Hate Watching with Dan and Tony

Hate Watching Speed 2: Cruise Control

Dan Goodsell and Tony Czech Season 1 Episode 203

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What happens when a guy who used to make crates for an art handling company in 1997 starts a podcast? You get hilarious stories, like Dan reminiscing about his crate-making days with staple guns and glue, and Tony suggesting he should shift to making custom jigsaw puzzles. And wait till you hear the mix-up involving Tony's aunt's name! Before we know it, we’re back in Hollywood, with Tony unveiling the movie of the week, setting the stage for a wild ride through disaster movie land.

Our critique session kicks off with a bang as we compare the classic disaster flicks "Towering Inferno" and "The Poseidon Adventure" with modern hits like "Deep Impact" and "Twister." Then, we dive headfirst into the chaotic waters of "Speed 2: Cruise Control." We dissect its lack of tension, shoddy writing, and bizarre action sequences, all while sprinkling in intriguing tidbits about Jason Patrick’s high school days and his enigmatic persona. Get ready for our final verdict on why "Speed 2" sunk harder than the Titanic, from its illogical plot points to its almost comically bad scenes.

But hold onto your life vests, because it gets even crazier. We chew through the baffling nonsense of "Speed 2," from a boat rescue gone wrong to a deaf girl improbably escaping an elevator. We’ll have you laughing as we recount the chainsaw-wielding heroics and near-death propeller escapades. And just when you think it couldn't get any more outlandish, we wrap up with some YouTube channel highlights and a disappointing Olympic event. Don't miss our take on "Solar Babies" next week—it's going to be a roller-skating sci-fi riot!

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Speaker 1:

We should probably do this show. Oh boy, A lot of things to talk about in this movie.

Speaker 2:

I mean yeah.

Speaker 1:

Somebody made this movie.

Speaker 2:

I don't want to say anything. I don't want to say anything. Hold on, let me get ready. I think today's a backwards cap day. I'm getting fired up, let's go.

Speaker 1:

Hey, watchin' with Dan and Tony, let's go Welcome to hey Watching with Dan and Tony. I am Dan and I am Tony. This is the show that dares to take you in a time capsule machine back to 1997.

Speaker 2:

I wish that we could get into a time capsule and travel back to 1997, dan, that would be a wonderful time for me. What were you doing in 97? You don't even know how old were you 50? 55?.

Speaker 1:

Wow, wow. No, I was born in 65, so that would have been 32.

Speaker 2:

Look at you a full-grown man.

Speaker 1:

I'd still been working a job. I think I worked a job until 1999. I quit my job and never worked a job again.

Speaker 2:

Were you working at an art gallery? You feel like an art gallery guy to me.

Speaker 1:

I worked at an art gallery at one point, but I worked at a place that moved artwork and created and packed it and I was the. I was the. I was a creating guy.

Speaker 2:

I made all the crates which was you made the crate like you put it. Is that how you make crates?

Speaker 1:

I don't know how to make a crate yeah, you have like a big shop and you have plywood and you have one by fours and then you make uh, you measure the art and then you, you make a you make a little square, and then you make a front and a back, and then you use a big nail gun Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Speaker 2:

Oh scary. Yeah, Remember, in one of the lethal weapons that's how he kills a guy. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Speaker 1:

Actually, we didn't have a nail gun. We had a staple gun. You don't have a nail gun, we had a staple gun. You don't use nail guns.

Speaker 2:

Too serious. Too serious for one of those, one by fours.

Speaker 1:

Staples are better, right, because it's a little.

Speaker 2:

Because it's two tongs, it's a little C.

Speaker 1:

It's two tongs. Yeah so those go in straighter right Sure, you use glue. Okay, so you set it with glue and then secure it with staples the glue is the long-term thing yes, okay, yeah, yeah okay, but um, but the key to it is that, uh, you know, like a nail, when that big head goes into wood, it kind of splitting stuff, yeah for sure more cracking as opposed to a staple which doesn't do as much of that.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, You're welcome everybody. This has been a very interesting conversation already. Yeah, I love it I love making crates, why'd you quit Crate man?

Speaker 1:

Because I didn't want to work anymore.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I still make crates in my own time. I just don't want to get paid for it.

Speaker 1:

I mean, if I had my own shop, yeah, I'd make crates when, I had to ship big things that are heavy, Good sale crates. Yeah, crates are fun and occasionally I still would make it. I still make it If they ship something that's big and heavy.

Speaker 2:

See, I knew it. I knew you still made crates at home I'll go and I'll get all all together. Yeah well, because you don't really have a place to cut it. I mean, we live in apartments.

Speaker 1:

It's not like you can just set up shop in your living room and start sawing stuff, that's no good, I mean, I have my scroll saw and I used to have a chop saw and now I have to carry them out by the carport.

Speaker 2:

Okay, and for those that are uninitiated like myself, what kind of two saws crop, crop saw. Is that what?

Speaker 1:

you said scroll saw scroll saw is a little one that has a little blade that you can, you know, make finer movements, like if you were making like. If you were wanting to make like a jigsaw puzzle, you could make that with a scroll.

Speaker 2:

Saw, oh, okay, did you ever make a jigsaw puzzle? No, I've never made jigsaw. Okay, well, you should probably do that. Make custom, uh custom ones.

Speaker 1:

I think people would love that. There are people that make very high-end custom wood puzzles and then a chop saw is one that just goes and so it's one that I slide the wood into and I like that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, okay, I think I've used that before, but you don't use a chop saw in a in a?

Speaker 1:

um in a shop you have a radial arm saw, which is the same thing, but you pull it out towards you.

Speaker 2:

so it's like at Like at Home Depot Like they have at the Home Depot. Yeah, okay, I've seen those. I don't use those.

Speaker 1:

And, of course, you have a table saw, which is like everyone dreams of having a table saw.

Speaker 2:

Oh they do. I have never dreamt that. I've never had that dream, dan.

Speaker 1:

Table saw. I've had a dream of having a kitchen table, because I've never had one of those, but not a table. Saw, you've led a sad life. So on this show we talk about Our lives, but we also talk about Movies, movies, movies, because we're from Hollywood, hollywood, hollywood, hollywood. And this week I was going to call you Wendy, you're going to call me Wendy, my aunt and uncle, tony and Wendy, so I was going to call you Wendy.

Speaker 2:

I don't even get to be the uncle in that situation. How did I become the aunt already? That's cool man. That's cool, I get it.

Speaker 1:

Tony picked a movie this week. Tony, why don't you tell us about the?

Speaker 2:

movie. Well, I mean, I don't know where it came from.

Speaker 2:

This is just one of those movies that's been on my list for a while and I definitely saw it. I just want to be glad I've definitely seen it before. I don't know if I sought it out back in the day when it came out, or maybe it was on rerun somewhere, maybe they aired it on television, maybe I don't know. I've definitely seen it, but never I don't think on purpose television. Maybe I don't know, I've definitely seen it, but never I don't think on purpose. Um, and it's just one of those, one of those movies that got everything wrong and everybody knows, and so it's just time to do it.

Speaker 1:

and this is, of course, speed to cruise control yeah, I've never seen this movie, I do remember at one point in the last 10 years I watched the ending where the boat crashes into the thing I know. I watched that scene at one point Because it's so riveting.

Speaker 2:

You were like I need to see this.

Speaker 1:

And they spend a lot of money on that scene. Oh I can imagine. And it's just like.

Speaker 2:

The most lackluster thing you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, agreed.

Speaker 1:

There was some movie where they did there was a tidal wave and then they had the tidal wave come in and then the people were running away and trying to survive.

Speaker 2:

So scary? Yeah, that sounds great. Is that Deep Impact by any chance?

Speaker 1:

No, it's like a real movie.

Speaker 2:

First of all, how dare you? Deep Impact is a great film. Are you not a disaster movie fan? I feel like you didn't like Twister. Oh, I'm unbelievable. Twister is incredible. Paxton, come on man.

Speaker 1:

Well, I grew up in the 70s so I did all the 70s disaster films, so was that Inferno.

Speaker 2:

Towering Inferno Okay, which I've never seen. I hear is is great no, they're terrible.

Speaker 1:

Oh god, they're most of them, but you know I don't think you like them, dan I don't think that your opinion on disaster movies is what we're gonna go with.

Speaker 2:

Poseidon adventure oh the poseidon adventure, sure the ship turns over, then they have to climb through the ship.

Speaker 1:

That one's pretty funny. I've rewatched some of that one. It's very silly. And then there was which makes sense with this movie. There was one called Juggernaut.

Speaker 2:

I've never heard of this.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because it's a good movie. There's the bad guy and he plants all these bombs on a ship and then he's all like. You gotta pay the ransom or I'll blow up the ship.

Speaker 2:

Anthony.

Speaker 1:

Hopkins yeah. Holy crap, and then they fly a couple of bomb guys onto the ship and then they have to work their way around and they have to figure out. I want to watch this movie again to see if it's good. I think it's interested in watching this yeah, but it's tense and it's real and the end thing is the red wire, blue wire, red wire, blue wire. You're just like red wire blue wire.

Speaker 2:

When's he going to?

Speaker 1:

die. He's never going to die. And this movie where a guy sort of does some stuff on a ship and it's the same sort of movie and yeah, never once do you have, did you? Was there any level of tension in this movie at all?

Speaker 2:

ever there was some tension, okay, between Sandra Bullock and Jason Patrick. I felt like they had some tension, not in like a sexual chemistry way in like a way. I don't think they necessarily liked each other. That's complete conjecture. I have no knowledge of that whatsoever. But they have zero chemistry and half the time I feel like he's annoyed with her well, I have some inside information.

