Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching Lightyear
What if a beloved character from your childhood suddenly felt like a stranger? Brace yourself as we unpack the enigma that is "Lightyear," the supposed origin story of Buzz Lightyear from "Toy Story." We'll dissect everything from the film's box office performance to its emotional resonance—or lack thereof—and illuminate the logical inconsistencies that left us scratching our heads. And yes, we can't help but gush over Sox, the robotic cat, who stole the show despite the film's many shortcomings.
Ever wondered why some father-son moments in movies hit you right in the gut? We journey back to the heart-wrenching loss of Mufasa in "The Lion King" and discuss the pitfalls of Pixar's modern approach to storytelling. By contrasting characters like the classic Daffy Duck with today's animated personas, we reveal why "Lightyear" missed the mark. From character inconsistencies to baffling plot twists, we explore every nook and cranny of this ambitious yet flawed film.
Time travel movies have always been a Pandora’s box of perplexing paradoxes. We tackle the mind-boggling narrative leaps in "Lightyear," examining how the film's portrayal of Buzz Lightyear deviates from the iconic, confident hero we all know and love. From absurd futuristic concepts like "juicy fingers" to the mishandling of time travel logic, we cover it all with a humorous yet critical eye. Join us for a nostalgic trip through the highs and lows of animation, and don't forget to share your thoughts with us!
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I'm going to die today.
Speaker 2:You're going to die today.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I'm going to fall asleep during the show. If I fall asleep during the show, just yell.
Speaker 2:First of all, I yell all the time, so I don't think it's even possible for you to fall asleep, because I've got too much energy for the two of us. Hey, watch it With Dan and Tony. Hey, watch it With Dan and Tony. Hey, watchin' With Dan and Tony, it's like watchin'?
Speaker 1:yeah, welcome to hey Watchin' with Dan and Tony.
Speaker 2:Hello everybody. I'm Tony. I'm jumping in there. If you're not going to introduce yourself, I'm cutting you off.
Speaker 1:Oh, I usually say I'm Dan, don't I you usually?
Speaker 2:say I'm Dan. For 197 episodes you have said I'm dan and then I say I'm tony, but today we're mixing it up I'm tony, that's the thing about.
Speaker 1:So like I'll be in the kitchen and I'll be like singing like some dan kutzel song, you know, sure, yeah totally dumb, and then I'll stop and singing, like some Dan Goodsell song, you know and then I'll stop and then, like 15 minutes later, sam's like oh, sing that song again. I'm like what are you talking about?
Speaker 2:What song? I've never sang a song in my life.
Speaker 1:It just. You know I am an improv machine, it just pours out of me.
Speaker 2:I don't know if that's what it is or you're just disconnected from your brain. You know what I mean. Like your body is in the ether, your mind's over here and they never, the tween shall meet.
Speaker 1:I live in the gray zone, you sure do On this show. Generally we watch a movie because it is generally. Sometimes we do something different.
Speaker 2:I think twice. I think we've done something different twice.
Speaker 1:We watch a movie, then we talk about the movie. This week I got to pick the movie because we did a kid's movie last time. I was like we'll do a kid's movie, even though we're not supposed to do kid's movies. We'll do a kid's movie. So I picked Disney Pixar's Lightyear from 2022, hour and 49 minutes. I didn't do any research on this movie, but I don't know if it flopped. I don't know if it flopped but it certainly didn't do well.
Speaker 2:It made its money back, but it did not do well. It was supposed to be a trilogy of films, and it is no longer that.
Speaker 1:So that's how it did. Thank you for that.
Speaker 2:Although, to be fair, I do believe movie number two would be the movie that I actually thought I was going to see.
Speaker 1:In movie number one You're correct the one, the one emotional moment is at the end. He says he's got, he's got his team behind him and he's like this is my team. And I was like oh, that's the one emotional moment in this entire movie Yep, and it's literally.
Speaker 2:Let's see that movie the last line the last 30 seconds yep, there's a lot of that. I I mean we'll talk about it, but on like literally the way that this movie is pitched is that this is the movie that andy from toy story sees as a kid and falls in love with buzz lightyear. Not possible based off of this film. No kid is going to fall in love with buzz. Every kid in the world's going to fall in love with socks just for the record, the fact that there's no socks, toy and toy story breaks that universe wide open.
Speaker 2:Doesn't make any sense socks is. Socks is like his android cat companion that he gets to help him through his right and the only good part of this movie that just every time that cat spins its head it cracks me up.
Speaker 1:I love it I think my one laugh in the movie was the cat um, was it the white noise sound?
Speaker 2:Because I laughed for like two minutes off of that that was good, buzz is trying to fall asleep and the cat's like I can do these noises, these noises, it's like just white noise. And then the face the cat makes he like lurches back and is like it killed me, it destroyed me. I loved it, so I laughed three times in this movie oh, that's three times, that's good all three of them were socks, so well I don't know.
Speaker 2:I would love a socks toy. That's all like. That's the only toy I would want from this whole movie. That's how I know that this movie doesn't make any sense, as how they pitched it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the thing about it is, if that's the pitch, it's got to be an actual adventure. It can't be a Pixar movie.
Speaker 2:Yes, 100%. It has to be like a fun space cop blowing shit up. First of all, emperor Zurg needs to be A an emperor, b evil and C Zurg. He has to be three things and he is none of those three. I have so many problems with this movie, dan.
Speaker 1:Is he called Emperor Zurg in the Toy Story imagined universe?
Speaker 2:In the Toy Story universe. We wrote this down because we went back and we rewatched it. Okay, he is evil, emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance. That is how he is described. He is none of those things in this movie. No, zero of them. He's not Zurg, he's not evil, he's not an emperor and he's not a sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance, because that hasn't even been formed yet. They formed that at the end of the movie, so he can't be the sworn enemy of jack shit do they?
Speaker 1:do they truly form supposedly the galactic alliance? I mean they just call it the galactic alliance, they have a different name, but they don't form.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's true, that's true. Oh, this is goose egg. You're right, it's not even close.
Speaker 1:It's even worse. Yeah, so this movie is. I was thinking about Pixar movies. I don't like thinking about Pixar movies.
Speaker 2:I know Because.
Speaker 1:I think the idea of a Pixar movie is I don't know that this is, they necessarily stated this, but it seems like the Pixar movie thing is, what we're going to do is we're going to have a family dynamic, we're going to have a father, then we're going to have a kid, and then it's going to be this interaction, right, this, you know, the dad and the kid coming together in some way, because then the kid can like watch the movie and go like there's a dead figure, I'm dead.
Speaker 1:And then the dad can watch the movie and go like there's a dead figure, I'm dad. And then the dad can watch the movie and go like I'm the dad and there's my child. So there's sort of there's my child.
Speaker 2:Is that what you think dad sound like? Yeah?
Speaker 1:Like in Bambi. In Bambi it's Bambi meets his friends and goes on the adventure. Even I don't know about the Lion King. I to friends and goes on the adventure. Even I don't know about the lion king. I'm not sure what lion king. Doesn't the lion king grow?
Speaker 2:up to be the king. Well, I mean sure, simba girl, but it is. It is about dad a lot, because the loss of his father move. What? What are you talking about? Mufasa? The death of mufasa? Oh my god, that destroyed me for 20 years as a kid. Uh, so it's all about him, kind of like, uh, making his father proud by becoming who he was supposed to become you know what I mean, that sort of dynamic.
Speaker 2:The father's not there, he dead I mean he's dead yeah, he dies early, and then you see him in the clouds one time to you know, to spur on the thing. And now they're making a mufasa prequel. I don't know if you saw that that sounds stupid oh, it does. It sounds and looks stupid.
Speaker 1:Have the stupid Pixar guys make that.
Speaker 2:They probably pitched it. It was like one of those cross pitches and they were just like you know what you guys could do.
Speaker 1:So these movies are meant to sort of, you know, please adults and please children. And so they sort of exist in this sort of neutered comedy space where, yeah, you can't really go, you have to keep everything you know clean or whatever right, you can't go, you can't really go anywhere. And I was thinking about like bunks, bunny and daffy, duck, right, I love Daffy.
Speaker 2:Big fan of Daffy over here.
Speaker 1:These are real cartoon characters, right, that have big personalities that are constantly flowing out of them, you know, to the detriment of everyone around them.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1:In a Pixar movie. You have to make this sort of real life. You know, I'm living my life and when I'm walking across the field there, I am walking across the field. I don't really ever get emotional and the bad things that happen really aren't that bad and it's going to be OK, as opposed to like some danger.
Speaker 2:There's no danger in this movie. I boy I get. I don't even know what the story was for this movie all the way through, if I'm being a hundred percent honest. Well, let me tell you why I'm confused.
Speaker 1:Tell me why you're confused.
Speaker 2:They're on an exploratory mission at the very beginning.
