventure, right? Sure? Yeah, it's a. It's a european adventure, right, sure, and yeah, and you're gonna be, you're never gonna blend in because you're gonna be like an american dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just. Yeah, you're fucking american, everybody knows you. Yeah, I mean I don't know. And then he two weeks of training and he becomes like a super spy. It's like that's not how you do it, like he needs to remain in every man for the movie. He can't become Jason Bourne. He learns how to shoot basically.
Speaker 1:so they're in the BT Tower. That's where their secret location is. Is that a real thing, dan? Yeah?
Speaker 2:Okay, because they said it like. He was like do you know what this is? And I was. I did not, I had no idea, I think it's the British Television Tower, I think it is what it's called.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like a communications array, you know like beaming all sorts of shit out, I think, Beaming. So the bad guys are going to be selling the Intel in two weeks and the Intel is this is the worst Intel ever. The names of everyone in law enforcement everywhere. Right, First of all, law enforcement everywhere.
Speaker 2:Right, first of all, that's a crazy list. Like why would all of them be compiled into one list? First of all, they each should have their own list, right? It's weird that you would compile all different agencies into one list. That doesn't make any sense. But also, the plot of the first Mission Impossible is the knock list, which is a list of agents names, and I was like you just were like what would be worse than that? Well, the same thing, but for everybody, that's a good movie, including like local police and you're like yeah, just like people that don't have.
Speaker 1:Iranian government does not need to know. You know who's. Who's guarding Poughkeepsie, new York in their small little town.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's very silly, Very, very silly.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's a dopey bit of information, and so they can't use their people, even though they use their people through the entire movie. They need him because he's not going to be on the list, I guess.
Speaker 2:Which is again that general conceit is fine with me. Just that part, just that one tiny little part. But he doesn't do anything alone. So I don't, I, just I don't, I don't get it. She's out in the open the whole time always out there.
Speaker 1:That doesn't make any sense. You take a picture of her facial recognition she never changed it. She always has very particular good looking hairdo I was gonna.
Speaker 2:I was gonna. I figured you liked it. It's too wild for me, dan. I don't know. I don't get it. I don't understand why is there so much on one side and not any on the other? I don't get it. I don't understand why is there so much on one side and not any on the other.
Speaker 1:I don't get it. Yeah, yeah. So you know, he kind of cries about you disappeared and she says she's sorry and then she's all you just got to help us once.
Speaker 1:And here's the first class ticket. And he's like he calls his mom oh, this was a joke that I liked. She says what are you the New Jersey James Bond? Or something like that. She's a New Jersey James Bond Good little joke I like, because she knows all his shit and so whenever he calls her, she's already on top of it. Yeah, and that's fun. You could have pushed this ten times further. Yeah, you could have made jokes about it. What?
Speaker 2:are you?
Speaker 1:doing in London. He's like ma how do you know I'm in London?
Speaker 2:You know, see, that's great, that's nice that would be funny. They don't do that. They don't do it in this movie.
Speaker 1:It's so soft, you know they're like we don't want to push any. You got to push. She's got to learn everything, everything. Jackie earl haley is foreman, the guy that never seems like he's done anything foreman like in his entire life. I love jackie. I like the character. He is not the character that they say he's playing.
Speaker 2:No, no, he's not. Also, and I don't, I don't know if I've seen him in anything comedic. His jokes don't land. Oh, really Not to me. Did they land for you? No, okay, yeah, he has one of the easiest jokes in the movie, which is we'll get to it, but I'm just going to say it anyhow, because I don't care about you. On the first mission, mark Wahlberg is like leaving he forgets the briefcase. So he grabs the briefcase and he shuts the door and Jackie's got the line. Well, he's dead. That's such an easy joke. Yeah, it's easy.
Speaker 2:And it doesn't land it doesn't, land it doesn't. I don't even know why. I was just like why am I not laughing? That's the easiest joke to make in the world. So I don't know. I was bummed.
Speaker 1:They also kind of don't set it, because he kind of set it to himself. But you have to be like oh, we're so fucking dead, you know, yeah, because he kind of plays everything really even.
Speaker 2:You know, like foremans do.
Speaker 1:He should be yelling at him. You dumb, fucking piece of shit. Foreman, you've written your character. Give him that thing to do.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think so, but instead he's like I'm a computer hacker, like what. He's the foreman, that thing to do. No, I don't think so, but instead he's like I'm a computer hacker, like what?
Speaker 1:He's the foreman. He's not Computer Joe, he's not, you know, computer.
Speaker 2:Joe, that's a good name.
Speaker 1:So we get the montage and you're gonna run until I tell you to stop, as hard as you'd like, and then eventually he runs until his option doesn't fall to his death, which you know, I guess it builds trust between them.
Speaker 2:But what does that do for your training really?
Speaker 1:it doesn't like help you do anything well, more importantly, you don't invert it at all. Right, he has to go over the edge.
Speaker 2:Something has to happen right, sure, or yeah, it would be fun if something happened during this eight-minute montage, if he goes over the edge and he's like, why did I?
Speaker 1:And then he lands in a net and she goes in there like you're never going to know what's going on for real.
Speaker 2:Great, that's very scary.
Speaker 1:I just wrote something that was better than their movie.
Speaker 3:So, bad.
Speaker 1:Okay, boom, it's the day that they have to do something. Tony, did you have any idea what they were doing?
Speaker 2:I almost have no idea what they're doing through most of the movie, if I'm being completely honest with you.
Speaker 1:So they got a trash truck, they got somebody in a car, they got somebody on a roof. He's got a bag with $5 million and then he has to give the five million dollars to somebody so that they can be part of the auction, and then he's gonna get back a telephone yeah, I don't know if they knew it was a telephone, but it was.