Speaker 1:

Oh, you do you know, like not in books, not on the books about this. My wife went to school with Jason Patrick.

Speaker 2:

She did, yes, she did what was he like in school?

Speaker 1:

Dan.

Speaker 2:

Can we spread this around Is?

Speaker 1:

this allowed. This is the dirt that she said I was allowed to say, she said she has first-hand knowledge. This is the best. He was a loner.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, loner, I get that. He seems very, very lone wolf kind of guy, doesn't he? I get that big time. Was he attractive, like? Were ladies like, oh, he's mysterious. Or was it just kind of like, okay, he's a weird guy.

Speaker 1:

I didn't ask her that, shannon.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, get her in here, Get her on the pod.

Speaker 1:

Now in the old Jason Patrick days, when you were in high school with him, were the girls intrigued? Was he like the good-looking guy that everybody was like? Oh, I want to.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, was he like James Dean? Brooding, mysterious guy? What was that? Dan Crack?

Speaker 1:

off a piece of that.

Speaker 2:

Kit Kat bar. Oh, crack off a piece. Okay, alright.

Speaker 1:

He never dated anybody at school?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but he never dated anybody at school, yeah, but he never dated anybody at school. Smart, you don't want to mix that. So we kind of thought, maybe, since he was a theater kid oh, he was a theater kid, oh, he was a theater kid Good for him.

Speaker 1:

We had some questions about his sexuality.

Speaker 2:

Sure, I get that we were more interested in his dad.

Speaker 1:

Actually, you were what More interested in talking to his dad. They were more interested in the dad, dad who was the star.

Speaker 2:

Is he famous he?

Speaker 1:

was the star of the Exorcist. He played Father.

Speaker 2:

Caris, father, caris, he's dead by then.

Speaker 1:

She thinks he was dead by then.

Speaker 2:

That took a real turn. By the way, we're definitely more interested In the dad, but he's dead.

Speaker 1:

He's super dead.

Speaker 2:

From the resident, like super gay guy who was in the theater.

Speaker 1:

There's a super gay guy who was in the theater.

Speaker 2:

Oh, there's a super gay guy in the theater that gave them the dirt on him.

Speaker 1:

He was not, you know, he was a good looking guy.

Speaker 2:

Good looking guy, dark, mysterious, kept to himself, built his body a little bit. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, All that makes sense to me. If I'm just being completely honest. I feel like if I had guessed what he was like in high school, that would have been close to what I guessed yeah, and he I.

Speaker 1:

I read something about this movie, he's. He said that he never even saw the movie after it came out I mean good for him, lucky in big move on.

Speaker 2:

I feel like that's one of those things where you would watch it and be like well, I suck Boy, oh boy. I got to quit the biz because I'm terrible and he's not terrible. That has nothing to do with him. Well, maybe not nothing, but you know it's not his fault for sure. This movie is not good top to bottom.

Speaker 1:

The writing is terrible on this movie. The plot is terrible.

Speaker 2:

Yep, the writing is terrible on this movie.

Speaker 1:

The plot is terrible, yep. The motivations are terrible, the setups are terrible, the action is terrible.

Speaker 2:

The sequel-ness of it is terrible Because I did a double header this week and I watched the original Speed and then immediately watched Speed 2. And it is wild how misrepresented she is in the second movie as compared to the first Because she was like super great miss america, sweetheart.

Speaker 2:

everybody fell in love with her and in this movie you're just like well, she's very attractive um sure, but she's like ditzy and like, oh really incapable of like, the driving test is wild. Right, she drove a bus, she drove, she jumped in and drove a bus. She drove, she jumped in and drove a bus and she can't drive a car. All of a sudden, like what is, what is? Why would you even do that? That's so weird. She's the one person that was like you know what, I'll jump in and I will drive a fucking bus for four hours at plus fifty five miles per hour. Right, like why Now she can't drive a car? It doesn't make any sense, dan. Right, like why now she can't drive a car.

Speaker 1:

It doesn't make any sense, dan. Yeah, the characters are unappealing and you never, you never go like oh, I hope they do. Ok, you're just like things keep happening.

Speaker 2:

There are parts of this movie where I'm like is Jason Patrick the bad guy? Because he's giving me bad guy vibes right now. I don't know.

Speaker 1:

There are parts at the end where I was like wait, how did? They get on that thing, because I was so not paying attention.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, you can't worry about that Wait. Where are we now?

Speaker 1:

I was like wait, the bad guy's still alive. I thought he died. No, no, he never dies Top of a bowl, I'm like wait what, oh, never dies top of a bowl.

Speaker 2:

I'm like wait what, oh my god, with the yeah. Well, we gotta talk about that either way, because that is ridiculous.

Speaker 1:

Okay, we start some rousing music. The title starts to across the sea and then onto the, the, the streets, and then a motorcycle why did we start in the sea? I don't know it's weird.

Speaker 2:

We're like all of our credits are on the ocean and then we do a hard cut to a motorcycle. I was like, wait a second, just have the credit somewhere else.

Speaker 1:

No they well. They start by cruising over the sea, then they're cruising over the land oh, then it's pavement. That's right, you're right do have a, we have transition between these things. There's no reason means nothing there's no reason why we start on the water because we're not doing anything with the water initially.

Speaker 2:

No, in the first one I don't know if you remember there's a nice, a very long, a little too long, but a tracking shot down an elevator shaft as the credits roll. Oh sure, Because he's in an elevator, Like the whole first set piece is an elevator, so it all makes sense. This doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1:

And I believe in the setup of the first one. It's a tense setup. Oh dude, Jeff Daniels gets hurt seriously and you're worried about he's going to die right.

Speaker 2:

Well, I mean spoiler alerts for the original speed. Everybody. We gotta warn you. But basically there's people trapped in an elevator. The bad guy Is gonna drop them if they don't give them money. They save them, but then they chase him down and Jeff Daniels gets captured and Keanu Reeves shoots him in the leg In order to not have him bring.

Speaker 1:

So he can't take him with him.

Speaker 2:

The bad guy would be slowed down yeah, and it's a wonderful, wonderful moment and there's, there's humor, it's tense. You think people are gonna die. Like it's really good you. Oh, this opening scene. You're like, holy shit, this is a movie and this is not this movie, is not that at all.

Speaker 1:

It's this terrible motorcycle chase of a guy chasing after a diaper delivery van that a guy has stolen some electronics. This is our big setup for our movie. We have to match Speed 1.

Speaker 2:

It's so weird, dan, because in Speed 1, the whole setup is it's the same guy right Like Keanu Reeves foils his plan, so then the next plan is it's the same guy right like keanu reeves foils his plan, so then the next plan is basically revenge on him. Yeah, like it all ties together.

Speaker 1:

This one is like well, sandra bullock doesn't know what he does for a living, so that's why we're doing this yeah she, she's taking her driver's test at the same time and then she meets up with him and she finds out that he's a daredevil cop, just like her earlier boyfriend. Finds out that he's a daredevil cop just like her earlier boyfriend and she doesn't want a daredevil cop.

Speaker 2:

And he's been lying to her. And then we just kind of drop that by the way for the rest of the movie. But here's my big question, dan. Yeah, big question, my biggest problem with this whole movie, biggest problem, Okay.

Speaker 1:

Oh, the camera work.

Speaker 2:

Oh, okay, I mean I have lots of problems, but this is what threw me the most Is that Jason Patrick is off on a motorcycle mission, right, but she thinks he works at the beach, he's beach patrol or something, which doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1:

He does that. Sometimes he says there's a line okay, okay sometimes I fill in the beach.

Speaker 2:

His boss, the guy who's calling the shots is the same boss from the first one. Yes, so where is keanu reeves? This is the same.

Speaker 1:

Not only is it the same precinct unit, isn't it the exact?

Speaker 2:

same unit like from my understanding yes, jason patrick keanu. Reeves characters are best friends. They work together every day. It doesn't make any sense to me.

Speaker 1:

It's so confusing well, I'm gonna tell you something is okay, tell me, tell it, tell me. This whole movie is like, uh, about giving the people that the director guy likes money, right.

Speaker 2:

So he let that guy.

Speaker 1:

you know he let the guy in the other movie come be in this movie. The guy at the end that had his car taken in the chase he's riding.

Speaker 2:

And he's. He's so good in the first movie. By the way, he's so funny in that scene.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's a scene yeah.

Speaker 2:

A hundred percent. But like I watched that scene and literally I turned to Naomi I was like I hope he worked again because he's really good. It turns out he's worked a bunch Good, Just like a ton Still working now from what we could tell, which is amazing and that's awesome. But then he showed up in Speed 2 and I was like, oh no, he almost ruined the career with this Coming back. Don't come back.

Speaker 1:

And that's you know. He, like he has UB40, do music in one of the scenes and he just got a lot of people paid, I think, with this movie and it kind of showed. This movie kind of shows that, like everybody's, kind of having fun, too much fun, and it becomes so unserious because the first speed was pretty serious.

Speaker 2:

I mean it's super, yeah, super serious.

Speaker 1:

They had jokes in it, but this one they were like we'll make this a fun romp and you're like no, no.

Speaker 2:

That's not what we want.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because when it does get the things that are supposed to mean something, we're like no, I don't buy it.

Speaker 2:

I don't buy it at all. I just can't believe it's the same director Atoll. I just can't believe it's the same director. I didn't know that going in and I was shocked, Shocked to my core.

