Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching with Dan and Tony
Hate Watching 47 Ronin
Prepare for an epic clash of opinions as Dan and I tackle the cinematic spectacle that is "47 Ronin," with none other than Keanu Reeves leading the charge. This isn't your typical samurai tale; it's a whirlwind of fantasy, questionable character choices, and a wild Dogecoin gamble that's almost as fantastical as the film itself. You won't want to miss the fireworks as we go head-to-head over the film's rewatchability, the enchanting yet underutilized witch, and the mishandling of a hefty Netflix budget.
Venture with us into the murky waters of "47 Ronin's" often bewildering narrative choices, where samurai and sorcery collide with mixed results. The emotional weight of classics like "Gladiator" hangs over our discussion as we consider what elements could've bolstered this film's storyline. We don't hold back, pondering the cultural authenticity versus Hollywood glitz and the stumbles in engaging international audiences. Plus, we've got a full roster of other screen gems and blunders to dissect, from the reality-warping "Gogglebox" to the eerie authenticity of "Baby Reindeer."
Rounding out our cinematic rollercoaster ride, we sift through the confusion and entertainment that "47 Ronin" provides, questioning Tengu Forest's narrative oddities and the climax's chaotic escape. And for the aesthetically driven, we share thoughts on "Rebel Moon's" visual appeal despite its narrative shortcomings. So, whether you're here for the critique, the comedy, or simply to hear Dan and I spar over the merits of on-screen sorcery, you're in for a treat. Just press play and join the debate that's as sharp as a samurai's blade and as unpredictable as a witch's spell.
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Tony: @tonydczech
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Getting ready to talk about the world's greatest movie. Yeah, baby.
Speaker 2:I think that we're gonna disagree on this movie, Dan.
Speaker 1:Yeah, probably knowing you. This movie is so exciting.
Speaker 2:I like it.
Speaker 1:I don't know what to tell you. Well, you won't like it after I talk about it.
Speaker 2:Oh, I bet I will. I bet I'll like it double. Hey, watch it With Dan and Tony. Oh, I bet I will.
Speaker 1:I bet I'll like it double Welcome to Hate Watching with Dan and Anthony.
Speaker 2:No, no cut.
Speaker 1:Back to one, that's strike two on you, dan. I suppose it could be Dan and Tony.
Speaker 2:I don't even want to be on the show anymore. I've shut down. I've shut down and I'm going to be just sitting here silently the rest of the day.
Speaker 1:Good because I have things to say about this movie and you supposedly like the movie. I know you do.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I you loved it.
Speaker 1:It's not your favorite movie, tony's favorite movie. I would watch it again. I'll say that you won't want to watch it again after I talk about it.
Speaker 2:I think I will, because the witch is smoking hot.
Speaker 1:Well, that is the one good thing in the movie.
Speaker 2:She's great, just in general. She's fun. Too bad she wasn't in the movie. She's great, just in general she's fun.
Speaker 1:Too bad she wasn't in a movie where she could do something about what she was trying to perform.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Did you see that spider though she makes? That's pretty cool.
Speaker 1:She did make a spider. On this show we watch movies and this week I get to pick the movie. I picked the movie 47.
Speaker 2:Ronin 2015 Hour and 58 Minutes.
Speaker 1:Keanu Reeves Underrated classic. You know I watch this movie and you watch it and you go like okay, you know whatever. It's fine, it's harmless. Then you get to the end and you're like, okay, whatever, it's harmless, and then you start to think about it.
Speaker 2:I got mad at the end, but continue, hold on in a tony world he sees the movie and tony's gonna be like this was fun.
Speaker 1:I enjoyed it. This was also good and I like this. That's okay. But you see, yeah, in the good sales world. I I sit back and I I percolate, I do some research and I I look at the real story and then I realized a lot of research on this movie. Did you research the director?
Speaker 2:I didn't research the director specifically.
Speaker 1:Oh no you missed the best part of the research of this movie. He's a totals he. He took all these millions and millions of dollars from Netflix and didn't make a show.
Speaker 2:Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, the dollars from netflix and didn't make a show.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait, wait no, I did not do this research, dan. All right, fill us in, give us the tea baby. The funniest thing is, I've done this research before, for some reason I'm doing the research, I'm like, hey, I've read all this before.
Speaker 2:What's going on?
Speaker 1:yeah, this guy and his wife like took all this money to make this 12 part series based on his own idea about like humans and robots in the future, and this and that and the other thing. Then he just spent all the money and then when he was down to the bottom of the money.
Speaker 2:He took the money.
Speaker 1:This is all like me making most of this up Some conjecture if you will. He invested the money he had left in Dogecoin and then, like, in a year he made $23 million. Made Some conjecture, if you will. He invested the money he had left in DojaCoin and then like in a year. He made $23 million. Made $23 million. And then he bought like 12 Maseratis and all this stuff. And then Netflix is like where's?
Speaker 1:our show and he's all like what's going on over here, guy I don't know. So now they're trying to get their money back from him and he's like nope, I got all these Maseratis. Go screw yourself.
Speaker 2:My Maserati does 65. Entourage episode. That's incredible and I'm a little jealous.
Speaker 1:Like what a good move this guy did. It's like these guys that play the system and are you know, was this a well-directed movie, tony?
Speaker 2:no, no, in fact. So I I think the two weak points of this movie is the directing the direction.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and what? Uh, yeah what were you saying not?
Speaker 2:the direction and the rewrites. Sure, did you say acting? Because I would like to defend some of these, because they are not. First, what is it? English as a first language, so I don't know if you read this. But what they did is they shot the scenes first in Japanese, okay, so that the actors would understand what they're trying to say, and then, for a lot of it, they had to just phonetically say the words, because people so like it's really, and so they had to rewrite some of the script. To like dumb it down isn't the right word, but make it more simple, sure, so that they could actually. So, like it's tough, but like my thing is, shouldn't it just be in Japanese then?
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, just give me subtitles, but that would be making the movie that it should be, and these people are too stupid. Because that's what I brought up a few shows ago. I'm watching Shogun right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we haven't started it, but I'm ready.
Speaker 1:And the guy in this that plays Oishi, he's the main guy, the main.
Speaker 2:Japanese guy. He's wonderful.
Speaker 1:He's wonderful. When this movie cuts to doing him, I'm like, wow, there's the movie we want. Then they go back to Keanu Reeves' love story and you're like this is horrible.
Speaker 2:First of all, I disagree that it's horrible. There are definitely two movies in this movie that don't really work together. Nope, right, okay, as long as we agree on that. But I enjoy both movies equally.
Speaker 1:I just you have to handle like a half-breed. In Japan, you know, the princess falls in love with him for no real reason. Have you seen him? Okay, he's retractive, sure, but and he doesn't age.
Speaker 2:So this guy. I don't know what's going on, but he's got magic powers man Did you read what the true story of the 47 Ronin is.
Speaker 1:What's it about? What's it about? What's it about?
Speaker 2:Loyalty and revenge.
Speaker 1:Loyalty honor revenge.
Speaker 2:Is it revenge or avenge? You know what I mean. Avenging yes. Yeah, I feel like revenging is a negative connotation.
Speaker 1:So what this movie is supposed to be about is supposed to be about these 47 guys who have been stripped of their samurai ship and have become ronin, which is a was samurai without a master, who has, who has lost his honor. And then they want to redeem their honor, and they want to do this by killing the guy who messed up their situation.
Speaker 2:Right, and they know full well that in doing that they're breaking the code. And that's all she wrote.
Speaker 1:They're under a death sentence, yeah, at any. Moment did anyone act like they were doing something as if they were under a death sentence? Yes, no that is not. There is no yes.
Speaker 2:Don't ask me to give examples.
Speaker 1:You're saying at the end of the movie, when they explain it, they're all like, oh, we were doing it on a death sentence. But that's the whole crux of the movie has to be about them choosing the way of honor, because when he leaves his wife, his wife's like you, got to say I got divorced, and then she's like I love you, goodbye. She does not act, she does not feel like she is leaving for his death.
Speaker 2:Because he is leaving for his death, yeah, like he's not coming back, and this is why I get mad at the ending of this movie. I don't know if you want to talk about it yet. We can save it till the end, okay I mean, I mean the end of this movie. They all off themselves right of course.
Speaker 2:What is the word for that? You know? Okay, great, so they do that. I have so many problems with that only because I understand that that's how the real story went. But this movie is not about that. This movie is not about 47 dudes who are like we're gonna do this but we're gonna die at the end. It's not what this movie is about. This movie is about a guy who was bewitched in into getting falsely accused of doing something, and these guys are taking back what is theirs. And then then the main dude, the Shogun, is like at the end of the movie. He basically says listen, guys, there was witchcraft involved. I was wrong, you were right. Slit your throats.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that doesn't make sense in this movie Well of course.