Speaker 1:Right, well, I mean, I think they're on a. They're on a mission to no, they're on a mission to populate someplace okay, yeah, yeah, but they don't know where they're going yet.
Speaker 2:Right like they're, they're checking out planets on the way. That's why he's the only one awake, because they land and then the rangers go and check out the terrain and if it's good, then they're going to live there. If it's bad, they're going to leave. No, what do you mean?
Speaker 1:That's what he says oh, really, he does say that Because they were like, oh, we better check out this planet because they sent some life or something. So you think that they went to? They couldn't. It was just too dangerous for them to want to stay.
Speaker 2:That's what I. What do you? Why are?
Speaker 1:they trying to leave in your mind. I just figured they were going to some other planet to populate it. And then this, they just got a, they got the signal or whatever, and we're like, well, we should check it out, but we're not going to stay here. But they do land the thing, which doesn't make any sense yeah, they land the turnip.
Speaker 2:If you're just coming down to look at it, you would send a little, a little spaceship down. He'd check it out and come back up a little shuttle, well, anyhow.
Speaker 1:So oh sorry, yeah, just real quick, and that's why this movie immediately starts not making any sense right?
Speaker 2:yeah, dude, because it doesn't make any sense to me we're looking for a plant to habitate.
Speaker 1:It's fine if they were just checking it out, they'd have sent a little scout down there. So you, you're already like what's happening. I was Okay, go.
Speaker 2:I was like, and I never got over that. I never got to the point where I was like oh, now I finally understand what's happened. So they're looking for a place to live. I don't know if they have a goal, maybe they're a sidetrack, I don't know. Either way, they land on this planet, and then they thaw everyone out, ostensibly right. So then they're just inhabiting it anyhow.
Speaker 1:But the whole time he's like we have to leave and they have to what yeah? Yeah, I mean his whole thing is that because they don't have hyperdrive or whatever, they don't have the necessity for hyperdrive, because they don't have hyperdrive or whatever. They don't have the necessity for hyperdrive, so he's like I got to make sure that we have hyperdrive so we can reconnect with the rest of the galactic, whatever the hell. And of course, by the end of the movie they've just completely habitated this planet and it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:And that's sort of an issue. By the end of the movie Dan, it's like his first trip, the first four-year gap. He comes back and they're like, well, we live here now, so it's all good, but it's like, no, I'm going to still do it. What I don't understand, I don't understand his motivation. I don't understand why everyone is happy, but none of it makes any sense to me.
Speaker 1:I don't understand. It's a plot that you've written on a piece of paper, right? Sure, what you've written is where we want to get to, is Buzz realizes that this planet's acceptable as his home.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And he needs to realize that he needs to work with other people to to, to to be successful, to do something, to to, to, to, yeah, to not even to be successful. You just need to work with other people, because that's probably the right thing you should generally do, just full stop.
Speaker 2:Yep, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's just full stop. He just needs to learn to play with other children. Yeah, with other children. Yeah, hate watching with dan. He buzz would realize needs some tony. Yeah, I realize it doesn't need some tony, but you know if you're right, but you've already done it.
Speaker 2:So you've tried that and now you realize it doesn't need it. You know he never tried it. That's on buzz. But then the end of the movie is them. Is not that lesson? It's the it's the working together lesson.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's not the, this is your home lesson. So, like the entire plot to me is useless. Like that device goes nowhere. He's not like, all of a sudden, like you know what I will live out the remaining days here on this planet, like like my friend who died already. Did you know what I Like he's? Instead, he joins a team that's going to send him on missions far away. So he never gave a shit about this planet beginning, middle or end. So it doesn't make any sense. Well, that's typical of Pixar movies.
Speaker 2:You don't even watch Pixar movies. Don't pretend like you're a Pixar expert. A Pix expert, there's two of them right, there's only two movies so you're trying to tell me, what about the fish? And they give me mo they give him like a messed up little fin and then that doesn't have anything to do with anything, it's just his well, you know, he's just more helpless than a normal baby fish, or?
Speaker 1:something for no reason, you feel you feel worse so you feel worse and then in the was it the bug's life? Uh, what's his name is a fuck up, and then he's a fuck up, and then he's still a fuck up, and then he's a fuck up. But but?
Speaker 2:but everything works out fine. Yeah, but it worked. Yeah, yeah, it works. Sometimes you can fuck your way up. You know what I'm saying? Uh, that sounded weird. Sometimes you can fuck yourself Sleep to the top. Come on, baby.
Speaker 1:And those are my two things I learned from Pixar.
Speaker 2:Okay, Well, you should watch more Pixar movies, right? Cars great one. Cars is a great one. Cars 1 only is the only one I care about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cars movies are like they're boys movies and I'm not a big boys movies fan. Okay, well, you know what?
Speaker 2:They're boys movies, and I'm not a big boys movies fan. Okay, well, you know what? If you were a boys movie fan, guess what movie you wouldn't like Lightyear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. So browsing music 4.2 million light years from Earth, they find the place. They go down there. It's uncharted planet. They detour to investigate. They land. They have like a robot taking core samples. I don't understand what that means or why that would be Just for fun. There's a total of three space rangers from a ship of 1,200. So these three people are supposed to work security for 1200 scientists and others oh yeah, that's a lot, man, it's a lot.
Speaker 2:The ratio is pretty messed up and this is immediate.
Speaker 1:This is when the movie lost me. Okay, buzz lightyear. We have this running bit where buzz lightyear narrates to himself it's never funny, yeah, never works, it's always stupid. He's like the terrain is very unstable and then he does like a jump the terrain not unstable no, no, he landed fine.
Speaker 2:So I'm not sure what. I don't know what unstable terrain means. To be honest with you.
Speaker 1:Unstable terrain means if you're walking, it's like if you're it's loose rocks, you can slip and you can hurt yourself.
Speaker 2:It's unstable. It's literally not stable, I see.
Speaker 1:It literally has to be unstable. He says unstable terrain. It's not unstable terrain, it's just terrain. It seems pretty fine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it seems pretty good.
Speaker 1:You could say rocky terrain, ok, but it's not.
Speaker 2:OK, describe it to me, ok, but they want it.
Speaker 1:They want some action words that he can say as he's narrating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this, I mean this, let's just dive into this right now. They try to tie in Buzz Lightyear characteristics from Toy Story and like jam them into this movie and they didn't think them out enough to make them make any sense. So every time they do something from Toy Story it sticks out like a sore thumb because they didn't create a character that would then turn into that Buzz Lightyear. Like this, buzz would never be the Buzz in Toy Story. I understand their whole thing is oh, they're different people. I get that. But the joke of buzz in Toy Story is that he thinks he's the real deal Right, so he thinks he is what he is based on. But if he's based on this, he would be a completely different person. Those lines don't connect. So you immediately threw away your entire premise. That's how it lost me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now the Toy Story. I started watching Toy Story and you know, great call Great call. I was like very ugly, you know, going back to a movie like that and watching it.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's not very ugly, but it doesn't look. It's not very ugly, very ugly doesn't look. It's not very ugly, very ugly. At the time it was wonderful. Okay, you finish your thought.
Speaker 1:I have so many thoughts on this movie. That's the big scam of those movies is it was something new, that looked different, and everyone is like I'm buying this it's just like the Dire Straits nothing for money.
Speaker 1:animated video. We love that video, even though if you look at it now, it's just these weird blocky guys walking around. And it's the same thing with this. People are all like, ah, look at that. But then, when you look at the design of the kid in Toy Story, you want to kill yourself. It's so horrible and the baby is a thousand times worse.
Speaker 2:The baby is terrifying.
Speaker 1:I do not want to look at this. This is, this is a monstrosity that they they should be hunting that thing and killing it um, which is all that's a great movie yeah, if they killed that baby, yes, I agree um I had a point, I forget it.
Speaker 2:You say something well, it's gonna lead into my point, because now we have to put on our thinking caps, dan. So toy story looked the way toy story did. You didn't like it. People, a lot of other people did like it, dan, but it looked a certain way. Right, it's from 1997, sure, that's a guess. I'm not sure. I probably should look that up. But either way, regardless, lightyear is the movie that Andy, a 10-year-old in that timeline, saw. Why does it look like it's made today? Shouldn't it look like a nostalgic piece of art? No, why?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, it's got it the, the, the toy. The only thing you can look at that you can relate to the movie is the toy. And they have the same stupid. You know the terrible design of the toy they carry over that general.
Speaker 2:Technically they don't until the end of the movie, because his suit is completely different. Until the last two seconds of the movie, which is another problem I have. Because then why would they? Why would he be? Andy would not be so excited to have a toy that was never used in the fucking movie he saw, because he didn't have wings, he didn't use a laser, he he didn't have the cool things that they pitch in Toy Story until the end of the movie, where they're like now we're going to be space cops. Well, then he saw the second movie, not the first movie, because this movie is completely different from what you show me in Toy Story. I'm so happy.