Speaker 1:

Was it the same director? It's the same director. He's not the director of photography on that first one.

Speaker 2:

No, he's the director. Oh okay, john Bond, john Bond, that was really insensitive what I just said. That's not his name. I apologize, let me look it up so I can say it. Say it correctly, real quick. John de bon, john, that's how I'm gonna say it. And um, but he like wrote the second one. Oh, okay, that's. I think that's where your the big problem comes in is that he didn't write the first one. There was two writers that wrote the first one. They had pitches. He was like nah, and then he co-wrote it with someone else, the second one. And then that's your problem, that's your problem right there.

Speaker 1:

But isn't this one also based on like the second Die Hard, like a second Die Hard movie pitch or something? Well?

Speaker 2:

so it's like, from my understanding is, yeah, this a die-hard pitch, and they were like, not bruce willis shut it down, he, I think it was a script. I think it was a script. Bruce willis thought it was too generic to be a die-hard, and then they, so they retooled it to be speed two so this movie at times does feel way more like a die-hard movie than it does.

Speaker 1:

Um, but a but a bad one. But a bad one because it's it's not him. One of the other main problems with this movie Is it's not about the two of them Working together to get somewhere. It's sort of him being John McClane and then her sort of being A hostage or a person that maybe Is running a side quest 100% and that's not what Keanu Reeves is, not John McClane.

Speaker 2:

Like Keanu Reeves isn't a mcclain. Like keanu reeves isn't a guy in the wrong place at the right time, right. Keanu reeves is a guy doing his job straight top to bottom. He's lapd. This is his job, he's just good at it, right. Like he goes above and beyond the call of duty, jumps on the bus and you, you know, to save everybody, that's great. But he's not already on the bus as a passenger? And then it's like, oh, now there's a bomb and he has to then step up.

Speaker 1:

That's not what it is. It is a different character bit, isn't it? Yeah, 100%. The other thing is I realized an easy way that you could have made this a better movie.

Speaker 2:

Great, I'm listening Make him a firefight with all the fires on the boat that aren't fires, and he already knows that. That's actually really smart. And also, jason Patrick plays a firefighter. Well, he plays a guy playing a firefighter in Entourage, so he's already ready, he's got it down. He's going to be good.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because the firefighter would have made more sense. It would have been a lateral move and you could have made some really nice set piece at the beginning, where he does something and then she's walking by and she's all like she sees him coming down on the thing and she's all like wait I thought you worked a dispatch or something and you know it's like, yeah, well, and it would just make more sense than her being like I would never date a cop.

Speaker 2:

Hey, I'm gonna date the next date, the next cop I see, it just doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1:

It's weird.

Speaker 2:

Just don't have her write that have them break up for a different reason. You know what I mean, Like it doesn't? It's bizarre. He moved to Venezuela and I didn't want to go. He left his unit and then the guy that they hired in the new unit, I decided to date instead. You know great.

Speaker 1:

So he instead, you know great, so he buys them, uh, cruise tickets, so they're gonna go on a cruise.

Speaker 2:

And then his idea is to propose to her um, let me tell you why this is confusing to you. Why is this confusing? They have they're having a conversation. When he brings up the cruise, yes, she's like it's been seven months and I feel like I don't know you. And he's like, hey, let's go on a cruise, get to know each other. Yeah, first of all, it's been seven months and you guys don't know you. And he's like, hey, let's go on a cruise, get to know each other.

Speaker 2:

First of all, it's been seven months and you guys don't know each other. It's not a good start. But also he's going to propose to her, even though his pitch is let's go on a cruise and get to know each other. That doesn't make sense. There's a big gap between get to know each other and let's get hitched, and between get to know each other and let's get hitched.

Speaker 1:

And it's also that the man wants to push forward a marriage.

Speaker 2:

It's not your typical trope and it's not true to the world either. I mean, I do get it because it's Sandy B, you know what I'm saying, but also it doesn't feel like this guy's character at all.

Speaker 1:

No, it doesn't. This guy does not feel like this guy's character at all. No, it doesn't. Yeah, this guy does not feel like he. He never acts like he needs her, or even.

Speaker 2:

In fact, he sends her away almost every chance it gets. He's like you know what? You go with them, go with the helpless people. I'm going to go save the day and like the very the very first night.

Speaker 1:

he gets up early because she was sleeping. He didn't want to disturb her. He's out skeet shooting.

Speaker 2:

I mean yeah.

Speaker 1:

And it's like I understand that you're trying to set it. They were trying to set up a dynamic that they. You know that he does these kind of things, but that's who he is Exactly.

Speaker 2:

He's not a romantic guy. No, no, he doesn't need he doesn't need a wife, you know.

Speaker 1:

So they have this great suite which you're like who's paying for all this? So we meet Willem Dafoe, who's playing Geiger, who's the bad guy, and he's all like where are my golf clubs? Where are my golf clubs?

Speaker 2:

My golf clubs, which is kind of weird, because when you go on a cruise are there a lot of golf excursions. I've been on a couple of cruises and I've never seen a golf excursion. I could be wrong. I could be wrong. I'm not sure they were going to the Bahamas, right.

Speaker 1:

Is that what they said?

Speaker 2:

Sure, are there a lot of golf courses in the Bahamas? I don't know.

Speaker 1:

In my experience, the things I've read about cruises.

Speaker 2:

Is you go?

Speaker 1:

and you're there for like two or three hours and then you get back.

Speaker 2:

And then you're out. Yeah, it's like, it's like a half a day Usually you don't have like 12 hours or nine hours where you get off, you do breakfast on the boat usually, and then you do dinner on the boat, so you have like the afternoon to go do your own thing, and there's usually there's things you can sign up for.

Speaker 2:

There's things you can sign up for. There's tours and stuff. We generally don't do those. We like to just go shopping. Oh, you've never been on a cruise, dan. Should the four of us go on an Alaskan cruise? No, would you do Alaska? No, you don't like the cold.

Speaker 1:

No, we went to Mexico and stayed in an all-inclusive resort and that was great.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's fun.

Speaker 1:

I love those.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, food, was you eat as much as you want too, right? So much good food. Yeah, very nice Fresh food, good for you.

Speaker 1:

Greatest salads ever. Okay, so Geiger's our bad guy. We see that Alex has brought the ring. We do this weird musical number, and does she dance with Geiger? Is that?

Speaker 2:

what happens. It's like this weird. I mean, they're all dancing. I don't know if she dances, she definitely talks with him, right she?

Speaker 1:

talks with him. Oh yeah, she talks with him, and then he gets jealous and he's all like who's that your boyfriend? Who's your boyfriend over there at the bar?

Speaker 2:

you're just like there's also a really weird moment that he, as a cop, he should have clocked. When sandy walks away from willem defoe, defoe gives like the creepiest defoe checkout ever. He's like leering at her and he does a weird smile. And you know, when it comes from like a charming person, I'm sure it's fine, but it comes from defoe, you're like red flag, red flag, red flag.

Speaker 1:

Someone, get him off the boat there's one point in this where he like opens his eyes real wide. He goes like you're just like whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean so when he's being a crazy the green goblin's coming out.

Speaker 2:

You know what mean.

Speaker 1:

But he clocks that he's not watching the golf on the TV. Yeah, but he wants his golf clubs and he's all like, hmm, mysterious.

Speaker 2:

Which, honestly, there's a lot of people that love to golf that don't like to watch golf, because watching golf is boring as shit. Nothing happens. And I love it like I'll watch a golf on sunday morning. That's fine with me because I'm a big, fat, lazy slop. You know what I mean. But not everybody likes to watch golf. That has nothing to do with it. That's terrible detective work.

Speaker 1:

But this, you know, there's like two or three detective moments in here and they're they're all equivalent to that, where you're just like right, I don't think so I, I understand he's the bad guy and you're going to have to figure it out. But that's not to figure it out.

Speaker 2:

This is a logical leap.

Speaker 1:

So, geiger, we see that Geiger's in his room. He's unscrewing the golf clubs. The golf clubs are bombs. The golf balls are bombs. He's got leeches.

Speaker 2:

Bombs and he's got leeches. Bombs and he's got leeches. I'm like who's?

Speaker 1:

he going to use these leeches on Well himself Spoilers. He has designed the computer system on the ship. He's angry at them. He's going to maybe destroy the ship or maybe steal all the gems on the ship.

Speaker 2:

Bit of both, or both A little bit of both.

Speaker 1:

I don't know what he. He's dying because he got copper poisoning Cause he worked with computers, all not things, and he's using the leeches to leech the copper out of him so that he stays alive. Not a thing.

Speaker 2:

Also, I will. I mean, the leech therapy is a thing right like. I've seen that before. That's a real thing, but I don't know exactly what it's used for. Do you know what, like in general, what it's actually used for?

Speaker 1:

I looked around I I didn't see that this could do anything. I mean, it's just, it's so weird Because you're just you're doing the leech thing, just doing it to be weird.

Speaker 2:

Right, oh well, listen, and yes, I mean 100%, because it is weird and it freaks me out. And Willem Dafoe, 1 million percent, using real leeches on his body, which freaked me out to no end. Have you ever been in a lake and then come out with a leech on you? It's the scariest thing ever. You look down and something's like sucking on you. It's terrifying. I hate it. One time I had a leech on my my tuchus, and I didn't know for like an hour and I was like I'm dead, I'm going to die, and then the longer they're on, the harder they are to get out. It doesn't matter, but anyhow, leech therapy I looked, I just Googled. This is Google, this is not me. It's a medical treatment that uses leeches to improve blood flow and circulation in a specific area. So it's kind of like cupping because they're sucking the blood out of it. So, like I guess it would, it would increase blood flow to it it.