Speaker 1:See. That's the whole thing. That's the whole story. That's the only reason to make this movie.
Speaker 2:No, no, I understand that. That's the story of the real thing. That is not the story of this movie. If you made the movie where that's the story, I'm okay with it.
Speaker 1:So they should have killed the Shogun and then been in charge of everything I mean if anything, the Shogun should have done himself, and I forgot the word already.
Speaker 2:I feel so bad.
Speaker 1:Wait a second. So you're saying this movie should have led up to everyone killing everyone, like saying you guys were right, because no, that's the whole thing about honor.
Speaker 2:But he said you're right. He literally said you guys were right. You fought with honor and we're going to keep your son alive because your bloodline is just too good to get rid of, because you're honorable and good and he threw them a giant bone which was letting them be a giant bone it was a giant in their society is a giant bone. I understand, if this was real life, that all of these things are correct In this movie that I saw. This is not the storyline of this movie.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, because the entire beginning of the movie is wrong. The only good part of the movie is the very ending, where they get it right. Hold on.
Speaker 2:What you're saying is it's wrong. It's not wrong. That's the movie that they're pitching. It's not the original story, right? They've changed it so much that it is not the same story. So the movie that you're dealing with. You're looking at it as they did the wrong thing. They didn't do the wrong thing, they did what they decided to do and then at the end they went back to the original thing without realizing they changed the entire story before it. That's what they did wrong. You either have to change the whole movie and stick to your own story that you've decided or do the original story. One of those two is right, but you can't do half and half, oh yeah you can, because the whole beginning part of the story is stupid.
Speaker 1:So if the whole beginning of the story made sense and there was a reason for it, then I'm sure that you could change the ending. But you see, that's the whole thing. When you take a classic story, if you ignore the classic story and then you use the classic story ending, you're the one that's fucked up Because he hasn't brought in anything.
Speaker 2:There's nothing better.
Speaker 1:What is better about the story that he did?
Speaker 2:It doesn't matter if it's better. They went a different direction and they have to stick to it, because the movie that they made now doesn't make sense. Yeah, of course, because it's a terrible movie, but we just disagree on what you're like. They screwed up the beginning. I'm like no, no, they chose to make the beginning and in doing so, you have to change the ending, otherwise your beginning that you chose doesn't make sense okay.
Speaker 1:So what you're saying, tony, is you've made 80 of the movie, that's bad, and then you put on the good ending. What you're saying, tony, is you've made 80% of the movie, that's bad, and then you put on the good ending.
Speaker 2:But you're saying, if you put a better ending on a bad 80% then the bad 80% is going to work, it's not going to work, it still doesn't work. A different ending. It just has to make sense to your beginning.
Speaker 1:But you see, the 80% that's junk doesn't have a fulfilling ending. Okay, so the fulfilling ending is like he's like. Oh, we'll meet in another lifetime. Kisses on the bridge.
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, I would have loved to see that other lifetime. Give me something. Teary-eyed. There she passes away. Give me the supernatural ending. Spoiler alert if you haven't seen Supernatural, by the way. Yeah, they meet on a bridge in the afterlife or in a different plane. Great, give me that. Give me something. Give me something. Your movie is not a sad movie where 47 people kill themselves at the end. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Okay, Tony, since you understand this and you like that whole first part and you thought it was going somewhere, where should it have gone? Write the ending. Write the ending, Tony write the ending.
Speaker 2:Only Oishi kills himself because his men were doing the right thing. He led them. So it's like someone has to be punished. So we'll kill you, but your men can stay because they are honorable, good men. And then Keanu, in an act of loyalty, does it with them. That's the end of the movie.
Speaker 1:That's better, but the only problem is then you can't release the movie in Japan because everyone goes and sees it and it's like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:You are absolutely right, but guess what, dan? The movie didn't do well in Japan anyhow so it doesn't matter?
Speaker 1:Of course it didn't. It's because they, they, they, because they messed.
Speaker 2:They changed all the beginning. I understand all these things, but here's my. All I'm saying is I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it up until the end, when they were like oh, by the way, we're just going to do the original ending, even though we've changed everything else from the tale. You, I, here's the thing they're cowards. That's what I'm saying, dan.
Speaker 1:Well then, let me, let me, let's spend some time talking about the movie, so I could ruin the whole movie for you some more let's go.
Speaker 2:Let's go, bring it on voiceover ancient feudal japan.
Speaker 1:These are magic islands, islands of witches and demons and samurai. First of all, they were in the real story. There's no witches and demons and samurai. Of course, they just added all this because, yeah, because they didn't think people could watch a movie.
Speaker 2:That has consequences and well, they wanted to do, not? They, I don't know which, they, those studios? Right, we're like we need this to be high fantasy. This needs to be like lord of the rings, that type of feel, because that's what the people want. Now I do have a question, dan. Yeah, lord of the rings garbage hey, we agree on that I actually, I concur, I am not a fan.
Speaker 1:See, that's the whole thing is lord of the rings made all this money, so they think if we emulate something, that made all this money. We're gonna make all this money. But the thing about lord of the rings is it's like that magical thing that works for a large swath of the population. It doesn't work for me, it doesn't work for you, which is fine. I'm like if you love it, you love it. You can sit there for three hours and watch guys ride horses across the countryside. Do whatever you want. That's your time.
Speaker 2:Live your life how you want to live it, my friend. But it's not an equation for success, agreed, except for the part of the equation where they're like let's get Viggo Mortensen in this movie because I love him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean there's a bunch of I kind of understand why people like it and that's fine. Oh sure, it's not for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not for me.
Speaker 1:But this movie is like well, if we got people riding across the hill on horseback, all of those Lord of the Rings people will love this movie. And it's like the answer to that is wrong.
Speaker 2:Apparently they didn't. I mean, I didn't see that coming. Okay, what were you going to say? Yeah, my question, dan, is the entire. They've changed the origin of what happens. How would it have played out without the supernatural elements?
Speaker 1:Just it just would have. They wouldn't have had to fight dragons and do dumb things. You just have a real intrigue.
Speaker 2:The whole setup is the witch is doing these things. Yeah, so if they don't have the supernatural element, who what's, what's, what is even what's happening?
Speaker 1:Well, in the real story, what happens is the um, the uh, uh. Let's see the main bad guy uh, kira, he gets insulted by the, he gets insulted by the Lord Asano. He gets insulted, and so then Asano has to kill himself because of the insult. And so it just starts out that way it starts out. It's a story of treachery, right? As opposed to enchantment, and treachery 10 times more interesting than enchantment. Enchantment, boring Enchantment, stupid, right, all it is. Enchantment is just a witch is like oh, you're not the character you once were and so something can happen, as opposed to treachery, where you're all like oh, dude, you're fucking up. We're sitting there watching as Asano fucks up because he does not know how to navigate the world.
Speaker 2:But guess what? That's not the movie they made.
Speaker 1:No, it's not the movie they made.
Speaker 2:They made a movie in which Kira uses a witch to change people and make them do things they wouldn't normally do. And then the Shogun's like yeah, that happened. However, you still have to kill yourself that doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1:Well, and more importantly, the characters in this world don't even they don't even recognize the supernatural that's standing next to them.
Speaker 2:That is the worst part of this movie.
Speaker 1:I'm Keanu Reeves. I'm like there's a witch and she's doing stuff to the main guy and he's all like. You don't know what you're talking about. I will ignore your information because I want the plot to happen Like what the fuck? You march here. Yeah, I mean, we'll talk about all the things where people are enchanted and magic happens and you can see it their eyes are glazed over.
Speaker 2:You can totally tell. Let me take it's a whole change here's our champion.
Speaker 1:His eyes are glazed over and fucked up. We need to do a different champion and the Shogun's like he'll. He'll say oh, that's treachery, you other guys lose. I mean, it's stupid. Every decision is made because of magic that just arbitrarily changes things for the wrong and they're like oh.
Speaker 2:Well, nobody calls it out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well no.
Speaker 2:One person calls it out and the main guy ignores him.
Speaker 1:But he doesn't even call it out when it matters.
Speaker 2:He says it to that guy in secrecy. He's like like hey, I saw a witch in the woods. And he's like, no, he didn't bro. And he's like, okay, you're right. And then it comes to the tournament thing and he's you know what?
Speaker 1:let's just get to that scene so boom, here's the kid is running through the forest, I'm running through the forest, I'm running through the forest. He falls in the river. They pick him up, they're like oh, you're a weird changeling and you're a half breed and you and you're all these things, but we'll keep you anyways.