Speaker 2:It's the way into the auction.
Speaker 3:Whatever having whatever it is this telephone.
Speaker 1:yeah, um, then show up and I don't know who they are. I don't know what they're trying to do. I don't know why they're trying to do it. I would think he'd want to steal the $5 million, but I don't know what they're trying to do. I don't know what the he's trying to get the phone away.
Speaker 2:I would love to steal both. Yeah, I would love the $5 million plus whatever this phone is. I still don't know what they're auctioning, but yeah, I'm in, he ends up in a musical.
Speaker 1:That was kind of funny. It was a musical that would take place at night, but it was happening in the middle of the day.
Speaker 2:Interesting. Yeah, I don't know if it's ever funny. No, Like it's an interesting choice, and I think there are jokes that you could make off of it. Yeah, but they don't really make it funny. So then it's just kind of a choice, which is something right?
Speaker 1:Well, it's not funny, because the bad guys will just shoot and kill anyone right. Sure. You have to make it so that-.
Speaker 2:Those kids are murdered.
Speaker 1:You're in a thing and nobody wants to get caught, and so everybody's all like I'm acting like I'm doing this, but he's crawling through the seats, which is weird, and the audience doesn't.
Speaker 2:They're just kind of like oh, why is a guy crawling? That's so weird. No, no, you'd be a little more worried than that. That's weird. That's weird behavior at a musical. I don't know, it doesn't work.
Speaker 1:And then they have to fight the kung fu lady and then he starts beating her up and then hallie berry shows up and then she, like freaking, kills her, which I was like, and he reacts to her being killed and I was like, okay, that's a nice moment it is a nice moment, but I was still mad from him being so good at fighting.
Speaker 2:Because he's not. He doesn't just lose. You know like he. He holds his own. He's learned how to fight't just lose. You know like he holds his own. He's learned how to fight. For two weeks this woman's been trained since she was a child. Probably you know what I mean Like she should just beat the shit out of him. He shouldn't even hold a chance. He should just be getting tossed all around and then is about to die when she comes in. But he fights her. I don't like it.
Speaker 1:This whole movie. What they needed to do is give him some other set of skills. Yes, which? Are different, which he then leverages to succeed 100%. But instead, they just give him perfect combat skills, perfect driving skills. I can throw him a gun across the room. He will catch the gun and then immediately kill someone.
Speaker 2:And then shoot him in one shot. Yeah, no, no, I'm sorry that doesn't work in the character that you've set up.
Speaker 1:I mean, maybe you should have just made him like ex-Marine Corps, Well that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:If there was more of a reason for her to choose him other than she loved him, is that why she chose him? Dan, can you explain it to?
Speaker 1:me. She knows he exists, I don't know.
Speaker 2:That's yeah I yeah, like I don't get it. If there was a reason, she's like oh, you know, he's ex-military, he got, you know this what is it when you're dishonorably discharged for being a jackass? You know, I don, I don't know something. Something that is like okay, yeah, this guy can do a mission, but he won't be on that list. Yeah, or hire me, we make a totally different movie and it'll be way more fun.
Speaker 1:It'll be funny. You know, Tony will disable them with his gas. Oh my God, what's that horrible smell, you know?
Speaker 2:Or he'll the sunlight will reflect off his head, off my bald head.
Speaker 1:That's how I get out of sniper shots All the time. The sniper.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the sniper's looking down. It just shines right in his eyes. He can't see nothing, and then I get the drop on him.
Speaker 1:That's actually a very funny bit. That'd be a very funny bit.
Speaker 2:Well, we'll save it. I'm going to edit it out of the episode and save it.
Speaker 1:Kills him. Okay, but he accidentally dropped the phone in the water, so the phone is useless.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I mean he was getting murdered. So you know, I know Not really his fault.
Speaker 1:So we go back there and everybody's like there's gotta be somebody tipping them off, because everyone keeps getting we get tipped off. Now here's a question we're gonna eventually find out that the person who's working against them is Halle Berry's partner, slash ex-husband, who we thought got killed at the beginning. Spoilers, yeah.
Speaker 2:So how is he still giving information on current missions? Any ideas Bueller? No, yeah, doesn't make any sense. Dan Doesn't make any sense. Needs to be someone on the inside, but they don't care.
Speaker 1:Halle Berry takes him out to a bar. He's all like.
Speaker 2:I want to see this through okay good for you, guy, that's fine this is the real Rambo moment.
Speaker 1:You know where they're like. We gotta convince Rambo to come back into the field and you know I don't want to go.
Speaker 2:But instead he's just like yeah, no, sir, yeah, no, I'm in, let's do it. Whatever. This was fun, oh yeah, different. I had a whole speech prepared, but great, yeah, let's go, let's do it, you know maybe we just murdered someone. I'm dealing with that Great because he did have a moment where he looked upset and then about 10 minutes later he's fine, he. He's dealt with it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to start shooting people. Is that cool Go for it.
Speaker 2:I'll join in on the murder.
Speaker 1:That sounds great. So their plan is they got to find somebody else's phone that wants to bid, so they got to do that. They break in someplace and they get it, is that?
Speaker 2:what happens?
Speaker 1:I don't even remember what the scene was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's pretty much it. Is that what happens? I don't even remember what the scene was. Yeah, no, that's pretty much it. They kill a bunch of people in a house and then the last guy, marky Mark kills, just happens to have the phone.
Speaker 1:And then, when they come back out, one of their team has been killed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the lady in the van.
Speaker 1:Why, why?
Speaker 2:Stakes.
Speaker 1:Stakes. There it is stakes sticks. Oh, you got me these damn goods. Held me, didn't you? Yeah? Oh man this is by my own petard um. And then they blow up the tower. But then they call in and they're like it's not so bad. And then later they're all like how many people died?