Speaker 1:Ok, I completely agree with all that. I completely agree with all that. But the one thing I want to ask you is that Buzz Lightyear toy, as as characterized by what's his name he's kind of doesn't really pay attention to anybody, is kind of completely full of himself, like what was the personality of that. That was not what this character was in this movie, correct. Personality of that. That was not what this character was in this movie, correct was there more.
Speaker 1:You want a more in-depth I mean, that's that seems like the character you want to have in this movie. You want to have like to infinity and beyond.
Speaker 2:He's like always doing stuff and and causing this this movie to me and you already disagreed with one of my points, which hurt me deeply, dan, but to me the light year movie that that andy saw in toy story should feature a buzz who, yes, works by himself, but because he's arrogant and he's like, full of machismo, he should be like. He should be like a facsimile of Arnold Schwarzenegger in space. He should be slinging one-liners all over the place. Every time he confronts somebody, he should say something clever or stupid, right, and then it should look like a movie that a kid in 1997 would have seen.
Speaker 1:I don't like that.
Speaker 2:It doesn't look like a movie he could have possibly seen, because at the beginning of this movie they say this is the movie that Andy saw. No, it isn't. This movie was definitely made in 2022, 40 years after Andy was dead.
Speaker 1:So you're saying it should have been like this fun retro talking about that time period.
Speaker 2:I think it should have, because they made one retro joke in this entire movie where he blows on the cassette. I don't remember exactly what it is, but in his face he was like blew it and put it back in. That's a great joke, because this movie takes place in 1995. Like so it doesn't make any sense. It should have been nostalgic and fun and colorful, and it was none of those things was like hey, we're pixar, look how pretty we can make things.
Speaker 1:guess what wrong move there it was a good looking movie, I mean except, yeah, it was a good looking movie, yeah, except the, you know, having to carry over the buzz light, your suit design and the way their faces, all I'm I'm over the way.
Speaker 2:I know you don't like it. I get it. You don't like, you hate it, I understand. Oh, okay, don't like it, you hate it, I understand.
Speaker 1:Oh, ok, I don't know, that seems like it could be an enjoyable movie.
Speaker 2:I think because and here's, I think it would have spoke to us, the people that saw it Not you, dan the people that saw Toy Story, loved Toy Story, love Buzz, loved toy story, love buzz and like this would have been a great way to bridge two, two generations, where the kids would see a fun, colorful action cartoon and they would love it, and then the adults would be like, oh shit, this is the buzz from my childhood, I love it. And then, guess what? You got a mega hit on your hands. Instead, you isolated not only the kids who are seeing this. They're like well, this movie is very boring. Why it boring? Why this isn't cool at all. And then the adults are like this isn't fucking buzz. What is happening? So you made everyone who could have wanted to see this movie Not want to see it. It's such a weird decision.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, yeah, I agree, you're right, tony it has to happen eventually Um 197. Yeah, you're right, tony.
Speaker 2:It had to happen eventually. Dan. Now 197. Yeah, yahtzee, I'm guessing on the. By the way, I've changed which episode number we're on like four times, so hopefully one of those is right Now, dan. Since we're just talking about how much we hate this, let's talk about Tim Allen. Do you have any thoughts on whether Tim Allen should have been in this movie or not?
Speaker 1:I love. Was it Chris Evans?
Speaker 2:Chris Evans I love Chris Evans.
Speaker 1:No, it should have. It has to be Tim Allen. Tim Allen is funny. It has to be Tim Allen.
Speaker 2:It doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:Chris Evans is not really. I mean, has he ever been in a funny movie?
Speaker 2:Yes, not another teen movie, but he also. He kind of plays the straight man in that movie To everyone else. You know what I mean. He's the Freddie Prinze Jr Of that movie, so I guess I don't know. I haven't seen it in a while, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not saying he can't be funny, but this is not a script that gives him any place to be funny. His acting is fine and you know he can hit the emotional moments, which is fine. But you know he can hit the emotional moments, which is fine. But yeah, I want to see a tim allen movie. You know, it's like you go to gal, you go to galaxy quest. Tim allen's very funny. You go to zoom, I love, I love zoom. Zoom is a good movie. It's a really fun movie. Yeah, um, you know, is tim allen kind of a weirdo in real life maybe, but, um, probably that's okay though you know, I mean, did I watch lots of home improvement?
Speaker 1:no, I, but I watched enough to know he's I did. He's damn good at what he is home improvement was big in my house.
Speaker 2:My mom loved that show, so we, we watched, we watched it it's a classic show and that's the. He's the character so, and that's my so I did research about this, by the way.
Speaker 2:So, dan, you know you're falling behind. They wanted to make a point of separating this movie from Toy Story. Why? So they were like no, the toy is different than the actual movie itself. So we want to get a different voice, because tim allen, his buzz is goofy and blah, blah, blah and they're like our, our buzz light. You're a serious, he's a serious guy, and I was like but that's a mistake, that's a huge mistake, because then he's boring you're, you're making, and that's the whole thing is.
Speaker 1:You know, pixar just said that. You know we're throwing everything out. We're only going to make certain sort of movies and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No more of these ones based on people's lives, et cetera, et cetera. And you're like, if the movie's good, it doesn't matter. You're making Disney, pixar's Lightyear. You're not making Moana. You're not making what's. What's the one coco, what's? Somewhere the one where he plays the guitar and goes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that movie wrecked me is that a pixar movie?
Speaker 1:oh boy, it's a disney movie.
Speaker 2:Probably um that movie I'll look it up, man 10 out of 10.
Speaker 1:Moana, 10 out of 10. These are the movies that mean something, and the reason why they mean something is because they're funny and they have characters and they do the thing. This movie there's no characters. The Buzz Lightyear is I narrate to myself, you're like. I mean, they're one-dimensional bits.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You know, when we meet the granddaughter she's just like I'm a leader. But I'm afraid of one thing Space. That's the dumbest thing ever. Sorry, was that a?
Speaker 2:spoiler alert.
Speaker 1:The Taika Waititi character. Oh, I mean, like, if you have Taika Waititi in your movie Taika Waititi I consider one of the funniest people that exists on the planet that dude can just he can come in there and give you a scene in your movie that you cannot believe. And what are we doing? Here, in this movie. Look, I found a pen. It goes in my thing Pen. We're going to do that joke 70 times Pen. You're like why are you just not a joke? It's like a Tony joke.
Speaker 2:He just keeps on hitting it and hitting it and hitting it and it is like a Tony joke because they paid it off at the end. Dan, he uses it to Jimmy open the vent, so nailed it. Did you like that? Good job, Tony. No, I didn't like it until you said it was a Tony bit, and now it's my favorite bit of the movie.
Speaker 1:Good for them. There's the woman who was a criminal, so she's not supposed to shoot guns, and so she shoots guns.
Speaker 2:All the time. She shoots them all constantly.
Speaker 1:These are your characters. I mean, I'm not saying I know how to fix these characters or how to make it better, but these did not feel like characters, they just felt like people that could, like, deliver a line. I'm delivering a line, okay, that's good. Yeah, I mean because they're not and I had a hard time.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry, no, no finish.
Speaker 1:And the situations they get in. You're just like I'm not even sure what's happening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, pretty, yeah, pretty much the whole time Just cover to cover. So I was just saying I obviously, as you could probably tell from the last 26 minutes, I had a hard time watching this movie separate from Toy Story, sure, but I was trying my hardest to just see it as a movie on its own. Yeah, as a movie on its own. Yeah, because part of me believes that this movie was just written as a movie. And then Pixar was like what if we made this a Buzz Lightyear movie? And so then they just kind of jammed in Buzz Lightyear things randomly, because they don't. Whenever he does Buzz things it feels out of place to the character they've created.
Speaker 1:I don't think that's what happened. I think they sat down to write, said write the Lightyear movie, but don't make it about him, but also make it about, but also put in some bits, that sort of conform to the thing, and you're left with a Frankenstein. It's a Frankenstein.
Speaker 2:It's a Frankenstein. Okay, well, frankenstein.
Speaker 1:It's a Frankenstein. Okay, well, let's keep talking about what happens. Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do this. On the planet there's evil bugs, there's evil branches. They try and escape. Buzz takes the ship, tries to fly off. There's a rookie which they do this whole thing with the rookie, that the rookie never shows up again. We never deal with the rookie again. It means nothing.
Speaker 2:Well, he's dead. He dies at some point, because then later in the movie someone's wearing his suit jacket In the future. Future, like the 66 years later or whatever.
Speaker 1:Oh, but he doesn't die.
Speaker 2:Taika Waititi. Well, he doesn't die on screen, but he's dead because someone's wearing his suit it's weird.
Speaker 1:So so buzz has to save him, and then buzz tries to take off and then he, he can't, he can't pull out of the thing. And then this him failing to pull out so that they escape from the planet, so they basically crash and are gonna have to stay here, is his big mistake now let me ask you a question dan was it a mistake? No, it wasn't a mistake.