Speaker 1:

It probably um see it gives. It has a decoagulant in its pride, in its saliva because it doesn't want you clogging up, but it wants the blood to flow. So maybe that decoagulant also goes back in you and makes your lets your blood go hot.

Speaker 2:

That checks out. Nothing to do with copper.

Speaker 1:

It seems like a big stretch and so, yeah, it's like it's just to be weird. Well, it works. It is weird. The funniest thing I saw online. Someone was like you know movies that you could easily defeat the bad guy, but they don't get around to doing it. And they were like you just need to take his leeches away because he'll die of the copper poisoning. And you're kind of like, well, he's still gonna die of the copper poisoning right like he's.

Speaker 2:

That's his whole plan. He is dying. He's not staying alive. This is his last plan. This, he is dying. He's not staying alive. This is his last plan. This is his big out.

Speaker 1:

He doesn't need leech therapy every 45 minutes to survive.

Speaker 2:

He's not going to die immediately In this two-week cruise. If he doesn't have his leeches, he's going to be fine, he's going to live through it, guys.

Speaker 1:

And he doesn't. You know the supposed copper poisoning. There's never any effect to him right?

Speaker 2:

No, he seems fine. Well, it's the leeches, you know, he's totally fine.

Speaker 1:

The thing about poisonings that kill you. All sorts of bad things should be happening to you, I would think.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, oh, your body's shutting down left and right Like it's being poisoned. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so that's him, boom, we. Okay. So that's him, boom, we're doing a. I think we might be at a. No, he did dance, she did dance. No, they dance. He and her dance Gagging with the leeches.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, they boogie.

Speaker 1:

He starts going around in the secret rooms in the ship and starts turning things and clicking switches and man fucking things and he sneaks into the um, he sneaks up to the bridge and plants a thing where he can listen to them. Then at some point he's like saying their lines along with them before, before they say it I was like, oh, one of these guys is a plant and he's like talking to him and saying, but it's the other way around.

Speaker 2:

That's how you know it's not it because it's, I don't know, it's so weird that was one of the weirdest scenes in the whole movie.

Speaker 1:

It's like what is happening?

Speaker 2:

well, he just knows how they're gonna react.

Speaker 1:

Because he's so smart, because he designed these computer systems and you know, there's one thing we know about people that design computer systems they know human beings really well, so well.

Speaker 2:

So that's. Yeah, that's one of the the classic tropes of computer nerds. Is there?

Speaker 1:

people, people so we have the dinner. There's like overweight people, there's a deaf child. There's the diamond jewelers of america. We're like, oh, that's what this is about the diamond jewelers, america. He's gonna act like he's trying to blow up the ship, but really he's trying to steal all the diamonds Because if this 100%, when this was a diehard movie.

Speaker 2:

That was the plot Like, without a doubt, because they're always like, oh, it's a terrorist, but really we're just after money, because money, money, which is great, so that would, but as a speed movie they were like, well, that can't be the point of the movie. So he's got to do both, I guess.

Speaker 1:

I don't know. That's the being with him. He almost proposes, but then she's all like you're not going to propose to me. Basically, he's all like no.

Speaker 2:

You're right, I'm definitely not, definitely not, never would.

Speaker 1:

Put that away. Was he underdressed?

Speaker 2:

Because at one point he has to buy a tuxedo to make her happy. So she says it. The next day they see suits and dress clothes in a window. She's like did you feel underdressed last night? And then they buy new clothes. I guess that's weird, I don't know. I assume that at some point he showed up in a tux for a scene and they're like why is he in a tux? Do we need to add a scene where they talk about buying a tux? I don't know, it's too confusing Audiences won't follow it.

Speaker 1:

So he breaks into the engine room, he breaks into the power supply. He's doing everything. Alex sleeps. Geiger leeches himself. Alex is ski shooting. We Geiger leeches himself, alex is ski shooting. We talked about that Wait hold on.

Speaker 2:

I have two questions. One, back at the dinner with all the fat people. Why are the fat people talking about weight loss? That's like their company is weight loss and they're like we believe in fats. Fats are good for you for weight loss. Who wrote that? I didn't? Who thought that was a good idea? It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

Speaker 1:

All these bonus characters that we spend time with that are supposed to be comic relief or something. Yeah, absolute zeros Every scene that we cut to them. We just don't want to be in those scenes. Get us away. Do not rescue them from the burning hall.

Speaker 2:

No, yeah, just leave them Okay. The second question is about this skeet shooting. Yeah, is he doing that into the ocean? Just leave them, leave them Okay. The second question is about this skeet shooting. Yeah, is he doing that into the ocean? Are they throwing the clay pigeons into the ocean? Yes, exploding clay pigeons and then fish are eating the clay.

Speaker 1:

I don't know why the fish would eat the clay.

Speaker 2:

Because they're just polluting our oceans. Something's going to eat it, Dan.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and they're going to eat a piece of clay, and that's going to eat it. Dan, okay, and they're going to eat a piece of clay, and that's going to do what?

Speaker 2:

You don't know what fish is eating. Fishes don't eat. But it's just. Why are we throwing stuff into the ocean on purpose? I don't understand the point of that. And he's throwing bullets All bad.

Speaker 1:

Well, you're not throwing bullets, he's skeet shooting, and so you're shooting a shotgun which is shooting shot, which is metal, it's little pellets, which guess what?

Speaker 2:

The fish are going to eat the pellets, Dan.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, what's going to happen to fish if they eat a metal pellet?

Speaker 2:

Who knows? I've never seen a fish eat a pellet, but I bet it's not good. I bet it's bad for them, why would?

Speaker 1:

it be bad for them.

Speaker 2:

They're probably going to get copper poisoning Unbelievable. It's not a copper pellet.

Speaker 1:

I understand it's not copper. If it's lead shot, that's probably not good for the fish to eat.

Speaker 2:

It's bad. You shouldn't be doing this into the ocean. I think it's weird.

Speaker 1:

Save the ocean, save the ocean. Would you order against?

Speaker 2:

saving the ocean. Tear Absolutely. Dan Goodsell, anti-ocean, Putting his flag down right now.

Speaker 1:

Comes out against the ocean. I'm anti-ocean putting his flag down right now comes out against the ocean. I'm against the ocean, basically, okay, um, then they, they have their sort of argument, you know, oh, I like taking care of you because he fell asleep because he said he was he sick. But we didn't believe it, he vomited oh did he vomit.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, they do like a pan from, uh, the bathroom that or maybe not bad, maybe a waste basket that's like covered in dried vomit.

Speaker 1:

It was really unnecessary and gross glad I was writing something down when that happened and once again uh, this never comes up again, he never gets, he's sick again.

Speaker 2:

It's just well not only does he never get sick again, but she never takes care of him again. He doesn't let her take care of him like he's very against that.

Speaker 1:

This is dumb movie and she says to him I don't even know your cop number yep no one would ever say that. No one would ever say it doesn't make any sense, uh.

Speaker 2:

But also, who cares? Why do you need to know his badge number? I've never dated a cop, I'll just say that, but I don't. I don't know what good knowing the badge number would be. But they try to make it like a very special moment later in the film where he tells her his badge number and that's like. That's the moment where you're like oh, he's in love, yeah, he loves her, he gave her the badge number. What a, what a guy. Very weird.

Speaker 1:

Let's see Boom, boom, boom. Geiger gets the purser. The purser comes in his room and Geiger captures him. And now he has a purser's outfit that he can walk around. And we later find out that he kept the purser in a closet and didn't just kill him. But also, why didn't that guy just leave the closet? Well, he's tied up, I assume.

Speaker 2:

So roll out of the closet.

Speaker 1:

Well, he might be locked in the closet, trapped in the closet trapped in the closet?

Speaker 2:

Uh, I just didn't he. They just they opened the closet later and he's just in there. Hey guys, I'm in the closet. Okay, why are you still there, bro? Get out. The guy willem dafoe hasn't been in that room for a day.

Speaker 1:

You've had time to figure out your life he's just digging that um, the ship is now four percent off course. Then we do the tuxedo.

Speaker 2:

And he also bought her lingerie, I think yeah, I think that was the fancy clothes, but he just went sexy instead of fancy.

Speaker 1:

And now Willem Dafoe meets the captain and sort of yells at him and then hits him with this piece of metal and then he just throws the captain overboard very easily.

Speaker 2:

Now was it like a lookout? You know one of those. What are these? Called Binoculars, Kind of like they have at the Empire State Building up top? No, no, it's not what it was.

Speaker 1:

I don't know what he hit him with. Is it a thing you sort of swing over the side, maybe for ropes or something? I don't know.

Speaker 2:

I don't know either. I don't know. It feels as if it was something he could easily have gotten out of. Oh, you mean like he could have stepped back like one foot and avoided it. Just one step, I think.

Speaker 1:

Or he could have just run away from him and been like there's this weird guy doing weird stuff. No, he's like keep standing there, I'm listening to you and you're battering me with this thing.

Speaker 2:

Just get in with the thing he battered me with this thing.

Speaker 1:

You're just like how does he have?

Speaker 2:

control over this captain. That's an adult male.

Speaker 1:

You know it's, it's weird, and then he just falls over the edge and then some other people come up and then we don't even do a thing with having them. Hear the captain yelling no, no, they just.

Speaker 2:

They take a picture with him because they're willem dafoe.