Speaker 3:and they're like we're not gonna say, don't worry about it, don't worry about it.
Speaker 2:Don't worry about it. Wait, what Did you think that JK was bad? How did he survive the bomb?
Speaker 1:I don't even know what the bomb was or where the bomb was, or how the bomb bombed.
Speaker 2:That's a great question. Was it just on the wrong office floor?
Speaker 1:I mean they didn't even want to pay to show something blown up. They're just like yeah, we just left that, Now we're in a different set.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know. I was confused. I thought like the only way that I thought he was going to escape was if he was the bad guy and that's why he escaped. But then he wasn't.
Speaker 1:And I mean none of them had bandages.
Speaker 3:Shouldn't he?
Speaker 1:come out with. Like you know, I lost an eye. Now I lost an eye they weren't in the building.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you right now I don't know why, but nobody was in the building.
Speaker 1:It was weird. I don't even know what they were trying to trick us or make us think, just that there's a mole, I do not know, we got it. You set up there's a mole. You kill the person. There's a mole. I thought it was going to be Jackie or Haley, but instead we just write him out of the movie halfway through the movie. Yeah, that's easier. They go to a fancy hotel. Oh, they have to scatter. Everyone scatter. So they go to a fancy hotel. They sleep in the same bed.
Speaker 1:And then they argue about the blanket hog and the snoring, and they don't kiss and they don't have sex. Yeah, do you know? You can't have sex in a movie anymore.
Speaker 2:That's a weird thing to say.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? How much sex does in your Tornadoes movie? How much sex does Glenn Powell have? Does he have any? Not enough, I'll tell you that. Does he have any?
Speaker 2:No, he has none. In fact, the whole controversy about the movie Dan spoiler is they don't even kiss.
Speaker 1:at the end I'm so happy.
Speaker 2:Everyone was so mad because there's a moment where, you know, because it's half rom-com, half disaster movie, right, and they're like standing next to each other and instead of kissing they just like kind of smile and walk off, and everyone was so mad, which they're wrong about. It's the perfect ending.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just because you want to kiss him. It's the perfect ending. Yeah, just because you want to kiss him. He's for me, he's only for me, as if you don't.
Speaker 2:Don't pretend that you don't want to kiss Glenn Powell. If anybody on earth told me they didn't want to kiss Glenn Powell, I would call him a liar and I would punch him in the face.
Speaker 1:He's only for you, Tony. That's all you thought, he's only for me, and that's why she should not be allowed to kiss him.
Speaker 2:I called Spielberg and I was like Spielberg, take the kiss out. And he did.
Speaker 1:Did they have a kiss? And they just didn't put it in.
Speaker 2:So they did have a kiss. They shot both ways. They tested it with the kiss. Spielberg saw it and was like, hey, take that out Really. And they took it out.
Speaker 3:Interesting.
Speaker 2:And if you ever want to see it, Dan, and talk about why that was the right choice, I would love to do that.
Speaker 1:I don't think I'll ever watch that movie.
Speaker 2:I don't understand. Just watch it. It's free. I have it on my Vudu, just watch it. Yeah, I don't know. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Fandango. At home, tony, it's a big auction day. The CIA is giving them the money, so the CIA is there. And then, if they fail, then they have no more union and then they go on a motorcycle and then the motorcycle. That's it. They're trying to get back the most important asset of all Two people on a motorcycle. You don't have 100 motorcycles in this whole big operation. The end of everything. Cia has nobody in the field, just these two. We trust these two. These two will take care of it.
Speaker 2:That's a given, because he's brand new and she's lost her entire team like twice, so it makes perfect sense.
Speaker 1:Everyone's dying around her, but we're going to trust these two to get it done. They track the signal, track the signal. They go up to the thing. And then there's the woman. She's like at the bar on her thing doing the auction alone all by yourself.
Speaker 2:She has no security. Like who is she?
Speaker 1:She's the auction lady.
Speaker 2:No, no, I understand that, but I mean in the grand, who is she? Why is she the auctioneer? Why is she just out in public just talking as if she's on a facetime and no one cares? Okay, like none of this makes any sense to me.
Speaker 1:I don't know anything about the club, because it's kind of the club, it's the club light. She's a hot lady. Yeah, this lady, they, they would be on her 24-7.
Speaker 2:Somebody would talk to her. She would be. I don't know what she's doing.
Speaker 1:You know, I like walk over there. I'm like, hey, Mama Dan.
Speaker 3:Goodsell. That's all you need to say, dan Goodsell.
Speaker 1:What's with the $550 million on your screen here? What's going on? What is? All this, what is this?
Speaker 2:I don't understand.
Speaker 1:Tell me about what you're selling. What are you selling on your auction?
Speaker 2:that's going on Do it some eBay. That doesn't make any sense. That's a big eBay auction.
Speaker 1:What are you selling? Is this selling like Dubai? What's happening?
Speaker 2:And then she wouldn't even kill you, because I don't think she even had a gun. She's completely defenseless. She's completely defenseless. I mean what? What is she? Is she trying to get caught?
Speaker 1:I diane. I don't know if she is, she's doing a great job, so they just catch her and she's all like oh, you guys want because I guess she doesn't even run.
Speaker 2:Wait, but she doesn't run. She just is like yeah, cool, let's go.
Speaker 1:But let's chill, but does she know that they won?
Speaker 2:oh, I mean because they won this. Yeah, it's a good question. Yeah, because jake oh, which is this is my least favorite scene in the whole movie, by the way what's your least?