Speaker 2:What? What could have the rookie have done to change that outcome? Because the whole thing is the rookie's like hey, do you want me to help? And buzz is like no, I can do it myself. He's flying a spaceship. Does that take two people? I don't think it does. I mean, they don't say that it does right.
Speaker 1:So I, I don't know, and I mean this was the point at which he. There has to be some hubris involved where the rookie is like I'm trained on this, I'm trained on this, sir, and he's like, no, no, I'm buzz lightyear, I'm the greatest pilot in the universe, but that's great, but in a classical pixar way they're like we can't make him a dick.
Speaker 2:They never make him a dick, which is wrong.
Speaker 1:Tim Allen's Buzz Lightyear is a dick right.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's why we love him, because then he learns to work with his teammates and become friends with them. This Buzz is like a whiny, mopeyy loner quitter. Those are like four things that I hate just in general, but more so on my hero, my buzz lightyear, my bigger than life action star. Why, why would any kid like this lightyear? He quits six times in this movie he's like cries in the corner and he's like this will never work. I failed jesus crime and he's like this will never work. I failed Jesus Crying.
Speaker 1:And he's I hate him, I hate him. It's your classic thing, right? Buzz Lightyear is supposed to be overconfident.
Speaker 2:Yes, a hundred million, thousand percent. He should be more like me, you know, confident to the point of senility, yeah, yeah that's true he should be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he should fuck the thing up and be like God. Accidents happen, but I couldn't have let the stupid rookie do anything, because he's a stupid, useless rookie. These are the lines, but they don't want to do those lines.
Speaker 2:They don't want to do them. Honestly, the only mistake he really made Was saving the rookie In the first place. Had he just let the rookie die, he would have saved. It's the Spock moment. Oh my god, dan, I didn't even realize this. It's either save the turnip or save the rookie. And he chose to save the rookie. He should have just gotten on the ship and took off and they would have lived. He would have saved 1200 lives. But you see, what see?
Speaker 1:see you, actually that's a cool thing, you've written something really great. Because then he should be blaming the rookie it's his fault. I saved his useless life and we're trapped. Yeah, I can, I can fix these things.
Speaker 2:I'm buzzed light here and then he has to make the sounds himself, by the way of course, I'm always reminded of the, the in um futurama.
Speaker 1:There's the guy that that uh is in charge of the whatchamacallit, who I think is, you know, basically a Buzz Lightyear parody, and he has his little guy there next to him. I'm Zapp.
Speaker 2:Brennigan yeah With his little green alien yep, that's the character we want to see. Yes, you're absolutely right. I never even thought about that, but you are absolutely right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I thought about that a lot during this movie. I was just like why isn't he that guy? I because you could say you know that guy could be in a movie but but they want guys to be like oh I'm just like buzz lightyear.
Speaker 2:I'm the dad, but then he gets humbled and learns to work with a team and becomes the hero that we all need. That is the story of the movie. Hmm, okay.
Speaker 1:So what we do is he's gonna, they're gonna do this new fuel thing that's gonna fix the fuel so they can get off the planet. Buzz Lightyear goes, flies around the sun and then he's, he doesn't make it and so he has to eject the thing out of the side port so that he can go through these rings that slow him down and he fails.
Speaker 2:Yes, he fails.
Speaker 1:But he's transported like four years in the future, four years in the future, and so basically we get a montage of the whole place building up in four-year increments. And his friend is getting older, she gets married to a woman and has a baby. Then the baby grows up and the baby has a baby, and he keeps on doing it, he keeps on doing it, he keeps on doing it.
Speaker 2:He keeps on doing it. Now, before pause, let's take a brief moment in time here, dan, because he gets back the first time and he's super confused on what happened. Yeah, and they're like it's time dilation. And he's like, hey, bro, what's time dilation? I'm just an astronaut who traveled at light speed to get here. But what's time dilation? What are you talking about? He knows what it is. It's his job. I don't that. I understand that they have to explain it for the kids. I get that, but you can't make buzz buzz the one that doesn't understand what time dilation is when he's a fucking space ranger uh, they also give him the cat socks.
Speaker 1:Who's a robot, who's there?
Speaker 2:to sort of thank god for that um, he has nightmares now, dan I don't know if you read any reviews, a lot of the people out there think that Sox is the biggest issue with the movie, because Sox fixes the time or the energy problem and everyone is like why couldn't the scientists do it? The fact that the robot did it, the science didn't is a plot hole, and I just want to say to those people you are idiots, because that's incorrect.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean it's that's incorrect. Well, I mean, it's just a contrivance in the movie, that there's no reason for it to be a contrivance in the movie. But it didn't bother me. I was just like, oh, they're making a cat solve it.
Speaker 2:That's kind of weird but whatever Right, but the fact that an AI was able to solve a scientific problem better than humans, that doesn't bother me one bit.
Speaker 1:Well, it's bothersome in that, aren't they really just spending all their computer time trying to fix this? Or maybe they're not, because that is what they're not.
Speaker 2:That's the thing is they don't care when he gets back. They're basically like, yeah, we're good, we're done, and he's like no, no, no, I'm going to keep going. So I don't think they're working on it at all. I think the only one that's actually working on it is the cat. So that makes perfect sense. Bunch of dum-dums.
Speaker 1:He comes back one of the times and I really thought there was going to be a coffin for the commander. I really thought there was going to be a coffin.
Speaker 2:Jesus, I was like whoa, that's gonna be dark.
Speaker 1:well, it is pixar, it's pixar they love to tug at those heartstrings. Um, so he comes back and there, you know, there's a new commander, cal burnside, and he's like up, I'm canceling your mission because we're building a laser shield. You know, it's kind of weird super weirdcks solves the fuel problem and then security comes to take Socks away from him. I hated that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're decommissioning him for some reason.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's called fake stakes. Yeah, fake stakes.
Speaker 2:I don't know make him kill the cat, I don't know.
Speaker 1:He escapes. With the cat they make the magic fuel and then the security guys pull the electric vibro knives to try and kill him. Yeah, that is correct the instantaneous adversarialness of this guy that has spent his whole life ostensibly trying to help out. The thing is just really weird, super weird.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, sure is trying to help out. The thing is just really weird.
Speaker 1:Super weird? Yeah, sure is. So then they go on. So they do it the one last time, and this time they pull it off and they land in a swamp. Why did he land in a swamp? Star Wars there it is.
Speaker 2:That was my only suggestion, yeah.
Speaker 1:Um, there's these evil robots patrolling. The evil robots steal his ships. Then he runs away and he meets Izzy, the grandchild of his friend, the commander, and what we find out is that the Zerg ship came one week ago and, I think, arrested everyone or something, or put everyone in prison, or something.
Speaker 2:I don't understand the Zerg at all. I'm just going to say that.
Speaker 1:Zerg with his robots has taken over the whole planet. Why, I guess? Well, we're gonna do spoilers now. Yeah, yeah, big spoilers ahead when we finally meet who zerg is. Who did you think zerg was gonna be?
Speaker 2:I thought it just could be like an evil alien, you know like he is oh, you didn't figure out that it had to be something.
Speaker 1:You didn't figure out, it was something we had to know.
Speaker 2:No, and here's why, Dan, because there is 40 years of history with evil Emperor Zurg that I have been following and instead they're like everything you thought you knew, totally wrong. Go fuck yourself I thought zerg was gonna be.
Speaker 1:I thought zerg was gonna be the, the, the trainee dude at the beginning oh, bill hater, the rookie, the rookie oh, that was bill hater. Okay, they waste, they put bill.
Speaker 2:They put Bill Hader in that role and then wasted him that hard.
Speaker 1:Yep, isn't that terrible. Why did you have to tell me that? Because I was so upset. It's so easy to make me hate Pixar even more when you tell me things like that, bill Hader, we got this role for you.
Speaker 2:It's garbage, but we thought of you. You're going to say a couple things and then you're just going to disappear and no one will ever talk about you again.
Speaker 1:So what we're going to learn is that Zerg is actually Buzz Lightyear. And at some point, he became two people. This explanation for this didn't make any sense to me.
Speaker 2:Well, so what they're saying is that he went into the future then traveled back in time. He went into the future then traveled back in time. So technically, the Buzz that he is hasn't done that trip yet. But this Buzz has gone on that trip and come back and now he says he's broken time because they've fractured into a new timeline where the things that are happening didn't happen to that Buzz when he was in the past. Classic, classic time travel nonsense.
Speaker 1:When Buzz landed in the swamp, if Zurg hadn't come back in time, Buzz Lightyear would have left and become Zurg.
Speaker 2:Correct. Yes, that's exactly right, it's a kids movie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't understand that. I've watched many, many time travel movies.
Speaker 2:It's not even explained very well.
Speaker 1:It's stupid In addition to everything it's stupid, so Buzz has come back.