Speaker 2:Wasn't there a line that's like that? Some people thought he'd bring good luck to the village, or something like that.
Speaker 1:I'm sure there was a line that said bringing him to the village would cause only bad luck, which he doesn't even cause bad luck.
Speaker 2:No, he doesn't really do much, as it turns out.
Speaker 1:So they bring him in there. The daughter just automatically falls into love with him, he falls in love with her. They grow up together. They see each other, they're happy, their love grows.
Speaker 2:Friends to lovers, man Classic tale, tale as old as time.
Speaker 1:That was young people. Oh, he was brought up in the Tengu forest, so he is brought up by the Tengu, which are bird spirits. Oh, okay, that would have been good information to know. I'm always waiting for them to say that. They never say that.
Speaker 2:They never say that, but they kept saying Tengu like it mattered and I was like, should I know something? It turns out I should have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you should have known something, but I did not.
Speaker 2:It seems weird that they didn't tell me that, because of all of the other exposition that they do tell me in this movie, but that's fine, yeah, um, so he's all grown up.
Speaker 1:They, they're tracking this creature and and keanu's like oh, I'm the great tracker, I'm the great this, I'm the great that. And he's all like we should just set a trap for it. They're all like nope, we're gonna go try to kill it so they.
Speaker 2:So it's weird because they set him up as the guy, he is the tracker, right, they trust him to track the animal and then, when he's like this is how you deal with the animal, they're like nah, dude, we're gonna go do our own thing. It doesn't really make a lot of sense. Nope, doesn't make any sense so they track it.
Speaker 1:The monster turns out to be. It's a Kirin, which you know, okay whatever.
Speaker 2:What is? What is that? I don't know what that is.
Speaker 1:Kirin beer is no no you don't know the Japanese beer, kirin beer.
Speaker 2:K I R I N I've never been to Japan, I don't drink beer, I don't know nothing, I don't live here in America.
Speaker 1:Whatever, they run ads on television for it, but whatever.
Speaker 2:I don't watch television. I can't deal with commercials. You ever play Dungeons?
Speaker 1:and Dragons yes, okay, karen's like this magical spirit dragon that flies and does all these things. I mean in Dungeons and Dragons. It's a lawful good thing, but instead it is this rampaging beast with whiptails and things You're just like oh god, whatever.
Speaker 1:It rampages, knocks things over, they chase it. It kills a bunch of things. And this one dude who we're like, ah, this is going to be his foil Yasuno. You're like, ah, yasuno, here we go. Yasuno. You're like, ah, yasuno, we're going to. Here we go. Yasuno gets knocked over. He goes, keanu engages the beast, kills the beast, and Yasuno is like sitting there like I'm a scared child. And then everybody comes and they're all like, ah, yasuno did this. Of course Yasuno did this, yas. And then Yasuno's like, ooh. And then they give him like the horn and we're like, ah, here, here's the big act. One thing is Yasuno, who he's going to be in conflict with.
Speaker 2:Well, he and Yasuno don't have a word for about an hour, hour and a half, not really, and then it just resolves. We don't really deal with this thing that we've set up at all.
Speaker 1:It's beautiful, it's like we should have gone back and Yasuno should have been like oh fucking Kai, what a lazy fucker. You know he did nothing and I was doing everything. But no, we don't do any of that.
Speaker 2:We don't do any of those classic movie things that you could do in a stupid movie. But the main guy notices that Keanu's hands are bloodied and he's like man, he probably did it, and then you know that doesn't matter either, doesn't matter no reason for me to think about that or say some words. Where Yasuno can lie, whatever, put it aside yep, yeah, it's totally fine, and you don't like this movie, dan, this is fun stuff.
Speaker 1:I wonder why I don't like this movie. Okay, boom, oh, he sees the little witch. There's a. This is fun stuff. I wonder why I don't like this movie. Okay, boom, oh, he sees the little witch. There's a witch. She disguises herself as this beautiful white fox. He sees the witch Two different colored eyes. They play that really well. The two different colored eyes Played really well. Yeah, because it's a good movie. So we got Lord Kira, who is the rival. He has this castle fortress. Here's the witch. She comes back. She's like I failed. The thing was supposed to kill someone.
Speaker 2:What was it supposed to do? Someone, I don't know. I yeah, I got confused because someone says like blank still lives, and I was. I didn't know who that was or why that was.
Speaker 1:Yeah so it turns out that the shogun is coming to asano's place and then they're gonna hold like a big tournament. So boom, he's gotta have everything ready. That's why they really hunted down the thing and didn't take their time. The men returned and they're like everything's ready. Uh, mika the princess goes to see kai. He's in his hut of shame, he's hurt. She salves his wounds. I mean, that was really a point where you really felt their love, right, tony?
Speaker 2:I felt the love the whole time as kids, as teenagers and now I mean they love each other.
Speaker 1:You really believe that?
Speaker 2:You think that the acting between these two. I believe anything he tells me Alright, how about that?
Speaker 1:You're telling me the acting between these two characters really makes you feel like they're passionately in love with each other.
Speaker 2:Knock it out of the park. You know that movie, the Notebook Nothing compared to this.
Speaker 1:This is Tony acting. He's acting like he really believes that.
Speaker 2:Acting. No, listen, it's not like it's really good or anything, but they say it, so I believe them.
Speaker 1:Wait, that's all they have to do. Don't need any acting in there.
Speaker 2:Just tell me how you're feeling. You don't have to show me.
Speaker 1:We're passionately in love, as we stand like wooden things apart from each other and don't ever look at each other lovingly.
Speaker 2:There's an old saying, dan, in screenwriting, and it's tell, don't show.
Speaker 1:So if you tell me something, you don't have to show me something, okay. So it's fine. Now I see why you love this movie. You're good, you're good man. Okay.
Speaker 2:Then they say, our love has no place shogun's people arrive which it doesn't, by the way, and we don't deal with that nearly and like that's a pretty big plot point to just drop and then pretty much almost ignore the rest of the time. Wait, what's the plot point? That their love has no place, that they can't be in love. They never really have to fight that because we don't deal with it.
Speaker 1:And there's never any fear. When you're afraid of your thing, you're afraid of getting caught.
Speaker 2:They have to get caught.
Speaker 1:If you're afraid of getting caught, you have to get caught. That's the rules.
Speaker 2:Yes, a hundred, a bajillion percent, or not. Yeah, either one. Pick your adventure.
Speaker 1:So Kira's party arrives, he sees the witch, he tells the lord, he tells Awashi that the witch is there and Awashi's like meh, I don't know.
Speaker 2:No, no, she that the witch is there and why she's like I don't know. No, no, what he said was something on the lines of you were probably just bewitched by a beautiful woman, which is a fine line, except for the part where he's like, no, she was a, a fox last time I saw her and now she's a human. That's not me being in love with a beautiful woman like I. Don't imagine the women that I love as animals like I, like that doesn't make any sense, right? Maybe you do, maybe you don't, maybe listen what you do on your own time.
Speaker 2:You know, whatever dan's got these little like badgers and he loves me, that's what he loves sexy badgers.
Speaker 1:Um, uh, oh, wait now. Okay, the shogun showed up, then kira shows up. He's making moves on mika and he's all like come sit next to me at the party now time out.
Speaker 2:Dan, yeah, because this is the part. This is the first part of this movie. Or was like wait, this doesn't make any sense. This is the first part. That doesn't make any sense. First, moment of this movie where I was like hold up, this doesn't make any sense. This is the first moment of this movie where I was like hold up, this doesn't track with what you're telling me. Kira is talking to the head guy of oh boy, the samurai Lord Asuna Oishi yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, the father of the main girl right Mika's father, mika's father, lord Asano.
Speaker 2:And he's like, hey, your concubine's real pretty. Yeah, and he's like oh no, that's my daughter. Yeah, this guy just called your daughter a whore, essentially. And no one is like dishonor, dishonor. That doesn't make sense to me.
Speaker 1:It's almost like you could use that to cause them to do something Right.
Speaker 2:That should have been almost the other way around. And that guy's like ah, you're dead. So I was a little confused by that. And then Kira gives a look like eww, gay, I did that.
Speaker 1:It's so weird.
Speaker 2:It's the most bizarre thing in this entire movie to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the guy that plays Kira is medium.
Speaker 2:He's a little hokey, as it were, compared to the rest of the people in this movie.
Speaker 1:So boom, we're going to start the thing. Out comes their bad guy, the bad guy's champion. Who's this big suit of armor? Who? I guess is seven feet tall is a golem, so I guess there's not even a person in there.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's why he disintegrates later, it he like, because he I okay I did write that note. I was like when he blew up he just kind of like went into dirt and I was very confused, but that's because he's rocks, I guess he's a goal, so and again that that's not cheating. The shogun at the end should be like oh, and, by the way, the original fight was totally cheating all around. So y'all are fine.