Speaker 2:favorite scene when we're back in the headquarters and they're voting on nope, voting bidding. When they're bidding on it and jk bids on it, jk bids on it, jk bids on it, thrice. He bids on it in front of this cia guy and then the cia guy is like I'll do it. Hey, how does this thing work? It pushes the button like six times. What the fuck are you doing? How, what is going on? He knows exactly how that works. One, he's a cia operative. He is smart, he's trained. He's an idiot. He's a complete buffoon.
Speaker 1:Because he's not blue collar. He doesn't know how cell phones work. If he was from the blue collar, he would not be so stupid.
Speaker 2:The union. Yeah, we don't know how to use phones. Okay, cia, they don't know how to use any phones. Fucking oh God. I was so mad.
Speaker 1:So they drive back with Juliet, they get to her apartment. She walks in. Yes, sir, she's like I'm going into my apartment opening the door. Let me check my mail. Did I get the Ralph's coupons? I'm waiting for the Ralph's coupons. I get to save $20 on produce. I'm like what is happening?
Speaker 2:Why is she checking her mail? She doesn't care about anything that's happened. I didn't understand this whole segment, Dan.
Speaker 3:So she goes in, she gets like a bottle of wine and she pushes the button and then boom, there's like secret compartment. Cool refrigerator thing yeah, that's nice, I like that. Yeah, she takes the, she has the briefcase, puts the briefcase, checks the briefcase, briefcase, briefcase, okay. And then there's a knock at the door and she's all like my joke is coming soon. Oh, wow, okay, she gets a drink. Magic fridge, knock, knock, knock, boom, it's Nick. Oh wait, here's the joke.
Speaker 2:Joke is coming. Oh no, I if you wrote, if this is the joke I think it is I'm going to be real mad at you.
Speaker 3:But, continue.
Speaker 1:Nick's back from the dead and we find out he's her ex-husband.
Speaker 2:The last guy to die was not dead.
Speaker 1:He's like I fell into the ocean and the bad guy is really JK Rowling, whatever his name is.
Speaker 2:No wrong, jk, JK.
Speaker 1:Simmons. And then boom, I think Juliet tells him they've got history, he's her husband, they were separated. And then she says we should call this the reunion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the joke you like I did write it down, but because I was so mad.
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't laugh, laugh, but I thought it was funny.
Speaker 2:I was like that's a that's a joke it's a joke, but it felt so out of place in the scene like she hasn't spoken in six minutes in this scene because it's been the other three people and this lady in the scene like she hasn't spoken in six minutes in this scene because it's been the other three people and this lady in the background just drops a one-liner. That's why I loved it because she's like you.
Speaker 1:Don't give me anything to do, I'm in trouble. One-liner in here blast it out.
Speaker 2:Oh no, I mean it was. It made me laugh, but not in the right way, I feel, so boom he's all like okay, let's give it to the CIA.
Speaker 1:I'll stay here with Auctioneer Lady. You're like what?
Speaker 3:You're going to stay here with her. What does that even mean? Why, why.
Speaker 2:Why don't we just give it to the CIA?
Speaker 1:immediately.
Speaker 2:No, no, that's a bad plan. They come in eight hours.
Speaker 1:Let's give us eight hours to run away with the thing.
Speaker 2:Synchronize your watches.
Speaker 1:They go to the bridge, the CIA shows up. It turns out that what's his name faked them out and they switch the thing.
Speaker 2:The briefcase he and.
Speaker 1:Juliet are working together. And then he gave a little bit of money into Halle Berry's account so that the CIA thinks she's the bad person.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I guess, now that you explain the plot, she did want to get caught Because she is the bad guy, she's working with the bad guy, so she actually did want to get caught so they could set them up with taking the money. But they, I don't know. I mean, I don't know either, I'm just telling you it's pretty thin.
Speaker 1:Of course it's thin. I mean, why don't you just sell it to them and then not give it to them, right?
Speaker 2:That's too easy, just keep selling it to different people every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's not bad. You can only get to different people every day.
Speaker 2:Yeah Right, that's not bad. You can make a lot of money that way. Why?
Speaker 1:run an auction, why? You just tell CIA give us $550 million, and then you're like I'm going to fuck yourself Right. Gfy the auctioneer person has to be someone that they trust, right yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because they would just take everybody's money and then disappear like smoke.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, she was just chilling alone at a bar, so she trusts herself at least.
Speaker 1:So they jump off the bridge, but they don't really jump off the bridge, they just this is a bad scene were on the bridge still, and then they climb back up the bridge.
Speaker 2:Well, it seems like they jumped into the water somehow.
Speaker 1:No, they jumped onto the there was a barge going underneath, and so they jumped down and landed on the barge.
Speaker 2:They thought Right, they thought, but what they really did, I think, was jump into the water and then climb back up the bridge. Oh, but Now here's what's weird, Dan.
Speaker 1:Tell me what's weird.
Speaker 2:How fast do you think a barge goes?
Speaker 1:About like six knots.
Speaker 2:I'm glad you used knots. I don't know what that means, but they're pretty slow, right, they're not fast. They're not fast moving boats. No, now it's coming. Here's the bridge right. Here's the bridge at the dead center. It's coming, it's coming. They jump off before it gets under the bridge so they could land on it. Quote unquote. It gets under the bridge so they could land on it. Quote unquote. All of the agents run to the side to see where they jumped. The boat has gone all the way to the other side by the time they get there, so they have to turn around and run back to the other side of the bridge, and by the time they do two laps on the bridge, the boat is so far away they can't see if they've landed on it. Yes, how does that make any sense why these people are just running across a bridge? They can run faster than that boat. Speedboat, speedboat.
Speaker 1:More importantly, you have a helicopter right. Yeah, the helicopter's behind you just swing over to the other side of the bridge see if they landed in the water. Nope, can't do it Like this starts strafing fire on the thing you know.