Speaker 2:It's stupid and just bad storytelling, sorry, continue.
Speaker 1:So the bad guy in the movie is old Buzz. Okay, so that's where.
Speaker 2:And he's not really bad. I don't know why I felt like we had to talk about this now, but we did because this is what he splits. Yeah, we do. Yes, here's where he split, and we're just talking about his motivations, because he comes back and arrests, arrests the whole planet or something, but why? We'll get to that okay.
Speaker 1:Why? Because he, yes, we'll talk about it, yes, we'll talk about okay. So, okay, he meets. He meets izzy and these two other characters. They need a pilot. Yeah, they're the junior patrol. The robots attack. They're not trained. I wrote Izzy misses the throw, but they win anyways. But Zurg steals their ship. So Zurg steals the ship. So they're like oh, ship is stolen, we got to do something else. Oh, this was the one part I liked. Is Socks there fire on something, and socks is the fire extinguisher and he just like goes, yeah, it puts out the fire again.
Speaker 2:I was like socks is the best part of this movie that's probably the movie they're with, that.
Speaker 1:He's with the rookies and they've gone into this building and there's bugs everywhere, and so they all put on ranger suits and then they're going to uh, they're going to sneak out, but instead one of the stupid, the, the uh, what are we going to call it? What I call them? I call them the rookies. One of them sets off an alarm so the bugs start coming awake and then buzz, lightyear is like go into stealth mode. And so they all go into stealth mode and then he sneaks to the ship and then they're sneaking out and then stealth mode runs out after an amount of time that we don't know about.
Speaker 1:And he did not tell them about the amount of time that they had.
Speaker 2:he didn't tell them about the time. But also, dan the suit didn't tell them about it. Like, like the suit would have a timer somewhere. I don't know if there's some sort of screen in their helmet that says it. They showed it to us, right, that's what I'm saying. Like somebody would be like hey, what's this timer on here? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:We saw the countdown and we understood perfectly what was happening and the countdown was like it's green, red, red off.
Speaker 2:Yes, correct.
Speaker 1:It was like we're going to give you two seconds and none of them saw it and said, oh my God, is this going to run out?
Speaker 2:And Buzz.
Speaker 1:Lightyear would have said that to them.
Speaker 2:He would have said hey, you get two minutes of stealth. Why would you just be like, go into stealth mode and just leave? That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1:He's not an idiot. They're not idiots. No one in this movie is supposed to be an idiot.
Speaker 2:Nor is he purposely trying to get them killed, so so.
Speaker 1:Oh, we did like a button bit, you know where, like this button, this button, this button, that button, this button, this button, that button uses it. But I'm like please don't, please don't waste our it's. That's the thing about this movie is it wastes this real estate. Right, yeah, the characters will just stand there and be like let's talk about a thing, you understand? Oh, I understand that. Yeah, you understand that. Do you understand that? Yeah, I understand that.
Speaker 1:You're just like why are we spending time on this? Why are we doing a button bit? It's not funny.
Speaker 2:It's not funny.
Speaker 1:The person that's writing this is writing it for themselves, because they're like what can I put in here? I'll run the old button, bit the old button bit. And you know what? That button bit did that get us anywhere. No, did it tell us about a character.
Speaker 2:Not any of them.
Speaker 1:No, it didn't do anything. So it's like this is a this. You know what happens to that. It goes like this Big X. That's what the. Big old X. The story editor is supposed to put a big X to that, because this movie is what it's an hour and 49 minutes.
Speaker 2:How long is Toy Story? Great question.
Speaker 1:Hour and 29 minutes.
Speaker 2:Did you look that up? That's your guess.
Speaker 1:I turned it on. I watched the first 15, 20 minutes of it. Oh yeah, sure, also 1995. I, that's your guess. I turned it on I watched.
Speaker 2:I watched the first 15, 20 minutes of it. Oh yeah, sure, also 1995. I was wrong, I said 97 earlier.
Speaker 1:I apologize everybody. This does not need to be an hour and 49 minutes. It sure doesn't, sure don't? So the stealth thing runs out. And so what do they have to do? They all have to go in the ship, so that? So that was our big trick to get everybody in the ship, which doesn't actually make any sense.
Speaker 2:They had already gone two-thirds of the way. The closest exit would be out, not back. The way that you just came, so stupid.
Speaker 1:And I think, as he says, we could have made it if you'd have told us about that stealth mode wears off. You're like wait a second.
Speaker 2:So your characterization of Buzz is that he doesn't give you information. Yeah, that is correct.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is where we learned that izzy is afraid of space.
Speaker 2:She's astrophobic yeah, which is which makes perfect sense, because she's wanted to be a what are they called Space ranger Space ranger her entire life, just like her grandma, yeah, but she's afraid of space. But I would love to be a space ranger in space.
Speaker 1:I'm afraid of balloons, but I want to be a clown.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no.
Speaker 1:Can't be what? No, you got to be a different kind of clown. Go ride horses, do something different.
Speaker 2:Just come a clown, go bring horses, do something different. Just come out of a car.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just be one of those clowns packs in a car, gets on out, so she's afraid of space. Zorg attacks, he shoots them and he lands on the dark side of the planet yeah, it's pretty new stuff for me. I don't know.
Speaker 2:What's the problem?
Speaker 1:Well, this planet doesn't rotate. Don't you kind of have to rotate if you're going to have stuff on the planet?
Speaker 2:I don't think so. Right, because there's no gravity on this planet, right oh, wait. Right, because there's no gravity on this planet, right oh?
Speaker 1:wait, I don't know enough about gravitational science and how things growing and living on a planet but, it sure doesn't seem like things are going to work if there's a dark side, and isn't it like the dark side is? It seems like that's an old idea, right? I mean, I guess the moon is, but is there a dark side of the moon?
Speaker 2:No, there isn't a dark side of the moon, because the moon still gets illuminated, because it goes around? Yeah, but doesn't the dark side of the moon, doesn't that rotate, or is it always that?
Speaker 1:Well, think about it like this, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, this thing is rotating around me. It's always oriented. This side here is always oriented towards me, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, constant success. You know 24 hour cycle where it's like on off, on off, but even even we're not on off, on off. There are places on the planet here that have sunlight 24 hours a day, parts of the year, and other parts of the year they're, they're black or they're dark all night long, so 40 days of night yes, so there's no such place, that's.
Speaker 1:That's always one way.
Speaker 2:I don't think I don't think so either. I mean I don't know, someone, somebody, let us know if this is is possible it's just like this weird line, and that's the thing.
Speaker 1:You don't want to put these lines in your movie, because then people like us go dark side.
Speaker 2:What are you talking about? We've never, we've never heard of this this is a very much.
Speaker 1:I've never heard of this. Okay, so boom, they're crashed. Uh, oh, what actually? Then we have a little time, a little shadowing, uh, foreshadowing future shadowing.
Speaker 2:Buzz lightyear says I need a time machine, yeah but then he gets one and decides he doesn't need it anyhow. So there's that.
Speaker 1:That's because he's grown, has he? He's grown. Buzz is trying to figure things out, so he walks around the ship and yells at all of them because they're talking Go somewhere far away from me, there's someone over there not trying to think or something like that, which was a funny line.
Speaker 1:So they go over to this other part, they activate the security buzz tries to join them. So they're heavy, oh okay, so they go inside this building and they need to get like the magic part to fix the thing. And then they do something, somebody does something stupid, and so they get trapped in these cones of frozenness and then if the cones come together, they merge, showing to each other and then buzz has to be free in his so that he can do things. Even though he's not doing, anything is his.
Speaker 1:And then right they tell socks to fix it, and then socks tries to fix it and socks sayscks says I can't reach it. And then you wonder why don't they pick Socks up? They don't pick Socks up. So then they all have to merge because they need to bang on a thing to make the thing turn off, to open the door. And so they bang and the door turns off and then the whole thing falls off. But they make the jump and everybody lives.
Speaker 2:Yeah, makes perfect sense dan, it's, they're just.
Speaker 1:You can't make up a bunch of complications. Okay, I'm gonna sit here this time, I'm gonna write my story, I'm gonna say these are the 27 complications that happen, and then these are the 27 random weird things that they're gonna then be able to do randomly so that the complication is fixed go away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great story, dan. Good job. I'm proud of you know like in that.
Speaker 1:Let me say something positive about a pixar movie oh, please, yeah, I want to hear it up.
Speaker 2:I like that movie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, up is a tough one he gets to the weird island and then he meets like this weird bird and then the dog can talk and just like everything's weird in that movie and then when it all sort of weaves together for a solution, you're, like you feel, very satisfied yeah this movie's like let me make up a 27 things, then let me fix them with these other other 27 things that you've never heard of and don't make any sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then you'll feel completed, because they solved the problem and instead of that, you feel like you've been pulled into 30 different directions and you don't know which way is up you don't know, you don't know.