Speaker 1:This movie doesn't make sense and it's stupid. Um so boom, they possessed again.
Speaker 2:It's supposed to fight him, and so keanu's like well, I guess I'll fight him hold on though, runs into this tent, the guy's on the ground and the kid's there, and his eyes are white. Keanu turns him over and he goes. It's witchcraft. He just knows witchcraft right off the bat. How much witchcraft do they see on a day-to-day basis? He saw the fox around.
Speaker 1:So you know he's ready for it.
Speaker 2:So he's just okay, so he's just seeing all the signs of witchcraft, Got it. Yeah, he saw that, got it, got it got it.
Speaker 1:So instead he puts it on, he goes out there and starts to fight. He's getting his ass kicked and then the golem just goes bonk and his helmet flies off and his helmet falls off and everybody's like, oh, this is bad, and so they All right.
Speaker 2:Two questions. Number one the kid goes. Someone says hey, we should go tell my dad that this guy is Bewitched.
Speaker 1:That's.
Speaker 2:Oishi's son, yeah. And then Keanu is like, nah, there's no time, what, what do you?
Speaker 1:mean there's no time. Well, they set up a bullshit time limit where the show was like I didn't know.
Speaker 2:They're like, oh, is he coming, is he coming is he coming or not coming and it's like the battle's null and void. There's been cheating, there's tampering, just go out there be like, uh, my lord, this guy's under a spell, so we can't do this that how hard.
Speaker 2:Is that okay, great, so that doesn't make any sense. And then now they all come over to keanu and they're like hey, you're not a samurai, this is illegal, illegal tampering. And then Keanu should be like oh hey, go check out our fighter, he's bewitched. There are two chances for him to tell people, and he doesn't tell anyone.
Speaker 1:I don't get it yeah.
Speaker 2:That's it. I don't understand it, okay. Well, I'm not the person to pose those questions to well, I don't have anyone else here, dan, you're my only person to talk to. It's like I know what this stupid.
Speaker 1:So they're like keanu, since you did things wrong, we're gonna beat you. So they beat him. And then the big man comes up and he's like stop.
Speaker 2:And then he like hits him with the big samurai.
Speaker 1:Oh he's cute yeah, what's his name?
Speaker 2:is. I thought I said it. I don't be saying I don't think that I don't believe they ever say his name and his.
Speaker 1:His relationship with keanu very bubbled. He's either like the guy that hated keanu, went through rocks with him when he was a kid and still hates him, or he like the guy that hated Keanu and threw rocks at him when he was a kid and still hates him, or he's the guy that or loves him or is his friend, is in love with him or misses him. I don't know, because he never plays the same character. There was a character in this movie? Is he the comic side relief?
Speaker 1:that's not effective Is he Keanu's buddy from when he was a kid who, like, was there to help him and so he's got to protect him, was there to help him and so he's got to protect him. No, we don't do any of those things because those would make characters Choices, Choices that characters have, Giving characters something to do in this movie other than ride on horses to this place. Ride on horses to this place ride on horses to this place.
Speaker 2:Those horses are pretty, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:They look great, okay. So the fox goes and takes out Kira's heart and turns it into a spider, then sends the spider into Lord Asano's room and bewitches Lord Asano. So Asano thinks that Kira is going after Mika, and so he goes in there and roughhouses him.
Speaker 2:Hold on, we're going really fast. Yes, I want to say yes, we're going really fast. Yes, I want to say yes, yes, yes, we are. I just want to say I really like and I'm sure you don't the special effects of how she travels, the witch. That's part of the movie. Oh, okay, good, okay, cool, cool, cool, yeah. I thought that was a really cool idea and it's really done well. I thought, like she turns into the I don't know a robe, it's like cloth, a billowy cloth, yeah, and kind of floats around.
Speaker 1:I think it's really cool. It's gorgeous. Not all of the. The special effects are gorgeous. The hair? I don't think works well, but when she turns into that it's like wow, this, this is a really nice. Special effect, very effective, very telling, and that's what she should have been. Yeah, that's a good one. So it turns out that Since he attacked Kira, Now hold on.
Speaker 2:I do have a question, though, dan Are spiders important in Japanese culture? I'm just trying to understand why she creates a spider and then drops the spider on his face, and then the spider just poops on him across his lips and then leaves. It doesn't feel like you need a spider for that, because it looks good. I, I mean, it does look good, but I was waiting for, like I don't know, a spider bite, maybe, because that's what spiders do, right something as opposed to like a slug that just leaves behind the slime across his lips. I, I don't know. Not as sexy. No, that's true. It sexy no, that's true. It's not as sexy, that's true Slug them, slug them.
Speaker 1:And a lot slower, also slower. He'd definitely wake up to that. So Shogun's like, the law is clear Death penalty for you. You must commit seppuku. He commits seppuku and we get one of the great lines of the movie.
Speaker 2:He commits a puku and we get one of the great lines of the movie.
Speaker 1:Somebody says to Mika don't let him see you cry. Yeah, they put that line in this movie. Who, why, who.
Speaker 2:Who's they?
Speaker 1:I don't know either. I don't know.
Speaker 2:And why can't? Her dad is literally dying. Why can't she show emotion? I don't know, because people don't know. And why can't? Her dad is literally dying. Why can't she show emotion? I don't know, because people it feels a little weird.
Speaker 1:Because she can't be the leader anymore.
Speaker 2:All right, she's not the leader. Yeah, she doesn't even get appointed the leader. Mike again, and this we won't talk. I just want to point it out. There were plenty of chances for anyone to say wait, hold up, he was bewitched. We all saw his eyes crazy and we all know that he was bewitched. Why doesn't anyone say it? There's a whole room of witnesses. It's not like this happened in private and then it's just his word against Kira's. There were like eight other guys in the room. Doesn't make a lot of sense, dan. Alright, continue with your show, do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 1:No, you like this movie, I'm just I do I enjoy it?
Speaker 2:I'm not saying it's a good movie, but I enjoyed it. Like once we get past this stuff and we get to the actual samurai adventure, that's pretty fun, and then the end is terrible. So the middle ground is fucked. We just got to get to it, we just have to survive. Yeah, we just got to get through it and then quit early. We just have to survive.
Speaker 2:That's my motto in life the first hour and the last 10 minutes, and there might be 30 or so good minutes that are not beyond there, there's a solid 30 to 40 minutes in the middle that I enjoyed, whether they're there or not, they're like.
Speaker 1:So then they basically all the samurai are going to get stripped of their samurai. They're going to become ronin. They can't fight. Mika's got some poison, she's thinking about it. She doesn't do it for a reason we don't know.
Speaker 2:And then Mika has to marry Kira. Can I ask you a question?
Speaker 1:They say Mika, you got to marry Kira and you're like why did she kill herself? I don't know.
Speaker 2:I'd kill myself. Well, they do posit that they give her poison, yeah, so why did she Someone's like, hey, here's some poison for you. So, tony, defender of this movie, why did she kill herself? Because why would she? Nothing's even, and I was like okay, your dad died Big deal. He led a good life. He's very old.
Speaker 1:And now she's got to marry the dude in a year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but is that really the end of the world? Sometimes you got to marry people you don't want to marry. I don't know, she's got plenty of time to kill him.
Speaker 1:and then go find Keanu Reeves they banish the Ronin, kai's dragged off to somewhere and Aoshi, they throw in a pit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, okay. So this is my question About the Ronin, right? So the Shogun is like, hey, you're Ronin now, but I forbid you From seeking vengeance. But like they're already Disgraced, right, so can he still order them around?
Speaker 1:Sure, he's a shogun, he can do whatever he wants.
Speaker 2:Sure, but like why would I Listen? You're not my boss anymore, you just fired Me.
Speaker 1:Essentially, because you know, because you're a western gaijin, tony, and these are men of Honor. I am yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm not, you're right, I'm not a man of honor.
Speaker 1:Let's be clear you're a filthy Gaijin and that's why they would never trust you because you are not honorable.
Speaker 2:But I'm right.
Speaker 1:No, you're not. What's?
Speaker 2:better about that, okay, but in this world, dan, I am right, because they all know that he was bewitched. That doesn't matter. So they've been done wrong.