Speaker 2:Can't do it? Yeah, this doesn't make a lick of sense. They're gone. I don't know, that's pretty stupid.
Speaker 3:Boom the bridge.
Speaker 1:The bridge. Okay, then they're on the run from the CIA. So he calls his buddy in shipping and then he has people that will make it so that they can hide in a container. Get on the container, get on a plane, fly there and then another guy will unlock them later.
Speaker 2:Now, dan, let me ask you a question. Yes, you are being hunted by the CIA, I am True. You take out your cell phone and make a call.
Speaker 1:I have a shielded cell phone.
Speaker 2:Oh, you do. Okay, great, that's good, that's good. I'm glad that you somehow have a way of hiding yourself from the CIA.
Speaker 3:No I take the.
Speaker 1:There's a little chip that's called something. I take that out and I put in a SIM card.
Speaker 2:You take another one. Okay, yeah, great, I put in your.
Speaker 3:SIM card, so they think I'm Tony Chip. Oh, so they think I'm doing it. Yes, okay, this is good, dan.
Speaker 2:Thanks, the cops are going to show up at my house and just put me down.
Speaker 1:Pop, pow, pow pow. And this was. They refer to the CIA as the Central Incompetence Agency.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is, I guess funny but a little weird, Like why are you so mad at them?
Speaker 1:Because they're not blue-collar.
Speaker 2:Oh, because they're snobby Okay they get there.
Speaker 1:He steals a car with the screwdriver trick. He has a screwdriver withby. Okay, they get there. He steals a car with the screwdriver trick. He has a screwdriver with him. Oh, they almost got frisky on the plane, but they didn't show us that, didn't even have their lips touched.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a penis joke on the plane.
Speaker 1:Oh, there was a penis joke.
Speaker 3:It was super out of place. Tell us the penis joke.
Speaker 2:Tony. Well, because earlier in the movie she's making fun of Mark Wahlberg, holly Berry, and she says that his life is small. So then we cut to this plane that they're on and they're both standing there and she looks at him and goes I'm not saying that it's small. And he misunderstands and says what?
Speaker 1:As if she's talking about his pee, pee you mean his erection was so large he was poking her with it In the tight space that they were in. Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 3:No, that's not what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:His erection is like pushing her back away from him.
Speaker 2:It's not at all what I'm saying, but I believe it, marky, mark, I've seen him in tighty-whities. Come on, guy, sure you have.
Speaker 1:Okay, boom, boom, boom, calls his buddy, steal a car. They go there. They see the boat, they realize that the auctioneer and her ex-husband. Nick are in it together and then they have a meeting. So the bad guys are meeting the Iranians, the Iranians come up, and then Halle Berry comes up with the drinks and everyone's like, oh my God.
Speaker 2:Can't believe it.
Speaker 1:I'm so surprised and then there's some shooting and then the auctioneer's bodyguards are like screw you, nick, you're on your own.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't totally understand. She double-crossed him. Yeah, but why does she have all the power?
Speaker 1:Oh, because she's the real evil villain. He's just another dupe in her game.
Speaker 2:Okay, so she's using him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course. Okay, he thought they were in love, but she's all like we're not in love. I'm about the money.
Speaker 2:Tough.
Speaker 1:It's tough to learn those things and somehow Marky Mark's able to come in a scooter and steal the money or steal the thing when she's got four bodyguards armed to the teeth yes, well, because they're pointing guns at hallie berry at the moment why don't they point them at the person stealing? That's.
Speaker 2:They're good, they're pointing it at hallie berry they point them at the thing, because they're all, they're already pre-engaged.
Speaker 1:Going like this very hard with a gun. We all know changing who you're pointing at is very hard with a gun.
Speaker 2:Once you line up those sights, you want to lock it in. You know what I mean Because you feel good, you're comfortable, you're like this is my target.
Speaker 1:Then we have so many chases for so long.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for too long.
Speaker 1:We chase on the marina, we chase through this Marky Mark on the scooter, chasing the motorcycles that he goes up above, and then he, because he worked up on the high rises, the scaffolding, so they have these perfect wood beams that he's able to kill two guys while while dancing from left to right, and I was like, could you like at least made that look a little real I mean, and because here's the thing right, at least they tried to use the job they gave him for like for something.
Speaker 2:They just it was a terrible they, it was a terrible delivery, but their heart was in the right place, and this was the point.
Speaker 1:In some ways, this was the I won't say the worst part, but it's the most. They sort of blew themselves up the most, because then you're like, oh, that's what the movie should be.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, it should be, but it wasn't at all.
Speaker 1:It wasn't at all, it wasn't. They kill a bunch of people and then Nick grabs Roxy and he has the gun, and then he won't take the shot, and then a car hits them and then Nick steals a purple Porsche and Roxy steals an orange car and Mike's. Oh, that was funny. Mike's on top of the bad guy, the Iranian's car, and then he stops and then he flies and he the Iranian's car, and then he stops and then he flies and he hits the back of a car in a trunk and the trunk shuts, closes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was pretty good, 10 out of 10. That's a 10 out of 10 thing. And then the chase continues and he's in the trunk of one of the cars in the chase and then they messed up the joke, which is just such a bummer.
Speaker 2:What's the joke? The joke is he calls Halle Berry and Halle Berry is in the chase and he's like I'm in a trunk, she's like you're in a trunk, and then eventually it slowly comes out as she's like ramming the car. She's like, oh, you're in that trunk and it just needed to be tighter because that's a funny scenario that you've set up and you just can't deliver the joke and I was real disappointed.
Speaker 1:Well, you need to play with it, right? She has to like intentionally hit the back of the car and then he's, he's like that, and then the front of the car gets hit and then, boom, the trunk shuts. So he's like it's constant. You know he's getting out, he's not getting out.