Speaker 1:Okay, where are we at? Socks crashes, oh, okay, so they go back to the thing? Yeah, socks just crashed and we find out that sandwiches now have the meat on the outside and then a single piece of bread on the inside, Because if you had too much bread it would be too dry and you wouldn't end up with sloppy hands.
Speaker 2:No, that's not the word.
Speaker 1:Messy hands.
Speaker 2:Oh, where is it? I wrote it down. Juicy fingers, juicy fingers. Yeah, yeah. He says juicy fingers, which is funny, but also like what's happening? I don't get it. And then they're confused. They're like how long did you have it? Bread, meat, bread. And he's like forever. Why would that change? They're not aliens, dan, they come from the human race who eat sandwiches a certain way. Why would why would it change?
Speaker 1:because this is a hundred years in the future and everything has changed but why would that change?
Speaker 2:the only thing I could think of is if there was a bread shortage on the on the planet and in order to make sandwiches, they had to go down to one slice per sandwich and it'd almost be like if you watch any actual media.
Speaker 1:You would see people eating normal sandwiches. You'd see people eating hot dogs and hamburgers and every. Yes, you know the only people that have ever taken away the bread and replaced it with things is they haven't put bread in the middle.
Speaker 2:Then all they've done is you know just meat filling meat yeah, the double down is pretty damn good, though, was it good? I mean, if you like terrible food, yeah, it's really good.
Speaker 1:And I understand what the bit is supposed to be right. You're so far in the future that they don't remember things in the past and things have changed and things have morphed, but it's like we're not very far in the future. We're like 60, maybe 60 years right, Not even 100 years. They said 66 years yeah 66 years and I think that our world has frozen in the year 1890 or so. Our world here. I think that the world froze. It came to this CVS is is gonna look.
Speaker 1:it looks a certain way it has looked that same way for 30, 35 years target.
Speaker 2:Did a face facelift, though you know one, and then you know, it's a little yeah, because it went from like target to target great land and now they have like a pharmacy section and they have groceries in some of them.
Speaker 1:So they have different products in there, but visually.
Speaker 2:But you're saying, if I walk, into a store I'm like, oh, this is a Target, that's what you're saying to me.
Speaker 1:Ok, If you went, if you walk back to the future when Marty McFly leaves and goes to the future yeah, wait, he goes to the Future when Marty McFly leaves and goes to the future. He goes to the past, but he goes to the future too.
Speaker 2:Well, different movies, he does both when you go to the future it should be futuristic.
Speaker 1:If somebody went to the future from 1990 to now, they'd be like things have not changed that much Did I travel in the future, or did I not?
Speaker 2:Is this tomorrow? I don't understand.
Speaker 1:And that stagnation is a thing that I think is driven by a lot of corporate issues, but it is a stagnation of how our world is now as opposed to you know. You look at between 1920 and 1955. How much did things change?
Speaker 2:A bunch, probably, I don't really know A whole bunch. When did we stop pulling carriages with horses?
Speaker 1:Well, the automobile I think really took over in the 40s.
Speaker 2:I think it really took over in the 40s I think it really took over the 40s, so maybe what I was thinking just now 30s, you still had carriages, yeah because you bring up a great point with back to the future, right when that was made in the 80s, 85 or whatever, and he goes to 20.
Speaker 2:What did he go to? 2024, 20, like we. We we've been to back to the future day and it already came and passed in that movie. They're like flying cars and all this futuristic stuff. If someone really did time travel and we were like, well, yeah, well, now you can plug cars in sometimes and they run off batteries, they'd be like, okay, it's not not impressive right like it's. That's cool. I guess it just goes less Like. Why would I even want to do that?
Speaker 1:I don't know. That's interesting. Most of our improvements are better phones, better video. Faster video, better phones yeah like things that don't really.
Speaker 2:I've never really thought about this before. I'm just now thinking about it Like we're not making cool advancements.
Speaker 1:No, thinking about it like we're not making cool advancements. No, no, more importantly in the, in the visual landscape of our existence very static right very static. Yeah, I know it's a nightmare don't think about.
Speaker 2:It's horrible, it's too. Well, now you put it in my head, dan. Now I'm gonna think about it the rest of the day and I'm gonna just be depressed all the time yeah, it sucks.
Speaker 1:So the idea that sandwiches are going to become something completely different, which there's a reason why there's bread on the outside of the sandwiches, because you don't get sloppy fingers.
Speaker 2:Right, nobody wants juicy fingers Like that's not a benefit of anything.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Even, I guess, maybe for buffalo wings, because then you get a little extra sauce. I don't mind the after a buffalo wing, but I wouldn't do it for that reason, like I'm not excited about it, because then I can't touch anything. Right, I can't be on my phone while I eat chicken wings. Right, that's a mess I can't do. Hate watching while I eat chicken wings. I always have to stop taking notes during that because I got juicy fingers. Nobody. I always have to stop taking notes during that because I got juicy fingers. Nobody wants juicy fingers.
Speaker 1:That's all I'm saying. Nobody wants juicy fingers. Okay, when are we at? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Sandwiches have bread, oh, socks crashes and then has to reboot and then Buzz can't do a pep talk, but then he gives him a pep talk anyway and he does a whole thing of. I used to be a screw-up and Hawthorne saw something in me and then I stopped being a screw-up, that's it. I'm not a screw-up anymore. What's going?
Speaker 2:on being a screw-up myself, dan. I one I don't whine about it, which just it always annoys me like he's telling this story. He's like I used to screw up all the time. You know big deal, dude, we screw up, we screw up, we learn and then we move on. Right, don't be a little whiny, be about. I just don't like this characterization of buzz. I just, top to bottom, I don't like it. I don't want it.
Speaker 1:Don't want it uh, the zork bot is after them.
Speaker 2:They use teamwork to escape, but then zork just activates a bunch more bots um is this where they do the explanation of of zerk where he's like no, okay, so we haven't, they haven't met yet, right? No, no, okay, all right, I'll wait okay, boom.
Speaker 1:so they're in the ship. They're trying to get away. They're being chased by the, by the, the bots. They have to go into the fire geysers. And then someone accidentally ejects the crystals and the bots steal the crystals. And then someone accidentally ejects the crystals and the bots steal the crystals. And then Izzy apologizes I made a mistake. And then Buzz begins to cry again the mission is over, end of the world, I need to be by myself. And Zorgbot steals Buzz. They come bought Steel's Buzz. They come in the Steel Buzz, and then he goes up there and then, disappointed with Zorg, confronts Buzz and you're like something weird's going on, and then of course Zorg opens up and you're like he's like Dad.
Speaker 1:And I'm like oh God, it's Buzz Lightyear's Dad. And then you're like no, it's old Buzz. And then you're like. Which one was worse? Oh, old buzz, a thousand times worse than buzz's dad. That's what I thought, because if his dad then yelled at him and you know, I mean it would have been really funny, sure if, if it was buzz's dad who had to leave you know earth to come and save buzz, sure that would be a movie not this movie not this movie.
Speaker 1:Uh, it's buzz is dead. Izzy, I messed this up. But they're like, oh, I'll mess stuff up. But then she's like no, it's different, because I messed it up, because in my family there's expectations, which is like a terrible thing to say in front of your friends.
Speaker 2:Like you guys to suck, but. I am part of a real family. I'm supposed to not be a complete moron like you two. Yep, it's a. It's very weird, very weird lesson to impart on children, if this is who you're aiming for. Poor children that have to see these movies, the poor children.
Speaker 1:So then Buzz Dad slash. Old Buzz explains it all is that the timeline shifted. In his timeline he went forward and then made the thing work and then got all this technology. Now he's coming back, but he can only come back to right now and then he's going to go back to before they crashed.
Speaker 2:This is what confuses me.
Speaker 1:To stop him from making the mistake that forced the onion to do the crash on this planet.
Speaker 2:Well, it's a turnip first of all, okay, what? But I don't understand. So he went to the future, got a bunch of technology, came back to the past, but couldn't get all the way back because of the crystal so he needs buzz's crystal because of a plot line, because of the plot. I understand that.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to understand what they're telling me because the writer they don't, they don't say, they just say this is as far as I could get.
Speaker 2:But then he wants buzz's crystal, so it has to be because his crystal ran out of energy. He says he does say that it ran out of energy, but it ran out right here, right, it seems pretty convenient. Um, yes, but then. So then why would he take over the planet? Like, what is he in?
Speaker 1:control of the whole planet so that he can then steal the crystal. Why isn't he just meet buzz right there at the minute he lands? Because he knows exactly where he lands and when he lands yeah and just and just be like, hey, Buzz Just take the crystal.
Speaker 2:I've done what you're about to do. Here's a better idea, right.
Speaker 1:Like you just.
Speaker 2:I don't know. He's not evil at all.
Speaker 1:Why does he shoot Buzz in the head? I don't know.
Speaker 2:Or that Just be like pal, but I'm we more important things? I don't know. It just doesn't make any sense. I, I hate it.