Speaker 1:

No increase in tension, nothing, nope. Okay, let's talk a little bit about the deaf girl and the weirdness between her and Mr Patrick. Mr Patrick, wow, she's almost 15.

Speaker 2:

Who puts that in a story, who writes that and thinks that this is okay to say?

Speaker 1:

He leers at her a couple of times. He literally leers at her like he's interested in her.

Speaker 2:

Here's the thing there's a lot of movies where younger people, of either sex, gender, right, fall in love with older people. Sure, it's always unrequited, right? Blake check. Okay. Okay, maybe not always, but there are points in this movie where I agree with her, where I'm like no, I, I think he's into you. You are, you are getting mixed signals at best, because there are points where you, where he's looking at her, I'm like he wants to fuck her. I'm pretty sure he's into this. It's weird, dude, it's super weird, so weird. Take it out. No reason for that to be in the story, none at all. It just makes me not like Jason Patrick very much, because he's kind of weird. It's gross, okay, but she's great, by the way. I don't know why she's in the movie but I think she does a great job.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, she does fine. Geiger turns off the engines. They're off dancing, and then he's like I think we should, and then because they turn off the engines, Okay, so you're confused by this too. Okay, good the entire ship begins to explode and shake and fall apart and aren't they just on water?

Speaker 2:

shouldn't they just continue to glide? They should just slow down incrementally as you go because of the friction I don't understand what's happening.

Speaker 1:

Turning off the engines doesn't do much in a ship. There's not a lot that happens.

Speaker 2:

I mean, I guess, maybe because it's so heavy that if you're not being propelled, maybe it. I don't know, man, I don't know.

Speaker 1:

It's a bad thing to turn off the engines. I feel like.

Speaker 2:

I've been in a boat. Yeah, hold on, I've been in a boat. Yeah, hold on, let me, I've been in a boat. I don't feel like I have been in a boat. There it is and I'm trying to remember if we've ever just cut the engine, and I feel like we have, and it wasn't, we didn't.

Speaker 1:

You know, die, I'm assuming he's setting off the explosions, but they don't really tell us that.

Speaker 2:

Say that yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I don't know, it was a weird scene. So he calls the bridge and he's all like the captain is dead, you have to evacuate the ship, and then he blows up stuff to prove that he can blow stuff up. Yes.

Speaker 2:

And to kind of fake the fires. Right, is this? This part? Yeah, is this when he fakes the fires, faking?

Speaker 1:

fires and you're kind of like what he needs to do is he needs to turn off the ship. Then he should call them and say I'm in control of your ship, I've turned off your ship and now your ship is going to begin to explode. Boom, and they're like no no we're not going to evacuate. He's like I will continue to cause another explosion every 30 seconds until you call for the evacuation Every 30 seconds.

Speaker 2:

That's so fast and you're ruthless.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I'm going to ask you a question, tony. How? Many golf clubs do you have in your golf bag? No, how many woods do you have in your typical golf bag? How many?

Speaker 2:

woods. Well, let me say I have zero, zero, but I feel like most people have one, three, seven, one three, five, so probably three oh, that's it yeah, I mean you have your driver always right. You have most people have a three wood and then you probably have like a five or seven and then you have a hybrid. But I don't know if hybrids were were around in the 90s I'm not, I can't remember when you don't have six or seven. Oh, no, God. No, you would have like seven to nine irons for sure.

Speaker 1:

Oh, really, you have lots of irons, woods you don't have that many woods yeah, no, for sure not. I guess he's only got three bombs.

Speaker 2:

That's a good point.

Speaker 1:

They show the pile there's like 14 of them.

Speaker 2:

I mean he has all woods, from what I could tell. So if anyone was paying attention they'd be like why does he have 15 drivers? This guy can't even putt right now. He doesn't have a putter.

Speaker 1:

He should have seen the golf clubs again. Why does that guy have four seven woods? That would stick. If you was a golfer, you would notice that, wouldn't you?

Speaker 2:

Oh for sure. Yeah, yeah, definitely. It would be a weird you'd open that bag and be like what the hell's going on? This guy doesn't play golf. He doesn't know nothing about nothing. You golf salesman, who knows, are you selling these woods Because I'm interested?

Speaker 1:

So he's like I'm going to blow stuff up, I'm in control 15 minutes to evac, or I burn it down and then the fires go. And they did these weird. There's fire doors, which I was like that can't be real, but there are fire doors. Maybe they're probably on the ship.

Speaker 2:

I guess Maybe they are. Yeah, I honestly have no idea. I mean, I suppose like engine room and stuff to stop the fire from spreading to passenger quarters, maybe.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I don't know. There are these doors that they can shut. The deaf girl gets locked in an elevator, jason Patrick's like okay, I'm going to go to the bridge. I need to know what's going on, because these fires seem fake. Right, because he smelled the fires.

Speaker 2:

He's all like that's a sulfur fire. How could there?

Speaker 1:

be a sulfur fire on a boat, which would make a lot of sense. If you're a fucking firefighter.

Speaker 2:

If he's a firefighter, yep.

Speaker 1:

But he's a fucking stupid LAPD. So he goes to the bridge and what does he mean to say I'm LAPD, I'm allowed to be here. You're like what the fuck?

Speaker 2:

are you talking about? You're in international waters, bitch. You have no jurisdiction here, whatsoever. Engine room what is it called?

Speaker 1:

so weird, yeah, um, okay, let's see. Wait, there was a good moment. What guy there was something that happens at the boat. Okay, so they're trying to they evacuate everybody except one boat and then we get we get a whole action scene where they try they have to save the people from the boat and then he goes down there and then there's a jammed winch and then he climbs down there and then a couple people fall to their deaths, I assume oh yeah, they're for sure dead this is okay, yeah, you finish there's lots of whining, lots of music, and then annie eventually just gets the gangplank to go down and everybody just sort of walks off.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, a lot of problems with this scene. Dan Wait, hold on, I haven't done my thing.

Speaker 1:

Here's my explanation of the camera work of this movie. Sorry.

Speaker 2:

This is the movie.

Speaker 1:

Are you ready for the movie? This is the movie.

Speaker 2:

You're going to make me sick. Also, don't forget about the flashing lights. For a good 45 minutes, with shaky camera and flashing lights, I felt like I was going to throw up the whole time.

Speaker 1:

I've never seen a camera so shaky as this movie.

Speaker 2:

It's so bad man, it's awful, awful stuff, really, truly terrible. So back to this boat thing. Right? So the reason why the two people fall is because one of the ladies is trying to climb out and our hero says don't climb out, you're going to unbalance it, or something like that. Yes, and then they fall to their death. Yes, but then Dante crawls out on the edge of it and almost falls off. So Jason Patrick jumps Onto the boat and that doesn't cause it to lose its balance, that doesn't make any sense to me.

Speaker 1:

It's never because it's not about her. It's because what he said was bullshit Right, because the two lines are fixed Right. Yep, 100%. It's just weird was bullshit Right Because these are two, the two lines are fixed Right.

Speaker 2:

Yep 100%.

Speaker 1:

That's not about that.

Speaker 2:

It's just weird. And then nobody else is helping. He's the only guy that climbs down and tries to help them. All of the boat. People are just kind of standing there and they're like whoa, what is he doing? What's he doing?

Speaker 1:

Oh, stop it. What are?

Speaker 2:

you doing down there?

Speaker 1:

we're gonna, we're gonna yell, stop it at him for the first half of this thing. Then we're gonna be like, don't tell us what to do those people.

Speaker 2:

Don't help those people, they're dead already. That is bizarre. And then annie is just like well, let's just use this thing here. That goes right down to the boat. I don't understand what's happening.

Speaker 1:

It's weird. Then we see the girl in the elevator, the deaf girl. She does a thing where she puts her arms here and the legs there. Then she, crab, walks up and then is able to reach around and push up the thing and then climb out through the exit of the elevator.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, dan, how, how small is that elevator? Very small she's I don't know what four, four, four foot, five, five foot, at most, four and a little more. How is she reaching the two opposite sides of an elevator?

Speaker 1:

to climb up.

Speaker 2:

it Very small and then somehow maneuver out the hole Also jimmy it open because I imagine it's heavy. How does she? It's bizarre, it doesn't make a lick of sense. I mean, yeah, I don't know what to say. I don't get it. I don't get it. It was weird if I laid down and I am a really tall guy, uh, if people don't know this, I'm about 5 10, so below average. Uh, I can't reach the opposite sides of an elevator, for sure, not not even close. Like maybe if you go door side to back right Instead of length wise, maybe, maybe I could do it then, but you could, I don't know. Man, we should test it. Let's get in an elevator.

Speaker 1:

She should have been on board as like a gymnast. Then we'd been like, okay, that would have been on board as like a gymnast.

Speaker 2:

Then we'd been like, okay, she's a gymnast, that would have been fun, yeah, and then watch her do some gymnasty things.

Speaker 1:

So Patrick's on the bridge. He's like he stands there and he goes like, okay, the bombs with the smoke are rolling around. Somehow he figures out that they're rolling around and then he goes like this so they're in golf balls and there's a crazy golf ball person on the ship. Geiger's our man. He's the bad guy.

Speaker 2:

Got him. He's definitely the bad guy. It's Geiger. I've known it. The whole time he hit on my girlfriend. He's the bad guy.

Speaker 1:

Because there's golf balls rolling around causing fake fires.

Speaker 2:

That is your first thought Because there's golf balls rolling around causing fake fires. But also, why are there golf balls in this engine room?

Speaker 1:

Or where are they what's it called? The idea is that the golf balls roll based on the ship moving, and then that causes the smoke.