Speaker 1:They've been done dirty, yeah, but that doesn't mean Okay, see, that's the whole thing. You know, this is one of those. You know, save the universe or save Spock things, tony, and you save Spock, hold on. But you see, you're not saying that, you're saying the exact opposite this time. No, oh, oh, yes, you are. You're saying these guys are like we've lost our honor, right, because of what happened, even if it was unfair this, that or the other thing, we've lost our honor and we, because we believe in honor, are going to stick to that. We are not going to, we're not going to do the thing we're not supposed to do. Why is that? Because we're honorable men. You're like well, you've got to do the thing that's right. Well, the thing that's right is saving the universe not saving a single person.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is that they've been done dirty and they need to go kill that guy because he's the bad guy.
Speaker 1:They're good guys. But the good guys have been. But you see, there's the celestial, the shogun is above them and he tells them what to do.
Speaker 2:But he's wrong. Yeah, he has made a grievous mistake.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then he admits that he's made a mistake and still nothing changes. I don't like it.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, that's the world, right, the world see, if you. Well, you're right about that, If you do all your actions based on what the world is telling you, then you're not an honorable man. You do not. You cannot sit in your own honor and you will die dishonored, and that's that's the worst of all things. Dishonor, that's not that bad Because then you're not true to yourself, shouldn't you be true to yourself?
Speaker 2:and your honor. I mean, it depends on how far that gets you.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean Exactly Because you're just a typical gaijin, only thinking about what matters. I don't know what that word is.
Speaker 2:Is it a mean word? You bet it is. You bet it is it's a.
Speaker 1:Westerner. It's a Westerner with Western beliefs, beliefs and these guys are not westerners.
Speaker 2:These guys are honorable and I'm the west of the western, you know. I mean I'm, I'm west coast, western, so a year.
Speaker 1:So we're like one year later, which is weird what happens after one year?
Speaker 2:later I'm nothing oh they get married. There was like a weird what are you talking about? Kira and the guy are getting married one year later. Why was there a one-year engagement?
Speaker 1:well, because she has to have a year to mourn no, no.
Speaker 2:Is that really what it is what he says?
Speaker 1:that's what the show says you guys will marry in a year so that the lands will be you know that land will have a lord, and then you guys are getting married. You should get one year to have more. And she's all like yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't know, it's weird. It's weird to put a time date, but that's great. I was just curious, because I didn't understand the one year thing because in the real story they wait two years in order to lull them to sleep.
Speaker 1:There was something about a year.
Speaker 2:No, it's two years In the original tale. It's two years. They wait two years so that they feel comfortable, and then they come mess everybody up.
Speaker 1:It's almost like that makes sense, as opposed to putting the stupid wedding thing as the motivating factor. Well, that's what I was thinking.
Speaker 2:There's this weird arbitrary time stamp on it that's like well, you're going to get married in one year from today. I don't know.
Speaker 1:What does that even mean? What do they care if she gets married? That's not what they're worried about. They're worried about their honor.
Speaker 2:Well, keanu cares. You know what I mean, except for he doesn't. He doesn't care, so that's also confusing.
Speaker 1:He's so brainwashed, okay.
Speaker 2:What is the instigating thing that happens?
Speaker 1:after a year, so that this can all happen.
Speaker 2:I have no idea, just remember what was the last thing that happened before the year passed.
Speaker 1:The last thing that happened before he got thrown in a pit Okay, so what happens after a year?
Speaker 2:He gets out of the pit. He gets out of the pit.
Speaker 1:Is it that hard? If you don't remember him getting out of the pit? I don't know.
Speaker 2:Why do?
Speaker 1:they let him out of the pit. He gets out of the pit. Is it that hard? If you don't?
Speaker 2:remember him getting out of the pit. I don't know why do they let him out of the pit?
Speaker 1:because it's to come to the wedding so that the movie can start going again yeah, well, it's confusing.
Speaker 2:So that's why it's weird, right, like what a weird choice. Because in the original story they it's a very tactic, like it's a tactic, but this one is just like. As soon as he gets out, he's like okay, now I'm ready to fuck some shit up.
Speaker 1:I don't understand what do they say in the plot synopsis of the movie has happened after that year you read the plot synopsis.
Speaker 2:Of course I read the plot synopsis. I don't read any synopses.
Speaker 1:Well, I do.
Speaker 2:I told you, I don't know.
Speaker 1:They believed a wishy's will was broken.
Speaker 2:That's why they let him out. That's what the plot synopsis says. They were so wrong. He immediately gathers up his troops and comes back and kills them.
Speaker 1:More importantly, no one in the movie says that, says that yeah, so they just let him out, their biggest enemy. They're just like it's been a year.
Speaker 2:It's probably fine now he's over it.
Speaker 1:We're tired of feeding you. Why don't you leave?
Speaker 2:I guess I missed this whole one year in the pit thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you love this movie so much, you look past all its stupidities.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because pretty soon it gets fun for a little bit Okay. In fact, this is where it starts to get fun.
Speaker 1:When he goes to get.
Speaker 2:Keanu, it gets fun it starts to get fun.
Speaker 1:So, boom, they let him out. He goes and sees his wife. He's all like tell everyone, we're divorced, give me three horses. He goes to Keanu. Keanu's been given to the Dutch pirate town, which is made up of a bunch of ships that have crashed into each other. It's cool if you're watching like Peter Pan or a cartoon.
Speaker 2:Or this movie, because I thought it was cool.
Speaker 1:So boom, oishi just walks in there. Boom, Door opens. Oh, look, here we are watching the the arena and keanu kills this big guy. And then he goes in there and he's all like I'll fight him next. And then they start fighting and he's all like keanu, wake up, wake up, kai is gonna get married. And then he's like oh, like, I'm a robot, I have no memory you're like so what?
Speaker 2:what happened? Oh okay, you didn't understand it either.
Speaker 1:Well, you mean that he's forgotten his entire existence for a noble reason, without?
Speaker 2:any explanation as to why it's only been a year, maybe it's not that long.
Speaker 1:Maybe I should have hit him on the head a bunch of times, then you'd be like, oh his head he's just got memory loss from all of his concussions.
Speaker 2:You know he's got like this cloth wrapped around his head.
Speaker 1:He's just got memory loss from all of his concussions. It's not working. He's got like this cloth wrapped around his head and he fights like this. Oh, let me throw something out here.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, this is the good part.
Speaker 1:Yeah, explain how this is good.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, no, that's not what I'm doing. I'm saying what I think could have been cool, right? Oh, you mean, if they made a good movie I don't know about good you didn't like the way that I pitched the ending early. You were like, I mean, it's better but it's not good. So you're probably not going to like this pitch either, but here I go.
Speaker 1:Now she shows up. They also thought they were making Gladiator with this movie.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean sure, or yeah, I don't know. I would have watched another movie I didn't enjoy. I haven't seen gladiator in 20 years me either. I don't think. I don't know if I liked it. I think that there were parts that I was like, oh, this is well done, but I don't know if I actually liked the movie. You know what I mean. Okay, it definitely made me cry, anyhow.
Speaker 2:So let me pitch this, let me pitch you this right well when he isn't he like in a field and he sees his dead wife in his mind, I think there's some sad stuff in that movie there could be, I like again. It's been a long time, but I think it scarred me pretty deeply. I don't know. Uh, okay, so oishi, is that his name? Oishi shows up, but the last time that kianu saw him he was bowing to the bad guy oh so he misconstrues, yes.
Speaker 2:So he's mad at him at first and he's like, I don't care, you're a son of a bitch, right, and that's why they're fighting. And then he's like, hey, she's getting married, we're gonna go help her. And he's like, oh shit, we, she's getting married, we're going to go help her. And he's like, oh shit, we got to escape brother. So then they fight and kill and escape. Yeah, so there's like character motivations to it, okay, as opposed to like Keanu's, just I'm just a fighter. Now, it's all I know. I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's so weird I love how you watch a bad movie and you concoct the good movie that this movie could have been in your mind and then you think you're enjoying a movie, I'm having fun, and I'm like, oh, that would have been cool.
Speaker 2:Wow, let's go to the next scene. Why did he?
Speaker 1:but it gets fun I'm still waiting for that. Why did he go? Why did he go to save keanu first?
Speaker 2:great question. Yeah, I don't know why he would.
Speaker 1:That's a weird choice, I don't know it's a weird choice it's a weird choice, it's almost like in the movie in tony's head. They'd have known that kiana was the only one who was going to be able to defeat the witch for some reason?
Speaker 2:exactly well, because he's got magical powers. Yeah, did you know that?
Speaker 1:because I was actually surprised well, we'll talk about the magical powers. Another thing that's really stupid. You're not wrong, so so they sort of fight and then canon wakes up. We don't have any. The only way we know that he wakes up and realize what's going on is he just runs away yep, he's like we gotta go, like why couldn't they just have a little conversation while they're fighting?