Speaker 2:I hate it so much, it's so stupid time travel movies don't ever make sense spoilers I, I agree, like you can, there, you can overthink that a movie and it'll stop making. So, like back to the future, like you can take it apart. But while I'm watching it I don't care, because I'm having such a good time and like it at least makes sense in the way that they decide to tell you. If you think about the real world scenario of it, you're like, okay, well, I don't think that really makes sense, but at least in the movie it seems like it would make sense. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1:well, you, you said the exact thing, tony, because you're having a good time. If you're having a good time in this movie, we'll forgive it if it's if it's interesting and surprising, but just the idea that buzz future, old buzz is a gigantic piece of shit who doesn't want to listen and doesn't want to do anything you're like. Well, that's not really the buzz we've seen in this movie.
Speaker 2:Nope. So I don't know when he became to the future and finds a bunch of cool technology. He travels further in time than any other human being ever. Right, that's awesome. Well, that's not going to turn you evil. If anything, that's just going to make you like a cool superhero. You come back with Iron man shit.
Speaker 1:I, cool superhero, you come back with iron man shit. I don't, I don't get it, I just the whole idea of changing all of the past. It's just like the all those conundrums you've you've always thought about, right, you know? Like, oh, I'm gonna go back in time and kill hitler, and then you? Then the person says, well then you, just you kill all the people. You know time travel doesn't work. The premise doesn't work. As a you can't hinge a moral thing on that, right yeah, especially when you're dealing with the same character.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean 100%. Yeah, I mean 100%.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's dumb you know it's almost like doing the whole spot conundrum with the same person. It's the same person is going to always come to the same conclusion, right, yes, yeah, you and I are going to go through our lives and good things are going to happen to us and bad things are going to happen to us.
Speaker 2:Mostly bad.
Speaker 1:But I bet you, if you asked one of us at age 20 versus 40, versus 60, versus 80, we're all going to come to the same exact conclusion on the Spock conundrum. That is how a person is wired.
Speaker 1:And to say that that's not how a person is wired is what this movie is doing, and that's phenomenally stupid, because it's not even a person is wired is what this movie's doing. And that's phenomenally stupid because, because it's not even about him being wired, it's like I need to complete the mission. The mission is the only thing that matters. And you're like, yeah, which is not right. That's not, and not even exactly his, the character that they presented to us not at all why did he go back?
Speaker 1:and there you go. Why did he go back and save the rookie at the beginning? Yeah, exactly. If you're only about the mission, he's collateral damage.
Speaker 2:You would have left him behind Because you don't care about it. And then you have a totally different movie of like, if they still don't make it and he let that guy die. I mean, now you're talking some real character work you got to do, got to do some character work. Okay, what were you going to say, tony, I don't make it.
Speaker 1:and he let that guy die. I mean, now you're talking some some real character work you gotta do. Gotta do some character work. Okay, what were?
Speaker 2:you gonna say tony, I don't remember. Oh, I was gonna say you, we were just talking about you. You're like, uh, there's no such thing as like a good time travel. But then I was gonna have you have you read or seen 11, 22, 63 by stephen king?
Speaker 1:it's brilliant, it's about time travel, it's no what I'm saying is if you're going to make a time travel movie, you better make it entertaining.
Speaker 2:Oh, for sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%, if it's not entertaining and we're not. If I'm spending too much time thinking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because there's the time machine, one where HG Wells and Jack the Ripper, time after time.
Speaker 2:Yes, I loved that show. It's a show, isn't it? Was it a movie? I thought it was a show, but anyhow, david Warner and oh shit okay time out, dan. So it is a movie From 1979, but it's also a television show From 2017. Now I saw the tv show and I loved it.
Speaker 1:I didn't know it was based on a movie that changes everything yeah, so there's a movie and, and you know, there you go it's, it's interesting, yeah okay, let's see what are we doing um. Yeah, okay, let's see what are we doing um, um. So where were we?
Speaker 2:let's stop this all from that oh yeah.
Speaker 1:So he's just I need the crystal, let's work together, um. And then he's all like, okay, let's do this. Um, you don't want to be on blah blah, blah, blah blah is he's in the ship? They used a teleport to get up in the ship. That was nice. I like that, yeah sure, sure sure, oh, okay, so he has socks. Old man Buzz has socks, socks. Hears Buzz change his tune, andcks knocks out old Buzz. And what does he say?
Speaker 2:That'll only last for ten minutes. Five minutes, he says five minutes. Yeah, you love timers. Talk to me, tony. Yeah, what do you want to talk about?
Speaker 1:Can he tie him up, can he do anything of a million things, so that five minutes is not five minutes?
Speaker 2:Here's what I'll tell you from all the timeline movies that are time travel movies is, if you interact with the same space as the thing that you're time traveling, it can end time. I'm pretty sure that's one of the rules Not in this stupid movie.
Speaker 1:That is literally in a movie of arbitrary bullshit things that is by far the worst. Yes, that is, I get it, I get it. That is just literally absurd. Like you're going to have five minutes but that's all you get is five. You're like.
Speaker 2:Don't touch the body, don't do it.
Speaker 1:Put him in a force field.
Speaker 2:Do something else. No, can't do it. Put him in a force field Do something else.
Speaker 1:No, can't do it. It's a knockout. He's literally knocked out on the ground.
Speaker 2:Because it's a very light knockout. So if you jostle the body, he's going to wake up. Okay, that's good.
Speaker 1:Okay, buzz sets the bridge on self-destruct, then Izzy is going to have to cross this open space to get to him.
Speaker 2:She does a terrible job.
Speaker 1:She does the jump, don't miss. The ship moves, but she grabs it, and then she also grabs Socks. Yeah, izzy then saves him and they succeed. Yay, I'm going to ask you a question, tony.
Speaker 2:Yeah, ask away, how do astronauts move in space? They have little thrusters on their suit Are they wearing Space Ranger suits? Are they wearing Space?
Speaker 1:Ranger suits. Are they wearing Space Ranger suits? Yes, they are. Why the fuck would a Space Ranger suit not have those things? Hold on, that's my first. One Second one is she has socks with her. What can socks do that we have seen in the movie? He can do everything. Everything it can spit out stuff which will move her we have seen that happen, the characters have seen that happen, but no, instead she has to just reach around. She doesn't even use her brain, she just gets lucky reaching around.
Speaker 2:Well, in her defense. These, these suits, stan, are completely useless. They have absolutely no technology stealth at a pen mode. Pen mode, they have a stealth. Yeah, they have a stealth mode, which, by the way, isn't in toy story. So why is that even a thing? Uh they have a pen right here which is also not part of the toy. As far as I can remember, there's no pen in the toy. They don't have the laser, they don't have the wings, I don't know. Ridiculous.
Speaker 1:So they blow up the ship and I or they, the ship is blowing up. I liked it when they were all sort of flying out there. There was ships flying out there and there was, they were in free fall and it was shot. Really nice, it was like I could. I could do with some of this and telling that, uh, he gets in the ship, um, but the ship gets, oh, zerg's not dead, so zerg comes and and shoots his, and then he gets the crystal. And then Buzz shoots the crystal. And that's supposed to be an emotional moment when he shoots the crystal, because that's the thing. That means something, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, supposedly.
Speaker 1:Did it mean anything to you when he shot the crystal?
Speaker 2:No, because I was pretty sure he had already chosen not to go back in time, because he had the opportunity to go back in time and he said no, so so why do you? What's oh, he needs a crystal to reconnect with earth yeah, I mean, I guess, yeah, I guess it's him choosing to stay in that, at that planet and why can't they just make it?
Speaker 1:why can't they just make another one of these crystals?
Speaker 2:why can't well with all of the things that they seem possible of like a laser uh defense system.
Speaker 1:They don't have the technology to make this crystal you have to get super lucky at the right time. Something, something, something. They do put a line in there, but it's a garbage line.
Speaker 2:Garbage.
Speaker 1:Izzy's ship is crashing, buzz gets in the front and tries to do that.
Speaker 2:And then she's like no, get on the bottom, yeah, because he stole wings now from the ship.
Speaker 1:Oh, is that what happened?
Speaker 2:So this is where the idea for the wings comes, because he stole wings and put them on and now he's flying a little bit. So then at the end, when they have their new suits, they have wings on them, but too little, too late guys, they survive izzy's, like I was in space.
Speaker 1:And then the evil commander comes up, and then he's not the evil commander anymore, he's just yeah, now why?
Speaker 2:because in what they're telling me is that he was trying to kill buzz and that's why future buzz left and went to the future. Yep, so then what? What's changed? Because for him it's only been a week, right, yeah, so what's changed? I don't know, yep.
Speaker 1:Yep, then they're like we're putting you in charge of the Space Rangers. Who do you want to pick of all these guys that you've never met and know nothing about? He's like. Instead, I'm picking my old team and they're like we're the old team and we're ready to go.