Speaker 2:

No, I mean, I get all that smoke no, I mean, I get all that but he says it because he visually sees two golf balls.

Speaker 1:

Oh, yeah, yeah in wherever they are, we're we're wherever they are. Ceremonial golf balls on the yeah, so he picks them up in his hand.

Speaker 2:

He's like golf balls. That's the only explanation. What? What do you mean, guy? It's great, great detective, we're two for two this guy. It's so weird. It's great, great detective work, two for two. This guy Unbelievable, he's pretty good.

Speaker 1:

So they go to the room, they find the leeches Geiger decides to torment them by like I made the system, I was sick. And then he's like say goodbye Alex. And then he's like say goodbye Alex. And then he presses the self-destruct button and Alex like runs just in time and jumps out of the room. And these are just, they're the worst. Run out of the room and jumps.

Speaker 2:

I mean they're very, very bad. But also we cut to Annie's group of people and they feel the boat shake when that explosion happens. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense to me.

Speaker 1:

This boat is so big they couldn't feel that in a million years it's so big Dan.

Speaker 2:

There's no way that that tiny explosion that didn't even kill the people in the room is felt by people across the ship. It's just not how things work is felt by people across the ship.

Speaker 1:

It's just not how things work. Yep, so Annie and Dante are helping these, the weird people that are trapped in the hall. Annie goes and finds a chainsaw, she chainsaws through the door and then stands in the opening where the people would like to leave, with the chainsaw running and points it at them and she's not only running.

Speaker 2:

it's not just running, it's still spinning Like. She's not only running, it's not just running, it's still spinning, like she's still holding the trigger like oh, the trick, what? Oh, so you can have a, you can have it run and then when you push a trigger, it spins I mean, I guess I don't know if that's how they used to be, but for sure because you can start it. Have the motor started but then you go.

Speaker 1:

You know what I mean. She is menacing them with that and they, they're all like why are you menacing? Why don't you move back?

Speaker 2:

And he has to tell her multiple times. I assume it's because she can't hear, but it's just weird. It's very weird. She is not the same character as she is in the first movie at all.

Speaker 1:

Let me ask you a question, Dan you ever been face to face with a chainsaw?

Speaker 2:

It Let me ask you a question, Dan. It was funny. You ever been face-to-face with a chainsaw? It's just very scary. That's all we used to do haunted hay rides.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And there'd be a guy that you know would have the chainsaw and he'd come out of the shed, bust open. There'd be a strobe light and he'd be like vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. That areas part. That's all I wanted to talk about. It brought back a lot of PTSD.

Speaker 1:

Chainsaws. You know you don't mess with the guy with the chainsaw. People that have a chainsaw know they have a chainsaw.

Speaker 2:

You got it all darn right.

Speaker 1:

Oh, this chainsaw. Oh, I'd forgotten I was holding it. It's right in front of her face.

Speaker 2:

It's right here when she's talking. It's dumb. Also, why is there a chainsaw on board?

Speaker 1:

You need to cut down a lot of trees on a cruise ship, so Alex is hanging out with the navigator and then he goes down there and he's like we gotta stop the ship. The dude's like, oh god, stop the ship. He's like we gotta slow down the ship. We gotta flood the ship to slow it down. Why, wait, why?

Speaker 2:

I don't know man.

Speaker 1:

Have we established anything that's happening with the ship?

Speaker 2:

No, Because no.

Speaker 1:

So why does he want to slow it down?

Speaker 1:

um, because it's speed there it is, because it's speed, he knows the movie he's in, so they do this whole thing. And then he they're flooding the bottom of the ship and then he sees the little girl and he's all like oh, I gotta go save her. And he's all like I know exactly where to go and he goes down, he saves her. Then they go to the laundry room and they hang on the laundry thing and then they go to the stairs and then she's all like I love you. And he's all like how old are you? And she's like I'm 18. I'll wait for you. And he's all like no, she said 15. Oh, that's what I said. I didn.

Speaker 1:

You said 18, which is great. That's fine. She's like I'm 15. And he's all like well, see you then.

Speaker 2:

Basically, Cool, cool baby. It's really weird. Also, I don't understand the ship layout. I don't understand what just happened, how they went through a clothesline. It's weird.

Speaker 1:

How you leave an elevator that was on one of the passenger decks and you go through the top and then you end up at the bottom of the ship.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, doesn't make a lot of sense.

Speaker 1:

You don't head towards the bottom of the ship. No one ever heads towards the bottom of the ship.

Speaker 2:

Nope, that's not where you belong.

Speaker 1:

So they have a situation oh, Annie and Alex get back together. Everybody's there, when is he? And he says he's everywhere. What the fuck did he mean? He's everywhere, you know just spiritually. Then he immediately catches him. I think he's got a gun at this point. Don't know where he got a gun, okay, and he points at him and he's like I got this bomb, I'll blow up the ship. I'll blow up the ship, which he's already doing, right.

Speaker 2:

He's already done a bunch of that.

Speaker 1:

And so Alex doesn't take the shot.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, don't take the shot.

Speaker 1:

Great stuff Could take the shot and just be done with this guy and then deal with the consequences. He's ready to destroy the whole boat before he's basically ready to sink it. But now he's not willing to take the shot. And then Geiger's in control of the doors and he's on the televisions. And because he's on the televisions, Alex shoots the televisions.

Speaker 2:

Because now he'll take the shot.

Speaker 1:

Like why are you shooting the television? It's not like he's looking back through the television. He's looking back through a camera, maybe somewhere yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know it would be wild if he shot the TV and then like the screen shatters and it's Willem Dafoe's head with a bullet in it, like oh he was there the whole time.

Speaker 1:

That'd be good, that'd be a fun twist, huh, and twist, huh, and then he gets to the one thing, and then he, he stops with enough time to see that there's like a little tiny black scratch and he's like that's not a scratch. He doesn't say this.

Speaker 1:

We're supposed to figure this out, that's a trigger, and so he knows that there's a bomb on the door. And then annie comes, and then he has to get her to tell her, him the number of what's on the bomb, so that he can know what the bomb is. And then she does a thing, and then they catch it, and then they take it, and then they the pin's not all these scenes are just very confusing so bad also where does it, where does that thing go?

Speaker 2:

because we just kind of move on to the next scene and that that grenade is somewhere it's almost like you could have taken that with you and used it for something.

Speaker 1:

Hey, there you go. How fun is that? So they want to slow down the boat, because I guess they figured out that it's heading towards an island and that'll kill them, or something I mean well, because I think they said it's heading into the side of a cliff I mean, can't they all just jump off of the boat right before that was so?

Speaker 2:

this is my question at any point. Why don't we just abandon ship and then, just, you know, let the ship do what the ship does?

Speaker 1:

I mean certainly there's like magical secret boats you could just use that. You'd think that the first officer would know that there are magical boats that they could just. You know, you have a thing that goes down that you'd think that the first officer would know that there are magical boats that they could just. You know, you have a thing that goes down that you could just leave the boat.

Speaker 2:

But also, you could just swim at this point. Yeah, if we're going to crash into an island, we can swim. We're close enough at some point we could just swim. I don't know. Yep, I mean, they talk about the people get sucked down into the propellers. We're close enough at some point we could just swim. I don't know. Yep, I mean they talk about the people get sucked down into the propellers and that's. You know, that's part of the bad thing.

Speaker 1:

Don't believe that. Don't believe that for a second. Don't believe it.

Speaker 2:

Well, it happens a little bit later, so get ready for that.

Speaker 1:

So he's like we got to stop the thing. So what we're going to do? Oh no, then they see the oil tanker. They're heading right towards an oil tanker. He, like Geiger's, looked out and said, oh, there's an oil tanker.

Speaker 2:

I'll just I guess I'll just adjust it straight to that. Yeah, so.

Speaker 1:

Alex is like throw me in the water and then we'll put a rope on the thing and that'll do a thing and might do a thing. He goes in the water and then he does the thing and then he gets caught by the rope, but not really caught by the rope, so we don't see him injured or anything happen.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, I know he's fine.

Speaker 1:

And Geiger has taken the time to come down there to start menacing people, and so Alex has fixed it. Alex is up there and Geiger's got Annie. So he grabs Annie. He's like I'm taking her hostage. But he says you, what does he tell him? He has to do, he has to do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Oh, they do. The badge number bit in the midst of all this. Oh, the witch collapses but refers to the leeches as his little nurses.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's so cute. The tanker's trying to pull up anchor. Okay, so he's like let go of Alex, because Alex is on a rope or something and Alex has to let go of the rope and then I guess supposedly the propellers are going to suck him in and he's going to die.

Speaker 2:

They suck him right in. And then how do they?

Speaker 1:

save him.

Speaker 2:

So she pushes the button as he's dragging her away, because Willem Dafoe didn't pay enough attention, so she starts the wench again, I guess.

Speaker 1:

So I guess he's able to swim.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, he's fine, he's totally fine.

Speaker 1:

He gets out and he's taken, he puts her in this other boat, they tie, he ties her up and then, as he's leaving, then Alex tries to make the jump and he misses it, so he's in the water.

Speaker 2:

It's super weird, and then there's no consequence to it.

Speaker 2:

He just he jumps back in says Annie, and then he just climbs right back up. Why? He jumps back in, says Annie, and then he just climbs right back up. Why didn't he get sucked into the propeller? That's what I thought, dan. You can lick your lips at me all you want, sir, I don't understand anything. He jumped into the water behind the boat. He should have died. He should have been sucked into that propeller that we've been talking about all day. If not, everyone should just jump off the back of the boat and be fine. Also, my favorite thing in the world, dan, is when we cut to the tanker and they're pulling up the anchor. Hey, that rhymes. The captain says something along the lines of how long is it going to take to get moving?