Speaker 2:you know what I mean? There should be some talking during the routine. So they but I do like the escape. I think that's a fun escape, like they stab a guy in the in the audience and then they're like we gotta go and then they like run away from it. It's a fun little couple minutes sure, yeah, um, we actually do.
Speaker 1:He's like Kai asked him, why me? And then he's like I need your help.
Speaker 2:That's the whole explanation. That's not an actual answer.
Speaker 1:You've got to get your number two. You wouldn't get the guy. That's not even a samurai.
Speaker 2:That's correct. The guy that yeah whatever the half-breed that nobody even likes. We see K that, yep, yeah. Whatever the half breed that nobody even likes.
Speaker 1:We see Kira. He's beating people up and then the witch tells him that Keanu has escaped.
Speaker 2:Okay, how are they? They're just like keeping tabs on him for some reason, I suppose, like why would they care after they sent him away? Why, I don't know, man, because you never know so he, you never know.
Speaker 1:He sends the witch to go find Oishi, okay, and kill him. We go to a lake and some, a bunch of the guys there, and then they're all like we, we, we almost get a speech from the Oishi and he's kind of like the time has come. Oh, I guess he did say it if we succeed, we die, but we need some justice. So there it is.
Speaker 2:I guess that I guess this was the one scene where we, we realized that they were all gonna die they don't act like it no even in that speech, you know, I think part of me is still like nah, you're not gonna die because this movie isn't about that. You were done wrong, he cheated and everyone's going to know. But you know, I guess not.
Speaker 1:You got to write better speeches is what you have to do.
Speaker 2:You got to write better speeches, man.
Speaker 1:I'm not buying it Because when William Wallace is riding on his horse in front of them, we know what's going on. Freedom, good stuff, it's good stuff. You remember that stuff.
Speaker 2:Another movie that makes me cry every time when he's on that table and he looks over and he sees his wife in the crowd. Oh my God, I cry so hard. He cries Beautiful.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's see. They have a map. There's two ways in the gate or the west wall, but they don't have to worry about that, he's going to. We got this map and we talk about these things. Oh yeah, no, we're just going to wait until he leaves. Then they're like we're going to need more men. We're going to need more swords, and that's what they're going to do. So they go to the village of the sword makers. There's spooky fog, there's like six guys in armor, yeah.
Speaker 2:I was a little confused by this part, Cause he's Keanu's, like I know where we can get weapons and oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, that's not. Oh, that's later.
Speaker 1:They go to the sword maker's village first.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, yeah, okay, sure, sure. When there's just the six dudes that Keanu kicks the crap out of the six dudes, Keanu just kills all of them and you're just like wait.
Speaker 1:So he's the greatest fighter in the world now.
Speaker 2:Correct, yes. Based on him being in the arena for a year, I guess so, yeah, well, he was a robot, so he was taking in a lot of information there you know, computing, as it were, and then Kind of like the Matrix. Imagine that he was basically Matrixed while he was a slave, learned all of the fighting styles.
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't know that. So, boom, we find out that there aren't any swords there and we just went to this thing so that we could have a fight where we see that Keanu's really good at fighting.
Speaker 2:Keanu's better than everybody else, because nobody else even drew their swords. I think he killed them so fast.
Speaker 1:We get a scene with the witch and Mika. She's all like I will feed you with my hair and it will be weird.
Speaker 2:Oh yes, yeah, it was really weird. I yes, yeah, it was really weird, I hated it. Oh God, tony was totally turned on by it. I liked this scene. What am I going to?
Speaker 1:do Don't get mad at me. What was this scene about? Why was she doing that?
Speaker 2:I have no idea. I don't need a reason, okay, I just need weird hair action. Just give me some weird hair stuff. And I am in weird hair action. Just give me some weird hair stuff. And I am in. I don't know. I don't even know what happened. Were they talking? I have no idea. I didn't write anything down for that scene. I just wrote she fed her with her hair. That's what I wrote down for that scene.
Speaker 1:I feel like we wrote that down in different tones, so they so Keanu's like I know where there's swords. There's swords in the Tengu Forest and we find out that if you've got an extra baby you want to get rid of, leave it in the Tengu Forest. You've got an old husband you're tired of, leave it in the Tengu Forest.
Speaker 2:Whatever?
Speaker 1:your problems are you leave them in the Tengu Forest and the Tengu will take care of them.
Speaker 2:I didn't understand what that meant.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's, you know, when you abandon things and spirits. Japanese stuff.
Speaker 2:You get it, you get it, you got it. I don't understand.
Speaker 1:So he says that he was brought up there and that they taught him great magic powers, but he doesn't use them for no reason. What?
Speaker 2:No reason why he doesn't use magic powers. It's because they already shot all the stuff up to this point. This has got to be part of the reshoots, right, it's got to be part of the reshoots, right, it's got to be, because it doesn't make any sense to be like oh yeah, I have magical powers that you have not seen yet, and I'm not going to use them because I fought in an arena for one year and never used them. What? What's happening right now?
Speaker 1:I'm still waiting for the part of this movie.
Speaker 2:This really works, because I'm still like no, this is the scene when they do the fight with all the Will-O-Wisp people. It's great.
Speaker 1:It's a really beautiful scene, I think Oishi's kid goes to the brothel where he's supposed to collect information about the shrine trip, and then the witch is there and she's all like I'll tell you some lies. So we're like oh, like, oh, okay, that means the shrine trip is going to be a fake out it's bad news?
Speaker 1:yeah, it's bad news um, so just kai and oishi, go in to the thing he says to oishi don't draw your sword. If you draw your sword then they'll think you're an asshole and you won't get the swords. Then he goes there and talks to his old Tango dad and his old Tango dad is like there's a sword, you've got to beat me to the sword, and when the time comes, he just beats him to the sword.
Speaker 2:He just uses his magic powers that we haven't seen yet, but I love this scene. I like it it's cool, it's beautiful, it's shot pretty well. I like it. It's cool, it's beautiful, it's shot pretty well. I like everyone floating around with their capes. They're not capes, I don't know what to call them.
Speaker 1:So to tempt Oishi to try and draw his sword, illusions of his men come in there and they're all getting killed by the Tengu. What should have happened is his men should have come in there and they should have all gotten killed. What should have happened is his men should have come in there and they should have all gotten killed. That's correct, but instead it was just an illusion and he didn't do it.
Speaker 2:Just a little prank that we play on people when they come in here. They're funny. You didn't know that about the tree spirits. They're funny, but what?
Speaker 1:should have happened is his men should have come in there and they should have all gotten slaughtered and he should have seen his men die and he should have not drawn the sword, realized the price he had to pay, had to pay, but in this movie no one really pays a price, until the end, when they all just kill themselves.
Speaker 2:When they all pay a price for no reason. Well, for the biggest reason but it's that the Shogun messed up and he can't let. He can't let them survive and tell other people that he screwed up. So he's like y'all got to kill yourself. Sorry, no one can know that I'm an idiot. That's how I see the end of this movie.
Speaker 1:Up and up up, they get the swords. So then they go to, they go to rendezvous village, and then the son comes and says oh, this is the path they're going to take. They, they go there, they take, they, they go there they.
Speaker 2:The shrine is like in the middle of these weird teepees and stuff. It just doesn't make any, doesn't make a lick of sense yeah, I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 1:This is not where your shrine is. And boom, it's the witch's trap and the golem is there he says the line it's a trap, man. It just made me laugh really hard and then some people die and some things happen, did they?
Speaker 2:die? I couldn't tell and we don't really talk about who died. Are there still 47 dudes? I'm confused.
Speaker 1:The fat guy gets shot with arrows and maybe a rishi gets shot with arrows. They have to carry people, but in the midst of the fire everybody just gets away. They just kind of walk out, even though they think the bad guys think everybody dies yeah which is pretty weird right. You know, the whole key to movies is if people live or die. You have to understand. If you're going to get away, you have to get away.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, they just saw fire and they're like, oh no, we should go back, let's go back a little bit. And then they do, and it's fine, don't worry about it. The moral of the story is, dan, if you see fire ahead of you, go backwards and you're fine.
Speaker 1:The witch tells Mika that Kai is dead and she's like gives her a knife. It's like why don't you just kill yourself, bitch which?
Speaker 2:is. Is she lying to try to get her to kill herself, or does she actually think?
Speaker 1:that it doesn't, it doesn't matter, it's a manipulation to try to get her to kill herself. Or does she actually think that it doesn't matter? It's a manipulation to try to get her to kill herself? But really it's a plot point to give it. So Mika has a knife and can try to kill Kira at one point later.