Speaker 2:You know, yes, 100%. You have to make up it, has to be a scene of it. You know like you set up the joke and just so dumb. Also, this is my least favorite line in the movie. In here too, at some point she Halle Berry pulls up next to the bad guy and he says something about how she can't catch him or something because her car is worse, and she says a direct quote from Fast and the Furious basically, basically, which is? It's not the car, it's the driver.
Speaker 3:She does say that.
Speaker 2:And then she is immediately outdriven by not just that bad guy, but the other bad guy that pulls up behind out, drives her. She's third, she gets third place. Why would you give her the line it's not the car, it's the driver and then make her the worst driver?
Speaker 1:And she, like, stalls out around this tree, yes. And then he flies by and he's in like this shitty blue car and the dude's in a purple fucking Porsche, yep. And the shitty blue car catches up to the Porsche and outpaces it. No world exists where the Porsche is losing.
Speaker 2:No world Unless she's the worst driver in the history of the world. No, it's Marky Mark and the blue car catches up to him. Oh right, yes, yeah, you're right, no.
Speaker 3:Yeah you're right, I don't know Terrible chasing.
Speaker 1:Awful. He then what's his name? Knocks him off the road and he goes off a cliff, just careens off a cliff, just careens off a cliff. I like that jump, that jump looked good, sure, yeah. And then she's all like there, she stopped. She's all like Mike, mike, mike, and it was the perfect setup, right. She's all like crying Mike. He needs to appear behind her and go what, what's wrong? But instead we see the bushes move and then he crawls up. I'm like and he hasn't even heard her yelling for him, which doesn't make any sense. The switcheroo has to be. You know, you got to pull out wide. He's standing there. He's listening to her cry for him, like, yeah, she likes me.
Speaker 2:She loves me. That's the joke, right.
Speaker 1:You love me, you miss me, you're crying. There needs to be more. They have banter, but they don't push each other ever.
Speaker 2:And it's not playful enough to me. They got to torment each other.
Speaker 1:You got to torment that other person, that's what love is baby? Look at what I do to Tony. I make fun of Are you?
Speaker 2:saying you love me Dan. You're finally saying it, I've said I love you. Tony, I know I love you too man, we love each other and that's why I'm allowed to make mean you kind of take that allowance. You know it's not not necessarily given, but it's fine, it's implied consent. It's implied consent. You signed up for the friendship guy Officer. It was implied consent. I don't think.
Speaker 1:Sir, I don't think that's how it works. No, no, it's implied.
Speaker 2:It is. It's great, it's great.
Speaker 1:Then this boat's coming to pick up Nick and then they crash the car into his car. Marky Marks, they're supposed to jump, he doesn't jump. I like that. Crashing the car, that was nice, and then she just murders him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she murders him, which is anticlimactic. She murders him.
Speaker 1:It's like you can't have the good guy with the gun on the person and then she just like eventually. Like okay, I'm done with the scene.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like all right, I'm bored, I'm going to light you up. Yeah, that's not how good people act. And then the boat just turns around and leaves, which is weird because they're coming for the whatever, the file, the brief you mean the 550 million dollar thing.
Speaker 1:Don't you think people would fight a little harder for the 550?
Speaker 2:million dollar thing. Oh, does she have a gun? Turn the boat around. We forgot guns. We forgot our guns.
Speaker 1:Let's get out of here was it really just 550 million yeah, yeah, that's what jk okay.
Speaker 2:hold on his team wrote or bid yeah.
Speaker 1:Talk about something funny, tony, I'm going to look something up really cool.
Speaker 2:Talk about something funny. What have I been doing for the last three hours, Dan?
Speaker 1:Exactly Start now.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, let's just talk about the fact that I think that they messed up the joke of the crash in the car as well, because it's very funny that he can't open the door when she jumps out and then they crash, but they never talk about it. There's never again. There's never a moment where she's like why didn't you get out of the car? You know like there has to be that part where she's like what are you an idiot? I told you I was gonna crash your car. You should jump. I couldn't grab your car's piece of shit. There has to be some sort of playful banter. But instead he is in a car, crash and it gets out and nobody talks about it. It's dumb.
Speaker 1:Okay, what do you? So they were talking about 550 million dollars, right, as if this was like the biggest amount of money in the world and they were gonna have to sell idaho to pay for this.
Speaker 2:I mean, there's not even bees, like there should be a, b in that in that sentence somewhere what do you think the gdp?
Speaker 1:this amount of money, that sort of cruises through Idaho, which has got to be one of the smallest states in America?
Speaker 2:Are they potatoes? I'm trying to remember.
Speaker 1:Yes, I think.
Speaker 3:Idaho might be potatoes.
Speaker 1:Idaho's potatoes.
Speaker 2:That's their export Great $117 billion.
Speaker 1:See the B. It's a B.
Speaker 2:It's a B. Right there, guys. $550 million, that's a B. It's a B. Right there, guys. I'm going to 550 million. That's a joke For every intelligence agency person on the planet. That doesn't make any sense. You know how much.
Speaker 1:California is 3.9 trillion. 3.9 trillion.
Speaker 2:It's a T. Wow, that's nuts.
Speaker 1:It'd be interesting to see because back when they were doing all that weapons of mass destruction and all that shit they used to send pallet loads of money USD over to those places. I wonder how much money was on those pallet loads. I don't know, but I bet you it was a lot of money.
Speaker 2:If I would have intercepted just one pallet, I'd be a happy man.
Speaker 1:Yes, you and I, we could split one pallet, one pallet. Okay. So they shoot him dead and they're like what now? What's the what now, tony? What are they? What now? They go to a wedding. They go to his buddy's wedding and they give the toast and Halle Berry wears a super, super hot, sexy lingerie cocktail dress that you don't even see. Did we even see it? Did we even see?