Speaker 1:

eight minutes seven or eight minutes is what he said. Seven or eight minutes, eight minutes.

Speaker 2:

Guys, this is not an exciting action scene. We have eight minutes before anything happens, and then the captain's like you're going to do that faster, don't you know?

Speaker 1:

Don't you know how am I going to do it faster? It's like things like that. You know, this is not Star Trek, where you're like oh, just throw some more dilithium crystals in there and it'll work out. It's like if somebody says to you, it's going to take five minutes to do this, you can't say do it in half, that you can't do it in half.

Speaker 2:

No, it takes five minutes, guy. That's how long it takes. I'm not guesstimating, this is estimating. This is how long it takes. Yeah, it's not you can't do a bonus thing to make a make a machine turn on you know it's like boil that water faster.

Speaker 1:

You're like water boils at the amount it boils that. That's how it works, oh my god, great stuff. I love this movie okay, uh, boom, boom, boom, they're running out of time. Then they gotta go down and back to where they caused the problem with the ballast. And then they gotta go down and back to where they caused the problem with the ballast. And then they gotta undo that by swimming underwater. And people complain about not being able to swim. It's just like oh my god, I do not care what is happening?

Speaker 1:

then they at the last minute they turn enough and they scrape against the thing and and they're okay and everybody's like we lived.

Speaker 2:

Yes, for a brief moment, and then it's the best part of the movie.

Speaker 1:

What's the best part of the movie?

Speaker 2:

The next 30 seconds, Every character in this movie says oh shit, as they look at where they're heading. There is six cuts in a row of different people going oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. It's so weird. I've never seen anything like it before in my life and I love it.

Speaker 1:

They should have had the whole town look up and see the thing, and then the town could have been oh, shit, just shit, oh shit.

Speaker 2:

That would have been amazing. This movie would have gone from terrible to amazing instantaneously.

Speaker 1:

So they throw down the anchor and the one anchor blows up, and then they go for anchor two and then they're like anchor two is stuck and I thought they were going to have to do something to unstick anchor two. Nah, we're not going to have room for that.

Speaker 2:

We're not going to have to do something to unstick anchor to that.

Speaker 1:

Nah, we're not going to have to worry about it. So then we have a lot of wacky things where the boat hits people that are water skiing and they're like Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2:

Whoa, or they're on a boat, they're all like.

Speaker 1:

Whoa, whoa, whoa, and then it just sort of slow motion runs.

Speaker 2:

And we keep on like seeing how fast it's going. He's like we're going four knots, three knots. Do you remember where it started? How fast it started? 10, right, 10.5. Do you know how fast 10 knots is? No, it is approximately 11.5 miles per hour. Yep, speed to 11 miles per hour. What is happening? This is the least exciting action sequence in the history of cinema.

Speaker 1:

But there's all these funny things that happen. There's like a guy who has a car and there's like a dog that runs away and that gets on the car and the dog barks at the thing and then you're like, what's going to happen to that dog?

Speaker 2:

Nothing, but you knew what was going to happen in the car right, or you immediately were like well, that anchor's going to fall in the car right. I felt like that was pretty obvious.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I really wasn't paying attention, I missed that.

Speaker 2:

Oh well, there you go.

Speaker 1:

It's just bad. It's just really bad. It hits a little bell in the Timmel Tower and it goes boom and that was the end, so, and then it tips over a little, and then they're all like we lived.

Speaker 2:

So he goes and yeah, he says we're docked, or something like that, which is a funny line.

Speaker 1:

It's funny. So Alex goes and steals a boat from the guy that they stole the car from in the first Speed movie. Yeah, of course, and he's like why are you doing this, why are you doing this? And his girlfriend's all like this is great, I'm enjoying all of this.

Speaker 2:

She's just having the time. She's at points. She's screaming Woo, she's woo-hooing, it's really weird.

Speaker 1:

And then somehow Annie and Geiger are in different boats. I missed all that.

Speaker 2:

They're on tandem jet skis that are some I've never seen this before but are connected into one, Like they're docked into something that makes them one boat, but they can release. There's just a lever that just says release and each one can be released from it. I've never seen anything like that. I'm sure it exists. But he takes her on a joint jet ski and just doesn't expect her to pull the release. That's the crux of it. He's he's shocked when she pulls, pulls the release lever to get away from. I can't believe you thought of that. I don't know. So it's great stuff we have like.

Speaker 1:

He eventually jumps back onto her boat.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Let's see when am I at Somehow the boat that. What's his name?

Speaker 2:

Steals $150,000 boat. It's a fancy boat. I think that's just a callback to Speed 1. I can't remember how much he says his car is worth, but it's also fair. I's like a hundred thousand dollar car or something. So they just had to up the ante, you know, for speed two cruise control.

Speaker 1:

He gets. Geiger gets to a seaplane that he has waiting there for him. He gets on the seaplane and then alex has to shoot it with a fishing pole and then he goes out the front and then he's like water skiing, like you know he's just doing like this, and then he pushes the little button on it.

Speaker 2:

That's, that's reel it in, and he goes do you have any idea of the forearm strength that would be necessary to hold on to a vertical pole while your body weight is being dragged against the waves without a board of some sort, which, by the way, he very clearly has? Did you notice that?

Speaker 1:

No, I didn't he's very clearly on some sort of wakeboard kneeboard.

Speaker 2:

There is a board underneath him because the waves are spraying and you can see it under his body and I was like, okay, you guys should do a better job of shooting that, but that's fine the unbelievable thing to me is that fishing line is going out there and uh-huh it's a fishing pole that shoots out.

Speaker 2:

I'm like I don't know what this is and some sort of deep sea fishing type of thing, and this thing has attached to that boat so that it's able to carry a 200 pound man a human through the water and all the print I'm just like and pull him closer, and then pulls him closer.

Speaker 1:

There's so much tension on that line this little motor that's in this thing is then pulling him in yep. Then he gets on the boat and he punches him and then somehow, like the, the two of them end up on one of the pontoons of the boat yeah, it just falls off.

Speaker 2:

I kind of wasn't sure how this happened either, but they're on it and then it just falls off at some point and they ride it down, which is weird, to say the least he goes right, going right towards the oil tanker.

Speaker 1:

He pulls up but there's like a pole and he hits the pole and then I guess he gets stuck on the pole.

Speaker 2:

Here's what happens. Yes, I mean you're absolutely right, but this is why it's weird. He pulls up over the ship, right, he's pulling, he's pulling. He looks over his shoulder and he notices he's safe and he smiles, but continues to look down. He's like this Ah, I've made it. And then he looks forward and he runs into a pole. Now, the problem with that is that one. He's fine, like he just kind of sits on it. He's like whoa, what just happened? He's out the window, right, I mean, he's getting propelled. That's a sharp stop.

Speaker 1:

Yes, just like the people that shot out the window when the boat was coming in. Somehow it's coming in and they shoot forward out of a window. Yes, I don't understand that.

Speaker 2:

I don't know what to tell you, but that is what happened, the thing that's weird is it doesn't look. Look like one thing. That's weird. He doesn't. He didn't like wedge through it, right like crisscross. It just looks like he landed on it. That's the way when they cut back to it. That's what it looks like he just landed on it. I don't know, it's really weird. It's really really weird.

Speaker 1:

So Annie somehow is tied up and then she's sinking and then Agnes can't find her, and then he finds her, and then he gives her the breath of life which which is not sexy in this movie, but when the mermaids do it in Hook, it's the sexiest thing in the world.

Speaker 2:

Do you remember that? You don't remember that? I'm disappointed in you, Dan. You're ruining my whole childhood.

Speaker 1:

Geiger's alive up on the pole, and then it drips gasoline, which then blows up the entire tanker.

Speaker 2:

Which is what they were trying to avoid the whole time, I'm pretty sure, isn't it? He did it. Isn't that what they were?

Speaker 1:

doing. They're all right. They see the bag of diamonds and the guy in the boats. Like international waters, I get to keep them.

Speaker 2:

But how does he know what's in the bag? He wasn't on the ship, Dan. He just sees a backpack floating in the water, grabs it and goes look what I found in international waters. He doesn't know what he found, for all he knows it's nothing and there's just a bunch of towels.

Speaker 1:

it is so weird oh, he gives annie the ring which somehow he's had in the pocket the whole movie and never, never, lost it. Come on, he's been in the water and she's all like okay, but only if I get to make the travel plans from here on out. Then we have a post scene where annie's taking her driver's test again and poor tim conway's, I'm afraid I would be afraid too, she's. She was a terrible driver and she almost runs into a bus and she's all like stay off of those things.

Speaker 2:

And then she screeches out right, they cut to black and there are crash sounds.

Speaker 1:

Oh, really Did you notice that?

Speaker 2:

There's literally car crash sounds and then music starts. Why?

Speaker 1:

Why she's a bad driver. This is like Three Stooges shit, she's a bad driver. She's a bad driver, are they?

Speaker 2:

all dead Dan Is.

Speaker 1:

This is like Three Stooges shit. I don't know. Are they all dead?

Speaker 2:

Dan, is that the end of this movie? Yes, tony, that's the end of this movie. What a good time.

Speaker 1:

It was terrible it was really bad. It was one of those movies where you're like I don't even want to watch these action scenes because there's not going to be anything in them.