Speaker 1:Sure, and you watch and you're just like, oh my god, are we going to see her actually struggling with the conflict of it, or instead, are we gonna see her actually struggling with the conflict of it? No, or instead are we gonna think to ourselves oh, that's a knife that she can pull later from her sleeve.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's got a knife now and ineffectively threaten kira. Oh yeah, that's what they'll do it's almost identical to die hard, where he sends the guy down in the elevator and it says, ho, ho, ho, now I have a machine gun. Right, you know, it's the same idea, same thing.
Speaker 1:These two movies. I think I like this movie better than Die Hard at this point.
Speaker 2:They're neck and neck. It just depends on the day of the week. My name's Tony. I'll watch this again.
Speaker 1:This is worth watching. Again, my name is.
Speaker 2:Tony, oh, my God, kill me.
Speaker 1:I'm going to watch this movie again tonight.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you that right now the fat guy dies and we get the story about him throwing rocks, and then he's sorry, and then he says I'm dead, and now he's dead, I'm dead, I'm done.
Speaker 1:Did these two guys even have a relationship other than the two or three times they had slight communication in the movie?
Speaker 2:Definitely not.
Speaker 1:For sure not, and the sad thing is is you're like that guy can act.
Speaker 2:I Definitely not, for sure not. And the sad thing is is you're like that guy can act. I liked him all the way through Every character he played. I enjoyed All four of them.
Speaker 1:So it's nice, it's difficult. Okay, let's see, they see this procession of performers and they're like we go down there and I'm like, ah, they're going to kill all the performers. But instead they're like they would go down there and I'm like, ah, they're gonna kill all the performers. But instead they're like we saw you guys performing, you rocked.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh, that's cool and why don't you guys take five?
Speaker 1:take five and we'll uh they all went together.
Speaker 2:Oh they, they joined them. Yeah, I must have missed that part. Well, I know the part where it's like oh you're someone's men and and then I was like what's going on? Did you watch this movie, tony? I definitely watched some of it, but I will be honest, I was on my phone a little bit just looking up all of the Keanu Reeves hate which I just think is so ill-placed.
Speaker 1:I mean, is he terrible in this movie? Not really. The love story is terrible. Yeah, that's my point, Of course.
Speaker 2:I mean it's not a well-written movie. Has he ever had a love story that worked? Have you not seen the Lake House Trick question? We're going to do it on this podcast at some point. No, I've never seen that the Lake House is not good man. It is not good at all.
Speaker 1:We're definitely going to watch it, so that does not answer my question.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry, we're serious. Him and Trinity.
Speaker 1:You know that's pretty good yeah, but that's just like the two of them scowling at each other, and I'm sure if they ever got together they'd just be like explosion, smash together, right?
Speaker 2:Is that what would happen? Yeah, you're probably right. I, you know, I'm I'm aroused by him and sandra bullock and speed when they kiss in the train at the end. You know, that's pretty good, it's, but there's not. There's not a lot of love, it's mostly lust.
Speaker 1:Well, because that's like I remember seeing that movie speed. You watch it and then it ends and you see these two characters and you're all like they are not going to have a life together.
Speaker 2:It's oh no, for sure not they're gonna, they're gonna hook up for like a week and then be like we don't like each other. What are we doing?
Speaker 1:and it's not a lot of movies can introduce that. It's a really interesting idea that that movie I don't know how intentional the director did it, but you, just you felt it. At the end there You're like, yeah, oh okay, it's the shared trauma hookup.
Speaker 2:And then you realize, once you get to know each other, you're like I guess, I guess we'll just go our separate ways, cause this is not going to work, this is not gonna work, it's like you're into jazz. Oh really, I gotta go, I gotta go. That's not gonna fly for me. This is not gonna work, yeah, yeah. So I guess the answer is no. I can't think of one that actually.
Speaker 1:That actually works um, we have curious there with the witch and he's all like you threw this magic stones or whatever. You're predicting the. And he's all like you threw this magic stones or whatever, you're predicting the future. And she's all like things are great. And you're like wait a second, things aren't great. You're like wait, she's the witch. How is Maybe making a thing where, like, oh, when Keanu's around, the witch's powers are clouded? You've got to give us something like that Sure great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know you've got to give us something like that. Sure great, yeah, nope, nope, nope. Here we go. So they get there, they start the performance. What's her name? Mika's sitting there, witch is sitting there, kira's sitting there, oishi's in the performance. And the main performer.
Speaker 2:He is. He's kind of the only guy on stage to be honest with you.
Speaker 1:There's four or five guys at one point, but he's the main guy. Somehow they've taught him the whole routine.
Speaker 2:He's good man. He retains movement very well because of the samurai-ness.
Speaker 1:Okay, and this next four minutes is Tony's favorite part of the movie, where the samurai then turn into the rodent. Yes, careful the ex-samurai Ronin turn into ninjas and ninja the entire castle.
Speaker 2:Is this offensive? I was curious because I was like this doesn't feel like the right way that they would go about it. I don't know, I don't know. I'm not cultured.
Speaker 1:you know what I mean I mean, if they were samurai they would never do any of these things.
Speaker 2:But they're not. They're not samurai technically, but I don't know but basically they, they pull out.
Speaker 1:Every single one of them has an entire ninja skill set at their hand.
Speaker 2:I'm just like yeah still set at their hands. I'm just like, yeah. But having said that, I did enjoy it. I know you love. I thought it was pretty fun.
Speaker 1:I got confused oh, the directing of this whole situation was terrible and you'd never know what was going on right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I'm not, I'm never totally sure what's happening. And then at the end of it someone shoots someone else with an arrow and I was like, is that the good guy or the bad guy? I don't know. I'm not even sure what just happened here nope, you have no idea there's.
Speaker 1:There's one point in this where people are running down hallways and you're just like I do not know.
Speaker 2:Where am I? Who are these?
Speaker 1:people. So basically everybody fights and the golem gets blown up um oishi and kira end up together and then kira just kills. I mean oishi just kills kira, because whatever because yeah, yeah, why not?
Speaker 1:and then beheads him kianu and mika end up in this nicely nice looking places and then the witch turns into a gray dragon with hair and they fight and then he just kills her summarily at some point well, he like stabs her in the head because he does the will-o-wispy thing, because, oh, he dragons about to eat the lady, so he tango's up and uses his tango powers and stabs her seemingly through the head, but then when she turns back into a dragon, the sword's not through her head.
Speaker 2:I was honestly disappointed. Oh, she should have been laying there with a sword through her head, I think. What? Where did the sword go? I don't understand. It was in the dragon's head, and then she turned back into human and there's no sword. I was pretty let down.
Speaker 1:It's almost like to save her. He should have have to become a tango and then had to have returned to the, be banished back to the forest, wouldn't that have?
Speaker 2:been something that a character could have done that's fine to me. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, he didn't, though I don't, I don't want to confuse anyone who's listening to this, who hasn't seen the movie.
Speaker 1:He didn't do that yeah, so everybody bad is dead. And then what's his name goes up on the parapet with the head and then everybody's like, oh, I guess our guy's dead.
Speaker 2:We bow down. How does everybody see that it's dark outside? He, I was. I was like I don't know man I don't know about that called torchlight torchlight you should have had the torch in the head, like in the torch, and the eyes are like on fire. That would have been cool. Should have had one guy with a lantern Pull the lantern up. Lantern Follow me, follow me. I got a plan. That would have been great.
Speaker 1:And that's the whole thing with movies is, if you think about that, how would they see that up there? Well, I don't know, you do something in your movie and then you're like, oh, someone's gonna have to do that. Then he has to, he has to utter a line, ah, bring me the torchbearer. And then you, you make some great big issue with that, where the torch guy's like trying to torch and he's having to fight people, and then when the torch finally lights, this guy up and everybody goes oh my god it's almost like it's a moment, but instead he just goes up there and they stop because they didn't want to shoot anymore that day, because everyone ran out of film.
Speaker 2:They were just like we got to wrap this up. Eight minutes, guys, come on.
Speaker 1:So they go home and then, of course, the dog. Uh, then the showroom comes and they're all like oh, I guess we're're gonna all be able to commit suicide. They all commit suicide, oh no, not everybody except the one kid.
Speaker 2:He says wait, I won't deprive our nation of your great bloodline. Yeah, but I'll let everyone else die. Yeah, he's good at that.
Speaker 1:And then, oh, before that happens, kai and mika like have a moment. He's all at that. And then, oh, before that happens, kai and Mika have a moment. He's all like I'll search for you in a thousand worlds, in 10,000 lifetimes. And she's all like but then he doesn't. Hit it, hit it. Yeah, he does. No, he doesn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Then she's left standing on a bridge and then he's like Kai finds her in a thousand years or something, like Kai finds her in a thousand years or something. No, the voiceover rings in her head. She's standing there. I will search for you.
Speaker 2:Right, but he doesn't find her.