Speaker 2:And now, while it's a cute moment, but also the military would be like no, no, you need trained soldiers to do this. You're a cop now. Essentially, you need people that can actually do the job.
Speaker 1:No, I need my best friends to be on the police force with me Okay, but they're going to die.
Speaker 2:Buzz, they're going to get murdered. You want that on your head.
Speaker 1:And he does. The one guy's a coward and has a pen.
Speaker 2:yeah, it'll work out great he's gonna be fine, so dumb um, and then they have a new mission to do something.
Speaker 1:I don't pay any attention.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the only other thing I want to say damn, what is that only thing you want to say, tony? My big takeaway from this movie is again this is a prequel to the movie that andy from toy story saw. None of it makes any sense with what happens in Toy Story. With the toy they don't get their suits till the very end and he never even uses it. Correct, like they're off to become the toy that Buzz is already in. That it just doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:Except by personality and way that he sounds and how he acts and what he does. Right, only those things.
Speaker 2:Except those things, only those little tiny details. Things only those, only those little, those little tiny details. You know, you can overlook those well, the good news is they probably won't make any more of these, and I'm down with that yeah, I'm also down with that, and the good news is there's a 80 chance that you people out there have only seen a 30 minute show, and that's a real treat for you you're very lucky, you know they're making they're making uncharted 2 wait, is that a real thing?
Speaker 2:is that happening? You're shitting me and shit you not tony?
Speaker 1:shit you, I mean, I love hollywood. Unless last last week was april 1st, that's.
Speaker 2:No, it wasn't we're a ways away, although, dan, I gotta tell you this I missed one of my my work flights.
Speaker 2:uh, a few weeks ago the two weeks ago, yeah, and I was. I mean, I was at the airport 80 minutes before my flight and I still missed it because they were so busy. And then they blame me. Anyhow, and I'm arguing with this lady at the thing and she has the gall to look at me and she goes well, it's spring. You should have been here two hours before your flight. And I said, lady, it's June, june is not spring. Don't tell me it's spring break, it is fucking summer. And then she threatened to call security on me. Did you yell at the lady? I yelled at the lady. I was very cordial up until she said it's spring break and I snapped. I was like what the fuck? Are you talking about Spring break? So I got mad.
Speaker 1:Was it spring break? It was.
Speaker 2:June, it was June 7th.
Speaker 1:That's not spring break. Oh, that lady talking about junior house with this fucking guy.
Speaker 2:I mean, they're probably still talking about me. I don't give a shit.
Speaker 1:Spring break, ah, tony yes, sir, tell me about something you like this week uh, we saw um hitman, um the glenn powell netflix.
Speaker 2:I mean I loved it. It is not what I thought it was gonna be. I thought it was gonna be funnier and more of like an action comedy. It's not really, it's like a dramedy, but it's well made. And he is oh god, he's so good dude. Glenn Powell is like my new. He's my new it guy of Hollywood. I'm obsessed with him. I went back and watched Top Gun again. I went back and watched Anyone but you again. And now I'm going to go back and I'm going to watch the other Linklater film he did. Was it Get Some? Or I don't know, whatever that is. So I'm on a Glenn Powell kick now because he's so good in this movie.
Speaker 1:Powell-ing it up. Powell, it's Powell time.
Speaker 2:Powell-ing around, powell-ing around, powell-ing around.
Speaker 1:That's good. Oh shit, I like that I've been listening to, like these science fiction and horror podcasts and those horror ones are just beyond horrible. Well, which ones, I don't know. If you have a good, if you have a good one, send it to me.
Speaker 2:I mean, uh, the freddie prince jr was pretty good. I don't know if they're still making it. You, you tell your story and I'll look it up. No, I mean, is he?
Speaker 1:telling a story, or is he just talking about horror movies?
Speaker 2:Oh, they're just talking about horror movies. You mean like the narrative podcast. Yes, narrative podcast, Got it.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm sorry, but I found one that's good. It's called Wrong Station and they're kind of Twilight, sony kind of ones and they're Consistently very good. The second thing I listened to this theme park, these guys that designed theme parks, and they were talking and they had a couple, a couple women on that go to the la county fair and they were talking about have you ever been to the fair where they have they do the table settings no, what do you mean?
Speaker 2:what table settings like speed table settings?
Speaker 1:no, when you go to the fair there's like you go see the collections, and then there's like the food competes and then the craft competitions. Have you ever seen any of that stuff?
Speaker 2:no, so let no. The minnesota state fair is way cooler than all of that.
Speaker 1:But we do a butter princess competition the best butter sculpture, that one's good but if you walk into all the buildings there's all the, all the community does stuff. There's like a community art show.
Speaker 2:My mom, puts in her afghans that she makes.
Speaker 1:But they have this one thing where you, where you do a table setting, you set up a table and you put you do like a theme. You ever seen that? Are you awake?
Speaker 2:I can't hear you I'm sorry you froze for a second, but I've never seen any of this oh, so you set up table scape, table settings, but the new one is called door scaping.
Speaker 1:And what?
Speaker 2:you do scaping you.
Speaker 1:You decorate a door and then people display their doors.
Speaker 2:Why? Okay, great, I would just put a wreath on it. Would that win? You think Nope, because it wouldn't be creative enough. All right, how do you? What is an example? Do they give an example of, like, what a good door scape would be?
Speaker 1:you know the one they gave the example of is that one person did a twilight zone one and you know, at the beginning of the twilight zone there's the door, you know the door, yeah sure they did all the other things the eyeball and the little floating mannequin, and then I guess they were all out and the whole, everything was painted in black and white and I'm sure it said the twilight zone on there in big white letters. Okay, door escaping, door escaping, and let's see AI do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, ai, I mean, all right, I'll have to look it up. I've got to see some door escapes. Really good, because right now it sounds stupid.
Speaker 1:I think it sounds incredibly stupid, but I love it. A new art form exists in the world. That's incredible.
Speaker 2:It's incredible.
Speaker 1:Tony, we need a movie for next week, preferably not another stupid kids movie.
Speaker 2:Well, it's not a kids movie, but it is a prequel movie which I don't know if we really do that very often a kids movie, but it is a prequel movie, which I don't I don't know if we really do that very often, but, um, I have been watching, so I watched anyone, but you like I told you which is directed by a gentleman named will gluck, who is a guy that also directed, fired up and starring and fired up as eric christian olsen. This is the path that I went through this week and eric christian olsen did a prequel to a very famous 90s movie and I was like you know what. I saw this in 2003 in the theaters and I remember thinking man, eric Christian Olsen is unbelievable, but this movie is straight trash. So I think we should revisit this. And it is called Dumb and Dumberer. When Harry Met Lloyd oh, you cut out.
Speaker 1:I can't hear anything you're saying.
Speaker 2:Wait, you didn't hear what I said. No, I have no idea what we were doing. All right, see you next week, everybody.
Speaker 1:It's going to be rough on me this week. I need to remember what this Hans Christian Andersen character, who was in.
Speaker 2:Step it Up, harry Christian Olsen. Come on. No, we are doing. I have to look at his entire filmography. His IMDb and just go through it.
Speaker 1:What prequel of a 90s movie was this character in?
Speaker 2:It is of course Dumb and Dumberer when Harry Met Lloyd.
Speaker 1:Now is there just one, or did they make two?
Speaker 2:I think they just made one of those, oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Because I knew they made a prequel, but I didn't know if they made two of them, so they just made one of them, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think they just made one and then two of the because then they did a sequel then of the real one.
Speaker 1:There is dumb and dumber and dumb and dumber two, and then this is a prequel, which is dumb and dumber when harry met lloyd.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, wow, I can't.
Speaker 1:And it's terrible.
Speaker 2:So that's good, we're good, it's a comedy I remember it being quite, quite bad, but again that it was too. It was high school, I think.
Speaker 1:I think that was like the summer 2003 or something like that, so it's been a minute, as we've seen from the Buzz Lightyear movie, is you could have changed since then, and you might now love this movie, or the truth of the matter is you're going to hate it even more, which is exactly what this show posits. Yeah, probably, we don't really change very much.
Speaker 2:You're darn right, we don't, but I'm pumped. I'm pumped because I remember him being really good.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, it'll be interesting. If you like what you see, give us a thumbs up or leave a comment or subscribe. We're always up for that, and if you've made it this far, well, thank you. Thank you for giving us the time of day. Maybe you didn't have to make it that far, maybe because we just have half the show.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and still half the show getting through it. That's still quite a bit of work for you people.
Speaker 1:So thank you, and so if it's only half the show, imagine what the first half of the show is what comedy gems we were dropping.
Speaker 2:We came out swinging today.
Speaker 1:And yeah, suing in today and yeah, with that we'll sign off and say goodbye, goodbye everybody.
Speaker 2:Hey watch it With Dan and Tony. Hey watch it With Dan and Tony. It's like watching yeah.