Speaker 2:the dress? No, I didn't even notice it.
Speaker 1:if I'm being honest with you, I mean it's all lacy and tight and black and you don't even you see Dana Delaney's blue dress, way more than you see your main star's super hot, sexy dress. That's like dress, malpractice, malpractice. I'm like the guy who makes that. I'm like the designer who designs that dress and I go to see the movie and I'm like the guy who makes that. I'm like the designer who designs that dress and I go to see the movie and I'm like I made her the smoke-cured Scott dress.
Speaker 1:I'm like where's my dress? Like everybody, all his idiot friends need to be ogling her and just be like, oh no, but no, we sit her behind a table. That's like up to here she's drinking. What is happening? Maybe, it was too sexy for the movie. Do they even dance? They?
Speaker 2:don't even dance. No, because they're just. They sit at the table and then they walk outside and then jk's there.
Speaker 1:So no, I don't think so got another job for you three days in marrakesh. But you can have three days to have sex.
Speaker 2:That doesn't happen right like it's obviously not that big of a crisis if he's, if he agrees to give you three days to get out there. Like we should be leaving now. We should be leaving your friend's wedding before it ends to get on the next mission like he crashes into the door.
Speaker 1:You know, give us right exactly like this is.
Speaker 2:We're in a crisis, something has happened. We need to move now, not like well, you know, someone might steal something in a couple of days, so I'm going to need you out there. But take your time, have some fun.
Speaker 1:You know what I think? I think we should write the union part two and write it correctly and send it in to the movie studio.
Speaker 2:We can get Bert Kreischer Did I say his name right that time To play the union guy this time, Because that's the kind of guy that I feel like. Should not that I like Bert.
Speaker 1:I love Bert.
Speaker 2:But like he needs to be a blue collar guy.
Speaker 1:Maybe they made this, maybe they wrote this movie for Bert and then.
Speaker 2:As much as I hated Bert's movie, what was that called again the Machine, the Russian one? Yeah, the Machine. I liked that movie better than I liked this movie.
Speaker 1:Oh, machine's a much better movie, Much much better movie.
Speaker 2:That's terrible. You got Mark Wahlberg and Halle Berry in a movie and I like Bert Kreischer's movie better.
Speaker 1:See, that's the thing. This movie barely understands what it'st like. Was was on the cusp of understanding what his movie was about 100 on the cusp of that movie was very close yeah it was very close, still missed.
Speaker 2:I want to be very clear I still don't like that movie but you think about the terrible russians.
Speaker 1:And even the action action in that movie was 10 times better than the action in this movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, a million percent. I got praise for the machine.
Speaker 2:I know I can't believe I did that. I feel sick. I feel physically sick. We got to watch that movie again. Don't do it, just don't stream it. Do I own it? You can watch it there.
Speaker 1:That's one of the few movies I would maybe sit.
Speaker 2:If it was on, I might watch some of it. I'd be like because he I thought he was a good actor, he was serviceable, he was fine. He had moments where I thought he was good Tony's like stick a knife in me, say Burt's a good actor.
Speaker 1:I hate you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's move on from the Burt talk, all right.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, well, so this is you know. Whatever, this felt like a Netflix movie and it was a Netflix movie, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean we talked about it last time when we brought it up but like, have there been good Netflix movies, Like a couple?
Speaker 1:Oh, we looked it up, didn't we? You looked it up, yeah we looked it up.
Speaker 2:I don't remember. I still don't remember what the list was, but there were a couple good ones. But you know, the percentage of ones that are considered decent movies is probably less than 1%.
Speaker 1:At this point it was a very you did not list off 10 movies that you're all like oh yeah, that was good. Oh, oh yeah, that was good no for sure not, it was like Brady Murphy. Dolomite was like number five.
Speaker 3:That is a good movie. That was a good movie, it was fun.
Speaker 1:Was it a great movie? No, it wasn't a great movie.
Speaker 2:Yeah it was a fun movie, but way better than all the rest of the junk on there. It was a bunch of junk.
Speaker 1:Okay, now it's the part of the show where we talk about something.
Speaker 2:We first Tony, so give us something you like, Tony, I have been thoroughly enjoying I mean, I finished it, but I thoroughly enjoyed Receiver. Speaking of Netflix, it's also on Netflix Receiver. Yeah, it's a docuseries on NFL. The top five NFL receivers, that's probably, but Devante Adams, Amon Ross, St Brown, Justin Jefferson, Debo Samuel and then George Kittle Managed to kind of follow them throughout last year. Oh wow, Like getting ready and then going through the season. It was really cool, it was really good. Last year they released Quarterback or something like that.
Speaker 2:Quarterback and that was really cool. But I actually like Receiver better. But it's great. It's like an eight-part doctor series. I'd love to watch that. That sounds interesting. It's great because football starts next weekend, so I'm just getting some content in Well.
Speaker 1:I also watched something on Netflix. It's the new Jeff Goldblum Chaos.
Speaker 3:Oh, Chaos it is not for everybody.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I'm going to give it a shot, but that's good to know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's based on Greek myths and Jeff plays Zeus and it's pretty interesting. I mean, the acting talent on the show is incredible. It's out of this world yeah. It's bonkers and like what's his name? I don't know the guy that plays Dionysus, who's his name. I don't know the guy that plays Dionysus, who's in Station 11. He's just so good.
Speaker 2:You love that show so much, Dave.
Speaker 1:Oh God, yes, that show's so good, I'm about due to re-watch the whole show. I'll re-watch that show every year for the rest of my life. I got to re-watch whatchamacallit too, scavenger's Reign, the science fiction animated show, which was Okay. That's one of those shows that they're not going to make another season of, and then they're going to take it off the platform and you're not going to be able to buy DVDs Ever again.