Speaker 2:

That's even good, what action yeah?

Speaker 1:

There's non-action, acting, you know. It's like I'm all for, like a person having to swim somewhere and you're afraid they're gonna die, because that's scary, that's scary shit absolutely and we've seen that in movies many times where you're like it's like ah because they can't find.

Speaker 2:

They can't find the opening. You're like oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, you're gonna die. Yeah, that's my nightmare. Drowning is not how I want to go, so that's how Tony's got to go, people. Let's make it happen. We got to make it happen, baby. Let's do this. Here's the thing, dan right.

Speaker 1:

What's the?

Speaker 2:

thing. Tony Keanu read the script and was like, no, I'm not doing that movie. They put him in movie jail for I think it was almost 10 years. They wouldn't make another movie with him because he turned this movie down. Really, which is I get it because I think they blame him for it not doing well, but this movie would not be better with Keanu in it. No, that is not the problem with this movie. Keanu was right and this script is fucking trash. Horrible movie. Keanu was right and this script is fucking trash. It's a horrible movie, Made worse because the first one is so good and you just throw away everything that movie did, for this movie Shouldn't do that he made the right choice.

Speaker 2:

Can you imagine if he would have come back? Oh God, what a disaster. His life would be very different, I think.

Speaker 1:

Now he's one of the greatest action heroes of all time.

Speaker 2:

Yes, sir.

Speaker 1:

Hands down period. Yes, sir.

Speaker 2:

Matrix, john Wick, the Replacements oh, that's a good movie, is that about?

Speaker 1:

football players.

Speaker 2:

That is about football players. I'm proud of you, Dan. I understand things.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, this one's just like. There's not even anything to hang your hat on. It's just really nothing entertaining about this movie.

Speaker 2:

It's a nothing movie and don't watch it, sandra.

Speaker 1:

Bullock looks good all through it, though.

Speaker 2:

I mean, when does she? Oh, speaking of which, happy birthday, sandra B. We're recording this Two days after her 60th birthday.

Speaker 1:

Excellent, she's great. Now we're talking about something we like. This week we found this new YouTube channel. He's called the Craigslist Hunter and he runs a pawn shop. It's like a pawn shop, but he just buys and sells. He doesn't pawn.

Speaker 2:

It's in wisconsin or someplace, oh wisconsin, I think it's called crystal lake, like as in friday, the 13th camp crystal lake it's called that or something and his name is pete.

Speaker 1:

He's like this polish guy.

Speaker 2:

Polish Pete.

Speaker 1:

He makes like a video every week and it's just like mostly it's just a static cam of the front counter and people bring stuff in and then he negotiates with them and you're watching this, Dan. Oh, it's so good I've been watching all of it. I was just watching ones this morning where he goes dumpster diving, like literally Literally goes dumpster diving.

Speaker 2:

Oh, where he goes, dumpster diving Like literally Literally goes dumpster diving.

Speaker 1:

Oh no, I'm not doing that. He went on Black Friday because he's like everyone's going to be out in front. He's very smart. And then this other one he went back behind Petco, found a gigantic full-size aquarium, perfect shape. He also found a dog cage and like 15 big bags of dog food that weren't expired. And the coolest thing was he took the dog food and he gave it to the local shelter for free. Yeah, that is good. And you're just like oh my god, it's just a lot of stuff like that where it's like kind of heartwarming stories. You know, sure you know about this guy. Like you know, he's real straightforward and he's never bullshits these people. He's always like I gotta pay you 50% of what it's worth. I can't give you what you could get on eBay, Right?

Speaker 2:

because I'm a business and I have to make business when I sell it. Sorry, that makes perfect sense.

Speaker 1:

It's super entertaining, super fun. What do you got, Tony? You watch a dick talk to a bitch. What that was you?

Speaker 2:

No, I think that we all saw this coming from last week Dan we saw Twisters. Twisters Terrible, unreal. It is so good, perfect movie. Don't listen to people that say it's not perfect because of the ending, because it is perfect and you are idiots.

Speaker 1:

But I can't spoil it. It has has a terrible ending. I'm so happy.

Speaker 2:

No, there's just so one thing missing from this movie that people are like upset about but they're wrong spielberg was like hey, cut that, and they did. And now everyone's mad that they cut it. Oh okay, I'll just tell it's the kiss they don't kiss at the end of the movie Spoiler alert, and everyone is they're all mad about it and it's wrong. That's not what the movie's about. It's not a rom-com.

Speaker 1:

Because he should be kissing you, tony. Is that why?

Speaker 2:

I mean, I'm not against it, glenn, if you're listening. I'm here, I got big, soft, pouty lips. It's going to be nice, so you love Jason Patrick, we've established that. I love Jason Patrick. He's great. Nope, you know. So let's see here. What has he been in Dan that we like? Well, we're going to find out. Oh no, are you picking another Jason Patrick movie Of?

Speaker 1:

course I am. I'm picking one of his earliest movies, one of his earliest Jason Patrick. Of course I am, I'm picking one of his earliest movies.

Speaker 2:

One of his earliest, jason.

Speaker 1:

Patrick. Jamie Girtz, lucas Haas, who's Jamie Girtz? Jamie Girtz, you don't know who Jamie Girtz is.

Speaker 2:

It sounds familiar. Should I know?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean the same sort of time period she's been in movies. She's a movie star Okay, great. The movie we're picking is a sci-fi.

Speaker 2:

Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, I know who she is. I just looked her up. You're doing Lost Boys.

Speaker 1:

No, we're not doing Lost Boys.

Speaker 2:

Oh, thank God. Okay, I was gonna fight you right now, because that is the greatest film of all time.

Speaker 1:

We're doing a classic. The classic is Solar Babies.

Speaker 2:

What the hell is that? Solar Babies, which was made the year before the Lost Boys Okay, oh, that's fun. So she plays Star in the Lost Boys as Jamie Girtz. So they did movies back to back years. I wonder if there's something going on.

Speaker 1:

Do a little research. They said who Jason Patrick was. Jason Patrick dated somebody and then he dated this other woman and then she had a baby with his sperm and then he wanted the baby. There's a whole weird thing.

Speaker 2:

Wait, what are you saying? Okay, I'm going to have to do some deep diving on Jason Patrick. That sounds like a soap opera and I love it.

Speaker 1:

By deep diving it means go to Wikipedia.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, he was I mean when I say deep dive? I just Google it.

Speaker 1:

We don't do any actual work.

Speaker 2:

No, no, no, no no.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Solar Babies is, I think, going to be one of those super duper terrible.

Speaker 2:

Well, I watched the trailer and it just looks like it's going to be one of those super duper terrible. Well, I watched the trailer and it just looks like it's going to be terrible. Okay, they're roller skaters. You know, they've the roller skaters. They're not what I solar babies I am, so I'm gonna have to watch the trailer. I'm so confused on everything you're saying. Solar babies are roller skating.

Speaker 1:

No, nope, yep, it's gonna be good so if you like what you see, give us a a thumbs up, give us a subscription or leave a comment. We haven't had a comment in a few months, so we're ready for another one.

Speaker 2:

So bring it on, bring it on everybody. Say a word, just one.

Speaker 1:

We're working towards a million subscribers. Once we get to that.

Speaker 2:

Tony and I can clear the job. Slow and steady wins the race. That's what they say, Dan.

Speaker 1:

It's going to happen, it happens, you know it's going to happen.

Speaker 2:

It's going to happen. If we make it 10 years, I think we're going to have a good following.

Speaker 1:

I can promise you, I'm not making it 10 years.

Speaker 2:

Well, I don't like that defeatist attitude, Dan. We're already halfway there years.

Speaker 1:

Well, I don't like that defeatist attitude, dan. We're already halfway there. What is this year six?

Speaker 2:

you might make it to 10 years, but I'm not, I don't know if I'm, I don't know, I'm gonna make an ai version of you and I'll just do the show without you from here on out you know the olympics is doing ai al michaels. I did not know that that, hmm, okay, hmm okay, I'm going to have to check that out.

Speaker 1:

Did you watch the opening ceremonies last night or?

Speaker 2:

yesterday? No, I didn't. I should probably watch them on video on demand, as they say.

Speaker 1:

It was very long and endlessly terrible.

Speaker 2:

Oh, okay great.

Speaker 1:

I don't want to watch it.

Speaker 2:

Why would you try to make me watch?

Speaker 1:

it, dan, because it's endlessly terrible. Endlessly terrible. Everybody's like that's the greatest thing. Like no, we watched it. China was the greatest thing ever. This one pretty bad China was cool.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, China was great.

Speaker 1:

This one. There's like a 20-minute boat ride. You're just like. I don't need a 20-minute boat ride. Why are we on a boat?

Speaker 2:

Oh, because they don't do it in the stadium, they do it on the River Seine. Okay, I knew it was a river of some sort.

Speaker 1:

All the athletes were on boats and it was raining on them. It was pretty terrible.

Speaker 2:

I heard it was just downpouring, which is too bad, because you can't really fix that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, the first Olympic thing we watched. We were watching them, the time trial bicycles and, uh, our person lost it in the rain like three times. Then they her bike broke and they were bringing her their next bike and as the mechanic was getting out of the car with the bike, he fell down in the cycle. Oh no, never gonna, never going to get worse than that.

Speaker 2:

Oh that's so sad. You worked for so long and it just fucking goes to shit. Oh, that's terrible yeah.

Speaker 1:

So we'll be back next week talking about Jason, Patrick and the Solar Babies.

Speaker 2:

Goodbye everybody, goodbye everybody.