Speaker 1:How do you know that? What do you mean? What are?
Speaker 2:you talking about? What do you mean? Because here's the thing. He just said that First of all. I don't need him to say it again three minutes later. That's unnecessary. I remember him saying it. I think he finds her. Why not? Why would he not find her? Because this movie's stupid. Oh, you love this movie, tony. I enjoyed this movie.
Speaker 1:I had a good time. That's the end. Is it the worst movie? No, if you want to, just. Is it better than the Witcher? Tell me if it's better than an episode of the Witcher.
Speaker 2:Which episode I'm gonna go and I like the witcher. I enjoy a generic episode of the witcher.
Speaker 1:Would you say that that was better?
Speaker 2:I would say it looks better. The witcher looks better. Yeah, the witcher looks a little bit better. Netflix put some money behind that thing. You know what I'm saying? Uh, and henry cavill is great, but let's wait until what's his name?
Speaker 1:his season comes out now this henry cavill does he have like a romantic relationship with ladies and stuff?
Speaker 2:uh, no, not really well. Yes, he's got like an over. It's a whole.
Speaker 1:You gotta watch the show, dan uh I watched the first, but yeah, they have some. They have some love in there, yeah, and it's convincing so if you were going to spend two hours and you had to choose between watching two episodes of the witcher that you like or this movie, which would you pick? The witcher there. I'd pick the witcher it is.
Speaker 2:I rest my case or I'd watch them both simultaneously. Tony, we've seen worse movies, that's all I'm saying. We have absolutely seen.
Speaker 1:I mean this movie. Yeah, I mean, what's the Oishi guy? He's a great actor, and when he's acting you're like please, can we stay in this movie? Can this be the movie? I'm like, I want this movie.
Speaker 2:And so, from my understanding, like the original script, yeah was a more about him, right, I have no idea I did not read anything about, so I I mean I tried to read there's some conflicting stories, but it seems like he was kind of the main protagonist and kiana was more the western window into the film, sure, and he was more of a side character. And then they were like after they watched it they were like no, we got to reshoot a bunch of stuff and he needs to be the main dude yeah, so they from my understanding, they add the thing where he has to save the guy from the thing and you're just like adding that
Speaker 1:is stupid, because that's that's not a relationship. That's in the rest of the movie. You gotta, you only. You have so little time. I mean, the truth of the matter is you have so little time with these characters you've got to make those three or four scenes where they really give the speech about we're going to die.
Speaker 2:That's the movie yeah, there's got to be more weight to that. I mean, there's got to be more weight to a lot of things that they set up and say yeah. But again, I've seen worse movies and I'll be honest, the the outright hate towards keanu in this movie is unfounded in my opinion and uh, y'all need to calm down I don't wish death upon any of the people that worked on this movie.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2:I just like whatever you know who does the shogun.
Speaker 1:What a son of a bitch that guy, the shogun, was the main problem with this movie. So, tony, why don't you tell us about something you like this week?
Speaker 2:well, um, we we're still watching fallout and and I love it. I absolutely love it. But then the other thing I want to talk about is I backed a kickstarter. What in 2018? I?
Speaker 1:think something like that six years and it just got delivered last week.
Speaker 2:it's called quell and it's uh, it's a video game in which there are like things, there's a bungee that goes to your back and it's a boxing like game, but it's for working out and I've uh, I've played it a bunch this week and it's awesome. It doesn't work very well, but it's a great concept and I think if they keep working on it, they'll get somewhere that's really good.
Speaker 1:Another 20 years. It's going to be a smash hit.
Speaker 2:Well, dude, this was supposed to ship out, I think in 2019. I'm pretty sure if I got my timeline correct and it came out five years later.
Speaker 1:But it's super fun.
Speaker 2:The extra five years. Still doesn't work. Still doesn't work. So imagine if they tried to ship it five years ago. You'd just get plastic. But it's fun, it's fun. I had a good time. We've been watching Baby.
Speaker 1:Reindeer.
Speaker 2:What is Baby Reindeer? Just like literally Baby Reindeer no.
Speaker 1:It's the story of this comedian, scottish comedian, who gets stalked. Oh, and it's based on a true story. Uh-oh Is it good, it's intense, it's very intense. Oh, it's not, it's not for the faint of heart I am the faint of heart, but I'm intrigued.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of things that go on, and there are situations where you're just like what is happening? Why is this happening? Oh my god, really yeah, there's a lot of good stuff in this one. A lot of good stuff A lot of stuff to think about A lot of what you think like how can a person be this screwed up and you're just like, well, you're going to find out?
Speaker 1:Oh shit, okay, All right, because the protagonist is not the most stable guy in the world, let's put it that way. Interesting, okay, initially, when he's not distancing himself from his doctor. You're like what's going on with this? Well, you're going to find out what's going on with it Really. And that it's based on a true story makes it all the more interesting.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, I'll have to check it out Super fun, watch the first one, and if that doesn't suck you in, I mean I just watched. Netflix has the little 30 seconds, or one minute.
Speaker 2:I watched that and I was like okay, I'm in.
Speaker 1:We're going to try this. This show does not disappoint. You get to the final episode and you're like well, okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, interesting. All right, rock and roll, tony, you have to pick us a movie.
Speaker 1:I guess you didn't have a movie when you showed up tonight today, but now you've had time to think about it.
Speaker 2:Well, I think we're going to do what we discussed at the top of the show we're going to do Rebel Moon. We're going to do Rebel Moon. Scar Give Taker.
Speaker 1:Scar is guard a giver. And we both watched Rebel Moon and I won't say I hated it, but it wasn't good.
Speaker 2:No, it's not good, but I remember thinking it was pretty but vacant and kind of boring and I feel like they killed. I don't remember exactly, but I feel like there was one dude that I liked and they killed him.
Speaker 1:That was the one dude they killed, so I was worried for the second one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what happened.
Speaker 1:So yeah, let's do it, man. So I think this is just going to be us being picky bastards on a thing and I'm a Snyder fan.
Speaker 2:you know Justice League Snyder Cut. Yeah man, they were going there. Wasn't he going to release a Snyder Cut of the first one? That was another hour or something. Did that ever happen?
Speaker 1:I'm having to look into that. I think he's going to wait another month and then they're doing that and then just keep releasing the same thing over and over again. He's going to keep recutting this movie every couple of months, because that's what people are asking for this is the extra Snyder Cut, the Snyder-y Snyder Cut, the Snyderiest of this one. This one's not quite as Snyder.
Speaker 2:I had somebody else come in and cut it.
Speaker 1:Now was this the movie that had the world's worst sound editing. Did it have? Super bad sound editing.
Speaker 2:Yes, it did.
Speaker 1:Yes, you remember correctly and lots of things where you're like, oh, we're going to stand here on this green screen, non-world, and make you I think it's almost all a green screen. I'm excited it's going to be great. But, tony, you're going to pick the next movie next week too. Okay, I'll give it some real thought this time, rebel Moon 2 is a consensus movie.
Speaker 2:Nobody has to take the hit for this one. It's the team pick. We got it.
Speaker 1:If you like what we do like and subscribe no they're not doing that.
Speaker 2:Nobody's here, dan hello, hello what's happening? Are you out there?
Speaker 1:I love you, tony. Yeah, so that's it. You love this movie, for reasons or reasons unknown, and I hated this one. Actually, I was pretty indifferent, but once I started looking, once you look at it as a whole, you're just like why, why hollywood, why?
Speaker 2:it's a it's full of terrible choices and it doesn't make a lot of sense. But you know what I can. I can look past that and I can't. And that's why we're married and in love Married at first sight, I always started watching that too.
Speaker 1:It's a weird show, man, we watch like Gogglebox, and so they, they do some of those shows on there and you, just so, they just like take the little clips and we just watch them.
Speaker 2:We're like what in the hell? What is going on? Yeah, you feel that way for a full hour while you're watching it. I don't know, it's wild.
Speaker 1:Those people you're just like, you know when they walk out and they meet each other the first time and you're like, oh, that woman is not happy.
Speaker 2:This isn't going to work. Yeah, we're not done with the season yet, but I can't imagine any of them working out, so I don't know why we're still making this show.
Speaker 1:You know when the Golden Bachelor can't make it work after a month and a half, oh man, gary.
Speaker 2:What are you doing, gary? What a nut bar. Oh broke my heart. Dude's a liar, a liar and a cheat. Welcome to the world. You're right about that, okay, well, I'm going to have some lunch.
Speaker 1:Tony, this has been fun. I guess I'll see you next week for one more of these, a little more Zack Snyder.
Speaker 2:Goodbye everybody, bye, bye, bye with Dan and Tony. It's like watching you.