Speaker 2:And people are going to be so angry.
Speaker 1:It's like what's his name? You know Midnight Mass. It's like, what are you doing? Just make DVDs of these things, just make them.
Speaker 2:I would buy them, just make them for a minute.
Speaker 1:Yeah, come on, flanagan, because you're not losing money on it. That's the thing that doesn't make any sense. You can't lose money doing it, it's so cheap to make them.
Speaker 2:I mean, they released Stranger Things on Blu-ray DVD did they? Finally we bought those. Ted Lasso finally came to Blu-ray. We got that.
Speaker 1:I mean, I understand you want to keep people on the streaming service and pay for it.
Speaker 2:We want you to stay subscribed so you can watch the content if you're going to eventually get rid of these things.
Speaker 1:You should probably make a physical one, just so you can get the money one more time. Preach sister, it's weird, I don't understand it. Yeah it's weird, it's a bad choice there is no thinking involved in it. That makes any sense. Okay, you said that. I said chaos. Yeah, I'm super enjoying it. I'm going to finish it today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm super enjoying it. I'm going to finish it today. Yeah, I'm excited, I'm excited. I love Jeff Goldblum.
Speaker 1:So, Tony, give us a meaty movie to mouth out.
Speaker 2:Uh-oh, that's well, you're not getting that. This is actually completely in line with what we just watched. It is another new new movie.
Speaker 3:Oh good.
Speaker 2:It's another action comedy. It is not on netflix, but it is indeed on. Oh, what is it on? Maybe it's on one of the other ones prime peacock, paramount plus, I don't know. You'll find it.
Speaker 1:Uh, it is john cena and aquafina in jackpot I believe that's on amazon I didn't even list it shit.
Speaker 2:I listed four things I missed, struck out. I believe it's on amazon prime I think you're absolutely right.
Speaker 1:I think you're right. It's prime video. I saw the ad for it and I was like, oh yeah, we're doing that one yeah, we are doing that.
Speaker 2:It looks. I think it looks worse than the one we just did, so we'll see wow wow, wow I like I don't know it's paul fage. I don't know if I do you love him? He's like yeah, I think he does funny movies oh what, what has he done? He did bridesmaids right, that was funny.
Speaker 1:He, that was funny because the script was perfect he also did and the cast he did your lady ghostbusters?
Speaker 2:I did love that movie he did paul? Did Paul Feige, film director? Let's see what else he's done. He did what are they? Welcome to Flash. That's a TV series. I didn't watch Auntie School. Of Good and Evil the Hostage has he done anything? He did the Lady Ghostbusters? I told you that I mean yeah, but I'm still in 2020. Of good and evil the hostage has he done anything? He did the lady ghostbusters? I told you that I mean yeah, but I'm still in 2020.
Speaker 2:He does like a lot of stuff that I just haven't watched or heard of well, you could say those things, and then I could tell you what they were okay, someone great I don't 2019 I don't know what that is the shabbos guy, goy, goy, I don't know. Baldwin beauty, oh, that's a short film that doesn't count. Um, ebony eight, he does a lot of the executive, produces a lot of short films. It turns out okay. So he's just helping people spy.
Speaker 1:He did spy that was that, melissa mccarthy. Melissa mccarthy I.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure was Freaks and Geeks I do love that show.
Speaker 3:He's the Freaks and Geeks guy, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Bridesmaids, the Heat. So just a bunch of Melissa McCarthy movies, yeah.
Speaker 1:Ghostbusters Melissa McCarthy. I mean, I love Melissa McCarthy, but he does not serve her well, in my opinion. No, no.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I don't know not, not a ton, to be honest with you.
Speaker 1:there you go well, we'll give him a shot, we'll give.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I will give the old college try baby, baby, and I like john cena, but the last one we did. What was that? What was that last action comedy with him and, uh, allison brie, was that? Was that him? I'm pretty sure it was what was it. It was him and Alison Brie. He plays like her bodyguard in another country. She's a reporter. What Isn't that a movie?
Speaker 3:I don't think that's a movie we did.
Speaker 2:Freelance. We didn't do freelance. I don't think so. I feel like we did.
Speaker 1:I mean I watched it. I think you watched it. I don't think so. I feel like we did. I mean I watched it, I think you watched it, I don't think we did.
Speaker 2:If we didn't do it, we'll do it in the future. It is at 10% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Speaker 1:I don't think we did that one. Really I don't think so.
Speaker 2:We do a lot of movies. That's another. But, we're doing Jackpot. Yeah, what a show. Oh man, supernatural. Is that on your list? It's only 15 seasons. I've never seen that show.
Speaker 1:I think I watched one.
Speaker 2:It's good. It's a good show.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think so. I was more into the what was that Gooblok? What was the other one? The other one where everyone Gooblock, what? There's a show called Gremlin or something. What was the other one that was like the supernatural competitor Grimm, grimm, that was it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the Grimm's fairy tale, Grimm Gooblock same thing. No, those are not the same thing, dan. But Grimm's great, yeah, I loved Grimm. Yeah, great show. Not as good as Supernatural Gooblock Goob. Yeah, great show. Not as good as Supernatural Goo block.
Speaker 1:That's a good show, okay, so if you like what you just saw or heard, leave us a thumbs up, leave us a comment or subscribe. Those are all things you can do, and we'll be back next week talking about the Awkwafina movie. What's it called? Jackpot, jackpot, ooh, we're not going to hit the jackpot when we watch that movie, stinkpot.
Speaker 2:Stinkpot. Wow, good for you. No, what Should be fun. Goodbye everybody, bye, bye, bye. Hey, watch it With Dan and Tony. No-transcript.